The Second Best Hospital in the Galaxy (2024) s01e07 Episode Script

1
Hey. Who ate all the Boink'O-Bars?
[all] We don't know.
[announcer] Boink'O-Bars.
The bars that make you go Boink'O.
[announcer] You know her as
the pioneering psychia-surgeon
whose work with anxiety has changed lives.
Part therapy, part surgery,
and all courage,
it's time for Being Okay with Dr. K.
[cheering and applause]
I didn't give up on Klak,
and I'm not giving up on you.
[announcer] Today's show is sponsored
by EZ-Freeze.
Stop it cold.
[applause]
Our topic today and every day: anxiety.
Anxiety can be a thief of joy.
It makes new experiences difficult.
The thought of forming new connections
may even feel daunting.
[Klak laughs]
And you can spend so much time
avoiding risk
that you never take any chances at all.
Ha! [grunts]
[laughs]
Mmm.
But you're here to take back some control.
It's time for you to stop being afraid
and to start living!
[maniacal laughter]
♪
[slurping]
[gasps]
[delighted squeak]
[moans]
[mellow sci-fi music plays]
[gasps]
Oh.
- Did it work?
- Does a Glump Frog say kee-ee?
[laughs] Ooh.
I don't know.
Mm. Mmm.
Amazing! My feet can taste again.
Thanks to Dr. Sleech,
an excellent surgeon
and a wonderful
former-partner-now-just-friend.
It's a joy to have once been intimate,
but now be totally platonic.
Totally.
You've got something on your face.
I'm glad we can continue to work together,
despite our saucy history.
I wonder if we might benefit from
having a platonic tete-a-tete tonight?
- [Klak laughs]
- Just two surgeons
doing the relationship post mortem.
Perhaps by candlelight.
[upbeat music plays]
Oh. [laughs]
- [elevator hisses]
- Whoa.
Um, yeah, post mortem. Sure.
Great. Cool. Good.
[sobbing]
[sobbing, munching]
Oh. [purring]
Hey. Klak.
You're hoverskating?
- You don't trust your own balance.
- [gulps]
And did you leave work
to do social activities?
- [high-pitched ringing]
- [Klak panting]
Uh Sleech?
[roars]
[grunts, sighs]
Should we quit medicine
and become hover-derby girls? [laughs]
"Quit medicine"?
[alarms beeping]
You put the worm in your brain!
Come on. This was inevitable.
- We have to get it out of there.
- No, thank you.
Ooh, Hair Beast in operating room four.
- [grunts]
- [crashes]
Uh, add to our research
I can still feel pain.
[upbeat music plays]
[grunts]
- [crunching]
- Whoa.
[panting]
Oh, Klak.
[purring, sobbing]
Just shove it all down, Plowpy.
Shove it all down.
[sniffles] Okay.
[moans]
[humming happily]
[groans]
[sniffles]
Oh. What's happening to me?
[sobbing] I feel so much loss.
I had something and it's gone!
Wait, what am I talking about?
I have everything.
I'm a Bognoth
of the Quandrant Six Bognoths.
I don't know, but same.
Like, I'm in so much emotional pain.
My sadness is usually so much more fun
than this sadness.
Now I feel a growing sense
of shame and dread.
[all moaning and sobbing]
I believe my empathy has inverted.
You're all feeling my unbearable feelings.
Which is confusing because my second
puberty shouldn't be starting for years.
These are your feelings?!
What happened to you, Plowp?
Sleech dumped him.
That's why we're all so sad!
Let me help you with the
Nope, no, I
I can't.
I have to lie down
and stare at the ceiling now.
[all sobbing]
Matt, are you not overcome by my grief?
Oh, for sure, but it's just a feeling
and feelings pass.
I let them wash over me like the tide.
- You should try that.
- Of course.
Sounds easy.
Can't wait to have that be easy for me.
Oh, no. I'm supposed
to win back Sleech tonight.
How could I do that if she can feel
how pathetic I feel?
I knew you were sad because
the Boink'O-Bars are out.
When you're upset, it's those.
When Sleech is upset,
it's the Swizzle Lizzles.
Is Sleech eating a lot of Swizzle Lizzles?
- Huh? Am I what?
- [all gasp]
[groans] What is this?
Am I dying?
Why does it [screams]
Fortunately, Sleech can't
tell the difference
between an emotion
and a stomach ache.
Which means she doesn't know
I'm heartbroken.
We need to fix me
so I can lie about my feelings
- and win her back.
- Yeah!
Oh, no, that'll never work.
- [all groaning]
- Love is a lie.
Ugh, why do I feel
this unrequited longing?
Is this what romantic rejection
feels like?
Because I've never experienced that.
Don't treat me, there's no point!
Not without her!
Who's "her"?
Okay, let's get you back to yourself
so you can pretend
to be someone else for Sleech.
Ugh, you even bounce sad.
[wristcom beeping]
Hello, is this Nurse Terp?
Uh, yeah.
Yes, Nurse Terp at your service.
Hi, it's Dr. Jub.
We met at your interview and we'd love
to welcome you to Nebula General.
The pay is double, you'd start ASAP.
We just lost several nurses
in our De-Boning Relax-O-Matic.
A perk of the job,
but they took it too far.
The pay is double?
Of course. We appreciate
that our nurses work extremely hard.
You deserve to make what you're worth.
Thank you. I'll think on it.
You got the job! Congratu
lations.
Oh, thank you.
I understand why you want to leave.
I want you to know
I appreciate you.
If only you were made of cash.
And Professor Byeenk said
you couldn't join
a Lefgtharian Hair Beast's arotal cavity
to a synthetic cardio-bot.
Klak, he'll die.
His hair-heart will grow so fast
it bursts out of his hair-chest.
I have to slow its cellular growth
with this cardio-lethargical stuntative.
Stunt its growth. [gasps]
That's how to fix the worm.
Inject it with the stuntative.
What? No.
Stay there!
- But, Sleech, I just realized
- No! No more realizations for you!
You jeopardized everything!
You have so much
Now, I know you're all expecting
to see my daughter today.
And the great news is,
- you get to!
- [audience cheering]
Hi, Cutie Gills.
Long hug.
One, two, three.
- What?
- [Sleech screaming]
This artificial Klak was freshly printed.
Behold, my newest prototype
for mental health technology.
[printer buzzing]
These are artificial reproductions
of Klaks in crisis,
on days from Klak's real life.
This is People-Pleasing Klak.
If you want. Happy to be whatever.
[chuckles]
And this is Avoidant Klak.
[murmuring]
And this is Catastrophizing Klak,
- [pained chuckle]
- who, as we all know,
loves to Klak-tastrophize.
[chuckling, awwing]
For those of you
who had a subscription to Klak Trak,
you know we spent years monitoring
Klak's emotional behaviors every day
to track progress over time.
We stored the data and now
we can take any one of those snapshots
and print it, like I just did.
And don't worry, this tech is consistent
with the GHU's standards
for responsible AI.
We understand and accept
our fleeting existence, don't we?
Yeah, uh, 20 minutes of existence,
then back to the techno-biotic substrate.
[chuckles] Just enough time
for me to talk to me
and demonstrate what
healthy self-talk can look like.
- [high-pitched ringing]
- [panting]
[Dr. K] The entire purpose
of this new tech
is healthy self-talk.
[roars]
[sighs]
Now, Klaks, how about we make
some medical history?
Yeah, Mom.
Let's do it.
[grunts]
[buzzing]
Uh
[upbeat music plays]
Where are you going?
- Stop! No!
- [grunts]
- [crashing]
- [yelps]
[hyperventilates]
[panting]
Thanks.
Now, Klak, are you ready to help
a Klak in crisis?
[crashing]
[all gasping]
[grunts]
Hi, Mom.
Long hug?
[gasps softly]
Sorry, Dad. I can only imagine
a nearby funeral
must make your dance lesson difficult.
Yes, I mourned my way
through the CuckaChoo.
The reason I'm calling is
I'm wondering if heartbreak
can make your empathy become inverted?
Nope. The only time that really happens is
when you're going through second puberty.
But I'm still in the middle
of first puberty.
I shouldn't have
to go through this for years.
How's your anus? Elevated secretions?
Yes, anal secretions with each erection,
multiple times per hour.
Sounds just like me
when I started second puberty.
Know that whatever happens,
I love you, Little Egg.
Okay, I should get back
to the dancing and the grieving.
[wristcom beeps]
[sobbing]
Oh no, my emotions are overcoming you.
[sniffles]
I wish I had a dad to talk about
my anal secretions with.
- Klak, this is unlike you.
- Isn't it great?
Would a group of Klaks be called
"ovary of Klaks"?
You haven't earned the right
to disparage your coworkers.
That is solely mine.
Punishment paperwork?
It's not like I said something
about her weird gill rash in HD.
Aah!
So, you're supposed to help me
talk through anxiety? You?
- You can barely smile.
- [audience gasps]
Are you on new medication?
[growls]
[screams, laughs]
[Klak laughs]
Aren't we all sick of talking and working
and recalibrating meds for our anxiety?
What if there was something
that could change your life instantly?
Something that doesn't take weeks,
months, years of adjustments.
Something you can
just pop right into your skull.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I've got a treatment
that can cure anxiety altogether.
[panting]
Better than managing it, huh, Mom?
[motor whirring]
And yes, this treatment's
still in a highly dangerous,
extremely illegal stage
of testing right now, but
- Klak's definitely gonna get arrested.
- [Klak laughs]
Arrested?
- Where are you going?
- Somewhere classified,
to destroy any evidence that might
get Dr. Sleech or Dr. Klak in trouble.
You'll need my access key,
which means you'll need to bring us.
- [Matt sobbing]
- [Plowp purring]
- Stay strong, Matt.
- I'm trying.
You need to run diagnostics,
see if it's anything
other than second puberty.
I hope it's something dramatic and rare
and Sleech finds me unconscious.
Ooh, and she has to operate on you,
but she loses you on the table
realizing too late that
That she loves me!
And then she does some grand romantic
gesture when we're both in the cloud.
Maybe, if we can just act cool,
when we see her tonight,
[voice breaking]
she won't notice.
Klak, stop, what you're doing
is not healthy.
Some anxiety can be useful.
You know that, it's chapter two.
"Some Anxiety Can Be Useful"!
- Without any, you are dangerously
- Hey, no, you're not allowed in here anymore!
Oh. [panting]
Ooh.
[Klak] Because what you don't get
is that anxiety is unbearable.
It's a lie that there's hope
for people like us.
- So I'm gonna do what you won't.
- [panting]
It's the worm!
Klak's in trouble.
She put it in her head,
she won't listen to me,
I'm scared she's gonna die and I
[gasps]
Oh, this is the worst thing
I've ever said in my life.
Azel, please help me.
- Okay.
- What?
Just like that? No yelling? No gloating?
- It's Klak.
- [affectionate groan]
- I don't like this.
- Mm.
Ugh.
Klak left me 27 messages last night.
Is that high or low for you?
She once left me, like, 112 just during
an episode of My Lover, My Clone.
Not so boring now, am I?
That's right, I got a tattoo
of my favorite textbook diagram.
Figure 2.6 for life.
Azel, I love you.
- [dance music plays]
- Yeah! Azel, I hate you.
Tell me everything you know
about the worm.
Well, it's a
killing machine!
[squelching]
[screeches]
The one in Klak's brain
is the second worm.
We have to destroy the original.
It's evidence.
In a storage refrigerator?
That's right, we hid everything
about this illegal worm from the GHU.
Hi, Flim.
[awkward chuckle]
For months, the worm
was our dangerous little secret. [laughs]
So, where's this dangerous,
terrifying worm baby now?
Well
She's in my brain!
- [roars]
- [audience screams]
[gasps]
I'm about to do a surgery
that will stop this worm from growing.
But if it goes badly, then the worm
will explode my brain and, well
[chuckles] you're all in the splash zone.
- [screaming]
- [Klak laughs]
[panting, grunts]
Good thing I can print
my own security force.
- Excuse me.
- Hello.
- Just gonna
- Sorry.
- [overlapping chatter]
- Uh, it's a little crowded in here.
[grunts] Klaks, you know what
Mom's done hasn't helped.
Help me now and I can help us forever.
She does seem
surprisingly confident for one of us.
Honey, no!
Don't let her interfere.
We can handle this.
- Okay.
- Don't do this.
- Klak, you're in the middle of a crisis!
- Hold off security!
- [whimpering] Sorry.
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
[coughing]
[chuckles]
Time to make medical history.
[both panting]
Oh!
[whimpering, grunting]
[panting]
- Sorry.
- Hi, Sleech.
- Aah!
- Aah!
[panting]
Ah, let me go!
Sorry, Mom.
- Sorry, Mama.
- It's okay, honey.
Oh! You've got something in your teeth.
Do I have something in my teeth?
Are you asking me because
I have something in my teeth?
- Hey, do I have something in my teeth?
- Do I have something in my teeth?
No, Mom, I can't let you
manipulate us anymore.
Do I manipulate you?
- Sorry, Mom.
- [Dr. K grunts]
- [whimpering]
- [whooshing]
Well done, Klaks.
Make sure to give her a front row seat.
She's gonna love the next segment.
- [maniacal laugh]
- [gasping]
[panting]
Ah!
Klak, stop!
It's not safe!
[laughs] Oh, your faces.
- This is obviously to open some packaging.
- [hissing]
I'll be using these nano-rovers.
[buzzing]
[exciting music plays]
[both panting]
So, now all I need to do is inject
the worm with this.
So she can stay in my brain forever.
- [roars]
- Small problem.
Sorry, Mom, a-a "growthportunity."
[panting]
Klak, stop!
We've got to get down there.
Trash hole.
After you.
- Ugh. For Klak.
- For Klak.
[grunts]
Hup!
[both screaming]
[gagging, spitting]
[both sobbing]
Oh, God.
It's all hopeless.
My entire identity is about to disappear.
[both sobbing]
[purring]
What?
Why would I have an excess of
bourbouranium in my system?
Bourbouranium can bind
to my hormone receptors,
increasing hormone productivity.
[sniffles] That's what's in Boink'O-Bars.
I eat them whenever I need
to force-lay an egg.
You knew, this entire time,
that these candy bars mess with hormones?!
Yeah, why?!
Why am I so mad? Ugh!
I'm so mad at me!
You know what?
It's okay, I forgive me.
Ugh, it's my own fault.
I binged my way into second puberty.
I apologize in advance
for who I will become.
This is probably the last moment
of me feeling your feelings.
Is that Is that yearning I feel?
Is that yours or mine?
It's mine.
Feeling your feelings
against my will today
has shown me what it might feel like
to be close to people.
In a nice way. I think.
Whatever happens, you'll find a way
to stay the same kind,
sensitive, caring,
puberty bird doctor man.
Bird.
I hadn't considered that this next phase
could be educational for me. Thank you.
Perhaps when I talk to Sleech tonight,
I can maturely [screeches]
No! No, no, no! I'm not ready!
I don't want it, I don't want it,
I don't want it!
Tell Klak people like her. I felt it.
Tell Nurse Tup that we want her to stay.
Tell Sleech she's not as isolated as
[screeches]
[sighs] What was I saying?
Something about Sleech?
[sniffles] Wow, it's so quiet.
My emotions aren't crowded
with everyone in the immediate area.
It's like It's like I have
all this space in myself
that I get to fill up with me.
With glorious me.
[cheering]
Glad you're bouncing happy again!
[delighted laughter]
I can't feel your sadness at all.
[chittering]
[clears throat]
He'll be fine.
He's just got a case of hole-face.
[uplifting music plays]
[screeching]
Come on, come on, come on.
[beeping]
Eating slows you down. Huh.
Well, why don't you feast
upon my memories? [chuckles]
Just one more adjustment.
Almost fixed, sweetie.
Nearly there, kiddo.
[labored breaths]
[beeping rapidly]
One more thing.
You're doing so good.
Almost fixed, sweetie.
Mm?
Just one more thing, honey.
[tense music plays]
[gasping, straining]
[Dr. K] Just one more adjustment.
- [machine whirring down]
- [panting]
[sighs]
Just one more adjustment, Mom.
- Whoa!
- [grunting]
[panting]
Klaks, let us through!
I can't. If I let you in there,
what if it makes real me slip up
a-and cause brain damage
and then I'll have to live in a coma,
but will be alert,
and will watch every single person
Azel dates
from inside our own brain prison?
[squishing]
[tense music plays]
That is extremely improbable,
but it could happen.
If it did, I'd be right there beside you,
sabotaging Azel's happiness at every turn.
If you let Klak do
what she's trying to do,
she's going to die.
She can't die.
I need her.
[panting]
[Sleech] Klak!
[laughs] Yes!
[buzzing]
Wait No.
No, no, no, no, no.
The worm's brain cells
aren't responding to the stuntative.
Ah!
So, how about we do
an impromptu brain surgery?
[panting]
[grunts, moans]
[grunting]
Klak, I know you're in there.
Come on
[grunts]
Sleech.
[both grunt]
[growls]
[yells]
[gasping]
[Klak moans]
I came here to beat her.
- But I've just become her.
- [tool clangs]
No, you haven't.
You've just been treating yourself
the way she treats you.
Like something that needs to be fixed.
I just wanted your life to be easier.
I'm so sorry.
Long hug?
- [beeping]
- [whirring down]
My time is up.
- And I actually like that.
- Oop, sorry.
- Some of me got on you.
- It's totally fine.
[distorting] No worries.
[squishing]
[mellow music plays]
Are you okay?
- No.
- Yeah.
[mysterious music plays]
[alarm trilling]
[gasping]
- [grunts] No, stop. Hey.
- It's dangerous.
- What? A bubble?
- Let me out.
- Seriously?
- Stop.
[roars]
[tense music playing]
[growls]
[roars]
What?!
[sighs]
Okay, hospital, if I'm making
the right choice to leave,
give me a sign.
[roars]
That'll do it.
My mind, uh-oh ♪
The house is burning
but there's no one home ♪
- My mind, uh-oh ♪
- Oh no ♪
The house is burning
but there's no one home ♪
♪
The house is burning
but there's no one home ♪
The house is burning
but there's no one home ♪♪
Chirp.