Agatha Raisin (2016) s01e08 Episode Script

1 (Scream) (Big Ben chimes) (Low conversation) (Coughing and conversation) What did you get one with a dodgy wheel for'? (Overlapping voices) Budge up, Lizzie, darling.
Give us some room.
Don't mess with the covers.
You're making me cold! (Other voices in background) MAN: They've done it.
Well, look at this.
What'? Nothing.
(Siren in background) Hooray! (Laughter) OK.
Gather round.
To you four beautiful people here.
- My friends.
- Aww.
Can I just say that I am happier now than I have ever been'? Living here! And a lot of that is down to you.
And James? And James.
(Laughs) This has been an amazing hen party.
Whoo! Aggie, your carriage awaits.
Gemma, take over.
There we go.
You got her.
You got her.
- Oi.
- Come here.
I just want to say, the only thing that could - make me any happier - Hurry up, mate.
- is - He's a barrel of laughs! if you and Bill got together.
I don't think it's going to happen.
Aww.
Bill likes you more than he likes Mum.
And that is entirely understandable.
No, it's not! (Laughs) I think he's probably over me by now.
Gemma, make sure she gets her beauty sleep.
She's going to need it after tonight.
Roy, not even that facetious little remark is going to ruin my happiness.
Oh, I say.
Bye, Bill.
Are you going to be all right'? That's what you do, isn't it'? Cheerio.
- Come on, Bill.
- (Groans) - Away! - Which way'? That way.
(Bells ringing) - Morning, Sarah.
- Oh, good morning.
Morning.
- The flowers are gorgeous.
- Really beautiful.
Thank you.
Arranged by Juliet and the Ladies' Committee.
- I'm very grateful.
- Sarah did most of it herself.
Agatha wanted to bring in an expensive London florist but we told her this was one event she was not going to PR.
- Shall we'? - Let's.
- See you later.
- See you later.
- OK'? - Yeah.
WAGNER: Bridal Chorus Oi! Is Agatha Raisin getting married today? Yes, and I'm late.
- Are you invited? - I wouldn't think so.
I'm the last person she'll want to see.
James and Agatha.
If either of you know of any impediment why you may not lawfully be joined in matrimony, you must confess it now.
(Door opens) BILL: Stop! - (Rattling) This has to stop! I cannot let this continue! Bill'? What are you doing'? Jez, you can't go on with this.
Agatha, you're making a huge mistake! Bill, stop it.
I know you've had a crush on me since I arrived in the village and while I value you as a friend This isn't about me.
It's about him.
Who's he'? Agatha's husband.
(Shocked gasps) (Groans) Jimmy? I thought you said he was dead.
I thought he was dead.
We never did get round to getting divorced, did we, Aggie'? How much money do you want'? Well, there's my emotional distress, isn't there, and my bus fare back to London.
- 50 quid? - That'll do.
Each.
What's happened, Mr Harvey'? Agatha's husband turned up.
Where's the nearest off-license, then, squire? Well, that's my place, but I'm not selling you any liquor.
Well, where's the nearest offy that's not your place? Ancombe.
Some good news, Aggie.
Jimmy's agreed to a quickie divorce.
And as soon as that's done, you're free to go through the whole thing again.
How long do you think it'll take'? However long it takes, you're not going to be marrying me, Agatha.
- Oh, don't be so silly.
- I'm not being silly.
OTHERS: Yes, you are.
It took a lot to get me here today.
Because I believe that marriage should be based on trust.
How can I ever trust you again, Agatha? You embarrassed us in front of everyone.
I'm sorry.
I genuinely thought I don't want to hear it! Stay at Gemma's.
- (Chattering) - (Bicycle bell) - (Exhales heavily) - (Knock at door) ' Aggie.
- Mm? - Are you awake'? - Yeah.
We brought you some extra tissues, just in case.
Thank you.
And some Jaffa Cakes.
What am I going to do, Gem'? (Ducks quacking) Hello, Karen.
Hello.
Are you after a cup of sugar? No.
No.
No.
Erml wondered if you'd maybe had doubts about your move here.
And if you would consider selling my cottage back to me.
Oh, I see.
I was wondering on the off-chance if you were maybe regretting your move and I'm not regretting it.
I'm sorry, Agatha.
L was lonely in London and I love the feel of it here.
Like tomorrow night there's the barn dance at the village hall.
- Are you going'? - Er, yeah.
Probably.
L hear that Charles Fraith is doing the calling.
And he's a bit gorgeous and worth a bob or two.
Mm.
Morning, SEXY! What do you want now'? I thought you'd gone.
I've run out of money, haven%I? Really? Have you'? Well, you're getting nothing from me.
I'll have to stick around in the village, then, wont I'? Why are you doing this, Jimmy? You ruined my life once.
Why are you trying to do it again'? If you don't give me money every week, I'm gonna stick around! That's what I've decided! I ain't going anywhere, Aggie! Get off my bike! Get off me! - I'm your husband! - Not any more! Leave me alone! (Siren) Mrs Agatha Raisin? Yes.
I'm arresting you on suspicion of the murder of your husband, Jimmy Raisin.
Are you mad'? She was seen assaulting him, Mrs Bloxby, right where he was killed.
Jimmy's dead'? A Mrs Karen Hardy saw a heated argument between you and the victim, which ended in an assault this morning.
Mrs Hardy apologises, but she had to report it.
Well, it's true.
He was asking for money.
I got angry and I whacked him.
- And was that all'? - Yes.
He must have hit his head.
I didn't think to look back and check that he was all right.
(Door opens) What are you doing here'? I was arrested at Bristol Airport On my way to Cyprus.
And our honeymoon villa.
The police think I killed Jimmy.
I'm not sure that they do.
I think they're going to let us out in a bit.
- But I hit him and he fell.
- That's not what killed him.
They told me that Jimmy was strangled.
And there were boot prints around the body.
That's why they thought I was involved.
Well, who would want to strangle Jimmy? Only us.
Hi.
I'm looking for a guy called Jimmy Raisin.
- No idea.
Ask Lizzie.
- Thanks.
Hi, I was wondering if I could ask you some questions about Jimmy Raisin? Thank you for getting us out of jail.
(Mobile phone rings) It's Roy.
Well, your Jimmy had a reputation for being a bit of a rascal.
He'd find stuff out about people like they were claiming housing benefit while sleeping rough and then blackmail them to take a cut of the money.
Had he been on the streets long'? Yeah, but about four years ago he got taken up by a homeless charity run b y a woman called Mrs Gore-Appleton and whisked off to Hunter's House.
What's Hunter's House? It's a posh drying-out clinic.
Did it work'? No, he was back on the South Bank within a year.
OK.
Thanks, Roy.
- Always a pleasure.
- Mind out! Was he homeless when you were dating him'? No.
He wasn't homeless.
He was handsome and funny and I knew that he drank but you tend to think the best of people, don't you, when you're 20'? I have to go.
Charles, will you take your very generous wedding present with you'? I'm sure you can get a refund.
I think I'm going to wait a while before I do that.
Just a hunch.
(Door opens and shuts) Are you thinking of staying the night'? Look at this.
Hunter's House.
It's only a couple of miles away.
- So'? - So, it means that Jimmy was in this area four years ago.
Do you think that's a coincidence? Maybe.
Well, maybe we should go there tomorrow and make an inquiry about a booking or something.
We could try and find an address for this Mrs Gore-Appleton woman.
She might be able to fill us in on Jimmy's time there.
I've tried to find her address, but the charity seems to have folded.
OK.
We'll do that first thing tomorrow.
OK.
I'll set up the spare room for you.
You can go back to Gemma's after the barn dance.
- (Door shuts) - (Tuts) (Birdsong) Our fees here, for 24-hour individually tailored rehab, are three and a half thousand pounds a week.
Could I ask for whom you're inquiring? Yes, it's for my friend here.
She's a hopeless alcoholic.
Yes, I am.
She displays all the chronic symptoms: she's a liar; she lets people down; and you can't trust her as far as you can throw her.
(Whispers) I understand.
An old drinking buddy of hers, Jimmy Raisin, received some treatment here a few years ago.
I remember.
I wonder if you have a contact number for him, or for the charity that paid for his treatment, run by a Mrs Gore-Appleton, I believe.
Yes.
I'd just like to get in touch with him, so that I know what to expect.
I'm afraid we don't give out any personal information.
But let me show you the premises.
Thank you.
Mornings begin with breakfast in the canteen - Look! - .
.
which we nicknamed "Sobriety Central".
What does breakfast consist of'? Oops! Gore-Appleton (Camera shutter sound effect) Well, no-one with the name Gore-Appleton has ever lived at the address she gave the clinic.
Well, what about the offices of her old charity? It's now a minicab firm.
The woman's vanished into thin air.
Or never existed.
AGATHA: OK, well, thanks, Roy.
(Sighs) We could always check out some of the others at the clinic at the same time.
They might know something about her.
Where's that list'? What about Sir Desmond and Lady Derrington'? OK.
I hope you enjoy the rest of the day.
Thank you for your advice.
Oh, James Look at this sweet little flower.
Sneezeweed.
Not my favourite, but Her-in-Charge likes a splash of colour.
It's a very beautiful garden.
It gives me something to do after I left the Guards.
I'm recently decommissioned from the Cavalry.
Ah, do you know Tim Simmonds? Excellent chap.
Very well indeed.
Look, ermstay for a glass of something afterwards.
And erbring your little Scottie friend, eh'? Are you local, Captain Lacey'? - No.
- Yes.
Well, which is it'? Well, my little Scottie friend is hoping to be local soon.
Yes.
She's a hopeless alcoholic, you see.
Untrustworthy.
Her life a tissue of crippling lies.
And I was thinking of checking her into Hunter's House to clean her up.
I hear from people who've been there that it's very expensive.
I hope you don't find me rude, but I had heard that you had been there yourself.
- Good gracious, no.
- Oh It's just that a friend of ours, Jimmy Raisin, had said that he had met you both there.
Don't be absurd.
You were there four years ago'? September? Well, your friend Raisin is obviously still drunk, because we haven't set foot inside the place.
- He's lying! - I know he's lying! He must have been there with another woman, some girlfriend.
Well, maybe we should come back when the wife's not around and question him.
Oh, no! I'm sick of scum like you and Raisin! - Fair enough! - We're just leaving! You'll get no more money out of me! Do you hear'? Crystal clear! - Step on it! Step on it! - I'm stepping on it.
What are you doing'? I'm writing a list of suspects.
Is that a permanent marker'? No, it's not a permanent marker.
Right.
Who have we got'? Sir Desmond Derrington.
He was angry enough with us for even mentioning Jimmy.
Well, I know.
So what could he have done to Jimmy himself if he'd tried getting more money out of him'? - Anyone else'? - No.
That's it.
It's got to be him.
This must be your record.
- One suspect.
24 hours.
- (Chuckles) We are an excellent team.
(Knock at door) - Agatha.
- Yes'? Mrs Agatha Raisin? Yes.
Did you visit Sir Desmond Derrington this afternoon? How do you know that'? - His wife told us.
- I'll handle this.
His wife told us.
She saw him threaten you and asked him for the truth about his trip to Hunter's House.
And after he confessed about his extra-sexual activity, she told him to sling his hook.
And he turned his gun on himself as he sat in the car.
- (Gasps) - Oh, God.
Maybe he shot himself out of guilt.
Jimmy had already blackmailed him before and we think he was trying to do it again.
- We thought of that too.
- Yeah.
Did we'? Yes.
But Lady Derrington said he was with her all yesterday preparing the garden for the open day, so it couldn't have been him.
(Band plays) And forwards.
And back.
Forwards, turn left.
And twizzle Ladies on a spit.
- And polka with your partner.
- (Groans) Are you ready to go round again'? So have you found this Fiona Gore-Appleton woman'? No.
Not yet.
The woman seems to have disappeared as completely as her dodgy charity.
Or she's changed her name.
- (Music ends) - (Cheering and clapping) Bill.
My mum asks if you'd like to dance.
Er I said I'd get Charles another beer.
Sorry.
Ladies and gentlemen, the next dance is The Flying Scotsman.
(Cheering) Three sets of couples, longwise.
Gentlemen, keep the band on your left, ladies on the right.
- Now I'll hand you over to Jim.
- Thanks, Charles.
Ladies I think this Fiona Gore-Appleton woman could be living locally.
Ah, who cares'? Think about it, Gem.
Jimmy arrives in the village and he recognises her.
If she's got something to hide, Jimmy could have been blackmailing her.
So she kills him.
You're just in a mood cos James is dancing with the newbie.
No, I'm not.
I'd really like to kiss Bill, you know'? Gemma, can you concentrate? I think I'm onto something here.
We knew nothing about these two newbies that have arrived in the village three or four weeks ago.
Karen Hardy and The pretty one dancing with James.
How do we know they are who they say they are'? (Music drowns out speech) (Music drowns out speech) James.
I need to talk to you.
Do you mind'? - Forget about that a minute.
- I can't.
What do we know about Juliet and Karen'? - Well - Nothing.
- Nothing.
- Exactly.
Well, I think that this Fiona Gore-Appleton could be living right under our noses.
We need to find out if these women are who they say they are.
How do we do that'? - Well - Oh, no, you have a plan.
I can't believe you talked me into this.
Thankfully Juliet left the window open.
And Karen hadn't changed my locks.
What are we looking for'? Passports, gas bills, anything official with her name on it.
We need to see if she really is Juliet Comfort.
OK.
I'll do the same for Karen Hardy.
We will be back at that dance in no time.
Oh, my God.
What is it'? Agatha? - What have you found? - Nothing.
It's just really odd seeing someone else's furniture in my cottage.
(Band continues to play) Why aren't you dancing'? Right, when one of these newbies leaves, I've get to text Aggie.
Well done.
That was very good.
(Whistling) Charlie, may I have the honour of another dance'? - My pleasure.
- Oh, but Mrs Hardy'? The pleasure would be all mine.
Yes, I suppose it will be.
Forwards and back.
And again.
Link arms, twice round your partner.
Some people find flirting really easy, don't they? Why don't you'? Scared of being rejected, I think.
So are they.
They're just a bit braver about it.
OK, bugger it.
Hey, Bill.
I've been watching you at dances and parties for 15 years new.
I've never actually seen you dance.
- That's because I can't.
- That's rubbish.
Anyone can jiggle about a bit.
No, you know how some people are tone-deaf - and shouldn't sing'? - Oh, like Aggie'? Yeah, like Agatha.
Well, I'm "dance deaf".
When I dance it upsets people.
That's an excuse.
You're dancing with me.
No, I'm all right.
Seriously, I'm all right.
No, I don't want to dance with you, Gem! - Sorry, I didn't mean - It's all right.
I didn't mean that.
It's so tidy.
She seems to have put everything away.
Oh, hang on.
"The New House".
Well, I have got a load of bills and they're all in the name of Karen Hardy.
Well, that puts her in the clear.
I shall see you back at the dance.
- Oh, my.
- What? Agatha, you are not going to believe this.
Nothing like a barn dance to get you going, don't you find'? Wait till we're inside.
I can't.
I can't.
Oh, Charles - Juliet - Charles - Charles.
- What? Someone's burgling my house.
Wait here.
- (Door opens) - She's coming in! Hey! Stop there! James? (Alarm) Hey! (Squeaky toys) Stop! Stop! - (Squeaky toys) - (Squeaky toys) - Hey, stop! James, what's happening'? I'm being chased.
By Who? - Charles.
- James? What were you doing in there? James? - Agatha? - Charles? - It's Agatha.
- (Panting) Juliet's not who she says she is.
All of the stuff en the sale of her house is in the name of Patricia Gadd.
And if she's changed her name once She could have done it before.
Oh, she's not the murderer, is she'? I quite fancied her.
- Juliet, can we have a word'? - No, I have to go.
Sorry.
Where are you going'? There were people in my house.
I don't feel safe staying here.
Juliet, you cannot run away from this.
- Hey! - Hey! - Patricia! - Juliet! - Juliet! - Fiona! You were right, Aggie.
I spoke to a friend of mine in the Met and they've been after Gore-Appleton for a while.
She'd get huge donations for her charity, but just pocket the money.
Her only project seemed to be Jimmy Raisin, who she took up with for a while.
I've got to go! Imagine Juliet's shock when she saw Jimmy turning up for our wedding.
The one person in the world who could identify her.
What are the chances of that? Well, not high.
But don't you think that chance governs the world.
Whether we're here or not, who we fall in love with.
I mean, what are the odds of you and I sitting here right now'? I mean, think about it, what if my parents hadn't met, or your parents hadn't met each other, or their parents hadn't gone to the same dance and then plucked up the courage to talk to each other? All of these chance meetings have ended up here right now with us.
I'm so sorry that I didn't son out my first marriage properly and that I put you through that.
Thank you.
Jimmy was so long ago that it almost feels like he never existed.
And I feel like I didn't really exist, until I met you.
Give us a kiss.
(Vehicle draws up) (Rumble of engine) (Crunch of footsteps as vehicle roars off) It's getting hot in here.
Yes, it is.
WOMAN: James! MAN: James! James, are you in there? WOMAN: James! - James! James.
(Urgent knocking) Who the hell's that'? Just ignore them.
MAN: You've got to get out! (Shouting continues) I'd better go.
Oh! (Coughing) Get out! James, are you in there? Did you see anyone in the surrounding area'? No.
Nothing else at all.
We were just on our way home.
Are you sure you have somewhere to stay the night? - Yes.
Sarah's putting us up.
- Thank you.
Thank you for raising the alarm.
Well, I heard a car race off, so I looked out of the window.
What colour of car was it'? Blue.
Are you all right'? James.
I won't be a minute.
Oh, I feel a bit overwhelmed by everything.
Yeah, I bet.
And I keep thinking about Jimmy and Oh, I know he was a complete pain in the neck, but he didn't deserve to meet someone like that, did he'? No.
And I feel as if I want to know a little bit more about him.
OK.
And I feel guilty for not grieving for him.
And And ldidn't stay in touch.
There's no need to feel guilty, Agatha.
I know, I know.
But first loves, Bill.
They stay with you.
It's a powerful thing.
RADIO: DC Wong, come in.
Yes'? The suspect has been apprehended on the motorway.
OK, thank you.
They've picked up Juliet Comfort on the M4.
She was heading for Heathrow.
"Juliet Comfort" Why call yourself Juliet Comfort? It felt like a happy name.
Ah But is Juliet Comfort a happier name than Fiona Gore-Appleton'? Well, that's an irrelevant question, really, Chief Inspector.
What actually is your name'? Patricia Gadd.
I've never heard the name Fiona Gore-Appleton.
But why change your name at all'? Because I wanted to disappear? - From the police'? - From my husband.
Who isabusive.
He's a hedge funder in the City and he said if l ever left him he would hunt me down.
So I squirreled some money away and planned a new life somewhere quiet.
I think that man burgling my cottage last night - What man'? - .
.
was working for him.
I think he's tracked me down.
So that's why I ran away last night.
(Gentle strumming on guitar) I can't believe Jimmy ended up here.
I can't believe you wanted to come here.
But if you insist on having closure Ah She's over here.
Lizzie Oh, hello.
Hi, erm, this is Jimmy's wife.
He used to call me his little wife.
I didn't know he was married.
A very long time ago.
Are you sad he's gone'? - Yeah.
- And me.
It's lonely without Jimmy.
Did he leave anything behind'? Any belongings or anything'? That's his worldly goods.
- Oh.
- Ooh.
- What's in there? - Er A photo of a girl with brown hair.
That's me.
Oh, give over.
Ohhe kept it all these years.
These clippings are all articles that mention you, including the profile piece saying you're the best PR in the country.
Another photo.
- That definitely isn't you.
- Oh, hang on.
- Um, "Me and Fiona".
- Fiona Gore-Appleton Well, that's Karen Hardy.
This is the woman who bought my cottage! Are the insurance people still in your cottage? Oh, I'm not going to be able to get in for a few days.
Well, if you fancy some lunch, I'm about to make a salad.
That'd be really nice, thank you.
DC Bill Wong, please.
Well, could you please get a message to him'? So, what made you move here'? I wanted to be pan of a community.
And you'll think this is a bit silly, but when I saw the property, I saw you were next door.
Surely you knew why Agatha was selling? You knew we were getting married'? You're not any more.
If you lay the table, I'll go and change out of this old thing.
- Then we can have lunch.
- I should go, really.
Oh, don't be silly.
You're perfectly safe.
I'm sure I can resist you.
(She hums) Where are your knives and forks? You don't keep your cutlery where Agatha did.
Under the sink.
What do you think? I got it at the boutique in Stow.
You knew Jimmy.
Are you Fiona? Fiona was just a name for the charity.
Did you know you were buying the cottage from Jimmy's wife'? No.
I thought her surname was a coincidence.
And I liked the symmetry of it.
I couldn't believe it when he turned up.
And when he started demanding money, well I was not going to have that.
I'm going to phone the police.
Of course.
I'd have let that fire burn if the vicar and his wife hadn't walked past.
Stay where you are.
(Distant siren) Stop right there! Just stop there! Stop right there! You're under arrest! (Shouting) Get off me! - Take her.
- Get off me! Hey, mister, your taxi awaits.
- How's the concussion? - Better.
Good.
I'm under very strict instructions from the nurse.
The first sign of wooziness, I'm to bring you straight back here.
I don't feel like going to Jez and Sarah's.
L feel like going to Cyprus as the villa's still free.
- Get some sun.
- Good idea.
Well, I'm sure I could get us flights by this evening.
I want to go on my own, Agatha.
Um, do some thinking.
OK.
Well, if you want me to join you at any time, just text.
Let's just give it some time.
Mm.
Morning, Agatha.
Morning.
What time is James' flight? - I don't know.
- Yes, you do.
Ten past three.
If he goes to Cyprus alone, he's going to sit there and find a reason not to get back with you.
No, he won't.
He's been a bachelor for years, Agatha.
His head is full of excuses to not be in a serious relationship.
It's his default position.
I should know.
If you're lucky enough to have found someone you really like, you have to persist.
Get on that plane.
There's a girl over there who really, really likes you.
And who I know that you really like too.
So stop finding excuses not to give her a chance.
Because she's special.
And so are you.
JEZ: Hymn number 272: Love Divine, All Loves Excelling.
Love divine, all loves excelling Joy of heaven, to earth come down Fix in us thy humble dwelling All thy faithful mercies crown (Exhales) (Church bells ring)