Glory Daze (2010) s01e08 Episode Script

Pledges of Omega Sig Welcome to Rivalry Week! Isn't the cop who pull us over when we got the fake I.
D.
s? Yeah, I think it is.
Don't worry.
He won't remember us.
Mr.
Murphowitzbergstein! Pleasure to see you again, brother.
Pleasure to see you.
All right.
I can't believe he remembers my fake name.
I didn't even know your fake name.
All right, enough chatter, Portersmith.
I am officer Alvin P.
Buck.
Anyone here know what happened When Hayes and Holy Dome University Played their first game in 1935? FDR created social security, Beginning America's long, slow March to the left.
Button it, Buttonshaw.
I am talking football, gentlemen.
1935, Hayes versus Holy Dome -- 7 touchdowns, 12 turnovers, 4 trick plays.
Moynihan, you read your sports almanac.
But what you won't find in there is that after the game, The Hayes quarterback -- He took home the girlfriend of the Holy Dome star player.
Look at that.
Look at that.
There it is.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[ laughing .]
yeah.
Yeah, he made sweet love to her unholy domes For three straight days.
Whoo! All right! Then, the following year, in retaliation, The holy domers burned the outline of a Leprechaun Onto the Hayes football field [ all booing .]
What?! Two years later, that Holy Dome was tarnished By the freshly painted logo of Hayes University.
Yeah! Amen! [ all cheering .]
That's right! All right.
Whew! God, what I would've given to have been alive that day.
[ all cheering .]
Now, I bet a lot of y'all are wondering why I, Officer Alvin P.
Buck, take this rivalry so personally.
Why you take it so personally? You are wondering, aren't you, boys? All right! Now, let me tell you.
You are looking at a proud graduate Of Hayes University, class of 1971, And proud soldier sworn to defend it Against all those who would defile it.
Glory Daze - Season 1, Episode 8 "Shamrock You Like a Hurricane" Gentlemen, I give you The statue of Arthur Wesley Hayes Our founder.
During rivalry week, It is the duty of all fraternity pledges To protect the Hayes statue from desecration.
This gentleman will be standing in For the Hayes statue Given that he is of t approximate gi-I-I-rth And gravita-a-a-s of our noble founder.
Why, thank you.
Not enough people mention my gravitas.
Lock 'em up! Lock 'em up! Lock it! Focus, boys.
Hold that line! We're holding! [ all shouting .]
Oh, come on, man! Can't not gonna get me wet?! Aw.
You got a problem with wet.
Hold that line! Hold that line! If you can't guard a man, how can you guard a statue? If a ball gets through, I don't want to be you! Take that! Oh! Hold the line, boys! Focus! [ all grunting .]
15 miles per hour of pure hell coming at you, boys.
Hold that line! All: We're holding! Hold it! We're holding! [ tires screech .]
[ all screaming .]
[ tires screech .]
[ all panting .]
Congratulations, Omega Sig pledges.
You are now ready to serve and protect.
The Hayes statue is in good hands.
[ chanting .]
Hayes U! Hayes U! All: [ chanting .]
Hayes U! Hayes U! Hayes U! Hayes U! Hayes U! Hayes U! Hayes U! Hayes U! Hayes U! [ bird caws .]
Hey, better him than me.
Oh! You have no idea what an important job this is, guys.
Some of the best times of my freshman year Were on that line, defending that statue.
Hector single-handedly fought off A Holy Dome blowtorch attack.
Yes, I did.
Your pledge class president will be in charge Of organizing you And arranging shifts with the other pledge classes.
UhDamon, we don't -- We don't have a pledge class president.
What do you do with these guys? Man! Knew I forgot something! I got mid-terms, my mama's birthday coming up.
I got this -- I got this unexplained rash That's causing all types of consternation I would be honored to serve as pledge class pr-- Uh, Harrington Consider yourself elected.
Guys, meet your new class president.
[ applause .]
Really? I'd follow your lead any day, man.
Thanks.
Ex-- excuse me, sir.
Uh, one second.
Um Not that Joel isn't a fantastic choice -- You are.
He is -- But, as somebody with his own political aspirations, I have to ask -- why not me? I don't know.
I-I just -- I don't know.
Joel seems like the kind of person That'll take a taser to the nut sack to save his buddies.
Uh, Turbo, Joel did literally Take a taser to the nut sack to save his buddies.
He did? You saw it happen.
I knew I had a good feeling about you, Joel.
What about you, songbird? Your jewels ever ride a lightning stick for this house? Can't say that I have.
It okay, man.
We can't all have lucky nut bags.
Mr.
Pledge class president? Yeah? Can I talk to you for a sec? Yeah.
Attaboy, Joel.
You know, um You and I have gotten to know each other these last few weeks, And you've really shown me something.
And that means making tough decisions, Unpopular decisions.
Like no hitting golf balls off the roof.
Exactly.
But we do hit golf balls off the roof.
That's 'cause I don't really like saying no.
But I did say no to grain alcohol at rush functions.
Yes.
Leadership can be lonely, Joel.
So, if you ever need anyone to talk to, Somebody that really understands what you're going through, Just call Reno.
O-- I'm kidding.
Call Turbo.
Kidding again.
Call me.
[ both chuckle .]
uh, just not that late.
I get up early.
Okay.
Hi! Excuse me.
Are you registered to vote? Hey.
Hey, baby.
I can't believe how apathetic these people are.
They care more about this stupid college rivalry Than the fate of our nation.
Some people just don't understand the value of leadership.
Leadership of the senate, Leadership of the pledge class What are you talking about? I just got passed over for pledge class president.
Well, why didn't you tell me you were running? You know what I can do with a button-maker.
I didn't tell you because there was never an election.
No campaign, no debates, no kissing babies.
Everything that I've trained for, denied me.
Well, this is an outrage.
Who'd they pick? Joel -- a great guy and a friend.
And, yeah -- yeah, he's great in a crisis situation.
He's Mr.
Charismatic.
He understands the plight of the common man.
But, seriously, empathy and leadership Do not a president make.
No.
Me and my unlucky nut bag.
Jason, what have I told you about testicle humor? I -- I know.
I'm sorry.
I'm just -- I'm frustrated.
It's okay, you know? Once those guys see what you're made of, You're gonna have your day.
And lots of political leaders Suffered their setbacks in their beginnings -- LincolnNixon.
Oh, excuse me! Great, so I have impeachment and assassination To look forward to.
Look, Jason, I-I really hope there's no hard feelings About this whole presidency thing.
Oh, no.
Not at all.
Okay.
But you are missing a vital part of your presidency.
Hmm? A vice president.
Vice president? Is that even allowed? If the u.
S.
Constitution has anything to say about it, it is.
I mean, what if something were to happen to you? [ chuckling .]
what? Hi, guys.
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey, Christie.
Nice -- nice job.
Arthur appears to be in good hands.
So, what are you doing out here? My journalism class is having each of us Write a story for the paper.
I was hoping for something meaty, You know, like an exposé Of the University's involvement in South Africa.
Instead, I got you guys Guarding the statue.
Jane Pauley, look out.
I actually had my sights set On more of a Diane Sawyer hosting "60 minutes.
" So I've been interviewing pledge classes, Getting quotes, taking pictures.
Ah, who am I kidding? It's a total fluff piece to fill up space next to the dairy queen coupon.
All right, fellas, you're off the hook.
"off the hook"? What do you mean? Well, we're moving Arthur to a safer locale.
Oh, but Officer Buck told us not to leave the statue, period.
Yeah, well, I've got an authorization form straight from the dean.
That's his signature right there.
What's going on? Holy dome's been making threats.
They're talking aerial assault -- Helicopters loaded with manure ready to drop.
It's not pretty.
Those sick bastards.
Tell me about it.
That's why we're moving him to a warehouse until after the game.
So, if you wouldn't mind Yeah, sure.
Go ahead, officer.
I mean, the least we can do is give you guys a hand.
That'd be great.
Thanks.
Yeah, sure.
Come on.
Anything else? [ camera shutter clicks .]
[ drill whirring .]
[ camera shutter clicks .]
One last question -- when will the statue go back up? As soon as the game's over on Saturday.
[ engine turns over .]
thanks for your help.
Hey, no problem.
Bye, Arthur.
Officer Buck: What the -- what's going on, man? Hey! What the hell are they doing with Arthur? Oh, they're taking him the warehouse.
Warehouse?! No, they're stealing him! Holy Dome rules, suckers! [ laughs .]
Whoo-hoo-hoo! Arthur! Arthur! Arthur! Fifty years of rivalry and you guys blow it.
Unbelievable What were you guys thinking? You let them take the statue.
No! Wait.
You volunteered Help them take the statue.
[ no audio .]
That was sure nice of you.
Did you make sure that they lifted with their legs? 'cause I would hate for them to strain their backs Or -- oh, god forbid -- get a hernia.
Damon, they had badges, okay? School I.
D.
s.
I mean, they looked official.
Really, guys? Every student on this campus Has a "totally official" fake I.
D.
You four have fake I.
D.
s.
I know, but their authoritative attitude really sold it.
Brian: Damon, with all due respect, We were trained to defend against a frontal assault.
We never covered subterfuge.
What about you, Joel? As the pledge class president, You're awfully quiet, aren't you? That's because nothing I say can change the fact That it happened on my watch.
I should have seen something like this coming.
This is on me.
I appreciate you stepping up, But that doesn't change the fact that the statue's gone.
How many people know That it was stolen on Omega Sig's watch? After the "Hayes spectator" comes out tomorrow Everybody.
I got to go do damage control.
[ crickets chirping .]
[ '80s music plays .]
Yeah? Christie, hey! Hey.
Hi.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Were you sleeping? Oh, no.
No, this -- this is mousse.
I was trying out a new product.
It's really working for you.
[ chuckles .]
Are you busy? I was hoping I could get a few quotes for my story.
I mean, you were there.
Think you saw what happened.
We pretty much gift-wrapped the statue for the enemy.
Don't beat yourself up.
I mean, they fooled me, too.
You don't mind including that in your story, do you? [ chuckles .]
I don't know what to include.
I mean, Damon wants me to soft-pedal the story.
You guys are my friends.
You know, I'm Really conflicted.
Well What you want to do? [ sighs .]
I don't know.
I thought covering this was gonna be a total joke, But, come on, Holy Dome's been after our statue for 50 years, And when they got it, I was there.
I'm part of history, and now it's my story.
I mean, someday, people could write stories About me writing this story.
God, I hope not.
I'd rather not relive this for the rest of my life.
Look, I think that you should write what you want to write.
I mean, what would Diane Sawyer do? Hmm? Jason: Oh, this is worse than I thought.
Eli: Tell me about it.
You know what, guys? At least the reporting is balanced.
You know, she does make the point That it could've happened to anybody.
Nice job, assholes! Yeah, I don't think the rest of the campus sees it that way.
Great.
So, we've managed to dishonor the Omega Sig house And the entire school.
Then we have to restore honor to both.
I can't believe we pulled this off.
I'm gonna go find the guys.
Don't let the hood come off.
Is everything all set for the tailgate? Yeah, we got 15 pounds of charcoal fluid, The beast has had its 50,000-mile tune-up, And Hector's been prepping the tamale cart all week.
Oh, man -- Guys, there's something you need to see.
Come here.
Gentlemen, we'd like to present The Holy Dome Leprechaun.
[ laughing .]
this is awesome! Truly inspired, gentlemen! Yeah! Whoo! Wow! They got him! He's bigger than I thought.
[ birds chirping .]
[ grunting .]
How did you guys pull this off? Well, we figured the best thing to do Was check all the hotels in town And find out where the Holy Dome team and staff Were staying for the game.
And then sneak into the hotel laundry room And steal some hotel staff uniforms.
And then pretend to deliver room service To the mascot's room.
And then, when he opened the door, grab him.
And that really worked? No.
None of the hotels would give us information on their guests.
But we did saw a car with a Holy Dome bumper sticker Leaving the parking lot, and guess who was driving? This guy, yeah.
So we followed him to a strip club, Ere, with the help of the lovely ladies of the booby trap, We managed to corner him in the champagne room.
Ah, the booby trap.
Did you tell Darlene I said hi? Yeah, she sends her best.
Ahh! [ clears throat .]
Now, where is the statue? Wait! [ irish accent .]
yah! I'm not telling you anything, you cowardly bastards! Untie me, and I'll take on every one of you! Slap you so hard, you won't know what hit you Until you read about it in your obituary! Ha ha ha ha ha! He's actually Irish.
[ laughs .]
[ laughing .]
I know! Crazy.
D foul-mouthed.
And you're the seed, breed, and spawn of an english whore! Ooh.
You brigands are messing with the wrong Leprechaun! And he still doesn't break character.
[ grunts .]
You got to admire this man's dedication to his craft.
Look, if he doesn't say anything, worst-case scenario -- Right? -- We keep him here locked up, He's a no-show for the game -- we're heroes.
More than that.
I mean, we'd be legends.
That's true, But just in case, let me Just give me a second.
[ clears throat .]
Look, Leprechaun I know you're not happy about this.
But if you tell us where the statue is, We can have you at the booby trap in 10 minutes, Playing dollar-bill hide-and-seek with Darlene.
How about you let me go, and I promise Not to beat thaggis out of you?! Huh?! Ha ha! [ spits .]
Mr.
President, he's all yours.
[ laughs .]
But he Well, I-I-I guess we're gonna -- we're gonna have to Keep you here until the end of the game.
[ shivers mockingly .]
but we're gonna try to make you as comfortable as possible.
All right? Uh, is there anything that you'd like to watch? Hmm.
Aye.
You shagging the little one.
[ laughs .]
what?! It's -- yeah.
How about something to eat? Huh? I bet you could use a beer.
Mnh! Beer is for women and children! Bring me an irish whiskey or nothing at all! Get the man some whiskey.
Ooh, Danny boy the pipes, the pipes are calling [ hiccups .]
ugh.
I've never seen anything like it.
This is great! Boys! I got to shake the dew off me lily.
I'm sorry, what? I think he has to pee, man.
I mean, it makes sense.
He just drank his weight in liquor.
Oh, no.
W-we can't untie him.
Okay, then what do you want to do? All right, which one of you lucky lads Gets to unbutton my trousers? [ laughs .]
Just do me a favor -- warm your hands.
Me Blarney Stones are a wee bit sensitive.
[ laughing .]
no.
No, no.
Unh-unh.
Well, that looks like a job for the president.
What? No! [ laughs .]
[ doorbell buzzes, rings off-key .]
All right, I'm gonna go see who that is.
We'll draw straws when I get back, all right? Hey.
What -- Professor Haines, what -- what brings you here? Oh, just reading about your latest exploits.
We need to discuss this.
Uh, you know what? I'm really glad that you stopped by, But now is not really a great time.
Um, maybe you can come back a little later? No.
Joel, you know what? I've already let too much slide.
As your faculty adviser, it's time for me To take an active role in guiding this fraternity.
Eli: Joel, get back here! I'm not touching this guy's schlong! And that will start tomorrow.
[ tearing, clattering in background .]
[ sighs .]
[ door closes .]
Well, that was a close one.
Geez.
Eli: [ muffled .]
Joel! Joel! Eli?! Little help? What happened? [ speaking indistinctly .]
What were you trying to say? I said, "take the gag off.
" Joel, we got to lock this place up so he can't get out.
Damon: How does a Leprechaun just disappear? [ doorbell buzzes, rings off-key .]
I got it, guys.
Hey, get in.
Get in! What's going on? The Leprechaun got loose.
What?! How?! Don't worry.
It's under control, all right? We sealed the exits as soon as we discovered he was gone, So he's still somewhere in the house.
Well, good, because if he makes it to the game, This whole thing will have been for nothing.
Not true.
We could still get indicted on federal kidnapping charges.
[ Leprechaun laughs .]
That's him.
Well, get him.
He can't get out.
He's locked in.
Sounded like that came from upstairs.
I thought it came from downstairs.
All right.
We're gonna split up into teams.
Search every inch of this house.
We got 17 hours before the game tomorrow.
We'll search all night if we have to.
Joel? Yeah.
I got he-man.
How is it possible we haven't found this guy yet? Well, it's not that surprising, really.
According to lore, Leprechauns are the progeny Of an evil spirit And a degenerate fairy.
So, by their very nature They're devious tricksters.
Yeah, well, that'd be really helpful, man If Leprechauns actually existed.
Maybe that's what they want you to think.
[ Leprechaun laughs .]
Let's get out of here.
Yeah, you first.
[ '80s music plays .]
Uh Hey, what up, little bro? UmTop of the morning and stuff.
[ laughs .]
looks like somebody's been hitting the clover.
Yeah, dude.
UhI knew that this was gonna happen one day.
Uh-oh.
Hey, you're a Leprechaun, dude.
You know what? Does that mean That you can grant me three wishes or whatever? Aye.
But make it quick, lad.
Oh, I wish I knew what to wish for.
That's one.
I wish I didn't make that wish.
That's two.
I wish that this wasn't so hard for me.
That's three! [ laughing .]
Oh, dang.
Hey, you know what? That was very nice of you to do that -- give me three wishes.
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
It feels only fair if I were to reciprocate, right? Sure.
Oh.
You know what? I do not have a pot of gold.
Ugh! Whoa.
Whoa.
I do have pot.
[ whistles .]
Let me get it.
[ grunting .]
No, just don't -- don't make those noises.
Chill out, okay? Don't -- don't be mad, Leprechaun.
Relax.
Here.
Okay.
Nice.
Thank you.
No problem.
Pink hearts! Orange stars! Yellow moons! And green clovers! Ugh! Hey, you forgot the blue diamonds, bro.
No, I didn't! Unh! Unh! Ah! [ laughing .]
[ sighs .]
[ thud .]
Stankowski! That little dude stole my weed.
Are you hurt? Only my feelings, bro.
And me lucky charms.
Should we have weapons? I feel like we should have weapons.
Shh.
Stay behind me, songbird.
Okay, okay.
Aah! [ both scream .]
Aah! Open it, open it! [ both screaming, banging on door .]
Oh, my god! Damon! Somebody! You didn't see any sign of him? If the Leprechaun wants to hide here, Smoke Stankovski's weed, fine.
The doors are locked.
The windows are bolted.
He's trapped.
We won.
I say we just sit back, relax, and enjoy the game, huh? [ doorbell buzzes, rings off-key .]
[ cheering on television .]
Ahh.
If it isn't the boys who gave away the statue.
Please, come in.
I got a report of some women screaming From inside this house.
Yeah, uh, sorry, officer.
We'll keep it down.
Right, ladies? [ sniffing .]
Smells like a guatemalan drug hut in here.
That's just incense.
Yeah, some weed incense.
Grab some wall, boys.
We're gonna take a little trip downtown.
O-officer, no.
I-I promise you, I can -- Come on, grab the wall.
No, you don't understand.
There is a police car out front.
What the hell is going on? You.
Aloysius Haines.
Again we meet under dubious circumstances.
Your boys here have been partaking In some illegal botanicals.
No, sir, we haven't.
Well, I'm sure there's a logical explanation.
There absolutely is, gentlemen.
I can assure you that we have not been partaking In anything illegal.
It is the Uh Leprechaun hiding in our house.
You see? Logical explanation.
Gentlemen, you have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say Can and will be used against you in a court of law.
[ Leprechaun laughs .]
what the hell was that? The Leprechaun.
It's -- it's the Holy Dome mascot.
We kidnapped him in retaliation For them stealing our statue.
Did you just confess to an abduction? No.
No.
No.
No.
No, no.
[ laughs .]
Great job, boys! I hate that damn Leprechaun.
Really? [ laughter .]
Finally, we got something in common, huh? We got him, man.
We're just planning on watching the game and waiting him out.
You're welcomeme to watch with us.
Eli: Can I offer you some refreshments, officer? Sure.
I can hang for a few.
Awesome! Officer Buck.
Wait a minute.
If you guys kidnapped the Holy Dome mascot Then who is this? If that's the Holy Dome Leprechaun [ cheering .]
Who the hell is in our house? Leprechaun: [ laughs .]
You're messing with the wrong Leprechaun.
[ laughs .]
[ crickets chirping .]
Who -- who is this guy? If he's not the Holy Dome mascot, Why is he still here? What does he want? Revenge.
Don't you see what he's doing? Guys, he's toying with us.
And when he's had his fun, He's gonna pick us off, one by one -- Eli.
Eli, you're sleep-deprived, okay? You've been up for 36 hours.
Well, so has he.
Why isnhe tired? Brian: Yeah.
There's only so much marijuana and alcohol The human body can tolerate.
That's 'cause he's not human.
He's a real Leprechaun.
We walked that perimeter three times.
Yeah, we got to know each other pretty well.
One thing we can agree on is that, uh, We really don't like each other that much.
Nope.
Did you guys happen to notice a short guy, Wears lots of green, works the balls like sugar ray? No, nothing.
He's burrowed in pretty deep.
But I'm up for the challenge.
I hope he resists arrest.
Right.
Let's go check the basement.
[ doorbell buzzes, rings off-key .]
[ gasps .]
Man, we got to disconnect that thing.
I got it, guys.
I got it.
Hey, Christie.
Hey! Hey, what are you doing here? Oh, just a follow-up.
Damon said you guys were trying to get the statue back, And after the last story, I wanted to write something positive about the Omega Sigs.
So, any new developments? No.
No, not really.
Nothing? Guys, what's going on? He cut the power.
Who cut the power? The Leprechaun.
What Leprechaun? Okay, this is strictly off the record, But we thought we kidnapped the Holy Dome mascot, But we grabbed the wrong Leprechaun.
And now he's in here Somewhere.
Right.
Seriously.
Damon Did you just grab my butt? No, I thought you grabbed mine.
[ Leprechaun laughs .]
[ all screaming .]
Brian: Ow! He bit me! Just pick on someone your own size, You little celtic demon! Don't say that! He's my size! Still moving! Okay, the Leprechaun bit me.
I need a rabies shot now! Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Someone's coming.
Christie: [ gasps .]
oh, my god! Son of a bitch got my handcuffs Took my keys.
And our dignity.
Okay, but seriously, You're not gonna put this part in your story, are you? I would if I thought anyone would believe me.
Guys, we are dealing with a superior criminal mind here.
As much as I hate to say it, I agree.
We need a new plan of attack.
Aloysius, follow me.
Like I have a choice? Make way, boys.
Okay.
We need to get the power back on now.
Somebody's got to go down into the basement And flip the circuit breaker.
No way! No! Uh, I don't want to be a legend! I want to live through this! [ sighs .]
I'll go.
Joel, I would go with you, But, as pledge class vice president, I'm only one heartbeat away from the presidency, So we can't risk it.
Wait.
You're not going alone.
I'm going in with you.
Christie: Be careful! I will.
I will.
[ both scream .]
Barbara! [ both breathing heavily .]
So, if he's not the Holy Dome mascot, He could be anybody? I mean, he could be an escaped mental patient Who likes to dress up as a Leprechaun? Do we really have to go to the absolute worst-case scenario? Why can't he just be some really rabid Holy Dome fan? Well, the biggest mental-health facility in the state Is 10 miles from here.
I really hate that you know these kind of things.
Reno: Shh! Shh! I hear footsteps.
Size 4 or 5.
Oh, I see him! I see him.
I see him.
There he is! Aaaah! Aaaah! [ shouts indistinctly .]
Where's the fuse box? Right there, on the back wall.
Right there? Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
[ breathing heavily .]
[ sighs .]
okay, great.
[ sighs .]
Hold still! HoldStill! What are you doing? Get off of me! Ugh! Do I look irish?! The three big ones.
Here? Yeah.
Okay.
Come on, let's get out of here.
Let's go.
[ both grunting .]
Oh! [ chuckles .]
And then, after the Leprechaun attacked us, I tr-- I think "sneak attacked" More accurately describes the encounter.
Well, I tried to chase after him, But he -- he escaped into the air duct.
Ohhh.
That's how the rascally bastard has avoided capture, huh? Till now.
It's up to you, Hector.
You ready to hunt some Leprechaun?! Huh? I'm feeling lucky! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Come on, Hector! Get him, man! Get him! It's fine.
He's tenacious.
Get him, Hector! This does not feel like a good idea.
It's fine.
He's a warrior.
It's too dangerous.
Damon: No, no.
Come on, Hector, get him! You got him, you got him.
You see anything in there? Hector: Nothing.
He must have had -- Leprechaun: Take that! That all you got? [ indistinct shouting, punches landing .]
Missed me.
[ laughs .]
What happened? [ all gasp .]
Oh.
Hector? I will avenge you, my poquito amigo.
Stankowski: [ singsong voice .]
I know how to catch him.
[ normal voice .]
we can fill the place up with water And then turn the heat up real good So the water evaporates.
That's how a cloud is formed, you know? Then, when the cloud gets angry And starts to rain, We can let some sunlight in, And then that's how a rainbow is formed.
At the end of that rainbow will be our Leprechaun.
Well, technically, it's the pot of gold You'd find at the end of the rainbow.
Details.
Oh.
Oh, no.
No, no.
Wait.
That gives me an idea.
The Leprechaun smoked all of Stankovski's marijuana, right? Well He's got to be developing a serious case of the crunchies.
Oh, it's actually "munchies," but "crunchies" is awesome.
I'm gonna start using that from now on.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right? Yes, yes.
[ laughs .]
[ grunting .]
[ laughing .]
Get him! Go! Go! [ all shouting .]
[ cheering .]
Oh, yeah! Whose pipes are calling now, Danny boy? [ laughs .]
[ cheering .]
All: oh, Danny boy the pipes, the pipes are calling Listen, Seamus, let me give you one more chance to tell me who the hell you are! Or what? You'll let me dance another jig on your face again? [ laughs .]
We're not getting anywhere.
Give me five minutes and a curling iron.
Not now, Hector.
It's time for Stankovski.
Yeah.
A little Navajo truth root will loosen his tongue.
Pfft! "Navajo truth root"? Yeah, it's medicinal, all natural, And perfectly legal In most states.
Except Indiana.
You're not gonna get anything out of me.
No, you're not.
Nothing, you hear me? [ chuckles .]
[ coughing .]
[ sighs .]
[ coughing .]
[ american accent .]
I'm a decoy.
Every year, Holy Dome pays me about 150 bucks To, uh, dress up like their mascot.
How come, all of a sudden, he's got that weird accent, huh? I get it -- so we spend all week looking for you And not the real mascot.
I told you you were messing with the wrong Leprechaun.
Okay, well, you're still gonna tell me where the statue is.
Yeah.
Fine.
Shirewood hotel.
Room 237.
[ all shouting .]
Guys, thanks, but we got it.
Damn! You mean to tell me I signed all this out the armory for nothing? Hey, we don't have to take this back right away, do we? This is my first shield.
I'm really kind of digging this.
So, uh, am I free to go, or what? Yeah.
Get out of here.
Damon: Watch it.
[ irish accent .]
till next year, you jackholes.
[ hums jig .]
[ '80s music plays .]
Hey, guys.
Hey.
This is great.
Thanks.
I know you weren't exactly thrilled with the last one.
Oh, come on.
You know I support you, no matter what.
Wow, this is so cool.
Look, look.
I'm referred to as "pledge class vice president Jason wilson.
" Amazing.
Look, Jason, that was a really great idea -- Luring the Leprechaun out with junk food.
And I know how bad you want to be president.
Why don't I resign And you take over? That's why you're president.
You put the office ahead of yourself.
I don't think I'm ready to do that.
You can drive me to get my shot, right? Leprechauns do not have rabies.
That's never been proven.
Might want to get a tetanus shot, though.
Why would you put that in his head? [ both chuckle .]
Now, let's move the alumni brunch to Sunday.
I think that'll work out with all the meetings.
Whoa.
Isn't that the Holy Dome mascot? He's got a lot of nerve, sleeping it off on our campus.
Let's take him back to the zeta rho house.
We'll be heroes when people find out We kidnapped the Leprechaun.
[ snoring .]
[ mumbling .]
What do you mean, he got loose?! He cut the power! Ow! He bites! [ Leprechaun laughs .]