Central Park (2020) s01e08 Episode Script

1
- [LIGHT PIANO STARTS]
- [CLICKING]
And send.
Oh-ho! Sending you this.
[MOLLY] Yep, totally.
Can't believe I found my soul mate
he's perfect and he's mine ♪
And he's mine ♪
He is everything that I had
always dreamed I'd find ♪
There's still a lot
to learn about him ♪
Our love is so complex ♪
So complex ♪
I know his name is Brendan
something and he likes to text ♪
Even though we don't
we don't talk in person ♪
We're both, we're both
I think, in eighth grade ♪
I know, I know I am in
a perfect relationship ♪
Until I learn, learn his last name ♪
I'll write Mrs.
Brendan on everything ♪
I want the world to know
I'm in a perfect relationship ♪
I know we're new but
have great memories ♪
Like any couple should ♪
Yeah, they should ♪
Like that time I asked, "What's up?" ♪
And you answered, "Pretty good" ♪
We laughed and laughed ♪
Sometimes I think I am dreaming ♪
Could this be real life? ♪
It's so real ♪
And when she sent that shrimp
emoji I knew I'd found my wife ♪
Even though I don't I
don't know her last name ♪
I think we're both
both in eighth grade ♪
I know, I know I am in
a perfect relationship ♪
We don't, we don't talk in person ♪
- But he is ♪
- She is ♪
My everything ♪
I want the world to know
I'm in a perfect relationship ♪
- Yeah, I'm in a perfect relationship ♪
- Perfect relationship ♪
- Yeah, I'm in a perfect relationship ♪
- Perfect relationship ♪
I'm in a perfect relation ♪
- I'm in a perfect relationship ♪
- I'm in a perfect relationship ♪
- We don't, we don't talk in person ♪
- Talk in person ♪
- He is my everything ♪
- She's my everything ♪
I want the world to know ♪
- I'm in a perfect relationship ♪
- I'm in a perfect relationship ♪
Eh, it's not really perfect.
It may not even technically
be a relationship,
and soon they'll run out of emojis,
and who knows what happens then?
What you need to know is that what
they don't know about each other
would give them total
surprise face emoji,
and that's what we call foreshadowing.
Whoo! Oh, and speaking of surprises,
Bitsy has a big one
planned for Owen and Paige.
Bam! Double foreshadow. Eight-shadow.
Now go, go, go, go, go, go!
[ELWOOD ON RADIO] Owen,
sorry to interrupt your dinner,
but I'm at the blacksmith.
Wanted to let you know he finished
the repair on the Vanderbilt Gates,
and we're gonna install
it in the morning.
That's great, Elwood. Thank you, Jimmy!
- Owen says, "Thank you, Jimmy".
- I can hear him.
[OWEN] He can hear me,
Elwood. It's a radio.
Is there anything else?
- He also made me a sword.
- Yeah?
- Can I keep it?
- Sure.
Oh, phew. Okay. Good night, Owen.
Tell your family "good night".
Okay. They can hear you,
but I'll-I'll tell them.
There she is. I was worried we
were never gonna see you again.
Also, I was worried about our data plan.
Were you up there texting
with Brendan this whole time?
- [SIGHS]
- Aw, that sigh.
You have your father's love sigh.
Same pitch and everything.
Should we throw water in her
face or some mashed potatoes?
Wow. You really like
this boy, huh, Molly?
You really like this boy. Sorry,
I don't know why I said that.
Yeah, I really like this boy, a lot.
Brendan's a good egg. He
should come over sometime.
We could have bacon. Get
it? 'Cause I said "good egg"?
I don't know why I said good
egg. I don't say good egg.
Have him over, yeah.
- Wait, no, no, no.
- Great idea, Cole. That sounds fun.
What do you think, Owen? Seems
like a thing parents should do.
Meet the random boy their
daughter met in the park.
[OWEN] Yeah, right?
Molly, what if you invite him
over for dinner tomorrow night?
- It's pizza night.
- No! I mean, I don't know.
Uh, coming over here might be a lot.
I mean, we live in a weird castle,
your pizza is, mmm, challenging.
Look, I know my last couple
attempts weren't exactly
- Pizza? Sorry.
- that great.
I figured out why the center of my pizza
is always doughy and uncooked.
I didn't know the secret,
which is having a hot oven.
- Not a cold one?
- Home ovens don't go hot enough.
But for tomorrow night,
I'm gonna trick the oven.
[WHISPERS] Don't tell it,
but I'm gonna put it on broil
and leave it there, and I should
be able to get it up to 800 degrees,
maybe even hotter.
[WHISPERS] The toaster heard you,
and he's the oven's best friend.
That doesn't sound totally safe, Dad.
They wouldn't put it
online if it wasn't safe.
Yeah, that's true. Everything
online has been carefully vetted.
Also, ovens are always safe.
That's great. I love
it. Let's do this plan.
Or you don't make pizza and
Brendan doesn't come over.
Honey, what are you afraid of more,
the pizza or us embarrassing you?
There's a lot of overlap.
Molly, just ask him.
It's gonna be great.
[GROANS] Fine. Oh, look at that.
He's moving to Belize.
Can you Belize it?
- Molly.
- [MOLLY GROANS]
- Should I make a heart with mushrooms?
- [GROANS]
Don't listen to him. We're
not going to embarrass you.
Owen, should we work on a dance
to welcome Brendan into our home?
Great idea. Five, six, seven, eight!
[CHANTING] Welcome,
stranger, to our home.
Welcome, stranger, to our home.
- Welcome, stranger, to our home.
- Mom, Dad, no.
[COLE] I'm sorry, Molly,
but I have to join them.
Stranger to our home.
Welcome, stranger, to our home.
- Welcome, stranger, to our home.
- [GROANING]
While Paige, Owen and
Cole dance delightfully,
let's check in on Bitsy Brandenham
and her perfect relationship.
Everything set for the ad tomorrow?
Page four? That's fine.
Park management's gonna
freak the freak out. [LAUGHS]
Why aren't you laughing? Ugh,
never mind. That sounded forced.
Okay, bye.
Damn it, Shampagne! Did you
pee in the bed again? Why?
Pee in your own bed like a gentleman.
Helen, call the pet therapist.
Tell him it's an emergency.
He needs to be here right
after breakfast tomorrow.
- [HELEN] So, are we talking noon?
- Three. What are we, Quakers?
- Coming through.
- Yep, yep.
Augustus, you're late,
but you're a dog therapist,
so does it even matter?
Sorry. My last client
had a real breakthrough,
and we just kept jamming.
He's a Great Dane with
tail dysmorphia. Well, was.
- He died?
- No! I cured him.
So, what's the dog-mergency?
Shampagne used to sleep in
Bitsy's bed and pee on the balcony,
but now he's sleeping on the
balcony and peeing on Bitsy's bed.
- And we don't want that?
- We don't love it.
Can you tell her it's incurable,
and we should get rid of the dog?
Write him out of any
wills or living trusts
he may or may not be mentioned in?
It's very rare that I have
to recommend a TOSGANO.
- What's a TOSGANO?
- That's my little acronym.
- What's it stand for?
- "This one sucks, get a new one".
Well, how much does he have to
suck before we can get rid of him?
You've got a dog but
the situation's hairy ♪
And by that, I mean naughty
and it's getting pretty scary ♪
It don't act like a pet,
no this is a TOSGANO ♪
Let me spell it out for you
it's T-O-S-G-A-N-O ♪
This one sucks get a new one ♪
It sucks, it sucks so friggin' much
it sucks so friggin' much ♪
This one sucks get a new one ♪
I can't get rid of it fast enough ♪
I can't get rid of it fast enough! ♪
You don't need a license to
be a pet therapist, do you?
No, ma'am.
So, under what circumstances
would you recommend a TOSGANO?
Is it like, is it like ♪
- If it pees wherever it pleases? ♪
- Eh.
Won't get a job ♪
- And watches too much TV? ♪
- Uh-uh.
- What if it gives you a dumb, blank stare? ♪
- Nope.
Or flashes his lipstick
out of nowhere? ♪
That does suck but it's not enough ♪
For a TOSGANO guarantee
an H-A-B is what you need ♪
- Another acronym?
- Yes.
- Which stands for?
- "Hazardous Antisocial Behavior".
Which means
Biting. But Shampagne's
never bitten anyone, right?
Hmm. This therapist's
breath is stinkin' ♪
Like a dirty dog but
it's got me thinkin' ♪
There's a plan cooking in my
Helen melon that could be fruitful ♪
How to get rid of that shitzadoodle ♪
All my dreams will come to pass ♪
If I get Shampagne
to bite Bitsy's ass ♪
[BITSY] Oh, my God my
puppy's growling at me ♪
And it's got me yellin'
who's gonna save me? Helen! ♪
This one sucks get a new one ♪
It sucks, it sucks so friggin' much
it sucks so friggin' much ♪
This one sucks get a new one ♪
I can't get rid of it fast enough ♪
I can't get rid of it fast enough! ♪
[CHUCKLES]
Why are you laughing?
Is it because of my job?
Yes. Let's say yes.
Augustus, thank God you're here.
Shampagne's driving me crazy.
I can't deal with it. Not today.
There's too much going on.
Never fear, Augustus is here.
Your doggy troubles will be in
the rear view mirror. Sorry.
What's going on on the
human side of the couch?
You look ill. Are you very ill?
No! I'm in the best shape of my life.
The problem is Shampagne
is peeing on my parade.
This was supposed to be a great day.
Today's the day The Manhattan Dispatch
published my full-page letter.
You haven't seen it? Show him, Helen.
My dear New Yorkers,
do you remember the
Central Park that I remember?
A beautiful, leafy oasis.
Now it's an ugly blob
of trash and graffiti.
Is it just me or is there
more horse poop than usual?
Where are all those horses coming from?
Central Park is an old girl like myself,
and she needs to be taken care of.
It's time to change
its failing management
before it's so stinky that going
there makes you want to vomit.
I don't know about you,
but I don't like to vomit.
Let's do something about it, shall we?
Yours forever, Bitsy Brandenham.
She called the park
"an ugly blob of trash"?
It isn't an ugly blob of trash.
Yeah. Look who's talking, Bitsy!
And "failing management"?
I work my shorts off
for this park, literally.
I've gone through three
pairs in the last six months!
- We need to do something.
- You thinking what I'm thinking?
[OWEN CHUCKLES] We got you.
[MOLLY] Ugh, I can't believe you said
we should invite
Brendan over for dinner.
I don't know teen things.
I thought you liked the guy.
I do! [SCOFFS] It's
gonna be a nightmare.
Brendan's gonna come over
and see our weird house
and Dad doing his weird thing
and Mom doing her weird thing,
and it'll be weird, and
then he'll break up with me,
and I'll have to avoid him
in the park, which'll be hard,
because I live in the
park with my weird family.
- And your really cool brother.
- Wait, I know.
Since this is partly your fault,
you're gonna help me out tonight.
- I am?
- Yeah.
- That doesn't sound like me.
- No, no, it does.
When the conversation
gets weird or awkward,
I'm gonna give you a signal,
and you're gonna help
me change the subject.
Ooh, I do like signals.
How about you do a spit
take and drop an F-bomb?
- Maybe something subtler.
- Uh, Chewbacca sound?
How about just when I clear
my throat? [CLEARS THROAT]
Boring. So boring. I'm dying.
Chewbacca throat clear?
[IMITATES CHEWBACCA]
- How's that?
- I'm in.
- [COLE] Nice hairy mole.
- [OWEN] Thank you.
Your mom and I are declaring war
on Bitsy Brandenham's picture.
Look at this thing she put in the paper.
I can't read it. You drew all over it.
Yeah, 'cause when you mess
with us, this is what happens.
You end up with a drawing of a
fart cloud coming out of your butt?
The fart cloud is just the beginning.
Speaking of fart clouds,
who beefed in here?
What? Oh, that's just the
new yeast for my pizza dough.
Smells like a sweaty armpit and
a diaper did hot yoga together.
That's how you know it's the good stuff.
Brendan's gonna be here soon!
Dad, is the pizza gonna
taste like the yeast smells?
No. I mean, kinda.
Tonight's already going well, I think.
All right, I'm gonna put my apron on,
and I'm gonna channel
all this Bitsy-fueled anger
into a delicious pizza.
I don't think it works that way.
It's gonna work that way today.
Trust me, this pizza's
gonna be so full of rage
and the best one I've ever made.
[GROANS] And you, remember.
Tonight, you're not a reporter.
You're just a mom.
- A totally non-curious mom.
- Meaning?
Don't interview Brendan like
you're writing a book about him.
Who, what, why, where,
and when would I do that?
- Mm-mmm.
- Molly, I hear you 100%.
I was once a budding young woman who
- [GROANS] Don't say "budding".
- Okay, blossoming.
Worse! You're killing me.
I'm gonna go open windows.
Unrelated to the yeast smell.
It's just a thing that I do
so that birds can fly through.
- Cole?
- Mother.
I need a favor. If I'm not
allowed to ask questions,
I will go crazy,
- because I have questions.
- Yeah.
So what I'm gonna need you
to do is ask questions for me.
- Absolutely not.
- I'll give you five dollars.
Write down everything
you want me to ask.
Use cool-kid talk though,
so no one will know
they're old-person questions.
- Word.
- Nope.
[SIGHS] We're almost out of time.
So, total TOSGANO situation,
or what are we thinking?
Not quite. Thank you, Helen.
Bitsy, let's finish up with
a little bonding exercise.
I call this "Tongue Talk".
- Ew, no.
- Okay.
Wait, what's Tongue Talk?
Shampagne's telling you how he
feels with his pee-pee messages.
You're going to tell Shampagne
how much you love
him by licking the air.
Let's pretend for a moment
that I'm going to do that
and that I have any
moisture left on my tongue.
What would that look like?
Oh, for heaven's sake.
Helen, moisten my tongue.
- Vodka or gin?
- Never mind. I think I can do it.
Is it like this? [BABBLING]
- Oh, dear God.
- Yes, very much like that.
Do it again without any sound.
Also, I'm going to look away.
- [LOUD BABBLING]
- [AUGUSTUS] Oh, that's louder.
And that's our time. I have
to get to my next appointment.
No! We need to fix this now.
I'm so sorry. I have an
Oscar winner, a senator,
and someone whose name rhymes
with Shmady Shmaga this afternoon.
All of their pets need attention.
I'll pay you double what
they're paying No, triple!
Look at that. My schedule
just suddenly opened up.
It won't kill Smokey to eat
his own poops for another day,
unless it does.
You could've just given me
directions to your house.
I know my way around
the city pretty well.
I don't really live on
a street or in a house.
- Is this a riddle?
- Kind of.
You know that castle over there?
Where they used to store horse bones?
Yup, that's a myth
about the horse bones,
- but yeah.
- All right.
Okay, there was one horse
bone. Anyway, I live there.
- Behind the castle?
- More in it.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Why?
- My dad's the manager of Central Park,
- so that's where we live.
- Oh.
But we're not, like,
rich jerks or anything.
- People stick gum on our house.
- [CHUCKLES] Right.
Right. Why are we
saying "right" like that?
It's just, I guess I should tell
you, my family is kind of rich.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
It's fine. Totally okay.
I mean, there's rich, and
then there's, like, crazy rich.
You don't live on the top two floors
of one of those super-snobby
apartment buildings
along the park, right?
- Top three floors.
- Ah.
Well, I mean, you don't,
like, fly on private planes
to ski in Aspen and stuff,
right, or have a private island?
Heh. It's not totally private.
The horse trainer lives there,
and sometimes Bono.
Um, when I said rich jerks, I,
uh, meant it as a compliment.
No, it's okay. I'm
sorry I didn't tell you.
It's just, it can be
kind of embarrassing.
People sometimes get weirded out
when I tell them I'm a Brandenham.
Brandenham? Your last
name is Brandenham?
Brendan Brandenham? Brandenham?
So you're not weirded out at
all. [CHUCKLES] That's good.
Remember when I was foreshadowing?
This is the shadow that I
was fore-ing. Back to scene.
No, not weirded out. It's,
um, just, I'm thinking about
[DISTORTED LAUGHTER]
Hey, can you wait here for a sec?
I just wanna make sure the
house isn't, um, on fire.
Okay.
So I'll be right back. You
just stay wealthy. [CHUCKLES]
- We have to cancel dinner.
- What?
- Why do you wanna cancel dinner?
- I have to poop.
Honey, if I canceled dinner
every time I had to poop,
I'd never have dinner.
Wait, isn't that Brendan
standing right outside?
Yes. Thank you, Cole. Um,
that's why we need to cancel now,
because asking him to leave after
he's inside is just plain rude.
I know you're nervous, Molly,
but you can't cancel now.
He's already here. And
he's adorable! I love him!
No face tattoos. That's good.
He's waving at us. Should we
wave back or just keep staring?
- I'm gonna wave.
- I'm waving too. Now we're all waving.
Molly, what are we doing here?
All right, fine.
Dinner's uncanceled, okay?
Just nobody talk about anything
at all, but not in a weird way.
Just don't be weird.
[TOGETHER] Hi!
Hi.
[WHISPERS] I found out
something terrible about Brendan.
- What is it? Does he say "noice"?
- No. He's a Brandenham.
What? That is not noice.
Mom and Dad can't
know. They'll freak out.
They were drawing on Bitsy
Brandenham's face this morning.
We gotta find that and get rid of it.
And also, everything's ruined!
Brendan, here's a fun game.
I'll say some simple
declarative sentences about me,
and maybe you respond with some simple
declarative sentences about you.
- [IMITATES CHEWBACCA]
- Are you okay?
Yeah, just a tickle.
[IMITATES CHEWBACCA]
Oh, so, Brendan, you like this?
[GRUNTING]
- Uh, I like it.
- [IMITATES CHEWBACCA]
Uh, who wants a house tour?
Let's start with the basement.
Oh, good. I'm sure it's clean.
And that's where we
keep all our best stuff.
Do you like indoor puddles?
Speaking of indoor puddles, Owen,
you wanna get started on your pizza?
My pizza's not an indoor
puddle, Brendan.
You'll see! You'll all see!
Tension. So much tension and yeast.
Let's see how this pizza
turns out Oh, God!
- Birdie?
- Owen.
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.
Just passing by your window.
Smells good. What you makin'? Food?
- Pizza.
- Ohh!
- See?
- Oh, it looks good.
Toppings on top. Bottoms on
the bottom like the best of us.
- [SNIFFS] Something burning?
- That's my oven.
I tricked it into going up
to about 800 or 900 degrees.
Oh, no! Oh, that's not good!
That might be too hot.
Ah. Fire, fire, fire.
Put it out, put it out, put it out,
or I mean, not to
tell you how to cook.
So that's gonna stay like that. [SIGHS]
I'm so sorry, oven. We'll get
you new knobs, beautiful knobs.
How am I gonna make this pizza?
By buying one? At a pizza store?
- Oh, they would love that, wouldn't they?
- Whoa.
I need a hot oven. [GASPS] Oh, my gosh!
Paige! I gotta run out for a
sec! I know that sounds weird!
[PAIGE] We get it! We smell the burning!
Did something go wrong with the pizza?
- Should I order some chicken?
- No!
- This is fun.
- Hold on, baby. Hold on, baby.
I love when you call me "baby".
I was talking to the Never mind.
- [MAN] Comin' through!
- [BOTH SHOUT]
Okay, sometimes a dog
can feel intimidated
that you're so much
bigger than they are.
Or slightly bigger.
So, what I'd like you to do is
crouch down to Shampagne's level.
I haven't crouched since the
'80s. Helen, put me on the floor.
He looks a little aggressive to me.
Does he look aggressive
to you, Augustus?
I mean, he's licking
himself aggressively.
[HELEN] Come on, phone. Why
do dogs bite? Why do dogs bite?
"Fear, stress, feel threatened". Great.
[AUGUSTUS] It's T-O-S-G-A-N-O, oh! ♪
- Ah!
- [HELEN] Mmm.
- Ah! Helen, what are you doing?
- Wasn't me. It was him.
- Ah!
- Augustus, stop it.
I think everyone's a little distracted.
How 'bout this? Bitsy, can you sit?
You want me to crouch
and sit in the same day?
What is this, the Olympics?
[GRUNTS] Is this sitting? It hurts.
Stay there. Stay there. We're
gonna get him on your lap.
I don't know if that's a
good idea. He seems agitated.
No, he's fine. He's perfectly fine.
- Does he have a favorite toy?
- He has an ivory chew.
- Elephant ivory?
- No.
Terrible storm coming through.
Hope we don't lose power.
Yep, there it is.
- [BITSY] Ow!
- [HELEN] Oh, my God. What happened?
Power's back on.
Shampagne bit me. I can't believe it.
TOSGANO, TOSGANO!
Augustus, bag the dog.
Let's get him outta here.
Hold on. Let me see your hand.
That's not a dog bite.
That's a human bite.
- What?
- Uh. [CHUCKLES]
- Augustus, did you bite Bitsy?
- No.
Why on earth would you bite me?
I didn't. Why would I bite you?
He told me earlier
he wanted to bite you.
- You probably bit her!
- Why would I bite Bitsy?
All right. I'm going
to bite her other hand,
- and we'll compare the two bite marks.
- Oh, um
All right. Both of you, out of the room.
Shampagne and I want to be
alone. You're creeping us out.
[BABBLING]
- There's my baby.
- Okay.
Look at that bonding.
Seems like we made a huge bark-through.
That's a breakthrough for dogs.
- [WHISPERS] I'm gonna bite you.
- What?
I said I'm gonna go wash
my mouth out. No reason.
So, that's it. Your basic everyday
faux castle/horse bone place
turned into a house.
I'm sad there's no drawbridge,
but other than that, five stars.
- Remember what you promised Mommy.
- Ask questions. Yes.
Here's a list. Try to
get through them all,
but focus on the character ones.
"If you saw a turtle on its back,
would you flip it over?" Really, Mom?
Yes, go. Ask, but make it natural.
Hey, Brendan. You into turtles?
- Turtles?
- [IMITATES CHEWBACCA]
- Never mind.
- Okay.
- Cole!
- All right. I'll ask him a question.
What's taking my dad so long?
It's a question. It
counts. Good job, Cole.
[JIMMY] You wanna put
a pizza in the forge?
I wanna put a pizza in the forge.
I turned it off an hour ago.
It's probably, like, 900 degrees.
- Hey, can I play with your sword?
- That's what it's there for.
Nine hundred degrees is
the perfect temperature.
You know there's, like,
bits of metal scrap in there?
There's stuff everywhere. It
just has to go in for a minute.
Okay, I'm putting your
pizza in the forge.
Probably okay as
long as you don't eat it.
You know, you can always
just buy a pizza.
- You could just buy a sword.
- Touché.
So, any idea where I can
get some knobs for an oven?
I can make you some iron knobs.
You want them to get
really hot when you bake?
I guess maybe not. Oh! It's done.
It's beautiful.
- Jimmy, I love you?
- I love you too?
- I gotta go.
- This was broken when I picked it up.
So, anyway, yeah.
That's the entire plot of
the Harry Potter series.
Great. Great job.
- That was long.
- Yeah, did I mention that I read it?
I feel like I said that.
Also, sorry I fell asleep.
- Ask a question.
- "What school do you go to?"
Unless you're homeschooled,
which you seem kinda like you are
just 'cause you make a lot
of eye contact with grown-ups.
- Oh, I go to the Hickory Oak Pine School.
- Ooh, fancy.
- [IMITATES CHEWBACCA]
- Who wants to see me do a somersault?
[GRUNTING]
I wonder how many you can do in a row.
Pizza guy. I'm a pizza guy.
Yeah, you are! You're
my little pepperoni!
Look who made a perfect
pi No! God, no!
No, no, no, no! No! Oh! Hot, hot, hot.
- Dinner!
- What a great normal meal we're having.
It's fine if no one wants
to eat it. Just know this.
Up until the moment I
dropped it on the floor,
it was the best pizza I ever made.
- Mmm. This pizza's delicious.
- Would you say it's "noice"?
- No.
- Correct.
That's very sweet of you,
Brendan, but we all know it's not.
No, really. Try it.
Dad. It's crunchy. It's chewy.
It looks gross, but it tastes perfect.
I never doubted you.
Guys, sympathy compliments
are just making it worse.
[GASPS] That's a good
pizza. That's a good pizza!
This is the greatest day of my life!
Does anyone want another clump?
Nope. So I guess that means that's
technically the end of dinner.
So much fun. So informative.
Should we call it? Let's call it.
- I'll walk Brendan out.
- Aw, it feels early.
Nope, nope. Perfect time to stop.
Brendan, I can't let you go
without knowing something.
Your last name, your age, something!
Are you 30? A mother needs to know!
I'm not 30, I'm 13,
- and my last name is Brandenham.
- No, no, no
Sorry. I can't hear you
'cause Molly's screaming.
It's funny 'cause I thought
I heard you say Brandenham.
- I did.
- What?
Oh, boy.
Well, Brendan, it's,
uh, been a great ride.
Sorry. Brandenham? As
in B-Bitsy Brandenham?
Yeah, she's my great-aunt.
Sounds like you're not a fan.
[IMITATES CHEWBACCA]
Sorry, I don't know if that's
the right time to do that.
- Also, not sure what to do right now.
- [SIGHS]
I really thought I could
keep this a secret for, like,
the next 70 years.
What they're about to find out
is that Brendan is a Brandenham.
Oh, they already know?
I can't hear very well when they're
in the dining room. Uh, sorry.
Well, this has been a
really long, awkward silence.
So I guess I'm gonna head out?
I'll walk you out.
Wait. Brendan, you
didn't do anything wrong.
It's just, after your aunt's
ad in the paper today,
we're super sensitive.
- What ad?
- The one where she trashed the park.
Oh, she did? Did she talk
about how she wants to buy it?
- What?
- I know. It sounds crazy.
Everyone in my family thinks she's nuts.
- Now it all makes sense.
- That's terrifying.
I guess it's over for us.
We're enemies forever.
Oh, you guys aren't enemies.
You can be friends, or
whatever you guys are.
I don't know if you've
put a label on it.
Your generation is so fluid.
- Ew, Mom!
- Sorry.
But you can be friends with
whomever you wanna be friends with.
As long as they're not,
like, murderers or magicians.
I just wanted everything to go well.
And let's face it, this is not that.
Hey, things can be
messy and still go well.
- Like your pizza.
- Exactly.
It fell on the floor, but
it was still delicious.
When I started this journey
I had a single goal ♪
I'd make a pizza so stunning
but I quickly lost control ♪
Didn't stop me, didn't stop me ♪
Nothing would've stopped me ♪
From making this
pizza-perfect masterpiece ♪
Wouldn't give up, wouldn't shut down ♪
Had to keep on keep a-kneadin'
this dough catastrophe ♪
So like this piece of pizza
like this piece of pizza ♪
We know love can
be imperfectly perfect ♪
Whoa-oh oh, oh oh, no! ♪
Even if it falls apart
or ends up messy ♪
Yeah, your love can be
imperfectly perfect ♪
Whoa-oh oh, oh, oh ♪
Who cares what it looks like, baby? ♪
It's more important
that it cooks right, baby ♪
So like this sloppy supper
love can be imperfectly perfect ♪
I like the metaphor. Let me try a verse.
When we mess up, when we mess up ♪
That's when we can grow
like the pizza dough ♪
And learn how to flavor it ♪
And we might find yeah, we might see ♪
That we taste a topping
we would never try ♪
And find a new favorite ♪
Like this piece of pizza topped
with Are these prunes?
We know love can be
imperfectly perfect ♪
Whoa-oh oh, oh, oh ♪
It might look like it's been
attacked by wild raccoons ♪
But we know love can be
imperfectly perfect ♪
Whoa-oh oh, oh, oh ♪
Who cares what it looks like, baby? ♪
It's more important
that it cooks right, baby ♪
So like this ugly pizza love
can be imperfectly perfect ♪
You can have a perfect boyfriend ♪
But you'd probably feel bored ♪
You could run a perfect park
but tell me where is the reward? ♪
If the world was picture-perfect
then there'd never be a scoop ♪
If you make a giant mess just
blend it up and call it soup ♪
So, sometimes the
imperfect's preferable? ♪
Yeah!
- Each flaw makes us more exceptional? ♪
- Yeah ♪
Like this piece of pizza
like this piece of pizza ♪
We know love can be imperfectly
perhaps you'd like to ♪
Pizza, pizza yeah,
we all relate to pizza ♪
We know love can be
imperfectly perfect ♪
Whoa-oh oh, oh, oh ♪
Who cares what it looks like, baby? ♪
It's more important
that it cooks right, baby ♪
So like this piece of pizza
love can be imperfectly ♪
[HARMONIZING OFF-KEY] Perfect ♪
- [PAIGE] Oh, guys.
- [COLE] No? No.
- [BRENDAN] Maybe try again?
- [MOLLY] That was not our best.
[HARMONIZING] Perfect ♪
- Now I'm tasting floor.
- Doesn't bother me.
Brendan, you are welcome back anytime.
But how do you feel about wearing
a wire when you talk to Bitsy?
Just kidding. Kind of.
Are you open to it?
- Kidding. We'll talk about it later.
- [IMITATES CHEWBACCA]
Mom, Dad, let's show him our dance.
Five, six, seven, eight.
So, that was fun, I
think I'm supposed to say.
Just, you know, hope this
didn't ruin pizza for you,
or castles, or me.
Does this answer your question?
Ah. You kinda kissed my eye.
I wasn't gonna mention it
unless you mentioned it.
I'm so sorry. I was
aiming for your lips,
and then I saw your parents
peeking through the window.
We have about ten seconds
till they peek again.
Oh. Okay, well, you've got my eye.
- We are terrible at this.
- I mean, not as bad as the first time.
You mean when I almost killed you?
Yeah, I guess the bar's pretty low.
- Let's try one more time.
- Ah. Teeth.
[MOLLY] There's still
a lot to learn about him ♪
Our love is so complex ♪
Perfect relationship ♪
I know his name is Brendan
something and he likes to text ♪
[BRENDAN] Even though I don't
I don't know her last name ♪
I think we're both
both in eighth grade ♪
Don't know ♪
[MOLLY] I know, I know I
am in a perfect relationship ♪
Perfect relationship ♪
[BRENDAN] Sometimes
I think I am dreaming ♪
Could this be real life? ♪
So complex ♪
And when she sent that shrimp
emoji I knew I found my wife ♪
Even though we don't,
we don't talk in person ♪
- [MOLLY] He is my everything ♪
- [BRENDAN] She's my everything ♪
I want the world to know
I'm in a per ♪