Fuller House (2016) s01e08 Episode Script

1 [Kimmy screams.]
[Fernando screams.]
Fernando, get up.
I gotta get you out without anyone seeing you.
Why? We are still technically married.
We fell asleep watching a movie.
What's more married than that? Let's just tell the world we're back together.
We are not back together.
We are secretly contemplating considering mulling over the possibility of maybe getting back together-ish.
If that's how you feel, then, yes, we should keep this a secret from Ramona.
How are we gonna sneak you out of here? I will simply climb out the window.
-We're on the third floor.
-That's nothing.
One time I escaped from a hotel rooftop in Barcelona wearing nothing but a matador's cap.
And not on my head.
Cosmo, no! [Jackson.]
Mom's gonna go ballistic.
Mom's not gonna know.
I can fix this.
All I need is Scotch Tape and some blue and white crayons.
You're dreaming, kid.
If you want to keep Cosmo out of trouble, you gotta lie.
I've never told a lie in my life.
Oh, it's easy.
How was your day today? Not so good.
Okay, now, when I ask you again, tell me it was awesome and say it like you mean it.
-How was your day today? -It was awesome! My friend, welcome to the wonderful world of lying.
This doesn't feel right.
I'm lying! This feels great! Sorry, Tommy.
Don't say a word.
Lucky for me, you don't know a word.
Max, your granola's getting-- What happened to the couch? Cosmo! Why are you blaming Cosmo? What about Tommy? Right.
Tommy chewed up the couch.
I know it sounds crazy, but let's keep an open mind.
Well, well, well.
What have we here? Evidence beyond a reasonable doubt.
Well, I guess I'll just have to take Tommy to the orphanage.
Can't you just take away his animal crackers? We'll talk about this later.
And you better get a blanket to cover that up.
And just know that lies have a way of coming back to haunt you.
I'm not scared.
This lying thing really works.
-I'm not in trouble and neither are you.
-[barks.]
And you owe me, pal.
I saved you from the orphanage.
-Good morning, everybody.
-Morning! [stammers.]
I have something very important to tell you.
All eyes on me right now.
Yes.
I have a deep, dark secret that affects everyone in this room.
The truth is I didn't shave my legs today! [Fernando grunts.]
-What was that noise? -Whoa, whoa, whoa! Still confessing, hi.
I also didn't shave my legs yesterday.
Phew! Glad I got that off my chest.
I'm not.
Get ready.
Your dad's coming to pick you up.
-He's always late.
-I have a feeling he won't be today.
Good morning! Lovely to see you all for the first time today.
I just dropped by to pick up Ramona.
I did not literally drop, of course.
If I had dropped, I would have to be on the roof and why would I be on the roof? And by the way, here's your Frisbee.
-Papa, what are we doing today? -We're going to the zoo.
I'm not a little kid anymore.
So no more zoo, no more American Girl store, no more Build-A-Bear-- Whoa! I can live without the zoo and the bears.
But the American Girl store? They're not just dolls.
They're heroes with emotional stories.
[doorbell ringing.]
-I know who that is.
-Me, too.
Come on, everybody.
Fernando, maybe you can find something a little more grown-up to do.
I want my nose pierced, a bellybutton ring and a tongue stud.
You know what? Take her to the zoo.
Bye.
-Hey, everybody! -Hi! -Grandpa! -Hi! -Hi.
-Hey, grandkids, hi.
Dad, you don't have to ring the doorbell.
It is your house.
I wasn't ringing it, I was, uh, cleaning it.
Either way, thank you for not just barging into my home.
Yeah.
I hate people who do that.
Dad, it's so great to see you again.
This worked out so great.
I get to hang out with everybody for a whole day, before my Wake Up, San Francisco reunion show.
Isn't it kinda sad when they drag out the old cast for some lame reunion show? Not when the show is adored by millions and the stars are beloved cultural icons.
Grandpa, did you bring us anything? Your present is seeing your grandpa.
But it'd be more of a present, if he had real presents.
Alright, how about some cold hard cash? Alright, here's five bucks for you.
-Yeah! -[Danny.]
Five bucks for you.
Cool! You really need five bucks? I wouldn't be standing here if I didn't.
I am so proud of you.
This place looks great.
It's so nice.
It-- Wha-- What is an upstairs blanket doing on a downstairs couch? Dad, there is a perfectly good reason for it.
Okay, no, you don't wanna do that! What happened to my couch? Cosmo happened.
But don't worry, we are having the whole couch reupholstered.
Reupholstered? This couch is a classic antique.
All of our family memories are encrusted into it.
Let it go, Dad.
You can't hold onto the past.
Unless that past isn't really the past.
Sometimes the past can be your future.
Just like this couch.
It's familiar.
It's comfortable.
It loves you.
Maybe it deserves a second chance.
I had no idea she felt so strongly about this couch.
Why can't you girls be more like Kimmy Gibbler? Cosmo does lots of tricks.
Cosmo, beg.
Cosmo, roll over.
Cosmo, do nothing.
We really worked on that one.
That's nothing.
My dad taught our dog to open the fridge and bring him a beer.
Your dad sounds like a boozer.
He's a cool airline pilot.
[boys gasp.]
Well, my dad was a fireman.
That's him and my brother on a firetruck.
[boy.]
Big deal.
Once, my dad let me sit in the pilot seat of a 787.
Ooh! Well, I can ride on a firetruck whenever I want, even if it's just to go pick up a pizza.
Ooh! Stop "ooh"ing.
-He's lying.
-Am not! Bring a firetruck to my birthday party tomorrow.
Maybe I will.
And guess what? Everybody's gonna get a ride on it.
[cheering.]
That is going to make your bouncy castle look pretty pathetic.
[camera clicking.]
Dad, tell me you're not taking selfies of you and the couch.
No, I just, uh Okay, yes, I was.
Would you get one of me and the whole couch together? -Just one.
-Sure, okay.
Alright.
[camera clicking.]
Thanks.
The upholsterers are taking the couch away in an hour.
This couch has so many memories.
How many dates did you come home from to find me sitting right here waiting for you? All of them? I never did get a kiss goodbye at the front door.
Good.
My plan worked.
Not really.
We made out in the car.
One time on the couch me and David Cantone-- Do not finish this story.
This is a good, decent couch.
Suitable for the whole family.
What? We just watched Gremlins 2 , buck naked.
I'm kidding.
I never liked that kid.
He never used a coaster.
Dad, I have to work late tonight.
Matt and I are doing inventory.
Who's Matt? And why did your face light up just now when you said his name? Oh, he's a new vet at the clinic.
-I'll see you later.
-Alright.
Can I ask you something semi-related to the Matt thing? Sure.
How did you know you were ready to start dating after Mom died? I just sort of knew.
I think what you want to do is list the pros and cons of dating Matt.
Well, there's plenty of cons.
I mean, Matt's my boss's son.
He's only in town temporarily.
Plus, I don't know how the boys would handle it.
What about the pros? I kinda like him.
That's a pretty big pro.
Well, I think if it feels right, go for it.
-Thanks, Dad.
-Love you.
Do you think we could've had a talk like that on a couch covered in new upholstery? I don't think so.
Hey, pal.
I've got a bone to pick with you.
I took your advice about lying and now I need a firetruck at Taylor's party tomorrow.
Why would you say a dumb thing like that? I took your advice about lying.
Try to keep up.
I showed 'em the picture of you and Dad on the firetruck and it just popped out.
It's not fair! I never got a ride with Dad.
You know, if Dad was here, he would have totally gotten you a firetruck for Taylor's birthday.
And you know what? That's exactly what I'm gonna do.
Really? What a great big brother! -What are you gonna do? -I have no idea.
Well, please come up with something or all my friends are gonna hate me.
But no pressure.
Thanks for driving us, Grandpa.
Well, your mom's stuck at work.
It's lucky I'm here.
Alright, let's get Max a ride on that firetruck.
Are you ready with the cute face, Max? This face was born ready.
Should I go with "Christmas morning"? Or "bedtime already?" -Hey, aren't you Tommy Fuller's kids? -Yeah.
-I'm sorry about your dad.
-Thanks.
Is Chief Thompson around? He's retired.
That's the new chief, Mulrooney.
Hi.
I'm Jackson and this is my brother, Max.
Now, Max.
What's wrong with this kid? My brother needs a ride on a firetruck like I got from my dad.
Sorry, son.
These trucks aren't toys.
Sounds like the last chief bent the rules.
Are you sure this kid's okay? Hey, wait a second.
I know you.
Yes, you probably do.
I'm television's Danny Tanner.
Kids, I got this.
You probably remember me from Wake Up, San Francisco, a show I hosted for 28 years.
In fact, would you like an autographed photo? This is your lucky day.
I actually have them in wallet-size.
July 13, 1991.
Wake Up, San Francisco was doing a segment on public servants with interesting hobbies.
I remember that show.
We had a break-dancing paramedic.
Yeah.
And you let him do two numbers.
And then you ran out of time.
For guess who? The singing fireman.
Chief, that was a long time ago.
Could we just focus on the boys here? Oh, I'm sorry.
My producers are telling me we don't have time for this segment.
-[sighs.]
I'm sorry, Max.
-It's okay, Grandpa.
You tried.
"Eat more Chinese food.
" That's not a fortune.
That's not even good dietary advice.
[laughing.]
Alright, your turn.
What's yours say? "Don't eat the egg rolls.
They're a week old.
" [laughs.]
Good shot! [laughs.]
-You have a great laugh.
-Thank you.
Kinda feels like a date.
I think.
I haven't been on one since my divorce.
Yeah, I haven't been on a date since 1999.
And I was so worried about that Y2K thing, I couldn't even enjoy it.
Yeah, I am really not looking forward to the whole dating thing.
Me neither.
Where am I going to find a beautiful woman who can de-worm a shih tzu? They are hard to find.
Well, we're done.
I, um I guess we should go home.
How about you go? I'll clean up.
Oh.
Thank you.
And thank you for helping me with the inventory.
-Well, see you Monday.
-Okay.
Monday it is.
D.
J.
, wait.
I was gonna say you forgot your purse.
Oh! Sorry.
I thought you Well, yeah, you knew what I thought.
Bye.
Oh, my lanta! [stammers.]
Well, bye again.
[Matt laughs.]
[stammers.]
Yeah, there's like a thing Oh, duh! It's locked.
Okay, bye.
Hey! How was your day? Amazing! Papa let me drive one of his race cars! Look at this video, Mom.
[Kimmy.]
Fernando, how could you? Boy, you're really tight on those corners.
I mean, don't you know how dangerous that was? Before you work yourself into a Gibbler frenzy it was a training race car with two steering wheels.
It was perfectly safe.
We even had fire-retardant suits in case of a tragic explosion.
It's true what they say.
Once you get past 110, 150 is just a number on the dial.
I can't wait to get my license.
I'm gonna Tokyo-drift all over this town.
[both imitate cars revving up.]
We'll be the first father-daughter racing team.
And sponsored by American Girl.
"Do something grown-up," you said.
And she loved it.
A sentence I shouldn't have to say: our 13-year-old daughter should not be driving a race car.
You're right.
I deserve to be punished.
You could give me time out.
And you could join me.
We could make out during time-out.
Why do you always look so cute when I'm trying to be mad at you? You bring out the cute in me.
[whispers.]
Okay.
[both giggle, then shush.]
Hi.
-Hi.
-[sighs.]
Hi.
What's with the goofy grins? You didn't find my brownies, did you? No.
I have to tell you guys something, but it's a secret.
That's weird.
I have a secret to tell you.
Well, mine involves a man.
So does mine.
I just I feel like we have this amazing chemistry.
Me, too! I'm afraid it might be physical attraction and a really big mistake.
Yeah, that's how I feel! Wait.
Are you seeing Fernando? No, I'm talking about Matt.
Wait.
Are you seeing Fernando? D.
J.
, we're focusing on you here.
No, don't change the subject.
Are you back with Fernando, yes or no? No.
Yes.
Yes, no.
I don't know.
We're hanging out.
And making out.
But what about you and Matt? We're making out, too! -He just kissed you out of nowhere? -Yes.
Well, after I jumped into his arms and laid one on him.
The soccer moms are running wild and I'm home on a Saturday night sorting socks.
Oh, my God, I'm the spinster aunt.
I don't know where this is going with Fernando.
Don't say anything to Ramona until I figure it out.
I don't know where it's going with Matt.
Well, I know where I'm going.
Out.
I'm not coming back till I get my own goofy grin.
-Tell me everything! -Fernando? I call.
Boys, it's getting late.
Nobody's going to bed till I get my money back.
These guys are cleaning me out.
But that ends now.
Tens and queens.
Full house.
Kings and aces.
Fuller house.
Mom, you wanna take my spot? Not having a great day, huh, buddy? You were right.
Lies come back to haunt you.
Well, I hate to say it, honey, but I'm always right.
Going down to that fire station today, I know you had to be missing your dad.
Sometimes it's hard for me even to remember him.
Well, I'm lucky 'cause I get to see your dad every day in you boys.
What do you mean? Well, boys, come here.
Look, you've got your father's eyes.
And Jackson, you've got his same mop of hair.
And you've both got his smile.
You know what we're gonna do? We're gonna have a Dad Day.
And we'll watch all the videos and look at all of the pictures.
Cool! And Dad's favorite dinner-- pancakes and milkshakes.
That's my favorite, too! You got it! Come on, Dad.
You're gonna love the new couch.
I'll sit on it, but don't ask me to love it.
What do you think? [chuckles.]
It's it's It's exactly the same.
I love it! Thank you, honey.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh [groans.]
That's good sittin'.
And here, I got you an early Father's Day present.
Is this what I think it is? I had it made from the original couch.
It's it's my own sofa blazer.
And it Look, it even comes with loose change and an old Tic Tac.
-Thank you.
Love it.
-Good.
[sighs deeply.]
Hey, Aunt Steph.
Have you seen Grandpa? I'm right here.
I need you upstairs.
-Alright.
Thank you! -You're welcome.
This is the best gift ever.
Max, your ride's here.
But I thought you were driving me.
I think you'll like this ride a little better.
Anybody need a lift on a firetruck? -For real? -Your grandpa and brother arranged it.
I pulled a few strings, but this whole thing was Jackson's idea.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! Go on, you little doofus.
So how did you change that fire chief's mind? Everybody has a weak spot.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Chief Mulrooney, the singing fireman.
[hums.]
Oh, Danny boy The pipes, the pipes are calling Don't worry.
We'll cut all this out.
From glen to glen Across the mountain side [horn honks, siren wailing.]
[children cheering.]
Come on, guys! Let's go for a ride! [children cheering.]
-What a truck! -Yeah! -This truck is awesome! -This is a trip! -[man.]
Have fun! -[woman.]
Bye, kids! I'm the king of the world! [horn blaring.]