Fosse/Verdon (2019) s01e08 Episode Script
Providence
1 30 minutes a day of exercise.
Can't smoke.
Can't eat anything that tastes good.
I'm supposed to only work regular hours.
Regular hours? What's what's that? Ah, who the hell knows? I feel like shit.
Come on, I'm done.
Let's sit.
Come on, let me help you.
- Take it easy.
Take it easy.
- All right, all right, all right.
Just take it slow it down.
[GROANS.]
[EXHALES HEAVILY.]
[SIGHS.]
You know, it's pretty lousy of you.
I have a heart attack, and then you upstage me by having your own heart attack.
[CHUCKLES.]
How's the movie? When do you start shooting? A month.
Yeah? How's your script? I think I need a new writer.
I just, uh get something new going.
New writer a month before production.
Well, you said it yourself the first time you read it.
It's it's unsatisfying.
It doesn't build to anything.
That's 'cause your ending is shit.
- I already told you that.
- The ending ending, I like.
- Bobby.
- I like the ending.
The problem with your movie, Bob, is very simple.
Your character doesn't change.
Your hero doesn't change.
Lenny didn't change.
Charity didn't change.
Exactly, none of your characters ever change, which is why your endings are always shit.
- I say this as a friend.
- I disagree.
Bobby, it's storytelling 101.
Your hero has to change.
He's got to he's got to transform over the course of the picture.
It's called catharsis.
How about it's called bullshit? I want to do something real here, not some bullshit fairy tale.
Who says fairy tale? I'll tell you your story.
You wanna know your story? - Yeah, tell me my story.
- All right.
I'll tell you your story.
Your story is Bobby meets a young dancer.
The character's name is Joe.
- Joe.
Joe Gideon.
- Oh, Joe.
Yeah.
That's really gonna throw them off the scent there, Bob.
Yeah, no one's ever gonna guess that the hero at the center of your story who can't stop popping pills and fucking broads is supposed to be you because his name is Joe.
All right, just tell me the story.
Act one.
Joe meets a beautiful young dancer whom we will call I don't know Annie.
Now act one, Joe falls in love with Annie.
But he's still all mixed up with his ex-wife, whom we'll call Gwen for no reason at all.
Now, act two, Joe ruins everything with Annie because he's too selfish and he can't stop screwing around.
All of the stress, all of the guilt gives him a heart attack.
He ends up in the hospital.
Yeah? Now, faced with the prospect of his own death in act three, he suddenly realizes that it was Gwen all along.
She was the one for him from the start because she was the only woman who was ever his true equal as a creator, as an artist.
And he knows that he squandered everything with her.
He knows he shot it all to hell.
But now he's ready to change.
He's ready to give up the broads, yeah? He's ready to to get his act together and and spend the rest of his life with his soul mate, with his collaborator, with the mother of his child if he can just get out of this goddamn hospital bed.
But it's too late.
He doesn't make it.
He dies.
Roll credits.
See? Transformation and tragedy.
It's moving.
That's your story.
He already knows all that.
He knows should've been with her.
Oh.
It doesn't matter what he knows.
Knowing doesn't change anything.
- Oh.
- It's still just a bunch of bullshit.
It may be a nice story, but it's not true.
Hey, I didn't say it was true, Bob.
I said it was a satisfying ending.
You want true, go to a priest, not a playwright.
[SIGHS.]
["THERE'LL BE SOME CHANGES MADE" PLAYING.]
Testing one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
June 3rd.
Interview with Gwen Verdon for "All That Jazz.
" Do you think you were angry with me in some sense? For what? For not taking care of myself, for putting myself in this sort of situation with my health.
No, I was worried.
I was terrified.
Do you remember the mood in the rehearsal room when, uh, everyone heard I was in the hospital? Um, people were stunned.
They uh, sadness.
I heard Chita was crying, hysterical.
Who'd you hear that from? Well, Chita.
Nicole told me that you'd quit.
- I did.
- So what happened? Uh, Annie left.
Hmm.
She moved out a month ago.
Nicole told you? No, Annie told me.
When did you talk to her? At rehearsal.
We've been working on the part.
Is that strange, uh, having Annie replace you? It's pretty familiar, I'd say.
She's in love.
Yes, I know.
I'm happy for her.
He's gay, the the guy she's dating, Charles.
Well, apparently he isn't, so Well, he and Annie are the only two people in the world who don't realize it.
When I got out of the hospital, did I seem different to you in any way? Different how? Well, people say that I changed, that I was, uh, meaner, I was harsh with people, with you in particular.
You think that's true? Do you think that you changed? Well, I'm interviewing you.
I don't think you changed at all.
I think you became more yourself.
You stopped pretending to be anything else.
Did you hate me? At times, yes.
Do you still? No.
[INHALES SHARPLY.]
How do you feel? To tell you the God's honest truth, I don't feel much of anything about you anymore, Bob.
Well, I'm just - I appreciate your honesty.
- [DOOR CLICKS OPEN.]
- I was that's - [TAPE PLAYER CLICKS.]
Hey.
[DOOR CLICKS SHUT.]
You're home before curfew.
Should should I be worried about you? I can stay out if you want.
That's all right.
I got a job for you.
- Take off your shoes.
- Are you serious? Yeah, I want you to help me with a scene.
You want to keep living here, you got to earn your keep.
No such thing as free rent.
Child labor is illegal, you know.
- Oh, is that right? - Yeah.
Well, you can always move back in with your mom.
[SMOOTH MUSIC PLAYING.]
That's not even funny.
Hey.
- Give me that.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah, listen.
- Stand next to me.
- [GIGGLES.]
Can you see your reflection in the in the glass? - Barely.
- Perfect.
I have this idea.
Do what I do but, uh, the ballet version.
I don't get it.
Shh.
Just watch.
[JERRY JEFF WALKER'S "MR.
BOJANGLES" PLAYING.]
I knew a man Bojangles and he danced for you - In worn-out shoes - What am I supposed to do? Port de bras.
Silver hair, a ragged shirt And baggy pants The old soft shoe He jumped so high He jumped so high Then he'd lightly touch down Ooh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Mr.
Bojangles Mr.
Bojangles Mr.
Bojangles Dance I met him in a cell in New Orleans, I was Okay, kid.
Down and out Arch your back.
He looked to me to be the eyes of age Do you know who Bill "Bojangles" Robinson was? Nope.
Oh, he was huge.
He was a big tapper in vaudeville.
They put him in the movies with Shirley Temple.
Sit down.
Jump up.
Oh, you're getting heavy.
Bend your leg.
[SIGHS.]
Yeah, he went out of style.
Died without a cent.
Couldn't even pay for his own funeral.
Do you really not know who he is? Do a head roll.
Whoa, he jumped up high Straighten your leg.
He clicked his heels Oh, you're getting pretty good.
[SCOFFS.]
Not really.
Yeah.
Put your leg into an arabesque.
[SIGHS.]
Oh, okay.
Gwen, hi.
Yeah, Nicole can't wait to move back in with you.
Yeah, she can't wait to have an early curfew - and not be able to go anywhere.
- Fine.
Mr.
Bojangles Follow my hand.
Mr.
Bojangles Hey, you know, we're casting the movie next week.
Mr.
Bojangles Isn't Richard Dreyfuss playing you? Nah, he got nervous about the dancing.
He dropped out.
We need somebody more handsome, taller.
You know, lots of hair.
Uh, maybe Tom Selleck.
I thought it was supposed to be realistic.
- Hey, wise guy.
- [CHUCKLES.]
You ever worry about telling your life story to the whole world? It's not my life story.
Yes, it is.
There are there are differences.
Like what? Well, he's, uh he's, uh doesn't make it out of the hospital.
He he dies.
That's a big difference.
Who's gonna play me? [SIGHS.]
Who do you want? I don't know.
What about you? You want to play it? Really? Would that be fun for you to play yourself in a movie? It might be sort of weird.
I don't know.
Maybe fun.
I'll put in a word with the director.
I'm going to sleep.
Your eyes are looking a little bloodshot there.
It's allergies.
Yeah, I get the same thing.
It must be hereditary.
Mr.
Bojangles Next time, use Visine.
Mr.
Bojangles I hear it helps.
Dance [DOOR SLAMS.]
And what about that the play that you sent me? - The, um - "Gamma Rays"? - Thank you.
- [CLEARS THROAT.]
I can never remember that title.
Who can? I read it.
I ask you to submit me for it.
- Well, I did submit you.
- I know you did.
I know you did.
But imagine me walking down the street, seeing the poster.
Who is it? Shelley.
The playwright had already offered her the role.
They didn't end up auditioning for the part at all.
- Mm.
- So Oh.
That's Do you think "Chicago" will tour? I don't know.
They haven't decided yet.
Because the royalties, that would be a very healthy revenue stream for you.
Mm.
Yes.
Royalties would be wonderful, but I I'm an actress, Mel.
I need to act.
I hate it more than anyone but, uh, LA is where the work is right now.
I grew up in Los Angeles, and that was plenty for me.
You could be booking a different guest spot every week.
Oh, as what, the dying grandmother or some old the lady who gets her purse snatched? I just I can't Mel, book me on the bar mitzvah circuit.
At least I'd have a mic in my hands and - [CHUCKLES.]
- Stretch my legs a little.
I'll make some calls.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[DOOR CLATTERS OPEN.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Annie, we're ready for you.
Great.
[INHALES DEEPLY.]
Hey.
You can go out with any girl in town.
That's right.
I go out with any girl in town, but I stay in with you.
Joe, it's not fair.
Shit.
I'm spilling everything, the coffee.
It's just it's all wrong.
Hold there, please.
That's good, Annie.
That's very good.
Um, I'd like to give you an adjustment.
The character in the film, Katie, she she really wants to let him have it.
You you understand? She doesn't need to be polite.
Just don't hold back.
You know? Take it from the same place.
Give her the line.
Who's Michael Graham? He's a dancer in my ballet class.
Straight or gay? [SCOFFS.]
What do you mean? You you you know what it means.
That's not a real question.
Do it again.
Same place.
Who is Michael Graham? He's a dancer in my ballet class.
Straight or gay? - What do you mean? - Uh, you know what? Let me just give me give me the thing, and I'm gonna do it.
You is it Go ahead.
Get up.
[SIGHS.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[SIGHS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
[SNIFFS, GROANS.]
[SIGHS.]
[BOTTLE CAP POPS.]
[LAUGHS.]
So I don't want to go out with Michael Graham.
I don't want to date.
Do it again.
Do it again.
Ah, Joe, I don't want to go out with Michael Graham.
I don't want to date.
Same place.
Go again.
Go again.
I don't want to go out with Michael Graham.
I-I-I don't want to date.
No, it's getting worse.
Same place.
I don't want to go out with Michael Graham.
No.
Go again.
Same place.
I don't want to go out with Michael Graham.
- I don't want to date.
- No.
Go again.
I don't want to go out with Michael Graham.
- I don't want to date.
- Goddamn it, Annie.
What are you doing? I don't want to go out with Michael Graham.
- I don't want to date.
- What is that? I don't want to go out with Michael Graham.
What are you doing? I asked you a question.
What are you doing? Why can't you do this scene like it means something to you? Because this isn't a scene.
Because this is my life.
These are my words.
You took our life and you put it into a fucking scene in a movie.
That's why.
Same place.
I don't want to go out with Michael Graham.
I don't want to date.
I have no more small talk left in me.
I don't want to fool around.
I don't want to play games.
I just want to love you.
[CLAPS.]
Well, that was it.
That was that's what we've been looking for.
That was terrific.
That was wonderful.
Congratulations, Annie, you got the part.
[SCOFFS.]
[FEET STAMPING.]
Say, a, uh, Mrs.
Willis just called you.
Teddy's principal? Yeah, she wants to speak to you tonight - if you're gonna be home.
- [DOOR CLICKS OPEN.]
I'm telling you, I can teach anybody.
I've got no rhythm.
I never have.
Oh, I-I think you do.
You're home pretty late.
What are you doing still up? You been drinking? Yeah, just a little.
That's gonna leave a mark.
You you got to use a coaster.
I took one of your Dexies.
Oh, well, you're gonna have a hell of a time trying to fall asleep, kid.
Well, do you have a pill that'll help me sleep? You're not getting one.
- Maybe I should go.
- No, you you just got here.
Bridget's an actress.
I'm casting her in the movie.
I'm not sure which part yet, but, uh, we're gonna find something.
- Yeah.
- This is Nicole.
Hi, how do you do? Uh, I think we should all go to bed.
You're just gonna leave me here? Hey, you want to act like a grown-up? I'm gonna treat you like a grown-up.
[SIGHS.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[CRIES.]
[SNIFFLES.]
[GLASSES CLINK.]
What if we left New York? For the weekend? Every year, you say the same thing.
It's the last week of August.
We're out at the beach.
We're a million miles away from the nearest Broadway theater.
We're happy.
And you say, "What if we just stay?" "Get a little house by the water.
" And then every year on the Monday after Labor Day weekend, we pack up the car, we drive back to New York City, and then we forget all about it.
[INHALES DEEPLY.]
Well, because you have a career.
I haven't worked since "Chicago" closed.
That'll change.
But what if it doesn't? What's keeping us here? I We could go anywhere.
We could get a little house in the country.
We could get a dog.
Just have a normal life.
Okay.
[SIGHS.]
What? Okay? Let's do it.
Why not? [CHUCKLES.]
- Okay! [LAUGHS.]
- Okay.
- Okay! - Okay.
[SIGHS.]
Come here.
[CLAPPING.]
Okay, quiet for rehearsal.
- That's terrific.
- That's good.
That's great.
Uh, why don't we start in this direction? Yeah? All right.
All right, stand over here a second.
Be careful now.
Is that comfortable? Yeah, it's fine with me.
Yeah? That's terrific.
All right, let's keep going.
All right, let me see an arabesque.
There it is.
Beautiful.
How are things at home? Pretty good.
- Arch your back.
- Really nice.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Anything you want to tell me? Sweetie, are you okay? - I'm fine.
- Okay.
Shh.
They're rehearsing.
Please.
There it is.
Oh, God.
You're getting heavy.
Very nice.
Bend your knee.
So what were you wondering? Why don't you get married again? Do a head roll.
Yeah.
I don't get married because I can't find anyone I dislike enough to inflict that kind of torture on.
- [LAUGHS.]
- [SIGHS.]
Can I move back in with you? Of course.
That's great.
Let's, uh let's gather everyone.
Cut on rehearsal.
Let's throw down some marks.
Hey, that's great.
Here's all of her stuff.
Well, thank you.
She's okay, right? Oh, she's she's fine.
I'm sure she'll be sick of me in a week.
- I think she's smoking.
- Oh.
She thinks that if she opens up a window, I won't be able to tell.
Hmm.
I mean, I don't know what happened.
Last year, she had such a nice group of friends.
But these New York City private school kids, they just have too much time on their hands.
Yeah, we should send her to a public school.
So Ron and I have been talking about getting a house outside of the city.
For for the summer? Uh, no, for the whole for for year-round.
Uh, oh.
I think it would be good for Nicole.
- Sure.
- Send her to school with children whose parents aren't all actors and stockbrokers.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh, of course, I'd still be auditioning, looking for the right thing, and making appearances.
I just I think it'd be a good change for all of us.
I want you to do Roxie.
Bobby and Joe started booking the tour.
I was gonna wait and ask when it was all official, but, uh uh It'll be a big draw.
And Gwen Verdon over the title.
Probably sell out the whole thing, you know? It's your show.
It's it's always been your show.
[SIGHS.]
Where's Nicole? Out with friends.
Mm.
Which ones? Oh, boy, I don't even ask.
It just leads to an argument.
As long as she's back by 12:00.
What happened to 11:00? 12:00 was our compromise.
Mm.
I got the rest of her things from Bob.
And he must be thrilled to finally have her out of his hair.
And and he told me that, uh, "Chicago" is going out on a tour.
Oh, that's good.
And he offered me Roxie.
[LAUGHS.]
[LAUGHS.]
[SNORTS.]
Right.
'Cause you had such a great experience the first time.
I said yes.
What? It's just for six months while it gets up on its feet.
Gwen, you were miserable doing that show.
It was the worst time of your life.
Yes, but that's because it was brand-new.
I mean, now I know what it is.
There's no more cutting the numbers or this line's her line, this line's her line.
What about our plan? - About what? - What about leaving the city? What, I-I-I don't I don't think I realized that's a plan.
What did you think it was? We we were just talking.
It's an idea.
What? We can still go.
We just have to wait six months.
No.
No, because Because then it's gonna be, "Oh, you know what? He really needs me to do nine months.
" And then it's, "Oh, now it's a year.
But he asked so nicely that I agreed to do 18 months.
" [SIGHS.]
What's that supposed to mean? That you can't say no to him.
I don't want to say no to this.
I want to work.
I don't even know why you're getting to upset about this.
That was my idea to leave the city.
Gwen, I don't care about leaving the city.
I just want to be done with him.
I'm so sick of being in a three-way relationship.
I'm tired of being the consolation prize to Bob Fosse.
[SIGHS.]
If you go on this tour, I won't be here when you come back.
Don't be absurd.
I mean it, Gwen.
["BYE BYE LIFE" PLAYING.]
Unh, give it to me [RHYTHMIC CLAPPING.]
Action.
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
- Bye-bye, life We did it, Joey.
Bye-bye, happiness Hello, hello Doc, you're the greatest.
I think he's gonna die It's a showstopper.
It's gonna run forever.
I'll miss you most of all, kiddo.
So long, happiness At least I won't have to lie to you anymore.
- Oh, I - I think he's gonna die Thank you.
And cut! Reset from the top.
Wow, that's terrific.
Do another one just like that.
Okay.
That that really looked, uh that that looked like it was pretty exhilarating.
Oh, it really is.
- Yeah.
- I bet.
I bet.
You should try it.
- Me? No, no, no.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You should try it.
No, we we don't have time.
We got to roll.
You would love it.
We have time.
- No, no, no, no.
- Hey, hey.
It's your life It's your show.
We have time.
It's our life.
You're playing We have time.
You guys want to see Bob do it? [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Bobby, they love it.
Come on, Bobby.
Come on! Come on! It's your life.
It's your audience.
Bye-bye, love Bye-bye, sweet caress Hello, emptiness, I feel like I could die Bye-bye, your life, good-bye Bye-bye, my life, good-bye Bye-bye, my life Byebye, your life ALL: Good-bye Two, three, four, five, six - [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
- Yes! Come on! Yeah, come on! [LAUGHS.]
It's your audience.
Unh, unh, unh, unh BOTH: Bye-bye, life Bye-bye, happiness Hello, loneliness I think I'm gonna die I think he's gonna die ALL: I think he's gonna die I think I'm gonna Die There goes his baby With someone new [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
She sure looks happy - I sure am blue - He sure is blue - I sure am blue - He sure is blue - I sure am blue - He sure is blue - I sure am blue - He sure is blue I sure am blue I think I'm gonna, I think I'm gonna I think I'm gonna, I think I'm gonna Bye-bye, life - I think I'm gonna - Bye-bye, happiness - I think I'm gonna die - Hello, loneliness I think he's gonna I think I'm gonna - I think I'm gonna - Die Die A-one, two, three, four I'm through with romance I'm through with love Oh, yeah I'm through with counting the stars above Forget the stars And here's the reason that he's so free His loving baby She's through with me - [YELPS, LAUGHS.]
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
[CHUCKLING.]
You're crazy.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
- Bye - [BELL RINGS.]
Back to one! We're gonna do the real thing this time.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- [APPLAUSE.]
- Oh! [CHUCKLES.]
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for this.
Oh, thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Sit sit sit down.
Sit sit down.
Well, I am delighted to be here with you all this evening and to be honored for the work I have been so passionate about for all of these years.
It is vital we continue to provide psychiatric care to the most vulnerable, and at the Staten Island Postgraduate Center for Mental Health, that's just what you've been doing for the last 33 years.
Give yourselves yes! Give yourselves a hand! - [CHUCKLES.]
- [APPLAUSE.]
But tonight is not just about celebrating our accomplishments.
It's also about getting you marvelous people to open up your checkbooks.
[LAUGHTER.]
I know.
I know.
I know it can be impolite to talk about these kinds of things.
But when it comes to raising money for a good cause, I'll tell you my secret.
["A LITTLE BRAINS, A LITTLE TALENT" PLAYING.]
You've got to know just what to say And how to say it You've got to know what game to play And how to play it You got to stack the deck With a couple of extra aces And this queen has her aces In all the right places I've done much more [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[KNIFE CHOPPING.]
[SLURPS.]
Oh! Oh! Oh, my goodness.
[APPLAUSE.]
[SIGHS.]
Thank you! - [TOILET FLUSHES.]
- [SIGHS.]
That was nice.
Yeah.
You hungry? I have class tonight, remember? Oh, skip it.
We're doing our scene.
Oh.
You need me to call the teacher for you? Write you a note? I'll be home late.
We're all getting drinks after.
I'm not invited? [CHUCKLES.]
It's just the class.
No, I understand.
Is that kid I met um, what's it going with you? What's his face? Eddie? Yeah.
Is Eddie going? I don't know.
[KEYS JINGLE.]
- Good-looking kid.
- Let's not do this, please.
No, I think he's a nice kid and he's got a bright future.
[CHUCKLES.]
Maybe you should go home with him after.
You're such an asshole.
He might be a really great lay.
- Good night.
- I don't I'm being serious.
- [PHONE RINGING.]
- I'm late! Where you going? I'm late.
Hello.
What's wrong? What? Neil? What is it? [SOMBER ORGAN MUSIC.]
Uh as most of you know, uh, Paddy and I were friends.
I, uh [SIGHS.]
Hope this doesn't offend anyone.
[SOLEMN MUSIC.]
[SHOE THUDDING.]
[HEELS CLICK.]
Can't imagine a life without you, Paddy.
[SMOOCHES.]
- I talked to Nicole last week.
- Oh, that's nice.
Yeah, she's I don't think she's speaking to me right now.
Hard to keep track.
How is she? Oh, you know.
Same.
I heard that she went down for work uh, to work.
- Oh, yeah.
I talked to Jerry.
- She's, uh she just wasn't right for the part.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Darn.
Hey, I was flipping the channels, saw Ron on a police show.
Yeah, it was a big car chase.
I saw it too.
He had a couple of lines.
I was happy for him.
Yeah.
[EXHALES.]
He and his wife, Sue, they had another baby.
- Oh.
- Little boy.
Spitting image of the father.
Very strong jawline for a little fella to carry off.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Talked to, uh, your old buddy, uh, Joe last week.
Oh.
Well, how is he? He wants to do a revival of "Charity.
" You're kidding.
He wants to maybe start out of town, bring it in next season and the season after.
Golly.
Well, I think that's wonderful.
Oh, yeah, I just have to find another director.
I-I got too much on my plate.
Hmm.
You trust somebody else with it? I mean, if you were there to supervise.
Joe wants to use all the original steps.
Nobody knows them better than you.
Oh, I-I don't I don't know.
I'm I'm busy.
Yeah, but you don't have to be there for the first few weeks of rehearsal or early early previews.
I don't know.
I can think of ten people off the top of my head who would be just as good if not better than I would at that.
Well, it's not just any show.
That's our baby.
That's that's "Charity.
" Well, if you like it so much, why don't you just do it yourself? [CHUCKLES.]
I'm not directing a revival.
I'm not that old.
Yes, you are.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
[COUGHS.]
You start directing revivals of your own shows, you you might as well announce to the world that "My career's finished.
" Don't count me out yet.
I still got plenty to do.
[TAPE PLAYER CLICKS.]
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
These are just random notes on this project called "The Ladies' Man" or "Second-Hand Ladies' Man" or "Used Ladies' Man" or [SLURPS.]
That's probably a better title.
[MATCH STRIKES.]
Question the Ladies' Man's Ladies' Man Ladies' Man keeps asking himself.
And of course he does it with humor.
[SLURPS.]
As with all humor, there's a certain truth behind it.
He asks himself, would you trade a lady who really cared about you, knew how much sugar and cream you took in your coffee, knew exactly when your birthday was, rubbed Vicks on your chest when you had a cold, babied you when you were losing, celebrated you when you were winning, dealt with all your infantile emotions if you had such a a lady, would you trade her for a strange piece of ass? Just a girl who came along, a one-night stand that you may never see again.
Would you trade that for that? One for the other? [PHONE RINGING.]
His answer was Yes, I would.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
It's autobiographical again.
[GROANS.]
Shit.
Bobby? - Yeah? - It's for you.
Honey, I'm working.
This is I'm working.
That's your last cigarillo for the day.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- [PHONE RECEIVER CLATTERS.]
Hello.
Who is it? Hi hi, it's me.
Oh.
How's it going? [SIGHS.]
It's not working.
What's not working? The the whole thing.
It's it's just one big joke.
It's a it's a Saturday morning cartoon.
There's no edge to it, no heart.
Well, that's what you're there for, Gwen.
You're there to supervise.
The choreography is fine.
It's everything else.
It's the [SIGHS.]
It's it's fine.
It's fine.
It's fine.
It'll be fine.
I'm just gonna keep working with him.
I just don't want for you to have unrealistic expectations.
It's not unrealistic to to expect it to be great.
That's what we always expect, Gwen.
Y yes, well, I know that, but[SIGHS.]
All right, look, if we were in New York right now, I would tell you to get in a cab and come down and just put your eyes on it for two minutes.
But that's not an option, so [SIGHS.]
What time do you what time do you start rehearsal tomorrow? ["BIG SPENDER" PLAYING ON PIANO.]
ALL: Hey, big spender Hey, big spender Hey, big spender Spend a little time with Me Fun, laughs, good time Fun, laughs, good time Fun, laughs, good time How's about it, palsy? ALL: Yeah! - What am I supposed to do? - I don't know.
Give a half hour's worth of notes and hope for the best? I've been giving notes in there for a month.
Sad thing is, you know, the cast, I mean, it's they're they're they're they're decent.
- They're good, aren't they? - Debbie's terrific.
She's a talented girl.
Yes, I know.
Everything else up there, though I know.
I know.
I mean, if you could just work with her, then - Yeah.
- [SIGHS.]
Well, that poor director.
I mean, he is trying his best.
But he just isn't you.
[SIGHS.]
I don't know what to say.
I mean, you would have to start completely from scratch.
You'd have to get in there with me, though.
The ch the character work.
Yeah, well, yeah, of of course.
Last time we worked together It went so well.
[CHUCKLES.]
[COUGHING.]
[SOFT MUSIC.]
Yeah.
What do you think? ["IF MY FRIENDS COULD SEE ME NOW" PLAYING.]
If they could see me now Alone with Mr.
V Who's waiting on me like he was a maître d' I'd hear my buddies saying "Crazy, what gives?" Tonight she's living like the other half lives To think the highest brow Which I must say is he Should pick the lowest brow Which there's no doubt is me What a step up Holy cow, they'd never believe it - If my friends could see me - [CLAPPING.]
All right, let's hold there.
Uh, what are you doing? [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
Dancing.
[LAUGHTER.]
That's not dancing.
Well, they're your steps.
Exactly.
What are you saying with those steps? What's the story? [SIGHS.]
Gwen, show her the steps.
But, oh Bob.
What, you don't you don't remember them? Well, no, I - I remember, but it's - Go ahead.
Oh, stop.
It's all yours.
[CHUCKLES.]
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
This is very silly.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Take it back from the same place.
[SIGHS.]
[CLEARS THROAT SOFTLY.]
[SIGHS.]
And If they could see me now Alone with Mr.
V Who's waiting on me like he was a maître d' I'd hear my buddies saying "Crazy, what gives?" Tonight she's living like the other half lives To think the highest brow Which I must say is he Should pick the lowest brow Which there's no doubt is me What a step up Holy cow, they'd never believe it If my friends could see me [PIANO STOPS PLAYING.]
Now.
[PIANO PLAYING.]
[SMOOTH JAZZ PLAYS.]
[MUSIC STOPS.]
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
You're a little early.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
It isn't time yet.
I told you the curtain is at 7:00.
God, you look magnificent.
Let's go.
It's time.
[CHUCKLES.]
- Okay.
- The theater is thataway.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Ah, we've got to look at the spacing for "Frug" in Boston.
I haven't seen the dimensions yet.
- Have you? - It's tight.
That's that's what they say.
I think it's very tight.
What did Danny say about those ticket sales? Well, he said that we're sold out for the rest of Washington.
He thinks that by the time we start advertising in Boston, - we're going to be in a Bob? - Uh, something's wrong.
Bob! Oh, oh, God! Oh Okay, okay.
It's okay.
Something's wrong.
Yup.
That's okay.
That's okay.
You're just you're having a seizure, okay? It's okay.
Somebody call an ambulance! Please! He's an epileptic! We just need to get you your Dilantin.
That's all.
That's all.
All right.
All right.
So they'll hold the curtain as long as they need to.
Nobody's starting anything without you.
Don't want you worrying about that right now.
And we'll j we'll get there when we get there.
[RAGGED BREATHING.]
Okay? There we go.
Okay, I'm here.
I'm here.
Yup, yup.
There I am.
Yup, give me your there you go.
There you go.
Give me that hand.
There we go.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[EXHALES.]
Bobby? Okay? [GROANS.]
I'm right here, Bobby.
Okay? I'm right here.
[CRIES SOFTLY.]
[CRIES.]
[SCATTING.]
[BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY.]
When do I find out if I got this part or not? You already got this part.
You had the part before you walked in here.
Well, why didn't you just say so when I came in here? You didn't ask.
[MATCHES RATTLING.]
[PANTING.]
[SIGHS.]
So what next? I don't know.
I-I'm very nervous for some reason.
Yeah.
So am I.
I'm here, Bobby.
I'm here.
[CRIES.]
Here.
Bobby.
[SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[ENGINE TURNS OVER.]
[SMOOTH JAZZ MUSIC.]
Can't smoke.
Can't eat anything that tastes good.
I'm supposed to only work regular hours.
Regular hours? What's what's that? Ah, who the hell knows? I feel like shit.
Come on, I'm done.
Let's sit.
Come on, let me help you.
- Take it easy.
Take it easy.
- All right, all right, all right.
Just take it slow it down.
[GROANS.]
[EXHALES HEAVILY.]
[SIGHS.]
You know, it's pretty lousy of you.
I have a heart attack, and then you upstage me by having your own heart attack.
[CHUCKLES.]
How's the movie? When do you start shooting? A month.
Yeah? How's your script? I think I need a new writer.
I just, uh get something new going.
New writer a month before production.
Well, you said it yourself the first time you read it.
It's it's unsatisfying.
It doesn't build to anything.
That's 'cause your ending is shit.
- I already told you that.
- The ending ending, I like.
- Bobby.
- I like the ending.
The problem with your movie, Bob, is very simple.
Your character doesn't change.
Your hero doesn't change.
Lenny didn't change.
Charity didn't change.
Exactly, none of your characters ever change, which is why your endings are always shit.
- I say this as a friend.
- I disagree.
Bobby, it's storytelling 101.
Your hero has to change.
He's got to he's got to transform over the course of the picture.
It's called catharsis.
How about it's called bullshit? I want to do something real here, not some bullshit fairy tale.
Who says fairy tale? I'll tell you your story.
You wanna know your story? - Yeah, tell me my story.
- All right.
I'll tell you your story.
Your story is Bobby meets a young dancer.
The character's name is Joe.
- Joe.
Joe Gideon.
- Oh, Joe.
Yeah.
That's really gonna throw them off the scent there, Bob.
Yeah, no one's ever gonna guess that the hero at the center of your story who can't stop popping pills and fucking broads is supposed to be you because his name is Joe.
All right, just tell me the story.
Act one.
Joe meets a beautiful young dancer whom we will call I don't know Annie.
Now act one, Joe falls in love with Annie.
But he's still all mixed up with his ex-wife, whom we'll call Gwen for no reason at all.
Now, act two, Joe ruins everything with Annie because he's too selfish and he can't stop screwing around.
All of the stress, all of the guilt gives him a heart attack.
He ends up in the hospital.
Yeah? Now, faced with the prospect of his own death in act three, he suddenly realizes that it was Gwen all along.
She was the one for him from the start because she was the only woman who was ever his true equal as a creator, as an artist.
And he knows that he squandered everything with her.
He knows he shot it all to hell.
But now he's ready to change.
He's ready to give up the broads, yeah? He's ready to to get his act together and and spend the rest of his life with his soul mate, with his collaborator, with the mother of his child if he can just get out of this goddamn hospital bed.
But it's too late.
He doesn't make it.
He dies.
Roll credits.
See? Transformation and tragedy.
It's moving.
That's your story.
He already knows all that.
He knows should've been with her.
Oh.
It doesn't matter what he knows.
Knowing doesn't change anything.
- Oh.
- It's still just a bunch of bullshit.
It may be a nice story, but it's not true.
Hey, I didn't say it was true, Bob.
I said it was a satisfying ending.
You want true, go to a priest, not a playwright.
[SIGHS.]
["THERE'LL BE SOME CHANGES MADE" PLAYING.]
Testing one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
June 3rd.
Interview with Gwen Verdon for "All That Jazz.
" Do you think you were angry with me in some sense? For what? For not taking care of myself, for putting myself in this sort of situation with my health.
No, I was worried.
I was terrified.
Do you remember the mood in the rehearsal room when, uh, everyone heard I was in the hospital? Um, people were stunned.
They uh, sadness.
I heard Chita was crying, hysterical.
Who'd you hear that from? Well, Chita.
Nicole told me that you'd quit.
- I did.
- So what happened? Uh, Annie left.
Hmm.
She moved out a month ago.
Nicole told you? No, Annie told me.
When did you talk to her? At rehearsal.
We've been working on the part.
Is that strange, uh, having Annie replace you? It's pretty familiar, I'd say.
She's in love.
Yes, I know.
I'm happy for her.
He's gay, the the guy she's dating, Charles.
Well, apparently he isn't, so Well, he and Annie are the only two people in the world who don't realize it.
When I got out of the hospital, did I seem different to you in any way? Different how? Well, people say that I changed, that I was, uh, meaner, I was harsh with people, with you in particular.
You think that's true? Do you think that you changed? Well, I'm interviewing you.
I don't think you changed at all.
I think you became more yourself.
You stopped pretending to be anything else.
Did you hate me? At times, yes.
Do you still? No.
[INHALES SHARPLY.]
How do you feel? To tell you the God's honest truth, I don't feel much of anything about you anymore, Bob.
Well, I'm just - I appreciate your honesty.
- [DOOR CLICKS OPEN.]
- I was that's - [TAPE PLAYER CLICKS.]
Hey.
[DOOR CLICKS SHUT.]
You're home before curfew.
Should should I be worried about you? I can stay out if you want.
That's all right.
I got a job for you.
- Take off your shoes.
- Are you serious? Yeah, I want you to help me with a scene.
You want to keep living here, you got to earn your keep.
No such thing as free rent.
Child labor is illegal, you know.
- Oh, is that right? - Yeah.
Well, you can always move back in with your mom.
[SMOOTH MUSIC PLAYING.]
That's not even funny.
Hey.
- Give me that.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah, listen.
- Stand next to me.
- [GIGGLES.]
Can you see your reflection in the in the glass? - Barely.
- Perfect.
I have this idea.
Do what I do but, uh, the ballet version.
I don't get it.
Shh.
Just watch.
[JERRY JEFF WALKER'S "MR.
BOJANGLES" PLAYING.]
I knew a man Bojangles and he danced for you - In worn-out shoes - What am I supposed to do? Port de bras.
Silver hair, a ragged shirt And baggy pants The old soft shoe He jumped so high He jumped so high Then he'd lightly touch down Ooh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Mr.
Bojangles Mr.
Bojangles Mr.
Bojangles Dance I met him in a cell in New Orleans, I was Okay, kid.
Down and out Arch your back.
He looked to me to be the eyes of age Do you know who Bill "Bojangles" Robinson was? Nope.
Oh, he was huge.
He was a big tapper in vaudeville.
They put him in the movies with Shirley Temple.
Sit down.
Jump up.
Oh, you're getting heavy.
Bend your leg.
[SIGHS.]
Yeah, he went out of style.
Died without a cent.
Couldn't even pay for his own funeral.
Do you really not know who he is? Do a head roll.
Whoa, he jumped up high Straighten your leg.
He clicked his heels Oh, you're getting pretty good.
[SCOFFS.]
Not really.
Yeah.
Put your leg into an arabesque.
[SIGHS.]
Oh, okay.
Gwen, hi.
Yeah, Nicole can't wait to move back in with you.
Yeah, she can't wait to have an early curfew - and not be able to go anywhere.
- Fine.
Mr.
Bojangles Follow my hand.
Mr.
Bojangles Hey, you know, we're casting the movie next week.
Mr.
Bojangles Isn't Richard Dreyfuss playing you? Nah, he got nervous about the dancing.
He dropped out.
We need somebody more handsome, taller.
You know, lots of hair.
Uh, maybe Tom Selleck.
I thought it was supposed to be realistic.
- Hey, wise guy.
- [CHUCKLES.]
You ever worry about telling your life story to the whole world? It's not my life story.
Yes, it is.
There are there are differences.
Like what? Well, he's, uh he's, uh doesn't make it out of the hospital.
He he dies.
That's a big difference.
Who's gonna play me? [SIGHS.]
Who do you want? I don't know.
What about you? You want to play it? Really? Would that be fun for you to play yourself in a movie? It might be sort of weird.
I don't know.
Maybe fun.
I'll put in a word with the director.
I'm going to sleep.
Your eyes are looking a little bloodshot there.
It's allergies.
Yeah, I get the same thing.
It must be hereditary.
Mr.
Bojangles Next time, use Visine.
Mr.
Bojangles I hear it helps.
Dance [DOOR SLAMS.]
And what about that the play that you sent me? - The, um - "Gamma Rays"? - Thank you.
- [CLEARS THROAT.]
I can never remember that title.
Who can? I read it.
I ask you to submit me for it.
- Well, I did submit you.
- I know you did.
I know you did.
But imagine me walking down the street, seeing the poster.
Who is it? Shelley.
The playwright had already offered her the role.
They didn't end up auditioning for the part at all.
- Mm.
- So Oh.
That's Do you think "Chicago" will tour? I don't know.
They haven't decided yet.
Because the royalties, that would be a very healthy revenue stream for you.
Mm.
Yes.
Royalties would be wonderful, but I I'm an actress, Mel.
I need to act.
I hate it more than anyone but, uh, LA is where the work is right now.
I grew up in Los Angeles, and that was plenty for me.
You could be booking a different guest spot every week.
Oh, as what, the dying grandmother or some old the lady who gets her purse snatched? I just I can't Mel, book me on the bar mitzvah circuit.
At least I'd have a mic in my hands and - [CHUCKLES.]
- Stretch my legs a little.
I'll make some calls.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[DOOR CLATTERS OPEN.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Annie, we're ready for you.
Great.
[INHALES DEEPLY.]
Hey.
You can go out with any girl in town.
That's right.
I go out with any girl in town, but I stay in with you.
Joe, it's not fair.
Shit.
I'm spilling everything, the coffee.
It's just it's all wrong.
Hold there, please.
That's good, Annie.
That's very good.
Um, I'd like to give you an adjustment.
The character in the film, Katie, she she really wants to let him have it.
You you understand? She doesn't need to be polite.
Just don't hold back.
You know? Take it from the same place.
Give her the line.
Who's Michael Graham? He's a dancer in my ballet class.
Straight or gay? [SCOFFS.]
What do you mean? You you you know what it means.
That's not a real question.
Do it again.
Same place.
Who is Michael Graham? He's a dancer in my ballet class.
Straight or gay? - What do you mean? - Uh, you know what? Let me just give me give me the thing, and I'm gonna do it.
You is it Go ahead.
Get up.
[SIGHS.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[SIGHS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
[SNIFFS, GROANS.]
[SIGHS.]
[BOTTLE CAP POPS.]
[LAUGHS.]
So I don't want to go out with Michael Graham.
I don't want to date.
Do it again.
Do it again.
Ah, Joe, I don't want to go out with Michael Graham.
I don't want to date.
Same place.
Go again.
Go again.
I don't want to go out with Michael Graham.
I-I-I don't want to date.
No, it's getting worse.
Same place.
I don't want to go out with Michael Graham.
No.
Go again.
Same place.
I don't want to go out with Michael Graham.
- I don't want to date.
- No.
Go again.
I don't want to go out with Michael Graham.
- I don't want to date.
- Goddamn it, Annie.
What are you doing? I don't want to go out with Michael Graham.
- I don't want to date.
- What is that? I don't want to go out with Michael Graham.
What are you doing? I asked you a question.
What are you doing? Why can't you do this scene like it means something to you? Because this isn't a scene.
Because this is my life.
These are my words.
You took our life and you put it into a fucking scene in a movie.
That's why.
Same place.
I don't want to go out with Michael Graham.
I don't want to date.
I have no more small talk left in me.
I don't want to fool around.
I don't want to play games.
I just want to love you.
[CLAPS.]
Well, that was it.
That was that's what we've been looking for.
That was terrific.
That was wonderful.
Congratulations, Annie, you got the part.
[SCOFFS.]
[FEET STAMPING.]
Say, a, uh, Mrs.
Willis just called you.
Teddy's principal? Yeah, she wants to speak to you tonight - if you're gonna be home.
- [DOOR CLICKS OPEN.]
I'm telling you, I can teach anybody.
I've got no rhythm.
I never have.
Oh, I-I think you do.
You're home pretty late.
What are you doing still up? You been drinking? Yeah, just a little.
That's gonna leave a mark.
You you got to use a coaster.
I took one of your Dexies.
Oh, well, you're gonna have a hell of a time trying to fall asleep, kid.
Well, do you have a pill that'll help me sleep? You're not getting one.
- Maybe I should go.
- No, you you just got here.
Bridget's an actress.
I'm casting her in the movie.
I'm not sure which part yet, but, uh, we're gonna find something.
- Yeah.
- This is Nicole.
Hi, how do you do? Uh, I think we should all go to bed.
You're just gonna leave me here? Hey, you want to act like a grown-up? I'm gonna treat you like a grown-up.
[SIGHS.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[CRIES.]
[SNIFFLES.]
[GLASSES CLINK.]
What if we left New York? For the weekend? Every year, you say the same thing.
It's the last week of August.
We're out at the beach.
We're a million miles away from the nearest Broadway theater.
We're happy.
And you say, "What if we just stay?" "Get a little house by the water.
" And then every year on the Monday after Labor Day weekend, we pack up the car, we drive back to New York City, and then we forget all about it.
[INHALES DEEPLY.]
Well, because you have a career.
I haven't worked since "Chicago" closed.
That'll change.
But what if it doesn't? What's keeping us here? I We could go anywhere.
We could get a little house in the country.
We could get a dog.
Just have a normal life.
Okay.
[SIGHS.]
What? Okay? Let's do it.
Why not? [CHUCKLES.]
- Okay! [LAUGHS.]
- Okay.
- Okay! - Okay.
[SIGHS.]
Come here.
[CLAPPING.]
Okay, quiet for rehearsal.
- That's terrific.
- That's good.
That's great.
Uh, why don't we start in this direction? Yeah? All right.
All right, stand over here a second.
Be careful now.
Is that comfortable? Yeah, it's fine with me.
Yeah? That's terrific.
All right, let's keep going.
All right, let me see an arabesque.
There it is.
Beautiful.
How are things at home? Pretty good.
- Arch your back.
- Really nice.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Anything you want to tell me? Sweetie, are you okay? - I'm fine.
- Okay.
Shh.
They're rehearsing.
Please.
There it is.
Oh, God.
You're getting heavy.
Very nice.
Bend your knee.
So what were you wondering? Why don't you get married again? Do a head roll.
Yeah.
I don't get married because I can't find anyone I dislike enough to inflict that kind of torture on.
- [LAUGHS.]
- [SIGHS.]
Can I move back in with you? Of course.
That's great.
Let's, uh let's gather everyone.
Cut on rehearsal.
Let's throw down some marks.
Hey, that's great.
Here's all of her stuff.
Well, thank you.
She's okay, right? Oh, she's she's fine.
I'm sure she'll be sick of me in a week.
- I think she's smoking.
- Oh.
She thinks that if she opens up a window, I won't be able to tell.
Hmm.
I mean, I don't know what happened.
Last year, she had such a nice group of friends.
But these New York City private school kids, they just have too much time on their hands.
Yeah, we should send her to a public school.
So Ron and I have been talking about getting a house outside of the city.
For for the summer? Uh, no, for the whole for for year-round.
Uh, oh.
I think it would be good for Nicole.
- Sure.
- Send her to school with children whose parents aren't all actors and stockbrokers.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh, of course, I'd still be auditioning, looking for the right thing, and making appearances.
I just I think it'd be a good change for all of us.
I want you to do Roxie.
Bobby and Joe started booking the tour.
I was gonna wait and ask when it was all official, but, uh uh It'll be a big draw.
And Gwen Verdon over the title.
Probably sell out the whole thing, you know? It's your show.
It's it's always been your show.
[SIGHS.]
Where's Nicole? Out with friends.
Mm.
Which ones? Oh, boy, I don't even ask.
It just leads to an argument.
As long as she's back by 12:00.
What happened to 11:00? 12:00 was our compromise.
Mm.
I got the rest of her things from Bob.
And he must be thrilled to finally have her out of his hair.
And and he told me that, uh, "Chicago" is going out on a tour.
Oh, that's good.
And he offered me Roxie.
[LAUGHS.]
[LAUGHS.]
[SNORTS.]
Right.
'Cause you had such a great experience the first time.
I said yes.
What? It's just for six months while it gets up on its feet.
Gwen, you were miserable doing that show.
It was the worst time of your life.
Yes, but that's because it was brand-new.
I mean, now I know what it is.
There's no more cutting the numbers or this line's her line, this line's her line.
What about our plan? - About what? - What about leaving the city? What, I-I-I don't I don't think I realized that's a plan.
What did you think it was? We we were just talking.
It's an idea.
What? We can still go.
We just have to wait six months.
No.
No, because Because then it's gonna be, "Oh, you know what? He really needs me to do nine months.
" And then it's, "Oh, now it's a year.
But he asked so nicely that I agreed to do 18 months.
" [SIGHS.]
What's that supposed to mean? That you can't say no to him.
I don't want to say no to this.
I want to work.
I don't even know why you're getting to upset about this.
That was my idea to leave the city.
Gwen, I don't care about leaving the city.
I just want to be done with him.
I'm so sick of being in a three-way relationship.
I'm tired of being the consolation prize to Bob Fosse.
[SIGHS.]
If you go on this tour, I won't be here when you come back.
Don't be absurd.
I mean it, Gwen.
["BYE BYE LIFE" PLAYING.]
Unh, give it to me [RHYTHMIC CLAPPING.]
Action.
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
- Bye-bye, life We did it, Joey.
Bye-bye, happiness Hello, hello Doc, you're the greatest.
I think he's gonna die It's a showstopper.
It's gonna run forever.
I'll miss you most of all, kiddo.
So long, happiness At least I won't have to lie to you anymore.
- Oh, I - I think he's gonna die Thank you.
And cut! Reset from the top.
Wow, that's terrific.
Do another one just like that.
Okay.
That that really looked, uh that that looked like it was pretty exhilarating.
Oh, it really is.
- Yeah.
- I bet.
I bet.
You should try it.
- Me? No, no, no.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You should try it.
No, we we don't have time.
We got to roll.
You would love it.
We have time.
- No, no, no, no.
- Hey, hey.
It's your life It's your show.
We have time.
It's our life.
You're playing We have time.
You guys want to see Bob do it? [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Bobby, they love it.
Come on, Bobby.
Come on! Come on! It's your life.
It's your audience.
Bye-bye, love Bye-bye, sweet caress Hello, emptiness, I feel like I could die Bye-bye, your life, good-bye Bye-bye, my life, good-bye Bye-bye, my life Byebye, your life ALL: Good-bye Two, three, four, five, six - [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
- Yes! Come on! Yeah, come on! [LAUGHS.]
It's your audience.
Unh, unh, unh, unh BOTH: Bye-bye, life Bye-bye, happiness Hello, loneliness I think I'm gonna die I think he's gonna die ALL: I think he's gonna die I think I'm gonna Die There goes his baby With someone new [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
She sure looks happy - I sure am blue - He sure is blue - I sure am blue - He sure is blue - I sure am blue - He sure is blue - I sure am blue - He sure is blue I sure am blue I think I'm gonna, I think I'm gonna I think I'm gonna, I think I'm gonna Bye-bye, life - I think I'm gonna - Bye-bye, happiness - I think I'm gonna die - Hello, loneliness I think he's gonna I think I'm gonna - I think I'm gonna - Die Die A-one, two, three, four I'm through with romance I'm through with love Oh, yeah I'm through with counting the stars above Forget the stars And here's the reason that he's so free His loving baby She's through with me - [YELPS, LAUGHS.]
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
[CHUCKLING.]
You're crazy.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
- Bye - [BELL RINGS.]
Back to one! We're gonna do the real thing this time.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- [APPLAUSE.]
- Oh! [CHUCKLES.]
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for this.
Oh, thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Sit sit sit down.
Sit sit down.
Well, I am delighted to be here with you all this evening and to be honored for the work I have been so passionate about for all of these years.
It is vital we continue to provide psychiatric care to the most vulnerable, and at the Staten Island Postgraduate Center for Mental Health, that's just what you've been doing for the last 33 years.
Give yourselves yes! Give yourselves a hand! - [CHUCKLES.]
- [APPLAUSE.]
But tonight is not just about celebrating our accomplishments.
It's also about getting you marvelous people to open up your checkbooks.
[LAUGHTER.]
I know.
I know.
I know it can be impolite to talk about these kinds of things.
But when it comes to raising money for a good cause, I'll tell you my secret.
["A LITTLE BRAINS, A LITTLE TALENT" PLAYING.]
You've got to know just what to say And how to say it You've got to know what game to play And how to play it You got to stack the deck With a couple of extra aces And this queen has her aces In all the right places I've done much more [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[KNIFE CHOPPING.]
[SLURPS.]
Oh! Oh! Oh, my goodness.
[APPLAUSE.]
[SIGHS.]
Thank you! - [TOILET FLUSHES.]
- [SIGHS.]
That was nice.
Yeah.
You hungry? I have class tonight, remember? Oh, skip it.
We're doing our scene.
Oh.
You need me to call the teacher for you? Write you a note? I'll be home late.
We're all getting drinks after.
I'm not invited? [CHUCKLES.]
It's just the class.
No, I understand.
Is that kid I met um, what's it going with you? What's his face? Eddie? Yeah.
Is Eddie going? I don't know.
[KEYS JINGLE.]
- Good-looking kid.
- Let's not do this, please.
No, I think he's a nice kid and he's got a bright future.
[CHUCKLES.]
Maybe you should go home with him after.
You're such an asshole.
He might be a really great lay.
- Good night.
- I don't I'm being serious.
- [PHONE RINGING.]
- I'm late! Where you going? I'm late.
Hello.
What's wrong? What? Neil? What is it? [SOMBER ORGAN MUSIC.]
Uh as most of you know, uh, Paddy and I were friends.
I, uh [SIGHS.]
Hope this doesn't offend anyone.
[SOLEMN MUSIC.]
[SHOE THUDDING.]
[HEELS CLICK.]
Can't imagine a life without you, Paddy.
[SMOOCHES.]
- I talked to Nicole last week.
- Oh, that's nice.
Yeah, she's I don't think she's speaking to me right now.
Hard to keep track.
How is she? Oh, you know.
Same.
I heard that she went down for work uh, to work.
- Oh, yeah.
I talked to Jerry.
- She's, uh she just wasn't right for the part.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Darn.
Hey, I was flipping the channels, saw Ron on a police show.
Yeah, it was a big car chase.
I saw it too.
He had a couple of lines.
I was happy for him.
Yeah.
[EXHALES.]
He and his wife, Sue, they had another baby.
- Oh.
- Little boy.
Spitting image of the father.
Very strong jawline for a little fella to carry off.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Talked to, uh, your old buddy, uh, Joe last week.
Oh.
Well, how is he? He wants to do a revival of "Charity.
" You're kidding.
He wants to maybe start out of town, bring it in next season and the season after.
Golly.
Well, I think that's wonderful.
Oh, yeah, I just have to find another director.
I-I got too much on my plate.
Hmm.
You trust somebody else with it? I mean, if you were there to supervise.
Joe wants to use all the original steps.
Nobody knows them better than you.
Oh, I-I don't I don't know.
I'm I'm busy.
Yeah, but you don't have to be there for the first few weeks of rehearsal or early early previews.
I don't know.
I can think of ten people off the top of my head who would be just as good if not better than I would at that.
Well, it's not just any show.
That's our baby.
That's that's "Charity.
" Well, if you like it so much, why don't you just do it yourself? [CHUCKLES.]
I'm not directing a revival.
I'm not that old.
Yes, you are.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
[COUGHS.]
You start directing revivals of your own shows, you you might as well announce to the world that "My career's finished.
" Don't count me out yet.
I still got plenty to do.
[TAPE PLAYER CLICKS.]
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
These are just random notes on this project called "The Ladies' Man" or "Second-Hand Ladies' Man" or "Used Ladies' Man" or [SLURPS.]
That's probably a better title.
[MATCH STRIKES.]
Question the Ladies' Man's Ladies' Man Ladies' Man keeps asking himself.
And of course he does it with humor.
[SLURPS.]
As with all humor, there's a certain truth behind it.
He asks himself, would you trade a lady who really cared about you, knew how much sugar and cream you took in your coffee, knew exactly when your birthday was, rubbed Vicks on your chest when you had a cold, babied you when you were losing, celebrated you when you were winning, dealt with all your infantile emotions if you had such a a lady, would you trade her for a strange piece of ass? Just a girl who came along, a one-night stand that you may never see again.
Would you trade that for that? One for the other? [PHONE RINGING.]
His answer was Yes, I would.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
It's autobiographical again.
[GROANS.]
Shit.
Bobby? - Yeah? - It's for you.
Honey, I'm working.
This is I'm working.
That's your last cigarillo for the day.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- [PHONE RECEIVER CLATTERS.]
Hello.
Who is it? Hi hi, it's me.
Oh.
How's it going? [SIGHS.]
It's not working.
What's not working? The the whole thing.
It's it's just one big joke.
It's a it's a Saturday morning cartoon.
There's no edge to it, no heart.
Well, that's what you're there for, Gwen.
You're there to supervise.
The choreography is fine.
It's everything else.
It's the [SIGHS.]
It's it's fine.
It's fine.
It's fine.
It'll be fine.
I'm just gonna keep working with him.
I just don't want for you to have unrealistic expectations.
It's not unrealistic to to expect it to be great.
That's what we always expect, Gwen.
Y yes, well, I know that, but[SIGHS.]
All right, look, if we were in New York right now, I would tell you to get in a cab and come down and just put your eyes on it for two minutes.
But that's not an option, so [SIGHS.]
What time do you what time do you start rehearsal tomorrow? ["BIG SPENDER" PLAYING ON PIANO.]
ALL: Hey, big spender Hey, big spender Hey, big spender Spend a little time with Me Fun, laughs, good time Fun, laughs, good time Fun, laughs, good time How's about it, palsy? ALL: Yeah! - What am I supposed to do? - I don't know.
Give a half hour's worth of notes and hope for the best? I've been giving notes in there for a month.
Sad thing is, you know, the cast, I mean, it's they're they're they're they're decent.
- They're good, aren't they? - Debbie's terrific.
She's a talented girl.
Yes, I know.
Everything else up there, though I know.
I know.
I mean, if you could just work with her, then - Yeah.
- [SIGHS.]
Well, that poor director.
I mean, he is trying his best.
But he just isn't you.
[SIGHS.]
I don't know what to say.
I mean, you would have to start completely from scratch.
You'd have to get in there with me, though.
The ch the character work.
Yeah, well, yeah, of of course.
Last time we worked together It went so well.
[CHUCKLES.]
[COUGHING.]
[SOFT MUSIC.]
Yeah.
What do you think? ["IF MY FRIENDS COULD SEE ME NOW" PLAYING.]
If they could see me now Alone with Mr.
V Who's waiting on me like he was a maître d' I'd hear my buddies saying "Crazy, what gives?" Tonight she's living like the other half lives To think the highest brow Which I must say is he Should pick the lowest brow Which there's no doubt is me What a step up Holy cow, they'd never believe it - If my friends could see me - [CLAPPING.]
All right, let's hold there.
Uh, what are you doing? [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
Dancing.
[LAUGHTER.]
That's not dancing.
Well, they're your steps.
Exactly.
What are you saying with those steps? What's the story? [SIGHS.]
Gwen, show her the steps.
But, oh Bob.
What, you don't you don't remember them? Well, no, I - I remember, but it's - Go ahead.
Oh, stop.
It's all yours.
[CHUCKLES.]
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
This is very silly.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Take it back from the same place.
[SIGHS.]
[CLEARS THROAT SOFTLY.]
[SIGHS.]
And If they could see me now Alone with Mr.
V Who's waiting on me like he was a maître d' I'd hear my buddies saying "Crazy, what gives?" Tonight she's living like the other half lives To think the highest brow Which I must say is he Should pick the lowest brow Which there's no doubt is me What a step up Holy cow, they'd never believe it If my friends could see me [PIANO STOPS PLAYING.]
Now.
[PIANO PLAYING.]
[SMOOTH JAZZ PLAYS.]
[MUSIC STOPS.]
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
You're a little early.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
It isn't time yet.
I told you the curtain is at 7:00.
God, you look magnificent.
Let's go.
It's time.
[CHUCKLES.]
- Okay.
- The theater is thataway.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Ah, we've got to look at the spacing for "Frug" in Boston.
I haven't seen the dimensions yet.
- Have you? - It's tight.
That's that's what they say.
I think it's very tight.
What did Danny say about those ticket sales? Well, he said that we're sold out for the rest of Washington.
He thinks that by the time we start advertising in Boston, - we're going to be in a Bob? - Uh, something's wrong.
Bob! Oh, oh, God! Oh Okay, okay.
It's okay.
Something's wrong.
Yup.
That's okay.
That's okay.
You're just you're having a seizure, okay? It's okay.
Somebody call an ambulance! Please! He's an epileptic! We just need to get you your Dilantin.
That's all.
That's all.
All right.
All right.
So they'll hold the curtain as long as they need to.
Nobody's starting anything without you.
Don't want you worrying about that right now.
And we'll j we'll get there when we get there.
[RAGGED BREATHING.]
Okay? There we go.
Okay, I'm here.
I'm here.
Yup, yup.
There I am.
Yup, give me your there you go.
There you go.
Give me that hand.
There we go.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[EXHALES.]
Bobby? Okay? [GROANS.]
I'm right here, Bobby.
Okay? I'm right here.
[CRIES SOFTLY.]
[CRIES.]
[SCATTING.]
[BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY.]
When do I find out if I got this part or not? You already got this part.
You had the part before you walked in here.
Well, why didn't you just say so when I came in here? You didn't ask.
[MATCHES RATTLING.]
[PANTING.]
[SIGHS.]
So what next? I don't know.
I-I'm very nervous for some reason.
Yeah.
So am I.
I'm here, Bobby.
I'm here.
[CRIES.]
Here.
Bobby.
[SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[ENGINE TURNS OVER.]
[SMOOTH JAZZ MUSIC.]