Cheaters (2022) s01e08 Episode Script
Episode 8
1
Oh, it's going to be so great
tonight.
Everyone back together,
getting pissed in the school gym,
we'll have a dance.
It will be like no time has passed.
Can you do me up?
I feel stupid, cos no-one else
is going to be dressed in a suit.
God, you're so grumpy today.
Of course everyone'll be dressed
up - it's a special occasion.
It's not my special occasion.
I went to yours. Stop moaning.
All I'm saying is if your mate
Nicole is there, she's definitely
not going to be dressed up. Leopard
print counts as dressing up.
Well, not if you wear it literally
every single day of your life.
I wonder who's going to have
changed the most?
I saw on Simon's Instagram the other
day that he's gotten, like,
super into body-building. What,
little, tiny Simon? Yeah,
his neck's wider than his head now.
Wow. Good for him.
Do you ever wish you
could go back and do it again?
Absolutely not. Really? Oh, I'd love
to. I think I'd do it differently.
Like, I'd appreciate it more -
getting to learn things.
So, you're saying you wouldn't skip
lessons to snog me behind the Asda?
Oh, no, I didn't say that.
Shit, we've got to go. Will you
hurry up?
I'm literally ready,
I've been Yeah.
MUSIC: Bulletproof
by La Roux
QUIETLY: Josh. Yeah, yeah. Josh!
One second.
You told me to mingle.
Seven.
Seven people turned up. Well
..maybe there's a problem with
the trains or something, hm?
Let me check. I'll Yeah?
OK, I'll just
Reception's better over here, so
PHONE RINGS
VOICEMAIL: Hi, this is Fola,
leave a message or just send
a text like a normal person.
Hi. Um Er
I don't think
my texts are getting through,
so I thought I'd call,
but, anyway, um, I think
I've been hacked. Yeah, um,
some people have been saying they've
been getting some weird
texts from me and, er
Um
Sorry, that is, um, a lie.
I didn't get hacked.
Um, I was just trying to keep things
light and sexy,
but I'm an idiot
and I'm really sorry.
Um, and I'm really
sorry for lying just now.
Um, but I'd really like to
explain in person, so text me
if you want to meet up later.
Er, bye.
PHONE BUZZES
Oh, my God.
So you were literally
left at the altar? Yeah.
Becky, are you
are you still with Leo? Oh, no.
We, um, we were together for about
six months,
er, ten years ago.
Er, Tash? I feel like we haven't
heard from you in ages.
You're not on Instagram or anything?
I was in a Thai prison. I'm sorry?
For three months.
My boyfriend asked me to take
a package on a flight to Laos and
Yeah. Fucking hell!
Thatthat is wild.
Isn't? Isn't that wild, babe?
Hm? Wild.
Yeah, that, um
Oh, God, that actually,
um, that actually
reminds me of, um, when me and
Josh, we went to that big shopping
centre - do you remember, babe? -
and, um, ah, the security guard at
River Island thought that I'd nicked
something, when actually they'd just
forgotten to take the tag off.
Yeah.
Yeah. That was a big day, wasn't it?
More punch, anyone?
I don't really drink. Nah.
MUSIC: Future Me Hates Me
by The Beths
Finally,
the princess deigns to join us.
Mwah. Look at me, I even got dressed
up. Oh, my gosh, I am impressed.
Where are the others?
I'm really glad that you talked
me into this.
I am so sorry, Fola. I did not know
this was going to happen.
What are you talking about?
Hey, Fol.
Fola!
I really don't want to see you.
Look, let me just say one thing,
all right?
And thenthen I'll leave.
Fine.
If what I did hurt you,
then I really am sorry.
IF what you did hurt me?!
You know I could still report you?
I've been going to therapy. Good.
Did your therapist tell you that
you're a cunt?
You know, it was a bad time for me,
too. Oh, give me a break.
Well, maybe you should be more
careful with your pictures
next time, OK?
What are you doing?!
Just put it in a bag of rice.
SHE SOBS
RINGING TONE
VOICEMAIL: Hey, it's Zack.
Please leave a message after the
beep. Thank you.
Ah, Mrs Harpenson?
Do you guys remember Mrs Harpenson
with the weird mole thing?
MESSAGE ALER
Didn't we give the mole a name?
Remember? Cos it had those hairs.
You OK, babe? Yeah.
No, actually, um, I've got to go.
There's an emergency at work.
On a Friday night? Yeah, they've,
um, they've lost, um, the keys,
so they can't lock up properly.
I'm really sorry.
Wait, you can't just Wait, you
can't just leave me on my own.
I should probably go. No! God, no.
It's way too early to leave.
No, let's play a game. Um, let's
play, Never Have I Ever.
Oh, sorry. That's OK. OK.
You start, Tash.
Fine! Um, never have I ever
..been left at the altar.
Er No, no, it's fine.
Never have I ever been held
prisoner in a foreign country.
I'm going to go.
Yeah. Yeah, me, too.
Right.
SLOW MUSIC PLAYS
Come on, big guy.
SHE MOANS
Never have I ever thrown
a good school reunion.
Never have I ever had an adventure.
Never have I ever
..done absolutely fuck-all
with my life.
MUSIC: Keep It Near
by Brooke Bentham
# I left my mouth to become yours
# I left my mouth
Agh!
# To become yours
Fuck off.
# Calling it all off again
# Falling in and out again
# Call it all off again
# Falling in and out again. #
Oh, it's going to be so great
tonight.
Everyone back together,
getting pissed in the school gym,
we'll have a dance.
It will be like no time has passed.
Can you do me up?
I feel stupid, cos no-one else
is going to be dressed in a suit.
God, you're so grumpy today.
Of course everyone'll be dressed
up - it's a special occasion.
It's not my special occasion.
I went to yours. Stop moaning.
All I'm saying is if your mate
Nicole is there, she's definitely
not going to be dressed up. Leopard
print counts as dressing up.
Well, not if you wear it literally
every single day of your life.
I wonder who's going to have
changed the most?
I saw on Simon's Instagram the other
day that he's gotten, like,
super into body-building. What,
little, tiny Simon? Yeah,
his neck's wider than his head now.
Wow. Good for him.
Do you ever wish you
could go back and do it again?
Absolutely not. Really? Oh, I'd love
to. I think I'd do it differently.
Like, I'd appreciate it more -
getting to learn things.
So, you're saying you wouldn't skip
lessons to snog me behind the Asda?
Oh, no, I didn't say that.
Shit, we've got to go. Will you
hurry up?
I'm literally ready,
I've been Yeah.
MUSIC: Bulletproof
by La Roux
QUIETLY: Josh. Yeah, yeah. Josh!
One second.
You told me to mingle.
Seven.
Seven people turned up. Well
..maybe there's a problem with
the trains or something, hm?
Let me check. I'll Yeah?
OK, I'll just
Reception's better over here, so
PHONE RINGS
VOICEMAIL: Hi, this is Fola,
leave a message or just send
a text like a normal person.
Hi. Um Er
I don't think
my texts are getting through,
so I thought I'd call,
but, anyway, um, I think
I've been hacked. Yeah, um,
some people have been saying they've
been getting some weird
texts from me and, er
Um
Sorry, that is, um, a lie.
I didn't get hacked.
Um, I was just trying to keep things
light and sexy,
but I'm an idiot
and I'm really sorry.
Um, and I'm really
sorry for lying just now.
Um, but I'd really like to
explain in person, so text me
if you want to meet up later.
Er, bye.
PHONE BUZZES
Oh, my God.
So you were literally
left at the altar? Yeah.
Becky, are you
are you still with Leo? Oh, no.
We, um, we were together for about
six months,
er, ten years ago.
Er, Tash? I feel like we haven't
heard from you in ages.
You're not on Instagram or anything?
I was in a Thai prison. I'm sorry?
For three months.
My boyfriend asked me to take
a package on a flight to Laos and
Yeah. Fucking hell!
Thatthat is wild.
Isn't? Isn't that wild, babe?
Hm? Wild.
Yeah, that, um
Oh, God, that actually,
um, that actually
reminds me of, um, when me and
Josh, we went to that big shopping
centre - do you remember, babe? -
and, um, ah, the security guard at
River Island thought that I'd nicked
something, when actually they'd just
forgotten to take the tag off.
Yeah.
Yeah. That was a big day, wasn't it?
More punch, anyone?
I don't really drink. Nah.
MUSIC: Future Me Hates Me
by The Beths
Finally,
the princess deigns to join us.
Mwah. Look at me, I even got dressed
up. Oh, my gosh, I am impressed.
Where are the others?
I'm really glad that you talked
me into this.
I am so sorry, Fola. I did not know
this was going to happen.
What are you talking about?
Hey, Fol.
Fola!
I really don't want to see you.
Look, let me just say one thing,
all right?
And thenthen I'll leave.
Fine.
If what I did hurt you,
then I really am sorry.
IF what you did hurt me?!
You know I could still report you?
I've been going to therapy. Good.
Did your therapist tell you that
you're a cunt?
You know, it was a bad time for me,
too. Oh, give me a break.
Well, maybe you should be more
careful with your pictures
next time, OK?
What are you doing?!
Just put it in a bag of rice.
SHE SOBS
RINGING TONE
VOICEMAIL: Hey, it's Zack.
Please leave a message after the
beep. Thank you.
Ah, Mrs Harpenson?
Do you guys remember Mrs Harpenson
with the weird mole thing?
MESSAGE ALER
Didn't we give the mole a name?
Remember? Cos it had those hairs.
You OK, babe? Yeah.
No, actually, um, I've got to go.
There's an emergency at work.
On a Friday night? Yeah, they've,
um, they've lost, um, the keys,
so they can't lock up properly.
I'm really sorry.
Wait, you can't just Wait, you
can't just leave me on my own.
I should probably go. No! God, no.
It's way too early to leave.
No, let's play a game. Um, let's
play, Never Have I Ever.
Oh, sorry. That's OK. OK.
You start, Tash.
Fine! Um, never have I ever
..been left at the altar.
Er No, no, it's fine.
Never have I ever been held
prisoner in a foreign country.
I'm going to go.
Yeah. Yeah, me, too.
Right.
SLOW MUSIC PLAYS
Come on, big guy.
SHE MOANS
Never have I ever thrown
a good school reunion.
Never have I ever had an adventure.
Never have I ever
..done absolutely fuck-all
with my life.
MUSIC: Keep It Near
by Brooke Bentham
# I left my mouth to become yours
# I left my mouth
Agh!
# To become yours
Fuck off.
# Calling it all off again
# Falling in and out again
# Call it all off again
# Falling in and out again. #