The Proud Family: Louder and Prouder (2022) s01e07 Episode Script

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
(RAPPING) I was born in '41
My wealthy family's son
My siblings died young
And turned my daddy to madness
Then he spent what he had
Before I even begun
To become a young man
The family business was run
To the ground
Can't believe your dad
let us go out on a date.
Or bought us these Benedict tickets.
OSCAR: Penny! Where you at?
Pick up your phone,
I'm calling you, girl! Penny!
-Is that your dad?
-OSCAR: Penny!
-Are we getting Punk'd?
-Penny!
More like Scared Straight!
Where you at? Wave or somethin'! Penny!
Where you at?
-Wave!
-(CROWD MURMURING)
OSCAR: Excuse me. I'm sorry, just
Oop, excuse me.
Move over, Smooth Criminal. Shamone!
Yes, sir.
(LAUGHS)
You two didn't think I'd let you go
on a date by yourselves, now did you?
Not with the money
I bought these tickets for.
And I want my money back, too.
Daddy, you are making too much noise.
And where did you get popcorn from anyway?
(CHUCKLES) Across the street
at Wizard Kelly Theatres.
I got me a Salisbury steak, too.
-You want some?
-No.
Wasn't gonna give you none anyway.
Mmm, mmm, mmm!
This gravy is so savory.
Wait a minute.
What are they doing
with those funny wigs on?
There were no Black Founding Fathers.
-This ain't accurate.
-(PENNY SHUSHES)
-Daddy!
-Don't you shush me.
-They killed Crispus Attucks, man!
-(CELL PHONE RINGING)
(STOPS SINGING)
Oh, my goodness gracious.
Are we interrupting?
WOMAN IN CROWD: Turn off your phone.
You wanna get that, brother?
-Oh, is that me?
-Well, it's certainly not me.
Watch your tone now.
Hold this, pal.
OSCAR: Hey, Felix.
Nah, I'm not busy.
Trudy's got me babysitting Penny
at the worst play I ever seen.
-It ain't no Hamilton, that's for sure.
-Dad!
What?
All right. Felix, I gotta go.
-(STOMACH RUMBLES)
-(BELCHES)
Oh, I really gotta go now.
Hey, Lamont, where's the bathroom?
It's Lamorne, Sanford.
You go outside, you make a left,
you keep going until you find Elizabeth,
and don't come back.
Oh, at these prices, I'll be back.
Give me my popcorn, you big dummy.
(BELCHES)
Excuse me. I'm sorry, just
(LAUGHS) So, so, so, so sorry, folks.
He must've thought this was the Apollo.
-(CROWD LAUGHING)
-TRUDY: Base!
(RAPPING) But then I came back
And led a militia back by Connecticut
That's how you delegate tasks
I never sat back
Defending but not attacking
Talk to you later, Felix. Gotta go.
What? Isn't that your dad?
Hey, little homie.
Didn't I tell you not to come back here?
Don't let this periwig fool you.
I will mop the floor with you.
I'd think about that, New Girl.
You might be Woke,
but I ain't no joke, bloke.
Whoa! Wait a minute. What?
Hold on! Put me down!
(SCREAMING) Trudy!
(CROWD LAUGHING)
(SINGING) The Proud Family What?
You and me will always be tight
Family every day and every night
Even when you start acting like a fool
You know that I'm lovin'
every single thing you do
I know I can always be myself
When I'm with you
more than anybody else
Every single day
that I'm headed off to school
You know there's no one
I love as much as you
-The family
-The family
Proud family
They'll make you scream!
They'll make you wanna sing!
It's a family thing, a family
A proud, proud family
Proud family
They'll push your buttons!
They'll make you wanna hug 'em
A family, family
Proud, proud family
Proud, proud family
(OSCAR SCREAMS)
TRUDY: Now that's stitches
for your britches, y'all.
Bam, Suga Mama. Take that!
Knick-knack paddywhack, baby. That's 20!
Bam! Six-deuce!
-Ooh, I can't (GRUNTS)
-Hey, Penny baby, how was the play?
Daddy ruined my life!
Oh, welcome to the club, baby.
Ooh, I can't wait to go to college!
Get away from these people!
(BOTH SINGING) I sold out
I'm not a sell-out, I
-Oscar, what happened with Penny?
-(OSCAR LAUGHS)
We had a ball. Tell 'em, Kareem.
(CHUCKLING) We sure did.
Mr. Proud got three standing O's.
What did you do, Oscar?
Got my baby upstairs cryin'.
Come on, stop.
You know that girl. She's just sensitive.
I'm gonna say two words to you, Kareem.
Run, son!
Next thing I know, Lamorne Morris
is shooting my daddy out of a cannon.
I cannot wait to get out of this house
and on my own!
Yeah, girl. You're all over Hollagram,
Twiddle, and TicTic.
Glad he's your daddy
'cause I would have been so embarrassed,
girl, I would have deleted
What happened to Dijonay?
Parental block.
According to my watch, my time's
(LAUGHS) I turned off my parental block,
boo. I can stay as
LaCienega?
(LAUGHS) Please
I'm glad my
Time's up, Penny. Now go to bed!
(LAUGHS)
(COUGHING)
Zang! He put a block on my computer?
Ooh, I can't stand him!
(COUGHS) I said go to bed!
Ugh. Guess I gotta go to my burner.
Thank you, Uncle Bobby. (CHUCKLES)
Wha I gotta get out of here.
Wait. Is that Roker?
"Tired of your parents
going on your dates,
"blocking your phone,
"embarrassing you
in front of millions of people?
"Click on this link if you wanna be free."
(GASPS)
Hey, there, Penny. Long time no see.
How long you been in middle school now?
Twenty years?
Uh-uh. Here is a tip, Roker.
Colored glasses
don't make you look younger.
(ROKER LAUGHS)
Oh, very funny.
I expect better from you, Penny.
Especially after I helped you out.
Helped me out? When?
Oh, come on. You remember.
That BeBe and CeCe thing.
Man, I wish you guys were old enough
to take care of yourselves.
Consider it done.
Hey, Penny.
Anyway, I got a big promotion out of that.
I'm workin' directly
with the big guy downstairs.
Don't you mean upstairs?
Sure. So, talk to Al.
What's troubling you, Penster?
The same as always. My parents.
So you want me to send them away,
like I did before?
No! Send me away!
Uh, there are laws against that, Penny.
I don't care. I wanna do my own thing,
be my own person.
Away from these weird people.
All right, say it, don't spray it.
Where do you wanna go?
I want you to make me
a sophomore in college.
Ooh, and my friends, too!
All right. Do you want Ivy League? Ooh!
HBCUs are popular now.
Just do it, Roker!
Okay, okay. First though,
you have to read my terms and conditions.
Check the box
if you don't want me to steal
PENNY: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hol' up, hol' up, hol' up.
What's the catch, Roker?
There's no catch. This is from the heart.
You don't have a heart, Roker!
-If you don't want my help, fine.
-Okay, okay.
-Now what about my friends?
-Just share my link and that's it.
Done. Now, get me out of here.
Remember, after a week,
there's no coming back.
Just do it, Roker!
Boy, someone's impulsive and snippety.
Have fun, Penny Proud.
(ROKER LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
(BICYCLE BELL RINGS)
Excuse me? Where am I?
Oh, snap! I sound grown. (LAUGHS)
Peoria University. P.U.
Home of the Skunks.
(LAUGHS)
Roker, you did it!
(YELLS) Hey!
(SINGING) We are the Zeta Betas
Love us or you hate us
Coolest on the campus by empirical data
We walk the walk, talk the talk,
stroll the stroll
If you ain't rollin' with us
Then just get out the road
Zeta-Betas in the house!
Z-E-T-A-B-E-T-A-I-N-C
Zeta Betas until we D-I-E
GIRL: Zetas!
(ALL CHEERING)
Dijonay?
(SCREAMING) Hey, Penny, girl!
We in college!
Hey, Penny!
Did anyone give you
permission to speak, acorn, huh?
No, big sister Too Cute.
Better than you.
Clapback knick-knack paddywhack.
Say what say
That's right. And don't you forget it.
So, where's everybody else?
(TIRES SCREECH)
(CAR HONKS)
LaCienega?
What took you so long? We're in college!
Zoey?
Girl, the glow-up is real.
How did y'all get here before I did?
Well, you probably read
the terms and conditions, silly forehead.
Nope. Not really. Where's Maya?
MAYA: Look, public colleges should not
be investin' in private prisons, man.
Y'all know this.
Our tuition is supposed to be
for our education, not subjugation.
Come on!
Oh, I love her passion. Don't you, Penny?
(ENGINE WHIRRING)
Yo, Penny. You made it just in time.
(CHUCKLES) Zang, KG.
Even your drone is grown.
Your boy KG is deejaying
the block party tonight.
And I'm assistin' him.
Mmm-hmm.
(KG EXCLAIMS)
Block party? Isn't it a school night?
It's a whatever-we-wanna-do night.
Yeah. We can go where we want.
We can even save the world!
I'm sorry.
I only know how to talk with this.
Come on, Penny. Let me show you
how it go down around here.
Come on, girl. (LAUGHS)
Okay, this is the party floor.
We call it the zoo, girl.
Why?
(HOUSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(ROARS)
(SCREAMS)
Girl, this is our dorm room?
It's our dorm suite.
My room's over there, girl.
And as RA, my door is always open.
Except Monday through Sunday.
And over there is your room.
Kareem? What are you doin' in here?
I live here. That's my room.
Yeah, girl. This dorm is co-ed!
-Really?
-(BOTH SCREAMING)
(SINGING) Ow, we co-ed
We co-ed
We co-co-co-ed, ow
Calm down, people. Take your seats.
Welcome to English Literature.
Now, look at the person to your left.
Now, look at the person to your right.
By the end of the semester,
neither one will be there.
Why? Because I will
flunk two-thirds of you,
and there's nothing you can do about it
except ace all five 2,000-page papers
that you will thoroughly research
and submit by semester's end.
Any questions?
Mmm-mmm.
Dijonay, where you going?
To see if I can sell these books.
You heard him. You're on my left.
You ain't gonna be here. Let's go.
You too, Maya? Where you goin'?
Why are there no Black writers
on the syllabus?
Steve Harvey got eight books.
At least Patti LaBelle's cookbook
should be on here or somethin'.
I'm outta here.
This is just what I thought
college was going to be like.
Survival of the fittest.
(ROARS)
-Come on and dance with your boy.
-No, I have to read this.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, baby!
-Whoa! Kareem!
Okay, it is my song.
Penny, I've got an extra rutabaga salad
with your name on it.
That rutabaga is not for us, okay?
All those pesticides they spray on it
is a conspiracy to take us out.
Girl, you better get on one of these
WizEye's Spicy Chicken Sandwiches.
What makes you think
I wanna eat a chicken sandwi
Zang, these chemicals are fire!
No wonder the conspiracy is workin'.
(CROWD CLAMORING)
(LAUGHS EXCITEDLY)
Hey, Kareem. You need a lift, boo?
You know I do.
(GASPS) Penny!
(CHANTING)
-(TIMER BLARES)
-(ALL CHEERING)
(SINGING) I remember dreamin'
When I was fifteen
That I could have it all
Now that I'm a lady
Not some little baby
I do what I want
I do what I want
DIJONAY: Yeah, girl!
STUDENT 1: Yes! Go Zoey!
STUDENT 2: You killed that, girl.
That's my friend!
Thank you.
But my baby really killed it.
All right, y'all. See you later.
Where you guys goin'?
There's a party over at the Delta house.
I've got 10 chapters to read
for my criminal justice class,
and you are going
to need me one day, Proud.
Maya!
Sorry, I got a Zoom with Al Sharpton
in the morning.
Ooh, I got basketball practice, girl.
They make you work
for that scholarship. Okay?
-Zoey?
-I've got to rest my vocal cords.
Yo, I'm a TA for my programming class,
and I got a gang of people to flunk.
Dijonay, I know you're not studying.
No, girl. I dropped all of my classes.
(YAWNING) I'm sleeping in. Bye, girl.
Well, Kareem,
I guess it's just me and you.
Yeah, sorry to break it to you, Penny,
but I got a music theory exam.
Come on, Kareem.
There's no one here to tell us what to do.
Yeah, but that doesn't mean
we don't have to do it.
(SHOUTING) Fine. I'll party by myself!
(BEATBOXING)
WOMAN: Excuse me.
(GASPS)
$210?
Ooh, what's that on the floor?
(BEATBOXING)
(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
(SNORING)
Late night, Miss Proud?
Yeah, it was lit.
I mean literature.
Literature is my favorite subject.
(SIGHS WEARILY)
(SNORING)
(GASPS AND SCREAMS)
What the mess?
-(TIRES SCREECH)
-(HORNS HONKS)
Kareem, where you goin'?
I'm going to class.
Forget class. Let's go on a picnic!
Penny, what are you even doin'?
This isn't even like you.
What are you talking about?
I'm living my best life.
Yeah? Partying all night?
Sleeping through class? Getting F's?
Hey, look, I'm sorry,
but I'm late for orchestra rehearsal.
Fine, be that way. You wack anyway.
Dijonay, where you goin'?
Back to middle school. College is hard.
Plus, ain't nobody here
who can do my hair and nails.
Good thing Roker gave us a week
to change our mind.
You better make a decision.
Bye, girl.
Dijonay, are you ready?
You're leaving too, LaCienega?
I've looked forward
to my quince all my life,
and I am not giving that up
for a school called P.U.
Guys, why are you leaving?
'Cause this ain't nothin'
but a glorified plantation.
-I belong at an HBCU.
-Me, too.
Me? I hate pledging.
This is what we dreamed of.
Being on our own.
No. That was your dream, Proud.
Enjoy the loneliness.
(LAUGHS)
Don't worry, Kareem, we'll still have
plenty of fun without them.
No, you have fun. I'm outta here.
But what about us?
I'll see you in four years.
(SCOFFS) You'll probably
still be a sophomore.
(TIRES SCREECH)
(YELLING)
(BEEPING)
(FANFARE PLAYING)
Ooh, I'm glad they're gone.
Kareem, too. Ooh! He's so
Can't Ugh! They
They couldn't handle being grown.
(BALLOON SQUEALING)
"You've been evicted." For what?
"Failure to attend class,
to register, to pay dorm fees.
"Failure as a human being."
Zang!
(INHALES)
Will somebody tell me
what's the deal with this?
-And what's with the hair, Myron?
-The ladies love it.
Speaking of which,
I hear your boy toy dipped.
I thought maybe we could
No, Myron.
People don't call me Myron here, Penny.
I go by M-Squared.
(CHUCKLES)
I'm hilarious. (GRUNTS)
You gonna fix this for me
or what, blockhead?
Ooh, Penny, you've been in the gym.
I can't touch this.
You gotta talk to the big guy.
Who's this "big guy"?
I don't know how I can owe
this much money in just seven days.
Listen, y'all are gonna have
to get it from my parents.
(DISTORTED VOICE) Oh, but you don't have
parents in this world, Penny Proud.
Roker?
That's Dean Big Guy to you.
What's with this zang notice?
Ooh, such saucy language.
I'm 19. I can say whatever I want.
Sure you can,
but you also have responsibilities.
Like going to class, paying tuition
and your food tab, which you ran out on.
We frown upon dining and dashing.
But I spent all my money on books.
And a brand-new car.
I'll take those keys, by the way.
I've always wanted a convertible.
Take the car, then. I just wanna go home.
Too late to be a penny pincher.
You missed that deadline.
Get me out of here, Roker!
I'm not playin'!
I'll tell you what.
Since I like you so much,
I'll let you go back
after you pay off your debt.
What don't you understand
about the words "I'm broke," Roker?
Ah, giving Dean Big Guy attitude
will get you nowhere. Now take this.
(THUDS)
Incense? DVDs? Candles? Mixtapes?
What the heck is a mixtape?
You know those annoying people
at barbershops, beauty salons, car washes?
They all work for me.
Providing subpar goods
at above-par prices.
So, if you wanna get back home,
you better get to sellin'.
But I don't even know what this stuff is.
How can I sell
No buts. You wanted to be on your own?
Welcome to adulthood, Penny Proud,
where there are no free rides.
Except for the one I got from you.
(LAUGHS MISCHIEVOUSLY)
From now on, I expect you to be in class
and pay your bills.
(STUTTERS) And what if I don't, Roker?
Well, then you'll be here
for all eternity.
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
No, no, Space Jam 1 was a classic.
Now this other one,
I don't know what
Hey, everybody.
I got that Egyptian Musk.
I got that Black Pharaoh. One for five.
-BARBER: Get out of here, little girl.
-Three for 40.
-We don't need it.
-Six for 20.
-SHOP OWNER: And stay out.
-Okay, name your price!
(SNORING)
Still sowing your collegiate wild oats,
Miss Proud?
Um No, no, sorry. Just Just workin'.
(SNORING)
PROFESSOR: Clearly not on your studies.
(GRUNTING)
Hey, you did better than I thought, Penny.
You get a cool refund of $3 and 50 cents!
$3 and 50 cent?
I spent over a thousand dollars
for these books!
If you brought the books back unused
like Dijonay,
I'd give you a better price.
Look at it this way.
It's almost enough for a Wiz Burger.
-(LAUGHS)
-PENNY: Ugh!
Fine. I'll take it.
Oops, I forgot.
You have an outstanding balance
with the school's bursar's office.
Damn, Penny.
(MUSIC PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)
(MICE SQUEAKING)
Quiet! People are trying to study!
(SCREAMING)
(SCREAMS) Who are you?
The Big O, baby.
Well, you about to get
these big size eights, baby.
Well, hold on, baby bobba.
Put the brakes on that one.
Wow! Hallelujah!
Oh, now I know where you get
your good looks from, baby girl.
What are you talking about?
Now dig. I'm your daddy, baby girl.
Dude, no. You're delusional and gross.
And I am calling campus security.
Slow your roll, baby girl.
Ooh, and if you call me baby girl
one more time, I promise you
You're scared of clowns,
got a birthmark on your left butt cheek.
And you're mad at me for going
on that date with you and that little boy.
Daddy?
Daddy!
I'm so glad to see you.
It's been terrible, Dad.
Being grown is so hard.
All my friends left me.
I had to sell stuff
just to make some money.
I don't even know how you do it, Dad.
It was terrible!
Well, if you learned that lesson,
baby girl, it was all worth it.
Hol', hol', hol',
hol' up, hol' up, hol' up.
How did you get here?
On the mother ship, baby. Hallelujah!
(LAUGHS)
I'm just messing with you.
Dijonay gave me the link.
I'm here to take you home, baby girl.
But I can't go back, Daddy.
I stayed too long,
and I owe Roker all this money.
Don't worry.
I got your mama's Wiz Fargo card.
How much do you owe?
What in the
You were just livin' the life, baby girl.
But don't worry, baby bobba,
I'll take care of Roker.
Okay, Proud.
You make this 94-foot shot,
and I'll let Pennywise go.
You miss
(IN LOW VOICE) I keep you both.
(ROKER LAUGHS MISCHIEVOUSLY)
Don't worry, baby bobba.
9 feet, 900 feet, it don't matter.
I'm like Cochise from Cooley High.
I never miss, baby bobba.
By the way, you've got to hit the shot
while being guarded
by my four Little Rokers here.
I especially like him,
we call him Little LeBron.
(LAUGHING) What's up, boss?
No way a bunch of little Rokers
gonna stop the Big O, baby.
That's right, turn on the heat, Roker.
All right. (BLOWS WHISTLE)
OSCAR: We got this.
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
(GRUNTING)
Get your little Roker butts out here!
LITTLE LEBRON: You know it, boss!
(CHATTERING)
Ahhh!
Oh, that's hot.
Yes!
(LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY)
ROKER: We're num
We're number one! Whoo-hoo!
-No!
-(EXCLAIMS)
-(SQUEALING) We won! We won! We won!
-(LAUGHING)
We won! Yes!
Ugh!
-No!
-Unbelievable!
Man, it's all over. Pay up, Roker, baby.
Fine. All right, you both can go.
Say less. You ain't gotta tell me twice.
Let's go, Daddy.
Nope. I'm staying, baby girl.
I still got six days left
on my free trial.
Next time you see the Big O,
I'll be in the NBA.
Send her home, Roker.
Wait, Daddy. Aren't you coming with
So, Big Fella, the Big O era starts today.
And it also ends today.
-Bye, bye, Big Zero.
-Wait, wait, wait
(LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY)
(COUGHING)
Oh, boys, get me a cough drop.
Oh, yes! It's me again! Yes! (LAUGHS)
(GROANS)
(GLASS BREAKING)
Daddy, I thought you were staying.
So did I. Roker tricked me.
Yeah, that's what he does.
Daddy, I just wanna say,
I owe you an apology.
I really thought being on my own
was gonna be easy, but I am not ready.
(CHUCKLES)
And you don't have to be, baby girl.
You got plenty of time to figure it out.
And until you do, we got you.
No matter how embarrassing it might seem,
we're only doin' it for you.
So you mean you going on stage
and getting shot out of a cannon
by Lamorne Morris
was for me, Daddy?
Actually, no, Penny. That was for me.
I've always wanted to be
in a big Broadway show.
(SINGING) I sold out, I'm not a sell-out
I sold out, I'm not a sell-out
I sold out, I'm not a sell-out
PENNY: Daddy (CHUCKLES)
-I love you.
-OSCAR: And I love you, too, baby girl.
I sold out, I'm not a sell-out
I sold out, I'm not a sell-out
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)