Wednesday (2022) s01e07 Episode Script

1
[thunder rumbling]
["If I Be Wrong" by Wolf Larsen playing]
[Wednesday] I enjoy funerals.
I've been crashing them since I was
old enough to read the obituary section.
"God is our refuge and strength"
Mayor Walker was murdered,
and I know the killer is here,
standing innocently among us,
plotting their next move.
And watching everything I do.
I know I'm close to the truth.
I have all the pieces of the jigsaw.
I just need to slot them into place.
What if I'm wrong? ♪
What if I lied? ♪
What if I've dragged you here ♪
To my own dark night ♪
And what if I know ♪
What if I see ♪
There is a crack run right down ♪
The front of me ♪
I must look past the tears
and masks of grief.
Until now, I may have been
outmatched and outmaneuvered,
but the final gambit has yet to be played.
The killer will make a mistake,
and I'll be ready.
[low, ominous music playing]
[suspenseful chase music playing]
[mysterious music playing]
[blade rasps]
[electricity crackles]
[man] Still as sharp as ever,
my pig-tailed protégé.
Uncle Fester.
[fay, wondrous music playing]
[chortles]
[jauntily macabre music playing]
[Wednesday] How long
have you been stalking me?
[Fester] Just blew into town this morning
and was hit by a wave of nostalgia.
I thought you didn't go to Nevermore.
I didn't. Your dad got all the brains.
But I used to drop in on him.
Usually from the ceiling
with a dagger clutched between my teeth.
- Just to keep him on his toes.
- Of course.
He filled me in on what's been going on.
Monsters, murder, mayhem.
What fun!
I told him I had a job in Boston,
but I'd be checking up on you.
What kind of job?
The kind that means I need somewhere
to lay low for a couple days.
[whimsically eerie music playing]
This place belongs to a friend.
You've actually made a friend.
That poor kid
will be going home in a body bag.
Oh. [chuckles]
- I like a hideout that comes with snacks.
- Those bees are hibernating.
They're practically Eugene's children.
- Ooh. [chuckles]
- [buzzing]
That means do not eat them!
[Fester] You know,
when you give me
that death stare of disapproval,
you remind me of your mother.
Speaking of scary things,
you know what kind of monster
you're dealing with?
I haven't been able to identify it.
Ooh.
[chilling music playing]
It's called a Hyde.
As in Jekyll and Hyde?
Mm-hmm.
You've seen one before?
Oh yeah.
In '83, during my vacay at the Zurich
Institute for the Criminally Insane.
Where I got my first lobotomy.
But you know lobotomies.
They're like tattoos. Can't just get one.
Tell me about the Hyde.
Ah. Olga Malacova.
Jeez. She had it all.
Beauty, brains,
and a penchant for necrophilia.
[Fester chuckles, claps]
Olga was a concert pianist,
until one night she transformed
in the middle of a Chopin sonata.
Massacred a dozen audience members.
And three music critics.
What triggered her?
Or did she just change on her own?
No idea.
I only saw her
in group electroshock therapy.
There's never been any mention
of Hydes in any outcast book.
And Nevermore is reputed
for having the best collection.
You try Nathaniel Faulkner's diary?
Mmm!
Before he founded Nevermore,
Faulkner traveled the world,
cataloging every outcast community.
How do you know this?
You think your parents can't keep
their hands off each other now, oy vey.
I showed up unannounced one night
in Gomez's dorm room.
Let's just say
I wasn't interrupting a pillow fight.
- Uncle Fester.
- [restrained laughter]
- Yeah.
- The diary, where is it?
Nightshades Library.
Your dad parked me there and said
I should settle in for a long stretch.
And that's when I found
this nifty little safe.
I was hoping for a stash of cash or jewels
but instead I found a diary.
We'll sneak into
the Nightshades Library tonight.
In the meantime, lay low.
If you are discovered,
I will disown you and collect
the reward tied to your capture.
I'd expect nothing less.
- Leave the bees alone.
- [simpering chuckle]
[elegant classical guitar music playing]
[keys clacking]
[Wednesday] My novel started out
as a twisted fiction,
but somehow reality has turned it
into my own personal looking glass.
My visit to the Gates mansion
has left me with so many questions.
If Laurel Gates died 20 years ago,
then who's sleeping in her bedroom?
Why do they have photos of me?
And what is their connection to this Hyde?
Whoever it is, they're clearly willing
to kill for their secret.
Goody predicted this quest for answers
would become a lonely pursuit.
Of course, Goody's nowhere
to be found when I need her.
[door rattling]
The dead can be just as annoying
and unreliable as the living.
Hi.
Sorry, I figured you were
still at Mayor Walker's wake.
As soon as the dirt
hits the coffin, I'm out.
I can't seem to find
my bottle of silver moon nail polish.
- [music stops]
- Do you mind if I look around?
Yoko's hosting
a mani-pedi party for her crew.
This is the third time
in 24 hours you've forgotten something.
So,
how is everything going?
Solitude suits me.
With no annoying distractions,
I'm almost finished with my novel.
Was I an annoying distraction?
- You definitely had some annoying habits.
- Such as?
You giggle when you text,
which is a 24/7 addiction.
At least it's not a migraine-inducing
typewriter hammering into my head.
When not grinding your canines,
you growl in your sleep.
As opposed to late night cello solos?
You over-commit to activities,
then complain about them.
I'd take that over your obsession
with all things creepy.
You could gas an entire village
with the amount of perfume you spritz.
That's just off the top of my head.
Guess I'm lucky with the new bestie
that doesn't try to find ways
to endanger literally everybody
she comes into contact with.
In fact, Yoko and I are so in sync that
she's begging me to be her new roomie.
Permanently.
- Don't let me hold you back.
- Enjoy your solitude, Wednesday.
It's not solitude if you're still here.
[door slams]
[adventurous, sweeping music playing]
[snaps twice]
[gears clicking, clacking]
[chilling music playing]
Uncle Fester?
Who's Uncle Fester?
What are you doing here?
Since I'm an actual Nightshade,
I don't have to explain myself.
What's your excuse for creeping around
in the middle of the night?
Research.
On the monster?
I'll save you some time.
There's nothing in here
matching that thing.
Isn't that convenient?
You know what your problem is?
I would love to hear
your piercing insight.
You don't know who your real friends are.
I've been on your side since day one.
I literally saved your life.
I believed your theories
when nobody else did.
And what do I get in return?
Just nothing but suspicion and lies.
Fine. You want honesty? Here it is.
Every time the monster's attacked,
you've been right there.
Starting with Rowan
at the Harvest Festival.
[fireworks whistling]
- [screams]
- [snarls]
Then on Outreach Day,
you arrived just minutes
after the monster disappeared,
yet you say you didn't see it.
I didn't realize proximity was a crime.
Then there's your drawing obsession.
You have drawn the monster
dozens of times,
yet you've never seen it. Or so you claim.
You even drew where it lived.
Then when Eugene went to investigate,
you tried to kill him
so he wouldn't spill your secret.
You think I would hurt Eugene?
Let's not forget
your oh-so-convenient appearance
after Tyler had been attacked
at the Gates mansion.
If I am the monster,
then why haven't I killed you?
Because for some reason I cannot fathom
or indulge, you seem to like me.
What's to like?
[broody, chilling music playing]
[door closes]
[thud]
How long have you been lurking?
Long enough to feel
the tension between you two.
Yowza!
Seriously, you could cut it
with an executioner's axe.
[rapid scrabbling]
I'd recognize the patter
of those fingertips anywhere.
Hello, Thing.
[emphatic tap]
You can't still be mad
about the Kalamazoo job.
It wasn't my fault.
[Fester gurgles]
You said you could crack that safe
in 30 seconds.
Five minutes later, we were still there.
You're all thumbs.
[forcefully] Enough.
[cheeky music playing]
Let him go.
Show me the diary.
[wet squelch]
[electricity crackles]
[Fester] Here we are.
Iggy was Faulkner's right hand.
Trained a generation of Nightshades.
And behind Iggy Itt
Do I have time for a snooze,
or can you crack this quickly?
[insulted, determined music playing]
[knuckles crack]
[dial clicking rapidly]
[safe clatters]
[Fester] This is turning into
a replay of Kalamazoo.
- [resounding click]
- [snap]
These are some sweet digs.
How'd you swing your own single?
My former roommate
couldn't handle my toxic personality.
[Fester] Mmm.
Here it is.
[suspenseful music playing]
Faulkner describes Hydes
as artists by nature,
but equally vindictive in temperament.
Born of mutation, the Hyde lays dormant
until unleashed by a traumatic event
or unlocked through
chemical inducement or hypnosis.
This causes the Hyde to develop
an immediate bond with its liberator,
who the creature now sees as its master.
It becomes the willing instrument
of whatever nefarious agenda
this new master might propose.
[Fester] Anyone willing
to unlock a Hyde is a next-level sicko.
That means I'm not looking
for one killer but two.
The monster and its master.
[knocking at door]
[relieved sigh]
I didn't mean to startle you.
I was just working on my novel.
Enid has requested to room with Yoko
for the rest of the school year.
She did?
When there's a falling out,
I like to get both girls' perspectives
on what happened.
You two seemed as thick as thieves.
Ultimately, thieves turn on each other.
I've seen it with my own eyes.
Deflect all you want, but you and I
both know that you care about Enid.
And you have to admit she managed
to bring out a spark of warmth in you.
Oh, don't worry. Just a tiny spark.
Barely perceptible to the average eye,
but I noticed.
Part of the dorm experience is
making friends with people
that you wouldn't normally connect with.
And those friendships
often turn into lifelong bonds.
I would rather buy a rope.
Is it really so difficult for you
to admit that you made a friend,
and now that she's gone
you might actually miss her?
I'll survive alone.
I always have.
Well, if that's your decision,
I'll submit the forms to Principal Weems.
[door opens]
[exasperated sigh]
Uncle Fester?
[faint squeaking]
[deflated squeak]
[whimsically eerie music playing]
Uncle Fester?
[muffled giggle]
Hey! Being a solo lobo has its perks.
You get to live by your own rules,
do whatever you want.
Just look at me. [chortles]
[whimsically eerie music
continues, trails off]
[chilling music playing]
Hi. Um, I need to talk to you.
No, like like, right now.
Yeah, I know where that is.
Okay, I can meet you there
in, like, 20 minutes.
Okay. Bye.
Who're you talking to?
- It's none of your goddamn business.
- I know what you are, Xavier.
Can you stay the hell away from me?
Did you place the tracker?
Don't worry.
Uncle Fester's got you covered.
[lo-fi electronic beeping]
Okay. Let's hit the road.
What?
I picked it up on my way out of town.
You know me. I like to travel incognito.
[Fester chuckling]
[groovy, kooky music playing]
Come on, let's roll!
[music trails off]
[tense music playing]
[indistinct voice] Hey! What's so urgent?
What happened?
I had a dream where you died.
[scoffs] Get in the car.
[tower bell tolls]
Principal Weems, it is imperative
I speak with you about Dr. Kinbott.
Wednesday. We were just talking about you.
[Kinbott] Speak of the devil.
[foreboding music playing]
And she shall appear.
Dr. Kinbott was just
discussing your assessment.
I need to sign off on it
before she hands it in to the court.
Well, what's the verdict, Doctor?
Am I cured?
I'm glad you find it amusing.
The judge assigned to your case won't.
I've explained to Dr. Kinbott
that you've recently been taking
small but meaningful steps
towards embracing
your new Nevermore family.
Yes.
I think I've actually reached
the half-hug stage.
I've been reading about hypnotherapy.
It might be a good technique
to unlock my inner Wednesday.
Are you a devotee?
Yes, very much so.
I applaud your new willingness
to delve deep into yourself.
I'm seeing you on Monday.
We can start then.
What did you so urgently
need to discuss, Wednesday?
It can wait.
Now if you'll excuse me,
I have some homework to finish.
[door closes]
Kinbott has to be Xavier's master.
[Fester] Hmm.
The Hyde lays dormant
until unleashed by a traumatic event
or unlocked through
chemical inducement or hypnosis.
Mmm!
[Fester slurping]
Are you listening?
She must've figured out he's a Hyde
and used hypnotherapy to unlock him.
That would explain their secret sessions.
I think the kid behind the counter
has clocked me.
Yeah. He's walking over.
I'm gonna put him
in a Romanian sleeper hold.
- Cover me.
- Relax.
He's not interested in you.
Uh, made you a quad. On the house.
Hey, thanks kid. [chuckles]
Need a refill on this puppy too.
- Uh
- Tyler.
This is my Uncle Fester.
Oh. Uh
- Hi, it's nice to
- [zaps]
- [yelps]
- [Fester snickering]
Is that?
It's called a Hyde.
[Tyler] Whoa, that's it. From that night.
Your father gave you
explicit instructions not to be near me.
Yeah, my dad's not here,
and I'm on a break.
Well, apparently a Hyde needs to be
unlocked by someone. Its master.
Holy shit.
[Galpin] Tyler.
What'd I say?
[Tyler] Uh
For the record,
Wednesday was trying to keep her distance.
I was the one that sat down with her.
All right.
Putting these up around town.
It's a bank robbery suspect,
and he's a real creep.
- You haven't seen him, have you?
- No.
Yeah, he'd be pretty hard to miss.
[snickers]
I'll pin it on the bulletin board.
Ah, why waste my breath?
Thank you. But you didn't have to do that.
Yeah, your family's very colorful.
Ironic considering Fester's
the black sheep.
He's harmless.
So, about rescheduling our date
Between the monster and my uncle
Hey, no excuses.
Figure after what happened
last time, you owe me.
I can't sneak off of campus.
All eyes are on me.
You won't have to.
I'll come to you.
9:00 p.m., Crackstone's Crypt.
[thunder rumbling]
[insistent tapping]
I don't miss her.
Friends are a liability
and can be exploited.
That makes them weaknesses.
Your job is to guard
that diary while I'm gone.
I'll be back as soon as I can.
It's not a date.
It's a quid pro quo
for almost getting him disemboweled.
Watch that diary!
Last time somebody threw a surprise
for me here, it did not go as planned.
I guarantee this one
won't make you pass out cold.
But you do have to close your eyes.
Are you serious?
Unfortunately.
I'm only doing this because I owe you.
Okay. Watch your step.
Wait here. Close your eyes.
Okay.
Easy. Right here.
One second.
[door slam echoes]
Okay, you can open your eyes now.
[delicate, wondrous music playing]
What? No one's ever taken you
on a picnic inside a crypt before?
How do you feel about scary movies?
Prepare to be horrified.
- ["Perfect Day" by Hoku playing]
- Sun's up, it's a little after 12:00 ♪
Make breakfast for myself ♪
Leave the work for someone else ♪
People say ♪
They say that it's just a phase ♪
They tell me to act my age ♪
Well, I am ♪
On this perfect day ♪
[song trails off]
[indistinct police radio chatter]
That is definitely our suspect's bike.
Looks as weird as he does.
All right, he couldn't have got too far
on foot. So, you guys spread out.
I'm going to check down by the lake.
[bird trilling]
[Wednesday] That was torture.
Thank you.
[wry chuckle]
Okay, don't hate me.
I'm just gonna come out and say it.
I want us to be more than friends.
[tender, emotional music playing]
You'll snap out of it.
Don't do that.
Discount my feelings.
I'm not friend material,
let alone more-than-friend material.
I will ignore you, stomp on your heart,
and always put my needs
and interests first.
Yeah, you can keep trying to push me away.
It's not going to work.
I almost killed you.
I survived.
- Beginner's luck.
- I'm tougher than you think.
You're making a mistake.
Probably.
Definitely.
- [door opens]
- [gun cocks]
What the hell?
Tyler.
Dad? What are you doing here?
The school groundskeeper
found a motorbike by the lake.
It matches the description
of the one the bank robber stole.
There's a canoe missing.
Figured he might be on Raven Island.
I'm not going to ask what this is,
but I never saw the two of you here.
You got it?
Unbelievable. Come on.
[low, unnerving music playing]
The diary
Thing?
[splattering]
[jarring stinger]
Thing
[dramatic music playing]
Fester? Fester, help!
Help! Help! Thing's not moving.
- He was stabbed!
- Get him on the table!
[sparking]
[electricity sparks]
Oh, come on, Thing.
[tense, distraught music playing]
He's gone, Wednesday.
No, he's not. Thing.
If you can hear me
if you die, I will kill you.
Go again.
Now! Again, please!
[shuddering gasp]
For a minute, we thought
you'd picked your last lock, buddy.
Who did this to you?
Knife from behind the back. Cowards.
I promise that whoever did this to you
will suffer.
And it will be slow,
long,
and excruciatingly painful.
I'll stitch him back up.
They found your motorbike, so
the sheriff won't be far. You need to go.
Maybe next time
steal something a little less conspicuous.
Where's the fun in that?
[exhales]
All right. I'll lay low here tonight,
keep an eye on the patient,
and I'll skedaddle in the morning.
I guess I'll see you at your arraignment
or the next family reunion.
You'll always be my favorite, Wednesday.
Be sure to tell Pugsley that.
It'll give him a complex.
I'm guessing it's not
some kind of random prank.
Whoever ransacked my room
also stole Nathaniel Faulkner's diary.
That's supposed to be safely locked
in the Nightshades Library.
So you do know about that diary,
which means you also know
the monster we're after is called a Hyde.
[fire crackling]
Thank you, Ms. Thornhill.
I'll take it from here.
Of course. If you need anything,
I'll be right down the hall.
[door closes]
Faulkner spent years studying Hydes.
He wanted to determine
if they were just mindless killers
or conscious of their actions.
What was his conclusion?
He was killed by a Hyde
before he could reach one.
Others tried to carry on his research,
but the Hydes were
too unpredictable and violent.
They were officially banned
from Nevermore 30 years ago.
All of this time,
you've known the monster was a Hyde.
Why didn't you tell the sheriff?
Because then Nevermore is done.
Over. Shut for good.
And that's not happening on my watch.
But I'm not the only one withholding.
If you suspect someone,
you need to tell me.
Why?
All you've ever done
is gaslight and obstruct me.
You don't care how many people die,
as long as your reputation is safe.
I am protecting our Nevermore family,
which also includes you, Ms. Addams.
[low, foreboding music playing]
[music builds, fades away]
[students chattering indistinctly]
Come with me.
I have information
about Mayor Walker's murder.
Printed these off my dad's computer.
Seems he was trying to track down someone.
Laurel Gates? Looks like
he started right after Outreach Day.
Must have recognized her there.
According to British police,
Laurel was presumed drowned,
but no body was ever recovered.
The Gates mansion was purchased
a year ago by a 90-year-old candy heiress.
She then mysteriously died and gave
all of her belongings to her caregiver,
Teresa L. Glau.
It's an anagram for Laurel Gates.
Laurel secretly buys her old house
and then comes back
to Jericho as someone else.
Why?
Revenge on all the people she blames
for her family's misfortunes. Your father.
The coroner.
My parents.
Most of all, Nevermore.
How does the monster fit into all of this?
The monster is a Hyde.
It's doing Laurel's bidding.
She controls it.
You know who Laurel is, don't you?
[disconcerting music playing]
Wednesday, we don't have
an appointment scheduled today.
I wanted to return something.
[Kinbott] Uh
I found it in your old childhood room.
[music box playing delicate tune]
I know you're Laurel Gates, and you've
come back to Jericho to seek your revenge.
And so did Mayor Walker,
which is why you had to kill him.
Who better to slide in and out
of the hospital undetected
than a psychiatrist under the guise
of visiting another patient?
[low, distorted audio]
You're not actually accusing me
of murdering the mayor?
The roses you left
in Eugene's room were your mistake.
They're the same variety
I found near your childhood bed.
I honestly have no idea
what you're talking about.
There's only one reason an overqualified
psychiatrist like yourself
would settle in the inconsequential
backwater that is Jericho.
It allowed you to crawl through
the troubled, young minds of outcasts
until you found one that you can
manipulate to exact your revenge.
You know what?
I don't have time
to deal with your delusional fantasies.
I have a patient emergency.
Who? Xavier?
I know all about the secret sessions
you've been holding in your car.
I also found the cave where you've been
holding sessions to unlock his Hyde.
You are so out of line.
Do you know
how violently unpredictable a Hyde can be?
It was your plan to have Xavier committed
before he could turn on you too.
Wednesday, you need help.
More help than I can give you.
Who you calling? Xavier?
Judge Reynolds.
I'm going to recommend you stay
in a juvenile psychiatric facility.
Oh, please. You and I both know
I'd be running that place in a week.
Time's up, Laurel.
[tense music playing]
Principal Weems, it's Valerie Kinbott.
Wednesday Addams
just barged into my office.
I wasn't aware
that Wednesday had a session today.
She didn't, and her behavior
was completely irrational.
[glass shattering]
- [thumping, thrashing]
- Dr. Kinbott?
[thumping continues]
Dr. Kinbott?
- [snarls]
- [scream echoing]
She's gone.
Dr. Kinbott's dead.
This ends now.
[dark, determined music playing]
[Xavier scoffs]
You know what?
You need to stay out of my space.
You need to take your own advice.
You left that in my room.
Actually, you left it in Thing.
How long have you been seeing Kinbott?
Have you?
What am I saying? Of course you have.
You've been spying on me, right?
'Cause I'm the villain in your fantasy.
My father thinks that my mental health
is a PR problem that he needs to manage.
He wanted to keep
his troubled son out of the tabloids.
I wasn't in your room.
Believe me or don't believe me,
I don't care.
Your painting's been improving.
I enjoy this one in particular.
Feels like you really lived it.
- What do you want?
- I'm asking the questions.
What is Rowan's inhaler
doing in your shed?
Or Eugene's glasses?
Whoa, whoa.
Or these stalker images you took of me?
- No. I
- Don't forget your latest addition.
Kinbott's necklace.
- Somebody planted that stuff!
- Freeze!
Drop the knife. Down on your knees.
Cuff him.
- You have the right to remain silent.
- What?
Anything you say can and will be
used against you in court.
You have the right to an attorney.
If you cannot afford an attorney
one will be appointed.
Appreciate the help, Addams.
You! You framed me!
I'm being set up.
I shoulda let Rowan kill you.
[indistinct police radio chatter]
[delicate, suspicious music playing]
[car door slams]
Hey.
You're back.
I'm gone for a few days,
the place gets trashed,
and Thing almost dies.
Someone's gotta look out for you two.
What happened to rooming with Yoko?
Yoko's great. I just decided
I needed a few more boundaries.
Skip the tape.
Don't tell me Wednesday Addams
is mellowing out.
Never.
More like evolving.
Well, one inch of duct tape at a time.
[poignant music playing]
Why the sudden change of heart?
Because we work.
We shouldn't, but we do.
It's like some sort of weird,
friendship anomaly.
Everything you said about me is true.
But I don't apologize for it.
Not anymore.
It's just who I am.
Thing said he missed you.
I missed him too.
I'm sorry about Xavier.
I'm not. He's a liar and a killer.
Besides there's nothing quite like
the feeling of being proven right.
Except maybe someone to share it with.
Thing may have blabbed
about your date with Tyler.
So how'd it go?
It was interrupted.
Well, I heard
Tyler's working the late shift
[Tyler] We're closed.
Then you should lock your doors.
There's some real sick people out there.
Yeah, my dad told me
what happened with Xavier.
Pretty nuts.
That guy always seemed so normal.
You know, for an outcast.
Well, you know,
it has made me re-evaluate things.
Like what?
Like who I can trust.
That mean you're ready
to be more than friends?
[tender, emotional music playing]
[Tyler chuckles]
- [eerie whooshing]
- Whoa, hey!
[savage snarling]
[clang]
- [claw slicing]
- [guttural growling]
[heavy panting]
You okay?
I need to go.
What?
Wh What's wrong?
Wednesday!
[Wednesday] Of course the first boy I kiss
would turn out to be a psychotic,
serial-killing monster.
I guess I have a type.
[dramatic music playing]
[jauntily macabre outro music playing]