Animaniacs (2020) s01e08 Episode Script


[THEME SONG PLAYING]
It's time for Animaniacs! ♪
And we're zany to the max ♪
So just sit back and relax ♪
You'll laugh till you collapse ♪
We're Animaniacs! ♪
- Come join the Warner Brothers ♪
- And the Warner Sister Dot ♪
Just for fun, we run around
the Warner movie lot ♪
They lock us in the tower
whenever we get caught ♪
But we break loose and then vamoose
and now you know the plot ♪
We're Animaniacs ♪
Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪
Wakko packs away the snacks ♪
Our careers have made comebacks ♪
We're Animaniacs! ♪
Meet Pinky and the Brain
who want to rule the universe ♪
A brand new cast who tested well
in focus group research ♪
Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪
And ethnically diverse ♪
The trolls will say we're so passé,
but we did meta first ♪
We're Animaniacs ♪
You should see our new contracts ♪
We're zany to the max,
there's baloney in our slacks ♪
We're animan-ey, totally insane-y ♪
Illegal in Bahrain-y ♪
Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[♪♪♪]
[TRANQUIL MUSIC]
[SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING CONTINUES]
[GRUNT, SCREAMING]
[BANGING]
[SCREAMING]
Wakko! Stop screaming!
[SCREAMING CONTINUES]
[CLICKING, SCREAMING GETS QUIETER]
[INAUDIBLE]
W-what'd he say? Yakko,
turn it back up.
[CLICK]
[BEEP]
- [SPEAKS SPANISH]
Ooh! Should we do the rest
of this episode in Spanish?
No. My accent is
moo-wee terr-e-blay.
Heh. I better change it back.
[CLICK]
Somebody ate my donuts!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Maple bacon.
Tarragon fried chicken caramel.
Goat cheese and
just a soupcon of mustache cream.
Oh no.
Wakko, were these designer donuts?
Someone must've
snuck in while I was asleep
and eaten them.
DOT: Step back, boys.
This is an active crime scene.
Now, to look for forensic evidence.
Yakko, turn on the black light.
[EDM MUSIC]
Nothing unusual there.
Hm
Okay. I've isolated particulate
matter from the crime scene.
And judging from the crumb spatter,
I'd say these donuts were eaten
in the last eight to twelve hours.
WAKKO: Wait a minute!
Where were you guys last night?
- It wasn't us.
- Yeah.
We had that blind date with those bats.
[BAROQUE MUSIC]
[SCREECH]
[SHATTER]
Oh, I'm sorry.
My echolocation goes into panic mode
every time something comes towards me.
No need to apologize, sir. Some bread?
[SCREECH]
Well,
that's the strongest alibi
I've ever heard.
Consider yourselves lucky.
Because when I find
the person who did this,
I'm gonna turn their faces into
mashed potatoes with butter and gravy.
Oh, man. Mashed potatoes with gravy
was one of the donut flavors.
[CRYING]
Don't worry, Wakko. We'll find out
what happened to your donuts.
- You will?!
- We have to.
We have about eight minutes to fill.
Well, well, well.
Looks like we have a real
who-donut on our hands.
[♪♪♪]
[ZAP]
[SCREAMS]
Worth it.
We need to make a list of suspects!
Ant!
[SNIFFING]
I guess you could say we have a new
"ten-ant."
[CLICK]
[ZAP]
- Listen up, chump.
You got a real problem. And it's me.
[GASPS] Are you suggesting
I'm being defi-ant?
[ZAP]
[SCREAMS] I promise,
no more ant-ics.
[ZAPPING]
[SCREAMING]
I think that's enough pun-ishment.
But, but
[GROANS]
[HEAVENLY MUSIC]
[ZAP]
Come on! We have to follow that ant!
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[CRASH]
[CRASH]
[BUS HORN HONKS]
[SNORING]
ALL: Ralph!
- Ah! Ow!
What-- I--
[STAMMERING]
Did you eat Wakko's donuts?!
Huh? Did ya?!
- Help! No! Wah!
- You lying to me?
- No! Uh [CLEARS THROAT]
I am on the paleo diet!
- What's that?
- I can only eat things
that are shaped like dinosaurs!
I've eaten nothing but these
vitamin gummies for weeks!
[ALARM BEEPING]
[GROANS]
- He's telling the truth.
And to save you on a DNA kit,
it's British all the way back.
[GULPS]
- Well, if you didn't do it, then who did?
Uh
Follow the money.
- Don't get smart with me!
- I couldn't if I wanted to!
[CRYING]
- Poor Ralph. He's just a patsy.
- That's right.
Keyser Soze! Red pill blue pill!
Forget it, Ralph, it's Chinatown!
- What the--
- Have a nice flight!
[BUZZ]
[GASPS]
[YELLING]
[GRUNTS]
[YELLING CONTINUES]
- The only person powerful enough
to keep Ralph quiet
is the CEO!
So, it goes all the way to the top!
Then we're heading
in the wrong direction!
No, we're not!
[♪♪♪]
Look, I don't care that
your girlfriend's new nose
fell into a subway toilet.
We need that rewrite
by the end of the day, or--
We know you ate my donuts!
The only question is,
how high does this thing go?
One moment, please.
[BEEP]
[SPUTTERS, LAUGHS MANIACALLY]
[♪♪♪]
You think--
[SPUTTERS]
I would risk my chance
to make it to the singularity
by eating refined sugar?
[SPUTTERS, LAUGHS MANIACALLY]
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
[CUTS GLASS]
[GLASS SHATTERS]
We're not getting anywhere!
Ah maybe we need to
go back to the beginning.
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
It's time for Animaniacs ♪
No! Stop! Stop!
[THEME STOPS]
I meant the hipster neighborhood
where Wakko bought his donuts,
you dumb whoever you are!
MAN: Okay, fine! And I'm not dumb.
[♪♪♪]
[BELL RINGING]
- We're here!
[THUNDER CRACKS]
Ah!
[SNIFFING]
[PANTING]
DOT: Alright, sister!
Who runs this place? Is it a cult?
A deep state conspiracy?
A group of rogue CIA agents
turned renegade assassins?
Ugh! What?
Which part didn't you hear, hun?
Um, like, all of the part that you said?
YAKKO: You haven't noticed anyone
strange come into the shop
lately, have you?
Uh, this place sells donuts for $6
in an abandoned brass factory,
and we're only open on days it rains.
So, like, everyone who
comes in here is strange.
Uh-huh. Well, anybody come in here
trying to flip some stolen donuts?
We wouldn't buy back our own donuts.
Ew. That'd be gross.
Here's our card.
Call us if you remember anything.
While we're here, I might as well order
two dozen sawdust donuts,
and another dozen of glazed squid ink.
Whatever.
[♪♪♪]
You can charge all of that onto this.
[DOOR BELL RINGING]
I'm only accepting this because my boss
is my super supportive dad,
and I wanna make him angry! For no reason.
[♪♪♪]
He takes a maple bite,
he takes a squid ink bite!
He takes a frosted bite,
he takes all his bites--
Sugar crash positions!
[BOTH INHALE]
- Well, that didn't help him at all.
- Fine.
You be the sugar crash marshal
from now on.
[SNORING]
It's been a long day, sis.
Maybe we should go to bed, too.
Ooh! Can we watch some TV first?
Please?
- Fine.
Let's watch Animaniacs!
[CLICK]
[SNORING]
[BOTH GASP]
[SNORING CONTINUES]
[GROGGY MURMURING]
[CHOMPING]
[BOTH GASP]
Plot twist! Wakko ate his own donuts!
[SNORING]
Ugh. That is so
predictable.
- Predictable.
BOTH: That's what I was gonna say!
It was?
Beef Wellington.
Belgium. My favorite color is
lamppost!
Whoa.
So, what should we do now?
[♪♪♪]
Thanks for letting us pick the place.
- No problem.
- More tea, anyone?
I wanna go home.
[THUNDER CRACKS]
[♪♪♪]
Gee, Brain,
what do you wanna do tonight?
The same thing we do every night, Pinky.
Try to take over the world!
[THUNDER CRACKS]
[PINKY AND THE BRAIN THEME]
They're Pinky and the Brain,
yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪
One is a genius, the other's insane ♪
They're laboratory mice ♪
Their genes have been spliced ♪
They're dinky,
they're Pinky and the Brain ♪
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[♪♪♪]
[TENSE MUSIC]
[SQUEAKING]
[SQUEAKING]
[CLICK, SCREECHING]
[SQUEAKS]
[TRIUMPHANT MUSIC]
And the winner is
mouse J37.
Narf! All my money was on K52.
[STRAINING]
Now, how am I going to buy you
a birthday present? Uh--
I mean, how will
Santa buy your birthday present?
I'm afraid you're a few reindeer
short of a sleigh, Pinky.
Now, to the operating room.
[BEEP]
[♪♪♪]
[SCREECH]
[CLANGING]
As you know, Pinky,
I have been planning to run for President.
But the American people don't
trust politicians who fly solo.
Despite my obvious brilliance,
there's one thing I've overlooked.
My First Lady!
[♪♪♪]
Nancy Reagan's pearls,
Hillary Clinton's pantsuit,
Jackie O's hat.
[GASPS]
Are we doing a spell?
[GASPS] Are we witches now?
- Be quiet, Pinky,
and hand me the final ingredient.
Barbara Bush's memoir,
written from her dog's perspective.
[ELECTRONIC WHIRRING]
[BUBBLING, HISSING]
[TERRIFIED SCREECHING]
[ELECTRIC ZAPPING]
[HUMMING]
[HISSING]
[FOREBODING MUSIC]
[♪♪♪]
Hello, world.
It's an honor to be here.
BRAIN: Wonderful.
J37, from the moment I set eyes on you,
20 minutes ago,
I wanted to edit your DNA
against your will,
and ask you one question.
Will you be my First Lady?
Yay!
[ROMANTIC MUSIC]
Hm.
Fine, but I am changing my name to Julia,
keeping my own bank account,
and I already told my parents
we'd go to their place
for Thanksgiving. [HAUGHTY CHUCKLE]
Hm. Perhaps a tad
too much Hillary Clinton.
How romantic!
Alright. Pay attention. Here is my plan.
- What's all this?
- Oh! Are you wedding planning?
Brain, I don't mean to be dramatic,
but if I'm not your best man,
it will literally kill me!
No, and stop interrupting me!
Oh dear. Someone's being a bridezilla.
Are you finished?
I have scientifically analyzed
the shortest and most
assured path to the Presidency.
And from there, world domination.
The first step, running for Senate.
There's a special election
this month in Iowa,
into which I will swoop and win
as a charismatic dark horse.
Now that I have Julia by my side,
all I need do is show
the average Joe that I care.
[PATRIOTIC MUSIC]
Uh. Uh. Um No.
Ugh!
[CRYING]
[BABY GURGLING HAPPILY]
[SHUTTER SNAP]
That I'm just like them.
[WHIRRING]
Ah!
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
[SHUTTER SNAP]
This is it, Pinky.
In just a few moments,
I'll be announced Senator!
Well, folks,
with all districts reporting,
the winner is
Julia Brain.
[HAUGHTY LAUGH]
What?
[CHEERING]
How is this possible?!
CROWD: Julia! Julia!
Julia received 97%
of all votes cast as a write-in.
In second place,
another write-in for "Updog."
What's Updog?
CROWD: Julia! Julia!
BRAIN: I can't believe
I didn't get a single vote!
They wrote her in, and wrote me out!
Well, at least you're married
to the most popular candidate
in America.
- Wait a minute.
Pinky, that's it!
Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
I think so, Brain, but do
we really want to taste the Rockies?
There are so many moose up there.
No, Pinky. Julia should be President,
while I'm the Svengali behind the scenes.
Like Dick Cheney, Rasputin,
or that Svengali chap
whose name eludes me.
Yes.
[CHUCKLES]
A fidget spinner factory
in America's heartland,
the perfect place to begin
your Presidential campaign.
I must say, Brain, I-I thought
you would be more upset. I
I know how much you
wanted to be President.
Not at all. As your husband,
I'm here to support you.
Here. I even took the liberty
of punching up your speech.
Thank you, Brain.
[SIGHS] I want a relationship
like you two have.
I've tried online dating,
but I keep getting cat-fished.
I mean, yes, she is gorgeous, Brain,
but how do I know she's even real?
[APPLAUSE, CHEERING]
Thank you. Go, Tar Heels!
Or am I in Wolfpack territory?
[HAUGHTY LAUGH]
[APPLAUSE]
But listen, I'm not here to butter you up
with local sports references.
I think it's about time we put a mouse
in the White House!
[APPLAUSE]
My God, I got a gift.
We're going to teach children
to build bombs that crush our enemies!
We're going to teach children
W-wait, what?
Their tiny hands are the perfect size
for intricate weaponry.
Their t-t-tiny hands are perfect
Come on, come on, say it.
Perfect
[♪♪♪]
For-- for-- building a better tomorrow!
No. That's not my speech!
You know what?
I had this whole speech written,
but I think it's time I stopped
speaking from the brain,
and start speaking from the heart.
[GASPS]
My name is Julia,
and I'm asking for your vote.
[CHEERING]
Wow, Brain! It seems like
she doesn't need you at all! [GUFFAWS]
Looks like it's time for plan B.
A terrible shadow of foreboding
has fallen over the proceedings.
[♪♪♪]
[GRUNTS]
Is this Plan B?!
'Cause I love it! Whee!
It's the night of the first
Presidential debate,
and it feels like all eyes are
on the race's front runner,
Julia Brain.
[♪♪♪]
Ooh! Sorry it took so long.
The barista kept saying,
"Coffee for Pinky!"
And I was like, no, it's for Julia!
Thank you, Pinky.
Pinky, I need to have a chat with Julia.
Do your best impression of
Colony Collapse Disorder.
How do I do that, Brain?
- Bee. Gone.
- Off I go!
Brain, I don't like
the way you treat Pinky.
Ha! I give Pinky's life meaning,
like I gave your life meaning.
You've given me the power of speech,
but you'll never control me.
Oh, on the contrary. I already do.
During your procedure,
I installed an obedience chip,
just in case my machinations went awry.
You monster.
Ah, ah, ah.
Genius.
You Y-you
[ZAP]
[GRUNTING]
Genius.
Why, thank you, Julia.
Now, go on stage and join the debate.
Good evening. I'm Raquel Madcow,
live from Nashua, New Hampshire.
Please welcome
your 2020 Presidential candidates,
Governor Tanya Walsh
and Senator Julia Brain.
[ZAP]
Senator,
voters are concerned about
corruption in government.
How would your
administration address this?
[BEEPING]
[SIP]
[GRUNTS]
I would simply allow
the most intelligent minds
To make all of the decisions,
like Brain.
[ZAP]
[GRUNTING]
Get out of my head!
Excuse me?
Senator?
[BEEPING]
Um, yes. Um
As President, I'll send
JULIA: As President, I'll send
undesirables to the moon.
Hey, lady. I'm an undesirable,
and there's no way I'm moving to the moon!
'Cause there aren't guns there!
Who cares what you think? You
Well-informed voter whose opinions are
[ZAP]
[SCRATCHY, DEMONIC VOICE]
quackier than a quack-a-lack.
Things are getting out of hand.
Time to regain control.
[BEEP]
[♪♪♪]
[ZAP]
[YELP]
[SHRIEKING]
[PANTING]
All this time,
I've been manipulated by a tyrant!
[ZAP]
But, isn't the real tyrant
high fructose corn syrup?
That's why my platform is
[DEMONIC VOICE]
Eat the children!
[CROWD GASPS]
[SCREAMING]
[PANTING]
[GRUNTS]
[♪♪♪]
Woo-hoo!
Big finish! Yay!
Uh
Governor, your response?
Uh
Free hats for everyone!
[CHEERING]
[TRIUMPHANT MUSIC]
That does it.
I'm changing my vote!
[♪♪♪]
MADCOW: I'm live from the inauguration,
where Governor Walsh's
supporters have all come to see her
be sworn in as President.
Just like a man.
However, with all of DC
in attendance,
there is one notable exception.
Walsh's opponent, Julia Brain,
who has not been seen since the debates.
[TV SHUTS OFF]
BRAIN: I can't watch anymore.
This whole experience has taught me
that if you want something done right,
you must do it yourself.
Go and make me a coffee, Pinky.
Righto, Brain.
Say, do you know what happened to Julia?
[♪♪♪]
I imagine when her mind
control unit caught fire,
it took half of her
cerebral cortex with it,
leaving her no more
intelligent than a field mouse.
How unfortunate. Together,
we really could've been something.
[SNIFFING]
[♪♪♪]
[BEEP, WHIRRING]
[ELECTRONICS CLICKING]
Come, Pinky.
We must prepare for tomorrow night.
Why, Brian, what are
we gonna do tomorrow night?
BRAIN: The same thing we do every night, Pinky.
Try to take over the world.
[ZAP]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Planet-eating war lords ♪
Legion of Grimlox ♪
Conquest of Earth led by ♪
Dire Commander Starbox ♪
When he finds a planet ♪
Where beings are rife ♪
We descend and consume ♪
All the sentient life ♪
When he sends the signal ♪
We start the invading ♪
Until then, we're waiting ♪
We're waiting, we're waiting! ♪
[♪♪♪]
[TRANQUIL MUSIC]
[GROANING]
[YAWNS]
Good morning.
[GROWL]
At fun spa,
I went to the prize area,
and then I got
a pink dinosaur egg.
[CHUCKLING]
And when I opened it, there was a blue,
one-horned triceratops.
[GRUNTS]
You wanna see outside?
[GASPS]
Mm-hmm!
Smell the fresh, fresh air ♪
[GRUNTS]
The trees outside ♪
There's grass outside ♪
[STRUGGLING]
And also ♪
[PAINED GRUNT]
If you are lucky,
and your parents could afford it ♪
A sand box ♪
You go in your house.
Every tiger
[GRUMBLING]
has black stripes.
[REALIZING GRUNT]
They don't have pink.
They don't have blue.
Only black! Some tigers are
♪
white!
[CHUCKLING]
Some tigers are
[GRUNTS]
[♪♪♪]
[PANTING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTING]
[PANTING]
[CINDY BABBLES INDISTINCTLY]
[GRUNTING]
Here's your favorite dress.
[GRUMBLING]
Get in there, please.
[GROANS]
I hope you feel pretty.
Do you want a cookie?
[GRUNTS]
Cookies are sweet ♪
[GRUNTING]
Cookies are so sugary ♪
[GRUMBLES]
I want to tell you something.
[♪♪♪]
I love you.
[GROANS]
I had a dinosaur dream.
I was a dinosaur egg
[♪♪♪]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING, GRUNTS]
[BEEPING]
[SQUAWK]
[GRUNTS]
[GROWLING]
[SCREECH]
[STRAINING, GRUNTS]
[♪♪♪]
[GROANING]
[GRUMBLES]
[GROANS]
Ew Ew
[GASPING]
Ah! [STRAINS]
[SCREECH]
[STARBOX YELLING]
Ah!
[CRUNCH]
[YELLING]
[GASPING, SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
[♪♪♪]
[GROANING]
- And then it ran away from the T-Rex,
and it stopped, and then it waddled,
[GROANING]
and rocked me
And then
[ALIEN CHORUS]
We're waiting, we're waiting ♪
We're waiting! ♪
[THEME MUSIC]