Ugly Betty s01e07 Episode Script

Previously on Ugly Betty I am your mother.
Then maybe you should act like it.
Listen, I'm sorry.
I'm new here, and I'm not really that familiar with everyone yet.
- Of course, I'm- - Daniel Meade, "Mode" magazine- the only one in this room who was born into his job.
I never applied for a green card or amnesty because I was afraid they'd send me back.
I killed Ramiro Vasquez.
Why are you dripping on my bagel? I was on the "M.
Y.
W.
" floor, standing under sprinklers, and there was a fire.
Sorry.
And you were there because Oh! I was getting Sofia's autograph.
You like her books? It's terrific.
Seems like generic chick lit to me.
No.
No, Daniel.
Actually, it's-it's inspired.
Really? "Girls like it on top"? - It's a metaphor.
- Ah yeah.
Anyway, she was signing my copy, and there was a wastebasket by her in the copy room, and the sprinklers went off, and now I'm wet.
Betty, you have mascara on your face.
Thanks.
Other side.
So I have any messages? Yes.
Mike Day called, and he's turning down the hotel review assignment.
He says he only does serious journalism now.
Unbelievable.
Five years ago, he's writing for an airline magazine.
Now he's acting like Katie Couric.
That's the third writer who's turned down the assignment, right? I'll put together a list of other freelancers for you.
Everybody get in here.
We can't waste any more time.
- What the hell? - Just keep all their stuff together, - so it won't get mixed up.
- What are you doing? Oh, my editors and I are working here until our offices are cleaned.
No, wait a second.
You can't just come in here and take over my conference room.
Your daddy said I could.
Mr.
Meade didn't okay it with me.
Then you should take it up with him.
Whoa, whoa! Be careful with those mock-ups.
You're getting 'em all wet.
Those have to go back exactly as they were.
Well, of course, of course.
'Cause you might forget which half-naked, emaciated woman you want for your cover.
And your lead story? Just great-"Ten ways to lose thighs and get guys.
" - So empowering.
- Really? And what's your cover story, "Ten ways to treat a guy like dirt so you end up a lonely, desperate cat lady"? Well, the title's a little long, but thanks for the story pitch.
Bye.
This is outrageous.
Wilhelmina, be reasonable.
You're asking me to entertain Ted Lebeau, the president of Beaumart- a store which has the fashion equivalent of canned ravioli.
We need their ad dollars.
Lebeau is only in town from Texas for the weekend.
I need you to push him off the fence and into our pockets.
Why aren't you assigning this to Daniel? We both know you're the best person for the job.
You've landed almost every account for "Mode.
" And yet I'm still just creative director.
Also, I think Ted might be more receptive to a beautiful woman.
Well, I can't argue with that.
I'll charm the denim chaps right off him.
Hey.
You want a sandwich? No, thanks.
Last time you were this quiet, you were about to tell me you were pregnant.
I think I know where we can get the 5 grand for Leah.
You tell the lawyer anything about why I had to emigrate? No, I wouldn't tell anybody that you Killed a man? I can't imagine what you and your sister think of me.
Hey, no.
Papi, you were defending mom.
We understand.
We don't judge you.
Thank you, mi amor.
So where you getting this money? Santos.
Absolutely not.
I don't want a cent from that degenerate.
We have no choice! Oh, there you are.
Betty, I've got something for you.
This one's nice and dry.
"To Betty a girl like no other.
Love, Sofia.
" Wow, that's so nice.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Listen, I need a little favor.
Of course.
Anything, anything.
I want to get fresh eyes on this piece I'm writing.
Yeah, okay.
Um, I'll just call the features editor, - and they can help you.
- No, no, no, no, no.
I want your opinion.
You're my key demographic for "M.
Y.
W.
" I am hoping to appeal to the regular girl, not these hipster fashionistas here.
Okay, cool.
Um "sexaholics-spotting them and stopping them.
" Um you know, I'm- I'm not so sure that I'm qualified to give an opinion on the subject.
Betty Suarez, you are more than qualified.
You understand my writing.
I mean, I have read every single one of your books, and, um, when I was at Queens college, I wrote a report about you.
- What's going on? - I'm honored.
Oh, I needed some thoughts on this article, and I'm taking advantage of Betty's intelligence, which I'm sure you underuse on a daily basis.
All right.
You know what? I've had enough of you.
First, you take over the conference room.
Now you're trying to hijack my assistant.
Betty come on.
I have a lot of things for you to do.
Sorry, Daniel.
I didn't know you were the jealous type.
Betty.
Sorry.
But maybe I can help you later.
I'm sure.
Thank you.
She wants me.
Excuse me? Well, you were there.
You saw it, right? I didn't really pick up on it.
Oh, come on.
Sexaholics? That was clearly a jab at me.
She gave you the article because she knew I'd see it.
Daniel, you think maybe you're reading just a little bit too much into this? No, no, no, no, no.
Trust me.
I know women.
She's playing games.
But you know what? It's fine.
I'll just play games right back.
Daniel, um, do you actually have something for me to do? Uh yeah.
I, uh, I need you to pick up my dry cleaning.
I need you to buy me a new sliding plastic thingy for under my chair.
That one's worn out.
"Slidy plastic thingy.
" Coming right up.
Betty! I'll tell you what.
Uh I do have something more important for you.
Um, you know I need a writer for that hotel review.
Why don't you do it? What? What, I can write the review? - Shut up.
Really? - Yeah, it'll be fun.
The hotel is 50 Prince in Soho.
You can just change the reservation to your name, if you want.
Okay.
Yeah.
Great.
Um, when do you need it by? Uh, monday.
Leave a little early today and just spend the whole weekend at the hotel.
Okay wait! Um, this weekend? Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Walter planned a romantic weekend for us in Atlantic City, and he's really looking forward to it.
Oh, you can go to Atlantic City anytime.
All you need to do is find the nearest retirement home, get on the first bus that pulls up.
I don't want to disappoint him.
Well, invite Walter to go to the hotel with you.
That way you still get to spend the weekend together, but just not surrounded by seafood buffets and $10 hookers.
Yeah, but then he's gonna distract me from my work.
Sounds to me like you've already made your decision, but you're feeling bad about it.
Hey, braveheart, Wilhelmina wants you to put together a rack of Beaumart clothes for the meeting.
Oh, check out the Kelly Clarkson line.
All her skirts have a elastic waist- bands, so they're really comfortable.
Thanks for the tip, love.
Of course.
So I hear Daniel gave you a big writing assignment.
Yeah, it's really exciting.
It's my first one.
A word of advice- you may want to take the Betty-wear down just a notch.
The human piñata look may be all the rage in Queens, but in Soho, they'll arrest you for crimes against humanity.
Have fun.
What about Atlantic City? This hotel review is really important.
If-if I do a good job, it could lead to better things at "Mode.
" I can't just pass up this opportunity.
Oh, I was really looking forward to this trip with you.
I got us tickets for the live stage show of "The price is right.
" - You did? - Yes! And you know I rule at plinko.
Well why don't you come and stay with me at the hotel? I don't wanna stay at some lame Manhattan hotel.
I'm going to A.
C.
, and I'm winning a dinette set.
That wasn't much of an invitation.
Well, Atlantic City isn't going anywhere.
No, honey, but your boyfriend might.
I got it.
I got it.
Don't worry.
Thank you.
There's nothing to be afraid of.
It's just a hotel, and I'm here to do my job.
Hi.
I have a reservation.
Betty Suarez.
Whoa.
Nice orthodontia.
Bright.
Thank you.
Um, do you need I.
D.
? I have a business card in here somewhere.
You're from "Mode"? I am.
Yes.
Do you need to see my card? Ms.
Suarez, welcome to 50 Prince.
We're delighted to have you as our guest.
We have a wonderful suite waiting.
Please have a seat, and the bellhop will be right with you.
Okay.
Thank you.
Um, those aren't real.
Right.
Thank you.
You know that's not a pop-up book, right? I hope not.
I'm doing research.
I'm writing an article on women who tease their way to the top.
Can I get some quotes? You think I tease men to get power? You don't know me at all.
Well, give me an hour.
Daniel Meade- you are a presumptuous, chauvinistic, payaso, prepotente, insolente, creído, presumido Shoot.
I don't have any cash, but I have three rides left on it.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I'm in heaven.
I'm in hell.
Imagine working at a sweatshop and not even being proud of what you're making.
Oh, now look at this.
This isn't too bad, this little tartan number.
Well, then you wear it.
I'm sure you'll be a big hit at the next bagpipe convention.
Oh, now I like this.
I think this is perfect for your weekly meetings at the coven.
Here's what I've dug up on Mr.
Ted Lebeau.
Aside from being obscenely wealthy, he has three kids, four ex-wives and five golden retrievers.
I think Davy Crockett showed at Westminster.
How nouveau riche.
All right.
Let's sprinkle a little lone star state around my office.
Make him feel at home.
Oh, Mark.
Did, uh, Nico return my call? Not yet.
Are you certain you sent the care package to the boarding school? I'm certain.
Can you call her again, please? Yes.
Oh! Soft and cozy.
No uh, lavish refinement and downy opulence.
Spectacular view.
No that's boring.
Deliciously divine view.
Ms.
Suarez.
How can I help you? Oh.
Hi.
I'd like to order a massage.
Very good.
You look like a bank manager.
I doubt any bank managers are wearing La Perla undergarments.
I found an interview in a whiskey magazine where tex extols the virtues of rye.
Yes? Ah, yes.
Marc will come and escort him in.
Thank you.
Oh! I wanted to watch him mosey.
All right.
I'm gonna giddyap.
Ooh.
Howdy.
Mr.
Lebeau.
I'm Wilhelmina Slater.
Pleasure to meet you.
Call me Ted.
Ted it is.
That's our most popular line.
Affordable and stylish.
The career woman on a budget.
How you like it? It's like nothing I own.
Well, it looks good on you.
So you a fan of college ball? - Excuse me? - Longhorns.
You went to U.
T.
- Austin? Oh, no.
Uh, Marc did.
Yes, I did.
It was so southern.
Go Longhorns! Yay! God bless America.
Is this your daughter? Yes, it is.
So shall we talk, uh, business? Well, my ad people tell me I should be in your swanky magazine, but I'm not sure it's the right fit.
Why don't you convince me? Oh, my gosh.
Hi, I'm Sven.
Ready for your massage? You're not a girl.
No, all the women were booked for the evening.
I'll set up the table, and you can disrobe.
These are good, really good.
You can't even feel the difference.
Definitely.
You know, I didn't get an invite to the slumber party.
Did I miss the pillow fight? Can I have the water bra, please? You know, if you want a man's perspective- natural and bigger.
Daniel, we're doing an article on breast reconstruction for recovering women.
Oh.
Um um I'm gonna go.
Are you sure you wanna wear your glasses? Yeah.
Yeah, um, I have to take notes.
So um would you say that you are manipulating my muscles right now? I guess.
Hmm.
Um is this Shih Tzu or or are you "Rolfing" me? I'll get that.
You just, uh you just keep relaxing.
Yes? What's going on here? Santos.
Hilda.
I haven't seen you in a few.
You look good.
Um can I talk to you in private for a second? I heard at junior's bodega you hit big on a number.
Right to the point- that's my favorite thing about you.
I can't say I have a favorite thing about you.
Please.
I know what I got that you like.
I need money, Santos.
For Ignacio.
Come on, in this neighborhood? You heard I won money.
I heard you need money.
- How much? - 5 grand for a lawyer.
Look, I've never asked you for a penny, but we're in a lot of trouble right now.
I need your help.
You know how hard this is for me.
You always carry that kind of cash on you? I didn't get a chance to deposit it in my checking account.
I didn't know they had checking accounts at O.
T.
B.
Look, I only got half right now.
I'll give you the rest later.
But I want to see Justin in return.
I want to see my son.
It's not what it seems.
It's just a massage.
I have to review all of the hotel services.
I don't like strange, tall, muscle guys touching you.
It was nothing.
- Excuse me.
- Thank you, Sven.
- You were wonderful.
- You're welcome.
Walter- why are you here? What happened to Atlantic City? I got off the bus at Secaucus.
I couldn't go.
I I just want to spend time with you, Betty.
It's all about you and me.
It doesn't matter if it's Atlantic City or a a really nice hotel room.
Wow.
It's beautiful, isn't it? This is freakin' sweet! I'm really glad you're here.
But you know that I need to focus on my work.
We can have fun, but this weekend is all about my review.
I'm not gonna get in your way.
Okay.
I need to get changed.
I made dinner reservations.
Okay.
I'll watch TV while you change.
Walter, you can't wear a t- shirt to a 3-star restaurant.
Why not? Rock stars wear t-shirts to award shows.
You're not a rock star.
You play the flute in a Jethro Tull tribute band.
We're buying you a dress shirt.
You like it? It's my prom dress.
Wow.
Our readership has climbed 10% in the past year, which is impressive, considering the internet's negative effect on the magazine industry.
Yeah, but the people that shop at Beaumart don't read "Mode," and the people that read "Mode" are too uppity to shop at Beaumart.
What's the point of spending money on ads? Well, we do have regular people that work here, Ted.
We're not out of touch with real America.
I have an uncle who lives all the way out in New Jersey.
Times are changing.
Couture designers are branching out.
Luella, Mizrahi, McCartney are all doing lines for discount-brand stores.
With my help, I can convince a designer to do a line for Beaumart.
That's interesting.
Why don't we chat about it over dinner? Oh, wonderful.
I made reservations at Babbo.
You know, I don't come to New York City often, but when I do, there's only one place I like to go to.
I love this place! I think we're in Kansas, Toto.
But we're only 15 minutes late.
We gave up the table after 10 minutes.
It's friday night, and we're completely booked.
You're not getting in tonight.
Let's just go upstairs.
We'll order room service.
We'll snuggle.
It'll be romantic.
No! Walter, I have to eat here.
This is my job.
Excuse me.
I'm here reviewing your hotel for my magazine.
I'm from "Mode.
" "Mode.
" My mistake.
I have a lovely table waiting for you.
Please follow me.
Give it back.
I don't want to be indebted to that loser.
After everything he's put you through? No.
Papi, drop it.
It's done.
Santos is not a generous man.
What did you have to do for the money? He's coming to see Justin tonight.
You're just asking for trouble, mija.
I know that's not the picture I chose, because the one I chose, it wasn't focused, unless I'm going blind-oh! Very, very nice, girls.
Who ordered this? - Hmm? - Not me.
So you obviously made it to the tenth chapter, where I mention indian food as an aphrodisiac.
Sorry about what I said before.
The whole breast thing.
Apology accepted.
So what do you think? Oh, yeah, no.
I'm getting into it.
It's pretty funny.
Interesting.
But you really think men are gonna be obsolete in a thousand years? Oh, absolutely.
Maybe sooner.
That doesn't mean I wouldn't miss you.
What else caught your eye? Well, you're the first one in your family to graduate college, you speak five languages, and you still have a bullet in your hip from a hunting trip.
Oh, my god.
How can you eat this? I'm mexican.
This is nothing.
Oh, you look like you could use some air.
Do you ride? Ride what? Red wine reduction.
Why would I want my food reduced? Maybe it has less calories? I think we should get the chef's tasting menu.
It's probably his greatest hits.
So tell me- would you say that the ambience is romantic or better suited for business occasions? I don't know.
It's kind of pretentious.
Walter, look.
I've never written anything like this before, so I don't know what I'm supposed to be focusing on, and I'd really appreciate some help.
I don't know anything about this stuff.
You know what? Maybe if we go upstairs, right? Order a couple of burgers, watch a little cable I can help you review the TV reception.
What? Okay, here we go.
- Do you serve food? - Of course, sweetie.
Anything non-dairy? Ted, let's talk ad pages.
Just a second.
Let me see that menu, cutie.
Okay, we'll have an order of nachos, extra chili, and we want some hot wings, and keep that beer coming, darlin'.
Do you like buffalo wings, Willy? Oh, they are my favorite snack.
Especially on super bowl sunday.
Marc! You know, I think, it's - Marc, you can leave, darling.
- I love you.
Oh, come on! Uh, it's a lucky shot.
No luck.
I'm good.
Three out of five.
Do you really want to do that to yourself? I play to win.
So do I.
Let's, uh, make it a little more interesting? Keep that wallet out.
I'm gonna empty it.
Really? Come on.
Show me your rack.
Sweet corn foam with black truffle jelly and duck foie gras air.
Compliments of the chef.
Thank you.
Which one's foam, and which one's air? Well, that's obvious.
It's whichever one's lighter is the air.
Um, I think we're supposed to dip the bread in the foam.
Go ahead.
Dip.
Would you say that that ravished your inquisitive palate or induced an orgasmic explosion of scintillating flavors on your taste buds? It's like eating shaving cream.
- Did you call him? - Four times.
It went straight to voice mail.
Mom, it's okay.
He's not coming.
Just forget about it.
He's right.
And it's better this way.
You don't need him around.
He's a speeding train coming right at you.
Why do you think I'm a tease? Why do you think I'm a sexaholic? You win.
Why did you just throw the game? Because your ego was getting a little bruised.
Sofia, let's end the games.
You never answered my question.
Why do you think I'm a sexaholic? I never said that.
But you sent that article over to Betty.
It was about me, right? You're so narcissistic.
What makes you think it was not about me? That's it.
I am gonna grab that son of a bitch by the back of his neck and drag him down Roosevelt boulevard.
Keep watching.
I might be on the 11:00 news.
Jellied terrine of brown crab with lamb's brains and courgette.
What's courgette? Zucchini.
Why didn't you just say zucchini? Because they call it courgette.
I'm not eating this.
It's gross.
Walter, please.
I want real food, Betty! Walter, will you please keep your voice down? Could I just get a burger and fries? I'll see what I can do, sir.
I can't believe that you just did that.
What? What's the big deal? It's a restaurant.
They have a stove.
They can make me a cheeseburger.
Oh, I should've asked for cheese.
You know how important this review is to me, and you're sabotaging it because you've never liked me working at "Mode.
" No, what-I'm not trying to sabotage you.
I just don't like this place, and I-I don't like pretending to be somebody that I'm not.
What? What, you're saying that I'm pretending? Yeah, and I don't get it.
We don't belong in places like these.
No, Walter, maybe you don't belong.
You're right.
I don't.
I don't know Betty from "Mode.
" I like Betty from Queens.
You know, why don't you tell her to give me a call when she shows up? Nestled in downtown gotham, the hotbed of all that is super chic and scrumptiously posh, delectable dreamland.
Hate that.
This isn't me.
It's not who I am.
Hi.
It's Betty.
You're too late.
Justin's already asleep, and I have been looking all over for your ass.
So what? Tell me, what is the excuse this time? I can offer you an insert in the june issue.
It's our bridal issue.
It is one of our top-selling.
One more round.
Oh, Ted.
Enough with the frat party.
You're not gonna advertise.
Just a minute.
Hey, Nico.
Did you get the, uh, care package I sent you? Oh, of-of course I knew you're allergic to perfume.
That was for your roommate.
You don't have a roommate? Well darling, I'm doing the best I can.
Well, how- how am I supposed to know you're in jelly bean withdrawal? E- mail me a list.
I'll have Marc go to the- Nico.
Just what happened? The money I gave you- I owed it to my bookie.
I was about to come over to the house, but a couple of large guys paid me a little visit.
Well, at least they left you with your teeth.
That was very considerate of them.
Yeah, but I still had to cancel my big photo shoot.
With this face? You could do a public service announcement about the dangers of illegal gambling.
I'm sorry you spent all night looking for me.
I'm sorry about a lot of other stuff, too.
Okay, don't- don't start getting all real and emotional.
It's not sexy.
I just- I didn't want Justin to see me like this, you know? Hey, you know it's just a little blood, and a couple of bruises.
You'll be brand new when he sees you on Thanksgiving.
I'd like you to come.
Watch it.
That's what you get.
I have three teenage daughters.
When their hormones kick in, one minute they love you, the next, they're saying and doing everything they can to put the hurt on you.
Well, she has every reason to be angry at me.
I didn't put together her care package.
I had Marc do it.
She's like cat in a saw? She's all upset? I believe the exact words were, "I hate you.
You suck.
" If you'd been a stay-at-home mom and baked cookies, she'd still hate you and think you suck.
The truth of the matter is, I could've tried to bake some cookies at least once.
When my girls were little, I worked 15 hours a day.
Now I'm trying to make up for it.
It's what you have to do.
It's what your daughter wants.
You know, I'm glad I saw this side of you.
Wilhelmina Slater's a mom.
Trying to be a mom.
Well, someone who makes the effort to be a good parent is the kind of person I want to work with.
You'll advertise with us? Actually, I made that decision after your sales pitch back at the office, but I thought I'd have a little fun at your expense.
So now I'd like some real food.
What do you say we go over to Babbo? I know Mario.
He'll keep his kitchen open for me.
Oh, thank you! What's in the bag? Your burger.
It's kinda cold, and I ate half of it, but it's really good.
Thanks.
You came all the way back here to bring me a burger? No.
I came back to apologize.
You know, when I said that you didn't belong, I was talking about me.
I was just so nervous that I couldn't do things the right way.
I don't get it.
Why-why do you put yourself through it? Because it's-it's what I've always dreamed of doing.
I'm scared of losing you.
You're not gonna lose me.
I'm here.
I just need you to support me.
I used the shampoo you bought me.
It really gets the frizz out.
Oh, that's great.
- I gotta get going.
- Here.
- Good luck.
- Thank you.
I think I did a good job.
I'm really proud of it.
That's what counts, mi amor.
- Have a good day.
- Thank you.
Justin, I need to talk to you for a second.
Okay.
I better get ready for work.
I have a big surprise for you.
Guess who's coming to Thanksgiving dinner? Martha Stewart? I won the contest! Martha Stewart? No.
Your father.
I'll believe that when I see it.
Look papito, I know your father messes up sometimes all the time, but he means well, and he loves you.
It's just something came up the other night.
I've heard that excuse.
Look, your dad came through with the money to help your grandpa, so we have to open our home to him.
I guess.
It's just Martha would have been a better surprise.
Good morning.
Our offices are all cleaned up, so we'll be getting out of your way.
Out of my way? Sofia, I haven't stopped thinking about you all weekend.
Sent you a message-messages.
You get my e-mails? Yeah, I was busy.
Busy doing what? I had plans with my boyfriend.
Apologies galore for friday night.
There's something about drinking out of body parts that makes me feel kind of pukey.
I assume you landed the account.
Among other things.
You must have had some weekend.
A straight man bought you shoes-nice ones.
I peeked and maybe tried them on.
"A little high fashion and a little down-home country make a great match.
Love, Ted.
" Wow, it's really good.
You did great.
I don't think I can use it, though.
But you just said it was really good.
No, it is.
I mean, it's-it's really you, Betty.
It's just not really "Mode.
" Right.
Okay, yeah.
I guess I understand that.
See, our readers-they're not interested in a regular girl point of view.
They want something sleek and, uh, and glamorous.
I will print a shorter version, though- the name of the hotel, the, uh, the 3-star rating you gave it.
Okay.
Well, thank you for the opportunity, and I hope that if another assignment comes up, you'll let me try again.
Absolutely.
Okay.
Oh, there you are.
I've been looking everywhere for you.
Why are you hiding in the bathroom? I'm not hiding.
I'm just I'm hiding.
Is it because of this? I blew it.
He's not gonna run it.
Betty what do you care what he thinks? You cannot let other people's opinions get you down, especially in this business.
Now enough of the pity party.
Come on.
Stand up straight.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
Chin up.
Show me those braces.
Now repeat after me.
- I am an attractive - I am an attractive - intelligent - intelligent confident businesswoman.
- You did read my book.
- I did.
I thought your article was terrific.
You liked it? I loved it.
Oh, I almost forgot.
I'm running your article in my magazine if it's all right with you.
Yes!