Britannia High (2008) s01e08 Episode Script

?? Don't easily, the climax of a perfect lie If there's lessons to be learned I'd rather get my jamming words in first so When you're playing with desire Don't coming to my place when it burns like Sweet about me, nothing's .
.
sweet about me Yeah Sweet about me Nothing's sweet about me Yeah Sweet about me Nothing's sweet about me Yeah Yeah! Wicked.
I'll have some of that.
This could be the start of something I can feel my heart is jumping Want to walk but can't stop running I can't stop running It's good to be a part of something Once upon a time was nothing This could be the start of something BRITANNIA HIGH S01 EP08 Oh, hi, babes.
Listen.
Me and Danny are so having this really cool party tonight.
It's gonna be full-frontal fabulosity from start to finito.
Do you ever say anything in English? Babe, it's not just any old party.
It's Wait for it.
It's a A fork supper.
A fork supper? Yeah, a fork supper.
Everyone knows what that is.
- Do they? - What is it, then? Yeah, what is it, Danny? Do you have to come dressed as your favourite fork? Oh, there's so many to choose from.
Dressing fork, fish fork, tuning fork, pitch fork Oh, and South Fork.
No, it's a dinner party where you stand up.
What, you don't even get a chair? Seating's so last century.
A dinner party.
How old are we, 49? Can you imagine, dinner cooked by those two? Stuff your face before you get there.
She only eats a lettuce leaf every third day.
Might want to try it with some weights on, babe.
One lemon, Danny.
One lemon.
Three Three large eggs.
Five ounces of caster sugar.
Whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk.
Danny, it's going everywhere.
Keep the bowl still.
What are you doing? It will be so slushy.
Stop.
Stop.
That's enough.
Next one.
Stop, stop, stop.
Danny, put it down.
You're getting it all over me! - Hiya.
- Hi.
It's all right.
I had a large doner on the way over.
All right, everyone? Tuck in.
Ooh, sweetie, can you be a love and get everyone some plates? Sure thang, babe.
Did he just say Thang.
It's so totally gross-a-licious.
You took the words right out of my mouth.
So you cooked all this yourself? I'm impressed.
Yeah.
Like Nigella.
Except much better looking, obviously.
And a much smaller toosh.
can we have a round of applause for our sous chef, please? I love the way you eat, it's so cute.
Isn't it cute, Ronnie? God love the pair of you.
So, the end of the year show.
I love the end of year show.
I like unwrapping sweets in all the quiet bits.
So um What are they looking for in the auditions? What they're always looking for - the triple threat.
What's that? Dancing, acting and singing.
AKA the triple threat.
What's AKA? It's a type of gun tourists use.
Terrorists.
You know what, I think I might call it a night.
I'm really full, for some reason.
Well, all the more for us.
I feel in the mood for pigging out tonight.
Oh, yeah, right.
With a figure like yours I find that well hard to believe.
Willard? Isn't that that dog from EastEnders? Lauren, you'd have been perfect for that part.
Joking.
She so needs to get over herself.
That's the pot calling the kettle black? Don't be racist, Lola.
D'you know what, why don't all of you go upstairs, get yourselves some wool and knit yourselves a sense of humour.
All right? Yeah.
Fancy a lift? Yeah, OK.
Hop on, then.
I've never done it before.
It's all right.
It's all right for you to say.
Are you ready? Wait, wait.
Car, car, car.
Never mind, come on.
- Ronnie! - Peddle! We'd so better get parts in this end of year show.
I mean, as the A-list couple of Britannia High, we so don't do backstage.
Do you reckon Lauren's OK? It's just people take your sense of humour the wrong way sometimes.
Oh, well, better get my apologising head on.
I don't wear it very often, so make the most of it.
So, what head do you have on tonight? Don't know.
You tell me.
Well, I think you have your hot foxilicious head on.
Ain't that the truth! You're a good singer, aren't you? What? You're a good singer, aren't you? I'm simply the best! Won't you give me a singing lesson? What? Will you give me a singing lesson? Yeah.
If you insist.
Cool.
Green, green, green go, go, go.
Hi, babe.
What's with the pills? Fine.
I've just got a slight headache babe.
I can call you babe, yeah? You don't like me.
Whatever gave you that impression? You said I look like a canine TV star.
Only from the neck up.
Look, OK, I'm sorry.
I'm only joking.
Look at you, you're gorgeous.
- Thanks.
- That's OK.
I mean, I know Danny didn't think so.
Well, not compared to me, but hey, fish, sea.
Plenty more, yeah? I'll survive.
Hi.
Don't.
I know.
I'm supposed to do this jive dance for my audition.
So I thought it would be funny to dress like a bunny.
Like the Jive Bunny.
Only I think the fancy dress place got it wrong.
Anybody nervous? No, not me.
Look at this.
Steady as a rock.
Yeah, me, too.
Why don't auditions ever get any easier? I know, like suckado.
Sudoku.
Oh, no wonder I can't do it.
It's cos we're being judged.
Every time we do it, we're, like, a step closer to, like, doing it.
Doing what? Living the dream.
Too right, and I am gonna be bigger than all of you.
I think I'll be the biggest of the lot.
Yeah, right I'm gonna be biggest.
What about me? Come on, guys.
We're all gonna be huge, OK? Yeah.
I'll still be bigger than all of you.
This is the night ??? I'm ready for a rhythm of my own You know that I'm gonna move ya Hey It's the night I've waited for a life I can see my dream materialise And I am ready to move, yeah Yeah When the lights shine Everything is set in motion Now it's just a question of time I'm running right into the hurricane And we'll be flying so high So high, so high, so high, so high So high, so high, so high, so high, so high Every single beat comes down to this I can taste the future on my lips I got all eyes on me You know that I'm gonna move ya I got all eyes on me We came, we saw, we'll conquer it all We're gonna be somebody standing 20 feet tall 20 feet tall, 20 feet tall, 20 feet tall, 20 feet tall 20 feet tall, 20 feet tall, 20 feet tall, 20 feet tall When the lights shine Everything is set in motion Now it's just a question of time, time I'm running right into the hurricane When the lights shine Everything is set in motion And we'll be flying so high So high, so high, so high, so high, so high So high, so high, so high, so high, so high, so high So high! Lauren! Come on, babes, wake up.
The thing is, Lauren you should have come to us.
You know we're here to talk to, as well.
And tell you what? I get the odd pain every now and again? It must be serious if you're trying to hide you're taking all these painkillers.
Lauren.
Is there something you're not telling us? My nan, my mum's mum,she's she's got MS.
I know deep down it's probably not the same thing but .
.
I'm scared.
We'd better get you to a doctor, eh? Put your mind at rest.
I'm going to send you to see a friend of mine.
He's a specialist.
Can we keep this quiet? I mean, I really don't want to worry everyone.
Course we can.
Sure.
Thanks.
And the showcase, you will still let me perform? Let's just take it one step at a time, eh? Look, guys, I hate to have to say this, but I think Lauren's on drugs.
Jez, are you OK to um later? - Yeah.
- Cool.
Look, drugs? Where'd you get that idea from? I saw her in the changing rooms taking these tablets.
Oh, my actual God.
Lauren is, like, such a junkie.
She took, like, two whole paracetamol.
I mean, we should start, like, wearing shell suits and that.
Hang out in shopping centres, like, drinking cider from a can.
Look, I know what I saw, Jez, OK? I was there.
Is that it? And nothing else? Actually, there was something else.
Her behaviour was really weird.
She seemed to LIKE me.
We're doing lasagne tomorrow.
You like lasagne.
Wicked.
Sing.
Did I tell you, my dog's been diagnosed with underactive thyroids? My mum needs help to bob her in the Daewoo.
What's going on here, then? Oh, I'mgiving Ronnie a singing lesson.
Don't look at me.
You're putting me off.
And cue intro! I love you But I gotta stay true My morals got me on my knees I'm begging please stop playing ga-ames I don't know what this is but you got me good Just like I knew you would You got me begging you for mercy Why won't you release me? You got me begging you for mer-cy Why won't you release me? I said relea-ease me Oh, come on.
Come on, it's OK.
It's good.
Oh, I'm sorry.
It's justthis song, the emotion.
Always gets to me.
I'm so sensitive.
Any notes? Feedback? So how was she? Pukka or pants? The latter.
So uhdid you tell her this? I don't know exactly.
I left the room trying to stop myself laughing.
Did you tell her? Kind of.
All my life I've wanted to be good at something.
To be special.
Am I special, Jez? Well, you're more than special, you're You're unique.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Ish.
Good, that man.
Yeah, nice one.
It was a hard call, but you made it.
Are you all right? What am I like, overdoing it again! Lauren.
Are you on drugs? What? I'm only saying what you lot are thinking.
No, I'm not.
It's just that Claudine saw you taking some pills.
Were they performance-enhancing stipulants? Stimulants? No.
Look, we're just worried about you.
That's all.
Well, don't be.
I'm fine.
Are you all right? I'm the modern poet I'm the libertine I'm the prime time viewing on your TV screen He should say much more than he means.
I know, I know, I know Yeah Wake up, wake up Live your life How does he do that? Lovely legwork, Begonia.
Thank you.
Next.
I need your help.
I'm at the hospital.
OK, I have something to confess.
I didn't tell Ronnie she was rubbish.
What did you tell her, then? Ah, here he is, my No.
1 fan.
Extra chips for anyone who thinks I'm like a white Whitney.
That'll be you, then, Jez.
Of all the students at Britannia High, why did you call me? Because I'm scared.
And today I need someone tough at my side to hold my hand.
Not literally.
Oh.
I just figured that if you were here maybe I could be tough by proxy.
Why are you here? Do you know what MS is? Seeing as we're in a hospital, I'm guessing not Marks & Spencer? You've got to tell her.
It's easy for you to say.
Actually, what did you say? You've got to tell her.
Oh, but you can't burst her bubble.
Says who? She needs a reality check, man.
It's really hard.
How would you like it, if I told you you were rubbish? I'm not.
I rock.
If you don't tell her, someone else will further down the line and her heart will get broken.
Why is this my responsibility? Well, you were the one that lied to her, so I didn't ask to be put in this position, did I? How about this position? OK, I'll tell her.
Some time.
Some time soon.
- Hi, Ronnie.
- Hiya, love.
Is this where the auditions are? Certainly is.
Oh, justsomeone was asking me.
So, you're fully cast, then? Oh, yes.
All done and dusted.
It's gonna be a great show.
- You'll love it.
- Right.
I'm just gonna post the cast list on the notice board now.
See you later.
Bye.
- Hi, Begonia.
- Hiya.
- Are you all right? - Are you all right? Are you OK? All right.
Don't all push at once.
You're like a pack of hyenas.
We're in.
Yes! Yes! I'm doing a duet with Begonia.
Who's Begonia? Claudine and Lauren are in.
Yo.
Where are they? Dunno.
I listen to the radio and it's you singing.
I turn on the TV and Lola's dancing.
I rent a DVD and Danny's acting in some Hollywood blockbuster and where am I? I dunno.
Temping in an office? Telesales? You know what, Lauren, you'd be doing that anyway, even if you hadn't got MS.
Forget the O2, you'll be working in a burger bar, with really bad skin.
Oh, what, like yours? There's nothing wrong with my skin.
True, true.
Nothing a little Polyfilla wouldn't fix.
Actually, forget the radio.
You would be at Hogwarts with all the other witches.
Oh.
And you'd be working at the local sewage plant or whatever it is that makes you country people smell.
Took your mind off it for five minutes, though, didn't I? Don't tell anybody I got soppy, yeah? Your secret's safe with me.
Snap.
Lauren Walters.
Break a leg.
And one, two and three and four, five, six, seven, eight.
One, two and three, four and five, six, seven, eight.
Double turn.
And finish.
OK.
Let's get into pairs, please.
A-one, two.
Low, high All right? OK.
Listen up, guys.
That's just like what Helen Mirren says in Prime Suspect, isn't it? Listen up, guys.
Listen up, guys! Anyway, due to the indisposition of Begonia Seal, who suffered from a spilt-milk accident yesterday No point crying over that, eh? Spilt milk Anyway, I've got one place left in the end of year show.
So, myself and Anna will be reauditioning later today.
OK.
Oh, no.
It is weird.
I don't care what you say.
Girls are weird.
Acting like sisters one minute, then falling out big style the next.
The thing is, Claudine's my woman.
Then you've got Lauren, like, she's my ex.
???They used to hate each other.
It's not natural that suddenly they're like bosom buddies.
OK.
If this is a Hollywood movie in which Lauren was played by Lindsay Lohan, - and Claudine by - Katie Holmes.
Hey, Katie Price.
Then I'd say - Hang on.
Who am I played by? I dunno.
The fat one from Gavin & Stacey? No.
If this was a Hollywood movie and your ex and your woman were buddying up, then I would say they were plotting your downfall.
What, like a revenge movie? Yeah.
But what have I done to upset them? We're blokes.
Just breathing gets birds hot under the collar.
So you're joking, yeah? No.
I'd say your days were numbered, big fella.
Later! Your days will be numbered, if you don't tell Ronnie the truth.
Yeah, I know.
Actually, I'm gonna tell her.
Let's go find her.
No, no.
I'll call her now.
Coward.
Whatever.
Guys, look at this.
I believe the children are our future Teach them well and let them lead the way Show them all the beauty they possess inside Give them a sense of pride To make it easier Let the children's laughter Remind us how we used to be Because the greatest love of all is happening to me-e I've found the greatest love of all inside of me Right, um I'm going to head up and listen to some music and stuff.
- Cool.
- Cool.
I've got this wicked new CD with some bangin' choons on it.
You see what I did there? I said "choons", not "tunes".
That is well cool.
Don't you wanna come up? We're not joined at the hip, Danny.
Ain't that the truth.
It's funny you should say that, cos, well, you two kind of look like you're joined at the hip.
If I didn't know you, I might think you were Siamese twins or something.
Conjoined, sweetie.
Yeah, Siamese is offensive.
Either way, you're both thick as thieves.
I know what's going on.
Oh, do you? You're plotting to get me.
Get you? It's all about you, isn't it, Danny? You're whispering in corners, clamming up when I'm around.
What are you gonna do? Publicly humiliate me or something? You're doing well enough at that on your own.
This isn't a Hollywood revenge movie, you know.
It's my life.
I don't know what I've seen in either of you.
Oh, grow up, Danny.
You grow up.
And by the way, you're so dumped.
Do you wanna know what's going on? Don't you dare! You're being dumped.
That's what's going on darling.
Yeah, dumped.
Lauren might be dying.
Stupid prat! Don't overexaggerate, whatever you do.
Dying? No, I'm not dying.
I told you to keep your big mouth shut.
No, I'm not dying.
Excuse me.
What's going on? Couch.
Couch! Ronnie.
Everyone laughed at me.
Why did they laugh? Ronnie! Everyone laughed at me.
Only because, you know No-one expects a dinner lady to get up and give it some welly.
Do they? I don't want to be a dinner lady.
You don't remember me, do you? I met you ages ago.
We auditioned on the same day.
Auditioned? For this place.
Needless to say I didn't get in.
Thought if I got a job in the kitchen I mightimpress someone.
I don't think I have.
OK, um I wanna be a good friend.
And good friends, I've realised, tell the truth, even though it's really hard to hear.
Ronnie, you're not - Actually I'm I'm just gonna go.
You did not just dump me.
Got that? - Well, I - Me and Lauren are not plotting your downfall, or whatever other misguided notion you've got into your thick skull.
But you know I'm talking.
Lauren came to me because she was scared and she reckoned that I was tough enough to cope.
Well, I guess she was right.
For God's sake, just tell me what's wrong with her.
She's probably gonna be fine.
But there is an outside chance that she won't be.
Just tell me.
You've got to be strong, because .
.
you mean a lot to her, Danny.
So, you've got to be there for her.
So you're encouraging me to spend time with her? Some things are bigger than my jealousy.
Where's Ronnie? She's gone.
Gone? First time we've had a resignation by text.
Welcome to the 21st century.
She resigned? Gone to Grimsby, apparently.
Lord knows why.
It's where she's from.
What if it's serious? It won't be.
I don't wanna lose you, Lauren.
From school? Performing is the only thing that makes me happy.
Keeps me sane.
You've got to think positive.
Do you remember when we went to Piccadilly Circus on our first date? It feels like a lifetime away.
Does it? You told me I could be whatever I wanted to be.
Yeah, you can.
What if I never get that chance? Hey, hey When did I start feeling the weight of the world When did the world get so cold? Why did I have to break your heart? Oh, oh, oh-oh Suddenly my words are harder And suddenly my nights are darker Suddenly the situation is not so easy Suddenly my mind is making Decisions I don't want to be taking And I don't know which way to go I don't want the weight of the world To fall on me No, no I'm gonna wake up tomorrow a better man I'm gonna work at the things I don't understand I made some mistakes, I've been a fool But when the sun goes down Gonna make it up to you It's what I'm gonna do No, I don't want the weight of the world To fall on you To fall on you How's it going? I think this is gonna be the best end of year show ever.
You say that every year.
And every year I'm right.
What's the news on Lauren? We should get the test results back later.
Should she be pushing herself that hard? You only get one shot in this life, Anna.
Are you OK? You seem a bit I'm wicked, you know.
Why wouldn't I be? She's your friend.
You're bound to be worried about her.
We'll get through this.
Don't.
What? Confuse pity with lust.
What about love? Claudine's the one you love.
Believe me, she's told me.
Don't pretend this isn't happening.
The only thing that's happening is that we have a dance routine to do.
Let's go away.
I I can't do this.
What? This.
Danny, just grow up.
He doesn't want to be in the end of year show.
How ridiculous is that! It's just nerves, that's all.
- No - No, it is, Danny.
You'll be in it, whether you like it or not.
We're doing it.
So work it.
Well, you heard what she said.
Work it.
If you had a girlfriend, right, but you found you were, like, having feelings for your ex-girlfriend Is this happening to a friend of yours? No, it's happening to me, actually.
Ah.
That's the bit you're not supposed to tell us.
Go on.
Well, what would you do? Do what you're doing, mate.
Have my cake and eat it.
Outrageous advice! My mum used to say I'd never find happiness cos I have my father's face.
So, who's face did he have? Evil.
And for ages I believed her.
Built up this shell, like a self-protection thing.
I know you're not gonna love me, so if I'm horrible to you, I get there first.
Your dad's not got a face.
Lola.
But I can find happiness, and I have.
And I'm not gonna let it go.
Maybe in the years to come, I'll truly understand Though I try to hold on tight, I feel it slipping through my hands Time can fly so fast they say, when you are having fun So why does it feel like it's over before it's begun? Now I don't know where I will go from here Cos without you I'd rather go nowhere You, you colour my days I'll treasure this memory always You brought light to the darkness You brought rain to the desert You got under my skin Now I'm believing in myself again You have changed my direction So much love and affection and I will keep it safe so deep within And given the choice I know I would it all over again Who knows what the future holds, it's written in the stars But letting go is how you know if something's really yours I know there's a road ahead, the journey will go on But if letting go is so right, why does it feel so wrong? Yeah Now I don't know where I end and you begin It's hard enough breathing out and breathing in You, you coloured my days, I'll treasure this memory always You brought light to the darkness You brought rain to the desert You got under my skin Now I'm believing in myself again You have changed my direction So much love and affection and I will keep You safe so deep within And given the choice I know I would do it all over again Oh-o-oh Do it all over again Ye-ah Now I don't know where I end and you begin It's hard enough breathing out and breathing in You, you coloured my days, I'll treasure this I'll treasure this and I'd do it all over aga-ain Ye-ah I'd do it all over again You have changed my direction So much love and affection and I will keep it safe so deep within And given the chance I know I would it all over aga-ain You Oh-o-oh You So much lo-ove Do it all over aga-ain Oo-ooh I would do it all over again There you go, Lola.
The kids are in their final rehearsal.
It's Lauren's test results.
They were just delivered by special courier.
Ronnie.
Hiya.
Oh, my God! I thought you'd gone back to Grimsby.
Oh, so did I.
But then I thought, I don't care what people think.
I'm going to be a huge star.
So I'll audition for one of those reality TV show things, where you audition to be in a musical.
- Got ya! Your face.
- Come on, you.
- I've got a show to do.
- Sorry.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven and forwards, back, in, up, five and six, seven and two, three and four and step, kick Bigger kick.
Concentrate, people.
This is your last chance to rehearse.
Slide, disco step.
I might not be a performer.
I think we all know that.
But I'm determined to make it in this business one way or another.
So I'm gonna do a hair and make-up course.
You watch.
When you're a big Hollywood star, it'll be me making you look fab on that big screen.
That is such a good idea.
I need to uh So I'll ask for my job back and go to night school.
I love this business, Jez.
I'm going to make my mark as queen of the back room.
- Ronnie.
- What? - I'm gay.
- Oh, so? Do you think this is wise? Yes, we give her the results now.
Here we go.
Six, seven and Kick, step and back.
A bit higher.
And pirouette.
Don't forget to squat, Claudine.
Here we go.
OK, Danny? And one, two, three, up! You, come with me.
One, two, three, four.
Five and six, seven and Claudine, you're hurting me.
OK, spill.
Spill what? I'm not gonna pretend this isn't happening.
Nothing is happening.
I'm not blind, OK, Lauren? And I'm not thick.
Well, I must be, because I don't know what you are talking about.
Don't come the innocent with me.
You still love him.
Do I? Do you? See? You can't say no, can you? No, I don't love him.
You're lying.
You know, so what if I do? Look, Claudine, I'm sorry - Oh, shut up.
You love it.
You hate seeing us together so you flutter your false eyelashes at every opportunity.
They're not false.
You think he wants you, don't you? Don't make me laugh.
I am perfect for him.
You are really not.
He's a good guy.
I should be with him.
You really are nailing your colours to the mast.
Danny wants me.
Yeah, right That's why he kissed me, then, is it? What's going on here? - You kissed her! - What? - Danny! - But I never.
What?! Well, maybe just a little one.
Oh, for little read half an hour.
I didn't mean to.
I justcouldn't help it.
It just kind of happened.
He wants me.
He wants me.
Oh, shut up.
You shut up, marriage-wrecker.
So you're married now, are you? Whatever.
How pathetic are we, arguing over a stupid bloke? I am here, you know.
Well, get a load of us, Danny.
All your Christmases have come at once.
I want you and she wants you.
It looks like someone's got a choice to make.
Me or Claudine, Danny? Who's it gonna be?