Easy Abby (2012) s01e08 Episode Script
Martini in the Closet
(music trumpet funny sad) - (Sara) I'm coming.
I am coming.
- Hey.
Hey Eileen, what's up? Not too much.
Hey Sara.
Hi, how's it going? So, um, we're going out for a drink.
But I wanted to stop by because Carolyn's out of town, and she sent Sara this text.
- And? - So, I said "Hey I miss you.
The house misses you.
" And then she said "I have cramps and I'll talk to you on Tuesday".
And I think we should uh drink! Well you always want to drink.
- So I said - What do you wanna do? I want to go home and eat a pint of ice cream and wake up on Tuesday.
Oh no no no! Honey are you kidding me? You're way too much woman for that! - I mean, look at you.
- (Abby giggles) You ain't got nothing to worry about.
You just play it cool.
- Play it cool.
- Play it cool.
See? I say, you go out, you're going to the bar right? Have a few drinks.
You know, flirt You know, you know how to flirt? - Not really - She used to.
Well, get the ball, send her a text message and just say "So I'll see you Tuesday".
- See? There you go.
- Leave it at that! - "See you on Tuesday?" - Yeah.
No - don't even react.
Don't respond you know? - Yeah.
Chill.
Unaffected.
So come meet up, we're going to The Closet.
- So I'm off in an hour and I'll meet you then.
- Yeah.
- It's great.
- Alright.
I'll uh I'm there for you.
And I'm gonna help you on this one alright? Alright.
We got her right? - Oh yeah yeah.
- I got you.
I'll see you guys in bit.
- Yep Eileen's got ya - I got ya.
- Alright you got me - Alright! Bye Sara! Abby voiceover: I want Sara to be happy.
But I don't like how Carolyn's treating her.
They should be in the Honeymoon Phase.
Instead they jumped right to the Push-Pull Withholding Phase.
I hope she breaks up with her.
(music plays by Ripley Caine) What's the drink special? Do NOT leave me here.
- Do not leave me here, Abby.
- What? Okay, - I'm not leaving! - Hey Bobbie.
- Hey.
- What are your specials tonight? Uh we got $3 dollar Miller Lite bottles.
Is Miller Lite better than Bud Light? I don't drink beer but, a lot of people been buying them.
Hey Bobbie.
Who is um, Cosmo over there? I don't divulge.
You're going to have to figure that one out all by yourself.
Come on.
That's very unhelpful.
You still giving massages, Bobbie? I could use something.
I think I cracked my rib.
You know what they say about fixing a cracked rib? - What? - Can't do shit about it.
(laughter) No man look, I don't do massage anymore.
I'm in law school.
- No shit? - Shit.
- Is it hard? - Yeah.
It sucks.
Every time I go to class I just feel sick.
What do you go for? To law school? - Yeah.
- It's law.
So lawyering? I don't know the verb but - That's probably what - (laughter) - Yep - To lawyer? Yeah.
Okay.
Um, Bobbie? Can we take one Miller Lite and one Bud Lite please? Yes Ma'am.
We're going to have a Taste Test! Hmm yay.
(laughs) - With Miller Lite and Bud Lite? - Yes.
Classy.
Alright.
Mix them up! Okay.
- Don't choke.
- Ugh.
Is it good with the gum? Yeah.
Really adds a little something.
Yeah I gotta get rid of that.
Okay, here we go.
Oops, thank you.
- It's like comparing sandpaper.
- Abby: But with your tongue.
(laughter) So, which one? Umm, I think I need to try them again.
No no no.
Oh okay this one! There you go.
See it's always the last one.
Yeah, it's what left in her mouth! Sara: Ha ha Abby: Love the one you're with! - Bobbie: Cheers! - Cheers.
(background music: Daphne Willis) Oh yeah to that.
Can I get a shot of Jamo? I thought you were trying to save money? I have like, uh, 2 grand already.
- Dollars? - Yep.
Wow, I've never had that much ever in my whole life.
Well, Carolyn owns the condo.
You pay her what, like $400 a month? You could save a lot.
But I moved in for love.
Well, we're here in case that don't work out.
Let's just say you had to ask someone home tonight.
Like your life depended on it.
What would you say? I'd say, "Do you like the smell of crayons?" You would not.
I work with 2nd-graders all day.
If she doesn't like the smell of that then No.
It's like, your life depends on it! Like, your life would be over unless you get her to come home with you! Wel, what do you say? That's what I need to know.
No, you need to be able to pull it off.
She has to believe you.
And, you can't use my words.
I say something different every time.
It's like a case by case thing.
Well, give me an example.
Well like the other weekend I said uh (No talking.
Flashback music by ShutEye) Yeah.
But what did you SAY? I said: "You are absolutely beautiful.
" And it's driving me crazy being this close to you "without touching you.
" But you did something crazy with your eyes.
Whatever.
Just go over there and talk to that - chick with the floopy earrings.
- (sigh) I'll ask her if she likes Parakeets.
What? Why? - You don't.
- Exactly! Oh my god, just go over there and tell her you think she's hot.
I'll tell her I like her shoes if if you go get Cosmo Lady's number.
She left.
Yeah, she can't be far! Good luck.
Go get 'em! - I'll see you at home.
- Alright.
(music playing) Voice yells: "Hey Eileen!" (music changes: Mechele Peters) (laughter) You're done with work already? Yeah and aren't you a sight for sore eyes? Oh well - Good to see you.
- Good to see you.
(sigh) Hendricks and soda? And two more of these for Sara.
So you know, it's okay.
I know you don't like me.
- I like you.
- Like I like you.
I know.
I know you got that whole thing going on with Carolyn but we can be friends right? - Yeah.
- I mean, I just flow it around.
Go with the flow Be fine.
- It'll be good right? - Yeah.
You know.
Damn.
I gotta say you are the cat's fucking kite string for me.
You are! You're just And sometimes I just want to wrap my hands around you and just float like a little lime green painted buoy out in the lake! I mean but you just don't like that shade of green.
It's cool.
It's cool.
That is really sweet.
Yeah.
You know.
To being Fun Friends.
- Fun Friends! - (clink)
I am coming.
- Hey.
Hey Eileen, what's up? Not too much.
Hey Sara.
Hi, how's it going? So, um, we're going out for a drink.
But I wanted to stop by because Carolyn's out of town, and she sent Sara this text.
- And? - So, I said "Hey I miss you.
The house misses you.
" And then she said "I have cramps and I'll talk to you on Tuesday".
And I think we should uh drink! Well you always want to drink.
- So I said - What do you wanna do? I want to go home and eat a pint of ice cream and wake up on Tuesday.
Oh no no no! Honey are you kidding me? You're way too much woman for that! - I mean, look at you.
- (Abby giggles) You ain't got nothing to worry about.
You just play it cool.
- Play it cool.
- Play it cool.
See? I say, you go out, you're going to the bar right? Have a few drinks.
You know, flirt You know, you know how to flirt? - Not really - She used to.
Well, get the ball, send her a text message and just say "So I'll see you Tuesday".
- See? There you go.
- Leave it at that! - "See you on Tuesday?" - Yeah.
No - don't even react.
Don't respond you know? - Yeah.
Chill.
Unaffected.
So come meet up, we're going to The Closet.
- So I'm off in an hour and I'll meet you then.
- Yeah.
- It's great.
- Alright.
I'll uh I'm there for you.
And I'm gonna help you on this one alright? Alright.
We got her right? - Oh yeah yeah.
- I got you.
I'll see you guys in bit.
- Yep Eileen's got ya - I got ya.
- Alright you got me - Alright! Bye Sara! Abby voiceover: I want Sara to be happy.
But I don't like how Carolyn's treating her.
They should be in the Honeymoon Phase.
Instead they jumped right to the Push-Pull Withholding Phase.
I hope she breaks up with her.
(music plays by Ripley Caine) What's the drink special? Do NOT leave me here.
- Do not leave me here, Abby.
- What? Okay, - I'm not leaving! - Hey Bobbie.
- Hey.
- What are your specials tonight? Uh we got $3 dollar Miller Lite bottles.
Is Miller Lite better than Bud Light? I don't drink beer but, a lot of people been buying them.
Hey Bobbie.
Who is um, Cosmo over there? I don't divulge.
You're going to have to figure that one out all by yourself.
Come on.
That's very unhelpful.
You still giving massages, Bobbie? I could use something.
I think I cracked my rib.
You know what they say about fixing a cracked rib? - What? - Can't do shit about it.
(laughter) No man look, I don't do massage anymore.
I'm in law school.
- No shit? - Shit.
- Is it hard? - Yeah.
It sucks.
Every time I go to class I just feel sick.
What do you go for? To law school? - Yeah.
- It's law.
So lawyering? I don't know the verb but - That's probably what - (laughter) - Yep - To lawyer? Yeah.
Okay.
Um, Bobbie? Can we take one Miller Lite and one Bud Lite please? Yes Ma'am.
We're going to have a Taste Test! Hmm yay.
(laughs) - With Miller Lite and Bud Lite? - Yes.
Classy.
Alright.
Mix them up! Okay.
- Don't choke.
- Ugh.
Is it good with the gum? Yeah.
Really adds a little something.
Yeah I gotta get rid of that.
Okay, here we go.
Oops, thank you.
- It's like comparing sandpaper.
- Abby: But with your tongue.
(laughter) So, which one? Umm, I think I need to try them again.
No no no.
Oh okay this one! There you go.
See it's always the last one.
Yeah, it's what left in her mouth! Sara: Ha ha Abby: Love the one you're with! - Bobbie: Cheers! - Cheers.
(background music: Daphne Willis) Oh yeah to that.
Can I get a shot of Jamo? I thought you were trying to save money? I have like, uh, 2 grand already.
- Dollars? - Yep.
Wow, I've never had that much ever in my whole life.
Well, Carolyn owns the condo.
You pay her what, like $400 a month? You could save a lot.
But I moved in for love.
Well, we're here in case that don't work out.
Let's just say you had to ask someone home tonight.
Like your life depended on it.
What would you say? I'd say, "Do you like the smell of crayons?" You would not.
I work with 2nd-graders all day.
If she doesn't like the smell of that then No.
It's like, your life depends on it! Like, your life would be over unless you get her to come home with you! Wel, what do you say? That's what I need to know.
No, you need to be able to pull it off.
She has to believe you.
And, you can't use my words.
I say something different every time.
It's like a case by case thing.
Well, give me an example.
Well like the other weekend I said uh (No talking.
Flashback music by ShutEye) Yeah.
But what did you SAY? I said: "You are absolutely beautiful.
" And it's driving me crazy being this close to you "without touching you.
" But you did something crazy with your eyes.
Whatever.
Just go over there and talk to that - chick with the floopy earrings.
- (sigh) I'll ask her if she likes Parakeets.
What? Why? - You don't.
- Exactly! Oh my god, just go over there and tell her you think she's hot.
I'll tell her I like her shoes if if you go get Cosmo Lady's number.
She left.
Yeah, she can't be far! Good luck.
Go get 'em! - I'll see you at home.
- Alright.
(music playing) Voice yells: "Hey Eileen!" (music changes: Mechele Peters) (laughter) You're done with work already? Yeah and aren't you a sight for sore eyes? Oh well - Good to see you.
- Good to see you.
(sigh) Hendricks and soda? And two more of these for Sara.
So you know, it's okay.
I know you don't like me.
- I like you.
- Like I like you.
I know.
I know you got that whole thing going on with Carolyn but we can be friends right? - Yeah.
- I mean, I just flow it around.
Go with the flow Be fine.
- It'll be good right? - Yeah.
You know.
Damn.
I gotta say you are the cat's fucking kite string for me.
You are! You're just And sometimes I just want to wrap my hands around you and just float like a little lime green painted buoy out in the lake! I mean but you just don't like that shade of green.
It's cool.
It's cool.
That is really sweet.
Yeah.
You know.
To being Fun Friends.
- Fun Friends! - (clink)