EastSiders (2012) s01e08 Episode Script
Episode 8
1 Found the fucking spoons.
It's too late.
The cereal's all limp and miserable.
Do you want to go out to breakfast? Sure.
There a good breakfast place we can walk to around here? This is Silver Lake; it's like one big, giant breakfast place.
What were we doing eating cereal anyway? - That's the old us.
- Yeah, the new us? We spend, like, our entire paycheck on eggs and shit.
Speak for yourself.
You're the one with a paycheck.
You're gonna get that job at that gallery.
And get discovered by Fine Art magazine? - Is that a thing? - Probably.
Yeah, they probably have articles too, right? Maybe they will accompany their profile on you, with a short essay that I have written about how hot and sexy you are.
Care to share an excerpt with me? Well, it's a work in progress.
Gotta do more research.
- [KNOCKING.]
- Mmm.
No You've gotta be kidding me.
Sorry.
- You don't have to answer it.
- I do.
Uh-uh, uh-uh.
She hates me.
She doesn't hate you.
Yeah She said I was shifty.
Years ago.
Also last week.
[KNOCKING CONTINUES.]
Neighbor! Hey, neighbor.
Hey, Kathy.
Hello, Thomas.
So, what are you two queers up to this morning? About to get some breakfast.
That sounds really boring.
Oh, yeah? You got a better idea? Yeah, I do actually.
Brunch! We're celebrating.
[CORK POPS.]
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
This doesn't count towards the case you owe me, by the way.
What case? Um, I once drank an entire case of champagne that Cal was saving.
- It's true - In one sitting.
Doesn't surprise me.
It was college, things were crazy.
So, how was your first night cohabitating? Wonderfully uneventful.
Oh, yeah? What did you guys do? We unpacked a few boxes.
Just watched a movie.
God, you guys sound like you're married.
Sorry.
What did you do last night? I had a huge bukkake.
You should've been there.
You should come to my next bukkake.
I think we're fine.
[WITH ACCENT.]
You don't want to bukkake with me?! Do you know what that word means? You are playing right into her hand.
No, actually, you guys, I actually went on a date last night.
- Oh, yeah? - Um, this guy, his name's Ian.
He's super cute, he's like a landscape architect thing, or something like that.
You know what he told me? He told me at the end of the date that he really liked me.
How very "Edge of 17" is that? Do you like him? Yeah, but don't tell him that, okay? I don't want him to think that I'm weak.
Kathy, tell him that you like him.
No, I do not have to tell him anything.
I want to keep him guessing.
Because, you know, if he finds out about the real me it's all over.
Oh, Kathy, that's not true.
You guys want to meet him? Now? We've got so much unpacking we have to do.
Perfect.
I'm gonna tell him to bring over a bottle of whiskey.
Oh, and guys, let's order a pizza.
[KNOCKING.]
Hey, you must be Cal.
Uh, Thom, actually.
Did you bring whiskey? Yes, I did.
Hey you're Cal.
Cal, nice to meet you.
Found it.
You are the one I love right now Things could change But they don't have to Something feels right here Something feels tender You are the one I'm kissing now In our lives we've had so many lovers We try to get it right But so often fail Just this once Let's stay together Figure it out and You really don't have to do this.
No, I love alphabetizing.
I usually just go by color.
That would drive me crazy.
Don't worry, I got this.
Okay, that's enough for me.
Lightweight.
Oh, yeah, guilty.
Where we hanging this, huh? I think we should probably check with Thom about that.
No.
We're hanging this up.
Give me a hammer.
- Is she trying to hang things? - No, no.
- You promise? - I promise you.
[HAMMER CLANGS ON FLOOR.]
So where are you from, Ian? Outside Minneapolis.
Apple Valley.
No shit.
Kathy and I went to school in the city.
What'd you guys study? Photography.
Actressing.
Actressing, huh? How'd you guys meet? Well, Kathy actually stumbled into my dorm room, drunk, and tried to seduce me.
Cal! I don't actually ever get drunk.
I was talking about the guys, actually.
Oh! Well, I was doing a reading at a book store.
And like five people came.
You went to his reading.
No, close.
I was working at the coffee shop in the book store, as a latte artist, which is still the closest I've come to actually using my degree.
- And you liked his poetry? - Fiction, please.
- Sorry.
- I did.
I did.
I remember thinking that I kind of knew him, or something and I really wanted him to know me.
So, he gave me a coffee.
It was, like, 9:30 at night and I knew that if I drank that coffee I would be up all night, but I did.
And we just We just stayed talking until the bookstore closed.
And Cal did not go home with Thom, even though he definitely really, really, really, wanted to go home with Thom.
But they met for lunch the next day and they kept talking until it was time for dinner.
So they went to dinner together.
And then, finally, after holding out for less than 24 hours, Cal did go home with Thom and they held hands.
And they've been basically holding hands ever since.
Aww.
I've heard this story so many times, it's basically like I was there.
Well, I was texting you every 30 minutes.
You were? Yes, I'm sorry.
- Cal, that sounds awful shifty.
- The shiftiest.
[LAUGHS.]
You wanna walk me home? Speaking of shifty.
Sure.
So when can I see you again? I don't know, I'm really busy.
I have, like, a ton of auditions.
Well, I had a really great time tonight.
Your friends are nice guys.
Yeah, but Cal is pretty great, right? I aspire to be that happy, y'know? Do you wanna, like, come inside for a drink? - Yeah.
- Yeah? - Definitely.
- Okay.
Ian seems nice.
Think it'll work out? Not a chance.
I thought she was never gonna leave.
I know that's, like, a saying or whatever, and I'm sorry, but I'm serious.
I'm serious.
I resigned myself to the fact that she was gonna spend the rest of her life in our apartment.
More than that, until eternity.
And you were still gonna stick it out with me? We have a lease.
- Oh, yeah, you're stuck with me.
- For a year.
Well, you're stuck with me.
So there.
I think we can do this.
We can do this, right? Of course we can do this.
Promise me? It was just one time.
Just promise me, asshole.
I promise.
I've got a good feeling.
It's too late.
The cereal's all limp and miserable.
Do you want to go out to breakfast? Sure.
There a good breakfast place we can walk to around here? This is Silver Lake; it's like one big, giant breakfast place.
What were we doing eating cereal anyway? - That's the old us.
- Yeah, the new us? We spend, like, our entire paycheck on eggs and shit.
Speak for yourself.
You're the one with a paycheck.
You're gonna get that job at that gallery.
And get discovered by Fine Art magazine? - Is that a thing? - Probably.
Yeah, they probably have articles too, right? Maybe they will accompany their profile on you, with a short essay that I have written about how hot and sexy you are.
Care to share an excerpt with me? Well, it's a work in progress.
Gotta do more research.
- [KNOCKING.]
- Mmm.
No You've gotta be kidding me.
Sorry.
- You don't have to answer it.
- I do.
Uh-uh, uh-uh.
She hates me.
She doesn't hate you.
Yeah She said I was shifty.
Years ago.
Also last week.
[KNOCKING CONTINUES.]
Neighbor! Hey, neighbor.
Hey, Kathy.
Hello, Thomas.
So, what are you two queers up to this morning? About to get some breakfast.
That sounds really boring.
Oh, yeah? You got a better idea? Yeah, I do actually.
Brunch! We're celebrating.
[CORK POPS.]
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
This doesn't count towards the case you owe me, by the way.
What case? Um, I once drank an entire case of champagne that Cal was saving.
- It's true - In one sitting.
Doesn't surprise me.
It was college, things were crazy.
So, how was your first night cohabitating? Wonderfully uneventful.
Oh, yeah? What did you guys do? We unpacked a few boxes.
Just watched a movie.
God, you guys sound like you're married.
Sorry.
What did you do last night? I had a huge bukkake.
You should've been there.
You should come to my next bukkake.
I think we're fine.
[WITH ACCENT.]
You don't want to bukkake with me?! Do you know what that word means? You are playing right into her hand.
No, actually, you guys, I actually went on a date last night.
- Oh, yeah? - Um, this guy, his name's Ian.
He's super cute, he's like a landscape architect thing, or something like that.
You know what he told me? He told me at the end of the date that he really liked me.
How very "Edge of 17" is that? Do you like him? Yeah, but don't tell him that, okay? I don't want him to think that I'm weak.
Kathy, tell him that you like him.
No, I do not have to tell him anything.
I want to keep him guessing.
Because, you know, if he finds out about the real me it's all over.
Oh, Kathy, that's not true.
You guys want to meet him? Now? We've got so much unpacking we have to do.
Perfect.
I'm gonna tell him to bring over a bottle of whiskey.
Oh, and guys, let's order a pizza.
[KNOCKING.]
Hey, you must be Cal.
Uh, Thom, actually.
Did you bring whiskey? Yes, I did.
Hey you're Cal.
Cal, nice to meet you.
Found it.
You are the one I love right now Things could change But they don't have to Something feels right here Something feels tender You are the one I'm kissing now In our lives we've had so many lovers We try to get it right But so often fail Just this once Let's stay together Figure it out and You really don't have to do this.
No, I love alphabetizing.
I usually just go by color.
That would drive me crazy.
Don't worry, I got this.
Okay, that's enough for me.
Lightweight.
Oh, yeah, guilty.
Where we hanging this, huh? I think we should probably check with Thom about that.
No.
We're hanging this up.
Give me a hammer.
- Is she trying to hang things? - No, no.
- You promise? - I promise you.
[HAMMER CLANGS ON FLOOR.]
So where are you from, Ian? Outside Minneapolis.
Apple Valley.
No shit.
Kathy and I went to school in the city.
What'd you guys study? Photography.
Actressing.
Actressing, huh? How'd you guys meet? Well, Kathy actually stumbled into my dorm room, drunk, and tried to seduce me.
Cal! I don't actually ever get drunk.
I was talking about the guys, actually.
Oh! Well, I was doing a reading at a book store.
And like five people came.
You went to his reading.
No, close.
I was working at the coffee shop in the book store, as a latte artist, which is still the closest I've come to actually using my degree.
- And you liked his poetry? - Fiction, please.
- Sorry.
- I did.
I did.
I remember thinking that I kind of knew him, or something and I really wanted him to know me.
So, he gave me a coffee.
It was, like, 9:30 at night and I knew that if I drank that coffee I would be up all night, but I did.
And we just We just stayed talking until the bookstore closed.
And Cal did not go home with Thom, even though he definitely really, really, really, wanted to go home with Thom.
But they met for lunch the next day and they kept talking until it was time for dinner.
So they went to dinner together.
And then, finally, after holding out for less than 24 hours, Cal did go home with Thom and they held hands.
And they've been basically holding hands ever since.
Aww.
I've heard this story so many times, it's basically like I was there.
Well, I was texting you every 30 minutes.
You were? Yes, I'm sorry.
- Cal, that sounds awful shifty.
- The shiftiest.
[LAUGHS.]
You wanna walk me home? Speaking of shifty.
Sure.
So when can I see you again? I don't know, I'm really busy.
I have, like, a ton of auditions.
Well, I had a really great time tonight.
Your friends are nice guys.
Yeah, but Cal is pretty great, right? I aspire to be that happy, y'know? Do you wanna, like, come inside for a drink? - Yeah.
- Yeah? - Definitely.
- Okay.
Ian seems nice.
Think it'll work out? Not a chance.
I thought she was never gonna leave.
I know that's, like, a saying or whatever, and I'm sorry, but I'm serious.
I'm serious.
I resigned myself to the fact that she was gonna spend the rest of her life in our apartment.
More than that, until eternity.
And you were still gonna stick it out with me? We have a lease.
- Oh, yeah, you're stuck with me.
- For a year.
Well, you're stuck with me.
So there.
I think we can do this.
We can do this, right? Of course we can do this.
Promise me? It was just one time.
Just promise me, asshole.
I promise.
I've got a good feeling.