The Letdown (2017) s01e07 Episode Script

1 AUDREY: Fucking hell, this is ridiculous! It was a joke kiss.
We were pretending to be husband and wife.
I did not It was nothing.
I didn't mean for it to linger.
- Linger.
Did you say linger? - Linger? For how long? That's the wrong word.
It didn't - Five or six seconds, max.
- Six seconds? - One one thousand - That's an eternity in kissing.
I can't believe we're even talking about this.
We have much bigger things to worry about.
Like the fact that we're gonna be homeless in a month.
What? What are you talking about? Darling, darling, you left this in the car.
Um I couldn't help but overhear You do know that I am a qualified couple's counsellor.
Not qualified, she has one more exam tomorrow.
So who was kissing who, hm? Let me take a stab and say it's my daughter with, ah, you.
- Yeah.
- Ruben! So let's start with intimacy, OK? Sex lives.
Um where's it all at? Can everyone just leave, please? Yeah, just just go, Mum.
- Not you.
- Oh Bye.
I'll call you tomorrow, Mum.
Ideally, we'll find something cute in the area and it won't be such a big deal.
Really? I'm still grappling with the fact that you've offered for us to move out that seems pretty crazy to me.
How many times have I told you I did not expect her to say yes, did I? It's her house! We've had a good run.
I thought we wanted to buy our own place.
Yeah, when we'd saved a deposit, not when we went down to one income.
Yeah, I know, but she can't afford two rents and the mortgage and we can't cover it all.
She's in a mess.
Verity is irresponsible with money, OK.
Well, I don't hear you complaining every time she buys you a new shirt.
Well, that would be rude.
It's not because she has excellent taste in menswear? That is one! Alright, she doesn't have to go to Venice to get it.
Can we not do this again? I am sorry, I will fix it.
I will go to this open house and get an idea of what we Oh, what about mother's group? I'm sure Ruben would be really keen to see you.
Yeah, I think our living situation is a bit more important than that, Jeremy.
- Watch out.
- Oh, well, there we go.
Good morning.
I hate gentrification.
- Cortado? - Yes, please.
So, um, what are we talking? - Like, high sevens, eights? - Two.
- Two? - Two, yep.
- $2 million? - Yeah.
Well, fuck off.
(LAUGHS) $2 million for the ? With these tiles? Yes.
- Does that sit in your price range? - Yep.
Good, OK.
Does it? No.
Ooh - Are you OK? - Yes.
I'm just gonna, um I'm going to check the orientation of the bathroom.
- North-east.
- Yes, is it? - Yeah.
Mm-hm.
- Good.
Excuse me.
Thanks.
Yep.
Oh, impeccable timing.
Ooh, yes.
Oh.
Eww.
(DOOR RATTLES) MAN: Are you gonna be long? Ah, sorry, I won't be a sec.
Can you tell me the dimensions approximately? Um, yeah, it's about two by three, I'd say.
The vanity is it engineered stone or ? No, it's like a fake granite.
Um, ah, like a fancy laminate, think early '90s.
Is there a shower and a bath or just a bath? Just a No, it's a bath, um It's a bath with jets.
- Ooh, like a spa bath? - Yes, yes.
OK.
(RAP AT DOOR) REALTOR: Miss, you need to open the door.
Yeah, OK, I'm just changing a nappy, alright? Won't be a sec, sorry.
(WOMEN EXCLAIM AND LAUGH) AMBROSE: Well, final week.
You made it.
Here's to you all and to Audrey, wherever she is.
ALL: Cheers.
I can't believe this is over.
We've all changed so much.
I mean look at me, I'm drinking out of a paper cup.
Oh, yeah, I'm gonna need those back too.
They're for Neil's 40th on Sunday.
Alright, 20 words - or less - one thing you've all learned.
How much you can achieve on such little sleep.
Head lice can definitely survive on bedsheets for longer than 24 hours.
Yeah, and FYI, ladies, bald babies can catch them too.
Um, that career and money aren't everything.
- Big shift on that one.
- Yeah, you're right.
Career and money aren't Well, hang on I need my career so I can earn us some money.
- Oh.
- Georgia? Well, no surprise, really, to learn just how fucking sexist and misogynistic the world still is and how appalling it is that I can still be body-shamed for feeding my baby.
- What? - What? You? Yeah.
I got kicked out of a cafe for breastfeeding.
- Oh, stop it.
- No way! - That is crazy.
- Why is that still happening? That is outr That I'm sorry that really gets me.
LEAH: No, really, how is this still happening? There are legal protections in place for this.
Yeah, I had to draft a lactation accommodation policy at my work.
Mainly for me.
It was very tedious.
Georgia, which cafe was it? Please don't say Petty Cash Cafe.
- It was Petty Cash.
- Oh, shit.
(ALL COMPLAIN) That is shit that you were kicked out and not that it is was our favourite cafe.
Well, there is one thing you lot can do.
Nurse-in! No, I was thinking of writing a letter.
- I'm in, actually.
- Of course you are.
- Yeah, me too.
- Yeah, me too.
That sounds fun.
RUBEN: Let's do it.
Nah, I think breastfeeding in public's gross.
- What? - Why? I am joking, of course I'll come, I was just trying to get out of it.
- Oh, I'm weaning, is that an excuse? - No.
Jeremy? Anything you wanna tell me? No.
No? Nothing in California? Just how did you Don't get mad.
I was gonna tell you as soon as I had all the paperwork and all the finer details, then I was gonna let you I can give you them right now, if you like.
Um, "Danish '60s teak, D-shape legs, well proportioned.
"Excellent condition", apparently, and it's in Palo Alto.
(LAUGHS) You've got a serious problem, pal.
This is the last thing we should be spending money on.
Hang on, paperwork? What? I've been offered a new job.
They're developing a new prototype for the electric car.
Why didn't you tell me that? Because it's in California.
You're kidding me.
We can't go to America.
For one, I am not flying long-haul until she's two and I can drug her, and for two, what about Trump? - California's quite progressive.
- Oh, right.
There's even a movement to secede, it is called Calexit.
- Is it? - Yes.
Yeah, well, I'll secede from you in a minute.
- And you know what I'll call that? - What will you call that? Jeremy exit.
J Jegzit.
Jerk Exit.
Jegzit.
Yeah, good one, Aud.
Are you just gonna make a unilateral decision on this, are you? Kind of like the one you made with Verity when you gave back our house? - Her house? - Yes.
Look, I haven't accepted the job but I would be stupid not to.
14 people have been retrenched this last month.
What? Why haven't you told me that? Because there's this thing, I don't want you to worry.
Well, now I'm more worried because you kept the initial worry from me.
Oh, so with that logic maybe I should be a little bit more concerned about what goes on between you and Ruben? Oh, come on.
That's Look, I think this job offer has come at the best time.
You and I have talked about we want to go and move overseas, these guys will pay start-up costs.
Aud, this is my job and it's taking us What about my job? My career? I just don't work for a few years.
Is that it? 'Cause I'm really excelling at this stay-at-home mum thing.
- You are excelling.
- I am not.
- Yes, you are! - I'm not! Last night's carbonara was made with breast milk.
So what? Because I couldn't be fucked going to the shops.
Yeah, that's good, isn't it? I have never washed any of my maternity bras and how old is she now? That's months.
Well, sometimes I tell people she's teething when I can't work out how to settle her, - which is a lot of the time - OK, I get it.
- I get that stuff.
- So you can't just First the baptism and now this.
And I know you finished Chef's Table without me.
- They're stand-alone episodes.
- What is happening to us? This is supposed to be the happy time.
People talk about this is like the best time.
Liars.
I'm just trying to look after you, OK? Yeah, well, I am a fucking grown-up.
I'm going to cool down.
Literally, I'm gonna go to the pool.
Um, she's napping, so you Ah, you'll work it out.
Hello, stranger.
We get to say goodbye after all.
I get irritated at the smallest things.
Like people exercising or Jeremy's loud breathing.
I don't want to be a cranky mum.
Of course you don't wanna be a cranky mum, it's normal.
Maybe I'm too selfish to be any good at this.
You know, last weekend I went away without her and, um it was a relief.
I quite enjoyed scrubbing floors and fighting with Mum.
It's normal.
True.
What if I can't always put her first? You need to let go of how you thought it would be.
I don't really feel like me.
Well, it's normal.
I mean, Ester said something this week.
She said she'd realised that you are still you as well as being a mum.
Even though you're a mum, you're still you and it's true.
Yep.
I get Well, she you know she's smart, she's quite smart.
She is a bit annoying.
But she's - Very annoying.
- Yeah.
- But clever.
Yeah.
- (CHUCKLES) If you keep looking back, the only thing you'll think about is what you've lost.
How are things going with, ah, what's his name? Jeremy, is it? Yeah.
Um - Right now we're not at our best.
- Mm.
You know when babies cry and we give them a little squeeze, it doesn't matter how irrational it is, we just try to understand them and make them feel safe.
- Yeah.
- Yeah? Imagine if we could do that for ourselves, or for any other adults.
We're all just big babies, really.
How many did you have? I carried one to term and then I lost him.
Oh, wow.
I am - I'm so sorry.
- Don't be.
- And here I am just complaining - Don't be.
- Sorry.
- Don't be, it's normal.
I get to work with babies every day.
This is what mother's group was for - having a good chat.
You stay in touch with the girls and Ruben.
They're an interesting bunch.
(LAUGHS) Yep.
We should get changed, your lips are blue.
- Ooh, thank you for noticing.
- Yeah, sorry.
- It's alright.
You good? - Yeah.
Good, 'cause I'm freezing.
- Hey.
- Hi.
When's she gonna start sleeping in a cot like a normal baby? Not that I am complaining, these pick-ups are great.
You look nice.
Is that lipstick? - And eye-liner.
- Wow, God I miss make-up.
You never wore make-up.
Yeah, well, I miss making the conscious choice to not wear it.
Hey, can you swing by the park? I want to see your old mate with the bum bag.
- Big night? Hot date? - Actually, I'm seeing Bob again.
What? Yeah, we've been back on for about a month.
That's Oh, that's good.
What are you doing tonight? - Oh, just this.
- Oh, OK.
I almost forgot, I've got news.
We might be moving.
Jeremy's just been offered a job in California.
Holy shit.
Awesome.
- Is it? - Yeah.
- Won't you miss me? - Miss you, no.
I'll be on the first cheap flight to visit, we'll probably see more of each other.
I can't remember the last time I was in California.
- Having a good night? - BOTH: Yeah.
Who's going to California? I been there, it's awesome.
You'll love it, it's the best.
- Really? - Yeah.
- When? - Ah, like '85.
Mum won the lotto.
She took me and my two half sisters to Disneyland.
And this is how you thank her? With your life of drugs and petty crime.
I didn't ask to go to Disneyland.
Like, she could have invested her money wisely, maybe she would have a house now that she owns, but she doesn't.
- Hey, can I PayPal? - Yeah, totally, yeah, yeah.
Why don't you deposit the money online, then put 'cocaine' in the description bit, then I'll email you a receipt for your records.
Yeah, OK, I just thought you might prefer not to carry all that cash around in your Well, he is carrying drugs, isn't he? So the cash is probably the least of his worries.
Let's do this.
- What are you doing? - Hey? This.
- Get out of the car.
- No, no.
- Get out! - It will take two seconds.
You are not doing that here.
You are not doing that here.
- There is a minor there.
- Where? - Just there.
- Oh, my God, he's grown, hasn't he? Don't touch her.
Get out.
Get out.
Get out.
Get out.
- I'll just walk to Bob's.
- OK.
- Bye, love.
- Bye.
Hey, um, before you go, what are you doing tomorrow? Some friends are staging a nurse-in.
Extra bodies would be good.
Is that That's a joke, right? Not really.
Don't worry No, don't worry.
- Um, miss you already.
- See ya.
I'm free.
- Not you.
- OK.
(SIGHS) GEORGIA: When I say 'mother', you say 'sucker'.
- Mother.
- ALL: Sucker.
- Mother.
- Sucker.
So how long does a nurse-in go for, love? Just a ballpark? As long as it takes to get our message through.
- Another cupcake? - Yeah, thank you.
I don't know why I'm here.
I've weaned and we're not making much of an impact, the place is bloody heaving.
- That's because you're on the ground.
- Get up, stand up, show some spirit! ALL: Alright.
OK, Ruben, another chant.
Start something that will draw a crowd, yeah? OK, so breastfeeding's not working What about the Westlink Motorway? That really gets people riled up.
No! Fuck motorways.
OK, what about, um, safe schools.
Trans rights, that's really hot right now.
Like bathrooms are for everyone, trans rights are human rights.
I thought this was a breastfeeding rights things, not a trans thing.
Well, it is, but you're dressed for both, so, good on you, Dave.
Thanks.
What are you two wearing? - What is that? - BOTH: Breasts.
Hey, there's Audrey.
Audrey, hi.
ALL: Hi! Audrey's here.
Sorry.
Here, Aud, have a cake before Barb eats them all.
- They're bloody nice.
- Maybe later.
Hi, Audrey.
Nice to meet you See you again.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) You too.
- Is that Breakfast News Tony? - Ah, it is.
- Oh, my God! - Yeah, he owes me.
I accidentally leaked that council memo on travel expenses last year.
Thought it was my civic duty.
- Do you wanna meet him? - Damn right I do.
- Here hold this.
- Come with me.
- Georgia Lee.
Thanks for coming.
- Is this the whole thing? I gave up a state government sex scandal for this? Come on, you can build it.
Just do some long lens stuff.
A bit of slow motion of the manager behind the glass, ominous music, it'll be fine.
Can we at least get some boobs out? Maybe her, blondie.
Sorry.
It is the number one morning news show.
We're number three, it's been a tough year.
(SIGHS) Hey Soph, is Ziggy Junior ready for a feed? Yes, sure.
Great.
Get in tight.
Tight.
(SIGHS) ALL: (CHANT) Tits for tots! Tits for tots! Tits for tots! Tits for tots! - Tits for tots! - OK, got the chant.
- I hate the word 'tits'.
- Oh, same.
Hey, guys, I was thinking of drawing up a social calendar now that our Ambrose time's up - maybe rotate hosting.
Oh, yeah I'm not sure how long I'll be around.
We might be moving for Jeremy's work.
- What? - Where to? Ah America actually.
California.
- ALL: What?! - America?! - Are you going? - What's the job? Ah, electric car engineering stuff.
Nup, sounds dumb.
He should get a real job here.
TONY: Piece to camera.
Let's go.
OK, let's go.
You're OK, we've been doing so well.
Yaaaaay! (MELANCHOLY MUSIC) Our culture sexualises the breast, whether it's through porn or plastic surgery or whatever.
But what is the true purpose of breasts? To feed human babies.
- Let's turn the cameras off, huh? - Oh, here he is.
This woman comes into our cafe daily and illegally downloads, then binge-watches TV shows, OK? She sneaks in her own food.
She she drinks hot water and she chews up all our data.
That's why I asked her to leave.
- I was breastfeeding.
- Breasts had nothing to do with it.
If anything, it was the breasts on screen that were the problem.
Some subtitled thing.
Danish, I think.
Hoax nursing, entitled millennial falsely accuses local businessman.
Don't you dare.
You don't know what's it like looking after these precious little humans.
The monotony and the boredom and the cabin fever.
Does something to your brain, OK? I mean, eventually our brains get a lot bigger and more complex but there is a transition period.
We need caffeine.
We need cafes.
We definitely need, you know, to escape into quality Danish drama.
And efficient broadband.
Alright, but you owe me.
OK.
Let me get some overlay for childhood obesity.
- Who's got the fattest kid? - None of none of them.
Actually, yours will do.
What? She is not even in the 70th percentile.
It's fine.
We stretch the footage anyway.
Alright.
Just promise me you'll blur her face.
Sorry, Stevie.
Hello, darling.
Well, you didn't miss much.
It just fizzled out in the end.
God, I'm hungry.
Get the mushrooms.
They're good.
Hey, I just wanted to say I'm I'm sorry I was so mean to you all those years ago when you wouldn't give me a sibling.
It's not that straightforward, is it? Were you? Yeah, remember when I went to kick the puppy 'cause I thought it was a consolation prize? Awful.
No, I've got no memory of that.
Anyway, it was your father who wanted only you.
I wanted a whole tribe of you.
You did not.
Yes, I did.
I would have gone for five.
That way you would all take care of each other.
- Now, Aud, sex.
- Mm-hm? Looking for more clients, are you? You two need to make more time for each other.
Alright, go.
I'm not paying you.
- Hi.
- Hi.
How was the nurse-in? Ah, really good.
Um, I'm just gonna put her down and then I'm gonna go to bed.
I think I need an early night.
OK? Ooh, come on.
- Aud? - Shh.
She's asleep.
Finally.
Oh.
(LAUGHS) Whisky picnic? Whiskey picnic.
Yes.
(CHOKES) Oh, wow.
Out of practice.
(COUGHS) I wanted to say sorry for not telling you about the job.
OK.
I'd just like to make the odd decision that isn't a striped body suit or whale print onesie, you know? - We need to talk to each other.
- Well, OK.
And before you mention the house again, I know - Well, what about the kiss? - I was getting to that.
I'm sorry.
- Is it me? - I'm - I mean, do you not want to - No! No! You and Stevie are everything.
I'm sorry.
I am start starting to feel a little less outside myself.
Maybe it's 'cause I got my period again.
Might be a release thing.
I actually love menstruating.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
I think it's, um it's taken me a while to get over the birth.
- I get that.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
I think I can do this California thing.
- Really? - Yeah.
Oh, fuck it.
Let's do it.
- What about Verity? - No, she is thrilled.
Yeah, she, um She's gonna come over for three months, - help us settle in and - Oh, good.
Um, what about her counselling? Oh, she's all about LA courses now.
Wants to be a death doula.
And I was thinking maybe I should finish my masters - 'cause Berkley's in California.
- Yeah - Isn't it? - Yes, it is.
I mean, it's far.
It's pretty expensive, but, I mean, let's just talk about it.
We can keep talking about it and - Can we? - This is delicious.
It is.
It's really good.
Open ended, tilt my head to the night All the stars above bars we're human, you and I Told each other when we looked down on all the parked cars I feel lost and lonely when you show me how to start Told my friends a stranger is stranger in the dark - But my doubts and ins and outs - (STEVIE CRIES) Come out easy when I don't know who you are.
I'll get the keys.
Told each when we looked down on all the parked cars - I feel lost and lonely - (HORN HONKS) Yeah, can we change positions? She's right in my eye line.
Yes, sure, sure, sure.
- Ooh You go first.
- Whoops, sorry.
(LAUGHS) I'll swap you, you can help me with that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Told each other when we looked out on all the parked cars (BOTH MOAN) I feel lost and lonely when you show me how to start.
- That was good.
- Yeah.
- It was really good.
- Yep.
- Having a good night? - Oh, Jesus! You're - You are omnipresent.
- Mate, I'm everywhere.
- Recognise the car.
Saw all that.
- Oh, good.
- OK, mate, thanks.
- Thank you, mate.
Thanks for the show.
Who are you? Yeah, I know him.
But I don't know you.
You're the ball and chain, are ya? Yeah.
That's it.
Is that all right? - You're with this one? - BOTH: Yes.
- Are ya? - Yeah.
You know what you've done here is illegal - OK.
- in public and in front of a minor.
You probably traumatised the little fella.
Should be ashamed of yourself.
Nah, only kidding, mate.
Should be proud.
Good on ya.
Only young once and middle-aged once.
- Anyway, off you fuck.
- OK.
You're in my office.
Got a minute to get out of here.
- Going.
- Thank you.
- Have a good one.
Hey, safe travels.
- Thank you.
Yep.
(STEVIE GURGLES) OK, well, she's awake.
God, I have become my mother.
What the fffuck? (SKYPE RINGTONE) - Harry? - Jezza.
- Yeah.
Hi.
- G'day, mate.
Just just reading the contract.
- Ah, good.
You got it.
- Yeah, yeah, I got it.
So, a few tweaks on the final draft - I'll be based in California, you'll be based in the manufacturer's workshop.
I'm sorry, say that again.
I I think I missed that.
I'll be in California, you'll be based in the head office in Australia.
What?! Maybe will be the odd trip here and there.
There's a ripper conference in October.
You can fly the whole family out for that.
Right.
So it's one conference in LA? Dallas, baby.
But that's a great city, mate.
Dealey Plaza, all that JFK stuff, and you will love it (LINE DROPS OUT) Hello? Harry? Are you there? Harry? Can you hear me? (CALL DISCONNECTS) "Mid-stream" - that's ridiculous.
(URINATES) - (CALLS) Aud? - Hang on, just a sec.
One, two, three, four, five.
Eww.
Oh, God.
(WHISPERS) No baby.
No baby.
No baby.
No baby.
No baby.
No baby.
No baby.
Oh, thank Christ! Oh, thank Oh, wow.
(SIGHS) You will be happy to know we are only taking one child to California.
Adelaide.
The job's actually in Adelaide.
It's a communication breakdown.
What? It's Adelaide.
You're fucking kidding me? We're going to Adelai Oh But good news about the about the minus sign, right? No, it's a cross sign on the test.
Not a minus sign on it.
You want a minus on the test for a negative.
- No, you don't.
It's a cross.
- You want a minus on the test for it.
- No, it's a cross for no baby.
- No, that's not a cross.
- Yes, it is.
No - That's a plus sign.
Do you know how sometimes you get confused about some of that stuff where like at the airport you go to arrivals instead of departures No, I don't.
That's it.
because you think that someone's about to arrive somewhere Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
- You think it means one thing - Oh, my God.
- but it means another - Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, God.
We'll have two under two in Adelaide.
Oh, my God! California I'm coming home Gonna see the folks I dig I'll even kiss the sunset pig California, I'm coming home.