Batman (1966) s01e08 Episode Script
Rats Like Cheese (2)
We have already seen icy pavements in July.
Shivers! It must be.
.
Mr.
Freeze strikes again.
He's after big ice cubes.
He cooled the guard.
He gave everybody the slip.
Will the real Batman please stand up.
Curses! Foiled again! But wait! A new clue.
A princess in distress.
The dynamic duo to the rescue.
Blow hot! Blow cold.
Horrors! Frozen stiff.
But wait.
The most chilling is yet to come.
Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman, Batman Batman Na-na na-na na-na na-na Na-na na-na na-na Batman Midnight, in the super hypotherm deicefyer chamber mark 7 of the Gotham City Hospital two lonely figures lie quiet.
Peaceful.
Serene.
Instant freezing.
- Deadly! - Oh! If I could only get me mitts on that dastardly Mr.
Freeze.
.
Patience, O'Hara.
No public official elected by the people can allow his emotions to overrule his dedication to duty.
And carrying out the due process of law.
- Is there a chance? - What do you want? Miracles? I'm doin' the best I can.
The best I can do.
- And that's all I can do.
- Easy, now, Vince.
This has been tough on all of us.
If I can just raise their body temperature, gradually enough.
There's an outside chance, but it's tricky.
One degree too muchtoo soon.
It'll be a long and worrisome vigil, I fear.
Two such magnificent specimens of manhood.
Why? - The saints be praised! - Look! We interrupt our regular program to repeat this earlier bulletin.
Batman and Robin are alive.
Repeat, are alive.
'After the almost fatal and most mysterious attack' 'on them last night.
' The dynamic duo were instantly frozen by an unknown assailant who robbed Princess Sandra escaping with the famed Ghiaccio Circulo diamond.
'The would-be killer is still at large.
' 'And now, back to Gotham City stadium for the ceremonies' 'preceding today's game between the Eagles' 'and the Windy City Wildcats.
' - Uh, Boss.
- Come in, Mole.
I-I can't.
Oh, I'm sorry.
How did it go? Operation Big Diamond accomplished.
- Good.
- Where do you want it? In here where I can see it.
And tell airplane to zoom-zoom-zoom.
Right, boss.
Ah, Batman, you still live.
But only for a short time.
I now have the most precious diamond of all in my possession.
And to get it back, you must die.
Die! Die! 'From Bruce Wayne's private box in Gotham City's new stadium.
' 'Princess Sandra of Molino is getting ready to toss out' 'the first ball at this great charity game between' 'the two deadliest rivals in any baseball league.
' 'It's a beautiful day.
A b-eautiful day.
' 'But no more beautiful than the lovely princess herself.
' May I? Well, I'm-I'm sure I can't pitch like your great Paul Diamante but, why, I do have a few curves.
Play ball.
Oh, I'm so excited.
And part of it is seeing you again.
I'm just sorry the circumstances couldn't have been more favorable.
Losing the Ghiaccio Circulo diamond last night.
Oh, that.
Well, just be thankful that my servant and those two simply magnificent creatures, Batman and Robin are still alive.
I'd give anything to meet them someday.
- Socially, of course.
- Perhaps you may.
.
someday.
I'm dying to watch Paul Diamante pitch.
Is he really as good as they say? Better! Like real cool, ma'am.
.
I mean, Your Royal Highness.
'Attention, your attention, please.
' 'Change in the line-up.
' 'Pitcher for the Gotham City Eagles, number 77' 'Denny Allen for Paul Diamante.
' 'Apparently, Paul Diamante is.
.
' 'Well, we're not sure what happened.
' I don't understand.
I'm beginning to.
Diamante means diamond in Spanish.
Mr.
Freeze.
I thought Batman was out of danger.
What does this mean? Uh, if you'll excuse us, princess.
I'm sorry.
I've forgotten that we have a board meeting at the Bruce Wayne Foundation scheduled for this afternoon.
Can't miss a board meeting.
Well, I never.
.
Our only clue.
According to Diamante's landlady These three rather disreputable men visited Diamante's apartment this morning.
When she up to clean the apartment .
.
no Diamante, only this note.
"You will soon hear my terms.
" That's all? - And this.
- Mr.
Freeze.
Who else? Afraid you're right.
Commissioner Gordon speaking.
'Ah-ha-ha, commissioner.
You still there?' We're all here, listening.
Chief O'Hara, Batman, Robin.
'Batman, perfect.
Absolutely perfect.
' 'You are there and I am here with your most precious diamond' 'from the baseball diamond.
' 'Clever, yeah? Diamond from the diamond.
' - 'Speak to them.
' - 'This is Paul Diamante.
' 'This kookie character has me holed up out here' 'in the wildest pad.
' - Where, Paul? Where? - 'Who knows where?' 'Some creeps chloroformed me this morning, brought me here.
' - Mr.
Freeze.
- 'Yeah.
' How much do you want for Diamante's release? 'How much I want? Ha ha ha.
' 'Nothing, not one single mark.
' 'I mean, uh, cent.
' - 'No money.
None.
' - Then what? 'Simple, very simple.
' 'I will trade even.
One baseball pitcherfor.
.
' 'one Batman.
' Absolutely out of the question.
As protector of our city, I cannot allow you to deliberately jeopardize your very life.
Over me dead body you'll go.
Sorry, Diamante is the idol of millions of impressionable young lads who look up to him.
He must live to inspire the youth of today who will be the men of tomorrow.
I accept your terms.
Where and when do we meet? 'Alone?' Alone.
You may speak freely.
No one's listening in.
I'll be there.
Robin, this is one time I'll have to go out alone.
I gave my word.
A hot flash for the chilly Mr.
Freeze.
Will Robin just stand by? If Muhammad won't come to the mountain, Master Dick the mountain must come to Muhammad.
Time for afternoon tea.
Holy interruptions.
Who has time for afternoon tea at a time like this? Wellington did.
Even at Waterloo.
Well, I suppose a little extra energy wouldn't hurt.
- Uh, where's Mister Bruce? - There.
What? I secretly planted a homing device on him.
Secretly? Master Dick, am I to understand that you've been shadowing the master without his knowledge or approval? Holy Sherlock Holmes.
How can I help him if I don't know where he is? - He's in danger then.
- Plenty.
- Where? - There.
Right in the middle of nowhere.
You okay, Paul? Take it easy.
I think so.
Batman? Take it easy.
I'm prepared to fulfill my part of the bargain.
Do with me what you will.
Mr.
Diamante, you A-okay? What happened? Robin, the boy wonder.
Take it easy.
They've got Batman.
I've been following 'em.
I secretly planted a homing device on him.
Watch that pitching arm.
Later, in the super refrigerated hideout of Mr.
Freeze Batman is gradually recovering after the cowardly attack behind his back.
My utility belt.
Is this what you're looking for? Very ingenious, this utility belt.
Bat-rope, Bat-arang, explosives gas pellets and other things.
Such imagination.
A most useful thing to have.
When you have it.
If I were you, Batman I would not try to move from your nice heated area.
It is not only foolish to go from a nice warm to a 50 degree below zero temperature.
It is also very dangerous to the system.
You see, even through your glove the cold air penetrates like a thousand needles.
Am I not right? - I am right.
- You're right, you cold fish.
What next? That depends.
It depends, uh.
.
Ultimately of course, you will die, but how, when, where.
Mercilessly fast or agonizingly slow.
- Depends.
- Depends on what? - On you.
- Me? And me.
On how you act and how I feel when the time comes.
I-It depends.
You fool.
You fool! I warned you against sudden changes in temperature.
The air freezing your lungs.
Yeah? Cold, frigid, frosty air freezing your lungs solid like icicle.
Now you know how I fell when the air is warm and I cannot breathe like you cannot now.
You are freezing, yeah? If I choose I can make you freeze to death.
But not yet.
Not yet.
You must not die too easy.
Now.
Press a button.
Nice warm 76 degrees temperature.
With this, I control your every move.
I can decide where you can go and where you cannot go.
Now, you follow nice hot path to dining room.
Did I forget to mention that we have another guest for dinner? Somebody who just decided to drop in.
Come-come, you two.
You've scarcely said two words to each other the whole meal.
What's the matter? You don't like me roast beef? Oh, I know.
It's the spinach.
Let the boy go.
He's never done you harm.
His only crime was disobeying my order not to fallow me by planting that homing device on me.
You have my deepest sympathy, Batman.
Unfortunately, the boy now knows this hideout so what can I do? Ah, Baked Alaska.
My favorite dessert.
We will have with it, uh, some of this very special liqueur.
Chilled ever so slightly.
Uh, 10 seconds in my hands.
.
cools it properly.
Uh, 30 seconds for champagne, and one minute for martini.
- Nice and cold.
- None for me, thank you.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I forgot you do not drink.
Then have your Baked Alaska.
You know, in some ways I-I'm so sorry that I have to destroy such charming people.
- It is a great pity.
- Mr.
Freeze.
.
give yourself up.
We can get help for you.
Medical help.
In prison? This I do not believe.
'No, you must pay for what you did to me.
' For forcing me to live like this.
Never again to know the warmth of a summer breeze.
Never to feel the heat of burning logs in winter time.
Revenge.
That is what I need.
Revenge! I will have revenge! Now! Batman! The cold! Sorry, slipped on the Baked Alaska.
You tried.
That's the true measure of a man.
Whether you win or lose, to try.
And now, you will know what it feels like to freeze to death.
Slowly.
Slowly.
Slowly.
Ha ha ha.
Charming, isn't it? Yeah, very charmed.
Now, I press the button and there's only room for one.
- Stay! - No, Batman.
That's an order, boy.
This is fun.
Now, Robin will be able to watch you die first.
Batman.
.
In a few seconds you will not be able to move at all.
Now, tell me, Batman, how does it feel? How does it feel to freeze to death? Right, on the button.
Turnabout is fair play.
Naturally, you didn't know I was wearing my special super thermal B-long underwear for extreme cold.
You mean, you pretended to freeze? It'll be a colder day than 50 below zero before you beat Batman, Mr.
Freeze.
Help me! Help me! Freeze him an area jail cell size.
That should hold him till we get to the cooler.
Batman! Up! Up, up! The guns, drop them.
No-no! Wait, wait! Back to the cooler, Dr.
Shivel.
Now, gentlemen.
Two against three.
I'd say the odds are even.
Ah! This is.
.
What took you so long? I phoned you before I came in here an hour ago.
We took a wrong turn off route 49.
'Say "cheese.
"' Oh, get hip.
Not cheese.
Mr.
Freeze.
Alright, one more, one more.
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you.
Well, commissioner.
.
Bruce.
Oh, you old stick-in-the-muds.
Off to a silly board meeting in the middle of a baseball game.
How could you? Work before pleasure, princess.
How do you feel after your ordeal, Paul? Great! Feel like pitching tomorrow.
We can sure use you, especially against those Motor City wheels.
Oh, I wish Batman and Robin could've been here.
I would love to have thanked them personally for this.
And for this.
On behalf of all the loyal Gotham city fans of course.
Oh, there you are, boys.
You're just in time for the dessert.
Gabriel, bring it in.
Baked Alaska! Next week, Batman versus Zelda the Great.
Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman, Batman Batman Batman, Batman Batman Na-na na-na na-na na-na na Batman
Shivers! It must be.
.
Mr.
Freeze strikes again.
He's after big ice cubes.
He cooled the guard.
He gave everybody the slip.
Will the real Batman please stand up.
Curses! Foiled again! But wait! A new clue.
A princess in distress.
The dynamic duo to the rescue.
Blow hot! Blow cold.
Horrors! Frozen stiff.
But wait.
The most chilling is yet to come.
Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman, Batman Batman Na-na na-na na-na na-na Na-na na-na na-na Batman Midnight, in the super hypotherm deicefyer chamber mark 7 of the Gotham City Hospital two lonely figures lie quiet.
Peaceful.
Serene.
Instant freezing.
- Deadly! - Oh! If I could only get me mitts on that dastardly Mr.
Freeze.
.
Patience, O'Hara.
No public official elected by the people can allow his emotions to overrule his dedication to duty.
And carrying out the due process of law.
- Is there a chance? - What do you want? Miracles? I'm doin' the best I can.
The best I can do.
- And that's all I can do.
- Easy, now, Vince.
This has been tough on all of us.
If I can just raise their body temperature, gradually enough.
There's an outside chance, but it's tricky.
One degree too muchtoo soon.
It'll be a long and worrisome vigil, I fear.
Two such magnificent specimens of manhood.
Why? - The saints be praised! - Look! We interrupt our regular program to repeat this earlier bulletin.
Batman and Robin are alive.
Repeat, are alive.
'After the almost fatal and most mysterious attack' 'on them last night.
' The dynamic duo were instantly frozen by an unknown assailant who robbed Princess Sandra escaping with the famed Ghiaccio Circulo diamond.
'The would-be killer is still at large.
' 'And now, back to Gotham City stadium for the ceremonies' 'preceding today's game between the Eagles' 'and the Windy City Wildcats.
' - Uh, Boss.
- Come in, Mole.
I-I can't.
Oh, I'm sorry.
How did it go? Operation Big Diamond accomplished.
- Good.
- Where do you want it? In here where I can see it.
And tell airplane to zoom-zoom-zoom.
Right, boss.
Ah, Batman, you still live.
But only for a short time.
I now have the most precious diamond of all in my possession.
And to get it back, you must die.
Die! Die! 'From Bruce Wayne's private box in Gotham City's new stadium.
' 'Princess Sandra of Molino is getting ready to toss out' 'the first ball at this great charity game between' 'the two deadliest rivals in any baseball league.
' 'It's a beautiful day.
A b-eautiful day.
' 'But no more beautiful than the lovely princess herself.
' May I? Well, I'm-I'm sure I can't pitch like your great Paul Diamante but, why, I do have a few curves.
Play ball.
Oh, I'm so excited.
And part of it is seeing you again.
I'm just sorry the circumstances couldn't have been more favorable.
Losing the Ghiaccio Circulo diamond last night.
Oh, that.
Well, just be thankful that my servant and those two simply magnificent creatures, Batman and Robin are still alive.
I'd give anything to meet them someday.
- Socially, of course.
- Perhaps you may.
.
someday.
I'm dying to watch Paul Diamante pitch.
Is he really as good as they say? Better! Like real cool, ma'am.
.
I mean, Your Royal Highness.
'Attention, your attention, please.
' 'Change in the line-up.
' 'Pitcher for the Gotham City Eagles, number 77' 'Denny Allen for Paul Diamante.
' 'Apparently, Paul Diamante is.
.
' 'Well, we're not sure what happened.
' I don't understand.
I'm beginning to.
Diamante means diamond in Spanish.
Mr.
Freeze.
I thought Batman was out of danger.
What does this mean? Uh, if you'll excuse us, princess.
I'm sorry.
I've forgotten that we have a board meeting at the Bruce Wayne Foundation scheduled for this afternoon.
Can't miss a board meeting.
Well, I never.
.
Our only clue.
According to Diamante's landlady These three rather disreputable men visited Diamante's apartment this morning.
When she up to clean the apartment .
.
no Diamante, only this note.
"You will soon hear my terms.
" That's all? - And this.
- Mr.
Freeze.
Who else? Afraid you're right.
Commissioner Gordon speaking.
'Ah-ha-ha, commissioner.
You still there?' We're all here, listening.
Chief O'Hara, Batman, Robin.
'Batman, perfect.
Absolutely perfect.
' 'You are there and I am here with your most precious diamond' 'from the baseball diamond.
' 'Clever, yeah? Diamond from the diamond.
' - 'Speak to them.
' - 'This is Paul Diamante.
' 'This kookie character has me holed up out here' 'in the wildest pad.
' - Where, Paul? Where? - 'Who knows where?' 'Some creeps chloroformed me this morning, brought me here.
' - Mr.
Freeze.
- 'Yeah.
' How much do you want for Diamante's release? 'How much I want? Ha ha ha.
' 'Nothing, not one single mark.
' 'I mean, uh, cent.
' - 'No money.
None.
' - Then what? 'Simple, very simple.
' 'I will trade even.
One baseball pitcherfor.
.
' 'one Batman.
' Absolutely out of the question.
As protector of our city, I cannot allow you to deliberately jeopardize your very life.
Over me dead body you'll go.
Sorry, Diamante is the idol of millions of impressionable young lads who look up to him.
He must live to inspire the youth of today who will be the men of tomorrow.
I accept your terms.
Where and when do we meet? 'Alone?' Alone.
You may speak freely.
No one's listening in.
I'll be there.
Robin, this is one time I'll have to go out alone.
I gave my word.
A hot flash for the chilly Mr.
Freeze.
Will Robin just stand by? If Muhammad won't come to the mountain, Master Dick the mountain must come to Muhammad.
Time for afternoon tea.
Holy interruptions.
Who has time for afternoon tea at a time like this? Wellington did.
Even at Waterloo.
Well, I suppose a little extra energy wouldn't hurt.
- Uh, where's Mister Bruce? - There.
What? I secretly planted a homing device on him.
Secretly? Master Dick, am I to understand that you've been shadowing the master without his knowledge or approval? Holy Sherlock Holmes.
How can I help him if I don't know where he is? - He's in danger then.
- Plenty.
- Where? - There.
Right in the middle of nowhere.
You okay, Paul? Take it easy.
I think so.
Batman? Take it easy.
I'm prepared to fulfill my part of the bargain.
Do with me what you will.
Mr.
Diamante, you A-okay? What happened? Robin, the boy wonder.
Take it easy.
They've got Batman.
I've been following 'em.
I secretly planted a homing device on him.
Watch that pitching arm.
Later, in the super refrigerated hideout of Mr.
Freeze Batman is gradually recovering after the cowardly attack behind his back.
My utility belt.
Is this what you're looking for? Very ingenious, this utility belt.
Bat-rope, Bat-arang, explosives gas pellets and other things.
Such imagination.
A most useful thing to have.
When you have it.
If I were you, Batman I would not try to move from your nice heated area.
It is not only foolish to go from a nice warm to a 50 degree below zero temperature.
It is also very dangerous to the system.
You see, even through your glove the cold air penetrates like a thousand needles.
Am I not right? - I am right.
- You're right, you cold fish.
What next? That depends.
It depends, uh.
.
Ultimately of course, you will die, but how, when, where.
Mercilessly fast or agonizingly slow.
- Depends.
- Depends on what? - On you.
- Me? And me.
On how you act and how I feel when the time comes.
I-It depends.
You fool.
You fool! I warned you against sudden changes in temperature.
The air freezing your lungs.
Yeah? Cold, frigid, frosty air freezing your lungs solid like icicle.
Now you know how I fell when the air is warm and I cannot breathe like you cannot now.
You are freezing, yeah? If I choose I can make you freeze to death.
But not yet.
Not yet.
You must not die too easy.
Now.
Press a button.
Nice warm 76 degrees temperature.
With this, I control your every move.
I can decide where you can go and where you cannot go.
Now, you follow nice hot path to dining room.
Did I forget to mention that we have another guest for dinner? Somebody who just decided to drop in.
Come-come, you two.
You've scarcely said two words to each other the whole meal.
What's the matter? You don't like me roast beef? Oh, I know.
It's the spinach.
Let the boy go.
He's never done you harm.
His only crime was disobeying my order not to fallow me by planting that homing device on me.
You have my deepest sympathy, Batman.
Unfortunately, the boy now knows this hideout so what can I do? Ah, Baked Alaska.
My favorite dessert.
We will have with it, uh, some of this very special liqueur.
Chilled ever so slightly.
Uh, 10 seconds in my hands.
.
cools it properly.
Uh, 30 seconds for champagne, and one minute for martini.
- Nice and cold.
- None for me, thank you.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I forgot you do not drink.
Then have your Baked Alaska.
You know, in some ways I-I'm so sorry that I have to destroy such charming people.
- It is a great pity.
- Mr.
Freeze.
.
give yourself up.
We can get help for you.
Medical help.
In prison? This I do not believe.
'No, you must pay for what you did to me.
' For forcing me to live like this.
Never again to know the warmth of a summer breeze.
Never to feel the heat of burning logs in winter time.
Revenge.
That is what I need.
Revenge! I will have revenge! Now! Batman! The cold! Sorry, slipped on the Baked Alaska.
You tried.
That's the true measure of a man.
Whether you win or lose, to try.
And now, you will know what it feels like to freeze to death.
Slowly.
Slowly.
Slowly.
Ha ha ha.
Charming, isn't it? Yeah, very charmed.
Now, I press the button and there's only room for one.
- Stay! - No, Batman.
That's an order, boy.
This is fun.
Now, Robin will be able to watch you die first.
Batman.
.
In a few seconds you will not be able to move at all.
Now, tell me, Batman, how does it feel? How does it feel to freeze to death? Right, on the button.
Turnabout is fair play.
Naturally, you didn't know I was wearing my special super thermal B-long underwear for extreme cold.
You mean, you pretended to freeze? It'll be a colder day than 50 below zero before you beat Batman, Mr.
Freeze.
Help me! Help me! Freeze him an area jail cell size.
That should hold him till we get to the cooler.
Batman! Up! Up, up! The guns, drop them.
No-no! Wait, wait! Back to the cooler, Dr.
Shivel.
Now, gentlemen.
Two against three.
I'd say the odds are even.
Ah! This is.
.
What took you so long? I phoned you before I came in here an hour ago.
We took a wrong turn off route 49.
'Say "cheese.
"' Oh, get hip.
Not cheese.
Mr.
Freeze.
Alright, one more, one more.
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you.
Well, commissioner.
.
Bruce.
Oh, you old stick-in-the-muds.
Off to a silly board meeting in the middle of a baseball game.
How could you? Work before pleasure, princess.
How do you feel after your ordeal, Paul? Great! Feel like pitching tomorrow.
We can sure use you, especially against those Motor City wheels.
Oh, I wish Batman and Robin could've been here.
I would love to have thanked them personally for this.
And for this.
On behalf of all the loyal Gotham city fans of course.
Oh, there you are, boys.
You're just in time for the dessert.
Gabriel, bring it in.
Baked Alaska! Next week, Batman versus Zelda the Great.
Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman, Batman Batman Batman, Batman Batman Na-na na-na na-na na-na na Batman