A.N.T. Farm (2011) s01e08 Episode Script
ReplicANT
Hello, Chyna.
You're looking very lovely today.
You're so sweet.
And handsome.
And charming.
And Don't speak What are you doing? What are you doing? Yeah.
Hey, guys, I have big news! There's a new Ant joining us today.
'is name is Nigel and 'e is from England.
That's my British accent.
It eez spot on, don't you think, governor? Well, it's better than your Australian accent.
Good-a day-a, mate.
Throw-a another shrimp-a on the barbie-a.
So this Nigel, did he just move here? Not exactly.
'ello, I'm Nigel.
Good to meet you.
Welcome to the Ant Farm.
That's my Swedish accent.
Gibson, you didn't mention that there was something unusual about Nigel.
Sure, I did.
I told you he was British.
No, I mean he's a robot.
Chyna! We do not use labels here in the Ant Farm.
Which is why I occasionally shmear paste on my bagel.
I'm not a robot.
I'm in England speaking to you through this tele-presence device, equipped with gyropscopic wheels, HD webcam, and an mp3 player for karaoke.
Interestingly enough, karaoke does not originate from Japan, but rather from a 196os American television show.
Sing Along with Mitch.
You two should get along.
You're a human in a robot body and Olive's a robot in a human body.
Thank you.
Well, you seem very nice.
For a robot.
Because usually in the movies, you guys rise up and wipe out the human race.
You're not going to do that, are you? No, we only do that once we determine that humans are useless beings , worthy of elimination.
It looks like that day may be upon us.
Ooh, ooh Doo, doo Ooh, ooh Doo, doo Whoo! Everybody's got that thing Something different we all bring Don't you let 'em clip your wings You got it You got it We're on fire and we blaze In extraordinary ways 365 days We got it We got it You can dream it You can be it If you can feel it You can believe it 'Cause I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Yeah, I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh Whoo! There.
I got the thorn out of your paw, but now you owe me a favor.
No, I'm not going to kiss it better.
So, Nigel, of your classes yet? I just took everything that's on the first floor.
Hmm.
Angus did the same thing.
How am I supposed to get room four in 10 minutes? So, what's your talent? Vacuuming carpets? I'll show you.
The measure done, I'll watch her place of stand.
And touching hers, make blessed my rude hand.
Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.
Wow, you're an amazing actor.
Big deal.
Any robot can do Shakespeare.
You want to impress us, let's see you transform into a truck.
Show off! So what's so important that you had to show me in person? I was in the middle of a big case.
Of caramel corn.
Check it out.
I got the high score on Donkey King! You're kidding me! I used to play this when I was your age! Really? Yeah, I was into all the games.
Snac-Man, Froggie, Space Inf esters.
Check out my initials.
C.
O.
P.
Yeah, you've got second place.
What? O.
D.
D.
? Who's Odd? I am! Olive Daphne Doyle.
How'd you get such a high score? I just memorized all the game patterns.
But there are like Yeah, that's why it was so easy.
Do you mind? I want to play again.
Maybe I'll beat my own high score and bump you down to third.
Dad, do something! Arrest her! For what? All of a sudden you need a reason? Okay, Olive.
You think you're so great? There's a Donkey King tournament tomorrow night, and my son is going to take you to school.
Ooh, I'm always looking for a good carpooling opportunity.
Hey, Fletcher.
Oh.
Are you finger painting a finger painting? Right.
It's my finger.
It's not like I have a freakishly long toe or anything.
Okay.
Can I ask you about something kind of personal? It's about my feet, isn't it? No.
There's this guy I'm kind of interested in.
He's cute and sweet and artistic Really? Yeah.
Do you think I should I ask him out or wait for him to make the first move? Ask him out! Ask him out! So, if it were you, you don't think it would be too forward? No! Do it! Do it now! Okay.
Okay.
Hi, Nigel.
Are you busy Friday night? What? There he is! The soon-to-be champ! Yeah I don't know if I'm going to play Olive in the tournament.
I don't want to crush that little girl's dreams.
Crush them! She'll get over it.
It builds character.
You know how many of my dreams were crushed when you kids were born? What? I mean bad dreams were crushed.
Bad dreams like sleeping in on the weekends and having money in the bank.
What if I can't beat Olive? You can do this.
All you need is training.
That's how I became a good cop.
Okay! I'll go down to the arcade and practice all night! Great idea! I just need like $300 worth of quarters! Okay, better idea.
I know a Donkey King game you can play for free.
You do? Yeah! Joystick, button.
Barrel, barrel! Flaming barrel! Wa wa wa waaah Game over.
What? I jumped over it.
No, if you didn't lose, why did the game make the wa-wa- waaahh sound? This is stupid.
You didn't train this way when you became a cop.
Bang.
Bang.
Bang bang.
Barrel! Barrel! Apple! Bonus points! Bling! Bling! Bling! Bling! Bling! Ching! Ching! Ching! Ching! Ching! Ching! There.
The perfect outfit to wear while you're out with this boy.
I'm not going out with Nigel dressed like this.
Of course not.
No riot gear is complete without this mask.
You know, in case you need to deploy the tear gas.
No.
No.
Just put that on Stand down.
Stand down.
Excuse me for worrying.
It's just that you're my daughter, and I'm your father, and my wife is your mother, and your brother is my sister's nephew.
Dad, what are you talking about? I don't know! I'm nervous.
I mean, what exactly is going to happen tonight? Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah His name is written above my heart Like he fell from the stars And when he says hello, I can't deny That I want him to be mine He's the sweetest kind of guy The sweetest kind of guy The more I get to know him Well, the more I cannot hide That he's on my mind every single day Hope he never goes away My crush has gotta be the real thing I love how good that I've been feeling I'm dreaming Head over heels Over my crush My crush My crush Hello? I asked you a question like two minutes ago.
Huh? You know what? Maybe I should chaperone.
What? No! No! No! No! I would die if you came.
Promise me you will not come anywhere near the roller rink tonight.
Okay.
I promise.
I'll let my little baby go out with a boy all by herself.
Dad, are you crying? Of course not.
It's just there's tear gas left on this uniform.
There actually is tear gas on that uniform! Go get your father a cold washcloth.
Angus, I need your help.
Why should I help you? What do you need? Whoa! You know, this is a lot harder in real life.
Uh-oh.
Why don't you hold onto me? Okay.
Much better.
Hey, guys.
Gibson? You know, if you're having trouble, I could show you a few moves.
Oh, no, that's okay, we're And five, four, three, two, burst! Up, punch, across.
And crank.
Crank.
Stay down.
Shoulder.
Chin.
Shoulder, shoulder, shoulder.
And pat.
Double dream hands.
Two step clap! Reach to the audience! And butterfly.
Double dream hands.
Freestyle! And punch! Hey! Careful, Gibson.
You're not wearing a helmet.
Sure I am.
You want to borrow it? No, no, that's okay.
It's Wow, you sure do sweat a lot, don't you? You think that one's bad, check out this one.
You're wearing another one? Kidding! What kind of dork would wear two hair helmets? She'll never learn to love again.
Dad, are you watching a chick flick and crying? Of course not.
There's tear gas left on this pillow.
Why is this stuff all over the house? I have got to learn to wash my hands when I come home from work.
Well, let's go.
We have to get to the Donkey King tournament.
Sorry, Cam.
You're going to have to go without me.
Chyna's at the roller rink and I promised her I would not intrude.
Of course.
For years you've gone to her concerts, recitals, awards presentations.
Finally, I do something that eclipses all of that and you're not even going to come.
Because I have a feeling I'm going to win tonight.
I don't know what to do.
Chyna's there with this boy Well, actually, it's just a kid inside of a machine.
Wait, I've got an idea.
Seriously? This is your idea? This is a great disguise.
Chyna won't know I'm here, and people keep giving me quarters.
Oh, look out! Insert coin.
Insert coin.
What? I already did.
Stupid machine! Thanks for helping me out, Angus.
I've got to stop Nigel from stealing my girl.
I get it.
If that glorified toaster oven came after my Olive, he'd end up in a scrap heap.
Turn.
Are you sure you can hack into Nigel's system? Are you kidding? Right now, I am directing the cameras The Tonight Show.
Camera two, cut to Jay.
Turn.
This is cool.
We're kind of, sort of, almost sharing a milkshake.
Hey! Not too fast, you'll get brain freeze.
Three, two, one.
Nigel? Nigel? You got everything freeze! I just spilled a spot of tea on the blinkin' gogglebox.
But no need to get the collywobbles, it seems the sound is still peachy-keen.
Yes! Just beat my high score! See? And Olive's not even here.
I guess you psyched her out and she was too afraid to show up.
Something like that.
Better get to the roller rink.
What the heck? Barrel.
Barrel.
Oh, apple.
Bonus points.
You think you can stop me? I'm the champ! Now, let's see who's inside this donkey suit.
Wacky the Wolf! Oh! You stink! Perhaps you should take those skates off your feet and put them on your bum-bum.
Hey.
I'm trying.
Trying to do what? Make people laugh? Because you're so gobsmacking awful you make a Buckingham Palace guard bust a gut snickering.
Why are you suddenly being such a jerk? No, I didn't say that! If you don't like it, perhaps you should go out with someone else.
Like that sweet, caring, boyishly handsome Fletcher.
Maybe I will! Yes! I mean Yes, Jeeves, do bring the pony around, I'd like to play a round of polo.
Pip pip! Huzzah! Hey, Cam, looks like you're going to win.
We'll see about that! Uh-oh.
Wacky told me everything! Including some weird personal stuff.
You knew you couldn't beat me, so you set up a real life Donkey King game to try to make sure I never showed up.
Cameron? Is that true? That's genius! Well, I'm out of here.
What? Just when she shows up you're going to give up on me? No.
Snac-Man needs to go to the Snac-Men's room and deposit a roll of quarters.
I can't believe I thought you were cute.
Well, I'm not cute! I'm hideous.
And if you don't like it, well, too bad! This is the real me.
My name is Nigel and I'm a dodgy plonker.
Fletcher, I can see you.
Do something! Got it.
Power surge! Whoa! Dad? What? The scores got erased! No fair! I was beating you! We both have zero? I'm tied for the championship! Woohoo! Yes! Yes! Dad! I know you're in there! And, Fletcher, I know you're in there! Hi, Chyna.
I see what's going on here.
You do? Yes, my dad put you up to this.
He didn't want me going out with Nigel so he cooked up this scheme to try to make him look bad.
No, that's not true.
You're hiding inside an arcade game.
Only because I He wanted to make sure I went along with his evil plan! I didn't want to, but your father forced me.
You make me sick.
Hi, Chyna.
Do you know if we have any cranberry sauce? I'm sorry about last night, Nigel.
My dad can get a little nutso.
But I guess I understand.
After all, I am his daughter and he's my dad.
My brother's ** just ** you.
Why don't we try again ** Saturday? We can go **.
Don't you wear like 3,000 pounds.
Good point.
Beside I don't think I'm ready for a boyfriend.
Who's the robot.
.
Well Maybe someday we can meet in person.
That would be great.
Maybe you could come visit.
Crank, crank, **.
, , shoulder, shoulder, shoulder and.
.
Or I could come to you.
.
.
You're looking very lovely today.
You're so sweet.
And handsome.
And charming.
And Don't speak What are you doing? What are you doing? Yeah.
Hey, guys, I have big news! There's a new Ant joining us today.
'is name is Nigel and 'e is from England.
That's my British accent.
It eez spot on, don't you think, governor? Well, it's better than your Australian accent.
Good-a day-a, mate.
Throw-a another shrimp-a on the barbie-a.
So this Nigel, did he just move here? Not exactly.
'ello, I'm Nigel.
Good to meet you.
Welcome to the Ant Farm.
That's my Swedish accent.
Gibson, you didn't mention that there was something unusual about Nigel.
Sure, I did.
I told you he was British.
No, I mean he's a robot.
Chyna! We do not use labels here in the Ant Farm.
Which is why I occasionally shmear paste on my bagel.
I'm not a robot.
I'm in England speaking to you through this tele-presence device, equipped with gyropscopic wheels, HD webcam, and an mp3 player for karaoke.
Interestingly enough, karaoke does not originate from Japan, but rather from a 196os American television show.
Sing Along with Mitch.
You two should get along.
You're a human in a robot body and Olive's a robot in a human body.
Thank you.
Well, you seem very nice.
For a robot.
Because usually in the movies, you guys rise up and wipe out the human race.
You're not going to do that, are you? No, we only do that once we determine that humans are useless beings , worthy of elimination.
It looks like that day may be upon us.
Ooh, ooh Doo, doo Ooh, ooh Doo, doo Whoo! Everybody's got that thing Something different we all bring Don't you let 'em clip your wings You got it You got it We're on fire and we blaze In extraordinary ways 365 days We got it We got it You can dream it You can be it If you can feel it You can believe it 'Cause I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Yeah, I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh Whoo! There.
I got the thorn out of your paw, but now you owe me a favor.
No, I'm not going to kiss it better.
So, Nigel, of your classes yet? I just took everything that's on the first floor.
Hmm.
Angus did the same thing.
How am I supposed to get room four in 10 minutes? So, what's your talent? Vacuuming carpets? I'll show you.
The measure done, I'll watch her place of stand.
And touching hers, make blessed my rude hand.
Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.
Wow, you're an amazing actor.
Big deal.
Any robot can do Shakespeare.
You want to impress us, let's see you transform into a truck.
Show off! So what's so important that you had to show me in person? I was in the middle of a big case.
Of caramel corn.
Check it out.
I got the high score on Donkey King! You're kidding me! I used to play this when I was your age! Really? Yeah, I was into all the games.
Snac-Man, Froggie, Space Inf esters.
Check out my initials.
C.
O.
P.
Yeah, you've got second place.
What? O.
D.
D.
? Who's Odd? I am! Olive Daphne Doyle.
How'd you get such a high score? I just memorized all the game patterns.
But there are like Yeah, that's why it was so easy.
Do you mind? I want to play again.
Maybe I'll beat my own high score and bump you down to third.
Dad, do something! Arrest her! For what? All of a sudden you need a reason? Okay, Olive.
You think you're so great? There's a Donkey King tournament tomorrow night, and my son is going to take you to school.
Ooh, I'm always looking for a good carpooling opportunity.
Hey, Fletcher.
Oh.
Are you finger painting a finger painting? Right.
It's my finger.
It's not like I have a freakishly long toe or anything.
Okay.
Can I ask you about something kind of personal? It's about my feet, isn't it? No.
There's this guy I'm kind of interested in.
He's cute and sweet and artistic Really? Yeah.
Do you think I should I ask him out or wait for him to make the first move? Ask him out! Ask him out! So, if it were you, you don't think it would be too forward? No! Do it! Do it now! Okay.
Okay.
Hi, Nigel.
Are you busy Friday night? What? There he is! The soon-to-be champ! Yeah I don't know if I'm going to play Olive in the tournament.
I don't want to crush that little girl's dreams.
Crush them! She'll get over it.
It builds character.
You know how many of my dreams were crushed when you kids were born? What? I mean bad dreams were crushed.
Bad dreams like sleeping in on the weekends and having money in the bank.
What if I can't beat Olive? You can do this.
All you need is training.
That's how I became a good cop.
Okay! I'll go down to the arcade and practice all night! Great idea! I just need like $300 worth of quarters! Okay, better idea.
I know a Donkey King game you can play for free.
You do? Yeah! Joystick, button.
Barrel, barrel! Flaming barrel! Wa wa wa waaah Game over.
What? I jumped over it.
No, if you didn't lose, why did the game make the wa-wa- waaahh sound? This is stupid.
You didn't train this way when you became a cop.
Bang.
Bang.
Bang bang.
Barrel! Barrel! Apple! Bonus points! Bling! Bling! Bling! Bling! Bling! Ching! Ching! Ching! Ching! Ching! Ching! There.
The perfect outfit to wear while you're out with this boy.
I'm not going out with Nigel dressed like this.
Of course not.
No riot gear is complete without this mask.
You know, in case you need to deploy the tear gas.
No.
No.
Just put that on Stand down.
Stand down.
Excuse me for worrying.
It's just that you're my daughter, and I'm your father, and my wife is your mother, and your brother is my sister's nephew.
Dad, what are you talking about? I don't know! I'm nervous.
I mean, what exactly is going to happen tonight? Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah His name is written above my heart Like he fell from the stars And when he says hello, I can't deny That I want him to be mine He's the sweetest kind of guy The sweetest kind of guy The more I get to know him Well, the more I cannot hide That he's on my mind every single day Hope he never goes away My crush has gotta be the real thing I love how good that I've been feeling I'm dreaming Head over heels Over my crush My crush My crush Hello? I asked you a question like two minutes ago.
Huh? You know what? Maybe I should chaperone.
What? No! No! No! No! I would die if you came.
Promise me you will not come anywhere near the roller rink tonight.
Okay.
I promise.
I'll let my little baby go out with a boy all by herself.
Dad, are you crying? Of course not.
It's just there's tear gas left on this uniform.
There actually is tear gas on that uniform! Go get your father a cold washcloth.
Angus, I need your help.
Why should I help you? What do you need? Whoa! You know, this is a lot harder in real life.
Uh-oh.
Why don't you hold onto me? Okay.
Much better.
Hey, guys.
Gibson? You know, if you're having trouble, I could show you a few moves.
Oh, no, that's okay, we're And five, four, three, two, burst! Up, punch, across.
And crank.
Crank.
Stay down.
Shoulder.
Chin.
Shoulder, shoulder, shoulder.
And pat.
Double dream hands.
Two step clap! Reach to the audience! And butterfly.
Double dream hands.
Freestyle! And punch! Hey! Careful, Gibson.
You're not wearing a helmet.
Sure I am.
You want to borrow it? No, no, that's okay.
It's Wow, you sure do sweat a lot, don't you? You think that one's bad, check out this one.
You're wearing another one? Kidding! What kind of dork would wear two hair helmets? She'll never learn to love again.
Dad, are you watching a chick flick and crying? Of course not.
There's tear gas left on this pillow.
Why is this stuff all over the house? I have got to learn to wash my hands when I come home from work.
Well, let's go.
We have to get to the Donkey King tournament.
Sorry, Cam.
You're going to have to go without me.
Chyna's at the roller rink and I promised her I would not intrude.
Of course.
For years you've gone to her concerts, recitals, awards presentations.
Finally, I do something that eclipses all of that and you're not even going to come.
Because I have a feeling I'm going to win tonight.
I don't know what to do.
Chyna's there with this boy Well, actually, it's just a kid inside of a machine.
Wait, I've got an idea.
Seriously? This is your idea? This is a great disguise.
Chyna won't know I'm here, and people keep giving me quarters.
Oh, look out! Insert coin.
Insert coin.
What? I already did.
Stupid machine! Thanks for helping me out, Angus.
I've got to stop Nigel from stealing my girl.
I get it.
If that glorified toaster oven came after my Olive, he'd end up in a scrap heap.
Turn.
Are you sure you can hack into Nigel's system? Are you kidding? Right now, I am directing the cameras The Tonight Show.
Camera two, cut to Jay.
Turn.
This is cool.
We're kind of, sort of, almost sharing a milkshake.
Hey! Not too fast, you'll get brain freeze.
Three, two, one.
Nigel? Nigel? You got everything freeze! I just spilled a spot of tea on the blinkin' gogglebox.
But no need to get the collywobbles, it seems the sound is still peachy-keen.
Yes! Just beat my high score! See? And Olive's not even here.
I guess you psyched her out and she was too afraid to show up.
Something like that.
Better get to the roller rink.
What the heck? Barrel.
Barrel.
Oh, apple.
Bonus points.
You think you can stop me? I'm the champ! Now, let's see who's inside this donkey suit.
Wacky the Wolf! Oh! You stink! Perhaps you should take those skates off your feet and put them on your bum-bum.
Hey.
I'm trying.
Trying to do what? Make people laugh? Because you're so gobsmacking awful you make a Buckingham Palace guard bust a gut snickering.
Why are you suddenly being such a jerk? No, I didn't say that! If you don't like it, perhaps you should go out with someone else.
Like that sweet, caring, boyishly handsome Fletcher.
Maybe I will! Yes! I mean Yes, Jeeves, do bring the pony around, I'd like to play a round of polo.
Pip pip! Huzzah! Hey, Cam, looks like you're going to win.
We'll see about that! Uh-oh.
Wacky told me everything! Including some weird personal stuff.
You knew you couldn't beat me, so you set up a real life Donkey King game to try to make sure I never showed up.
Cameron? Is that true? That's genius! Well, I'm out of here.
What? Just when she shows up you're going to give up on me? No.
Snac-Man needs to go to the Snac-Men's room and deposit a roll of quarters.
I can't believe I thought you were cute.
Well, I'm not cute! I'm hideous.
And if you don't like it, well, too bad! This is the real me.
My name is Nigel and I'm a dodgy plonker.
Fletcher, I can see you.
Do something! Got it.
Power surge! Whoa! Dad? What? The scores got erased! No fair! I was beating you! We both have zero? I'm tied for the championship! Woohoo! Yes! Yes! Dad! I know you're in there! And, Fletcher, I know you're in there! Hi, Chyna.
I see what's going on here.
You do? Yes, my dad put you up to this.
He didn't want me going out with Nigel so he cooked up this scheme to try to make him look bad.
No, that's not true.
You're hiding inside an arcade game.
Only because I He wanted to make sure I went along with his evil plan! I didn't want to, but your father forced me.
You make me sick.
Hi, Chyna.
Do you know if we have any cranberry sauce? I'm sorry about last night, Nigel.
My dad can get a little nutso.
But I guess I understand.
After all, I am his daughter and he's my dad.
My brother's ** just ** you.
Why don't we try again ** Saturday? We can go **.
Don't you wear like 3,000 pounds.
Good point.
Beside I don't think I'm ready for a boyfriend.
Who's the robot.
.
Well Maybe someday we can meet in person.
That would be great.
Maybe you could come visit.
Crank, crank, **.
, , shoulder, shoulder, shoulder and.
.
Or I could come to you.
.
.