Welcome to Wrexham (2022) s01e07 Episode Script
Wide World of Wales
1
[stately music]
RYAN:
Spanning Wales to bring you
a constant variety
of Welsh things
[sheep bleats]
ROB: The thrill of victory.
RYAN: The agony of defeat.
ROB: Welcome
to The Wide World of Wales.
RYAN: Brought to you
by Aviation Gin, obviously
ROB: TikTok, where you can
follow any number
of middle-aged
Welsh football team owners.
RYAN: Ifor Williams
[horse neighs]
The best [bleep] damn
horse trailers you can get.
ROB: And Expedia,
where you can explore
the world
and also book a vacation
to Wales.
You probably want to fly
into Manchester or Liverpool.
Once you're there,
it's a quick a drive.
Possibly 30 to 40 minutes
depending
RYAN: Rob, they know
how to plan a trip.
ROB: Sorry.
[fireworks whistling,
exploding]
Welcome to Wrexham.
Or, more specifically, Wales.
You might be
a little confused right now.
Not just by Rob's decision
to look like a stand-in
in a Guy Ritchie movie,
but because
the last few episodes,
you've been watching
a documentary
about an underdog football team
from Wales
and two Hollywood movie stars.
Uh, I'm more of a TV star.
Oh! Aww.
Anyway
TV's, like, way cooler
than movies.
You know that, right?
- Yeah, it is.
I mean, where have you been
for, like, the last ten years?
You've been making movies.
- Making movies.
Anyway, we left off
with Ryan and I headed
to Wrexham for the first time,
and even though
you might have gotten
a small sense
of this amazing place,
we thought it only appropriate
to do a little deeper dive
on Wales.
You know, my daughters,
they love whales
really any of God's
little underwater creatures.
ROB: The country.
Wales the country.
That's what we're here
talking about.
Um
We suspect a lot of people
out there don't really know
what Wales exactly is.
My partner certainly doesn't.
And I didn't before last year,
and we bought
a football team there.
[chuckles]
Holy [bleep].
So tonight we're going
to immerse ourselves in Wales
the country
and what makes it different
from England,
which is also a country.
Mm-hmm.
ROB: Wales and its identity,
its traditions, and why it is
the ultimate underdog story.
That's right,
it's a very special episode
involving learning.
But don't worry.
You won't learn much.
And I suspect you'll retain
almost none of it.
First up tonight,
we welcome John Green,
author of
Turtles All the Way Down
and The Fault in Our Stars.
John, how about
a crash course in Wales?
Hello, and welcome
to Crash Course.
Today we're learning
about Wales,
a land of majesty, dampness,
and epic place names.
[cheerful music]
Let's begin with the first fact
Welsh people want you to know.
Wales is not England.
That's England,
that's Scotland,
and this is Wales.
Now, the political situation
here is exceptionally complex.
Wales is a country and has
its own language, Welsh,
and its own parliament,
the Senedd.
But at the same time,
Wales is part
of a sovereign nation
called the United Kingdom.
So, like, when competing
in the World Cup,
Welsh athletes compete
for Wales.
But in the Olympics,
Welsh athletes may compete
for Great Britain.
And to understand
this strange situation,
we're gonna need some history.
As early as 1,000 B.C.E.,
the Celts were living
in what we now call Wales.
Centuries later, the Romans
took over the region
before leaving
in the early fifth century,
and by the sixth,
the country was a patchwork
of independent tribes
and kingdoms.
But around that time, touchstones
of what would become
a unified Welsh culture
were starting to emerge.
Then in the eighth century,
an English king built
a man-made earthwork,
which is like
a fancy archeological term
for piles of soil and rock,
along what was becoming
the border between Wales
and England.
But the English kept
peering over
that tall, earthy fence
by which I mean invading.
Wales resisted
these invasions,
most famously
under the leadership
of Llywelyn ap Gruffudd,
who was known
as Llywelyn the Last
for a reason.
Following the English
King Edward I's war
beginning in 1282,
Wales lost its independence.
But it's one thing
to control some land.
It's another
to control people,
and over the centuries,
English kings and wards built
hundreds of castles in Wales
which served both as, like,
medieval Airbnbs
and as symbols of England's
power over the locals.
In fact, to this day,
Wales has more castles
per square mile
than anywhere else in Europe.
Eventually, in 1400,
self-declared Prince of Wales
Owain Glyndwr
led a nationwide mutiny
against Henry IV's England.
That rebellion
ultimately failed, though.
And a few English Henrys later,
Henry VIII's parliament
formally united
Wales and England
into a single political system.
All right, let's flash forward
to the 19th century
when tolls were imposed
on privately-owned roads
at the expense
of Welsh workers.
Riots ensued,
most famously
the Rebecca riots,
named after a line
from Genesis
where Rebecca is promised
that her descendants will
"possess the gates
of those who hate them,"
which is pretty metal.
But not as metal as Wales.
Please, God,
forgive me for that pun.
Its mineral-rich landscape
was mined and exported
to fuel
the Industrial Revolution
which led to a major
19th-century transformation
in Wales
from an agricultural economy
to an industrial one.
And as that happened,
popular protests
for workers' rights persisted.
In other words,
the people did eventually take
possession of the gates.
And those people,
many of them were
speaking Welsh.
Today, Wales remains
a part of the United Kingdom,
and so like Scotland
and Northern Ireland,
it lacks some characteristics
of a truly independent
nation-state.
But Wales endures,
as do celebrations
of Welshness
such as Saint David's Day,
a holiday where you attend
festivals, play music,
and pin a leek to your lapel.
Because, I don't know,
traditions are weird
and beautiful
everywhere you go.
And of course there are
Welsh sports.
Welsh football has revived
the protest song "Yma o Hyd"
that celebrates the endurance
of the underdog.
And all of these
historical developments led
to the most important event
in the history of Wales,
which was, of course,
when the fifth-tier
football club in Wrexham
was purchased by Ryan Reynolds
and his friend who works out
all the time
but still isn't as hot
as Ryan Reynolds.
Thanks for watching
Crash Course.
Back to you, Rob and Ryan.
Mm. Good God, I love history.
What's that?
Where did you get that?
- What?
- The glasses and the
This is a lunch menu
and these are fake.
[light music]
I want something
for my hands.
You know, I believe
Wales may be older
than It's Always Sunny
in Philadelphia, Rob.
Oh, or your self-aware
winking to the camera, Ryan.
Good God, I love self-aware
winking to the camera.
Next up, our good friend
Maxine Hughes helps us
cook up something special.
[Celtic folk music]
[sheep bleats]
Croeso nol, welcome back
to Welsh or Else,
where we highlight
the best of Welsh cooking.
Today, we're joined
by the cochairmen
of the North Walian
football club
the Wrexham Red Dragons,
Hollywood stars Ryan Reynolds
and Rob McElhenney.
[Ryan chuckles]
How come I have to wear
the apron
and you're not wearing one?
- 'Cause you do
what you're [bleep] told,
that's why.
Hey, boys?
I'm gonna take off the apron.
Well, I am so excited
to share some Welsh cooking
with everyone.
You guys ready?
- Ready.
- Yeah.
- Excited.
Now, Maxine, you're not
just an amazing
Welsh translator.
You're actually
you're a journalist.
I'm a journalist, yeah.
I live in D.C.
I've lived there
for a few years.
I mostly do
political journalism,
so it's a little bit different
than dealing with you guys.
What does "DC" stand for?
ROB: Hmm.
- I'm more of a Marvel guy.
MAXINE: Oh, I know. I know.
Now how many
Welsh speakers
are there in the world
right now?
So I'd say
there's around a million,
which is a really good number
because we're
a very small country,
about 3.8 million of us.
So it's-it's getting there.
And so today you're
you're gonna teach us
a little Welsh cooking
with a side order
of Welsh language.
So I thought we'd start
by cooking
one of my favorite dishes.
It's a very traditional dish
called lamb cawl.
Can you guys say cawl?
BOTH: Cawl.
- Cawl.
It means stew in Welsh.
So there's a lot of lambs
in Wales, though,
if I'm not mistaken, right?
That's, uha common
- Yeah. Very common.
- Animal.
Yeah, lamb farming
is-is a big deal in Wales.
Hey, let's take a look.
[chipper music]
[sheep bleats]
[whistles]
[sheep bleating]
[sheep bleats]
[John grunts]
[sheep bleating]
[sheep bleats]
Poor little Rob.
No, that's Ryan.
- That's Rob.
- It's definitely Ryan.
I mean,
it's a beautiful piece of lamb.
RYAN: Mm.
- It's probably Rob.
So there's this other dish
called Welsh Cakes.
- Let's do that.
- Let's make the Welsh Cakes.
- Welsh Cakes?
- Yeah.
Okay.
[beep]
Okay, so these are Welsh Cakes.
RYAN: Okay.
In Welsh, we call them
picau ar y maen.
- Picara-mine?
- Picar-mine.
Ar y maen.
ROB: Ara-mine.
RYAN: Ar-mine.
MAXINE: Ar y maen.
They're very popular in Wales.
We eat them
on Saint David's Day,
but we-we eat them
all year round really.
They're like a
they're kind of like a cross
between a pancake
and a scone and
you ready to make them?
RYAN: Let's do it, yeah.
Learn how to make them?
Okay, great.
We're gonna learn a bit
of Welsh now, okay, guys?
RYAN: Sure.
ROB: Okay.
MAXINE: So take your flour,
your blawd.
We're gonna put the flour
into the bowl.
RYAN: Okay.
Sugar. Siwgr nesaf.
Sugar.
MAXINE: Sugar next.
All right.
[speaking in Welsh]
A little bit of sbeis.
- Sbeis.
MAXINE:
A little bit of spice, okay?
And then we're gonna put
the fruit that you got
the currants, the raisins
RYAN: Yeah.
MAXINE: All right,
we're gonna put the menyn,
the butter
and the lard in next.
So I'm gonna use my fork
fforch.
BOTH: Fforch?
MAXINE: Fforch.
- Fforch?
- It's a Disney show.
- We'll bleep it out.
- Rob, there's an "R."
There's an "R" in it.
ROB: It's a Disney show.
Fforch.
RYAN: Fforch.
- [rolls R]
- Get the fforch in there.
Getall right.
MAXINE: All right, let's get
the menyn in the bowl then.
You can use your spoon. Llwy.
Can you say llwy?
ROB: Llwy.
How do you speak without
I feel like I just spit
all over the
Iyou know what?
Let's just put your hands
get your hands in there.
Start mixing.
Cymysgu. Can you say cymysgu?
BOTH: Cymysgu.
It looks very dry to me.
MAXINE:
Ew, yours looks horrible.
ROB: Yeah.
MAXINE: Let's see yours.
What happened to yours?
ROB: What?
RYAN: How do you say
"the butter is not soft"
in Welsh?
[speaking Welsh]
ROB: [speaking gibberish]
RYAN: Great.
MAXINE: So we're gonna need
to roll this out now.
All right, justyou don't need
to makego too-too flat.
Okay, take your
take your cutter.
It's a circle. Cylch.
BOTH: Cylch.
MAXINE: Let's make
a little-little circle.
We're gonna cook them.
Coginio. Cook.
Let's put them on. Ooh.
RYAN: Nice.
MAXINE: There's a little sizzle
going on.
ROB: Nice.
MAXINE: Okay.
RYAN: Looks like a Welsh Cake
to me.
MAXINE: Looks likewell,
it smells like a Welsh Cake.
[singing] This bed is on fire
with passionate love
Time to flip them.
How do you say
Welsh cakes again?
Picau ar y maen.
Great.
- That's a mouthful.
W-what would it sound like
if you said it in a sentence?
Um, let me think
of something.
Okay, um
ROB: That's beautiful.
Sounds likeit's like poetry.
Oh, yeah.
BOTH: Yeah.
MAXINE:
You think they're ready?
[speaking Welsh]
- They look pretty good.
- Barod i fwyta?
- Barod.
- Ready to eat?
- Take them off?
- Yeah.
- Let's have a look.
All right,
they look pretty good.
This one's yours, Ryan.
Justlet's keep
Rob's separate.
I'm gonna put siwgr
siwgr on the top.
Siwgr.
MAXINE: Yeah.
How do you say "terrible"
in Welsh?
Ofnadwy.
- Ofnadwy.
- How do you say "idiot"
in Welsh?
- Eh, twmffat.
BOTH: Twmffat.
- I'm gonna try one of these.
And how do you say
both terriblelet's say,
what would "terrible"
and "idiot" sound like
in a sentence together?
Um, okay, a sentence. Um
You're having
a mid-life crisis?
You play hockey?
[Celtic folk music]
ROB: This is Sports Center.
[dramatic music]
RYAN:
Tonight on Sports Center,
can the Wrexham Red Dragons
shake off their losing streak?
ROB: We look at a few pictures
when Ryan and I played sports
and make smart remarks
about them.
RYAN: And we count down
the top plays
of the year so far.
Welcome to the big show, everybody.
I'm Rob McElhenney,
currently fulfilling
a boyhood dream
of calling an episode
of Sports Center.
And I'm Ryan Reynolds,
fulfilling a boyhood dream
of wearing a suit to work
and sitting at a desk.
This is still Sports Center.
Welcome to
BOTH: Sports Center.
- Yeah.
Since our takeover
and infusion of talent,
the Red Dragons have,
quite frankly, struggled.
Yeah, we sit in seventh place,
losing to teams that we should
be winning against.
This isn't really going
exactly the way we
No, we're financially
bleeding to death
- Yeah.
- From self-inflicted stupidity
and an unsound business plan.
- Yeah.
And for those of you
who are not
in the world of sports,
uh, you're supposed to win.
It's helpful.
ROB: We sit in seventh place,
while Stockport seems like
the team to beat
in the national league.
Let's take a look at Wrexham's
first match against Stockport.
RYAN: We go to Edgeley Park
where the place is hoppin'
and also the players.
ROB: In the first minute,
Stockport County have
a throw-in
which results
in a decent chance on goal
but is easily saved
by Rob Lainton
who then boots it upfield
to a sprinting Paul Mullin
who does exactly
what Paul Mullin does
put one in the back
of the net.
RYAN: The Wrexham fans
who traveled to see the game
are super excited
and I'm sure 100% sober.
ROB: 23 minutes later,
McAlinden feeds
an amazing ball to Mullin
who switches feet
for a great chance on goal.
RYAN: Up 1-0 at the half.
God, we look great.
Got this one in the bag,
right, Rob?
ROB: Wrong!
Because we [bleep] lose
this one, Ryan.
Yeah, the guy goes
to the corner, he throws it,
and then this [bleep] guy
RYAN: Oh, got it.
ROB: hits it in with his head.
They score.
RYAN: [bleep] that guy.
ROB: So, yeah, this is
this is great.
RYAN: Yep. Yep. It's great.
Great like a mule kick
to the testicles.
Also, spoiler alert, I guess
ROB: I-I don't care.
I don't care.
Because I'm the anchor
and I can do
whatever I want.
And then with ten minutes
left to go,
this [bleep] guy
comes up the left side.
He kicks over to this guy
on the right.
RYAN: Oh, this is the worst!
Oh, you're [bleep] kidding me.
ROB: Shoots and carries off,
like, five of our guys
and they [bleep] kick it in.
RYAN: Oh, it hurts so bad.
ROB: And then the game's over
'cause they win. Yep.
RYAN: Goal.
ROB: We just keep on losing.
RYAN:
So [bleep] good at losing.
God, we're the best.
But just because the Dragons
aren't playing
up to their full potential
quite yet doesn't mean
there haven't been
some fantastic plays.
Indeed.
It's been a team effort.
And we've compiled our list
of top ten plays
of the year so far.
Number ten, Mr. Paul Mullin
lifts one up
from the top of the box.
Man, he makes it look easy.
RYAN: Number nine,
Cam Green with a nifty
left-footed treat.
ROB: Number eight,
Dior Angus
with the quick reflexes.
Nice job, Dior.
RYAN: Number seven,
Paul Mullin blasts one home
from the penalty box.
ROB: He's taking his ball
and going home.
Number six,
David Jones,
from a million miles away,
blasts a screamer
past the goalie.
RYAN: Number five,
Paul Mullin using that head.
[cheering]
ROB: Speaking of heads,
Jordan Davies' head was
in the right place
at the right time
and he used it as well.
RYAN: In at number three,
Paul Mullin bends
like a Spice Girl's husband
and then does
a little trash-talking.
ROB: Number two,
just in case you thought
it was the Glory Boys
that get the glory,
Rob Lainton makes
the save of the season.
Then he has a couple
of choice words
for his opponent.
It's a family show, Rob.
And number one,
Paul Mullin once again
using that head.
[cheers and applause]
You know, so often,
Sports Center focuses
on professional sports.
But a lot of us stop
playing sports competitively
much younger.
So with the help of Rob's dad,
I've unearthed some footage
of Rob playing sports
when he was just a child.
I think you can see
where this is going, Rob.
- Abject humiliation.
- Absolutely.
Let's go to Philadelphia
in the 1990s.
Okay, Rob's the little one
in case you didn't know.
ROB: Okay, can we just
address this right now?
I am not small.
It's just that you're
abnormally large,
and I'm constantly standing
next to you in this show.
RYAN:
Well, what about Humphrey?
ROB:
Humphrey? Humphrey is a giant.
You can't compare me
to Humphrey.
He'sokay, you know what?
I look normal on the show.
You guys are
the ones that look
like oversized goons.
Look at some of my other shows
where I'm standing
next to normal-sized people.
[bright music]
You see? So it's all relative.
But enough about me, Ryan.
Let's talk about you
and your past.
Because I spoke with your mom.
And I actually unearthed
some photos
of your old playing days.
And I thought we would all
enjoy them together.
Oh. Thank you, Mom.
Let's take a look.
And here is you playing goalie
in what looks like
the worst soccer field
I have ever seen.
RYAN: It wasn't so bad.
It was 80% gravel
and 20% broken glass,
which made you appreciate
the gravel.
ROB: Who's taking
that picture, Ryan?
RYAN: My dad, actually.
If you zoom in,
you could see me looking
for his approval.
Uh, still looking for it.
ROB: That one is so sad
I'm just gonna let it go.
Tomorrow night,
a hard-hitting 30 for 30
investigating whatever happened
to the Wrexham Robin,
beloved mascot for decades
until it mysteriously
disappeared in 2013
only to be replaced
by a much more dynamic,
focus-group friendly dragon.
I heard kids love dragons.
You gotta love that merch.
Good night, everyone.
Yeah, uh, ohno, there's
a whole other segment.
What?
There's a whole
other segment, so
Can you handle it?
ROB: No!
I can't do it alone
it's a two-person gig.
RYAN: Oh, God, the whining.
You belong
in Bristol, Connecticut.
[big band music]
[cheers and applause]
Oh, lovely.
Wow.
Welcome to Wales Late Night,
the only late-night talk show
that counts sheep
as an important part
of their demographic.
- That was terrible.
- Horrible.
Tonight we are going
to welcome
a very special Welsh guest,
but first we're going
to walk over while music plays
because I believe that's how
these things are done.
RYAN: Yes, let's walk over.
[cheers and applause]
Oh?
- Uh
Who gets the chair?
We didn't, um
Probably should have
talked about this before we
- Yeah.
- Walked out
'cause the people are waiting
You want to Welsh
Rochambeau for it?
What's a Welsh Rochambeau?
[laughs]
"What's a Welsh Rochambeau?"
What an idiot.
[big band music]
I see you've heard
of Welsh Rochambeau.
Well, I feel
more well-informed.
Ryan, how about you?
I feel like I have
a black belt in Wales, Rob.
No show about Wales
would be complete
without some singing.
Wales is known
as the land of song.
To close our show,
please welcome
Welsh legend Charlotte Church.
[cheers and applause]
CHARLOTTE: Hello.
RYAN: Hello.
How are you doing?
How are you? Come on.
Good to see you.
Hey. Hi, Rob. How are you?
- All right, how are you?
- Ah, marvelous.
RYAN: Welcome
to Welcome to Wrexham.
- Thank you.
- [sighs] That's fun to say.
Welcome
to Welcome to Wrexham.
That's what I'm supposed to say
'cause I'm the host.
Sorry, yeah, I'm the
I'm the Ed McMahon here.
Yeah.
- Thank you for flying in
for this.
We arewe're so grateful.
Oh, my gosh.
It is such a pleasure.
What part of Wales
are you from?
I'm from Cardiff.
I'm from South Wales.
When was the first time
you remember
where you're like,
"I-I can sing.
But not just sing.
Like, I can sing"
- [giggles]
- "For real."
[sighs]
It was when I was about three.
And I'd come home from nursery
and I would know
every word to every song
on the radio.
I think when I realized was
when I started getting
attention for it, I suppose.
- Uh-huh.
- When I was about
ROB: Ryan doesn't know
anything about that.
CHARLOTTE: [laughs]
No, no,
I don't know anything
well, my children only sing
"Baby Shark."
And it'sthe attention is
pure negativity.
Like, it's justI-Iyeah.
It's terrible.
My wife Blake did a movie
where she's
called The Shallows
where she's being attacked
by a shark.
- Oh, gosh.
I was just like,
"Yeah, you really like
"'Baby Shark'?
How do you like that?"
CHARLOTTE: Oh, no!
[dramatic music]
[gasps]
[grunts]
Oh, no, you didn't!
No, you didn't.
Maybe
no, I wouldn't do that.
[mouthing words]
[squeals]
You got three little girls,
do you?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Aww, lush.
I've got two big ones,
13 and 14,
and a little one.
- Whoa!
Would you do us the honor
of singing us a song?
I would absolutely love
to sing for you guys.
And I want to sing
for you guys as a thank you
on behalf of everybody
in Wales, so
We are having
the time of our lives.
Truly.
ROB: We're having
it's been incredible,
and for as much fun
as we've been having
and we've been laughing
and doing all sorts
of these kinds of things,
and it's just, like,
super fun
but the warmth that we've felt
and the embrace that we've felt
from the entire nation,
let alone the town of Wrexham,
has just been overwhelming.
Yeah.
RYAN: It seems to me
that everyone from Wrexham,
and particularly
everyone from Wales,
is an ambassador of Wales.
Yeah, totally.
Like, there's a pride
that is unshakeable.
Yeah, totally.
RYAN: And I think
it's really wonderful.
Charlotte, so what will you
be singing today?
CHARLOTTE:
Today I'm gonna sing for you
a Welsh classic,
"Men of Harlech,"
which I believe
is very popular at
Huge.
CHARLOTTE:
Wrexham Football Club.
So here we go.
- Yes.
- "Men of Harlech."
[cheers and applause]
[singing in Welsh]
[singing]
From the rocks rebounding
Let the war cry sounding
Summon all at Cambria's call
The haughty foe surrounding
Men of Harlech, on to glory
See your banner famed in story
Wave these burning words
before ye
Cymru fo am byth
[cheers and applause]
[sighs]
[singing in Welsh]
[cheers and applause]
[upbeat marching band music]
[stately music]
RYAN:
Spanning Wales to bring you
a constant variety
of Welsh things
[sheep bleats]
ROB: The thrill of victory.
RYAN: The agony of defeat.
ROB: Welcome
to The Wide World of Wales.
RYAN: Brought to you
by Aviation Gin, obviously
ROB: TikTok, where you can
follow any number
of middle-aged
Welsh football team owners.
RYAN: Ifor Williams
[horse neighs]
The best [bleep] damn
horse trailers you can get.
ROB: And Expedia,
where you can explore
the world
and also book a vacation
to Wales.
You probably want to fly
into Manchester or Liverpool.
Once you're there,
it's a quick a drive.
Possibly 30 to 40 minutes
depending
RYAN: Rob, they know
how to plan a trip.
ROB: Sorry.
[fireworks whistling,
exploding]
Welcome to Wrexham.
Or, more specifically, Wales.
You might be
a little confused right now.
Not just by Rob's decision
to look like a stand-in
in a Guy Ritchie movie,
but because
the last few episodes,
you've been watching
a documentary
about an underdog football team
from Wales
and two Hollywood movie stars.
Uh, I'm more of a TV star.
Oh! Aww.
Anyway
TV's, like, way cooler
than movies.
You know that, right?
- Yeah, it is.
I mean, where have you been
for, like, the last ten years?
You've been making movies.
- Making movies.
Anyway, we left off
with Ryan and I headed
to Wrexham for the first time,
and even though
you might have gotten
a small sense
of this amazing place,
we thought it only appropriate
to do a little deeper dive
on Wales.
You know, my daughters,
they love whales
really any of God's
little underwater creatures.
ROB: The country.
Wales the country.
That's what we're here
talking about.
Um
We suspect a lot of people
out there don't really know
what Wales exactly is.
My partner certainly doesn't.
And I didn't before last year,
and we bought
a football team there.
[chuckles]
Holy [bleep].
So tonight we're going
to immerse ourselves in Wales
the country
and what makes it different
from England,
which is also a country.
Mm-hmm.
ROB: Wales and its identity,
its traditions, and why it is
the ultimate underdog story.
That's right,
it's a very special episode
involving learning.
But don't worry.
You won't learn much.
And I suspect you'll retain
almost none of it.
First up tonight,
we welcome John Green,
author of
Turtles All the Way Down
and The Fault in Our Stars.
John, how about
a crash course in Wales?
Hello, and welcome
to Crash Course.
Today we're learning
about Wales,
a land of majesty, dampness,
and epic place names.
[cheerful music]
Let's begin with the first fact
Welsh people want you to know.
Wales is not England.
That's England,
that's Scotland,
and this is Wales.
Now, the political situation
here is exceptionally complex.
Wales is a country and has
its own language, Welsh,
and its own parliament,
the Senedd.
But at the same time,
Wales is part
of a sovereign nation
called the United Kingdom.
So, like, when competing
in the World Cup,
Welsh athletes compete
for Wales.
But in the Olympics,
Welsh athletes may compete
for Great Britain.
And to understand
this strange situation,
we're gonna need some history.
As early as 1,000 B.C.E.,
the Celts were living
in what we now call Wales.
Centuries later, the Romans
took over the region
before leaving
in the early fifth century,
and by the sixth,
the country was a patchwork
of independent tribes
and kingdoms.
But around that time, touchstones
of what would become
a unified Welsh culture
were starting to emerge.
Then in the eighth century,
an English king built
a man-made earthwork,
which is like
a fancy archeological term
for piles of soil and rock,
along what was becoming
the border between Wales
and England.
But the English kept
peering over
that tall, earthy fence
by which I mean invading.
Wales resisted
these invasions,
most famously
under the leadership
of Llywelyn ap Gruffudd,
who was known
as Llywelyn the Last
for a reason.
Following the English
King Edward I's war
beginning in 1282,
Wales lost its independence.
But it's one thing
to control some land.
It's another
to control people,
and over the centuries,
English kings and wards built
hundreds of castles in Wales
which served both as, like,
medieval Airbnbs
and as symbols of England's
power over the locals.
In fact, to this day,
Wales has more castles
per square mile
than anywhere else in Europe.
Eventually, in 1400,
self-declared Prince of Wales
Owain Glyndwr
led a nationwide mutiny
against Henry IV's England.
That rebellion
ultimately failed, though.
And a few English Henrys later,
Henry VIII's parliament
formally united
Wales and England
into a single political system.
All right, let's flash forward
to the 19th century
when tolls were imposed
on privately-owned roads
at the expense
of Welsh workers.
Riots ensued,
most famously
the Rebecca riots,
named after a line
from Genesis
where Rebecca is promised
that her descendants will
"possess the gates
of those who hate them,"
which is pretty metal.
But not as metal as Wales.
Please, God,
forgive me for that pun.
Its mineral-rich landscape
was mined and exported
to fuel
the Industrial Revolution
which led to a major
19th-century transformation
in Wales
from an agricultural economy
to an industrial one.
And as that happened,
popular protests
for workers' rights persisted.
In other words,
the people did eventually take
possession of the gates.
And those people,
many of them were
speaking Welsh.
Today, Wales remains
a part of the United Kingdom,
and so like Scotland
and Northern Ireland,
it lacks some characteristics
of a truly independent
nation-state.
But Wales endures,
as do celebrations
of Welshness
such as Saint David's Day,
a holiday where you attend
festivals, play music,
and pin a leek to your lapel.
Because, I don't know,
traditions are weird
and beautiful
everywhere you go.
And of course there are
Welsh sports.
Welsh football has revived
the protest song "Yma o Hyd"
that celebrates the endurance
of the underdog.
And all of these
historical developments led
to the most important event
in the history of Wales,
which was, of course,
when the fifth-tier
football club in Wrexham
was purchased by Ryan Reynolds
and his friend who works out
all the time
but still isn't as hot
as Ryan Reynolds.
Thanks for watching
Crash Course.
Back to you, Rob and Ryan.
Mm. Good God, I love history.
What's that?
Where did you get that?
- What?
- The glasses and the
This is a lunch menu
and these are fake.
[light music]
I want something
for my hands.
You know, I believe
Wales may be older
than It's Always Sunny
in Philadelphia, Rob.
Oh, or your self-aware
winking to the camera, Ryan.
Good God, I love self-aware
winking to the camera.
Next up, our good friend
Maxine Hughes helps us
cook up something special.
[Celtic folk music]
[sheep bleats]
Croeso nol, welcome back
to Welsh or Else,
where we highlight
the best of Welsh cooking.
Today, we're joined
by the cochairmen
of the North Walian
football club
the Wrexham Red Dragons,
Hollywood stars Ryan Reynolds
and Rob McElhenney.
[Ryan chuckles]
How come I have to wear
the apron
and you're not wearing one?
- 'Cause you do
what you're [bleep] told,
that's why.
Hey, boys?
I'm gonna take off the apron.
Well, I am so excited
to share some Welsh cooking
with everyone.
You guys ready?
- Ready.
- Yeah.
- Excited.
Now, Maxine, you're not
just an amazing
Welsh translator.
You're actually
you're a journalist.
I'm a journalist, yeah.
I live in D.C.
I've lived there
for a few years.
I mostly do
political journalism,
so it's a little bit different
than dealing with you guys.
What does "DC" stand for?
ROB: Hmm.
- I'm more of a Marvel guy.
MAXINE: Oh, I know. I know.
Now how many
Welsh speakers
are there in the world
right now?
So I'd say
there's around a million,
which is a really good number
because we're
a very small country,
about 3.8 million of us.
So it's-it's getting there.
And so today you're
you're gonna teach us
a little Welsh cooking
with a side order
of Welsh language.
So I thought we'd start
by cooking
one of my favorite dishes.
It's a very traditional dish
called lamb cawl.
Can you guys say cawl?
BOTH: Cawl.
- Cawl.
It means stew in Welsh.
So there's a lot of lambs
in Wales, though,
if I'm not mistaken, right?
That's, uha common
- Yeah. Very common.
- Animal.
Yeah, lamb farming
is-is a big deal in Wales.
Hey, let's take a look.
[chipper music]
[sheep bleats]
[whistles]
[sheep bleating]
[sheep bleats]
[John grunts]
[sheep bleating]
[sheep bleats]
Poor little Rob.
No, that's Ryan.
- That's Rob.
- It's definitely Ryan.
I mean,
it's a beautiful piece of lamb.
RYAN: Mm.
- It's probably Rob.
So there's this other dish
called Welsh Cakes.
- Let's do that.
- Let's make the Welsh Cakes.
- Welsh Cakes?
- Yeah.
Okay.
[beep]
Okay, so these are Welsh Cakes.
RYAN: Okay.
In Welsh, we call them
picau ar y maen.
- Picara-mine?
- Picar-mine.
Ar y maen.
ROB: Ara-mine.
RYAN: Ar-mine.
MAXINE: Ar y maen.
They're very popular in Wales.
We eat them
on Saint David's Day,
but we-we eat them
all year round really.
They're like a
they're kind of like a cross
between a pancake
and a scone and
you ready to make them?
RYAN: Let's do it, yeah.
Learn how to make them?
Okay, great.
We're gonna learn a bit
of Welsh now, okay, guys?
RYAN: Sure.
ROB: Okay.
MAXINE: So take your flour,
your blawd.
We're gonna put the flour
into the bowl.
RYAN: Okay.
Sugar. Siwgr nesaf.
Sugar.
MAXINE: Sugar next.
All right.
[speaking in Welsh]
A little bit of sbeis.
- Sbeis.
MAXINE:
A little bit of spice, okay?
And then we're gonna put
the fruit that you got
the currants, the raisins
RYAN: Yeah.
MAXINE: All right,
we're gonna put the menyn,
the butter
and the lard in next.
So I'm gonna use my fork
fforch.
BOTH: Fforch?
MAXINE: Fforch.
- Fforch?
- It's a Disney show.
- We'll bleep it out.
- Rob, there's an "R."
There's an "R" in it.
ROB: It's a Disney show.
Fforch.
RYAN: Fforch.
- [rolls R]
- Get the fforch in there.
Getall right.
MAXINE: All right, let's get
the menyn in the bowl then.
You can use your spoon. Llwy.
Can you say llwy?
ROB: Llwy.
How do you speak without
I feel like I just spit
all over the
Iyou know what?
Let's just put your hands
get your hands in there.
Start mixing.
Cymysgu. Can you say cymysgu?
BOTH: Cymysgu.
It looks very dry to me.
MAXINE:
Ew, yours looks horrible.
ROB: Yeah.
MAXINE: Let's see yours.
What happened to yours?
ROB: What?
RYAN: How do you say
"the butter is not soft"
in Welsh?
[speaking Welsh]
ROB: [speaking gibberish]
RYAN: Great.
MAXINE: So we're gonna need
to roll this out now.
All right, justyou don't need
to makego too-too flat.
Okay, take your
take your cutter.
It's a circle. Cylch.
BOTH: Cylch.
MAXINE: Let's make
a little-little circle.
We're gonna cook them.
Coginio. Cook.
Let's put them on. Ooh.
RYAN: Nice.
MAXINE: There's a little sizzle
going on.
ROB: Nice.
MAXINE: Okay.
RYAN: Looks like a Welsh Cake
to me.
MAXINE: Looks likewell,
it smells like a Welsh Cake.
[singing] This bed is on fire
with passionate love
Time to flip them.
How do you say
Welsh cakes again?
Picau ar y maen.
Great.
- That's a mouthful.
W-what would it sound like
if you said it in a sentence?
Um, let me think
of something.
Okay, um
ROB: That's beautiful.
Sounds likeit's like poetry.
Oh, yeah.
BOTH: Yeah.
MAXINE:
You think they're ready?
[speaking Welsh]
- They look pretty good.
- Barod i fwyta?
- Barod.
- Ready to eat?
- Take them off?
- Yeah.
- Let's have a look.
All right,
they look pretty good.
This one's yours, Ryan.
Justlet's keep
Rob's separate.
I'm gonna put siwgr
siwgr on the top.
Siwgr.
MAXINE: Yeah.
How do you say "terrible"
in Welsh?
Ofnadwy.
- Ofnadwy.
- How do you say "idiot"
in Welsh?
- Eh, twmffat.
BOTH: Twmffat.
- I'm gonna try one of these.
And how do you say
both terriblelet's say,
what would "terrible"
and "idiot" sound like
in a sentence together?
Um, okay, a sentence. Um
You're having
a mid-life crisis?
You play hockey?
[Celtic folk music]
ROB: This is Sports Center.
[dramatic music]
RYAN:
Tonight on Sports Center,
can the Wrexham Red Dragons
shake off their losing streak?
ROB: We look at a few pictures
when Ryan and I played sports
and make smart remarks
about them.
RYAN: And we count down
the top plays
of the year so far.
Welcome to the big show, everybody.
I'm Rob McElhenney,
currently fulfilling
a boyhood dream
of calling an episode
of Sports Center.
And I'm Ryan Reynolds,
fulfilling a boyhood dream
of wearing a suit to work
and sitting at a desk.
This is still Sports Center.
Welcome to
BOTH: Sports Center.
- Yeah.
Since our takeover
and infusion of talent,
the Red Dragons have,
quite frankly, struggled.
Yeah, we sit in seventh place,
losing to teams that we should
be winning against.
This isn't really going
exactly the way we
No, we're financially
bleeding to death
- Yeah.
- From self-inflicted stupidity
and an unsound business plan.
- Yeah.
And for those of you
who are not
in the world of sports,
uh, you're supposed to win.
It's helpful.
ROB: We sit in seventh place,
while Stockport seems like
the team to beat
in the national league.
Let's take a look at Wrexham's
first match against Stockport.
RYAN: We go to Edgeley Park
where the place is hoppin'
and also the players.
ROB: In the first minute,
Stockport County have
a throw-in
which results
in a decent chance on goal
but is easily saved
by Rob Lainton
who then boots it upfield
to a sprinting Paul Mullin
who does exactly
what Paul Mullin does
put one in the back
of the net.
RYAN: The Wrexham fans
who traveled to see the game
are super excited
and I'm sure 100% sober.
ROB: 23 minutes later,
McAlinden feeds
an amazing ball to Mullin
who switches feet
for a great chance on goal.
RYAN: Up 1-0 at the half.
God, we look great.
Got this one in the bag,
right, Rob?
ROB: Wrong!
Because we [bleep] lose
this one, Ryan.
Yeah, the guy goes
to the corner, he throws it,
and then this [bleep] guy
RYAN: Oh, got it.
ROB: hits it in with his head.
They score.
RYAN: [bleep] that guy.
ROB: So, yeah, this is
this is great.
RYAN: Yep. Yep. It's great.
Great like a mule kick
to the testicles.
Also, spoiler alert, I guess
ROB: I-I don't care.
I don't care.
Because I'm the anchor
and I can do
whatever I want.
And then with ten minutes
left to go,
this [bleep] guy
comes up the left side.
He kicks over to this guy
on the right.
RYAN: Oh, this is the worst!
Oh, you're [bleep] kidding me.
ROB: Shoots and carries off,
like, five of our guys
and they [bleep] kick it in.
RYAN: Oh, it hurts so bad.
ROB: And then the game's over
'cause they win. Yep.
RYAN: Goal.
ROB: We just keep on losing.
RYAN:
So [bleep] good at losing.
God, we're the best.
But just because the Dragons
aren't playing
up to their full potential
quite yet doesn't mean
there haven't been
some fantastic plays.
Indeed.
It's been a team effort.
And we've compiled our list
of top ten plays
of the year so far.
Number ten, Mr. Paul Mullin
lifts one up
from the top of the box.
Man, he makes it look easy.
RYAN: Number nine,
Cam Green with a nifty
left-footed treat.
ROB: Number eight,
Dior Angus
with the quick reflexes.
Nice job, Dior.
RYAN: Number seven,
Paul Mullin blasts one home
from the penalty box.
ROB: He's taking his ball
and going home.
Number six,
David Jones,
from a million miles away,
blasts a screamer
past the goalie.
RYAN: Number five,
Paul Mullin using that head.
[cheering]
ROB: Speaking of heads,
Jordan Davies' head was
in the right place
at the right time
and he used it as well.
RYAN: In at number three,
Paul Mullin bends
like a Spice Girl's husband
and then does
a little trash-talking.
ROB: Number two,
just in case you thought
it was the Glory Boys
that get the glory,
Rob Lainton makes
the save of the season.
Then he has a couple
of choice words
for his opponent.
It's a family show, Rob.
And number one,
Paul Mullin once again
using that head.
[cheers and applause]
You know, so often,
Sports Center focuses
on professional sports.
But a lot of us stop
playing sports competitively
much younger.
So with the help of Rob's dad,
I've unearthed some footage
of Rob playing sports
when he was just a child.
I think you can see
where this is going, Rob.
- Abject humiliation.
- Absolutely.
Let's go to Philadelphia
in the 1990s.
Okay, Rob's the little one
in case you didn't know.
ROB: Okay, can we just
address this right now?
I am not small.
It's just that you're
abnormally large,
and I'm constantly standing
next to you in this show.
RYAN:
Well, what about Humphrey?
ROB:
Humphrey? Humphrey is a giant.
You can't compare me
to Humphrey.
He'sokay, you know what?
I look normal on the show.
You guys are
the ones that look
like oversized goons.
Look at some of my other shows
where I'm standing
next to normal-sized people.
[bright music]
You see? So it's all relative.
But enough about me, Ryan.
Let's talk about you
and your past.
Because I spoke with your mom.
And I actually unearthed
some photos
of your old playing days.
And I thought we would all
enjoy them together.
Oh. Thank you, Mom.
Let's take a look.
And here is you playing goalie
in what looks like
the worst soccer field
I have ever seen.
RYAN: It wasn't so bad.
It was 80% gravel
and 20% broken glass,
which made you appreciate
the gravel.
ROB: Who's taking
that picture, Ryan?
RYAN: My dad, actually.
If you zoom in,
you could see me looking
for his approval.
Uh, still looking for it.
ROB: That one is so sad
I'm just gonna let it go.
Tomorrow night,
a hard-hitting 30 for 30
investigating whatever happened
to the Wrexham Robin,
beloved mascot for decades
until it mysteriously
disappeared in 2013
only to be replaced
by a much more dynamic,
focus-group friendly dragon.
I heard kids love dragons.
You gotta love that merch.
Good night, everyone.
Yeah, uh, ohno, there's
a whole other segment.
What?
There's a whole
other segment, so
Can you handle it?
ROB: No!
I can't do it alone
it's a two-person gig.
RYAN: Oh, God, the whining.
You belong
in Bristol, Connecticut.
[big band music]
[cheers and applause]
Oh, lovely.
Wow.
Welcome to Wales Late Night,
the only late-night talk show
that counts sheep
as an important part
of their demographic.
- That was terrible.
- Horrible.
Tonight we are going
to welcome
a very special Welsh guest,
but first we're going
to walk over while music plays
because I believe that's how
these things are done.
RYAN: Yes, let's walk over.
[cheers and applause]
Oh?
- Uh
Who gets the chair?
We didn't, um
Probably should have
talked about this before we
- Yeah.
- Walked out
'cause the people are waiting
You want to Welsh
Rochambeau for it?
What's a Welsh Rochambeau?
[laughs]
"What's a Welsh Rochambeau?"
What an idiot.
[big band music]
I see you've heard
of Welsh Rochambeau.
Well, I feel
more well-informed.
Ryan, how about you?
I feel like I have
a black belt in Wales, Rob.
No show about Wales
would be complete
without some singing.
Wales is known
as the land of song.
To close our show,
please welcome
Welsh legend Charlotte Church.
[cheers and applause]
CHARLOTTE: Hello.
RYAN: Hello.
How are you doing?
How are you? Come on.
Good to see you.
Hey. Hi, Rob. How are you?
- All right, how are you?
- Ah, marvelous.
RYAN: Welcome
to Welcome to Wrexham.
- Thank you.
- [sighs] That's fun to say.
Welcome
to Welcome to Wrexham.
That's what I'm supposed to say
'cause I'm the host.
Sorry, yeah, I'm the
I'm the Ed McMahon here.
Yeah.
- Thank you for flying in
for this.
We arewe're so grateful.
Oh, my gosh.
It is such a pleasure.
What part of Wales
are you from?
I'm from Cardiff.
I'm from South Wales.
When was the first time
you remember
where you're like,
"I-I can sing.
But not just sing.
Like, I can sing"
- [giggles]
- "For real."
[sighs]
It was when I was about three.
And I'd come home from nursery
and I would know
every word to every song
on the radio.
I think when I realized was
when I started getting
attention for it, I suppose.
- Uh-huh.
- When I was about
ROB: Ryan doesn't know
anything about that.
CHARLOTTE: [laughs]
No, no,
I don't know anything
well, my children only sing
"Baby Shark."
And it'sthe attention is
pure negativity.
Like, it's justI-Iyeah.
It's terrible.
My wife Blake did a movie
where she's
called The Shallows
where she's being attacked
by a shark.
- Oh, gosh.
I was just like,
"Yeah, you really like
"'Baby Shark'?
How do you like that?"
CHARLOTTE: Oh, no!
[dramatic music]
[gasps]
[grunts]
Oh, no, you didn't!
No, you didn't.
Maybe
no, I wouldn't do that.
[mouthing words]
[squeals]
You got three little girls,
do you?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Aww, lush.
I've got two big ones,
13 and 14,
and a little one.
- Whoa!
Would you do us the honor
of singing us a song?
I would absolutely love
to sing for you guys.
And I want to sing
for you guys as a thank you
on behalf of everybody
in Wales, so
We are having
the time of our lives.
Truly.
ROB: We're having
it's been incredible,
and for as much fun
as we've been having
and we've been laughing
and doing all sorts
of these kinds of things,
and it's just, like,
super fun
but the warmth that we've felt
and the embrace that we've felt
from the entire nation,
let alone the town of Wrexham,
has just been overwhelming.
Yeah.
RYAN: It seems to me
that everyone from Wrexham,
and particularly
everyone from Wales,
is an ambassador of Wales.
Yeah, totally.
Like, there's a pride
that is unshakeable.
Yeah, totally.
RYAN: And I think
it's really wonderful.
Charlotte, so what will you
be singing today?
CHARLOTTE:
Today I'm gonna sing for you
a Welsh classic,
"Men of Harlech,"
which I believe
is very popular at
Huge.
CHARLOTTE:
Wrexham Football Club.
So here we go.
- Yes.
- "Men of Harlech."
[cheers and applause]
[singing in Welsh]
[singing]
From the rocks rebounding
Let the war cry sounding
Summon all at Cambria's call
The haughty foe surrounding
Men of Harlech, on to glory
See your banner famed in story
Wave these burning words
before ye
Cymru fo am byth
[cheers and applause]
[sighs]
[singing in Welsh]
[cheers and applause]
[upbeat marching band music]