Dan for Mayor (2010) s01e08 Episode Script
The Disc Compact
Previously on Dan For Mayor.
We need to do what's right.
And the wedding at the church or the golf course just isn't right.
I'm so relieved to hear you say that.
And that's why we should-- Call the whole thing off.
Walk away.
We are not right for each other.
I was going to say, elope.
Oh.
Hi.
Hey.
You okay? Well as can be expected.
I know it might have been a bit of a shock last night.
You telling me the wedding's off? Yeah.
Two weeks before the big day? Yeah.
When we were going to stand in front of everyone we know and declare our love for each other? Yeah.
Bit of a curveball, honey.
Sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
I was up all night, pacing.
I hope I didn't wake you.
No, I slept great.
I mean, not that great.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe we should call it off.
For now, you know, while we think about it.
Mike, it's off.
Totally.
Walk away.
Take some time, then look at it again with fresh eyes.
Mike, it's-- Hello! Mom.
Hey, Brianna.
Hey.
What time is it? Ah, it's late.
I just woke up, myself.
Coffee? Thanks.
Did you watch the end of the movie? Ah, you fell asleep, I thought I didn't have to.
I mean, we can watch it together later.
Thanks for picking.
Well, lots of sitting around watching movies.
That's what we get for sneaking around.
It's kind of fun though.
Geez, good thing we didn't have sex last night, or this would be awkward.
Yeah, good thing.
The dressmaker's absolutely frantic.
She needs swatches by this morning, or we won't have the bridesmaid's dresses in time for the wedding.
Right.
The wedding.
The wedding.
Is this a bad time? No.
Coral has fallen off the table, but if we can pick something by noon she'll put in a special order.
Mike, will your groomsmen still be wearing boutonnieres? Geez, Mary, seems unlikely.
Can you give us a sec? Look, I'm sorry.
I know it's selfish, but right now, I just want to put an ordinary face on things.
Can we keep this between us? Sure, that seems fair.
To you.
Oh, all right.
Thank you.
Let's talk swatches! Mike, I'll I need you too.
Oh, someone wants me around.
That's a switch up, huh, Claire? There you go.
These pancakes look great.
I hope I can count on your support on election day.
You bet.
What election? How about you, young man? No, I'm voting for Dan.
Why? Because he's not some old dude.
Kids, huh? Actually, you are kind of old.
There you go.
Vote Alan.
Free pancake breakfast right down the street.
Alan Duffy is killing our breakfast business.
I think our breakfast menu is killing our breakfast business.
Breakfast hot dog? It's good.
It's got eggs on it.
Why would anyone want to stop our breakfasts? Other than the obvious humanitarian reasons.
He's using me to get to Dan.
I know how those guys work.
It's all about using free pancakes to hurt people.
Did you say "free pancakes"? Eat your hot dog.
Good morning.
I just need some copies made.
We can do that.
"Anita Vargas"? It's campaign literature.
You're with the Vargas campaign? Yeah.
What? Well.
Okay.
Um.
You know who I am? A guy who works at a copy shop? Manager actually.
Could you manage to make me some copies? Yeah.
Dan, it's Jeff.
Hey.
Can I come in? Ah, it's messy.
Yeah, it's your place.
Yeah, well, now that I'm running for mayor I'm trying to be more mature, and that starts with being embarrassed when my apartment's messy.
Well, whatever.
Look at this.
A CD.
It's Anita's.
All her platform info is on it.
What? We have to keep this quiet.
Yeah.
Really quiet.
I brought my laptop.
Do you think we should look at it? Yeah.
Maybe we shouldn't talk about this right here in the hallway.
Great.
I'll come in.
No, no, no.
Let's go outside.
Some reason you don't want me to go in you're not telling me? Yeah, Jeff.
I've got a girl in there.
Fine, don't tell me.
We'll go for a walk.
Here's coral, which is the one you wanted.
Here's what dark salmon looks like.
Though, to me, it's a bit dark.
Peach may be a bit too light.
That one.
Well, that was quick.
Oh, that's Claire.
She's real quick to make decisions.
Well, we still have a little bit of time here.
What about russet? Fine.
Though, maybe the salmon would be better.
I'm really fine with either.
You sure? Because you might hurt the dressmaker's feelings if you suddenly change your mind.
Maybe the dressmaker should be a better listener.
Well, I'm sure she tried her best.
Okay, here's the wrench in the works.
I have been holding off showing you Terra cotta because it really is quite different.
They're all orange.
Why are we at Fern's? We're always at Fern's.
But why now? This disk is a big deal, and now you've got me sauntering across town to Fern's for no reason.
So we had to walk 15 blocks.
Don't be a baby.
What are you doing here? I like to go where everybody knows my name.
Is it too late for breakfast? Uh, yeah, you just missed it.
Great.
Menu please.
All right.
Let's look at this disk.
No, no, not here.
There's too many people around.
Where, then? I know a safe place.
Is something up? Nope.
The coast is clear.
I, uh-- I don't want anyone to know we have Anita's disk.
Let's throw it in the laptop, and see what we've got here.
Wait.
This feels wrong.
What if Anita is trying to trick us? What if the trick is we're not supposed to look because we think it's a trick? All right, put it in.
Unless.
Anita doesn't make mistakes.
You really think she'd deliver this to you? It's a big campaign.
One of her people screwed up.
You're right.
You're right.
Go ahead.
Stop.
I don't think this is good for my laptop.
Is this ethical? I don't know.
Can we just look at it and see what it is? If people are going to vote for me, it's because they think I'm a nice guy.
I lose that, I've got nothing.
I suppose.
We've got to do the right thing here.
Trick or not, we've got to return it.
Okay.
But now we can't.
Why not? It's stuck in my machine.
Thanks for the cheque.
I'll take it to the dressmaker.
Eight hundred dollars well spent.
Bye.
Thank you.
Wait.
I'm sorry about the snarky comments.
I was angry.
I said some things I obviously didn't mean.
Okay.
Have you said anything recently that you didn't mean? We bought the dresses.
I mean, we might as well give it a shot.
Excuse me, could I use your washroom? Sorry, they're for customers only.
We're trying to keep out the riff Raff from the pancake breakfast.
I hear you.
I was serving.
There's some pretty dodgy people voting for me.
Wait.
I know how this goes.
I don't let you use the can, you say it's some kind of by-law infringement, and slap me with a fine.
Knock yourself out.
Oh, uh, which one is the men's room? You can't figure that out? No.
Is "G," uh, "girl" or "gal" or "guy"? Or "Gent"? Maybe it stands for "pancake.
" Hey! Wrong one, old man.
Sorry.
I didn't know-- I didn't know if "G" was for "girl" or "guy.
" How many words for "man" start with "D"? Well, that's funny, because someone recently called me a "dude.
" Why don't we stop talking about this now? You betcha.
Vote Alan.
Maybe we should run it under water.
What? I don't know.
It works with jars.
It's the cops! Yeah, it's the cops.
Hide it.
Coming! Hey, Dan, can I crash at your place for a couple of days? You want to crash here, at my place? Why? The engagement is off.
What? Yeah, Claire ended it.
Oh.
Hey, man, I'm sorry.
No, it's good.
I mean, it's better now than-- Well, actually, now's pretty bad.
Oh-- You want to stay here? Sure.
But don't you have some place else? No, I don't, Dan.
But thanks for pointing that out to me.
Of course you can stay.
Thanks.
Just for a couple weeks.
I'll put this stuff in your bedroom.
Hi.
Sorry I'm late.
Had a family thing.
What kind of thing? Normal family thing.
Normal, normal, normal.
Well, I really wish you'd been here, because I've been dealing with a very important issue, and I need your opinion.
What's that? Do you think I'm old? Old? Like, too old? No, you're not too old.
You're old enough.
It's just, you know, Anita is a new face, and Dan is always doing fun, wacky, things.
So I thought I'd do something wacky.
What's this? It's something practical, new, but fun.
A bylaw.
I'm sorry, I thought you said a bylaw.
A fun bylaw.
It calls for all restaurant owners to make their men's and women's bathroom signs clear.
No funny pictures.
No words that Irish people use.
Isn't that a hoot? Yeah.
You let me know when you're finished page one.
Do you have any jam? You're holding it.
This is a jelly.
I was hoping for jam.
Sorry.
It's cool.
Was I like that when Claire dumped me? You were shorter.
Look, I don't want to be insensitive, but what are we going to do about this disk? We could return the whole computer.
I think they'd notice.
What's up? Oh, there's a disk stuck in my computer.
I might be able to get it out.
Is it important? It's Anita's entire campaign platform.
Oh, wow.
Here.
All right.
Thanks.
That was really helpful.
Really? Yeah.
It's good to be needed.
Okay, all right.
Now Alan Duffy says we gotta change the bathroom signs.
This is old school dirty politics.
Oh, yeah.
Bathroom signs.
Classic trick.
Okay.
Alan wants to play.
Let's play.
Get me the phone.
Time to call in some favours.
Do you know anyone who owes you any favours? Hmm? Sorry you had to let yourself out of my apartment.
It's okay, par for the course.
Um, here.
This is Anita's.
So I'm giving it to you because it's the right thing to do.
And that's the kind of guy I am.
Not just 'cause you overheard.
Overheard what? Ah, I could have kept it! This is my aunt's? Yeah, tell her I gave it to you.
Is there any reason why it's labelled "Mike and Claire's Engagement Party"? Mike, what are you doing here? It's okay, honey.
I've got something that's really going to help you guys.
Battlestar? No, but it's still pretty cool.
Anita's entire campaign platform.
I did this for you.
This is a campaign of fear being perpetrated by Alan Duffy.
First pancakes, and now bathroom signs.
"G" and "D" are no good? Come on.
And I understand you're doing something about it.
I've taken them down.
No signs at all.
Nothing.
Blankness.
Alan Duffy, the chaos will be on your hands.
Enter at your own peril.
Hey! Sorry, Charlie.
Would you close the door? You're taking this pretty seriously.
Oh, yeah.
Depending on the day, this is my number one or number two priority.
Why is that funny? "Number one" or "number two" priority? That is funny.
Sorry.
Why? I appreciate you trying to help me.
Sort of.
But I can't accept this.
But I did this for you, to show that I've changed.
You stole something to show you've changed? That's different, right? Mike.
It's over, and a CD won't change that.
This is huge.
Anita's entire campaign platform.
We have to run with this.
No.
We need to return it.
Given that Mike, you know, stole it.
Well-- I guess I stole it.
But not from Anita.
I stole it from Dan.
It's not stealing if you steal from a thief.
Yes, actually, it is.
Well, how did you get it? I'm staying at Dan's place.
Why? Because Claire broke off the engagement.
I thought we were going to keep that quiet.
I don't want every conversation to begin, "Sorry about your wedding.
" Oh, I guess I'm in trouble.
What are you going to do about it Claire? Marry me? He's got you there.
So my aunt's disk is out there floating around.
Yeah.
So, what do you want to do tonight? Dan.
Right.
Watch the end of the movie.
No.
You need to get the disk back.
You know, because it's the right thing to do, and that's the kind of guy you are? It seems kind of hard.
I mean, I don't know where it is, or what Mike's doing with it.
Oh.
So you know, after the movie, we could order-in food.
I don't know.
Seems kind of hard.
I'm not sure I know where you live, or what you did with the takeout menu.
I'll get the disk.
And I'll rent another movie you don't want to see.
Sorry to hear about your wedding.
Do you need to take some time? No, I think it's best to keep working.
It's really unfortunate.
It's probably for the best.
Oh, I'm sure.
I just meant it's unfortunate you had to miss work.
If you'd been here to stop me from sending that fax, this wouldn't have happened.
No signs at all.
Nothing.
Blankness.
Alan Now Fern's making the bathroom signs his number one priority.
What's funny about that? I know you're probably gonna want to kick me out of your place.
I'm sorry.
Why'd you do it? I don't know.
I was trying to make some grand gesture to win back Claire.
Can you understand that? Yeah.
I guess I do.
I guess I was going through those stages of loss, and I was angry.
I tell you, the other stages aren't fun, but at least I'm through the anger part.
This says "Alan Duffy Flute Tutorial.
" Alan switched the disk? He totally screwed me! I'm going to kill him! Hey, sorry to hear about your wedding.
So much for keeping it a secret.
Oh, I haven't told anyone.
Else.
It's okay.
It's gonna get out there.
You alright? I'm fine.
It's still kind of sinking in.
But it's sweet of you to come here and check up on me.
Yeah.
Also, is Alan here? You took Mike's disk.
Well, it's my disk.
Actually, it was intended for Jeff, but it's actually Anita's disk.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Come on, you stole the disk.
Oh, yeah, I know that.
I just didn't understand the way you said it.
You stole the disk? Well, I switched them.
I had to.
Come on, Claire.
This is great Intel.
But it doesn't belong to you.
Or you.
I'm trying to give it back.
I'm trying to do the right thing.
And hopefully impress a girl at the same time.
Oh, Dan.
No, different girl.
Oh.
I'm not giving it back.
Not while your boss is turning my wacky bylaw into a joke.
Okay, you give me the disk back, and I'll get Fern to put clear bathroom signs up.
It's gone way beyond that.
I'm keeping this disk.
I'm going to keep it and use it-- Here.
Thanks.
It's really hard to be menacing when you do things like that.
Sorry to hear about your wedding.
Why does everybody feel they have to say that? Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm not really sorry.
Because I made the right decision.
Thank you.
It's nice to hear that.
You get married for the wrong reasons, that's a lifetime of misery, right? I dodged a bullet! Actually, the reason I'm not sorry is because I don't know you that well.
Oh.
I misspoke.
I should have said I'm not sincerely sorry.
Well, thank you.
Sorry to hear about your wedding.
Thanks.
Who are you? I got the disk.
Great.
Let's give it back to-- Anita! Hello.
Here's your disk.
And I didn't look at it.
You see, what happened was someone dropped off a copy of your platform at Swifty Copy, and well-- Yes, yes.
And where are the copies? Sorry.
You wanted copies made? Well, that's why I took it to a copier.
That's the procedure, isn't it? So it wasn't, say, a trick? I just needed copies, and I thought Swifty Copy was the best.
Well, you got that right.
We always come through.
So where are my copies? I don't have 'em.
I want to make sure these new signs of yours follow the spirit of the law.
Sure.
Here's the men's.
And here's the ladies.
Hope that's clear enough for you.
I like it.
Really? Yeah.
It shows I'm fun.
Plus, the dress makes me look younger.
Oh.
And it's clear which one is which.
Oh, come on! Sorry, I must have put them on the wrong door.
Hey, Claire.
Listen, sorry to hear about your wedding.
God, does everyone know? I haven't told anyone.
Much.
Well, thanks.
I wanted to ask if you've got Alan's Flutorial disk.
You're really gonna have to say that again.
In the mix-up today, Alan gave away his flute tutorial disk.
Oh.
I'll ask Dan.
Thanks.
So Dan's seeing someone now, huh? No.
He and Brianna broke up.
Oh.
'Cause today he said he was trying to impress a girl.
And I don't think it was me.
Really? You sure? He definitely said "girl.
" Hmm.
Good morning.
Good morning.
It was nice that you went through all the trouble to return the disk, even though it turned out to be useless.
Ah, nice and useless.
That's what I do.
I guess I just thought, "W.
W.
S.
I.
S.
B.
" I don't get that.
"What Would Brianna Say I Should Do?" Did I get that right? Should there be another "S," or--? Who cares? You're sweet.
The "B" should have been after the "W"s, and there's a "D" at the end.
But you're sweet.
Thanks.
Ah, this isn't as awkward as I thought it would be.
Not at all.
It's awkward for me.
Hello.
Oh, hey, it's Jeff from Dan's campaign.
Sorry for calling so early.
The copies are fine.
Thanks for calling.
Well, we go the extra mile.
Then why did it take you so long? We had to go an extra mile.
Um, that's not the only reason I called.
I think Dan is still seeing Brianna.
Well, it's none of our business.
Leave it alone.
Why? What have you heard? Ah, it's just a couple of things adding up.
I didn't know who else to ask.
Well, there's nothing we can do about it.
Thanks for calling.
Apparently Brianna is still sneaking around with Dan.
Well, kids will be kids.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
Oh.
Hi, there.
I'm Alan Duffy, Deputy Mayor of the great City of Wessex.
But I'm also one heck of a flautist, and this is my Flute Tutorial, or "Flutorial," as I like to call it.
Let's start with my favourite part of flute playing, the stand.
You can move your fingers up and down the outside all you want, but without a proper stand, you might as well be playing the oboe.
We need to do what's right.
And the wedding at the church or the golf course just isn't right.
I'm so relieved to hear you say that.
And that's why we should-- Call the whole thing off.
Walk away.
We are not right for each other.
I was going to say, elope.
Oh.
Hi.
Hey.
You okay? Well as can be expected.
I know it might have been a bit of a shock last night.
You telling me the wedding's off? Yeah.
Two weeks before the big day? Yeah.
When we were going to stand in front of everyone we know and declare our love for each other? Yeah.
Bit of a curveball, honey.
Sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
I was up all night, pacing.
I hope I didn't wake you.
No, I slept great.
I mean, not that great.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe we should call it off.
For now, you know, while we think about it.
Mike, it's off.
Totally.
Walk away.
Take some time, then look at it again with fresh eyes.
Mike, it's-- Hello! Mom.
Hey, Brianna.
Hey.
What time is it? Ah, it's late.
I just woke up, myself.
Coffee? Thanks.
Did you watch the end of the movie? Ah, you fell asleep, I thought I didn't have to.
I mean, we can watch it together later.
Thanks for picking.
Well, lots of sitting around watching movies.
That's what we get for sneaking around.
It's kind of fun though.
Geez, good thing we didn't have sex last night, or this would be awkward.
Yeah, good thing.
The dressmaker's absolutely frantic.
She needs swatches by this morning, or we won't have the bridesmaid's dresses in time for the wedding.
Right.
The wedding.
The wedding.
Is this a bad time? No.
Coral has fallen off the table, but if we can pick something by noon she'll put in a special order.
Mike, will your groomsmen still be wearing boutonnieres? Geez, Mary, seems unlikely.
Can you give us a sec? Look, I'm sorry.
I know it's selfish, but right now, I just want to put an ordinary face on things.
Can we keep this between us? Sure, that seems fair.
To you.
Oh, all right.
Thank you.
Let's talk swatches! Mike, I'll I need you too.
Oh, someone wants me around.
That's a switch up, huh, Claire? There you go.
These pancakes look great.
I hope I can count on your support on election day.
You bet.
What election? How about you, young man? No, I'm voting for Dan.
Why? Because he's not some old dude.
Kids, huh? Actually, you are kind of old.
There you go.
Vote Alan.
Free pancake breakfast right down the street.
Alan Duffy is killing our breakfast business.
I think our breakfast menu is killing our breakfast business.
Breakfast hot dog? It's good.
It's got eggs on it.
Why would anyone want to stop our breakfasts? Other than the obvious humanitarian reasons.
He's using me to get to Dan.
I know how those guys work.
It's all about using free pancakes to hurt people.
Did you say "free pancakes"? Eat your hot dog.
Good morning.
I just need some copies made.
We can do that.
"Anita Vargas"? It's campaign literature.
You're with the Vargas campaign? Yeah.
What? Well.
Okay.
Um.
You know who I am? A guy who works at a copy shop? Manager actually.
Could you manage to make me some copies? Yeah.
Dan, it's Jeff.
Hey.
Can I come in? Ah, it's messy.
Yeah, it's your place.
Yeah, well, now that I'm running for mayor I'm trying to be more mature, and that starts with being embarrassed when my apartment's messy.
Well, whatever.
Look at this.
A CD.
It's Anita's.
All her platform info is on it.
What? We have to keep this quiet.
Yeah.
Really quiet.
I brought my laptop.
Do you think we should look at it? Yeah.
Maybe we shouldn't talk about this right here in the hallway.
Great.
I'll come in.
No, no, no.
Let's go outside.
Some reason you don't want me to go in you're not telling me? Yeah, Jeff.
I've got a girl in there.
Fine, don't tell me.
We'll go for a walk.
Here's coral, which is the one you wanted.
Here's what dark salmon looks like.
Though, to me, it's a bit dark.
Peach may be a bit too light.
That one.
Well, that was quick.
Oh, that's Claire.
She's real quick to make decisions.
Well, we still have a little bit of time here.
What about russet? Fine.
Though, maybe the salmon would be better.
I'm really fine with either.
You sure? Because you might hurt the dressmaker's feelings if you suddenly change your mind.
Maybe the dressmaker should be a better listener.
Well, I'm sure she tried her best.
Okay, here's the wrench in the works.
I have been holding off showing you Terra cotta because it really is quite different.
They're all orange.
Why are we at Fern's? We're always at Fern's.
But why now? This disk is a big deal, and now you've got me sauntering across town to Fern's for no reason.
So we had to walk 15 blocks.
Don't be a baby.
What are you doing here? I like to go where everybody knows my name.
Is it too late for breakfast? Uh, yeah, you just missed it.
Great.
Menu please.
All right.
Let's look at this disk.
No, no, not here.
There's too many people around.
Where, then? I know a safe place.
Is something up? Nope.
The coast is clear.
I, uh-- I don't want anyone to know we have Anita's disk.
Let's throw it in the laptop, and see what we've got here.
Wait.
This feels wrong.
What if Anita is trying to trick us? What if the trick is we're not supposed to look because we think it's a trick? All right, put it in.
Unless.
Anita doesn't make mistakes.
You really think she'd deliver this to you? It's a big campaign.
One of her people screwed up.
You're right.
You're right.
Go ahead.
Stop.
I don't think this is good for my laptop.
Is this ethical? I don't know.
Can we just look at it and see what it is? If people are going to vote for me, it's because they think I'm a nice guy.
I lose that, I've got nothing.
I suppose.
We've got to do the right thing here.
Trick or not, we've got to return it.
Okay.
But now we can't.
Why not? It's stuck in my machine.
Thanks for the cheque.
I'll take it to the dressmaker.
Eight hundred dollars well spent.
Bye.
Thank you.
Wait.
I'm sorry about the snarky comments.
I was angry.
I said some things I obviously didn't mean.
Okay.
Have you said anything recently that you didn't mean? We bought the dresses.
I mean, we might as well give it a shot.
Excuse me, could I use your washroom? Sorry, they're for customers only.
We're trying to keep out the riff Raff from the pancake breakfast.
I hear you.
I was serving.
There's some pretty dodgy people voting for me.
Wait.
I know how this goes.
I don't let you use the can, you say it's some kind of by-law infringement, and slap me with a fine.
Knock yourself out.
Oh, uh, which one is the men's room? You can't figure that out? No.
Is "G," uh, "girl" or "gal" or "guy"? Or "Gent"? Maybe it stands for "pancake.
" Hey! Wrong one, old man.
Sorry.
I didn't know-- I didn't know if "G" was for "girl" or "guy.
" How many words for "man" start with "D"? Well, that's funny, because someone recently called me a "dude.
" Why don't we stop talking about this now? You betcha.
Vote Alan.
Maybe we should run it under water.
What? I don't know.
It works with jars.
It's the cops! Yeah, it's the cops.
Hide it.
Coming! Hey, Dan, can I crash at your place for a couple of days? You want to crash here, at my place? Why? The engagement is off.
What? Yeah, Claire ended it.
Oh.
Hey, man, I'm sorry.
No, it's good.
I mean, it's better now than-- Well, actually, now's pretty bad.
Oh-- You want to stay here? Sure.
But don't you have some place else? No, I don't, Dan.
But thanks for pointing that out to me.
Of course you can stay.
Thanks.
Just for a couple weeks.
I'll put this stuff in your bedroom.
Hi.
Sorry I'm late.
Had a family thing.
What kind of thing? Normal family thing.
Normal, normal, normal.
Well, I really wish you'd been here, because I've been dealing with a very important issue, and I need your opinion.
What's that? Do you think I'm old? Old? Like, too old? No, you're not too old.
You're old enough.
It's just, you know, Anita is a new face, and Dan is always doing fun, wacky, things.
So I thought I'd do something wacky.
What's this? It's something practical, new, but fun.
A bylaw.
I'm sorry, I thought you said a bylaw.
A fun bylaw.
It calls for all restaurant owners to make their men's and women's bathroom signs clear.
No funny pictures.
No words that Irish people use.
Isn't that a hoot? Yeah.
You let me know when you're finished page one.
Do you have any jam? You're holding it.
This is a jelly.
I was hoping for jam.
Sorry.
It's cool.
Was I like that when Claire dumped me? You were shorter.
Look, I don't want to be insensitive, but what are we going to do about this disk? We could return the whole computer.
I think they'd notice.
What's up? Oh, there's a disk stuck in my computer.
I might be able to get it out.
Is it important? It's Anita's entire campaign platform.
Oh, wow.
Here.
All right.
Thanks.
That was really helpful.
Really? Yeah.
It's good to be needed.
Okay, all right.
Now Alan Duffy says we gotta change the bathroom signs.
This is old school dirty politics.
Oh, yeah.
Bathroom signs.
Classic trick.
Okay.
Alan wants to play.
Let's play.
Get me the phone.
Time to call in some favours.
Do you know anyone who owes you any favours? Hmm? Sorry you had to let yourself out of my apartment.
It's okay, par for the course.
Um, here.
This is Anita's.
So I'm giving it to you because it's the right thing to do.
And that's the kind of guy I am.
Not just 'cause you overheard.
Overheard what? Ah, I could have kept it! This is my aunt's? Yeah, tell her I gave it to you.
Is there any reason why it's labelled "Mike and Claire's Engagement Party"? Mike, what are you doing here? It's okay, honey.
I've got something that's really going to help you guys.
Battlestar? No, but it's still pretty cool.
Anita's entire campaign platform.
I did this for you.
This is a campaign of fear being perpetrated by Alan Duffy.
First pancakes, and now bathroom signs.
"G" and "D" are no good? Come on.
And I understand you're doing something about it.
I've taken them down.
No signs at all.
Nothing.
Blankness.
Alan Duffy, the chaos will be on your hands.
Enter at your own peril.
Hey! Sorry, Charlie.
Would you close the door? You're taking this pretty seriously.
Oh, yeah.
Depending on the day, this is my number one or number two priority.
Why is that funny? "Number one" or "number two" priority? That is funny.
Sorry.
Why? I appreciate you trying to help me.
Sort of.
But I can't accept this.
But I did this for you, to show that I've changed.
You stole something to show you've changed? That's different, right? Mike.
It's over, and a CD won't change that.
This is huge.
Anita's entire campaign platform.
We have to run with this.
No.
We need to return it.
Given that Mike, you know, stole it.
Well-- I guess I stole it.
But not from Anita.
I stole it from Dan.
It's not stealing if you steal from a thief.
Yes, actually, it is.
Well, how did you get it? I'm staying at Dan's place.
Why? Because Claire broke off the engagement.
I thought we were going to keep that quiet.
I don't want every conversation to begin, "Sorry about your wedding.
" Oh, I guess I'm in trouble.
What are you going to do about it Claire? Marry me? He's got you there.
So my aunt's disk is out there floating around.
Yeah.
So, what do you want to do tonight? Dan.
Right.
Watch the end of the movie.
No.
You need to get the disk back.
You know, because it's the right thing to do, and that's the kind of guy you are? It seems kind of hard.
I mean, I don't know where it is, or what Mike's doing with it.
Oh.
So you know, after the movie, we could order-in food.
I don't know.
Seems kind of hard.
I'm not sure I know where you live, or what you did with the takeout menu.
I'll get the disk.
And I'll rent another movie you don't want to see.
Sorry to hear about your wedding.
Do you need to take some time? No, I think it's best to keep working.
It's really unfortunate.
It's probably for the best.
Oh, I'm sure.
I just meant it's unfortunate you had to miss work.
If you'd been here to stop me from sending that fax, this wouldn't have happened.
No signs at all.
Nothing.
Blankness.
Alan Now Fern's making the bathroom signs his number one priority.
What's funny about that? I know you're probably gonna want to kick me out of your place.
I'm sorry.
Why'd you do it? I don't know.
I was trying to make some grand gesture to win back Claire.
Can you understand that? Yeah.
I guess I do.
I guess I was going through those stages of loss, and I was angry.
I tell you, the other stages aren't fun, but at least I'm through the anger part.
This says "Alan Duffy Flute Tutorial.
" Alan switched the disk? He totally screwed me! I'm going to kill him! Hey, sorry to hear about your wedding.
So much for keeping it a secret.
Oh, I haven't told anyone.
Else.
It's okay.
It's gonna get out there.
You alright? I'm fine.
It's still kind of sinking in.
But it's sweet of you to come here and check up on me.
Yeah.
Also, is Alan here? You took Mike's disk.
Well, it's my disk.
Actually, it was intended for Jeff, but it's actually Anita's disk.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Come on, you stole the disk.
Oh, yeah, I know that.
I just didn't understand the way you said it.
You stole the disk? Well, I switched them.
I had to.
Come on, Claire.
This is great Intel.
But it doesn't belong to you.
Or you.
I'm trying to give it back.
I'm trying to do the right thing.
And hopefully impress a girl at the same time.
Oh, Dan.
No, different girl.
Oh.
I'm not giving it back.
Not while your boss is turning my wacky bylaw into a joke.
Okay, you give me the disk back, and I'll get Fern to put clear bathroom signs up.
It's gone way beyond that.
I'm keeping this disk.
I'm going to keep it and use it-- Here.
Thanks.
It's really hard to be menacing when you do things like that.
Sorry to hear about your wedding.
Why does everybody feel they have to say that? Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm not really sorry.
Because I made the right decision.
Thank you.
It's nice to hear that.
You get married for the wrong reasons, that's a lifetime of misery, right? I dodged a bullet! Actually, the reason I'm not sorry is because I don't know you that well.
Oh.
I misspoke.
I should have said I'm not sincerely sorry.
Well, thank you.
Sorry to hear about your wedding.
Thanks.
Who are you? I got the disk.
Great.
Let's give it back to-- Anita! Hello.
Here's your disk.
And I didn't look at it.
You see, what happened was someone dropped off a copy of your platform at Swifty Copy, and well-- Yes, yes.
And where are the copies? Sorry.
You wanted copies made? Well, that's why I took it to a copier.
That's the procedure, isn't it? So it wasn't, say, a trick? I just needed copies, and I thought Swifty Copy was the best.
Well, you got that right.
We always come through.
So where are my copies? I don't have 'em.
I want to make sure these new signs of yours follow the spirit of the law.
Sure.
Here's the men's.
And here's the ladies.
Hope that's clear enough for you.
I like it.
Really? Yeah.
It shows I'm fun.
Plus, the dress makes me look younger.
Oh.
And it's clear which one is which.
Oh, come on! Sorry, I must have put them on the wrong door.
Hey, Claire.
Listen, sorry to hear about your wedding.
God, does everyone know? I haven't told anyone.
Much.
Well, thanks.
I wanted to ask if you've got Alan's Flutorial disk.
You're really gonna have to say that again.
In the mix-up today, Alan gave away his flute tutorial disk.
Oh.
I'll ask Dan.
Thanks.
So Dan's seeing someone now, huh? No.
He and Brianna broke up.
Oh.
'Cause today he said he was trying to impress a girl.
And I don't think it was me.
Really? You sure? He definitely said "girl.
" Hmm.
Good morning.
Good morning.
It was nice that you went through all the trouble to return the disk, even though it turned out to be useless.
Ah, nice and useless.
That's what I do.
I guess I just thought, "W.
W.
S.
I.
S.
B.
" I don't get that.
"What Would Brianna Say I Should Do?" Did I get that right? Should there be another "S," or--? Who cares? You're sweet.
The "B" should have been after the "W"s, and there's a "D" at the end.
But you're sweet.
Thanks.
Ah, this isn't as awkward as I thought it would be.
Not at all.
It's awkward for me.
Hello.
Oh, hey, it's Jeff from Dan's campaign.
Sorry for calling so early.
The copies are fine.
Thanks for calling.
Well, we go the extra mile.
Then why did it take you so long? We had to go an extra mile.
Um, that's not the only reason I called.
I think Dan is still seeing Brianna.
Well, it's none of our business.
Leave it alone.
Why? What have you heard? Ah, it's just a couple of things adding up.
I didn't know who else to ask.
Well, there's nothing we can do about it.
Thanks for calling.
Apparently Brianna is still sneaking around with Dan.
Well, kids will be kids.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
Oh.
Hi, there.
I'm Alan Duffy, Deputy Mayor of the great City of Wessex.
But I'm also one heck of a flautist, and this is my Flute Tutorial, or "Flutorial," as I like to call it.
Let's start with my favourite part of flute playing, the stand.
You can move your fingers up and down the outside all you want, but without a proper stand, you might as well be playing the oboe.