Darkwing Duck (1991) s01e08 Episode Script

# Daring duck of mystery # Champion of right # Swoops out of the shadows # Darkwing owns the night # Somewhere some villain schemes # But his number's up Three.
two.
one # Darkwing Duck # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck Let's get dangerous.
# Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck! # Cloud of smoke and he appears # A master of surprise # Who's that cunning mind behind # That shadowy disguise? # Nobody knows for sure # But bad guys are out of luck.
'cause here comes - Darkwing Duck - Look out! # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck # Let's get dangerous # Darkwing Duck # Better watch out.
you bad boys # Darkwing Duck! (sirens) Hm, nice filament.
(high-pitched voice) We are glad to see you, Megavolt.
Oh, thank you, little light.
Would you like to come live with me? (high voice) Oh, that would be very nice! Now that is one four-star wacko.
A wacko named Megavolt.
I know him only too well.
(Launchpad) What makes you think he's behind this blackout? Because he's a walking electric dynamo.
He gets a charge out of short-circuiting cities.
Now stay here, in case he volts uh, bolts.
Slowly, the silent scourge stalks his unsuspecting adversary.
- Ow! - (gasps) Darkwing Duck! Aw, did I spoil your shopping spree, Sparky? Boy, I hate when you all me that! Ow.
Ow! Ooh! Aah! Yipes! And people wonder why I wear a cape.
At last, I get to pull the plug on Darkwing! (laughs) (crackles) Whoops, looks like I got a little power outage.
Happy landings, Duck! Hand over those bulbs, buddy.
What is with you people? Can't a guy have a hobby? Whoaaa! (grunting) Boy, this guy's a real live wire! Fortunately, we have a psychological advantage.
Because we're sane and he's not? No! Because Megavolt is afraid of me.
I've sent him to the electric chair.
Twice.
Ready? Hi-ya! (screams) A nice touch.
Electro-magnetizing steak knives.
- It sure impressed me.
- Maybe you'd better hang back.
No problem! - You can't run forever! - No, but you can! (grimacing) Lucky my suit is permanent press.
Oh, I feel kind of run down.
(yells) I am the terror that flaps in the night.
Happy flapping! He's using everything but the kitchen sink.
I stand corrected.
You are not a well person.
What? And you're normal? "I am the cold sore that stings your lip"? We're definitely talking demented.
Watch it, buster, or I'll punch out your lights! Lights? Why, Darkwing, I just flashed on how to get out of here.
(electric buzzing) (screams) Hey, stop! Darkwing, he's getting away! Huh? Darkwing? DW? Launchpad, would you turn on the lights? They are on.
- Oh, I see.
- You see what? Nothing.
(gulps) Absolutely nothing! But how long will he be blind? The doctors don't know.
They said those bright lights gave your dad's peepers an overload.
This is terrible! Hey, I know it sounds bad, but your dad's a trouper.
He'll be OK.
Yeah, Gosalyn, blind people do all sorts of stuff.
Well, like, Johann Sebastian Bach.
He went bli Johann played piano.
Nobody was shooting at him! My dad knows how to fight crime, period! What's he gonna do now? - There, is that more comfy? - No! Will you quit fussing, I'm fine! Just find me a robbery, a jaywalker.
A stockbroker, any crook will do! Gosh, just seems to be a slow day for crime.
Guess we might as well go home.
Hey! Maybe we can pick up a lead on the radio.
(Darkwing) Good idea, Launchpad.
Yeah, great idea, Launchpad.
Wow, what's with the radio? (man on radio)denies the president was allergic to whipped cream.
There you go, clear as a bell.
(Darkwing) Wait, back up.
(braking) (radio) Now time for K-DUCK News weather.
Tomorrow.
St.
Canard can expect low fog along the (static) Maybe I can't see a crime, but I can hear one.
Hear that static? It would take a pretty strong electrical field to jam the Thunderquack's radio! Unless it's Megavolt! Of course, the DeLoonian automobile factory! (Gosalyn) Way cool! The DeLoonian Lightning.
Fastest electric car on the road! Yes, and a tempting target for that electromagnetic maniac.
(maniacal laughter) Too bad I'm about to sizzle his circuits.
Oh, yoo-hoo, Darkwing Duck.
You can't find Megavolt.
- You can't see.
- No, but Launchpad can.
- Ready, LP? - Testing, testing, 1-2 - I hope this works, DW.
- Of course it'll work.
Once you give me some direction.
(tires screeching) Ooh, nice car.
Very nice car! Cadmium batteries, Corinthian leather.
- So expensive, so electric, so - So what? - I mean, just try to get spare parts.
- Darkwing! But enough of the preliminaries, let's get to the main event.
What do you think of that Psst! Turn around! dim bulb? (kung-fu yells) Look, maybe we can make a deal.
Or, maybe we can go for a ride! DW, to the left, now! This would be a great arcade game.
We could call it Whack Man.
(Launchpad) Jump! Keen gear, it's working! No! (tires screeching) Ooh, you poor thing.
Look what that mean Darkwing has done to you! (engine starts) OK, Launchpad, which way? Launchpad! I can't hear you! (screeching) Here goes.
(kung-fu yells) Whaah! Uh-oh! No! Not my DeLoonian! (beeping) You've ruined everything! Ow! Hey, what are you? What? Will you let me go? (screams) One order of pressed duck to go! (laughs) I don't like the sound of this.
Aw, nuts! It's locked! Nuts? Yeah, nuts! (panting) Huh? Fore! He-he! Hole in one! (coughing) You make a bigger mess than me.
(sirens) The-the police! Yeah, and unless we wanna play 20 questions, let's jet! Hey, hey, let me go! Will you take your hands off? Quit that! Hm, strange.
Why is Darkwing Duck being led around like a? Whoa! This is good! He's been playing blindman's bluff! For real! Which gives me a really bright idea.
(music on player) Dad! Yoo-hoo! Mm, what he can't see won't hurt him.
- Uh-uh-uh! - Hey! Da-Dad! Don't you "Da-Dad" me, young lady.
Didn't I tell you no snacks! What's with the robo-duck getup? The mistake I made before was depending on someone else to guide me.
But Darkwing Duck must be independent.
Self-sufficient.
Now, thanks to Honker and his catalogs, I can continue to fight crime.
Way to go, Honk.
Can't you give it a rest? Let the cops catch crooks from now on.
What do you mean from now on? The doctor said this is temporary.
Maybe, unless unless you go and get killed in the meantime.
Well, thanks so much for the support, Miss Cheerful Thoughts.
But fear not, Gosalyn, with this sensory-enhancing equipment, - I'm ready for anything.
- Hi, guys! I'm back with more Hey, love the Halloween costume.
How'd you know to do that? My ultra-audiotrons helped me to hear Launchpad coming behind the door.
Just like I heard you raiding the cookie jar.
My infrared-interpretometer tells me what's inside the bag.
My remote-mass analyzer tells me Lauchpad's height, weight and personal horoscope.
Well, I still don't Yeow! What's with my Squawkman? (over radio) Rise and shine.
St.
Canard! This is your wake-up call! - That's Megavolt! - And hello to you.
Darkwing Dork! # Three blind mice Three blind mice Sorry.
sort of an "in"joke.
Oh! He knows you're blind! Now.
for those of you who like clues.
if you want to defeat me meet me at First Light.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.
Be seeing you.
Darkwing! First light? He wants a showdown at dawn? No, no.
First Light isn't sunrise.
To Megavolt, it's the first light bulb.
(Launchpad) Here you go, the Hall of Invention.
- Keep the motor running.
Whoa! - (thud) - I'll be right out with Megavolt in tow.
- No way! We're going too! All right, but stay low.
This may be a trap.
Hello, light of my life! - Wanna come home with Uncle Megavolt? - Visiting hours are over Blinky! Cute! All you need is a lion, a scarecrow and little Toto.
But I'm afraid you're not in Kansas anymore.
Now this grim reaper will separate the wheat from the chaff.
Wait! He's using his threat assessor on Megavolt's suit.
(beeping) (Darkwing's device) Target lock.
But but I thought you were blind.
How did you do that? Rent the video.
But in the meantime, I'm going to Uh, he-he.
I don't suppose you'd hit Pause while I run home and fix this? Look out, runaway weapons! The number you have reached is not in service.
Bad break, Darkwing, but if you can't stand the heat, tough! (laughing) Yipes! - DW! - Dad! Gosalyn, oh, no! Launchpad, get the kids out to the Thunder quick! Look! - Can you fly it? - Hey, if it's got a wing, we've got a prayer.
Contact.
Phew! That was a close one.
Too close.
My stupid equipment and my foolish pride.
- I almost got you three killed.
- Well, yeah, that's true.
Launchpad! Anyway, the important thing is we're all OK.
- Right, Darkwing? - No, just stick to "Drake.
" From now on, there is no more Darkwing Duck.
I quit! Oh, boy! Some storm out there.
Hey, yo, Honk.
Gosalyn, how's your dad? You mean Mr.
Woe-is-Me? (# harmonica) # I got those has-been superhero # Has-been superhero blues I just wanted him to quit crime-fighting, but he's given up on everything.
Aw, you just leave him to the old Launchpad.
Aw, come on, Mallard, man, it's one thing to give up on being a hero - but you can't give up on life.
Where's our "never say die" guy? Oh, what does it matter? I'm useless.
Finito.
A spare sock in the hamper of life.
Well, we still think you're the greatest, right, Honker? Absolutely.
Yeah, well, if I'm so good, how come I couldn't stop Megavolt, huh? Well, maybe you still can! Oh, forget it, Gosalyn, you said it yourself.
Let the police handle him, I am retired.
Fine, sure, of course, but just for the sake of argument, if you were going after him, what's the first thing you'd do? Well, I'd try to catch him off guard, at his hideout.
- Of course, we'd have to find it.
- Yeah, that would be kinda hard.
Not really.
Megavolt uses lots of electricity.
So I'd tap into the Department of Water and Power's computer and see where there were any power surges.
Make sense to me.
Punch it! (yelling) Shanghaied by a couple of kids and a crash-crazy aviator.
- Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
- Chill out.
You've still got what it takes.
It was you who figured out where to find Megavolt.
The Lighthouse at Beaker's Point.
We don't have proof.
Somebody'd have to go in and scope it out.
- (Gosalyn) Now you're talkin'! - I am not going! I am out of the crime-busting business, remember? If you say so.
Be right back! We're just going to look around.
And if Megavolt is there, you get right back here and we'll call the Army.
Gotcha! Come on, gang, let's get dangerous! (humming) OK, be extremely quiet.
(door jarring open) (Launchpad) How about slightly quiet? - Are you sure this is a good plan? - It's a great plan.
We spot Megavolt, my dad says, "I am the terror," blah blah blah.
and we play Bop the Bad Guy.
(alarm sounds) - Got any other plans? - Just one - run! (alarm continues) Aw, how nice! (all gasp) It seems I've attracted some guests.
Oh, perfect.
Megavolt spotted them.
Kind of late to be house shopping.
Yeah! But, boy, you got a great place! Tell you what, you spring for new carpets, we'll take it! Please! I know you! You're the Darkwing Duck Fan Club.
Yes, and as a matter of fact, we're having a membership drive.
- Told ya he'd come! - Swell, now we can all fry together.
Give it up, Duck.
I got the weapons, I got the home advantage, and you can't see! Have you lost your senses? Just one, but I've got others.
For example, touch.
Judging by the heat, I'd say I'm directly under a light.
- Very observant, for a blind duck.
- Thanks ever so.
Now I know how you got your name.
You've always been in the dark.
Oh, I am so hurt! Hi-ya! That ought to even things out! Nice try, Duck.
But I'm tired of you busting my bulbs! Hi-ya! (kung-fu yells) Take that! And that! Don't forget this one! And one of these! Whoa! Oh! Ooh! Oh! You couldn't have! You couldn't have! Blast you! You're handicapped! We prefer the term "physically challenged.
" Yes, evildoers everywhere, beware that grim guardian of good.
That nocturnal nemesis of ne'er-do-wells.
Darkwing! Duck! That's moi! (alarm) Hide your eyes! (all yell) (Launchpad) Wow! I haven't seen fireworks like that since the county fair! Dad? Honker, give me your flashlight.
Hey, watch where you shine that! Hey, wait a minute.
I can see? I can see! Gee, DW, I guess all you needed was another shock to the system.
Amazing! Fabulous! Not bad at all.
Are you a sight for sore eyes! Oh, Dad! (both) Uh-oh! # Darkwing Duck! # Darkwing Duck! # Darkwing Duck! # Darkwing Duck!