Downward Dog (2017) s01e08 Episode Script

1 Buddy, you got to work with me, come on.
Martin: Sometimes Sometimes I feel like Nan doesn't take me very seriously.
Like, all I've ever asked for is a little respect, you know, like, a modicum of dignity.
Smile.
Say, "Pirate.
" [Camera shutter clicks.]
- Come on, don't look so miserable, buddy.
- [Camera shutter clicks.]
But instead, once every, like, seven years or something, Nan dresses me up in these, like, bizarre outfits, and she takes me on this comedy parade around the neighborhood so everyone can laugh at how stupid I look.
[Whimpers.]
[Whimpers.]
[Whimpers.]
[Whimpers.]
Lookit.
Hey, say, "Argh! Argh!" [Camera shutter clicks.]
- Good boy.
- [Cellphone ringing.]
Hold on.
- Hello.
Stay here.
- Woman: Hi, Nan.
I have Tristen from Clark & Bow Corporate for you.
Oh, hi, Tristen.
And I like jokes as much as anyone else.
Like, I'm a funny guy.
But I guess I just don't think it's funny to use someone's body against their will as, like, a comedic prop.
Wow, thank you so much.
I Uh, can I can I think about it for just a couple days? Great.
Okay.
Thank you.
I'll talk to you then.
Like, this isn't Like, th this isn't natural.
Whaaaaaat?! Like, it's hard not to feel like we've strayed a long, long ways from what a dog's life is supposed to be.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Wow, this is your new gig, huh? Yeah.
Uh it turns out people will pay you to be moderately charming and pour liquids into cups.
[Chuckles.]
Well, it's a good thing you're good at pouring liquids into cups, then.
What brings you here? Um, well, actually, I'm going out of town for just a couple of days to kind of, um get some clarity on some weird stuff that's been going on.
But I wanted to stop by and make sure that we're cool.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're cool.
So, is this weird stuff, like, all top-secret or something? 'Cause, uh, I'm a bartender now.
They're offering me Kevin's job.
- That's crazy.
- Yeah.
What are they gonna do with old Kevin? Um, I don't know.
They're not letting him go.
It's just, like, a restructuring.
The weird thing is, honestly, I don't even really know if I want it, you know? But on the other hand, like, you know, money and power and all that, so I'm just gonna take the weekend, just me and the dog, and kind of figure some things out.
- Yeah, spiritual journey.
- Yeah.
How very un-Nan-like of you.
I'm also gonna stop by my dad's place on the way up, like, as briefly as possible, so that should be nice and sucky and uncomplicated.
You know, I'm sure you'll figure it out.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Hey, buddy.
Who's a good dog? Like, at times, I feel like Nan views me as less of a life partner and more of, like, her, like, hairy little child or something.
Okay.
You got to go potty, huh? You okay holding it? And I'm just like, "I'm sorry" you're so low-key desperate for a baby.
" But don't dump all that maternal sadness on to me.
" Like, I'm a wolf.
And the crazy thing is that before dogs domesticated humans, they used to respect that.
Humans were these, like, little hairless moles with these dull, rotten, little teeth and these silly little fingers and they just followed each other all day.
[Snarling.]
And so we wolves just ate them all the time.
They were so, so soft and slow, I-I-it was great.
But it turns out that humans' silly little fingers were actually really, really, really good at belly rubs.
And as long as they kept, you know, scratching us and feeding us and snuggling us, we didn't murder them in their sleep.
But the problem is, somewhere along the way, we fell in love with them.
And I think humans kind of confuse that love for domestication.
Gosh, it's so pretty out here.
That is so weird.
Wow.
Call Jenn.
- Woman: Calling Jenn.
- [Ringing.]
Jenn: Hey, there, boss bitch.
Don't start with that.
I'm not even sure if I'm taking it yet.
Well, you need to decide fast.
He can kind of smell that something's up.
I should just back out now.
Kevin drama alone is not making it worth it.
He was starting to ask questions, so I told him that I overheard he was anointed V.
P.
of marketing.
Clearly, he didn't buy that.
Some part of him must know how badly he's been screwing up lately.
There is no limit to what Kevin believes he deserves.
He's already implementing new office-wide dress-code policies.
Gwen, what the Frick is that top? You love this top.
Old me loved that top.
I'm the presumptive V.
P.
now.
Yeah, you have until Monday, okay? Absolutely no pressure.
Cool, that's actually, like, um a ton of pressure, but thank you.
'Kay, bye.
Bye.
[Beeping.]
[Sighs.]
But I guess part of this part of this is on me.
This is just what we needed, huh, buddy? Like, a real wolf, once she put that costume on me, would have ripped her throat out.
And maybe I should have, you know? But instead, I went in for those super-addictive snuggles.
[Birds chirping.]
That's a new development.
Okay.
[Sighs.]
Hey, Dad.
Wade: Ah, I can't believe you made it.
Sorry it's, uh been such a long time, though.
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
Three years.
Well, it's good to see you.
It's good to see you, too.
Um, hey, Dad, why didn't you tell me you're selling the house? But now you know what? Now we're out here in the wild.
And I think it's time.
I think it's time I showed her my wolf.
Well, uh take whatever you want.
And if your mom and sister want anything, you can take that, too.
I'm not taking much with me.
Yeah, I actually, um I just stopped by for a bit, you know.
I don't really have time to sort through my entire childhood.
Well, you just got here.
Yeah, Dad, but remember I booked that place up on Erie.
I needed to, like, get away and clear my head.
Ah.
Yeah, I-I got this big job offer, actually, and I'd, like, be head of my whole department, so I'm not not even sure if I want it, though.
Actually, maybe you've seen the signs.
We have a billboard out on, uh, 79.
Oh, you made a sign.
Uh, yeah, yeah.
Little bit more than that.
[Chuckles.]
But, um Yeah.
I don't know.
It kind of, like, destroyed my personal life and seems kind of crazy to go back to a job that's even more stressful, even if does mean it would be kind of, like, awesome to be the boss.
Ah, you don't want to be the boss, Annie.
Well, I might.
Well, I mean, people get so caught up in the rat race, pretend to be someone they're not.
You You still think I'm pretending to be someone I'm not? I'm really good at my job, Dad.
Yeah, I-I don't want to get into this again.
Um Well, I'll get out of your hair.
Um Maybe take that dog for a walk.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
The moment the good man let me go, I decided that everything was gonna be different because everywhere we go, Nan clips this stupid leash on me.
Like, here's a relationship tip if you need to literally lash your partner to your hip to keep them from running away, maybe you have larger unresolved emotional issues to deal with.
Come on, dog.
Like, I know it's kind of basic, but maybe you forgot.
If you love something, you're supposed to let it go.
[Cellphone ringing.]
Hey.
Nan, you have to save us.
We are living in Hell here.
Are you kidding me?! I bled for this place! I bled for you people! [Indistinct shouting.]
What's going on over there? It sounds insane.
So, Kevin found out that someone else is up for his job.
He doesn't know who, but he has completely lost it.
- [Breaking up.]
- Look, I'm sorry, girl.
Just call Tristen.
He can - Hey! God.
- Who is that? - Is that Why is she calling Tristen? - Jenn? Jenn? - Is that her? - Mnh-mnh.
Mnh-mnh.
- You're You're breaking up.
- It's not Nan.
It's not.
- Jenn, I'm losing you.
- Nan, is it you? Do you know something? - I need - Kevin, you're breaking up.
[Static hissing.]
My life is over! Please, Nan, you got to tell me everything! If you know anything, and I find out, I'm gonna [bleep.]
you with your own dog [Breathing heavily.]
I'm gonna [bleep.]
you with your dog's skull! I'm gonna [bleep.]
Nan? I can't I'm I'm going back to London.
I can't do this.
I can't.
You have to take the job! [Phone beeping.]
[TV On The Radio's "Wolf Like Me" plays.]
It was just crazy how amazing it felt to be out in the wild.
I just felt so alive, like lit from head to toe with smells and grit and danger.
And, like, I could tell how awesome I looked.
Wade: Come here, dog! Come here, boy! You know, like, I-I could feel this crazy abandon rise up in my chest like it was propelling me forward towards this inevitable destiny.
I was connecting with something deeper, something primal in me, like something raw and blood-toothed and wild, like, something I'd allowed to lay dormant for too long.
Dog! Come on back, boy! Come on! Writhing under your riding hood Tell your gra'ma and your mama too It's true, it's true, it's true, it's true We're howling forever Hey, Dad, I need to get going if I'm gonna get to the lake by dark, so Where's Martin? Well, that's what I came to tell you.
He ran off.
What? Well, he must've smelled something.
He took off like a little banshee.
I don't know what got into him.
Are Are you seriously telling me that Martin's lost right now? He'll find his way back.
That's what dogs do.
He's a city dog, Dad.
He can't Are you serious? Martin's useless.
He'll die out there.
Now, don't get hysterical.
He's not gonna die.
[Scoffs.]
Okay.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Perfect! Martin: And I was loving it so much that I barely even noticed that I was alone.
The further I got from Nan's domestic, safe little world, the the happier I became.
I felt amazing.
Just, like, naked and free in the wild.
Like, I was worried my urban life had made me soft, but as it turns out, like, survival is really, really super easy.
I mean, there are just, like, food bags lying around everywhere.
But then again, I was like, "Of course.
" Of course I'm great at survival.
" Martin, come on, boy! Martin! Martin! Come on! [Ringing.]
- [Breaking up.]
- Hey, It's Jason.
I can't get to the phone.
Leave a message at the beep.
[Beeps.]
Jason, I don't know if you can hear me or not, - but Martin's lost.
- [Beeps.]
Damn it.
Damn it.
Martin! And the thing is, I heard her.
I did.
Martin! Of course, part of me wanted to go back and say, "Oh, this was like some day trip, like, a fun, little adventure.
" But as I stood there, I didn't want to go back.
I felt like saying, like, "Look at me.
Do I look like some silly pet? No, I'm a wolf.
" And you know what? Wolves don't need anyone, just like I don't need anyone babying me or putting me in funny outfits.
[Howling.]
This is where I belong.
Martin! Come on, buddy! Come on back! - Things - [Owl hoots.]
Things didn't quite go as I planned.
Like, I guess one of the things I didn't realize is that is that there's no one out here to turn on the lights or, like, fluff up the pillows.
Like Like Like, where where are the pillows? A-And And, honestly, whoever designed the food-bag system really dropped the ball on, like, even distribution because I-I can't find anything out here.
[Chittering.]
And there are lots of, like, creatures making, like, scary, scary sounds, and, like, I'm pretty sure there's something like there's definitely something in the lake.
And And And I couldn't I couldn't hear Nan anymore.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Martin! Martin? Martin?! Martin! [Voice breaking.]
Martin! [Sniffles.]
Martin! I was just I was lost.
[Vehicle approaching.]
[Engine shuts off.]
[Vehicle door closes.]
Jason.
[Sobbing.]
I got your message.
I can't find Martin.
He's lost.
It's okay.
It's okay.
We're gonna find him, Nan.
I promise.
What if we don't, though? What if we don't find him? I-I found his collar.
He squirms out of that thing all the time, okay? I can't lose him.
I-I already lost you, and things with my dad are this total joke, and I can't lose Martin, too.
Hey, hey.
You haven't lost me.
And we're gonna find Martin.
- Okay.
- Okay? Okay.
Come on.
Martin! [Sniffing.]
There in that valley in the middle of the woods, I had what might be the darkest moment of my life [Whimpers.]
because the fact is, I'm not a wild animal.
I-I don't I don't belong out here.
It's even all the more awful because I just felt like, "Where do I belong?" Like, I don't belong in Nan's world, either.
I'm I'm always tearing things up when I'm not supposed to or, like, grossing her out.
And I And I just feel trapped between these two worlds because part of me just wants to cuddle and love on Nan and do tricks for her and make her laugh, but there another part of me that that is wild and does want to tear things up and run away and say, "I'll do whatever the hell I want", and nothing you could do or say can stop me.
" I have so many conflicting desires and so many big questions.
- Martin! - Here, buddy! - Come on, boy! - [Whistles.]
Sometimes I don't feel like I understand anything.
Martin! - Come on, Martin! - Hey! Hey, buddy! Come on! [Martin barking.]
Martin.
Dad, I can't believe you found him.
Oh, you scared me.
You scared me so bad.
He's okay, Nan.
He's okay.
Hi, buddy.
You okay? You okay? Feet up.
Stay there.
You should have seen his face when I found him.
I don't think I've ever seen a dog look that scared.
Hey th-thanks for finding him.
Don't mention it.
Uh, hey, if you don't wait three years before you come see me next time, maybe I'll go check out that billboard of yours.
Well, maybe I'll come by and see you if there's still a house to come see you at.
Okay.
Yeah.
Well We'll see.
Okay.
I'm just a little person - One person in a sea - [Indistinct conversations.]
Of many little people - So, what's the verdict? - Hmm? You gonna force us all to work for Kevin forever? [Laughs.]
Honestly, I don't know yet.
When Martin was lost, I didn't think about work once.
Like, not one time.
- So you're not taking it? - I don't know.
I mean, you know, who'd have thought that the girl who grew up out there and was, like, totally convinced that she would never, ever escape would be offered a job like this? So Wow, sounds like you really found some clarity.
[Doorbell rings.]
- Hi, Kevin.
- Hi.
[Sighs.]
I know what you're thinking and I'm unarmed.
I wasn't worried.
Kind of am now, though.
[Laughs.]
[Chuckles nervously.]
Do you, um Do you want to come in or No.
I don't.
I just came to say that when I found out was you, Nan, I was just so, so happy.
Why? 'Cause I know you.
And I know you're a good person.
You have a little good-person house and a non-fashionable shelter dog, you know? - You're Nan.
- [Chuckles.]
I knew you would do the right thing, right, Nan? Pretty sure you're gonna do the right thing.
- Yeah, Kev, I'm gonna - Right, Nan? I'm gonna do the right thing.
Phew! [Laughs.]
Well, that's a relief.
[Chuckles.]
I'll take that as a promise, so Thanks for stopping by.
Have a good night.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Okay.
Um, be safe.
Please don't make you my boss! - Please? - Okay.
Bye Bye, now.
Okay.
Martin: Because, honestly, part of me thinks I've been kind of lying to myself about wanting to be seen as this big, tough, wild animal anyway.
Hey, can we show them Martin's costume? Oh, God, I feel bad.
He really hates it.
It's just gonna take a second.
Please? Please, please, please? Please? Oh, my God.
Please? - Okay.
Okay! - Please.
Yes! I've been too embarrassed to admit it, but deep down, maybe I am kind of silly.
But the thing is, everyone's looking at me, and they're laughing at my jokes.
Like, I'm making everyone happy.
[Laughter.]
I kind of feel like it all worked out.
I mean, sure, I made a series of wildly irresponsible choices.
Like, I ran away and almost got eaten by a lake monster.
Like, I even threatened to rip Nan's throat out, which is, like, a really crazy thing to say.
Nobody really knows how life works, do they? - Nope, no one ever, anywhere.
- [Laughs.]
There's no guidebooks.
Everyone is hopelessly confused.
- That's optimistic.
- Uh-huh.
But I guess that means we can do whatever we want, right? That's what I do.
But maybe life isn't about making all the right decisions because here we are, around a fire like it's been for tens of thousands of years.
There's Nan and Jason, a bunch of friends, and a weird little dog, like, this dysfunctional pack of lonely, confused, cuddly little animals.
But you know what? This is what drew wolves to humans in the first place.
And I might never understand who I am or or what life means, but in this one, single moment, you know what? I know where I belong.
I'll meet a second little person And we'll go out and play So, yesterday I was hanging out with Sprinkles and Jeff when they just, like, offhandedly referred to me as a narcissist.
And at first I was super defensive, but, like, the more I think about it, I kind of think, maybe, they're right.
Like, I talk about myself, like, all the time.
Like, maybe I just need to, like, shut up for once, just, like, shut up.
Anyway, I'm pretty proud of myself for just kind of, like, having the self-awareness to have that thought, you know? Like, I think I'm making some pretty big strides.