Con Man (2015) s01e08 Episode Script
Voiced Over
Con Man - Episode 8 - "Voiced Over" Alright guys, great battle attacks.
We're just gonna take a second, alright? Man, that was amazing.
Milo, that (attack yell) - That was fucking amazing.
- Thanks man, yeah, but what about Jerry's (attack yell)? Yeah.
Thank you for your service, soldier.
Thank you for your service, soldier.
Thanking me for my service, soldier I actually thought that doing video games was beneath me - Okay, Wray? - Yeah? We're moving on.
This is the biggest battle in the video game.
Milo Stay with your character, Sawtooth.
Jerry, you're good with Gutterdog.
Wray We gonna switch this up a little bit.
Okay? Instead of doing Razorburn, we want you to read Marion.
Excus Marion? Yes, Marion.
He's in your script.
He shows up in the battle now.
Is Marion a guy? Yes, yes.
The producers tell me that he is.
Well, look, your voice Has this unique quality that we think is going to be more effective With the Marion storyline.
Is he still a Super Soldier though? It's the name of the video game.
Alright, Milo you're up.
Go.
Time's up! Game over.
Time's up! Game Over.
Time's up! Game over.
Nice.
Nice.
Now, Jerry, line 35.
Die in pain.
Die in pain! Die in pain! Perfect.
Okay, Wray.
You are up, line 40.
I'm scared! This hurts! I'm scared! This hurts! I'm scared! This hurts.
Okay, Wray.
We're gonna give you a little background on your character.
You are bleeding From a gunshot wound To the rectum.
The rectum? Yes, rectum.
- Okay - Okay, so you think you might die.
This is gonna be take two.
Pain, fear.
I'm scared, this Hurts.
I'm scared This hurts! I'm scared, this hurts! - Yes, you made me feel it.
- That - Good.
- I definitely felt it too.
It was like menstrual cramps.
Okay, we're gonna do another round, gentlemen.
Just like that.
Keep that intensity.
Ready? Your entrails are Your ex-trails.
Your entrails are your ex-trails.
Yes.
Jerry.
Stop breathing! Stop breathing! The choke's on you.
Nice.
Great, great ad lib.
You're choking him and taunting him, yes.
- Ok, Wray.
Continuing on.
- Umm, sorry, can I Quick question.
Is Marion showing courage here by leading the others to safety? Let's hide! No No.
Still bleeding from the rectum.
You're afraid.
Dig deep.
And Let's hide Let's hide! Let's hid Let's hide! Let's all of us hide! Hide me! Let's hide and recupe.
And heal our wounds.
Gain strength and then take it to the enemy! No ad libs.
He just ad libbed! Yeah, let's move on.
More punches.
More kicks.
Down the line, starting with Milo.
I fell on my keys! I'm allergic to nuts! I'm not doing this anymore! I'm not doing it.
I'm done! This is Marion's lines suck! Alright, one second.
- Are you ser Have you ever seen anything like this before? - I thought it was great.
You just gotta commit to it.
Just commit.
- Sell it.
- Okay, Wray? Here's the thing.
Your voice.
It doesn't naturally convey strength.
Well not when I'm given Not when I'm given lines like "The salt in my tears is stinging my cuts".
That I believe.
- That was beautiful.
- Can I try something else? Can I try A different voice.
I can do different voices.
Let me just try a different voice that is maybe a little bit more manly, - a little different from my own.
- One last chance.
Thank you.
Oh, shit.
I'm gonna whoop your ass, bitch.
I'm gonna take my fist and stick it up your dick.
I'm gonna punch you in the teeth, you'll swallow them and come out in your poop.
You slimy, slumpy, stumpy, shitty poo Bitch! Thank you.
Thank you, Wray.
Thank you for your service.
Okay, thank you for the service.
Hey buddy! Hey buddy! What are you doing? Well, I just quit Super Soldiers III.
- Why? - Yeah, cuz they're And I They didn't appreciate - The racist.
- What? Is there a Japanese guy juggling knives back there? Yeah, I flew Hiro Ono in from Japan to teach me how to make sushis He's smashed on sake, so am I.
You should be too.
Oh, that's Jiro Ono.
You know what? Screw video games.
I got something better for us to do.
- What? - A movie.
You want You want me in one of your movies? Are you kidding me? I mean, I can I can I You know I'm umm I'm tech avail, but I can check my schedule.
I mean, Spectrum was so long ago now, man.
I miss working with you.
- Come on over, we'll talk about it.
- Okay.
- I'll be over in a few.
- Come over right now! I miss working with you, man! I miss working with you, man! - Are you kidding me? - Hey, Nerely.
- Hey man, hold up.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hey listen.
Yeah, hold on, hold on a second, I That, was some balls and shit, man.
I mean, just walking right out of there, very Un-Marion-like, but yo Respect, man.
I get it.
Yeah, you know They asked me to leave.
I thought the security guard was unnecessary - A bit excessive, but - Yeah.
Hold on.
That Listen, I've got this appearance that I'm supposed to go to tonight at Jammer Comics for their grand opening.
I can't make it.
I've got this date Can you fill in for me? Wait It's really simple.
You just sign some shit.
You got a panel with a bunch of other voiceover actors.
Really easy.
Did you already tell them that I'm doing it? No, I just I got the idea Inside.
When I heard you doing that last voice.
- The guy with a fissure in his ass? - No.
No, no, no, no.
It was the last voice.
The Rigamarole voice.
- You know Rigamarole? - I know Rigamarole.
- Nobody knows Rigamarole! - I know Rigamarole! I didn't know he was a white guy! "What's up, bitch?" is my all time favorite cartoon.
And Rigamarole was my favorite character.
And they put them on the end of these VHS Truck and Tractor Pull blooper tapes.
Yeah, monster trucks were huge down in Orange County, man.
I love that shit.
I don't I never knew what they did with "What's up, bitch?".
I I thought they had just dug a hole in the New Mexico desert and just chucked ever copy in there.
- Yeah.
- I did four voices on that thing.
I did Taj Who rode into the village and he'd eat pieces of his goat.
Do Rigamarole.
- I'll do Rigamarole.
- Break it down.
Rigamarole would break it down, wouldn't he? He'd break it down, girl! Oh, look at you.
Oh, damn.
You like a sack of potatoes, except none of them peeled.
Oh, shit.
You sweet and salty.
I'm gonna rub something on ya It's wet and sticky, make your limp bits bumpy, and scratches my face with your pussy! You're gonna kill it tonight, man.
Hey, have fun.
People gonna love you.
Wait, wait.
No, no, no.
I'm not I can't Look.
I Thank you, but But no.
Why? - Why? - Why Because Look, I'm I'm making a movie with Jack Moore and Ahh! You son of a What the f? Wait a minute.
Are you doing a Spectrum movie? No, we're not gonna do a Spectrum movie.
I mean, I don't That was a TV show, okay? We're gonna do We're gonna do A A A Another movie.
A Hollywood movie.
So what's the other movie you're doing? It's a big Big Hollywood Ahh damn it! Look, I can't talk about it, because we are We're in, umm We're in pre pro and Whenever I'm in like in pro, or like you know - Post mid to post pro.
- So you can go tonight.
Great, you can go tonight.
- No - Just say yes.
- No - Say yes.
- No - They're gonna pay you 5000 dollars.
Yeah, I'll do it.
- Thank you, I owe you! - You don't wear a helmet? No! God damn it.
God damn it! Son of a bitch!
We're just gonna take a second, alright? Man, that was amazing.
Milo, that (attack yell) - That was fucking amazing.
- Thanks man, yeah, but what about Jerry's (attack yell)? Yeah.
Thank you for your service, soldier.
Thank you for your service, soldier.
Thanking me for my service, soldier I actually thought that doing video games was beneath me - Okay, Wray? - Yeah? We're moving on.
This is the biggest battle in the video game.
Milo Stay with your character, Sawtooth.
Jerry, you're good with Gutterdog.
Wray We gonna switch this up a little bit.
Okay? Instead of doing Razorburn, we want you to read Marion.
Excus Marion? Yes, Marion.
He's in your script.
He shows up in the battle now.
Is Marion a guy? Yes, yes.
The producers tell me that he is.
Well, look, your voice Has this unique quality that we think is going to be more effective With the Marion storyline.
Is he still a Super Soldier though? It's the name of the video game.
Alright, Milo you're up.
Go.
Time's up! Game over.
Time's up! Game Over.
Time's up! Game over.
Nice.
Nice.
Now, Jerry, line 35.
Die in pain.
Die in pain! Die in pain! Perfect.
Okay, Wray.
You are up, line 40.
I'm scared! This hurts! I'm scared! This hurts! I'm scared! This hurts.
Okay, Wray.
We're gonna give you a little background on your character.
You are bleeding From a gunshot wound To the rectum.
The rectum? Yes, rectum.
- Okay - Okay, so you think you might die.
This is gonna be take two.
Pain, fear.
I'm scared, this Hurts.
I'm scared This hurts! I'm scared, this hurts! - Yes, you made me feel it.
- That - Good.
- I definitely felt it too.
It was like menstrual cramps.
Okay, we're gonna do another round, gentlemen.
Just like that.
Keep that intensity.
Ready? Your entrails are Your ex-trails.
Your entrails are your ex-trails.
Yes.
Jerry.
Stop breathing! Stop breathing! The choke's on you.
Nice.
Great, great ad lib.
You're choking him and taunting him, yes.
- Ok, Wray.
Continuing on.
- Umm, sorry, can I Quick question.
Is Marion showing courage here by leading the others to safety? Let's hide! No No.
Still bleeding from the rectum.
You're afraid.
Dig deep.
And Let's hide Let's hide! Let's hid Let's hide! Let's all of us hide! Hide me! Let's hide and recupe.
And heal our wounds.
Gain strength and then take it to the enemy! No ad libs.
He just ad libbed! Yeah, let's move on.
More punches.
More kicks.
Down the line, starting with Milo.
I fell on my keys! I'm allergic to nuts! I'm not doing this anymore! I'm not doing it.
I'm done! This is Marion's lines suck! Alright, one second.
- Are you ser Have you ever seen anything like this before? - I thought it was great.
You just gotta commit to it.
Just commit.
- Sell it.
- Okay, Wray? Here's the thing.
Your voice.
It doesn't naturally convey strength.
Well not when I'm given Not when I'm given lines like "The salt in my tears is stinging my cuts".
That I believe.
- That was beautiful.
- Can I try something else? Can I try A different voice.
I can do different voices.
Let me just try a different voice that is maybe a little bit more manly, - a little different from my own.
- One last chance.
Thank you.
Oh, shit.
I'm gonna whoop your ass, bitch.
I'm gonna take my fist and stick it up your dick.
I'm gonna punch you in the teeth, you'll swallow them and come out in your poop.
You slimy, slumpy, stumpy, shitty poo Bitch! Thank you.
Thank you, Wray.
Thank you for your service.
Okay, thank you for the service.
Hey buddy! Hey buddy! What are you doing? Well, I just quit Super Soldiers III.
- Why? - Yeah, cuz they're And I They didn't appreciate - The racist.
- What? Is there a Japanese guy juggling knives back there? Yeah, I flew Hiro Ono in from Japan to teach me how to make sushis He's smashed on sake, so am I.
You should be too.
Oh, that's Jiro Ono.
You know what? Screw video games.
I got something better for us to do.
- What? - A movie.
You want You want me in one of your movies? Are you kidding me? I mean, I can I can I You know I'm umm I'm tech avail, but I can check my schedule.
I mean, Spectrum was so long ago now, man.
I miss working with you.
- Come on over, we'll talk about it.
- Okay.
- I'll be over in a few.
- Come over right now! I miss working with you, man! I miss working with you, man! - Are you kidding me? - Hey, Nerely.
- Hey man, hold up.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hey listen.
Yeah, hold on, hold on a second, I That, was some balls and shit, man.
I mean, just walking right out of there, very Un-Marion-like, but yo Respect, man.
I get it.
Yeah, you know They asked me to leave.
I thought the security guard was unnecessary - A bit excessive, but - Yeah.
Hold on.
That Listen, I've got this appearance that I'm supposed to go to tonight at Jammer Comics for their grand opening.
I can't make it.
I've got this date Can you fill in for me? Wait It's really simple.
You just sign some shit.
You got a panel with a bunch of other voiceover actors.
Really easy.
Did you already tell them that I'm doing it? No, I just I got the idea Inside.
When I heard you doing that last voice.
- The guy with a fissure in his ass? - No.
No, no, no, no.
It was the last voice.
The Rigamarole voice.
- You know Rigamarole? - I know Rigamarole.
- Nobody knows Rigamarole! - I know Rigamarole! I didn't know he was a white guy! "What's up, bitch?" is my all time favorite cartoon.
And Rigamarole was my favorite character.
And they put them on the end of these VHS Truck and Tractor Pull blooper tapes.
Yeah, monster trucks were huge down in Orange County, man.
I love that shit.
I don't I never knew what they did with "What's up, bitch?".
I I thought they had just dug a hole in the New Mexico desert and just chucked ever copy in there.
- Yeah.
- I did four voices on that thing.
I did Taj Who rode into the village and he'd eat pieces of his goat.
Do Rigamarole.
- I'll do Rigamarole.
- Break it down.
Rigamarole would break it down, wouldn't he? He'd break it down, girl! Oh, look at you.
Oh, damn.
You like a sack of potatoes, except none of them peeled.
Oh, shit.
You sweet and salty.
I'm gonna rub something on ya It's wet and sticky, make your limp bits bumpy, and scratches my face with your pussy! You're gonna kill it tonight, man.
Hey, have fun.
People gonna love you.
Wait, wait.
No, no, no.
I'm not I can't Look.
I Thank you, but But no.
Why? - Why? - Why Because Look, I'm I'm making a movie with Jack Moore and Ahh! You son of a What the f? Wait a minute.
Are you doing a Spectrum movie? No, we're not gonna do a Spectrum movie.
I mean, I don't That was a TV show, okay? We're gonna do We're gonna do A A A Another movie.
A Hollywood movie.
So what's the other movie you're doing? It's a big Big Hollywood Ahh damn it! Look, I can't talk about it, because we are We're in, umm We're in pre pro and Whenever I'm in like in pro, or like you know - Post mid to post pro.
- So you can go tonight.
Great, you can go tonight.
- No - Just say yes.
- No - Say yes.
- No - They're gonna pay you 5000 dollars.
Yeah, I'll do it.
- Thank you, I owe you! - You don't wear a helmet? No! God damn it.
God damn it! Son of a bitch!