Cake (2019) s01e08 Episode Script

1 (percussive beat) (electronic warbling) (beeping) (groovy music) So, um, you know I'm going back home this weekend.
- Oh, yeah? - And I was thinking that you could-- you could come with.
It's--it's-- it's really nice over there, and you could meet my parents, and I don't know, see all the-- Sorry, can I just ask you a question? Uh-huh.
Do you--um, do you think that I love you? Oh.
Yeah.
You tell me all the time that you do, so I mean, as it were-- Uh, well, y-yeah, but you know, love, it's a funny word, isn't it? It's funny.
I mean, it can mean so many different things.
Okay, uh, not-- not quite sure what you mean.
- Um - Okay.
All right.
Um, in the Aegean Sea, for instance, uh, they have, like, five different words for love.
Um, so, like, romantic love has a different word than the love you have to your friend or the love you have for great food or--or good song, you know.
Um, do you know what I mean? So, for example, I absolutely love that snail that's attached to that coral over there.
- Okay, yeah.
- Look at it.
I mean, it has such a beautiful shell.
I--it really ties this whole place together, you know, really makes it feel complete.
Yeah.
And I mean, you can even love something as simple as a joke or a funny thing that's happened like, um, when me and my friends went to Meg's hen do.
- Yeah.
- (chuckles) We built her, like, this funny hat Yeah? Made out of a bit of seaweed What? That looked just like a giant knob.
- No.
- (laughing) (both laughing) It was so funny.
We all loved it.
(both laughing) I'm--I'm still a bit confused.
Yeah.
Do you--do you love me? Yes.
Yes, I love you.
All right.
Yeah.
Great.
'Cause, yeah, I love you too.
You're looking for a good look (dreamy music) Hey, good timing.
Holy shit.
You make this for girls and you expect me to believe you have trouble with relationships? Ah, well, I don't usually get to the point where they spend the night.
Mmm! I could get used to this.
So could I.
Let's move in together.
(laughing) No, I'm serious.
(continues laughing) Yeah.
Yeah, that is, uh That's very clear.
You're amazing.
(laughing) You're like this open, exposed wound.
- All right.
- (laughs) You're like an emotional flasher.
Oh.
(laughs) It's like, Why, darling, take a look at me soul.
- (laughs) - All right, well Uh, I get it.
You think I'm crazy.
Okay, I'll leave you be, but, uh, um, feel free to enjoy the toast.
No rush.
And it was really nice to meet you.
Good luck with everything.
Jerome.
Well, I just need a moment.
Thanks.
I like you, Jerome.
You're crazy.
That's why I like you, I think.
(laughs) But I'm not gonna move in with you, 'cause we've known each other less than 12 hours.
So Maybe we could just go to the movies or something? Okay.
(chuckles) Sounds good.
Yeah? (dreamy music) But he's your client.
I know, exactly.
(laughs) I'm not boring you, am I? Oh, no, no, no.
I--I just can't believe it.
I mean, you crushed the Armstrong deposition, and then Moretti has the audacity to pull you off the case before voir dire? All 'cause he sees dollar signs? I love talking to you about my day.
Mm.
Just takes all the stress away.
Maybe we should move in together.
No.
You're insane.
- (Paige moans) - That was-- Yeah.
- (laughs) - (moans) How does it keep getting-- Better? I don't know.
Will you-- (laughs) Move in with you? Yeah.
- No.
- Oh.
(laughs) (dreamy music) - (exhales) - Yay! (laughs) What did you wish for? (groans) (scoffs) Say, do you want to-- Don't do it.
You've made your desires clear.
And it's not a completely inappropriate question anymore.
I'll give you that.
I'm just not ready.
No, it's actually perfect, 'cause I needed a new key chain anyway.
Well, it's not for your keys.
It's for our keys.
Our keys? I'm saying that I'm ready.
Do you want to move in together? (chuckles) I absolutely do not want to move in with you.
What? Sometimes I Feel like Flying away (change jingles) (coin clinks) (electronic music) (thudding) Oh (coughs) (groans) Wind knocked out Oh (coughs) Oh Wind knocked out.
(whines) Got the wind knocked out of me.
(grunts) Debra Debra.
(sighs) Debra, you got a problem.
You got a problem.
(sighs) You need to go home.
(quirky music) Debra, please (groovy music) - No.
- Yeah? No.
Okay, right on.
Take your time.
Uh Move slowly, that'll help.
Okay.
Oh, this is good.
Not that one.
The remix.
The remix.
Dan! Dan, Dan, Dan! Hey, Dan.
I need your help.
Oh, so now you need my help? Wait, what are you talking about? I always ask for your help.
Oh, yeah; I don't know why I said it like that.
- (Nicole snapping fingers) - Uh, listen.
Can you just give me one second? Dan, Dan.
Tonic! Uh Okay, yeah.
Sorry.
Thanks for waiting.
How can I be of service, my liege? Paige asked me to move in with her, - but I-- - Oh, that's great! - Congratulations.
- Wait, wait.
When she asked me, I said no.
What? I said, "I said no.
" What? Well, that was really stupid of you.
All you ever talk about's moving in with her.
Yeah, I know that, Dan.
But I don't know why I said no.
I mean, I wanted to say yes.
My mind was saying yes, but when I opened my mouth, the only thing that came out was no.
(sighs) I see.
I get it.
What have I always said about relationships, Jerome? Relationships - are about trust.
- Oh, no, you never said that.
- Yeah, well - Come on.
Trust between you and your gut.
Okay? All right? So when Paige asked you to move in and you were like, "no," that was your gut talking.
You want my advice? You better dump this chick quick.
Dan, I love this woman.
I love her.
I have never felt this way about anyone in my entire life, ever.
And I'm not gonna let this end because of one incident.
Yeah, well, you know what? If you don't call it quits, she will.
You gotta beat her to the punch.
Thanks, Dan.
What? I-- I know why I said no to Paige.
Yeah! Yeah, because she sucks, bro! Ah, he's back.
I'm also coming to the conclusion that you have no fucking idea what you're talking about.
You know, I've been taking your terrible advice for years.
And it's led me nowhere.
Um Yeah, I--I-- Yeah, I know.
You know? Uh Yeah, um, I'm really sorry.
(sighs) Look, man.
We haven't been as close over this past year, but I've changed, like, a lot.
Um, believe it or not, like, I'm mostly spouting this, like, macho bullshit for your benefit.
It's like our thing, and I didn't want to, like, mess with the dynamic, you know? (sighs) The truth is, hanging out with Nicole has, like, given me this, like, whole new perspective.
Like, check this out.
Like, women are people too.
Like, their thoughts and feelings should be considered as equally as ours.
Like, when I realized that shit, it was like-- (mimics explosion) And you know what else? The more I respect womankind, the stronger I am, you know what I mean? Like, I-- I am my own man now in a way that I never was before.
Like-- My set's over.
Come on.
Fetch my coat.
Let's go.
Yes, Mommy.
Move your ass.
(smacks, Dan gasps, laughs) I'll see you later.
(horn music) I know what I have to do.
Just gimme that Water (stomach growling) I need food.
(chomping) I need a bed.
(shivering) I need a warm bed.
(hammering) I need a house.
(upbeat music) I need a car.
(exhales) I need a washing machine, a big sofa, a microwave, a toaster, a doormat, a pasta maker.
I need a bigger car.
I need new clothes.
Lots of clothes.
I need a haircut.
I need to do my nails.
I need to shave.
I need more shoes.
Red flat ones, black heels, blue sneakers, green boots.
I need to stop.
I need a boyfriend.
(somber music) I need to cuddle.
I need to share.
I need excitement.
(smooch) I need a lover.
- Mm, mm - Oh, yeah.
(woman sobbing) I need to forget.
I need a friend.
(phone ringing, vibrating) I need more friends.
Lots of friends.
(thumping club music) I need to be alone.
(pensive music) I need to learn how to be alone.
I need to create.
(chittering) (warbling) I need to create something good.
Abortion is murder.
Abortion is murder! Abortion is murder! - Hi.
- Hello.
Um I'm wondering, um, if I'd be able-- I didn't-- Sorry.
What's that? I'd like to just If I'd be able to get a What do you need? An STD test.
Okay.
Fill this out, and bring it back.
Okay.
(indistinct chatter) (women speaking Spanish) (phone ringing) (indistinct chatter) - Here you go.
- Thanks.
(women speaking Spanish) Hey.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Come here.
(chuckles) Here, I'll just move.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
(both chuckle) - Hey.
- Hey.
- How are ya? - Great.
How are you doing? - Great.
- Great.
It's so crazy, like, seeing you outside of the office.
- Right? - For once.
- Yeah.
- It's so cool.
How's your weekend going? Uh Really good, actually.
Yeah? Good.
I found a brunch spot.
Oh.
Really? Mm-hmm.
- Good, good, good.
- Mm-hmm.
Murderer! (woman speaks in Spanish) You are a murderer.
(woman sighs) (women speaking Spanish) So--so did you have to do any work this weekend? - Maria del Carmen.
- Um - (speaking Spanish) - You can head back now.
(traffic whirring) Did you understand what they were saying? Uh, no.
I don't know, I feel like I should've given her, like, a hug or something.
I know, right? (door creaking) Whore! - That's what you-- - Fuck you! That's what you will be if you go in there! (man yelling indistinctly) Hey, I'm here for an STD test.
Fill this out, and bring it back.
(bird chirping) (pattering thuds) (upbeat jazzy music) Paige! Paige! (panting) (buzzer buzzing) (panting) Hello? (gasps) Hey.
Hi.
Hey, yeah, hi, it's Jerome.
Hi.
- Look-- - (static) - Jerome? - (Jerome coughs) Yeah, so I say, it's six inches, all right; you just got to measure it diagonally.
Hel-- Hello? Hello? Shit.
(plastic bag rustles) You know, I--I've--I've been doing a lot of thinking.
- Uh-- - (static) Wait, what? I've just been too emotional my entire life.
And there's been one emotion that's ruled among the rest.
It's--it's been fear.
Yo, my man.
Uh, is this gonna take long? I--I need to use the buzzer.
Sorry.
Anyway, I don't know.
I don't know, Paige, I just let fear totally rule my life.
Because I was scared of getting the thing I want, because if you have the thing you want, then-- then you can lose the thing you want.
And that--that's why I put myself in these positions where I was just told "no, no, no," all the time.
That's why I'd always-- always pressure you to, like, move in with me.
And then when you finally agreed to move in with me, I said no because I was scared, but I'm done-- I am done letting fear hijack my life.
I love you.
I love you, Paige Turner.
And I don't want to lose you.
- (static crackling) - Wonderful times we had together like-- I got you that astronaut ice cream.
And then that time you had that rumbly tummy and then-- My man! My phone is dead, dog.
I just need to use the buzzer.
Shut the fuck up! Please! I'm in a groove! I'm so sorry about that.
I don't--I didn't mean to-- I'm just trying to come to terms with this whole thing, and I know I don't deserve you, but I really love you a lot, so maybe open the door, we-- - (door thuds) - Oh.
Jerome? Hey.
I thought that was you.
What do you mean? Of course it's me.
Well, um, the intercom's down, so-- I just gave you the whole speech.
You didn't hear any of it? A whole what? I can't hear what you're saying.
Yeah, I-- I think he might be losing his voice.
He was talking to that thing for a very long time.
Then he started screaming at me pretty hard.
What did he say? "Dude, shut the fuck up! - I'm in a groove.
" - No, what did he say to me? Oh, well, basically he's got a lot of emotional problems.
I mean, he's very scared of a lot of shit, not like real scary shit like spiders and clowns and snakes and shit, but like, man fear, like, of feelings and dating.
And stuff like that.
He used to think that he wanted that shit, but then he found out that he was scared.
But because he realized he was scared, he's not scared anymore.
And it actually makes sense when you think about it.
Oh, and he said repeatedly that he loves you.
Is that right? (mouths words) Yeah, um, uh, you think you could let me in? It's--it's very cold out here.
I've-- And--and he wants to know if you still want to move in together.
Oh, Jerome.
Yes.
(laughs) But first you really need to see a therapist.
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
No problem.
For sure.
(relaxing music) Just gimme that Water Just gimme that Water Babe Talking your shit Rocking your hips Locking your lips Like, babe Water Just gimme that Water -(clear music) - Yes