Better With You s01e08 Episode Script

I like you in these jeans.
Mm.
Thank you.
Wanna go to the bedroom? I wanna go right here.
(Chuckles) I like you in those jeans.
Oh, you do, do ya? Race you to the bedroom.
Mm.
How about right here? (Gasps) Love it.
(Chuckles) Is it weird that I'm more turneon now? You ready? I've been thinking about it all day.
Me, too.
Are you going to unbutton your jeans or am I? I want you to watch me do it.
Oh.
Okay.
Let's go.
Oh, God.
This is so good.
Don't talk.
You're ruining it.
Mmm.
(Man) I don't know where I'd be without someone to see this thing through I am such a mess even at my best oh, my God.
Mom and dad are driving me insane.
Having them plan the wedding was a huge mistake.
Are they really that bad? (Sighs) Here is napkin option number 27.
Number 28.
Don't worry.
The paisleys are comin'.
(Door closes) Oh, hey, baby.
Hey.
Your parents are on the phone.
Who's talking to them? Uh, me, kinda.
(Loudly) That sounds like a great idea, Vicky or Joel.
(Tv playing indistinctly) (Telephone rings) It's your parent trents again.
Oh, no, no.
Just don't answer it this time.
(Ring) (Sighs) (Knock on door) We know you're in there! We can see you! We have some minister options for you! Do you like this guy? Or this guy? Did you know there's a hip, happening spot called the highline garden hotel at, if you agreed to have your wedding there, would take care of everything? Ben, for the hundredth time, we're not getting married at your hotel.
Is this because of the murder-suicide thing? No.
The bedbug issue? Nope.
The tv remote control thing? Yes.
It's disgusting.
Man, I (Sighs) When "20/20" called wanting to do a piece on the hotel, I had no idea they were gonna go through every room with a black light and show all the places that have bodily fluid.
I mean, inside a desk drawer? Ohh.
People are just animals.
Look, if mom and dad are such a problem, why don't you just hire a wedding planner? No, I can't.
No, that would kill them.
I mean, it's all they have.
They have nothing else going on in their lives.
Well, okay.
'Cause Lorraine Ashley is a big client at my law firm.
The wedding planner? Yes.
Get her.
Screw mom and dad.
She's supposed to be the best.
They say that she has so much Southern charm, that just hearing her voice feels like a hug.
Oh, well, I don't know if that's you know what? That is true.
Yeah.
It's so unfair.
People hear "bodily fluids," and they immediately jump to the worst possible scenario.
It could've been tears or blood.
Wow.
Pretty crowded, huh? Oh! New flavor today.
Bavarian mint.
Hey, if anybody can improve on mint, it's the bavarians.
(Chuckles) I'm actually on the phone.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
You can tell 'em my bavarian mint joke if you want, just to Ooh.
Excuse me.
Sorry.
(Chuckles) Sorry.
Ooh.
Sorry.
Hi.
Ooh.
Sorry.
Rory! Hi! Hey, Maddie.
(Gasps) You look great.
Did you get a haircut? I actually got all of 'em cut.
Oh! Oh, my God! (Laughs) It's sexy.
I love it.
Uh, listen, I'm in a bit of a rush.
Can I please get a small bavarian mint? Already done.
Oh.
I'll make it a Maddie, with all the toppings you like.
Thanks, sweetie.
Thank you.
(Chuckles) Can you believe that woman just did that? Oh, now you wanna talk to me? (Sighs) Oh, hi, honey.
Did you hurt your back? Yeah, 'cause you stabbed me in it.
I saw you today at the yogurt haus, flirting with Rory.
So? Ah! You admit it! Well, I guess I don't have to show you the picture that I took on my phone.
That's just a blur.
Yeah, well, the point is that I caught you flirting.
Well (Laughs) I didn't want to wait in line.
I wasn't really flirting.
I was just flirting for favors.
Everybody does it.
Flirting for favors? You know, you smile, throw out a few compliments, show a little cleavage.
You get special treatment.
They get to see some top boob.
Everybody wins.
You do all this for yogurt? Oh, Ben, it's not just for yogurt.
Did you know that yogurt haus has secret toppings toppings that aren't available to the general public? No.
Really? Like what kinds? (Inhales sharply) I don't think I'm supposed to say.
But they're so good, and they taste even better because regular people can't have 'em.
I can't believe I've been going to this place, standing in line, getting regular toppings like a fool.
You know, I'm gonna start flirting, too.
You should.
(Chuckles) Oh, well, I just hope you're okay unleashing flirting Ben out into the world.
I mean, even today, without turning it on, the woman in front of me in line she was all over me.
We know why you asked us over, and we agree.
Having only jazz music at the wedding would just feel too ethnic, so we no, no, no.
That's not why we asked you over here.
Vicky, Joel, why don't you sit down? Jeez.
What is this? What's, uh, what's going on? Oh, God.
It's an intervention.
Well, I guess I'm not surprised.
I think a part of me has wanted help for a long time, but I just I didn't know how to ask for it.
Uh, no, mom.
This is, uh, it's about our wedding.
Oh.
Great.
Okay, look, we so appreciate everything you've done for the wedding.
But you are driving us crazy.
No, no, honey.
We talk around it.
(Chuckles) Here's the thing.
We hired a wedding planner.
What? (Loudly) We hired a wedding planner.
It wasn't that kind of "what.
" Uh, mom, dad (Chuckles) This is Lorraine Ashley.
(Chuckles) It's so wonderful to meet you.
Your daughter is a lovely young woman.
Oh, thank you.
And and may I say, you are also quite lovely.
Control yourself.
You're like a dog.
You know I have a thing for redheads.
Dad, please.
I've asked you a million times to not say that in front of me.
Let me paint a picture for ya.
With me in charge of this event, every one of your friends is going to be so jealous.
They won't speak to you for weeks because you're going to make their kid's wedding look like a birthday party in a borrowed backyard.
Oh, my God.
You get me.
We will be happy to work with you on the wedding.
I-I'm willing to do whatever it takes weekends, late night meetings, long walks in the park.
No, dad.
(Chuckles) You don't understand.
It let me.
You two don't have to plan anything.
All you have to do is sit back and enjoy your daughter's big day.
What are you saying? You're fired.
What? Just so you know, that wasn't a say-it-again-louder "what?" Lorraine fired mom and dad? Were they okay? They were pretty upset.
Well, mom was.
I'm not so sure about dad.
He hugged Lorraine twice.
Well I've completely lost my ability to flirt.
What are you talking about? This is all your fault.
I have been with you for so long that I've lost my flirting muscle.
What happened? Hi.
May I help you? Yes, and thank you very much for your kind offer, milady.
What? Uh, so, uh, what's the haps with the yo? I don't know what that means.
The froyo.
You know, frozen yurt.
(Chuckles) What, you don't call it that here? Eh, that's okay.
Didn't this place used to be called "yogurt haus"? The yogurt business is cutthroat.
You gotta keep changing the name to stay current.
Ah.
Pfft.
Gotcha.
Gotcha.
So, uh, so what's goin' on? Well, I guess you're just chillin'.
(Laughs) What was that? Was that a joke, because frozen yogurt's cold? That is what I was thinking, yes.
You do know what flirting is, don't you? So what did you do? Did you just get out of there? (Laughs) Oh, no, no.
That is not at all what I did.
You know, I know your name, but you don't know mine.
I'm Ben Coles.
Ben colt? Coles.
Rhymes with moles.
Are you making fun of my mole? No, no, I'm no.
I-I think your mole is sexy.
I have one, too.
Wanna see? Mr.
Peters! We have a pervert again! No.
No.
No, I'm (Chuckles) I'm not a pervert.
No.
I-I just want secret things from you.
You know who's good at flirting? Casey.
Waitresses are always giving him stuff.
It's true.
I didn't know people paid for appetizers until a year ago.
I could go down there with ya, teach ya how to do it.
Um, reteach, okay? I used to be pretty good at it.
(Chuckles) Well, I don't know about that.
Uh, hey, it worked on you, didn't it? When we first met, I flirted the pants off her, literally.
I was the king of flirting.
Well, it wasn't that hard.
Back then I was the queen of taking my pants off.
Runs in the family.
(Chuckles and whispers indistinctly) First question is this an open pregnancy or a secret pregnancy? Oh, we're not hiding this guy.
He's the guest of honor.
(Chuckles) In fact, uh, he's the main reason this is happening.
Yeah.
Well, then thanks for the business, young man.
(Chuckles) Oh, I am so thrilled you're doing our wedding.
I mean, I feel like I'm in the best hands.
Oh, you are, darlin'.
(Chuckles) Now tell me what you've been plannin' so far.
Well, I checked out the zoo.
We are not getting married at the zoo.
He wants his best man to be an elephant.
He uses his trunk to hand me the ring.
I Actually, I did that once.
Unfortunately, the elephant inhaled the ring, and when the ring reappeared, it was not from the trunk.
But I do believe that I can create that sense of whimsy you two are looking for.
Mm.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what I want.
I want whimsy.
(Chuckles) And I want it to be colorful and fun, like us.
(Chuckles) Whimsy.
Colorful.
Fun.
Sounds like a great theme.
Oh.
D I also want it to be very fancy and expensive.
I-I would love to have it at the rainier club.
I called them, and they're booked until, like, 2017.
Of course.
It's one of the top locations in the city.
(Sighs) But Lorraine Ashley can get ya in.
Wait.
I thought you were Lorraine Ashley.
(Exhales deeply) All right.
Now listen up, 'cause a lot has changed since you used to flirt.
Why, is it that different? You can't just walk in, hummin' the bee gees, wearing bell-bottom pants.
How old do you think I am? First tell them they look nice.
Women love to be told they look nice.
"You look very nice today.
" Two, don't be creepy.
What are you talking about? Don't tilt your head.
I didn't tilt my head.
Did I? "You look quite nice today.
" Wow.
And smile.
Girls like a guy who smiles.
Maybe you use your eyes.
You have nice eyes.
Oh.
Okay um, maybe not the eyes.
Your ears seem normal.
Let's go with those.
(Sighs) Good luck.
I gotta take off.
Oh, and you can repay me by bringing me home a yogurt.
Oh.
Wait, wait.
What toppings do you want? Uh, tell 'em to make it a Casey.
They know.
Mia, Casey, I have big news.
Last night I got engaged.
(Gasps) Lorraine Ashley is getting married! (Laughs) Oh! Congratulations! Thanks.
Mia and Casey are so happy for you.
Oh.
(Laughs) But I do have some bad news.
The rainier club is no longer available for the date you wanted.
What? But you said you confirmed it.
I did, honey, but someone got in there and snagged it away.
Oh (Exhales deeply) And the string quartet has a conflict now, too.
Oh, I can't believe this.
These things happen.
Oh, yeah, and somebody else booked your cake maker.
Who is booking all of my stuff? They prefer to remain nameless.
Wait a minute.
Is it you? Like I said, I prefer to remain nameless.
Lorraine Ashley stole my wedding! Lorraine is getting married? Can you believe it? That raggedy Ann stole my wedding! See? Your wedding planner is tearing this family apart.
I hate to say it, but I told you so.
(Chuckles) Yoy don't hate to say it.
You love to say it.
Your your whole face lights up.
Look, you're tapping your toe.
You're basically dancing.
She stole everything? Oh, yeah.
The cake maker, the venue, the band.
Oh! Wait.
She didn't mention the florist.
Maybe that's still up for grabs.
Hey, buddy.
How'd the flirting go? Great.
Oh! See? You got your toppings.
Oh, fresh peaches, little chocolates shaped like baby heads.
(Gasps) Oh, I love those things.
And they have little hazelnuts for brains.
(Chuckles) And then it took a turn.
Great.
And here's mine.
Mm-hmm.
You exchanged phone numbers? I don't I don't know what happened.
I was I was so high on how well I was flirting.
I was drunk on secret toppings! I definitely will give you a call, Ben coles.
Ah, you should.
These guys can't wait to hear from you.
(Giggles) Uh, hey, I-I have two tickets to "the wiz" on Friday.
Would would you want to come with me? Uh, is yogurt cold? Oh! (Laughs) (Laughs) It is.
It is.
You are not going to "the wiz" with that woman.
Oh, you're right.
I'm not.
Or we could skip the play, go to dinner, and just talk.
Ohh.
I would love that.
This girl is crazy.
She thinks we're dating.
She's not crazy.
I think you're dating (sighs) I guess I better go down there and tell her what happened.
Her mom is gonna be so upset.
She seemed so sweet on the phone.
D her brother's gonna kill me.
Um, I have the deposit for the putney-Davenport wedding.
(Chuckles) Oh, no way.
Hi, darlin'.
Don't you "darlin'" me.
Now you're taking our florist, too? Look at it from my point of view.
I've spent my whole life planning other people's weddings, and now finally I have the chance to have one of my very own.
Why can't you be happy for me? Uh, because I barely know you, and you stole my wedding! I've already made arrangements for an alternate venue.
They'll handle everything.
You won't even need me.
The highline garden hotel.
Ew.
That's Ben's hotel.
Gross.
Oh, don't worry.
They have all new remotes.
(Chuckles) So I went to give the deposit to the florist, and Lorraine was there.
She took our flower guy, too! Baby, it's okay.
(Sighs) She can steal our wedding, but she can't steal our love.
Grow up, Casey.
And then we got into a fight, and then I slapped her.
Well, almost.
You're a bridezilla.
(Screams) Whoa.
(Grunts) I'm a wedding planner.
You think you're the first bride that's ever tried to slap me? She was like a wedding coordinating ninja.
I have never seen you like this.
You physically assaulted someone? Oh, I was so close.
Maybe this is for the best.
I never thought we needed a wedding planner.
We should just do it ourselves.
That way it'll reflect who we really are.
Or we can get a new wedding planner one that's better than her, with a better accent.
Ooh! We'll hire someone British.
That'll show her! Hi, Ben! Hey! Amy.
(Chuckles) Listen, I-I may have accidentally given you the impression that I was interested in you.
But you gave me your phone number, we made plans, and you actually said the words, "I'm interested in you.
" Well, I'm sorry you misunderstood me.
There is, uh, nothing going on here.
Okay.
But we're still going to "the wiz" together, right? Oh, wait.
I thought we decided to skip "the wiz" and go to dinner and just talk.
Whatever you want, honey.
Oh.
(Chuckles) No, wait.
No.
No.
We're not going to the hey.
Listen, yogurt.
He was just flirting for favors, okay? You should've known that.
People do it all the time.
It's a very accepted practice.
Well, not where I'm from, it's not.
Hey, Maddie.
Oh, Rory, thank God.
I do it with him.
We have an unspoken agreement.
I get secret toppings.
He gets compliments from a pretty girl.
Everybody wins.
Tell her about our unspoken agreement.
Unspoken agreement? Yeah.
I love you.
I was gonna ask you to go to my brother's wedding with me.
You were? You flirted with me just to get toppings? I can't believe this.
You know what? You are banned from Yogurt, yogurt, yogurt for life! Yeah, I am putting your picture up right next to the bad checks! (Gasps) Bad checks? Who writes a check for yogurt? Who writes a check at all? Hold still.
I'm trying to take your picture.
What are you doing? If I'm gonna be on the wall, I want to look good.
Whoa! Wait.
What am I stepping in? It's a surprise.
Okay, there's no surprise that's gonna make me feel better, especially not a surprise that kinda smells like throw up.
Okay! Huh? (Maddie and Ben) Yay! (Chuckles) What is what's going on here? Why are you guys here? Don't worry.
It's not an intervention.
Wait.
Is it? Mia (Chuckles) This wedding stuff is making you crazy.
You are so stressed out.
You fired your parents.
You tried to hit a wedding planner.
Lorraine? I-is she okay? Look, I have been going along with things, but I think you've forgotten what our wedding's supposed to be about you and me declaring our love for each other.
It's not about the famous wedding planner, what kind of flowers we have, or what kind of animal hands me the ring.
What are you saying? Let's get married right here, right now.
In the ball pit at Mike e.
Mike's? (Laughter) You said you wanted, uh, whimsy, colorful, fun.
Just imagine no more headaches, no more planning, no more stress.
Ben can marry us right now.
He's a registered officiant.
You are? I'm a hotel manager, so And you guys would be all right with us doing this? Well, we might have gotten a little too involved before, and we're sorry.
Look, honey, all we really want is for you to be happy.
And I couldn't let you get married without your maid of honor.
Ohh.
(Chuckles) So what do you say? You're right.
There really there really is no reason that I shouldn't marry you right here and right now.
Huh? Except I want a really fancy wedding.
(Chuckles) I want opulence.
I mean, I want really expensive flowers that you're just gonna throw away.
Look, honey, I know what you're doing here, and you're so right.
The only things that matter are the people in this ball pit.
(Chuckles) So let's have the wedding that we want.
I want all six of us to plan it together.
Really, baby? But no calling all the time, and no showing up to the house with ministers, and no more suggesting a hotel with really dirty drawers.
So you're definitely not getting married here? No.
(Chuckles) Oh, thank God.
I don't have to kill myself.
Okay.
We need to narrow down the invite list for the wedding.
Here is a list of all of our "maybes.
" Everybody gets four vetoes.
Use them wisely.
(Mouths word) Okay.
The Paulsons.
Short husband.
Tall wife.
It's creepy.
Veto.
Evelyn Richason Jarvis.
Oh, veto.
I can't fit all that on a place card.
Alan wang.
(Laughs) Veto.
I will laugh through the whole ceremony.
It's just Ralph Donaldson.
Veto! Uh, there may be another guest at the wedding who, when he was a financial planner, may have lost all of Ralph's money.
Uh, Elizabeth Reed? Veto.
Walks funny.
Ed Cummings.
Veto.
Smells like fish sticks.
Jeremy Rifkin? Veto.
Small hands.
Steve lamb.
Veto.
Weird hair.
Ben! What's wrong with you? So petty.
Terrible reason! You're so shallow.
What?! (Maddie, Vicky, and Joel) Overruled.
(Mia) Okay.