Back to the Future (1991) s01e08 Episode Script

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING) MAN: (SINGING) Tell me, Doctor, where are we going this time? Is this the '50s Or 1999? All I wanted to do Was play my guitar and sing So take me away I don't mind But you better promise me I'll be back in time Gotta get back in time I'll be back in time Gotta get back in time Dr.
Emmett Brown here, with the latest in my continuing series of audio-visual scientific documentations.
By videotaping it is my hope (CRASHING) COMPUTER: We are experiencing technical difficulties.
Please stand by.
It seems that my sons, Jules and Verne, created a little broadcast interference.
VERNE: Way to go, skunkhead! JULES: Sincere apologies, Father.
Keep working on that curveball, Jules, and remember the Magness effect.
JULES: Affirmative, Father.
In light of recent developments, perhaps we should delve into the physics of baseball.
Taking into account both the Bernoulli effect and the Magness effect, the trajectory (WINDOWPANE CRASHING) (GASPS AND GROANS) Perhaps I should forgo any further explanations and just take a nap.
Hey, batta, batta, batta.
Hey, batta, batta.
Hey, batta, not a batta.
Just look ahead, batta, batta, batta.
Hey, batta, batta.
Okay, Verne, just try and throw another one by me.
VERNE: Jules touched it last! Hmm.
Why, this egg isn't even cooked.
This egg isn't even an egg! Must be a defective bat.
More like a defective batter.
Keep 'em comin' till I hit one, Vernie.
DOC: Perhaps I can help! This is just the sort of challenge with which I love to start a new day.
(RATTLING AND CRASHING) With these eyeglasses you can hit anything! But, Doc, my vision, like the rest of me, is perfect! Your modesty leaves something to be desired.
Besides, perfection can only be achieved through practice Or my latest invention.
Doc, you smacked that a mile! Hardly.
The rate of ascent, factoring in wind resistance, places the distance at 237.
5 meters.
I've connected a metal body framework to a pair of laser tracking eyeglasses.
Smoke it in there, Vernie.
Okay, Pop.
The glasses zero in on the ball and the framework manipulates your arms, allowing you to strike the spheroid with your cylinder squarely! I've also programmed the control center for other baseball skills, including fielding, pitching, and kicking dirt on the ump.
Neato! Whoa, Doc, this is my ticket to the major leagues! Marty, this device is for practice only, to help your body learn the precise movements needed for accurate play.
Use it wisely.
Emmett! Your eggs and baseball are getting cold! Coming, sweetie pi-r squared! I guess someone else will have to be the first major league McFly.
I seem to recall someone else was.
Ah, here it is.
Pee Wee McFly, one of your predecessors.
Pee Wee? Your fifth cousin, three times removed.
"Pee Wee McFly, "pitcher for the Boston Beaneaters.
"Retired from baseball after striking out in crucial third playoff game, "September 2nd, 1897, and costing his team the National League pennant.
" What a wimp! Gee, too bad Pee Wee didn't have Pop's invention to help him out.
I'll get the keys from Doc.
Was Marty taking the boys somewhere? Yes, yes.
Something about helping a cousin make a big hit at work.
Okay, tomorrow's the big game when Pee Wee strikes out, so we gotta find him and talk to him today.
Hot dachsunds Get your red hot dachsunds! Nip-a-hi-hi hip! Oh, no! Those poor puppies! Prior to the were referred to as dachsunds.
Oh, yeah? What do they call hamburgers, German Shepherds? Look! Pee Wee's pitchin'! And he's not too shabby lookin', if I do say so myself.
(CROWD BOOING) Safe! He can't torpedo that guy in the gut! CROWD: Huh? Can he? Martin, baseball in this era has yet to evolve into the dignified sport as we know it.
Nice steal, O'Brian! Vera, after Boston loses, I'll buy you a new ring with my winnings.
Now, now, Diamond Jim, it ain't over 'til it's over.
Snookums, this game was over before it started.
Strike two! (CROWD CHEERING) C'mon, Pee Wee! One more stinkin' strike and you'll beat these stinkin' bums! Yeah! Strike him out, cousin! And who might be callin' me "cousin"? (CROWD EXCLAIMS) (SINGING) When Irish eyes are smiling (ALL GASP) (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY) Gee, look at that.
I'm in the wrong seat.
Ah, the wee little people be dancin' around me noggin! Veronica, fetch me shillelagh! He's loopy! It seems highly unlikely that Pee Wee will be able to continue.
And without McFly, Boston ain't got a prayer.
Don't worry.
There's gonna be a McFly in this game.
UMPIRE: C'mon, Selee, we got a game to play.
Pee Wee, you gotta stay out there.
All my other pitchers got bum wings.
So, Danny boy, 'twas you who threw me overalls in Mrs.
Murphy's chowder.
(KISSING) We're doomed.
(SOBBING) MARTY: Let's play ball! Pee Wee? I feel like a new man, er, ah (IN FAKE ACCENT) Faith and Begorrah, but I do! Looky, it's Marty! Hush, brother, or you'll spoil the charade.
Pee Wee, you You're not daffy no more! But what's with them cheaters? Uh, there'll be no free passes when the pitcher wears glasses? That guy's gonna get a funny-looking sunburn.
MARTY: Man on second, two outs, two strikes, game on the line Batter looks like that dude from the movies.
The one who stomped all over Tokyo.
Now, for a little hi-tech edge.
Let's smoke King Kong with the old heater.
Strike three, you're out! (CROWD CHEERING) Did I miss anything? I was robbed! These fans are out of control! GIRLS: Oh, Pee Wee! We love you, Pee Wee! Of course, out of control can be a good thing.
There's our hero! He ran in the stinkin' locker room! Oh, me noodle is spinnin'.
MARTY: You won the game, Pee Wee! I did? Mother Machree! Jimmy, I, uh, thought you said the game was in the bag? I'm gonna make that McFly like a tree, and yank up his roots! (SINGING) Hooray, today we're winners Our team did fight to victory Tonight it's big steak dinners Thanks, Pee Wee I'll tell you nothing but strikes he did throw His arms don't even got cramps After we win tomorrow, we'll be champs! You bet your bats we will be champs Champs (SCATTING) More like chumps.
MARTY: Hey, Pee Wee! How come so glum, chum? Sure'n me life is over.
Hey, if you're worried about tomorrow's game, I've got a thing-a-ma-jig here that'll make you a winner.
You don't understand, lad.
There's a certain gentleman who's already mad at me for winnin' today.
Huh? MAN: McFly? Huh? The boss wants to see youse now! Hey, ya big galoot, we're talkin' here.
Pardon me, Mr.
Face Lace, but McFly has a previous engagement which has just come up.
Whoa! Safe! What are you little ginks gonna do with all them autographed baseballs? Keep 'em for 100 years and then sell 'em for lots of moolah! Very funny.
Hey, c'mon, guys.
Pee Wee needs our help.
VERNE: Not another Tannen! JULES: And Pee Wee, too! Let's get closer so we can hear.
McFly, I understood that you and me had an understanding.
And, uh, this is how I understood it, you let Baltimore win, and I don't rearrange your face.
Right ye are, Mr.
Tannen.
Uh, I just wasn't myself this afternoon.
I'd hate for you to retire from baseball so young on account of bein' turned into sawdust.
MARTY: Hey, Joe, telephone.
How about a shoeshine, mister? Yeah, yeah.
Care for a manicure, sir? Sure, honey.
Now, listen, Pee Wee.
I got a lot of dough riding on this series.
Hey, bud, pull in your ears.
This conversation is private and confidential! So, hows about it, Pee Wee? Do you fix the game tomorrow, or do I fix you tonight? Don't you be a worryin', Mr.
Tannen.
The game's as good as lost.
No, Pee Wee, you can't do it! TANNEN: Hey, I told you to butt out, butthead.
At least I'm not a porcupine head.
Why, you little JULES: Beautiful nails! (TANNEN GROANS) Shine's all done, mister.
That'll be two bits.
I'll tear you to bits for painting my tootsie-wootsies! Get 'em, boys! MARTY: Looks like you need a shave, big guy.
(GROANS) I'll get you, you little cheese eaters! (GROANS) Check under the hood? Ah! Why, you little punk! Yeow! Whoa! (CRASHING) Can we go now, Diamond Jim? We sure showed that goon.
Aye, but still I must throw tomorrow's game, or Tannen will have me playin' the harp.
Ah, get out of town! (TRAM CHUGGING) Sure and that's a fine idea.
Fare thee well, strangers! (DOC READING) (DOC CONTINUES READING) DOC: Fore! (OBJECT THUDS) MAN: Ow! DOC: Sorry, mister, but I did say "fore"! (FANFARE PLAYING) Where's McFly? Here I be, Mr.
Selee, sir.
Ready and willin' to beat the Irish stew out of those Baltimore bums! Uh Yeah, that's swell, Pee Wee.
Now, get out there and pitch! You got it! I got it? I just gave it to you! TANNEN: Hey, McFly! Yikes! Don't forget our little arrangement.
Uh, no, sir, Mr.
Tannen, sir And buy some mouthwash, you big jerk.
Excuse me, sir.
Would this be the freighter to take me to the Emerald Isle? Nah! It's going to Ireland, and no passengers allowed.
Unless you're a potato.
Strike two! (CROWD CHEERING) Strike him out, Mart Uh, Pee Wee! No sweat.
Let's see here.
Sine wave.
Father is such a genius! A perfect sine wave! Cool! Whatever that is! It's the stinkin' wave form most commonly found in alternating stinkin' currents.
How much did you say you're payin' him to lose the game? McFly, I'll murderize you! (YELLING) Oops.
Sorry.
All right, ya crazy crank, ya.
You've had yer fun.
Now, it's off to the pokey with ya.
I'll plug you yet, McFly! Aw, bummer.
C'mon, McFly, you're holding up the game.
(CROWD EXCLAIMING) UMPIRE: Fore! I got it, but I don't want it! Hmm, hmm, hmm.
(CROWD EXCLAIMING) You men, get them spuds aboard, toute suite.
I got to go sharpen my pencil.
Okay, Pee Wee! Strike this Baltimore bum out! Here comes the McFly Express! Hey, ya little punks, watch it! Eh, sorry, mister.
We was pretendin' we wuz the Beaneaters, whipping the feathers off them stinkin' Orioles.
You're dreaming, kid.
Everybody knows Diamond Jim Tannen paid Pee Wee McFly to lose that game.
(GASPS) Not Pee Wee! Say it ain't so, mister! Don't you be a worryin', laddie.
It ain't so.
(CHILDREN CHEERING) And now I've a ball game to be getting myself to.
Ain't you Pee Wee McFly of baseball fame? That I am.
Say, might I trouble you to deliver me to the ball park? UMPIRE: Come on, McFly.
Turn around here and play ball.
(CROWD GROANS) Strike one! Is it too late to start rootin' for Baltimore? Go Orioles! (WHIMPERS) PEE WEE: Faster laddie, faster! Oh, watch out for the manhole! (NEIGHING) Come on, McFly, knock McDougal in and it's a tie ball game.
Man, I got to change my prescription.
Peanuts Hot roasted peanuts! Hey, peanuts! Whoa! Strike two! Strike two? I made peanut butter outta that ball! Sweet Mrs.
O'Leary's cow! Lemonade, Pee Wee's favorite! Yeow! What did I tell ya.
Hey, you need these glasses more than I do, walrus face! Listen, you little peahound, get back in that batter's box, or I'll throw you out of the game! But I Ah! I'm comin', Mr.
Umpire, sir.
Hey, it's Pee Wee! I knew he wasn't a coward.
Hey, he's a McFly! (CROWD CHEERING) It's a homer! Let go of me, you flatfoots.
I didn't do nothing.
Tell 'em, Vera.
That's Officer Muldoon to you, Tannen.
And I've got enough evidence to knock you out of circulation forever.
Way to smack that tater, Pee Wee.
What made you change your mind? Now, wouldn't it be a cryin' shame for all the little tots in town to be thinking Pee Wee's a cheater? JULES: Observe! My baseball card now states that Pee Wee was the hero of the 1897 championship series.
Yeah, and watching Pee Wee at bat gave me a few tips.
But I guess good hitting home-runs in my family.
Well, Einie, this oughta take care of that broken kitchen window.
Jumpin' gigawatts! (WINDOWPANE CRASHING) Uh, tough break, mister! (DOG BARKING) (GLASS CRASHING) COMPUTER: Begin transmission, Dr.
Brown.
Doc Brown again.
I have successfully collected all the necessary scientific paraphernalia to explore the physics of America's favorite pastime, baseball.
A bat, a ball and mitt, snacks for the seventh inning stretch, and to help me through the more practical aspects of my discussion, one of the great players of the game.
Brett Butler, center fielder for the Los Angeles Dodgers.
Thanks, Doc.
It's great to be here.
Oh, let's talk about physics.
The big mystery.
Does a curve ball really curve, or is it an optical illusion? This question has confounded scientists Doc, Doc, Doc.
It's no illusion, Doc.
You see, standing at the plate, one of the first things you look for is if the ball has spin on it.
And with a curve ball, one side of the ball is spinning into the oncoming airstream, while the other side is spinning away from it.
Oh, see, now that's just what I was going to say.
Because Doc, Doc The air exerts less pressure on one side than the other, thus, the ball curves And if you're ready for it, hopefully you can hit it into the gap for a double.
Exactly! COMPUTER: Accessing curve ball footage.
DOC: The scientific community has a name for this aerodynamic principle, although it escapes me for the moment.
BRETT: It's called the Magness effect, Doc.
DOC: Oh, right.
Hey, Doc, I gotta get to the ballpark.
But before I go, I'd like to show you this little demonstration.
Here we have a baseball attached to a small synchronous motor.
And when we turn the motor on, the ball begins to spin.
Now this motion, combined with the airflow from the fan, produces a sideways lift.
Now, watch the trajectory of the car as it crosses the table.
See? It curves.
I got it! Well, it seems we have successfully postulated that the combined physical forces acting on a small spherical object actually create an arcing trajectory.
What he's trying to say is that we've proved that a curve ball really does curve.
Right! And I couldn't have done it without my assistant, Brett Butler of the Los Angeles Dodgers.
Oh, no problem, Doc.
Anytime you need something, just let me know.
Well, uh The Dodgers are in town this week.
Think you might have a few extra tickets for the family? Sure, if you're willing to fly back in time and get Babe Ruth to hit for us.
Now who's throwing who a curve ball? (WINDOWPANE CRASHING) JULES: Sorry, Father! VERNE: Now we've got to pay for another window, Mr.
Wizard! (A CAPPELLA MUSIC PLAYING) For it's one, two MAN: Three.
(STAMMERING) I know! Hey, kids, what's the best way to hold a bat? By the wings! (LAUGHING HEARTILY) (BAT SQUEAKING) (GROANING) Ooh, very scary.