Turbo FAST (2013) s01e07 Episode Script
A Tale of Two Turbos - The Escargot Affair
1 [engine revvs.]
# - Whoa! - Woo! # Those snails are fast - # Turbo - F-A-S-T # That's the team you'll never beat Turbo, he got super speed Whiplash, he jets to the lead Skidmark, propeller flow Chet's safe, he'll take it slow Smoove Move with them speakers, baby Burn burnin' that fire crazy White Shadow, big with no fear Now you know the team is here There they go, gone in a flash - # Those snails are fast - Turbo # - # Those snails are fast - Whoa! # - # Those snails are fast - Whoa! # Those snails are fast, fast, fast, fast, fast - # Turbo - Woo! # Morning, Jerry.
[grumbles.]
Is that a new shell, Alice? [scoffs.]
- Hows the family, Paul? - Don't you "family Paul" me! You wouldn't give my kid an autograph - because you don't know how to write?! - [stutters.]
T-T-Turbo? - Some role model you are.
- What? I know how to write! Ah! Monsieur Turbo! You promised to be the guest of honor at the opening of my latest bistro, then voilá ! - No Turbo! - What? I would never promise that.
I've got an exclusive deal to promote Dos Bros.
Dos Bros.
Double the brothers, Double the flavor.
[speaking French.]
A snail without honor.
He lied to my kid! [indistinct grumbling.]
You guys, something seriously weird is going on.
- You got to help me.
- Oh, really? Because word on the street is that you don't need any of us.
We just "slow you down.
" And what's this about you saying that Smoove don't groove? Check out these moves.
Clearly, I didn't say any of that! But you did call me Marshmallow Butt! - When?! - When we were kids! [sobbing.]
Trust me, I didn't do or say any of this stuff.
I promise.
Except the Marshmallow Butt thing.
But seriously, Chet, come on, let it go.
- Turbo! You scoundrel! - Who are you? [wedding music plays.]
[gasps.]
I should have known you'd break my heart! - Broke your what, now? - You monster! - You said you'd marry me! - Congratulations! And then you think you can just break it off with a note? Un-congratulations.
"Dear, Jennie.
I, Turbo, being Turbo, cannot marry you.
Sorry.
Keep on truckin'.
Love, Turbo?" I never thought you could be so cruel! [crying.]
Does that even sound like me? - When have I ever said "keep on truckin'"? - Oh, oh! Just now! Uh.
Ma'am, when did Turbo give you this note? Yesterday in the park.
We were meeting to taste cake samples! Wait a sec.
Turbo was with me yesterday.
Yeah! We were practicing at the track all day.
- Which means - The wedding's still on! - [giggles.]
It is? - No.
[screams, sobs.]
It means that the Turbo that dumped Jennie wasn't the real Turbo.
If you're right, we gotta find this guy.
But how? If I was Turbo, where would I go? Uh, you are Turbo.
Ooh, that's right! And I like to race.
To the racetrack! [muttering.]
Marshmallow Butt.
[tires screech.]
I see Turbo! I thought I couldn't write.
[gasps.]
After me! I mean, him! There he is! [all yelling.]
[tires screech.]
Guess I'm not the only one you've made mad! Joe said you rear-shelled him on the road this morning - and just drove away! - You ate the last piece of pie at the diner.
And I'd called dibs! Dibs! [all grumbling.]
Wait, no! You've got the wrong Turbo.
The bad Turbo's over there! [all grumbling.]
Come on, we gotta go! - Who was that guy? - Ooh, he could be your evil twin! Unless you're the evil twin.
- He did call me Marshmallow Butt.
- Oh.
You just can't let that go.
Whoever this imposter is, he's wrecking Turbo's good name.
And I can't even go out and look for him, now that everyone hates me.
So how do we stop this fake Turbo? Simple.
You want to catch an imposter, you become one.
[mechanical whirring.]
- How do I look? - Horrible! It's perfect! - Let's call him Buddy.
- Why Buddy? Because he's our buddy.
Just like Turbo used to be.
When's Turbo coming back? [sighs.]
I guess the disguise works.
Howdy! The name's Buddy.
Howdy, sir, ma'am.
Folks call me Buddy.
Been out on that dusty road.
It's my first time in Starlight City.
You see, I'm a-lookin' for Turbo, the fastest snail in the world.
- And the jerkiest.
- What? Everybody loves Turbo I mean everybody loves Turbo, right? Not as much as Turbo loves Turbo.
[all laughing.]
Anyways where mights a feller find this varmint? You mean when he's not mooching tomatoes from the guys working in the grove? Mooching tomatoes in the grove, huh? You know, I also hear he sleeps in a coffin - and drinks the blood of other snails.
- That's a vampire.
[gasps.]
Turbo's a vampire! That explains so much! [yells.]
[grumbling.]
I've never seen him in the day.
W-Whoa Hey now, folks, just calm down now, OK? Out on the road, they say old Turbo's a pretty good guy.
Well, if they say that on the road, it must be true.
- Yeah, but he's changed.
- Into a vampire! [all grumbling.]
Or is it possible, just possible, that there's some no-good fella that's pretending to be Turbo? - Oh, yeah.
- I never thought of that.
That's crazy.
You're nuts, Buddy! Let's go make some toothpicks into stakes! [all grumbling.]
While you do that, I'll go check out the grove.
Well, well, well, what do you know.
Turbo! Turbo! Over here! I suppose you want to give me some free samples because I'm Turbo, huh? A gang of punk spiders built their webs up in the high vines.
They've been terrorizing all the workers.
Well, you've come to the right snail.
Me, Turbo.
I'm on the case! [all grumbling.]
Let's get that vampire! Hey, uh Turbo! - Who are you? - What? You don't recognize me, your old buddy, Buddy? Oh, hey! Hey, uh, Buddy.
[nervous chuckle.]
So what you doing here, Turbo? Yeah, I was about to fight some pretty nasty spiders, but, uh, looks like they're gone, so I'm gonna bounce.
[screams.]
Help! Oh! Help! [grunts, whimpers.]
Well, well, well, look what we got here, boys.
The world-famous Turbo, caught in our web! Wait, I'm not Turbo! It's just a costume.
You sure looks like Turbo.
Tell you what, after we eat you, we'll see if we run faster.
Right, boys? [all laughing.]
Hey! You want Turbo? You got him.
- Turbo? - That's right.
And I've got a bone to pick with you.
But first, I've got a bone to pick with you, because you have the guy that I want to pick the bone with.
- None of us even have bones.
- That's not the point.
What I'm trying to say is, if you spiders want him, you'll have to go through me.
No, we don't.
You're way over there and he's right here.
Not for long! Keep on truckin'! [engine revvs.]
[grunts.]
Get him, boys! [screeching.]
[grunts, yells.]
[grunts, yells.]
Whew.
Ain't the snail I use to be.
- Wait, why am I still talking like that? - Hey, look out! [grunts, shrieks.]
Hey! Whoever you are, you've got to stop trying to be me and save yourself.
But I wanted to be you.
That's why I made the costume.
It's a tribute.
I'm sort of your biggest fan and [giggles.]
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we can talk about that later.
What I was really saying is, ditch the fake shell and you'll be out of that web.
Oh! - It worked! - Now get out of here! Hey, the little one's free! Kid, run! [yells.]
[screeching.]
No, the other way! Where are you going? Skid, could you have made this thing any tighter? Look out below! [screeching.]
[all yelling.]
All right! Nice job, kid.
- Got you.
- Big mistake.
[tires squeal.]
Oh, no! [grunting.]
Get out.
And tell your friends if they step one of their eight legs into Starlight City, - they'll have to answer to me.
- And me! But mostly him.
Thanks for your help, Turbo.
Well, I couldn't have done it without my buddy? Deuce.
My name is Deuce.
Way to go, Deuce! It's sort of nice to be recognized for who you really are, huh? It sure is.
I'm so, so sorry about what I did.
If I could make it up to you, I would.
Oh, you can, and you will.
[crowd murmuring.]
[Deuce clears throat.]
I'm sorry I didn't show up for that restaurant opening.
Turbo is not now nor has he ever been a vampire.
Fine.
I'm sorry I promised Jennie Shellstein that I'd marry her.
[sighs.]
[giggles.]
This just in: Mel Shellman has no idea what's going on.
This just in: Mel Shellman is scared.
Are we going to save him, Turbo? Some things are beyond my powers, Deuce.
[wedding music plays.]
Bill, Bill, Bill.
Bill, stop sending your mail to the restaurant! [grumbles.]
Oh, Turbo, this fancy one's for you! "Dear, Master Turbo, we request the honor of your presence.
" Yes! This is awesome! Check it out, little amigo! You're getting an award.
"Snail of the Year," from the Bel Air Sportsman's Society! There's a five-course dinner and everything.
Whoo! I got to decide what color tux to rent.
Blue, maybe magenta The Bel Air Sportsman's Society.
What an honor! - What's the Bel Air Sportsman's Society? - [chuckles.]
I have no idea! [string music plays.]
[steel creaking.]
[hip-hop music plays on radio.]
- Why can't I just wear a clip-on? - Quit complaining.
Tito dressed me up like I'm your girlfriend! If we wanna rub eyestalks with the elite, we got to ooze class from our heads to our feet.
I hear they use hundred-dollar bills as napkins.
Wow! They use napkins? [crash.]
[crash.]
[Tito.]
Perfect! Everyone, be classy.
[inhales deeply.]
[door bell rings.]
[music.]
Ah! The snail has arrived! - And the rest of you are? - Turbo's entourage.
We're Not invited.
That's the fanciest door that's ever been slammed in my face! Angelo really needs to see this.
[shutter clicks.]
[phone beeping.]
You know the best part of getting snubbed at the door? - Sneaking in through that vent? - I was going to say cold-hearted revenge, but yeah, that works too.
[mechanical whirring.]
I'm tellin' you, Angelo.
Solid mahogany! So I said, "How do you stop a rhino from charging? Shoot it in the face, of course!" [all laughing.]
Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present the fastest snail alive! [applause.]
You know, as the guest of honor, I really think my friends should be Magnificent! - Oh.
Well, thank you, but - Extraordinary.
Oh.
Well, you know, I'd like to think so.
He looks positively scrumptious.
Well, that's a little weird, but thanks? Oh, wow.
You know, a tour of the kitchen seems nice, but I would really like to talk to someone about getting a plus seven.
Lombardo, the Snail of the Year is here! [gasps.]
[giggles.]
Oh, Sir Reginald, he is just beautiful! I promise you, he will be the finest escargot you have ever tasted.
Escargot? Wait a minute, that means snail.
And I'm a snail.
Which means I'm the escargot! I better get out of here before they put me in a cage.
Man, I really should have put this together faster.
And I'll see you at dinner.
[both laughing.]
[grunting.]
All you're doing is tenderizing yourself.
Wha? [squawks.]
[blows raspberry.]
What's going on? Who are you guys? We're what's for dinner.
The Arctic Hare's an appetizer.
The bird's going in a stew or something.
The orangutan's the main course.
And you're the dessert.
Well, that seems like an unconventional preparation.
- And what are you? - Oh, I'm the toothpicks.
But why? Why would they eat us?! Sir Reginald and his buddies like to eat the rarest of the rare animals.
Don't you know what sportsman means? I thought they just liked badminton or something.
But I'm not rare! There are lots of snails! That won the Indy 500? [cork pops, liquid pours.]
[lively chatter.]
All right, let's crash this shindig! [gasping.]
They do have napkins! Hello.
I'm President Millionaire, king of Richsylvania! [grunts.]
All right, this has got to work.
[tires screeching.]
[grunting.]
- Give it up, kid.
You're toast.
- Or in your case, you're being served on toast.
[chuckles.]
See what I did there? How can you all just sit there and do nothing?! Well, at least that chef will get a couple of spines in his hand before he's done with me.
Your spines! You could use one to pick the lock! Right, that'll so work.
Oh, I didn't know you were already spineless.
[chuckles.]
You see what I did there? [groans.]
[tires screech.]
[slurping.]
"This means something.
This is important.
" Not as important as this! [sucking sound.]
[grunting.]
Oh, it's just a menu.
Let's see what else we're having I told you this would never [lock clicks.]
All right! - Hey, where you going? - Yeah, let us out too! Yeah, here's the thing.
I'm thinking these guys won't have time to look for me if they're too busy enjoying the rest of you.
You little pincushion! Whoopsie.
For what it's worth, I hope you give them all indigestion.
See ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya! [chuckles.]
Not cool, man! [laughing.]
Try to grab the spine.
[straining.]
Not sure I can reach it.
"World's fastest es-car-got.
" What's an es-car-got? [whispering.]
What is wrong with these people?! Uh-uh, no one eats a snail on my watch.
Except maybe if we're trapped on an island, and there's no food and we have to draw straws.
But other than that, no way! Come on, y'all, let's find Turbo! - I I can't get it.
- Wait.
Try this.
Oh.
[cheering.]
Thank you, Chet, for not letting me wear a clip-on! [lock clicks.]
Ohh.
All right! Now let's get the rest of you out.
Just give me a second.
You cannot run, my darling! [grunting.]
[yelling.]
[slow-motion yelling.]
[tires screech.]
[yelling.]
I've got a divine wine and garlic sauce with your name on it.
Sorry, chef, but my brother's off the menu! [sneezes.]
Chet! You guys got in! [yelling.]
- How about a big helping of - White Shadow! Lombardo, do you serve a red or a white wine with snail? [snoring.]
- What the devil?! - Fire at will! [screams.]
[grunts.]
- Do I detect a hint of - Pain? Yes.
Oh.
Thanks, guys.
You can be my plus seven anytime.
We would've got here sooner, but we had a serious case of the munchies.
You're not the only ones.
Meet the rest of the meal.
[squawks.]
Apparently, we're all rare delicacies.
Wow! You were not kidding about rare.
I never thought I'd see a pygmy Bigfoot.
And an antlerless jackalope.
Amazing! - What is wrong with you? - So much! [squawks.]
[yells.]
Condor, no! Bad condor! Snails friends.
- OK, gang, time to go.
- One problem.
These guys can't fit through that tiny vent.
The only other way out is past the crowd of hungry weirdos.
There's no way they won't catch us.
I know a way.
I say! That chef is Animals! [Turbo.]
Yeah.
This is why we don't listen to Shadow.
Stop them! [music.]
[all yelling.]
Run! [screeches.]
[yelling.]
Good condor.
Condor friend! It's the first time I've ever been happy for that to happen.
Sorry to dine and dash! Ride like fury, jackalope! There shall be no escape.
[giggling.]
Oh, dear.
[gasps.]
Turbo?! What's the matter? [blows raspberry.]
Who are all these guys?! [all grumbling.]
Angry rich people? That's never good.
Time to go, amigos! [engine revvs.]
[crash, crash.]
Oh, dear, how dreadful! What shall we do for dinner now? [grunting.]
Finally! [all giggling.]
Looks tasty! Oh, come on! - Get over here! - I'm hungry! Well, that seemed unnecessary.
[Whiplash.]
We'll get you all home in the morning.
Tito's got to jet! Although you wouldn't know it to look at him.
Now this place reeks of class.
OK, orangutan, let's try it out! [groans.]
[grunts, all laughing.]
So classy.
Chirp.
# - Whoa! - Woo! # Those snails are fast - # Turbo - F-A-S-T # That's the team you'll never beat Turbo, he got super speed Whiplash, he jets to the lead Skidmark, propeller flow Chet's safe, he'll take it slow Smoove Move with them speakers, baby Burn burnin' that fire crazy White Shadow, big with no fear Now you know the team is here There they go, gone in a flash - # Those snails are fast - Turbo # - # Those snails are fast - Whoa! # - # Those snails are fast - Whoa! # Those snails are fast, fast, fast, fast, fast - # Turbo - Woo! # Morning, Jerry.
[grumbles.]
Is that a new shell, Alice? [scoffs.]
- Hows the family, Paul? - Don't you "family Paul" me! You wouldn't give my kid an autograph - because you don't know how to write?! - [stutters.]
T-T-Turbo? - Some role model you are.
- What? I know how to write! Ah! Monsieur Turbo! You promised to be the guest of honor at the opening of my latest bistro, then voilá ! - No Turbo! - What? I would never promise that.
I've got an exclusive deal to promote Dos Bros.
Dos Bros.
Double the brothers, Double the flavor.
[speaking French.]
A snail without honor.
He lied to my kid! [indistinct grumbling.]
You guys, something seriously weird is going on.
- You got to help me.
- Oh, really? Because word on the street is that you don't need any of us.
We just "slow you down.
" And what's this about you saying that Smoove don't groove? Check out these moves.
Clearly, I didn't say any of that! But you did call me Marshmallow Butt! - When?! - When we were kids! [sobbing.]
Trust me, I didn't do or say any of this stuff.
I promise.
Except the Marshmallow Butt thing.
But seriously, Chet, come on, let it go.
- Turbo! You scoundrel! - Who are you? [wedding music plays.]
[gasps.]
I should have known you'd break my heart! - Broke your what, now? - You monster! - You said you'd marry me! - Congratulations! And then you think you can just break it off with a note? Un-congratulations.
"Dear, Jennie.
I, Turbo, being Turbo, cannot marry you.
Sorry.
Keep on truckin'.
Love, Turbo?" I never thought you could be so cruel! [crying.]
Does that even sound like me? - When have I ever said "keep on truckin'"? - Oh, oh! Just now! Uh.
Ma'am, when did Turbo give you this note? Yesterday in the park.
We were meeting to taste cake samples! Wait a sec.
Turbo was with me yesterday.
Yeah! We were practicing at the track all day.
- Which means - The wedding's still on! - [giggles.]
It is? - No.
[screams, sobs.]
It means that the Turbo that dumped Jennie wasn't the real Turbo.
If you're right, we gotta find this guy.
But how? If I was Turbo, where would I go? Uh, you are Turbo.
Ooh, that's right! And I like to race.
To the racetrack! [muttering.]
Marshmallow Butt.
[tires screech.]
I see Turbo! I thought I couldn't write.
[gasps.]
After me! I mean, him! There he is! [all yelling.]
[tires screech.]
Guess I'm not the only one you've made mad! Joe said you rear-shelled him on the road this morning - and just drove away! - You ate the last piece of pie at the diner.
And I'd called dibs! Dibs! [all grumbling.]
Wait, no! You've got the wrong Turbo.
The bad Turbo's over there! [all grumbling.]
Come on, we gotta go! - Who was that guy? - Ooh, he could be your evil twin! Unless you're the evil twin.
- He did call me Marshmallow Butt.
- Oh.
You just can't let that go.
Whoever this imposter is, he's wrecking Turbo's good name.
And I can't even go out and look for him, now that everyone hates me.
So how do we stop this fake Turbo? Simple.
You want to catch an imposter, you become one.
[mechanical whirring.]
- How do I look? - Horrible! It's perfect! - Let's call him Buddy.
- Why Buddy? Because he's our buddy.
Just like Turbo used to be.
When's Turbo coming back? [sighs.]
I guess the disguise works.
Howdy! The name's Buddy.
Howdy, sir, ma'am.
Folks call me Buddy.
Been out on that dusty road.
It's my first time in Starlight City.
You see, I'm a-lookin' for Turbo, the fastest snail in the world.
- And the jerkiest.
- What? Everybody loves Turbo I mean everybody loves Turbo, right? Not as much as Turbo loves Turbo.
[all laughing.]
Anyways where mights a feller find this varmint? You mean when he's not mooching tomatoes from the guys working in the grove? Mooching tomatoes in the grove, huh? You know, I also hear he sleeps in a coffin - and drinks the blood of other snails.
- That's a vampire.
[gasps.]
Turbo's a vampire! That explains so much! [yells.]
[grumbling.]
I've never seen him in the day.
W-Whoa Hey now, folks, just calm down now, OK? Out on the road, they say old Turbo's a pretty good guy.
Well, if they say that on the road, it must be true.
- Yeah, but he's changed.
- Into a vampire! [all grumbling.]
Or is it possible, just possible, that there's some no-good fella that's pretending to be Turbo? - Oh, yeah.
- I never thought of that.
That's crazy.
You're nuts, Buddy! Let's go make some toothpicks into stakes! [all grumbling.]
While you do that, I'll go check out the grove.
Well, well, well, what do you know.
Turbo! Turbo! Over here! I suppose you want to give me some free samples because I'm Turbo, huh? A gang of punk spiders built their webs up in the high vines.
They've been terrorizing all the workers.
Well, you've come to the right snail.
Me, Turbo.
I'm on the case! [all grumbling.]
Let's get that vampire! Hey, uh Turbo! - Who are you? - What? You don't recognize me, your old buddy, Buddy? Oh, hey! Hey, uh, Buddy.
[nervous chuckle.]
So what you doing here, Turbo? Yeah, I was about to fight some pretty nasty spiders, but, uh, looks like they're gone, so I'm gonna bounce.
[screams.]
Help! Oh! Help! [grunts, whimpers.]
Well, well, well, look what we got here, boys.
The world-famous Turbo, caught in our web! Wait, I'm not Turbo! It's just a costume.
You sure looks like Turbo.
Tell you what, after we eat you, we'll see if we run faster.
Right, boys? [all laughing.]
Hey! You want Turbo? You got him.
- Turbo? - That's right.
And I've got a bone to pick with you.
But first, I've got a bone to pick with you, because you have the guy that I want to pick the bone with.
- None of us even have bones.
- That's not the point.
What I'm trying to say is, if you spiders want him, you'll have to go through me.
No, we don't.
You're way over there and he's right here.
Not for long! Keep on truckin'! [engine revvs.]
[grunts.]
Get him, boys! [screeching.]
[grunts, yells.]
[grunts, yells.]
Whew.
Ain't the snail I use to be.
- Wait, why am I still talking like that? - Hey, look out! [grunts, shrieks.]
Hey! Whoever you are, you've got to stop trying to be me and save yourself.
But I wanted to be you.
That's why I made the costume.
It's a tribute.
I'm sort of your biggest fan and [giggles.]
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we can talk about that later.
What I was really saying is, ditch the fake shell and you'll be out of that web.
Oh! - It worked! - Now get out of here! Hey, the little one's free! Kid, run! [yells.]
[screeching.]
No, the other way! Where are you going? Skid, could you have made this thing any tighter? Look out below! [screeching.]
[all yelling.]
All right! Nice job, kid.
- Got you.
- Big mistake.
[tires squeal.]
Oh, no! [grunting.]
Get out.
And tell your friends if they step one of their eight legs into Starlight City, - they'll have to answer to me.
- And me! But mostly him.
Thanks for your help, Turbo.
Well, I couldn't have done it without my buddy? Deuce.
My name is Deuce.
Way to go, Deuce! It's sort of nice to be recognized for who you really are, huh? It sure is.
I'm so, so sorry about what I did.
If I could make it up to you, I would.
Oh, you can, and you will.
[crowd murmuring.]
[Deuce clears throat.]
I'm sorry I didn't show up for that restaurant opening.
Turbo is not now nor has he ever been a vampire.
Fine.
I'm sorry I promised Jennie Shellstein that I'd marry her.
[sighs.]
[giggles.]
This just in: Mel Shellman has no idea what's going on.
This just in: Mel Shellman is scared.
Are we going to save him, Turbo? Some things are beyond my powers, Deuce.
[wedding music plays.]
Bill, Bill, Bill.
Bill, stop sending your mail to the restaurant! [grumbles.]
Oh, Turbo, this fancy one's for you! "Dear, Master Turbo, we request the honor of your presence.
" Yes! This is awesome! Check it out, little amigo! You're getting an award.
"Snail of the Year," from the Bel Air Sportsman's Society! There's a five-course dinner and everything.
Whoo! I got to decide what color tux to rent.
Blue, maybe magenta The Bel Air Sportsman's Society.
What an honor! - What's the Bel Air Sportsman's Society? - [chuckles.]
I have no idea! [string music plays.]
[steel creaking.]
[hip-hop music plays on radio.]
- Why can't I just wear a clip-on? - Quit complaining.
Tito dressed me up like I'm your girlfriend! If we wanna rub eyestalks with the elite, we got to ooze class from our heads to our feet.
I hear they use hundred-dollar bills as napkins.
Wow! They use napkins? [crash.]
[crash.]
[Tito.]
Perfect! Everyone, be classy.
[inhales deeply.]
[door bell rings.]
[music.]
Ah! The snail has arrived! - And the rest of you are? - Turbo's entourage.
We're Not invited.
That's the fanciest door that's ever been slammed in my face! Angelo really needs to see this.
[shutter clicks.]
[phone beeping.]
You know the best part of getting snubbed at the door? - Sneaking in through that vent? - I was going to say cold-hearted revenge, but yeah, that works too.
[mechanical whirring.]
I'm tellin' you, Angelo.
Solid mahogany! So I said, "How do you stop a rhino from charging? Shoot it in the face, of course!" [all laughing.]
Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present the fastest snail alive! [applause.]
You know, as the guest of honor, I really think my friends should be Magnificent! - Oh.
Well, thank you, but - Extraordinary.
Oh.
Well, you know, I'd like to think so.
He looks positively scrumptious.
Well, that's a little weird, but thanks? Oh, wow.
You know, a tour of the kitchen seems nice, but I would really like to talk to someone about getting a plus seven.
Lombardo, the Snail of the Year is here! [gasps.]
[giggles.]
Oh, Sir Reginald, he is just beautiful! I promise you, he will be the finest escargot you have ever tasted.
Escargot? Wait a minute, that means snail.
And I'm a snail.
Which means I'm the escargot! I better get out of here before they put me in a cage.
Man, I really should have put this together faster.
And I'll see you at dinner.
[both laughing.]
[grunting.]
All you're doing is tenderizing yourself.
Wha? [squawks.]
[blows raspberry.]
What's going on? Who are you guys? We're what's for dinner.
The Arctic Hare's an appetizer.
The bird's going in a stew or something.
The orangutan's the main course.
And you're the dessert.
Well, that seems like an unconventional preparation.
- And what are you? - Oh, I'm the toothpicks.
But why? Why would they eat us?! Sir Reginald and his buddies like to eat the rarest of the rare animals.
Don't you know what sportsman means? I thought they just liked badminton or something.
But I'm not rare! There are lots of snails! That won the Indy 500? [cork pops, liquid pours.]
[lively chatter.]
All right, let's crash this shindig! [gasping.]
They do have napkins! Hello.
I'm President Millionaire, king of Richsylvania! [grunts.]
All right, this has got to work.
[tires screeching.]
[grunting.]
- Give it up, kid.
You're toast.
- Or in your case, you're being served on toast.
[chuckles.]
See what I did there? How can you all just sit there and do nothing?! Well, at least that chef will get a couple of spines in his hand before he's done with me.
Your spines! You could use one to pick the lock! Right, that'll so work.
Oh, I didn't know you were already spineless.
[chuckles.]
You see what I did there? [groans.]
[tires screech.]
[slurping.]
"This means something.
This is important.
" Not as important as this! [sucking sound.]
[grunting.]
Oh, it's just a menu.
Let's see what else we're having I told you this would never [lock clicks.]
All right! - Hey, where you going? - Yeah, let us out too! Yeah, here's the thing.
I'm thinking these guys won't have time to look for me if they're too busy enjoying the rest of you.
You little pincushion! Whoopsie.
For what it's worth, I hope you give them all indigestion.
See ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya! [chuckles.]
Not cool, man! [laughing.]
Try to grab the spine.
[straining.]
Not sure I can reach it.
"World's fastest es-car-got.
" What's an es-car-got? [whispering.]
What is wrong with these people?! Uh-uh, no one eats a snail on my watch.
Except maybe if we're trapped on an island, and there's no food and we have to draw straws.
But other than that, no way! Come on, y'all, let's find Turbo! - I I can't get it.
- Wait.
Try this.
Oh.
[cheering.]
Thank you, Chet, for not letting me wear a clip-on! [lock clicks.]
Ohh.
All right! Now let's get the rest of you out.
Just give me a second.
You cannot run, my darling! [grunting.]
[yelling.]
[slow-motion yelling.]
[tires screech.]
[yelling.]
I've got a divine wine and garlic sauce with your name on it.
Sorry, chef, but my brother's off the menu! [sneezes.]
Chet! You guys got in! [yelling.]
- How about a big helping of - White Shadow! Lombardo, do you serve a red or a white wine with snail? [snoring.]
- What the devil?! - Fire at will! [screams.]
[grunts.]
- Do I detect a hint of - Pain? Yes.
Oh.
Thanks, guys.
You can be my plus seven anytime.
We would've got here sooner, but we had a serious case of the munchies.
You're not the only ones.
Meet the rest of the meal.
[squawks.]
Apparently, we're all rare delicacies.
Wow! You were not kidding about rare.
I never thought I'd see a pygmy Bigfoot.
And an antlerless jackalope.
Amazing! - What is wrong with you? - So much! [squawks.]
[yells.]
Condor, no! Bad condor! Snails friends.
- OK, gang, time to go.
- One problem.
These guys can't fit through that tiny vent.
The only other way out is past the crowd of hungry weirdos.
There's no way they won't catch us.
I know a way.
I say! That chef is Animals! [Turbo.]
Yeah.
This is why we don't listen to Shadow.
Stop them! [music.]
[all yelling.]
Run! [screeches.]
[yelling.]
Good condor.
Condor friend! It's the first time I've ever been happy for that to happen.
Sorry to dine and dash! Ride like fury, jackalope! There shall be no escape.
[giggling.]
Oh, dear.
[gasps.]
Turbo?! What's the matter? [blows raspberry.]
Who are all these guys?! [all grumbling.]
Angry rich people? That's never good.
Time to go, amigos! [engine revvs.]
[crash, crash.]
Oh, dear, how dreadful! What shall we do for dinner now? [grunting.]
Finally! [all giggling.]
Looks tasty! Oh, come on! - Get over here! - I'm hungry! Well, that seemed unnecessary.
[Whiplash.]
We'll get you all home in the morning.
Tito's got to jet! Although you wouldn't know it to look at him.
Now this place reeks of class.
OK, orangutan, let's try it out! [groans.]
[grunts, all laughing.]
So classy.
Chirp.