True Jackson, VP (2008) s01e07 Episode Script

"true Jackson, vp" was filmed in front of a live studio audience.
I still think it needs a little somethin'-somethin'.
Maybe some color.
Yellow and black stripes? That's a great idea if I was designin' for a Bumblebee.
Exactly.
We're totally in sync on this.
Hello? Color on the cuffs.
Hold on.
It's Amanda's assistant.
Can you cover her 12:00 meeting? What is it? I don't know.
Why can't she do it? I don't know.
What's your name? I don't know.
Give me that.
You keep sewing.
Hi, mindy.
Oh, Erica? What happened to mindy? Fired? Really? But I just saw her sitting out there 10 minutes ago.
You started nine minutes ago? Welcome aboard.
Now, what's up with this 12:00 meeting? Why can't Amanda do it? Hello? I have a ton of my own stuff to do.
I'm not gonna let Amanda boss me around just 'cause she's a grown-up.
Mm-hmm.
You let Lulu sew again.
I'll never learn, and neither will she.
You know where Amanda is? She's using Max's office while he is at the kazoo festival in monte carlo.
Thanks.
I'm gonna go give Amanda a piece of my mind.
Yeah.
And you can give her something from me, too.
Here's her mail.
I can't believe it.
This is why you're too busy to work? Did you just say somethin' rude? I did.
I need to talk to you.
Wow.
Your teeth are really white.
Anyway, my mom always says, when you have a problem with someone, you say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean.
Then perhaps I should save my retort for another time.
Yeah.
You should put that in your cranky bank.
My what? You know, the stuff you want to say, but shouldn't.
You mean miss an opportunity to hurt someone's feelings? Amanda, I really feel like you're taking advantage of me.
I have a lot of work to do, and so do you.
Listen, I happen to be very, very, busy-- Amanda, the lady's here to airbrush your tan.
Send her back.
Look, true, I'm not just getting pretty because I can.
If you must know, my High School reunion is tonight, and it's been a long, long Not that long of a time since then, and I need to show everyone how delightful I am.
Go easy on those cuticles, or you're having a foot for lunch! That'd be an awfully big lunch.
Oops.
That one fell out of the cranky bank.
From my head to my toes, it's all real and you know, fresh and cool, it's just what I do, t-r-u-e j-a-c-k-s-o-n, v-p workin' at a grown-up job, I never really knew I could work this hard, just used to sit at home and watch tv, now I'm in an office as a new vp, I'm always setting trends with my two best friends, when things get out of hand, we have a plan, we're just messin' around and we're makin' new ground for the whole wide world to see, if you see us in town, you know it's goin' down 'cause I'm the new vp Ryan! Don't distract me.
I'm on level 13, and I just got past the wall of balls, and now I'm Dead.
How can I help you? Tell Ryan what you did.
She totally went off on Amanda.
I did not go off.
I just stood up for myself.
Cool.
Did she ask about me? Your name didn't come up.
But it sure was good to tell her how I felt.
Maybe now she'll treat me differently.
You know, more like a colleague and less like a kid.
Recess is over, pipsqueak.
We get recess? I didn't hear the bell.
I'm not gonna let her get to me.
She can be all, "blah blah blah," and I'll just be, "la-di-dah.
" Why did she have tin foil in her hair? Uh, I think that's pretty obvious.
She's a robot.
You guys, she's getting her hair done for her High School reunion.
Amanda went to High School? Of course she did.
What do you think? I don't know, I just can't picture it.
Yeah.
I wonder what she was like in High School.
Probably not that different.
I bet she was a big bully like she is now.
Hey, twerp, did you do my homework for me? Perfect.
Now beat it.
This is my turf.
Aah! Have a nice trip, principal ruckman? See you next fall.
That is so not even how she was.
No? What do you think she was like in High School? Give me my countin' lesson, you dusty little tadpole.
Perfect.
Now git, or I'll tan your hide.
Aah! Oops.
Have a nice journey, schoolmaster ruckman? See you next harvest.
How old do you think she is? I don't know.
80? 103? You're jokin'.
You want to know what I think Amanda was like in High School? Not really.
Kinda scared.
Easy, baby.
Sorry, Ryan.
Have I ever told you how totally cool you are? You are like the most popular guy in school.
Plus you have, like, the highest score at "wombat combat.
" It's true.
I am pretty spectacular.
About the only thing I don't have is a helicopter.
I'm just kidding.
I do have one.
It is what it is.
Later, baby.
Yeah, right.
Like you have the highest score at "wombat combat.
" Did someone say they had the high score at "wombat combat"? Then your name must be Justin.
No, wait.
That's me.
I'm here to fix miss cantwell's computer.
Uh, great.
Her office is next door.
What's wrong with her computer? It's highly technical, little fella.
You wouldn't understand.
Try me.
Well, for starters, I've gotta do a hot swap on the Jarvis compressor.
Never heard of a Jarvis compressor.
Exactly.
Now I'd love to chit-chat, but that r-12 isn't gonna defrag itself.
I don't think that guy knows what he's talking about.
MmmIsn't that what people usually say about you? Yeah.
Feels kind of good bein' on this side of the fence.
True Jackson's office.
Yeah.
Got it.
All righty.
Amanda needs you to cover her 3:00 meeting.
For all this time she's spending getting beauty treatments, she better look drop-dead gorgeous.
Amanda, I have your chicken sandw--aah! Oscar, are you still there? Hello? Am I pretty yet? You guys are never gonna believe what I found in Amanda's office.
Peanut butter? That is not peanut butter.
What'd you find? I was spying on Justin, and he stepped out of the office for a minute, so I hid under her desk, and I found this.
What is it? It's Amanda's yearbook.
They had yearbooks back then? She wasn't born in the 1700s, Lulu.
I don't know when she was born.
Where's Amanda's picture? Cantwell, cantwell, page 131.
Whoa.
Amanda was a dork? A super-dork.
A mega-super-dork.
I can't believe it.
I just assumed she was all popular.
I'm gonna have trouble sleeping tonight.
She looks like the main character in "spooky night fever.
" Ooh! You know what? This is a long time ago.
Styles change.
Maybe it was cool to look like that.
Well, let's see what her friends wrote.
"Dear Mandy man-hands" "Man-hands?" I never noticed.
Does she? Well, it seems to come up a lot in here.
"Dear man-hands, you are so lame.
And whever you do, do not have a g-r-8 summer.
" That's not nice.
None of these are nice.
This one is.
"Dear Mandy, you are the greatest-- turn page-- dorkwad on all of planet loser.
" Man, people were mean in the olden days.
What are you dorkwads doing with my yearbook? Wow, Amanda, you sure have changed.
Yeah, look at that picture.
You were a total disaster.
Oh, no, no.
That was just the costume for the play that I was in.
I was the lead, of course.
Oh, what was it called, "my face looks like a butt with pimples"? Ryan.
Everyone was so mean to you.
They wrote some pretty ugly things.
What? No, no, no.
Those were just my friends joking around.
You know how girlfriends do.
Well, Emily wrote, "I hate you.
I really, really hate you.
" Classic Emily, always joking.
"I'm not joking.
I'm really, really not joking.
" Okay, they were horrible witches, especially that Emily, queen of the fluffs.
What the whozit's a fluff? A group of fluffy-haired girls whose sole purpose in life were to make non-fluffy-haired girls miserable.
Didn't you have any friends? Uh, true, did you see the picture on page 131? That is not that bad.
Lots of people get enormous blue stains on their dresses.
What the heck happened?! It was October 5th, a day that will haunt me forever.
It was the big dance, and I was looking good.
My skin had really cleared up.
I was wearing a gorgeous dress that I designed myself, and my hair was professionally fluffed.
I immediately attracted the attention of a really cute guy.
But before we were able to dance together, the fluffs stepped in.
Check it out.
Mandy man-hands found a boyfriend.
Now all she needs is a shower.
Aah! Why? That is the saddest story ever.
See, she's not a robot.
She's got feelings.
Oh, you know they program them with that.
It was the most humiliating day of my life.
That is why everything has to be perfect.
I am going to show those fluffs that Mandy man-hands has grown into her hands! Stop staring at them! The fluffs remind me of a group of girls at my school--the pinks.
They're always pushing everyone around, but my mom always says not to let mean people get to me.
She says small people only want to make other people feel small.
How inspirational.
Do you think your mommy can knit that on a pillow for me? Wanna take mine? Hey, techie.
What's goin' on, small fry? What's goin' on is there's no such thing as a Jarvis compressor.
I looked it up on the Internet.
That's 'cause you gotta look it up on the sub-internet.
Wait.
What's the sub-- hey, hey, hey! Okay, that's not a real thing, either.
Now you're just makin' stuff up.
Yeah, right.
I'm gonna go to all the trouble of thinkin' up a bunch of gibberish just so I can get a fat paycheck for doing next to nothing.
Think, man.
What's going on? What's goin' on is I pull back the curtain and find out that the wizard is just a grade-a slacker.
If I was a slacker, would I know how to recalibrate a flux capacitor? That's from "back to the future.
" It was on last night.
I know.
Okay, fine.
The only thing I actually know about computers is that they seem to be here to stay.
Whoa.
Amanda, you look am-- I know.
Amanda, I just spoke to the car service about your limo.
Great.
It's not coming.
What? Apparently, they have no record of your reservation, and they're completely booked.
No record of my reservation? Amanda, don't panic.
It's gonna be okay.
Quick, Lulu, get her some tea.
How could this happen? Uh, I know.
Some dingus messed with your computer.
No time to point fingers, junior.
You did this to me? No! Yes! How am I supposed to get to my reunion? While this should not be considered an admission of guilt, I would like to offer the use of my ride.
It's the '83 armadillo in the garage.
Cherry.
Can't miss it.
Amanda, drink.
What kind of tea was that? It wasn't hazelnut, was it? Wow , you're like a tea psychic.
Great! I'm allergic to hazelnuts, and I'm late.
I gotta go.
Have fun.
I've never even heard of an armadillo.
Oh, yeah, it's the best.
Totally tricked out, brand-new rims, no windshield, bucket seats.
Wait, what did you just say? Bucket seats.
No, before that.
No windshield? It's sweet 'cause when you're at the park and you feel like playin' some badminton, you don't even have to get out of the car.
How often does that come up? Like every day.
Plus, I don't need wiper fluid, so I fill it with root beer.
If I ever get thirsty, I just give myself a little squirt.
Are you almost done with Amanda's work? I'm bored.
And I can't yo-yo so good.
I'm pretty good at the first yo, but then it's just a thing on a string.
Hey, guys.
Look what I found under Amanda's desk.
Master blaster and blue dye Empty.
Oh, no.
Amanda's planning a payback attack on the fluffs.
That's terrible! We're not gonna get to see it.
Lulu, we can't let her do this.
We have to go to the reunion and stop her.
Why do you care what Amanda does anyway? I just think that revenge never solved anything.
Yeah, we know.
Okay, but how are we gonna get there? This limo is bah na-na na na, awesome! ooh ooh! can you believe our luck? Amanda's limo showed up after all.
It's off the chain.
I just feel bad for Amanda missing it.
Oh, don't feel bad for her.
She's cruisin' in a sweet ride.
Oh! Those rotten brats and their stupid calming tea! Oh! I better not break out into hives.
Aah! Oh, there it is.
Does this piece of junk even have turn signals? Aah! Root beer? No! Hey.
Dj snazzy Jason in the house.
I'm gonna be spinning some old school records tonight 'cause my ex-girlfriend took all my cds.
Holla! Here's one from eban and the schletters.
Amanda? It's me, Emily.
Oh, hello, Emily.
I can't wait to catch up.
I just have a quick thing to do.
Yes, I have a thing to do, too.
Okay, not gonna play that one.
Little too close to home, bringin' up a lot of stuff.
We're not here to talk about Arlene, who, fyi, is a pathological liar.
Now let's rock it out, lumberjacks, to another one from eban and the schletters.
Wow, it is old in here.
Do you see her? Nope.
Guess we might as well dance.
No.
We have to find Amanda.
And then we dance? And then we dance.
Been playing that one a lot since she left, especially late at night.
Haven't been sleepin' that well.
Arlene, if you're out there, I wish you nothin' but the worst.
Hello.
May I have everyone's attention, please? I'm Emily winthrop-castro.
Thank you! And thank you all for coming.
The last time I was in this gym, our Lincoln lumberjacks chopped down the st.
Francis crusaders for the state championship! I'm gonna chop you down With ink.
In 5, 4, 3, 2 Stop! What are you doing here? Keeping you from making a huge mistake.
Yeah, we'll talk about it later, because right now, I've gotta spray my high school Nemesis with blue dye.
You are not in High School anymore.
You've gotta let it go.
Whoa! What's up with your hair? And your face? And your clothes? It was that evil car.
You should have ridden in the limo like us.
It has this cool disco light.
Ooh! Ooh! you took my limo? And it was brrrr maow, awesome! remind me to yell at you later.
In the meantime, I have a scene to cause, okay? Amanda! One time in the first grade, this really horrible boy put gum in my hair.
So to get back at him, I convinced him that every time he blinked a bird died.
He kept his eyes open for 40 minutes.
That'll teach him.
Well played.
No, that's not the point.
Oh.
I was as mean to him as he was to me, and it didn't make me feel any better.
Plus, I got so dizzy from keeping my eyes open that I passed out.
Ryan turned out to be one of my best friends.
So you see? Sometimes the people who you think are your enemies-- could you just sew it on a pillow for me, and I'll read it later.
And so, as president of the reunion committee, I would like to present the award for most successful graduate to Amanda cantwell.
What? She wasn't always appreciated the way she deserved to be, but Amanda is truly an inspiration to us all.
From her early days interning at chuffa design to her rise as one of the most successful women in fashion today, Amanda, I think I speak for the entire class when I say, you are my hero.
Amanda? Come on up, Amanda.
Come get your award.
Uh, this This is the greatest honor.
Um I wasn't expecting this at all.
I don't even have a speech prepared, but, uh This is the best moment of my life.
Holla! Let's dance! Finally! Come on, ladies, let's freak it.
On, off, on, off, on, off You really shouldn't touch that.
Open, closed, open, closed, open, closed You're gonna break it.
You know what you're gonna break? The record for most stains on one dress.
You know it's not funny to laugh at other people's misfortunes.
Aw! Well, maybe just a little funny.
That piano tie guy really likes you.
You think? Totally.
Yeah.
Ohmigosh, he's still so cute.
Yeah, he's crushable.
For sure! This night didn't turn out like I planned.
It was actually even better.
For real? It was like the prom night I never had.
I'm really happy for you.
You know this doesn't mean we gonna be friend tomorrow? I know.
I just enjoy [**.]
Queen, [**.]