Top Cat (1961) s01e07 Episode Script

Hiya, Doc.
My sled's out front.
Your sled? That's the way we Eskimos always travel.
I didn't realize you're an Eskimo.
Sure, my grandmother was Nanook of the North.
But you don't look like an Eskimo.
That's because my grandfather was a Schnook from the South.
Anyway, thanks again.
I'll be mushing along.
-What is it? -Nothing, Doc.
Just a little dizziness.
Probably had some bad blubber burgers for lunch.
Hiya, T.
C.
, baby! All set to go? Quiet, you guys.
Don't you know any golf etiquette? Now, hold it while I sink this last putt.
Tough luck, T.
C.
Not quite enough pusharoony.
He never misses.
You coming with us to see Benny at the hospital, T.
C.
? Hospital? What hospital? Where he had his tonsils out.
Oh, that hospital.
Look, I'll tell you what.
You fellows go ahead and tell Benny I'll see him the minute he gets out.
Why don't you come with us? No, I can't quite make it with hospitals.
The white uniform, the smell.
After all, why should I be inside when I can be out here enjoying the fresh air? No, you go without me.
Well, okay.
Hiya, Officer Dibble.
Look, T.
C.
, how many times do I have to tell you to keep this alley cleaned up? I think I'll just run you in for littering.
And don't give me any of your wild excuses.
Well, go ahead.
Say something.
Let's hear the alibi this time.
I bet it's a beaut.
No alibi this time, Officer, none at all.
That's much better.
That's what I like to hear.
What do you mean, no alibi? Just that, sir.
No alibi whatsoever.
I'll go quietly, just put on the handcuffs.
Maybe you've been too busy going to meetings with the mayor? Is that it? No.
I don't even know the mayor.
I get it.
Your old war wound is bothering you.
That bit of Jerry lead you picked up rescuing General Patton? Your maid went back to England to work in a palace? No, I have no excuses at all.
With Benny in the hospital, I just haven't been able to concentrate.
Benny's in the hospital? I was just leaving to visit him.
I had made some nourishing soup, but now I shall have to serve out my prison incarceration first before my mission of mercy.
I had no idea-- On the summons just write: "Unable to comply because his thoughts were with a loved one.
" You're on your way over there now? Go ahead.
But clean up around here as soon as you can.
I never thought I'd see the day.
Top Cat with no alibi at all.
Admitted he was wrong so I was afraid to make the arrest.
But if he didn't have an alibi, how come I let him get away with it? How did it happen this time? Well, there's the hospital.
Rather an imposing institution, what? Sure, but remember, just hello and out again, right? We don't hang around, right? Well, Benny, how's the old tonsils? I can't-- Good, glad to hear it.
All right, let's get out of here.
Wait a second.
At least we got to give him our presents.
Well, all right, but let's make it snappy, fellows.
Here, Benny, I brought you a nice plant.
Go ahead, smell it.
A genuine milkweed! You'll like this, Benny.
Here.
Nice, fresh, crunchy peanut brittle.
Maybe he ain't hungry.
Here, Benny, have a cigar.
Guess he'd prefer to wait and light up after dinner.
But look what I got you, Benny baby.
A portable tape recorder.
Here, say something or sing.
You can hear it right back.
Go ahead.
Good and loud.
But I can't talk.
Hey that's pretty weirdsville.
A guy who doesn't even wanna talk about his operation.
Okay, fellows, we came, we saw Benny, we made the gift drop.
-Now let's get out of here.
-But, gosh, we just-- Them doctors will be coming around any minute.
Those guys spook me.
Come on, let's cut out.
You feel okay, Benny? -When are you getting out? -Tomorrow.
Right, he's leaving tomorrow.
We'll see him then.
Come, let's move on.
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
I'm Dr.
Dawson.
Hi, Doc.
Maybe you can tell us how's Benny doing? He don't seem to want to talk about it.
Yeah, his audio is very dimsville.
The one who could tell you best would be his nurse, Miss Laroo.
Here she comes now.
Don't bother Miss Laroo.
Benny seems fine and we were just leaving.
To get a specialist.
I'm terribly worried about that boy.
I think we should discuss his case.
Hey, T.
C.
, I thought we were going.
You're going, are you? Just what I might expect.
Sure, run out on a pal.
Shrink from him in his hour of need.
Fair-weather friends.
All of you.
Shame! All right, desert us.
Go ahead, abandon him.
But Miss Laroo and I won't.
We'll stand the lonely bedside vigil together.
All night if need be.
Now scat! Miss Laroo, we must be brave.
We can draw strength from each other, right, baby? Our love and affection will pull him through.
But he's perfectly all right.
That's the spirit.
You just keep saying it over and over.
He's gonna get well.
But he's so young, so terribly, terribly young.
I thought he was leaving tomorrow.
Tomorrow? Oh, no, the end can't be that close.
-Not the end.
I meant-- -Just look at him.
But I feel fine.
Do you hear that? A fighter to the end.
But I'm all right.
I wanna leave.
Delirium ! It's worse than I thought.
His only hope now is that we together can see him through.
We're all he has, you know.
We're right here, Benny boy, right by your side.
We'll stay close, day and night.
What's that? Come closer.
He wants us both to hear.
He's really in no danger.
You're right.
We must stay together.
That's the way he would want it.
But I have other patients.
No, we mustn't leave his side.
We'll stay close by him.
Except, I suppose, we could take a few hours off for dinner at my place.
At your place? To discuss the case over, perhaps, some red wine.
-I'm afraid not.
-White wine? It's against regulations.
No, I'm sorry.
But it's not for me.
It's for him.
Your patient.
Think it over.
I'll call for you at 7:00.
Boy, Benny, what a dish! No wonder you wouldn't talk.
All I need is a little time.
Look, Benny, you're very sick, very ill.
Let's keep that old temperature up, right, boy? -But I feel all right.
-Look, we're pals, right? I'd do anything for you, right? And you'd do anything for me, right? Here's your chance.
Forget all of them get-well cards and try to work up a nice relapse.
A little negative thinking will do it.
I'll see you later, kiddo.
I got to get ready for my date with Nurse Laroo.
So long.
Pardon me, pal.
Just where do the nurses come down? -What? Who? -The nurses.
-Right through that door.
-Much obliged.
Anything the matter? No, it's just that I've been waiting five hours.
Five hours? Look, buddy, it's none of my business, of course but if she's kept you waiting five hours, face the facts.
She just doesn't care no more, pal.
Now, if I was you, I'd get me another gal.
-Another gal? -Absolutely.
Why, if mine kept me waiting five hours, I'd just tell her to forget all about it.
Forget all about it? Sure, they just do that to impress you.
They really got some good-looking nurses around here, don't they? What? Yeah, I guess they do.
Yep.
Sure no place for a married man.
You got a little cutie upstairs? Sure do.
Most beautiful little doll you ever saw.
Arrived yesterday.
Blue eyes, cute dimples, tiny turned up nose.
Yeah? Blonde or brunette? No hair at all.
Absolutely bald.
That's the cutest thing about her.
You don't seem so happy, sir.
I just hope this isn't like the last one.
-Why, what was wrong with her? -Nothing but a problem.
She'd take a bottle at 8:00 and polish it off.
Then at 2:00 a.
m.
yell her head off for another one.
Boy, what a swinger! She'd drink them all by herself? Just like that, every drop, and keep the whole neighborhood awake.
Yeah, you mean singing and playing the piano and breaking things? Mostly with her loud crying.
Oh, that kind? They're the worst.
The worst.
And then crawling all around on her hands and knees.
After two bottles, who wouldn't? It's been awful.
I haven't had a decent night's sleep in two years.
Yeah, but what parties! How about you? You got a girl, too? Yeah.
A real beautiful looker.
What are you feeding her? Peanut brittle.
Then later tonight maybe a little pizza for two.
Peanut brittle? Pizza? Or maybe a bowl of chili.
Say, that's some baby.
Yeah, but she'll never match yours and those two bottles a night.
What does she look like? You wouldn't like her.
She's got hair.
A little fuzz? Fuzz? Long curls down to her shoulders.
How big is she? -She's three feet tall.
-Three feet tall? Curly hair down to her shoulders? Say, could I have your autograph? And there she is now.
I thought you might be waiting, but it's no use.
You look ravishing tonight, my sweet.
Shall we go? Shall we use your car? Please understand.
Hospital regulations-- But this is a professional matter.
I merely wish to discuss ways of saving the life of my oldest and dearest friend, you know, old what's-his-name.
I'm afraid I can't.
I barely have time enough for my patients.
I'm sorry.
But at least I can see you when I come visiting old.
-Benny.
-Right.
But he's leaving the hospital tomorrow.
-Tomorrow? -That's right.
I must run.
Bye-bye.
Bad news? Yeah.
A friend of mine here at the hospital.
Terrible.
-Sinking fast? -Worse than that.
He's getting better.
Good morning, I'd like to see Dr.
Dawson about a patient of his with tonsils, or rather, without tonsils.
He's busy.
Nurse, did the copies of my book arrive? Good, here they are.
Hiya, Doc, you remember me? I'm a friend of Benny's.
Yes.
Benny.
Up in Ward 3.
You know, the hopeless case.
Hopeless? It was just tonsils.
He seems to be doing well.
Since he'll be here a few months, I thought we should get him a private room, make his last days more comfortable.
A private room? Same nurse, of course, but a spot more privacy.
But he won't be here that long.
He's leaving for home this afternoon.
No, you can't do that.
In a couple of weeks, he'll be right back to have his tonsils out all over again.
You can rest easy, he's quite fit.
And we need that bed for more serious cases.
Now, if you'll excuse me.
Hello.
My new book? Yes, it's just out.
It's called Strange Diseases of the Arctic.
I spent two years up North getting information for it.
"Strange Diseases of the Arctic.
" Just what I need.
A Mr.
T.
C.
Ogala to see you, Doctor.
-Who? -Mush! -Hiya, Doc.
-Oh, it's you.
Hello.
I just wanted to thank you for all you've done for Benny.
I've come to pick him up.
My sled's out front.
Your sled? That's the way we Eskimos always travel.
I didn't realize you're an Eskimo.
Sure, my grandmother was Nanook of the North.
But you don't look like an Eskimo.
That's because my grandfather was a Schnook from the South.
Anyway, thanks again.
I'll be mushing along.
-What is it? -Nothing, Doc.
Just a little dizziness.
Probably had some bad blubber burgers for lunch.
Blubber burgers? Old Granny Nanook showed me how to make them.
The only thing she liked better was razor blades.
Used to eat them 100 at a time.
100 razor blades? How could she do it? She got them wholesale.
-But how could she swallow them? -Who? -Your grandmother.
Nanook of the North? -Never heard of her.
She married that Schnook from the South, made blubber burgers, ate razor blades.
What are you, some kind of a nut? But you just told me that yourself.
-I did? When? -Just now.
Must have slipped my mind.
How do I get out of here? Same door you came in.
Don't you remember? Sure.
-Are you all right? -Who are you? Dr.
Dawson.
I didn't call a doctor.
Try the house next door.
But don't you.
Wait a minute.
Dizziness, loss of memory.
Let's see, now.
Here it is.
"Blubberitis.
Cause: Stale blubber burgers.
"Treatment: Prolonged hospital care.
"Symptoms: Dizziness, loss of memory "warm, feverish hands--" I got to go now, Doc.
Thanks for everything.
Hot hands.
No doubt about it.
You've got blubberitis.
Just be calm.
Be calm ! Nurse.
We've got to get this patient to bed.
That's right.
Ward 3, with round the clock nurse care.
What's wrong with T.
C.
, Doc? It's blubberitis, a rare disease.
We don't know much about it.
-He has been behaving slightly far-out.
-Is it serious? It's hard to say.
There are only two cases on record.
Both victims were penguins.
How did they make out, Doc? You mean.
The scene just ain't gonna be the same without Top Cat.
And there's nothing we can do.
Nothing.
And his birthday's next week.
He'll never make it.
No, he'll never have another birthday.
Or another Christmas.
How he used to love Christmas.
It was always kind of special with him.
Wait a minute! Who says there's nothing we can do? There is something we can do.
Like, perhaps, exactly what? Top Cat is gonna have his Christmas.
Tomorrow.
Christmas tomorrow? Boy, it sure sneaked up on me this year.
A special Christmas just for T.
C.
Our last together.
We'll make it a real one, with all the trimmings.
Crazy.
We'll get all the stuff and.
Well, and where is Sloppy Joe today? I told him to clean up this place.
He's had plenty of warnings and his time's about up.
You hit it on the head that time, Officer.
What do you mean? He's in the hospital on the critical list.
Critical? Top Cat? How bad is he? I'm sorry to hear it.
I hope he's not in too much pain.
A little more to the right, please.
There, is that better? You're learning.
Now I'll take a look at my other patients.
But, Miss Laroo, you're not finished.
-The brow.
-But.
Just call it the foolish whim of a lonely boy facing that last, long mile.
But I'll be here tomorrow.
Yes, my dear, but will I? Come closer, Miss Laroo.
Everything's getting darker.
You know, Miss Laroo, I've been thinking.
If I do pull through, perhaps you and l-- What? Hold it.
Doctor! Intern! Guard! Number Four.
Now look, you clowns.
Here he comes now.
Good old Santa Claus.
And his helper.
Merry Christmas! Isn't this fun? All right, you guys, get this stuff out of here.
Merry Christmas, T.
C.
Yeah, and a happy Fourth of July.
What's with all this foolishness? Just giving your pad the old Yuletide bit.
It is the season to be jolly! Aren't you guys a little twisted up? Christmas is five months away.
It is for us, but we didn't think you'd make it.
So we-- What he means is, why wait, you know.
We just wanted to have Christmas with you now.
Not that there won't be lots more.
-Of course, lots and lots more.
-So, we brought a tree and-- But you didn't have to do all this.
And some mistletoe.
Mistletoe? Now you're making some sense.
Gentlemen, I think that's enough excitement for today.
Okay.
See you later, Top.
We hope.
-So long.
-Toodle-oo.
Good-bye, T.
C.
I think it's all very beautiful.
Miss Laroo, haven't you forgotten something? What? Yes.
Of course.
No, this.
Mistletoe.
Officer Dibble's phone.
Choo Choo speaking.
This is T.
C.
Listen, I better let you guys in on something.
-I don't have much time.
-We know.
I got some news for you, but you got to keep it quiet.
What is it? I've been talking to Nurse Laroo and I wouldn't be surprised if there were church services before long.
I got to hang up.
I'll call you back.
-Who was it, Choo Choo? -T.
C.
Said he'd been talking to the nurse.
Something about church services.
Church services? Gentlemen, the end is near.
I have some news regarding Nurse Laroo.
The truth is she's been hit by Dan Cupid.
-You mean.
-That's right.
She's fallen pretty hard.
I guess she was just too shy to tell you herself.
That crazy little kid.
-Fell pretty hard, did she? -She sure did.
And love is one thing we haven't found a cure for.
I knew she couldn't last.
Why did she try to fight it? We're sorry to lose her, but he's a wonderful fellow and deserves her.
True, very true.
He's a young doctor back in her hometown.
After all, why try to.
A doctor? She's flying back now.
They get married tomorrow.
No.
There must be some mistake.
-Are you sure? -She told me herself.
I can't believe it.
This is terrible.
Why, this could even mean the end of our engagement.
I'm only telling you this so you won't worry.
We have a fine replacement for her.
-Nurse.
-I'll be right there, Doctor.
You'll be in the best of hands.
Okay, skinny, back in bed.
I work pretty hard and I don't want any trouble.
-I got to get out of here.
-The bed.
What's that Christmas tree doing here? Oh, that's just.
What Christmas tree? And those Christmas stockings.
You have been working too hard.
And the wreath, and the frost in the window.
And the bells.
Tell me, how often do you get these terrible delusions? And the candles, and the Christmas packages.
You need rest, that's it.
Lots of rest.
Happy holidays, Nursey.
You want us to clean it up a little? No.
Leave it just as it was when he was here.
Yeah, he'd like that.
Good old Top Cat, I sure miss you.
I'm sorry I hounded you.
I'd do anything to make up for it.
Hello there.
Who? Officer Dibble? Yes, he is.
But would you call back later.
I don't want to interrupt him just when he's getting interesting.
All right, let's start with the line about doing anything to make up for it.
And with just a touch more feeling.
-Top Cat.
-Namedropper.
You're here.
You're back.
You're well.
That Christmas surprise did it.
Well, you might say that, but I'm still weak as a kitten.
But of course, you'll want the place cleaned up.
Easy, don't touch a thing.
Just relax and don't lift a finger.
All right, if you say so.
But it is a temptation.
It sure is a temptation.