Aaahh!!! Real Monsters (1994) s01e08 Episode Script

[ clock chiming, thunderclap]
[ creaking]
[ owl hooting]
[ shrieking]
[ crying]
[ gasps]
[ screaming]
I'LL GET YOU!
[Captioning sponsored
by NICKELODEON
and THE U.S. DEPARTMEN
OF EDUCATION]
[ needle scratching record]
[ chuckles]
NOW, IF YOU
GANGRENOUS CANKER SORES
WILL ALL TAKE OUT YOUR SACS
WE CAN STAR
TODAY'S BREATHING LESSONS.
[ grunting and slurping]
[ Krumm grunting]
EXCELLENT.
NOW FILL THEM.
AND SWALLOW.
[ grunting]
SUPERB!
NOW SOMEONE REFRESH ME.
WHY DO WE DO THIS?
OOH, OH, OOH
YES?
[ clears throat]
BECAUSE WITH A FULL SAC
OF THE LIFE-GIVING
NOXIOUS GARBAGE AIR
WE CAN SURVIVE IN THE HARSH,
OXYGEN-RICH HUMAN ENVIRONMEN
FOR UP TO 48 HOURS.
OH, GOOD ANSWER, SNILL.
THANK YOU,
AND MAY I SAY THAT--
BUT WHAT DO YOU DO
IF YOU'LL BE ABOVE GROUND
FOR FOUR DAYS OR FIVE? HMM?
ICKIS!
UM, UH, COME HOME EARLY?
OH, DEAR.
WRONG!
I'M GOING TO SHOW
YOU FESTERING WOUNDS
A WAY TO DOUBLE YOUR
ABOVE GROUND BREATHING TIME.
SO PAY CLOSE ATTENTION!
GROW.
GROW?
GROW!
SOME OF YOU MAY BE
BETTER AT GROWING
THAN OTHERS RIGHT NOW,
BUT FEAR NOT.
YOU'LL LEARN
OR I'LL TEACH YOU.
[ teeth
chattering]
[ straining]
NOW WHAT?
NOW SWALLOW.
EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT.
NOW, IF YOU'LL
SHRINK BACK DOWN
YOUR BODY
WILL COMPRESS YOUR SAC
TO HOLD THE EXTRA AIR.
[ grunting]
[ crying]
I DON'T
I DON'T THINK I CAN.
NONSENSE.
YOUR BODY WILL
CLOSE AROUND THE SAC.
IT JUST TAKES
A LITTLE GETTING USED TO.
[ grunting and crying]
[ class laughing]
WORK ON IT.
WORK ON IT. WORK ON IT!
SURE, I'LL WORK ON IT.
[ laughing]
I'M HAVING A BAD DAY.
[ snarling]
HE'S GOING TO GET IT.
KID, YOU'RE EITHER NUTS
OR A LOT TOUGHER THAN YOU LOOK.
OH, YEAH?
WELL, EITHER WAY, YOU LOSE.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
ICKIS.
I LIKE YOU, ICKIS.
YOU DO?
Together:
HE DOES?
I KNOCKED YOU DOWN,
YOU CAME BACK AT ME.
THAT TOOK GUTS.
LOTS OF MONSTERS
WOULD HAVE KEPT ON WALKING.
YEAH?
WELL, NOT THIS MONSTER.
YOU TRIP THIS LITTLE GUY
AND YOU BETTER
BE READY TO--
DON'T GET CARRIED AWAY.
RIGHT.
I'M PHUG.
DO YOU GO TO THE ACADEMY?
[ all laughing]
THE ACADEMY?
WHY WOULD I WASTE
MY TIME IN THERE?
BUNCH OF SNOTTY LOSERS.
THINK THEY'RE SO SCARY.
TELL ME ABOUT IT.
[ crowd laughing]
YOU SHOULD BE MORE CAREFUL.
YOU STEPPED ON MY TOE.
OH, YOU'RE SO RIGHT.
WHAT WAS I THINKING?
YOU ARE DIR
AND I'M NO BETTER
THAN FRESH FOLIAGE.
THAT'S THE SPIRIT.
OKAY.
HAVE A LICE DAY.
THAT'LL SHOW YOU TO LAUGH AT ME.
THAT PIECE OF FLUNGE
LAUGHED AT YOU?
I MESSED UP
IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS
AND THEY ALL THOUGH
IT WAS SOFUNNY.
WHO NEEDS THAT?
YEAH.
WHO NEEDS THAT?
ONE MORE PUMP, THEN SWALLOW.
THAT WASN'T TOO BAD.
[ burps]
I LIKE THE OLD WAY BETTER.
ICKIS! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
WHAT DO YOU CARE?
NEED SOMEONE TO LAUGH AT?
ICKIS
WE'RE SO SORRY
FOR LAUGHING.
WHY DON'T YOU PRACTICE
FILLING YOUR SAC WITH US?
YOU CAN LAUGH AT ME IF YOU WANT.
NO, THANK YOU.
[ sniffs]
OOH
[ laughing]
ICKIS,
WHERE YOU GOING?
TO CLASS.
WE GET OUR
ASSIGNMENTS TODAY.
I GO
A BETTER IDEA.
WHAT DO YOU SAY
YOU AND ME
GO ABOVE GROUND
FOR A SCARE?
YEAH.
ABOVE GROUND?
DON'T THEY TEACH
THE WAY ABOVE
GROUND IN THERE?
IT'S DANGEROUS,
YOU KNOW.
SO I'M NO
TOUGH ENOUGH?
NO, NO, NO!
YOU'RE VERY TOUGH--
YES, TOUGH.
IT'S JUST THAT UP THERE,
THINGS ARE DIFFERENT.
WELL, IF YOU'D RATHER
GO IN THERE
WHERE THEY
LAUGH AT YOU
SO THIS IS THE WAY UP?
BEFORE WE GO,
DID YOU FILL YOUR BREATHING SAC?
SURE! YEAH, RIGHT,
I ALREADY FILLED IT.
OKAY.
WELL, LET'S GO.
[ grunting]
IT'S CRAMPED IN HERE.
JUST DON'T WORRY,
WE'RE JUST ABOUT THERE.
COME ON!
I CAN'T GET THROUGH THERE.
SURE YOU CAN.
I'LL HELP YOU.
J-JUST RELAX YOURSELF.
THINK OF SLUDGE.
I CAN DO IT MYSELF.
[ grunts]
[ humming]
THIS GUY LOOKS RIPE FOR A SCARE.
HA! I DIDN'T COME
ALL THIS WAY
TO LET YOU
DO THE SCARE.
SIT BACK AND TAKE NOTES,
SCHOOL BOY.
[ humming]
[ yells]
[ yelling]
YEAH!
GOOD SCARE!
GOOD SCARE?
TRY GREAT SCARE.
THAT GUY WAS TERRIFIED.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU WASTE TIME IN THAT SCHOOL
WHEN IT'S THIS EASY!
WHERE YOU GOING?
EXIT'S THROUGH THERE, REMEMBER.
EXIT? ARE YOU NUTS?
I'M GOING TO GIVE HIM ANOTHER.
WELL, YOU CAN'T.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
I CAN'T?
YOU'RE ONLY SUPPOSED
TO SCARE 'EM ONCE.
THEN THEY'RE NEVER SURE
WHAT THEY SAW.
HOLD ON THERE.
I THINK I GET IT.
SCARE 'EM ONCE, THEY'LL
BE SCARED FOR LIFE
'CAUSE THEY DON'
KNOW WHAT HIT 'EM.
BUT SCARE 'EM TWICE
THEY START FIGURING OU
WHAT WE ARE
WE'RE IN BIG TROUBLE!
YES! YES! EXACTLY!
WHO CARES?
[ gasps]
I CAN'T
[ gasps for air]
YOU DIDN'T FILL
YOUR SAC, DID YOU?
[ grunting]
W-WE GOT TO
GET OUT OF HERE.
COME! THEY ARE
IN ZE KITCHEN.
WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.
[ grunting]
GO ON WITHOUT ME.
I WON'T TALK--
UNLESS THEY THREATEN TO HURT ME.
THEN I'LL PROBABLY
TELL THEM EVERYTHING.
I-I CAN'T JUST LEAVE YOU HERE.
GET YOUR ROLLING PIN
READY!
[ gasps]
[ gasps again]
SHH!
[ chuckling]
MONSTERS, HUH?
JAC-QUIES, DROPPING A CAKE
IS NO REASON TO MAKE UP STORIES.
IT IS JACQUES, JACQUES!
I AM TELLING YOU, I SAW IT!
SURE YOU DID.
LOOK, I'VE GO
A CATERING HALL TO RUN.
CALL ME WHEN THE MARTIANS LAND.
[ both laughing]
I'M TELLING YOU,
THERE WAS A THING.
HELP ME.
I'M NOT GOING TO
MAKE IT.
[ gasps]
HANG ON.
[ Jacques muttering]
I THOUGHT I SAW SOMETHING.
WELL, I KNOW WHAT I SAW.
[ panting]
DID YOU CHECK
THE SUPPLY ROOM?
NO, LET'S LOOK.
[ inhaling deeply]
[ grunting]
I DON'T MEAN TO INTERRUP
YOUR MONSTER HUN
BUT WEDDINGS ARE SO MUCH
NICER WITH A CAKE!
[ screams]
[ screams]
[ flushing]
[ singing operatically]
HEY, WHAT'S
WITH THE TUNE?
FROM THE SNORCHING.
I CAN'T GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD.
I GUESS I HAD IT COMING, BUT
I STILL CAN'T FIGURE OU
HOW THE GROMBLE KNEW EVERYTHING.
WELL I TOOK YOUR ADVICE
AND WENT TO SEE HIM.
HE THREW ME INTO THAT MACHINE.
SAW THE WHOLE THING.
WHAT DID HE SAY?
CLASS STARTS PROMPTLY
AT MIDNIGH
AND I BETTER NO
MISS EVEN ONE.
CLASS? HE LET YOU IN?
HERE?
HE SAID I HAD
REAL POTENTIAL.
YOW! THIS IS GREAT,
THIS IS GREAT.
WE CAN STUDY TOGETHER
UH, CAN'T, DETENTION.
H-H-HOW ABOUT TOMORROW?
A SNORCHING.
NEXT WEEK?
DETENTION, A SNORCHING
AND A WALK THROUGH
A FIELD OF DAISIES.
OOH, THAT DAISY THING IS TOUGH.
YEAH, BUT IT'LL
BE WORTH IT.
YEAH. WELL, MM.
I-I-I BETTER GET GOING.
I, I GOT STUDYING TO DO.
SURE, OKAY.
ICKIS?
YEAH?
THANKS FOR EVERYTHING
YOU DID FOR ME.
YOU'RE A TOUGH
LITTLE GUY.
HMM.
OH, I IT WAS NOTHING.
[ chuckling]
SEE YOU IN CLASS.
IN CLASS?
YEAH
I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT.
[ howling]
KEEP IT DOWN, I'LL
FEED YOU IN A MINUTE.
YOU KNOW I AM KIND
OF HUNGRY MYSELF.
Krumm:
YEAH, LET'S RAID
THE REFRIGERATOR.
MMM, BUTTER TRAY.
[ cackling]
AH, FANBELT!
YOU GONNA EA
THAT LAST RACK?
BE MY GUEST.
[ chomping]
[ roaring]
LOOK!
[ clanking]
Krumm:
MMM, GUNK!
CARE FOR A SWIM?
DON'T MIND IF I DO.
[ both giggling]
[ both squealing with delight]
GUNK BROTHERS
FOREVER!
[ laughing]
I LOVE GUNK.
SO DOES FIDO.
[ giggling]
HERE, BOY.
[ giggling]
[ slurps]
LIFE IS GOOD.
YOU MEAN
LIFE WASGOOD.
WE GOT TO GET BACK TO SCHOOL.
SCREECH.
[ screeching]
SNARL.
[ snarling]
SHLORP.
[ all shlorping]
SHLOOMPLE.
[ guffawing]
VERY GOOD,
THERE IS NO SHLOOMPLE.
NOW, LET'S MOVE ON TO
THE MORE ADVANCED SKILL
OF TRANSFORMATION.
OBLINA WILL DEMONSTRATE.
OBLINA?
NOW, THE FIRST THING
TO REMEMBER
MAKE HIM
ROLL OVER.
FIDO, ROLL OVER,
BOY, COME ON.
OKAY, BOY, NOW PLAY DEAD.
NOW, FETCH!
[ Fido panting]
[ laughing]
Gromble:ICKIS!
DO I AMUSE YOU?
[ giggling]:
YES.
NO, I MEAN NO.
OF COURSE NOT.
OH, YOU'RE NO
AMUSING AT ALL.
UNLESS
YOU WANT TO BE.
THEN YOU'RE
VERY AMUSING.
YOU'RE DOWNRIGH
HYSTERICAL.
AS I WAS SAYING!
THE KEY TO
A PROPER TRANSFORMATION
IS TO REACH DEEP INSIDE.
THINK UGLY, GE
A GOOD GRIP AND PULL.
[ squishing]
ABSOLUTELY VILE, OBLINA.
WELL DONE, WELL DONE,
WELL DONE.
NOW, HOW ABOUT THE RES
OF YOU SCAB-SCRATCHERS?
BLOB, GIVE IT A GO.
WE'LL COME
BACK TO YOU.
[ chomping]
WHO'S CHEWING GUM?
NOT US.
NOT US.
GUM, GET BACK TO
YOUR SEAT, WON'T YOU?
ONE MORE INFRACTION AND
I'LL HAVE TO SEPARATE YOU TWO.
[ imitating Gromble]:
RUB EACH OTHER ALL
INTO LITTLE PIECES.
THAT'S IT! NEW SEATS, LET'S GO!
I WON'T HAVE YOU
DISRUPTING CLASS!
SNUFF, WHY DON'T YOUSHOW US
A TRANSFORMATION?
ICKIS, KRUMM!
YOU CAN'T STAND TO BE SEPARATED.
PERHAPS YOU'D PREFER TO BE
JOINED TOGETHER PERMANENTLY?
YEAH.
YEAH, OKAY.
ABSOLUTELY.
SURE.
GOOD GET DOWN HERE!
KRUMM, REACH DOWN INTO YOUR
MOUTH AND GIVE IT A GOOD YANK.
Gromble:ICKIS
LEND KRUMM A HAND.
ALL RIGHT.
[ gurgling and spluttering]
WELL, WHAT HAVE WE HERE?
KRUMM, ICKIS
OR IS IT KRICKIS?
[ all gasp]
WHOA.
THIS IS COOL.
WELL, LOOKS LIKE YOU TWO
WILL BE SPENDING
EVEN MORE TIME TOGETHER.
SHOULD BE INTERESTING.
[ guffawing in vile way]
CLASS DISMISSED!
[ Ickis and Krumm
speaking simultaneously]
Krumm:
THIS WAY.
Ickis:
NO, THAT WAY.
YOU WANT MY LEG
TO BEND BACKWARDS?
MIGHT HELP.
ALL RIGHT,
STOP, STOP!
LET US GET THIS
TOGETHER, SHALL WE?
I STEP ON ONE,
YOU STEP ON TWO.
ONE
TWO
ONE
TWO
ONE
TWO
ONE
TWO
ONE
TWO
ONE
TWO
[ both continue chanting
"one, two, one, two"]
I'M BEAT.
LET ME TAKE THOSE EYES
OFF YOUR HANDS.
I FEEL LIKE A NEW MONSTER.
WE ARE ONE.
[ sniffs]
HEY, I SMELL
AS PUTRID AS YOU.
EXCELLENT!
AND I'M FUZZY.
I DON'T LIKE
BEING FUZZY.
BUT I CAN WHINE.
BEST OF ALL, THE GROMBLE
CAN NEVER SEPARATE US AGAIN.
[ both laughing]
[ growling]
[ screaming]
[ crowd screaming]
[ giggling]:
WE SCARED
THE PANTS OFF THEM.
EXCELLENT.
[ monsters
cheering]
YOU'RE DOING QUITE WELL,
KRICKIS.
LET'S SEE YOU KEEP IT UP.
[ laughing
in a most putrid way]
HEY, ICKIS, YOU WAN
TO GIVE ME A HAND?
I CAN'T LIFT US BOTH.
I JUST THOUGHT I'D DO
A LITTLE READING.
[ clanking]
KRUMM
I CAN'T READ.
SORRY JUST
GET TWO MORE.
[ food squelching
in slimy way]
MMM, SLOPPY SLUGS.
UM, I DON'T WAN
SLOPPY SLUGS.
THEY GIVE ME HIVES.
WHAT ABOU
LEECHES AND CREAM?
I HATE 'EM.
MOLDY CHEESE?
NO.
STALE TUNA?
NO.
OLD RUBBER BANDS?
NO.
WE'LL HAVE
THE SLOPPY SLUGS.
[ gulping] YUMMY!
[ slurps]
NO!
[ gagging]
[ screams]
MMM, I'M DEFINITELY
GONNA WANT TO HAVE SECONDS.
OKAY, READY?
ON THE COUN
OF THREE.
ONE
TWO
THREE.
[ Ickis screaming,
Krumm groaning]
OH, THAT'S MORE EXERCISE
THAN I'VE HAD ALL YEAR.
I'M EXHAUSTED!
I SLEEP ON MY BACK.
I SLEEP ON MY BELLY.
BACK.
BELLY.
BACK.
BELLY.
BACK.
BELLY.
BACK.
BELLY.
BACK.
Clock [ yelling]:
WAKE UP!
[ yawns]
THANKS TO YOUR ROLLATHON
I DID NOT GET ONE WINK
OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT!
IT WAS HIS FAULT!
NO, IT WAS HIS.
WAS NOT!
WAS TOO.
WAS NOT!
WAS TOO.
WAS NOT!
QUIET!
NO, YOU BE QUIET.
YOU BE QUIETER
PLUS ONE.
YOU BE QUIETER PLUS TEN.
Ickis:
OKAY, I'LL SPIN MY HEAD
AND SCREECH
AND YOU POP
AN EYE OUT AND
KRUMM?
KRUMM,
ARE YOU SLEEPING?
ME? NO WAY,
I'M WITH YOU.
WHAT DID I JUST SAY?
YOU SAID YOU'D SPIN
YOUR HEAD AND SCREECH
AND I
I DO SOMETHING ELSE.
SOUNDS GOOD, LET'S GO.
[ snoring]
ICKIS?
ICKIS, WAKE UP!
I WASN'T SLEEPING,
I'M READY.
IF YOU'RE READY,
WHAT'LL WE DO?
I DON'T KNOW! THERE'S
WAY TOO MANY KIDS IN HERE.
WE'LL NEVER BE ABLE
TO SURPRISE THEM.
BUT IF I COME FROM HERE
AND YOU COME FROM THERE
EXCELLENT IDEA.
BUT HOW DO YOU SUGGES
WE DO THAT?
OH, YEAH, I FORGOT.
IF ONLY
[ snoring]
[ sleepily]:
KRUMM.
[ machinery chuffing]
[ slopping]
[ creaking]
[ horn blowing]
[ chuffing]
[ squelching]
EW! LOOK AT THIS ONE.
IT'S A REJECT!
[ giggling]
[ both screaming]
MOCKED BY CHILDREN.
THIS IS
AN ALL-TIME LOW.
YOU BLEW IT.
EXCUSE ME,
YOUBLEW IT.
I GUESS I NEED NOT ASK
HOW YOUR SCARE WENT.
WELL, IF YOU HAD STUCK
TO OUR PLAN
OUR PLAN STUNK.
WE'RE ONLY
ONE MONSTER
WHAT WERE WE
SUPPOSED TO DO?
I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU.
WELL, I'M NOT TALKING
TO YOU, EITHER.
I BELIEVE YOU TWO
HAVE BEEN SPENDING
TOO MUCH TIME TOGETHER.
OBLINA,
TELL HIM I WANT OUT.
ICKIS, KRUMM WANTS OUT.
TELL HIM GOOD RIDDANCE.
ICKIS SAYS
"GOOD RIDDANCE."
I HEARD HIM.
[ both growling]
HMM, AS I SEE IT,
YOU HAVE TWO CHOICES.
EITHER YOU CAN GO SEE
THE GROMBLE
OR, YOU CAN LEAVE IT TO ME.
[ Ickis screaming]
Gromble:
COME IN, KRICKIS.
WHAT CAN I DO
FOR YOU?
Both:
WELL
YOU AREN'T BY ANY CHANCE
HAVING TROUBLE?
UM
THAT WOULD
BE SUCH A TRAGEDY
TO SEE YOU TWO
GOOD, CLOSE FRIENDS
COMING APART AT THE
YOU'VE GO
TO SEPARATE US!
THE QUICKER THE BETTER.
GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON.
HE SMELLS.
HE WHINES.
NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
WE CAN'T WORK TOGETHER
IF WE ARETOGETHER.
YEAH, TWO MONSTERS
ARE BETTER THAN ONE.
BESIDES, I MISS BEING
MY OWN MONSTER.
GET HIM OFF OF ME!
NOW, NOW, NOW,
NO REASON TO BE IMPOLITE.
SAY, "PRETTY PLEASE
WITH SPRINKLED WARTS
AND DUNG BEETLES ON TOP"!
PRETTY PLEASE, WITH SPRINKLED
WARTS AND DUNG BEETLES ON TOP.
GOOD-- SEPARATION IS A VERY
SIMPLE PROCESS, REALLY.
KRUMM, YOU DO THIS.
ICKIS, YOUR HAND HERE.
LITTLE PULL, LITTLE PUSH
AND VOILA.
NO, NO, NO, THIS IS ALL WRONG.
SHALL WE TRY AGAIN?
NOW, JUST REACH INTO YOUR
MOUTH TO THE LEFT AND PULL.
[ roaring and groaning]
PERFECT.
I THINK.
AHH! GOOD TO BE BACK
IN MY OLD SKIN.
YEAH, YOU'RE
A NICE PLACE TO VISI
BUT I WOULDN'
WANT TO LIVE THERE.
TOO MUCH OF
A PUTRID THING.
ICKIS, WANT TO RAID
THE REFRIGERATOR?
GREAT-- I HAVE A CRAVING
FOR ICE TRAYS.
MAYBE WE SHOULD
DO IT TOMORROW.
GOOD IDEA.
OR MAYBE IN A WEEK.
BETTER MUCH BETTER.
[ Gromble coughs]
GENTLEMEN
[Captioning sponsored
by NICKELODEON
and THE U.S. DEPARTMEN
OF EDUCATION]
[Captioned by
The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation]