Girlboss (2017) s01e08 Episode Script

1 Sophia, unplug that steamer.
Back away from the motherfucking keyboard, sister.
Dax is on his way, and we need to rock 'n' roll.
There is no time for jazz.
What's wrong? Tell me there's a wasp here and buh-bye.
No.
This is the first time I'm seeing Shane post-hern, and I have no clean undies.
Rock a swimsuit.
I don't have a swimsuit.
What am I, a Kennedy? I don't have time for your judgments.
I'll go without.
Yeah, girl.
Let it breathe.
Don't keep that tiger in a cage.
There's Dax.
He got us a convertible for our Road trip! Ooh, I know.
Earthquake kit underwear.
Goodnight Moon? Spectacular end-of-the-world reading.
God, why couldn't I have packed a thong? Okay.
I'm sorry.
This is who you're gonna be in the New California? Walking around wearing granny panties, holding a Discman, listening to what? Hootie? Road trip! - That's the last time we'll say that.
- For sure.
I can make these work.
You better, 'cause you haven't seen Shane in months, and I saw this website called Sorority House Sluts, and all the sluts in that sorority house were super flexible.
And I'm not suggesting that Shane has looked at this particular website, but if he has, all I'm saying is, the young girls are coming for us, you better step up your game.
Oh, man.
I hate being a woman.
Road Oh, my God.
This is better than I thought.
Hey, anything for my girl.
Ooh! Where did you get this? And how will Danny Zuko get to heaven? It's my uncle's.
He sounds rad.
Love to meet him.
Huh.
So, your family is cool, you're just rebelling against it? Hey, I'm cool.
I spent a night in jail.
It was for a school project.
I got a B-minus.
All right.
Let's drop that top and roll.
- Sorry, babe.
It's staying up.
- But I had this picture in my head.
Top down, wind on my cheeks.
How is my head scarf gonna fly off my head as I laugh without a care in the world? Come on.
So, what am I supposed to do with my long cigarette holder? Not puff on natural tobacco? We can't drive with the top down on the freeway.
We'll get shitty gas mileage, bugs in our teeth, and I don't wanna have to yell when I try to explain how agribusiness is crushing the small farmer.
Is it the seventh of the month? 'Cause I am cramped back here.
No? Nothing? 'Cause of my monthly? The driver controls the buttons.
You focus on driving.
When you talk about corporate greed, you're talking about Monsanto.
- Fuck me.
- You don't believe me? Ugh! I'm sure they'll get around to answering all of your questions.
Locke's ability to walk, Smoke Monster, the DHARMA Initiative, - how fat man never slimmed down - Then don't watch.
God.
What? And then get it spoiled for me in the Starbucks line? You want us to come with? Okay.
Okay.
We're in L.
A.
Can we please put the top down now? Yeah.
We're so close to the hotel.
I mean, what's the point, you know? Yeah.
Fine.
All right.
Kick drum, please.
Floor tom.
All right, cymbals.
- Whoa! - Oh! - Are you okay? I'm sorry.
- Yeah.
I'm good.
I'm good.
I almost didn't recognize you without your computer.
Left it at home.
This weekend is about you and me.
Uh, lover boy? Testing, one, two.
Testing my patience.
Check, one, two.
Check, one, two.
Sorry, man.
This is my girlfriend Sophia.
Sophia, that is Billy, Mickey, and Dr.
Josh.
What's up? Sophia, huh? Shane won't shut up about you.
Hey, Shane.
I'm feeling a bit nasally, so, get my Claritin-D before the show.
Since we've been on tour, have I let you down? - Tucson.
- That was one time, and the Rite Aid was out of D.
It's a big city, Tucson.
Surprisingly big.
Place like that has a lot of Rite Aids.
- Went to three.
None of them had D.
- If it isn't D, why get it at all? - When sound check is done, I have to go.
- Check with the medical board - to find out if he's a real doctor? - Yeah.
It's cool.
I'll grab a cab to the hotel.
I'll see you later.
If you swing by Rite Aid, you should pick up a couple Red Bulls, and some Band-Aids, 'cause I'm gonna fuck your dick off.
- Whoa! Where did that come from? - I don't know.
The sad thing is, that phrase was rolling around in my head for six hours, and I did nothing to stop it.
Talking about a lot of things that are not Claritin-D.
Okay.
For the weary traveler Okay.
I finally washed off that car ride, and I'm ready to hit reset on this trip.
I'm worried about this show tonight.
Got a feeling it's gonna be me and a bunch of white dudes, bobbing their heads like: "Huh.
Gee whiz, Caleb.
This independent rock music's outrageous.
" Tonight doesn't matter.
This trip is all about tomorrow.
Ooh, okay.
We should go buy a map of the stars and go find Britney.
She could really use my support right now.
That prime rib does look world-class.
After that whole umbrella incident, she needs a steady hand on her shoulder, and I can be that hand.
We just have to find her.
We'll start at a Chevron bathroom.
I already got us tickets to the Eames House tour.
Oh, yes, right.
The Eames House.
Hmm.
Mm-hm.
Yes.
Should I keep pretending to know what that is or? It's an icon of mid-century modern architecture.
- Architecture.
The science of buildings.
- I told you about this last week.
The tour would take most of the day, but you're gonna love it.
Wait.
So, you're telling me that the entire time I'm in Tinseltown, not only am I not helping Britney, but there's a chance I won't even get to meet Katie Holmes and learn the secrets of her side smile? You really think you're gonna meet Katie and Britney wandering the streets? No.
But we should be open to the possibility.
Or, yeah, whatever.
Eames House is cool, too.
Okay.
The truth about love It's great when you're in it Who writes this stuff? Comes out of bed Picks her clothes off the floor Yesterday Hey, okay.
Hey, hey, hey.
Penny Lane.
You have gotta stop bumping into me.
I'm so happy to meet you.
Do you wanna get inside the music with me? Oh Yes.
- What do you think you're doing? - Drugs.
She offered them to me.
It would be an insult to her culture not to take them.
Annie, taking mysterious shit from strangers is crazy.
It's not mysterious shit.
It's drugs.
- Annie.
- Fine.
No drugs for me.
Okay.
By the weekend she'll be over him It's her routine that is Keeping it sane Why the face? You need a conference? I thought my first trip with Dax was gonna be amazing, but we're totally not vibing.
Hmm.
You want me to break up with him for you? "Dax, Annie's dead.
She left no note.
" Man I really thought we were soul mates, you know? - I mean, we both love weekends.
- Yeah.
- We're great in the boning department.
- Mm-hm.
Now he wants to go take me to some stupid old boring house.
- To bone? - No.
To, like, look at.
I mean, shit, man.
I can see old houses anywhere.
Stamps, money, insurance commercials, salsa labels I don't know.
I'm sorry.
I'm sure tomorrow will be better for you guys.
Yeah.
Tomorrow is gonna be just fine.
Go.
Go to your man.
Mm-hmm? Okay.
Hey.
Remember me? Yeah.
Come on in.
I'm just pooping.
By the weekend she'll be over him Over him Thank you, Los Angeles, I love you.
Could do without those Santa Ana winds, but For our next song, our tour manager wanted to do something special for his lady.
So, Shane Yeah, everybody, give Shane a hand.
Yes.
Now, all tour long, this guy here has been giving me the D.
Gratitude, bro.
Hi.
All I wanna do When I wake up in the morning Is see your eyes Sophia, Sophia I never thought that a girl like you Could ever care for me Sophia Hold on, hold on, hold on.
What are you doing? No sorority house sluts are swooping in here stealing my man.
Get over here.
I did it once in high school.
It's not a big deal.
I saw some pretty colors and took a nap on the softball field.
Getting acid from a stranger on a toilet? Damn it, Annie.
That's just dumb.
Uh-uh.
It's not dumb, it's fun.
Unlike forcing me to use my trip to Tinseltown to look at a house.
You're being so close-minded.
And you're making your gums recede, and there's no cure for that.
Whatever.
The only way I'm gonna get through your stupid shack in the woods is if I'm high as a goddamn kite.
This is moronic, and it's not like you, and I forbid you to take that acid.
Oh, you forbid me? I forbid you.
Okay.
- You took the whole thing? - Yeah.
Call 911.
Whoa, calm down.
It's fine.
I'll just spit it out.
Wait.
I don't feel it.
- Wait.
Do you see it? - Oh, shit.
I don't see it.
Wait.
I got big teeth.
Deep pockets.
Look higher up.
No.
It's not in there.
Holy fuck.
I was just being dramatic to prove a point.
- I was gonna spit it out.
- That's not how acid works.
Fuck.
Okay What do I do? You wanna tie down all my limbs? - No.
Just quiet.
I'm trying to think.
- Okay.
No.
What? Why? You were supposed to babysit me.
Oh.
Wait Oh It was behind my wisdom tooth.
- No, no.
It's okay.
You spit it out.
- Okay.
Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
Yep.
- It's right there.
I feel it.
Nope.
It's gone.
Okay.
- Bet it's just paper.
- Yeah.
Totally.
This is a bad idea, bad idea, bad idea.
- Stop, stop, stop.
- Bad idea, bad idea Stop saying "bad idea.
" Idea.
Ooh, do I not know what the word "idea" is anymore? We gotta distract ourselves.
- Come join us at - Turn the TV off.
- Where the steaks are world-class - The sounds are bright, and the colors are loud.
Do you hear all those dogs? This isn't like high school at all.
Hey.
Wanna take a shower? I'm kind of just waking up.
Come on, it'll be fun.
Never, ever pull a soft hotel comforter off a woman.
Hop on my back, I'll take you.
Get on.
I don't care if you're dead, we're showering together.
That sounded so creepy.
Okay, I know this is fulfilling some fantasy of yours.
Probably a random summer camp memory.
Not my business.
But I'm cold.
Definitely not getting any cleaner.
I could wash your boobs.
Sure, if you're on your way to my pits.
Yeah.
Mm.
Hmm.
All right, let's hit the pool.
We just came from water.
There is more to life than being wet.
You can't stay at a hotel and not use the pool.
It's like burning money.
Well, unplug the smoke detector, 'cause I'mma light it up.
Okay.
I can feel you moving.
I'm on a boat.
Are you on a boat? I am now.
Big Dipper.
Little Dipper.
Did you just see that? Is it possible we're seeing the same thing? Try switching the space for me.
- Do you see it? - I see walls, simple lines What is this? This is Eames.
- You changed your mind.
- Don't make fun of me.
Only the survivors of the big one were supposed to see these.
Marco.
Marco.
Marco.
Marco.
Your girl made another $400.
Minus shipping, minus service fees, minus eBay dipping its beak.
No work.
Get in, so we can do that thing where the girl gets on the guy's shoulders in the pool for some reason.
Okay, but only if I can get in slow.
Get in fast.
Get in fast.
Get in fast.
- Ow, ow, ow! - Ooh! Okay.
Nice.
Oh, goodness.
Yo, lover boy.
- Lover boy.
- Yeah? - I need a cab.
- Okay, just a minute.
- Whoa, is this for real? - It's cool.
No, I will give you three reasons why it's not cool, doctor.
One, what? Two, there are plenty of people who work here whose only job is to get cabs, and three, get it yourself, Claritin D-bag.
She's a lot.
I know what you're really after.
You're gonna miss me.
You needed a goodbye hug.
Come on.
Tucson is bygones, buddy.
It only took two days to build that frame.
How do you know all of this? Before business school, I took classes in architectural drafting.
I loved it.
We used these really great pencils.
We'd put them in these hand-cranked sharpeners.
- It was great.
- I've never used a pencil.
That's not true.
Are you sure you didn't wanna order any fries from here? They're so good.
None of that crinkle-cut bullshit.
Nah, I'm not that hungry.
All right, your burger will be out soon.
I'm still checking to see if we can make a quesadilla.
I mean, it's just cheese and flat bread, right? Found this purse the other day, behind this blanket that I'm 99 percent sure a man died under, but the beading on this thing was crazy.
I mean, Bob Mackie meets, I don't know, Jesus' orgasm.
Old-school Gucci, you know? So, definitely handmade - by some badass Italian broads.
- Yeah.
You should see my apartment.
It is completely unrecognizable.
Totally out of control.
Fully packed.
Things are just really blowing up for me.
What's wrong? That burger sitting weird? Nothing's wrong.
Yes, there is.
So, just say it.
Hey, I went swimming.
In my undies.
Would you stop pretending to look for something? Shit.
I'm looking for my ChapStick.
Oh, what, was that the first thing that popped into your head? Shane.
It was the fries.
I like to wait, so I can eat them with my burger.
- That's what you're pissy about? - Yeah.
Okay.
Sorry I ate too many fries.
They were my fries.
You said that you didn't want any.
Then you took all of them because that's what you do.
Dude, you're gonna have to learn how to share.
You You're totally missing the point.
- Which is what? - Which is that you do whatever you want.
- It's selfish.
- Since when do I do whatever I want? Are you kidding me? Always.
No one always does anything.
Okay, today at the pool, that shit you pull in front of Josh? Oh, you mean Dr.
Josh? - Yeah.
- Dude, that guy is a tool.
I would never let anyone speak to me the way he speaks to you.
- Yeah, well, I was doing my job.
- Really? You attacked me when I was trying to do my job.
I didn't attack You attacked me when I even glanced at my phone.
Don't give me the "doing my job" thing.
Can't you apologize for eating the fries? - They were just fucking fries! - Lower your voice.
- Don't tell me what to do.
- Because you do whatever you wanna do.
Oh, I'm bored.
Just call me a bitch and get it over with.
- I'm not gonna do that.
- Fine.
I'll do it.
I'm a bitch.
I'm the devil.
Mm You're so perfect.
Sophia, she's a monster.
Don't do that.
Grow up.
I am so sick of people telling me I'm not a grown-up.
I run a fucking business.
What is it that you do? This is insane.
You get that I dropped everything, just to come see you this weekend.
Right? Just for you? Mm-hmm.
For what? To watch you get an adult man a cab? I'm a tour manager, Sophia.
I manage people.
Client asked me to get him a cab, I got him a cab, ensuring that he'd wanna work with me again in the future.
It's called professionalism.
Yeah, well, I'd never put up with that.
And maybe that's why I'm doing so great.
You would get so fired from my job, because it's not for self-absorbed narcissists.
I would never do your job.
It's a joke.
Fucking glorified errand boy.
Well, thank you for a terrible end to an otherwise great weekend.
Do whatever the fuck you want for the rest of the day.
I'm feeling a lot of things right now.
Like what? Things like you're embarrassed of me, because you think I'm flighty.
You're not flighty.
You're the fireworks.
You're Pop Rocks.
You're birthday cake, every day of the week.
Well then why haven't I met your parents? We've been together a whole year, and they only live 20 minutes away.
I MapQuested it.
- There's a reason.
- Is it because you think I'm dumb? I still don't understand the difference between partly sunny and partly cloudy.
Partly cloudy is at night, when there's no sun.
And you're not dumb.
It took me a long time to figure that cloudy thing out, too.
Well, then what is it? Well you're white.
And my parents It's gonna be this whole thing.
And you don't wanna deal with it, 'cause you're not sure about me.
You're the only thing that I'm sure of.
I just don't wanna deal with it because they're crazy.
I'm serious.
I mean, most black parents are cool with stuff like that, but not my parents.
I'll charm 'em.
You'll see.
I love you, Annie.
I love you, too.
Man, you would've killed it as an architect.
I'm not a very good drawer.
Mm.
See, I hold my pencils like this.
- No.
- I really do.
Sorry.
You said some pretty mean things up there.
I did.
I get really mad when people are right about me.
Well, I said some pretty mean things up there, too.
Is the only reason we're together because we've been apart for so long? I don't know.
Do you wanna find out? Yeah.
Come on, get in.
No.
- No, no, no, no! - Come on.
These granny panties are made of one long old grandma waistband.
They will not survive the No!