Carter (2018) s01e08 Episode Script

1 (BIRDS CHIRPING) RADIO DJ: Good morning, Bishop! Blaster 109.
7.
We have got some special guests in the (SIGHING) (LOON CALLING) Oh! (CHUCKLING) Hey! What's up, Dave? Early bird catches the fish? Me? Nah.
Just wanted to get your advice on something.
I'm thinking about getting a tattoo.
Is that ridiculous? Am I too old to be hopping on the tattoo train? Hey, Harley.
Maybe I should just get a temporary tattoo.
See if I like it.
Hey.
Harley? Why didn't you tell me about this? RADIO DJ: Good morning, Bishop! Good morning.
Did you forget that night time is sleeping time? Had kind of a rough one last night, Dot.
Nothing your award-winning coffee can't fix.
RADIO DJ: You're listening to Clifford and the Ape on Blaster, 109.
7.
- (KLAXON BLARING) - (MONKEY CHATTERING) That's right, Bishop.
Another Harley Carter sighting.
This time at a crime scene up at High Point.
I mean, come on.
This guy has been pretending that he's real police for too long.
Mark, you are on the air.
MARK: Carter's a disgrace.
A spoiled Hollywood jerk.
He's spitting on the police department and he's spitting on the taxpayer.
We solved that High Point case in record time.
The husband was standing over the wife's body screaming, "I did it.
" Well, yeah.
Come on.
They can't all be Agatha Christie.
Wh what are you listening to this crap for anyway? I'm waiting for the rock trivia contests.
Liar.
Name one rock band.
- The Beatles.
- Name one more.
Phantom of the Opera.
She likes to listen to what they say about you.
You have to know your enemies.
Dot, I don't have any enemies.
CLIFFORD: Hey, Ape, what's the name of that smokestack partner he's got? APE: Detective Sam Shaw.
(PURRING) CLIFFORD: Okay, so let me get this straight.
He leaves his wife so he can hop into a squad car for some hot fuzz.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Did I call that? Did they just say that I left my wife to be with Sam? APE: Hold on, Clifford.
We have another caller.
It's Harley Carter's agent! Okay.
Hey, guys.
I know you're having your fun.
(LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY) But I know Detective Shaw, and her and Harley's relationship is strictly professional.
Didn't they grow up together? Well, yeah.
Harley left Hollywood.
No, no.
He is on hiatus.
To solve crimes with his childhood friend, Sam Shaw.
Who just happens to be the hottest woman in Bishop.
- Vijay, Vijay, don't.
- Never married - Vijay.
- No steady guy.
Maybe she's just waiting for her childhood sweetheart to come home.
No, they are not sweethearts! Vijay, Vijay, shut up! So they hate each other's guts? Of course not.
They they love each other They love each other! Oh, no! No no, they love each other like friends, like like friends.
You heard it here first! It's a Blaster 109.
7 exclusive! Where is he? - Where is he? - I can see him.
Now would be the chance to fire him.
I'm not gonna fire him.
You should at least make him cry.
That's your job, Dot.
Wh What are you doing?! I was trying to run damage control.
Don't run damage control by causing more damage! You know what? I'll fix it.
No, you won't, okay? Just let it die.
They'll move onto something else.
They always do.
Do you think Detective Shaw was listening? Let's hope, for our sakes, she was not.
- I'll call her.
- No, you won't.
I'm confiscating this as a dangerous weapon.
Oh! (CHUCKLING) Hey, you remember back in high school you used to read all those books about interpreting dreams because you kept having that one recurring nightmare? Oh, God, yeah.
The one where I had to go to the bathroom real bad.
Yeah, that's it, yeah! And there was only one toilet and it was out in the open.
Right, I remember now.
The middle of the gym.
Okay, I got it.
During a pep rally.
Again, I remember.
What did that dream mean? Something about my inability to express my emotions.
R-really? Wh what does that have to do with going pee in public? You know what? Just just never mind.
What does it mean if you have a dream where your friend gets killed and it's kind of your fault? That means that you're trying to kill off an unnecessary part of yourself.
Really? No! Dream interpretation is junk.
It doesn't mean anything.
It just means what you want it to.
Who died? You.
Me? Okay, then it definitely means something.
What? What does it mean? Tell me! Nothing! Oh, my God.
Wait, unless Do you want to kill me? No.
Then it doesn't mean anything.
Thanks, Dave.
You're a real help.
You're a real straight shooter.
That's why I come to you.
(KNOCKING) Knock, knock! What are you doing here? We don't have any open cases.
Just, uh, seeing if you needed a hand.
Well, I've got two court appearances.
In the next three weeks, I have to tag 57 exhibits and cross-reference my notes and prep for the prosecution.
Okay, well, uh, seems like you got a handle on it.
What's on your mind, Harley? Um, I-I-I was just wondering if, um, you know that gym that you're always, um, you're always sparring at? I-I was just wondering if you were, um, there this morning.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Do you want to know if I was listening to the radio while I was doing my sparring? No, no.
Nah.
Or if I heard your agent talking to Clifford and the Ape? Oh, he he was on he was on there? Do I look like I care what some idiot says about me on the radio? Look, Vijay meant well.
No, I'm talking about those other two jerks.
Please, it's background noise.
Besides, "smokestack partner.
" I mean, there are worse things I could be called.
Yeah, but you You're not upset about the other stuff that they said? MAN: Detective! Something's going on.
CLIFFORD: What the hell are you doing, man?! APE: Clifford, are you okay?! CLIFFORD: Get off me, you maniac! APE: Say something if you're okay! This has gotta be one of their pranks, right? - I don't know shh, shh.
- CLIFFORD: Put that down! (THUDDING, GRUNTING) APE: Oh, my God! Clifford! Did we just hear what I think we heard? - Where's the booth? - Oh, it's It's right over there! Are you the cops? - Where's Clifford? - What are you doing here? He's at his house! But he was attacked on air.
He broadcasts from his home studio.
Whoever attacked him did it there! He must be in trouble.
He's not answering his phone.
Well, what about his partner, the Ape? Where is he? I'm the Ape! We've gotta go! Leave it to the police, Mr.
Ape.
(SIRENS WAILING) (SIRENS WAILING) Okay, you go around back and I'll take the front.
Sam! SAM: Put your hands up! Do it, now.
- I didn't do anything.
- Where is Clifford Branly? - I don't know! - All right, get her in the car.
- Keep an eye on her.
You're with me.
- Yeah.
(MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY) Love you Like I do Okay, you clear down here.
- I'll go up.
- All right.
Baby, I You're just like an angel Out of the blue So why do I cry? Why do I sigh? When I know Deep down inside What you told me Was just Another lie.
Hey, Rafalski says the house is clear.
Nobody's downstairs.
Yup, nobody up here, either.
Well, what do you mean? Isn't this his studio? Looks like, but if he was attacked here, where's the body? The door was open when I got here.
I called out.
Nobody answered, so, you know, I-I went in.
How do you know Mr.
Branly? Oh, I don't.
I don't know Clifford.
Not really.
Well, then, what were you doing here? He asked me to come here to say he was sorry.
What for? Uh uh, it was like, this stupid thing three years ago.
Clifford and the Ape took an inappropriate picture of me at the Blaster Beach Bash.
They posted it up online.
It wasn't a big deal.
I was I was surprised that he called.
What is the Blaster Beach Bash? Oh, it's a bunch of idiots trying to turn Bishop into Daytona Beach.
Oh, I've been to the real thing.
It's pretty cool there if you can get over the fact that every grain of sand smells like urine.
Detective.
- Yeah? - Yeah? We're ready for you.
Okay, uh, we may need to ask you a few more questions.
Of course.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING ON POLICE RADIO) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) Tell me what you see.
What, something on the carpet? WES: It's what's not here that's interesting.
I found these fibers tangled up in the wheels of that office chair, and judging by the colours and quality, I'm betting there was another rug here.
SAM: Perfect for rolling up a body.
You show me a bloody carpet and I can tell you if it used to be on this floor.
And you didn't find any blood? Not yet.
We're still looking.
SAM: Great, let me know what you find.
It sounded like he got hit pretty hard on the radio.
But we have no proof that the assault actually happened.
Yeah, it could have been a prank.
Which would explain why there was no body, a bunch of things knocked over, a missing carpet to make it look good, but no blood.
Oh, oh, oh, oh! Hey, uh, Wes.
Let me see your, um, uh, uh flashlight.
Where's your kit? Oh, yeah.
Here we go.
Put that back, okay? - That's property of the - Oh, yeah.
There we go.
There we go.
Castoff patterns.
Tough to see, but they are there! Look! That could be anything.
Um, including castoff patterns.
What are you thinking? All right, we heard four blows on the radio.
The first one, the guy hits the floor.
The next three, the killer brings their arm up, flicking blood on the ceiling.
Three distinct, medium velocity patterns, tails pointing away from the source.
But we don't even know if that's blood.
Anybody using Google could figure out how to fake those patterns.
Okay, for now, we have two prongs.
One, we are treating this as a suspicious disappearance.
Two, an idiotic prank.
- And we will - Take a closer look.
- Of course.
- Okay.
Let me know what you find.
HARLEY: Oh, yeah.
What, did you binge-watch Forensic Files? No, Principles of A Crime Scene Reconstruction, 3rd Edition.
I got it on Amazon.
- (CLICKING FLASHLIGHT) - All right, here you go.
Okay, thank you.
I got it.
I'll take it.
Thank you.
Clifford Branly, 42 years old.
Graduated from Ryerson journalism, 1996.
Worked at various newspapers until he got into radio in 2005.
Came to Bishop in 2012.
No wife, no children, no relationship that we know of.
Uh, most of his family is out west and haven't talked to him for several years.
He is currently considered missing.
Have you canvassed? Yes, we have his description out to all the motels, hotels and restaurants.
If he checks in, we'll know it.
If this is a joke, I don't get it.
These muttonheads on the radio will do anything to get attention.
If it is the real deal, whoever did this knew that he broadcast out of his house.
We should be looking at station employees.
Yeah, about that.
Uh, we need to tread lightly.
Why? John Diamond.
He owns the radio station.
He owns the golf course.
He owns the gravel pits outside of town.
And, uh, he's also the mayor's husband.
Right.
And I'm just gonna cut to the chase here folks Nobody at the station, not me, not any of the employees knows anything about what's going on.
If you don't mind, I prefer to do my job myself, Mr.
Diamond.
I'm, you know, a little funny that way.
So, you know Clifford.
What's your opinion? Is this a stunt? Maybe.
If it is, it's too far.
It's a black eye on Bishop and I don't need the headache.
Yeah, neither does your wife.
Grace has never put her nose in my business.
I don't know how you two do it.
Do what? Juggle the work relationship with the other thing.
No, there is no other thing.
Yeah, we we do it by not doing it.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, sorry.
Just not what I heard.
Well, you of all people should know you can't believe everything you hear on the radio.
So, Clifford.
Was there any bad blood between him and others at the station? Clifford has a way of getting under everybody's skin.
That's why we're so popular.
That's why people tune in.
What about the listeners? He had a habit of rubbing them the wrong way.
Sure.
We get all sorts of nut-job callers.
Do you keep track of those? Well, everything's recorded.
We've got a whole library of "Clifford should be off the air permanently" type calls.
Close.
Hold me close Hold me close 'cause I love you All right, it's time for another traffic update.
Let's go to Terry Tanliff in the Blaster One traffic chopper.
(HELICOPTER WHIRRING) (IMITATING VOICE:) Okay, thanks a lot, Nigel.
Yeah, we've got a snarl on Highway 22, uh, just south of the Matooah Bridge.
Expect delays.
Well, thanks a lot there, Terry.
Now it's time for a blast of Blaster News.
(KLAXON BLARING) So, there's no actual chopper.
Yeah, but some folks claim they have seen it in the air.
People believe what they wanna believe.
Hmm.
So, how's the case going? No body.
But a lot of suspects.
- Well, that's Clifford.
- Is this a prank? Well, if it is, I'd like to kick his ass for not letting me in on it.
I mean, everyone in town is paying attention.
You don't seem too worried.
Well, people have been threatening Clifford for years.
- And nothing's happened yet.
- So, Mr.
Diamond said that you keep tapes of some of these threatening calls? Oh, oh, yeah.
How far back do you wanna go? Let's go back a month.
All right.
Let's see.
Oh.
Oh, yeah, this guy.
Yeah, he was a piece of work.
He was a big fan of yours, though.
MAN: Harley Carter is a genius - and a bright and shining supernova.
- Hmm, yeah.
He's giving back to the community.
You couldn't lick Harley Carter's shoes.
CLIFFORD: Sure I can.
I'm licking one right now like a Popsicle.
(SLURPING) I bet you want the other one.
MAN: It's not gonna be so funny when I pull your tongue out.
CLIFFORD: How you gonna do that, tough guy? MAN: I'm gonna put your head in a vice, pry your jaws open with a stainless steel ruler, and use slip-joint pliers to rip it out.
If you see a van on the street, that will be me, waiting for you.
You didn't report that? We get these all the time.
It would take a full-time cop to handle them all.
(CELL PHONE DINGING) Yeah, well, it's different now.
I'm sorry, we we have to go.
Thank you for your time.
SAM: Okay, and that's how he was found? Yup.
Couple of teenage lovebirds saw the body wash up.
Evidently, it ruined the mood.
My guess is the body got dumped in the lake.
Whatever was anchoring it down broke off, and the body washed up.
Blunt force trauma, just like you thought.
You okay? It reminds me of the dream I just had.
The blood on the studio ceiling was confirmed as Clifford's.
So he was killed there and then moved.
Any signs of a murder weapon? There was a trophy missing from the trophy case.
It was heavy enough and close at hand, but we have not found it yet.
- It's right here.
- Suspects? Just a threatening voice on the radio that thinks, uh, Harley is a supernova.
What about you, Carter? No, uh, crazy theories from season three, episode 11 of your show? Uh, that ep was about horse thieves.
Is he even paying attention anymore? Harley, what are you doing? I am checking out some Call Carter fan pages.
Oh, don't let us disturb you.
We'll just move our murder investigation into another room.
Oh, here it is! "Bright and shining supernova.
" It's amazing.
It's like we're not even here.
No, that's exactly what the caller said before he threatened Clifford.
He posted a comment on a Call Carter fan site.
"Harley, you are the moon, the stars and the sun.
You are a bright and shining supernova.
" And he lives in Bishop.
It's signed "Free Wheeler.
" Get that post traced.
- Get an address.
- Yeah.
Good work.
It's a good thing I read my own comments.
Sam, I know you said these morning show jocks don't bother you, but what about EMT Rick, your boyfriend? He's kind of a big guy.
Well, Rick and I broke up.
From the morning show thing? No, it was many different reasons, Harley, but none of them were you.
Well, why didn't you tell me? Well, because, for one, you never asked, and two, we don't talk about that kind of stuff.
We never have.
Yeah, we do! Name one time you've ever talked to me about somebody you were dating.
Uh, name one time you've ever told me about a new guy.
You just proved my point.
Now, tell me, does this van look like it would be good for transporting a body? (DOG BARKING) (KNOCKING) Ma'am, I'm here for Jeremy VanSloot.
Is he home? You got a warrant? We we just wanna talk to him.
Well, what if he doesn't wanna talk? Well, this is the easy way.
You want the hard way, there are a bunch more of us down at the station.
I could come back with them and the warrant.
- Back room.
- SAM: Thank you.
JEREMY: Where are you going, buddy, huh? Huh, come, you think you got me? You can't get me.
Come on, come on, huh? Yeah, there he is, okay.
Round two, huh? Jeremy VanSloot? (MUMBLING) Come on, let's go.
Wow! You're even better-looking in person.
And you are not quite what we pictured.
I have a tattoo of your face on my lower back.
You wanna see it? Uh, firstly, no.
Secondly, I'm questioning your placement.
Third of all, let's focus on the police detective in the room who is about to arrest you.
What you said on the radio about Clifford was illegal.
- You know that.
- It was a joke.
Pretty funny, right? Your punchline was threatening to pull his tongue out with pliers.
(VOICE DISTORTED:) Yeah, totally made everyone flip out.
Facebook and Twitter lit up, man, it was hilarious! A scream.
Also a criminal offence.
Is that your van outside? (COMPUTER BEEPING) (IN HARLEY'S VOICE:) Bro, totally tricked out.
Got the levers for the gas and brake.
(COMPUTER BEEPING) Do you want to go for a ride with me? What is that program? Can anyone download it? - Yeah, yeah.
- Did you go to Clifford's house? Well, he wouldn't stop slagging you, so I decided to scare him a little, you know? I went at night, parked under a street lamp and revved the engine a couple of times.
(IMITATING ENGINE REVVING) It was for you, bro.
Okay, new directive.
Next time you wanna do something for me, just go make me a sandwich.
What kind? You got it.
Did you see Clifford? Yeah, some chick came.
She was pretty hot, actually.
He let her in, and then I left.
The night before he was attacked? Yeah.
SAM: Are you okay? I guess.
I've just never been involved with anything like this.
Hey, um, can you tell us a little more about this Beach Bash thing? The, uh, reason Clifford wanted to apologize? I was wearing a white t-shirt and they sprayed me with a water gun.
The picture they took went viral, super fast.
So, if that was three years ago, then you would have been Yeah, my parents freaked.
They took me out of school, made me go live in Sudbury with one of my aunts.
I came back a month ago.
And that's when you started to see Clifford? What? No, that's that's crazy, I You spent the night.
We have a witness.
Okay, fine, but I-I-I wasn't supposed to be there.
It was just a hook-up.
My dad's gonna lose his mind.
If he hasn't already.
He's suing the station for the wet t-shirt thing.
If they find out that I was with Clifford, then the whole lawsuit's gonna go out the window.
Why don't you just tell us what happened inside the house? You know, we baked a few cookies.
Oh, yeah.
You mean, uh, smoking the drugs? Intercourse.
Are you kidding me? Baking cookies means doing it? That no, no, no.
What you what? You mix the dough.
Not sexual.
You knead the dough.
That is, I guess, vaguely So, then what happened? Um Clifford gets all weird.
He pulls out two tickets to New York City.
He says, "Let's go on an adventure.
" So I'm like, "Sure, whatever.
" I go back to my place and I grab my passport and my clothes.
You can check the cameras in my parking garage.
We will.
Is that it? You tell me.
Yeah.
Except for the phone call.
What phone call? As I was leaving, Clifford was on the phone yelling at some guy, telling him to go 'F' himself and stuff like that.
And stuff like that.
All I can remember is Clifford saying something like, "You can't threaten me anymore.
The deal is done.
" - What deal? - I don't know.
Rafalski, what does the term 'baking cookies' mean to you? It depends.
Depends on what? Time of day.
I mean, Saturday night means hot sex, huh? Wow, I really need to work on my millennial.
Hey.
I got Clifford's phone records.
There was only phone call at 11:14pm for 14 minutes, nothing else.
Any name attached to that number? The owner of The Blaster, 109.
7, the mayor's husband.
John Diamond.
Pretty late to be making a work call.
I'll give a shout when I can him back down here.
So, you figure out why you tried to kill me in your dream yet? Yeah, I think it's because you make an extremely weak cortado.
Oh, remind to start charging you for those.
What did Sam say? Sam said that dreams are just epiphenomenon, and when we sleep, our brains become more imagistic and less linear.
And I'm guessing that's when you stopped paying attention.
No, I-I actually started to think, "Is it epiphenomena, epiphenomenon or epiphenomenons"? What's the plural of that word? That's when I really checked out.
Right.
Well, uh, duty calls.
Be right with you, folks.
- Oh, okay.
- Vijay.
Ooh, okay, I had to pull some real long strings to get you that.
So, uh, can I have my phone back? Is this what I think it is? Yep, the reason why Clifford was so hot to get to New York.
So, about that phone.
Remember what I said.
Keep the weapon holstered, got it, Oh, I missed you.
Is that your number? Cell phone.
When we spoke, you didn't mention that you had called Clifford.
I call my employees all the time.
It's part of running a business.
Why would I mention it? A few hours before Clifford was killed on-air? You don't think that's relevant? No.
What did you talk about? We traded Bundt cake recipes.
Oh, no, um, the kids today call it 'baking cookies.
' I didn't know, either.
We talked business, that's it.
Business that included threatening Clifford hours before his murder? Who told you I threatened him? A witness.
Hey, how are those, uh, morning show ratings? On-air murder? They've gotta be going through the roof.
So, what what are you saying? I'd kill my number one DJ just so I can charge Marge's AutoShop an extra $50 bucks per ad? Oh, maybe if your number one DJ was leaving, yeah.
HARLEY: Hey, you know what this is here? This is Clifford's contract for a morning spot on satellite radio in New York.
Your number one DJ leaves, takes his good ratings with him.
The station takes a huge hit.
I threatened Clifford with a lawsuit for breach of contract, not murder.
So why didn't you say that to begin with? Because he threatened me back.
And what do you mean? A few months ago, we had an employee at the station.
Things got complicated between her and the boys.
How complicated? There were allegations of assault, and instead of taking it to the police, I made it worth her while to leave.
So you paid her off.
This assault, was it the sort of thing someone would wanna get even for? You should probably ask her that.
Harley.
So nice to see you.
Mayor Hamilton.
This investigation, it's a horrible time for the city.
Was my husband helpful? Uh I'm I'm so sorry, Mayor.
I'm I'm not really allowed to talk about that.
Of course.
Can't blame a concerned wife for trying.
Yeah, actually, I might have an idea.
What if, in this case, you did rely on your celebrity? What if Harley Carter, Hollywood star, gets you the clue that might help you solve the case? Thanks again, Harley.
Hey.
The woman that John paid off, the one that wants to sue Clifford and the Ape, I found out where she works.
You coming? No.
The mayor just gave me a great idea.
Okay, divide and conquer.
Let's go.
Good morning Bishop.
Blaster 109.
7, and we've got some special guests with us in the studio today.
Harley Carter has joined us.
Hello, hello.
And with Harley is his best friend and local entrepreneur, Dave Leigh.
Uh, hey Bishop.
Nigel, thank you so much for letting us be here.
As you know, we're working with the Bishop PD to try and get Clifford's killer.
Now, if any of your listeners have any information, we would love if they would call in.
All right, Bishop.
It's up to you.
The phone lines are open.
Let's catch a killer! (EXPLOSION SOUNDING) SAM: Laurel Henzan? Detective Shaw.
Your supervisor told me I could find you out here.
I was hoping that we could talk.
Of course.
This is about Clifford's murder, isn't it? Yes.
I was wondering when you'd show up.
MAN: It was dark, so I can't be sure, but I'm pretty sure I saw him put both bodies in a boat.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Did you say both bodies? Clifford's body and Harley's body.
Then he rode out into the middle of the lake.
Hold on a second.
You you know that I'm Harley Carter, right? I'm talking about Harley Carter.
Again, I'm Harley Carter.
Are you calling me a liar?! (CHUCKLING) Thanks for the call, Allan.
Well, so far we have four mysterious men and a marriage proposal for Harley.
Yeah, thanks, Bishop.
Let's keep those calls coming in.
We'll be right back.
(MUSIC PLAYING) You know, you could could say something.
Yeah, well, maybe if I got a marriage proposal, - I'd have something to say.
- Yeah, well, all you've said so far is, "Uh, hello, uh, Bishop.
" You know what? Maybe I'm nervous.
You're the star, all right? I'm just here to support.
Hey, what are all those tapes for? Everything I need for the show is in here Commercials, pre-taped bits, sound effects.
You take them home with you? Yeah, the no-talents around here would steal all my best material if I gave them a chance.
Everything you hear in this show, all the ideas, Clifford's best lines, I wrote it all.
This stuff is mine.
(CLINKING) We went out a couple of times, and at first, it was great.
He was sweet, charming.
Nothing like what you hear on the radio.
- And then? - I don't know.
I broke it off.
That's when it started.
What happened? Those phone calls.
Texts.
A lot of them.
And when I ignored them, it got worse.
And is that when the radio station got involved, when you threatened to sue Clifford? This wasn't about him.
It was Nigel who made all the threats.
We're back on Blaster 109.
7 with international television star, Harley Carter and his friend and sidekick, barista Dave.
I'm not a sidekick.
Well, you get Harley coffee.
You come running when he calls.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Dave has actually had a gun pointed at him.
Yeah, on numerous occasions.
He was cattle prodded.
Cattle prodded.
I had a cattle prod all over me.
It was like (IMITATING BUZZING) He's more than just a sidekick.
Hey, he he almost got blown up by a bomb.
Actually, again, that was both of us.
We both almost got blown up by a bomb.
But you, it almost really No, but I defused it.
Wow.
Well, congratulations.
- Your bromance is making me all teary.
- (CELL PHONE DINGING) You know what I need is a refreshing dip back into the pond of our callers.
Actually, I don't think we have to do that.
Why? Because I have a pretty good idea as to who the killer is.
All right, Detective Carter.
- Who did it? - Someone with the perfect alibi.
Someone who was miles away when it all went down.
Me? (LAUGHING SOUND EFFECT) Thousands of listeners know where I am every morning between 6:00 and 10:00am.
They knew the where.
They just didn't know the when.
Let's play the murder again.
CLIFFORD: What the hell are you doing, man? NIGEL: Clifford, are you okay? CLIFFORD: Get off me, you maniac! NIGEL: Say something if you're okay! Clifford, what is happening in there? - CLIFFORD: Put that down! - (THUDDING, CLUNKING) Clifford, oh my God! Clifford! I had my string-pulling agent call up the airlines.
It turns out Clifford was supposed to fly to New York at 10:00am the day he was killed.
He would have missed his show, but he wanted to do one final broadcast, his big goodbye to Bishop.
So, Clifford recorded it earlier.
That's right.
There was a missing digital cassette at Clifford's house His recorded part of the show.
You killed Clifford.
You took that digital cassette, and you edited the whole show together.
He says, "Can I get some advice?" Here's my advice.
Don't do a podcast.
Do something else.
Find a better hobby because I'm telling you something, not What the hell are you doing, man?! Get off me, you maniac! Sounds pretty far-fetched to me.
Okay, Clifford kept his radio awards on his shelf.
Big, heavy things.
I looked it up; he won three.
But there were only two there, so I'm guessing it's what's making your bag pretty heavy right about now.
- Put that down! - (CLUNKING) You cut the murder into the show to give yourself the perfect alibi.
You even threw in some live calls to make it sound more authentic.
They love each other! You heard it here first.
It's a Blaster 109.
7 exclusive! And I'm betting all those live callers, other than Vijay, were voiced by you.
(VOICE DISTORTED:) Carter's a disgrace, a spoiled Hollywood jerk.
He's spitting on the police department and he's spitting on the taxpayer.
Wow, that really is the perfect alibi.
You said it yourself.
People believe what they wanna believe.
Theatre of the mind.
Why don't you show us what's in the bag? Prove us wrong.
All right.
(BAG UNZIPPING) Easy, Nigel.
Ladies and gentlemen, you are listening to the last ever episode of the morning show on Blaster 109.
7.
Let's go out with a bang.
Everybody stay where you are! Lower your weapons or I shoot him right now! All right, stand down.
Nigel, there is no way out of this for you.
Put your gun down and come out.
You know, I think I'm gonna take a caller.
Tony, you're on.
TONY: Shoot him! It'd be so freaking cool.
Why don't you shut up, Tony? We'll get through this.
Why am I the one who always has a gun pointed at him? I was wondering that myself.
It's because nobody cares about the sidekicks.
Hey! He's not my sidekick.
He's my best friend.
I thought lover girl out there was your best friend.
I have two.
I'm lucky.
Yeah.
I thought Clifford was my best friend, but when my girlfriend left me, he wasn't there.
And when he got the offer to go to New York, he made sure that I wouldn't come along.
He stole all of my best material and left me with nothing.
There's no such thing as best friends with people like you.
You know what? At the risk of aggravating you, I have to disagree.
No, no, no, Dave.
He's right.
What are you talking about? People like you, like Clifford, they don't think about all the damage they cause and the lives they ruin.
You're right, Nigel.
People like Clifford and me, we use our friends to get what we want.
Point that gun at me.
Come on, Nigel, at me.
Point it at me.
Nice try.
Get up.
Come on, barista boy.
Come on.
Nigel.
- (GUN COCKING) - Oh, God.
You see what he just did right there? That that's not good.
Let's go out together.
Sidekicks.
Nigel.
Let me just say one last thing to Dave.
Like what? Call Carter, season 3, episode 11.
Is that the one about the horse thieves? Yeah, remember how it ends? (GROANING) What the hell was that move, Harley? I can't believe it worked! Told ya, Carter, season 3, episode 11.
I mean, my stuntman did it.
I didn't do it.
I didn't realize it hurt so much.
Get it off, get it off.
(GRUNTING) Thank you.
(EXHALING SHARPLY) Best friends.
(CHUCKLING) Baby, give me that love (DOOR CLOSING) Hey, guys.
Hi.
Ooh.
Dot, bringing back fondue, nice.
I know it is your favourite.
Oh, yeah, when I was little, for sure.
It's melted cheese on everything.
How could it not be? Thank you for remembering.
You are welcome.
Do you need help? Sam, a moment? Yeah, sure.
What's up? The radio show, what they said about you? That must be very difficult.
Oh, Koji, really, it's no big deal.
To be talked about in public, to have them suggest what they suggested, I want you to know I found it very distasteful.
Thank you, Koji, but I'm an adult.
I can handle it.
But, yeah.
You know, the light that follows Harley, it can, you know, sometimes catch me off guard with how bright it is.
Now, I know you had nothing to do with what happened to Harley's marriage.
That was purely Harley's foolishness.
Yeah, and I sure as hell wasn't sitting around here, waiting for Harley to come home.
Sure.
Koji, I have had my share of relationships.
They just haven't worked out.
You know, maybe I haven't found the right guy yet.
I'm not disagreeing with you.
That's not the same as agreeing.
HARLEY: Oh, I lost it.
DAVE: You don't have it.
I lost my bread.
I lost it.
DAVE: You sucker! All right, I'm taking the last piece of fondue, guys.
Be my guest.
I wasn't asking you.
I was telling you.
Wow.
Hey, you know what? Maybe go on gentle on me.
I had a gun pointed at me today.
Oh, Dave.
I'm so sorry about that.
You know maybe my dream was a warning that if I keep pushing my luck, there's only one place left for it to go.
So, what? We should just break up the band because of your dream? Well, you did almost get killed, again.
I dragged Sam into this whole mess with the whole radio thing.
No, I told you, that's just noise.
I mean, that really has nothing to do with you and me.
But still.
I think maybe my dream is telling me to stop taking advantage of my friends.
You know when they say you're worried, you're going crazy, you're not? Well, I'm not worried that I'm crazy.
What does that tell you? No, no.
What I-I mean to say is the same goes for selfish, Harley.
When you're worried about it as much as you are, I'd say it probably means you're not.
And also, there's no way I'm missing out on this.
Me neither.
But maybe next time you're with Harley, you'll wear a vest.
Or you could just give me my gun back.
Or a vest.
Okay, I'm gonna get this.
Watch this.
So close.
Oh! (LAUGHING) Mm.
DAVE: Really not that exciting.
SAM: It's really not.
(HARLEY CHUCKLING) Jackpot! DAVE: I'm so impressed, that's great.
You make me feel alive again 'Cause all I know You make me feel alive again Ooh Oh Ooh, ah, oh, oh Ooh Oh, oh, oh It's all I know You make me feel alive again You make me feel alive again! It's all I know You make me feel alive again Oh, you make me feel alive again