Grosse Pointe Garden Society (2025) s01e08 Episode Script

1
Previously on "Grosse
Pointe Garden Society"
We could totally end up together!
He's got a wife.
He doesn't know he's adopted, does he?
I am the kid's biological mother.
You should join the baseball team.
It'd look good on your applications.
I have arranged it
so you could invest in your dreams
and a grandbaby.
This is straight-up blackmail.
It's really important to Melissa
that we're all in a good place.
I know a lot of deep-pocket people
who could help you get your
car business off the ground.
Connor was right about you.
He said you'd make me a lot of money.
Guys, right now,
we gotta get this out of here.
What have we done?
[TAKAKO MINEKAWA'S "FANTASTIC CAT"]
I like to tell my customers
that gardening isn't just
about planting seeds.
Nature is full of surprises.
Fantastic cat ♪
A flower isn't always just a flower.
I am a cat and like a girl ♪
- Fantastic cat ♪
- One sunflower is actually made up
of thousands of tiny flowers
held together on a single stalk.
Hoo, hoo, hoo ♪
- Fantastic cat ♪
- Dirt isn't just a layer of earth.
Oh! Oh!
It has more organisms in one teaspoon
than there are people on the planet.
[BEEPING, LINE RINGING]
[PHONE BUZZING]
And those plants in your garden
aren't just sitting there quietly.
[SCOFFS] What?
They're busy talking to each other
through an underground
network of fungi and bacteria.
[SCOFFS] Wait.
Slow down.
Fantastic cat ♪
So anyone can garden.
How can we have frost?
Fantastic cat ♪
This cannot be happening.
It's way too early.
The cup's in a month.
But to keep one alive,
you have to expect the unexpected.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[HAIR DRYERS WHIRRING]
Medium-low, everyone.
Keep the air slow and steady.
It's gonna be fine.
What makes you so sure?
Because I keep my weed in the freezer,
and that stays fresh.
Not how it works.
We're just looking for
a little volume, people,
not a stick-straight blowout.
How are the marigolds?
- They're on life support.
- Oh.
That's where Marilyn's gonna be.
Only if we tell her.
Oh, she's definitely gonna know.
How? She's in Frankenmuth
buying garden flair.
That's how.
Donna! Don't you dare.
- Donna, hang up the phone.
- End call!
- Hang up the phone!
- Hit End Call!
- Donna, now!
- Hang up the phone, Donna!
Bitch, get off!
OK, now we just have to
- survive the thaw.
- Yeah.
Mother Nature's not winning this round.
Not on my watch.
[TOOLS POWERING DOWN]
- [PEOPLE GROANING]
- Oh.
[LIGHT MUSIC]
Donna!
Flip the switch!
What doesn't kill this garden
only makes it stronger, people.
Come on!
She might be more Marilyn than Marilyn.
- Mm-hmm.
- [CHUCKLES]
[SIGHS]
[CURIOUS MUSIC]
[SIGHS]
[GASPS]
No heads up?
I didn't wanna add to the stress.
- Could've texted.
- You said it was triage.
- This is worse than a frost.
- Breathe.
[SIGHS] When?
This morning.
- For how long?
- Wouldn't say.
Oh, my God.
Breathe.
Mom?
My baby girl.
[LIGHT MUSIC]
Again.
More like that.
Keep your chest up over that front knee.
Where'd you find this guy?
I know a pitcher for the Tigers.
Pays to have friends in high places.
Actually, I dated him.
Was he married too?
I don't know what you mean.
I saw you with Joel.
Maybe you misunderstood.
All over town.
Throw it, don't pitch it. Quit aiming.
- [GRUNTS]
- Nice.
It just happened.
[TENSE MUSIC]
I stupidly trusted you
cared about my son.
I do.
This is how you show it,
by ripping apart his family?
What do you want me to do?
Choose.
My husband or my son.
Are you serious?
Well, being a real mom
means making tough choices.
What if I can't?
I'll choose for you.
If you tell him, he'll hate us both.
Then he'll just have to decide
which mom to hate more.
- That was amazing.
- [LAUGHTER]
His fastball's nearly 90.
- I wasn't even warm.
- [LAUGHS]
Is that enough to make the team?
Eh, too early to tell.
He is a little wild.
Oh, don't worry, we'll get him there.
- We'll get him there.
- Keep working on that slider.
[SIGHS]
Come on, let's get to work.
[BUZZER BLARES]
[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
Ahh. OK, that one's on me.
No, no, no.
Your money's no good tonight.
But we're celebrating you.
No, but if it wasn't for you,
I wouldn't be able
to afford any of this.
All right, but if we're being honest,
we should toast to
whoever bought that Camaro.
Can you believe? A bidding war?
Well, yeah, I saw the picture.
Pretty cool, right?
Real pimp, dawg.
[CHUCKLES]
So, um, things keep
going the way they're going,
Steve, uh, thinks we should open a shop.
Wouldn't you miss,
uh, working the register
- at the garden place?
- [CHUCKLING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- Oh.
- Come here.
You know them?
Yeah. They're from my firm.
What's up, Danimal?
We've been over this, Connor.
It's just Daniel.
You gotta loosen up, man.
How'd you like it if I called you
Corndog or something?
Y'all grabbing some drinks?
It's a bar, so
Sure. Yeah.
Hey, all right, I'll, uh yeah.
I'll catch you in the trenches mañana.
Uh, they seem like dicks.
Nah, they're good guys.
- Really?
- Yeah.
You know, they're
just a little threatened.
I mean, uh, nobody
bills more hours than me,
- and they know it.
- Uh-huh. Gotcha.
Plus, Danimal can't stand
that I went to Yale Law.
- He only went to Penn.
- [SCOFFS]
- That garbage pile.
- [CHUCKLES]
Yeah, but hey, I mean,
it's it's all in good fun, right?
I mean, at the end of the day,
we respect each other like brothers.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Well
one thing's for sure, man.
What's that?
I got you all wrong.
Whoo!
- Yes, sir.
- [LAUGHS]
Two more, sir.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
Black tie event in a couple of days.
Fancy.
I guess.
Uh, anyway,
took me a while to get everything.
You look tired.
Maybe double check,
make sure it's what you need.
I only get about 4 hours a night myself.
Well, with your line of work
Now leave the rest to me.
Wait, wait.
This is the only way, right?
I mean, in your, um,
professional opinion?
Guys like Connor deserve
everything coming their way.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[SIGHS]
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
Hi.
I will have a skinny vanilla latte
with 2% milk and, uh,
one of those paintings on the wall.
Which one?
Um, how 'bout that one,
the Statue of Liberty thing?
You mean "Lady Justice on Fire"?
Yep, whatever.
- $2,004.53.
- Oh.
I'll give you $2,100 for it.
[SCOFFS]
No.
You can't afford this.
$2,200.
Do I hear $2,250?
No, it's not an auction.
$2,250.
- Cash or card?
- Oh, um, card.
Hey.
Wha what are you doing?
What, so you're gonna
you're gonna rack up
credit card debt just to prove a point?
Well, it's better than
being indebted to you.
Eventually you're gonna
have to pay it down, though.
I am paying it down.
On a teacher's salary?
Teacher, cheer coach,
debate advisor, fall musical director.
We're doing "Into the Woods."
Congratulations, Alice.
You have somehow found
a way to make your life
more exhausting than having a baby.
My uterus, my choice, Patty.
[CHUCKLES]
So how is your writing going?
I'm sorry, who's actually
buying the painting?
I am.
She'll pay for my latte too.
Don't ever come to
me to bail you out again.
[TENSE MUSIC]
Sorry.
And an oat milk cappuccino, please.
$2,012.42.
[CHIMING]
[SCOFFS]
Uh, what's all this?
Breakfast.
Uh, we're a family, not a platoon.
A simple thank you would suffice.
Thank you, but the
kids are fine with cereal.
Well, you and Tucker have to eat too.
Tucker has a protein
bar, and I do coffee.
That is not enough to fuel your day.
I've been skipping breakfast
since the seventh grade.
That's because we
didn't know the effects
back then, like smoking.
[LIGHT MUSIC]
Where's the coffee, Mom?
In the cupboard, above the machine.
Please stop moving everything around.
It just makes more
sense for the coffee
I like my things where I like them.
Maybe if you ate breakfast,
you wouldn't be so cranky.
Why are you doing this to me?
You've got a lot going on right now.
I don't need your help.
I just don't want your family
to slip through the cracks.
The kids can handle it.
What about your marriage?
What's that supposed to mean?
You've already caused enough damage.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
Chocolate chip pancakes?
Can I have whipped cream?
- Yes.
- No.
Hey.
I got those peanut butter
protein bars you like.
Ah.
- Is that eggs B, Dianne?
- Yes.
And there's hollandaise
sauce on the stove here.
Oh.
Come on, it's eggs B.
OK, well, just be fast.
Not too fast.
You don't wanna get a tummy ache.
Well, I have a new
listing to get to, so
Go ahead.
Grammie'll take 'em to school.
BOTH: Yay.
Can you also come
pick us up from school?
Yes, my little angel.
More whipped cream, please.
[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
Oh, hi.
Hey.
Thought I'd just let myself in.
Yeah, of course.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Everything OK?
I just didn't realize what time it was.
Yeah.
One of these for me?
Yeah, sure.
- So Ford was amazing in practice today.
- Mm.
Scoop says he has,
like, a killer slider.
- Amazing.
- Yeah.
I can't believe I didn't
make him stick with T-ball.
Hmm.
Totally.
You're acting weird.
What?
I'm excited for Ford.
Well, I thought you'd
be excited to see me too.
You distilling that vodka yourself?
Oh.
Hello, Officer.
Uh
hi.
What kind of trouble
are you in now, darling?
[CHUCKLES]
Um, this is my friend Joel.
I'm sorry.
Who are you?
I suppose I'm also a friend.
Right.
Well, I suppose this is yours.
Thank you
for your service.
[CHUCKLES]
Could you give us a second?
What am I doing here?
I thought you were coming later.
I mean, what is this?
I don't know.
It's what it's always been.
Yeah, I'm gonna need more than that.
It's fun, OK?
You're fun.
[CHUCKLES]
Who the hell is that?
My ex-husband.
Which one?
Does it matter?
Well, I'm just trying to figure out
where I fit in here with your harem.
You don't, OK?
'Cause what?
You slumming it with me?
I didn't say that.
Yeah.
You didn't have to.
I'm sorry.
I knew you were all kinds of trouble.
[VOCALIZING]
Well
If that doesn't keep a
squirrel from nesting,
I don't know what will.
He never would have
accepted it any other way.
Well, that was a performance
worthy of the West End.
Except no one wins an Olivier.
Especially not you, dear.
Oh, darling.
[CRYING]
[BRIGHT MUSIC]
She warmed up the kids'
PJs in the dryer last night.
Sounds like a good thing.
Sure, it's the best.
And now they expect it forever.
Oh, eventually, they'll grow up.
Nope. Tucker loves it too.
Monica!
Can we please put the
domes in a straight line?
Like I asked 1,000 times?
Oh, my God.
Well, your mom sounds
like a real control freak.
This morning, I found my
vibrator in the dishwasher.
You have a vibrator?
Whoa, this is, like, the first thing
you've said all day.
My drama is not as juicy as hers.
I mostly use it for my neck,
but every once in a while,
you know.
Guys, I can hear you.
How long is she staying?
Till she can fix whatever's
wrong with my life.
My advice?
Get ahead of it before she
takes your whole family down.
Jeez, what happened to you?
Yeah, are you OK, sweetie?
I'm just gonna redecorate my house
until I don't feel anything anymore.
Oh, do you need any art?
- No.
- Say no.
Oh, come on, I just need
a few more walls to store everything.
Yeah, and by a few more walls,
she means all of your guest bedrooms.
Your entire garage.
Doug is just too prolific.
Because he thinks he's
actually selling them.
Well, technically, he is.
At your expense.
[SIGHS]
I will deal with my own life later.
Yeah, that's what I told myself
when I put Melissa through law school.
No, it's not the same.
Oh, then what's in it for you?
Never having to see the
look on his face if he found out.
[LIGHT MUSIC]
Gonna redo the entire
interior, all leather,
put in rally gauges, uh,
get rid of the drum brakes,
put in disc, you know.
Will that cover it?
Uh, yeah [LAUGHS] And then some.
Well, consider the rest an advance.
You really don't have to do that.
Actually, I do.
What what do you mean?
Uh, just doing a little housekeeping.
You know what I mean.
I don't.
Well, the IRS is doing
their usual digging around.
Just gotta keep our
noses clean for a minute.
My nose is clean.
[LAUGHTER]
Exactly.
Just like that, when they come knocking.
Why are they knocking, Steve?
Man, you are, like, scary good at this.
No wonder Connor put us together.
I'm I'm serious.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
Uh
what did Connor tell you about me?
None of this.
All right.
So I got my hands in
all types of things, right?
Uh, laundromats, car washes,
lot of cash-based investments.
Mm-hmm.
And you know how
greedy Uncle Sam can get.
So from time to time,
I inflate a little in one,
put it in the other.
So so I've been
laundering money for you?
That's why I always
take care of my partners.
[SCOFFS]
- We could get in a lot of trouble.
- Don't worry.
All right? Connor will fix it.
I've never done more than 30 days.
Take it back.
You're being crazy, Brett.
I don't wanna be a part of this.
I hate to say it,
but you already are.
[DOOR CREAKS, SLAMS]
[JUNIORE'S "LE CANNIBALE"]
[SINGING IN FRENCH]
[DOOR CREAKING]
Who's hungry?
We already had dinner, Mommy.
Grandma wanted Thai food.
Plenty of leftovers.
[TENSE MUSIC]
Pad woon sen.
[CHUCKLES] Mmm.
So [SIGHS]
Another trip around the sun, Mom.
No, it's not for another week, honey.
Like we won't be
celebrating it all month.
- Stop.
- [LAUGHS]
We wanted to do something
special for you, Patty.
Oh, Alice baked a killer cake.
Ooh.
I hate you wasting money on me.
Well, it's my pleasure.
Just wouldn't want you running up
your credit card on my account.
[SIGHS]
Coffee shop called.
Apparently somebody
bought "Lady Justice on Fire."
Well, that is wonderful news.
Mm-hmm.
So are we gonna get
into this cake, or what?
- Hold that thought.
- [CHUCKLES]
I bet whoever bought it is
as incendiary as the subject matter.
Well, they, uh they don't
tell you who bought it, Mom.
You should ask.
Why would we do that, Patty?
Mm
To thank his patron.
Well, in that case, we
should probably find out
who bought his very first painting.
'Cause that's who
started this whole thing.
Babe, I
I actually don't care who bought them,
as long as they've got deep pockets.
Well, I I hope
that whoever bought it
isn't in over their head.
Well, good news. Not your money.
You don't think I'm worth it, Mom?
I do, babe.
Thanks, baby.
You know, can you
cut me a really big slice?
Dad, she's gotta blow
out the candles first.
Make a wish, Patty.
Why doesn't everyone help me?
- Oh.
- Mine already came true.
[TENSE MUSIC]
[SIGHS] OK.
Whoa. What?
You know what my wish is?
For all this to stop, right now.
What are you talking about, Dad?
You gonna tell him?
Keith
How 'bout you?
Tell me what?
No one's buying your art, son.
But I'm selling it.
Yeah, to these two.
Is that true?
Uh
Just please let [CLEARS THROAT]
Doug, let me explain. Doug.
- Doug.
- Doug. Dougie.
- Doug.
- Dougie!
[SCREAMS]
[PLATE CLANGING]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[LIGHT MUSIC]
Happy?
Maybe he'll actually sell that one.
That's for stew pots.
You could hurt your back bending
Stew pots down here,
saucepans up here.
Stew, sauce.
Sauce, stew.
Someone didn't have their pad woon sen.
Someone's not hungry.
You're gonna take it out on me?
Go ahead. That's what I'm here for.
- Take what out, Mom?
- What you've done.
It was an affair. It happened.
It's over, OK?
It would've been nice
to hear it from you.
See, that's exactly
why I didn't tell you.
To embarrass me in
front of half the town?
Because I knew you
would make it all about you.
God forbid you would ever
think to ask about how I feel.
What about your family?
Or how unhappy I must have been.
I just don't want you to end up alone.
You know who's gonna end up alone?
Cathy, please.
You have to control everything.
So you push and push and push and
[SOMBER MUSIC]
- What is this?
- Your to-go bag.
Where am I going?
Home.
[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
[DOOR CREAKING]
Don't bother.
But it's really good cake.
I need you ♪
I love you ♪
You know, the worst part is I, um
I actually believed it was real.
I could not hate myself more.
Well, my mom lit this fire.
I let it burn.
Yeah.
Why?
You were so happy.
I wanted to believe it was real too.
[SIGHS]
You know what is real?
What?
Being the regional director
at the sign company.
- [POUNDING ON DOOR]
- Hey, Connor!
- Open up!
- Jesus, Brett.
Tell your husband to
get his ass out here.
OK. Will you keep your voice down?
Get that lame-ass dick down here, now!
What is wrong with you?
The investor he introduced me to
is, like, a career criminal.
Yeah, why would he do that?
He's trying to make me take
the fall for his shady client.
Everything OK?
Oh, yay, look who's here.
Mel, you good?
No, she's not, Connor,
'cause I'm about to explain to her
how she married a total crook.
You know what, Brett? Enough.
OK, fine.
Explain yourself, man.
Explain what?
Why you feel the need
to torture people like me.
- I'd like you to leave.
- I'd like you to leave.
You're on my property, pal.
Why don't you come make me, pal?
- Hey, no, don't
- Hey! Stop!
- Brett, stop it.
- No, stop. No.
That's enough. Hey. Come On.
- Snapped my wrist! You happy?
- Brett.
You don't get to just do this!
You hear me? It's over!
- You're done!
- OK.
I am going to end you!
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
[FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYING]
Jingle all the way ♪
Hold up.
[BUTTON CLACKING]
Morning.
[LIGHT MUSIC]
[BUTTON CLACKS]
[LIGHT MUSIC]
What's the prognosis?
Looks stable.
Color's coming back.
I think she's gonna pull through.
Soil's good to go.
Let's get our garden on.
[CROW CAWING]
Where is everyone?
Uh, it's just us today.
Why?
Nobody wanted to come.
[SCOFFS] Are they tired?
Sorta.
- Like, they're sick?
- Kinda.
They're all sick?
Of you, OK?
Sorry, sweetie.
What did I do?
You just pushed 'em a little too hard.
[SIGHS]
Another low and away.
[CHUCKLES]
You sure this kid's not 25?
You think he should be on the team?
- Which one?
- His high school?
[CHUCKLES] No.
But he needs it for college.
No, not with an arm
like that, he doesn't.
What do you mean?
He could go straight to the pros.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
[S+C+A+R+R'S "YOU'RE THE ONE"]
Am I doing OK?
You're doing great!
Love ♪
Dove ♪
Nah ♪
But you're the o ♪ne
A baby dove ♪
A dove ♪
We fly ♪
Will you come ♪
Hello?
Mom?
We fly ♪
Will you come ♪
Dove ♪
A dove ♪
We fly ♪
Mom?
Will you come ♪
Mom, are you here?
Dove ♪
A dove ♪
We fly ♪
Will you come ♪
Oh, Mom
Hey.
Where's Daddy?
He left.
When's he coming back?
Never.
[POIGNANT MUSIC]
Why didn't you say anything?
It's embarrassing.
Mommy
And you were dealing with enough.
I should have asked if you were unhappy.
Not your job, baby.
You gave him a
perfect life for 40 years.
It just wasn't the one he wanted.
I think I can be a lot.
If you were any less,
you wouldn't be my mom.
I'm in a lot of trouble.
How can I help?
Well, uh, heard you guys
were the best with, uh,
government tax stuff.
My grandfather started
this firm a million years ago,
so I just try not to mess it up.
Well, uh, he definitely
wouldn't be too happy with my situation.
What do you mean, Brett?
One of your partners is
the reason I'm in trouble.
[TENSE MUSIC]
Which one?
If nothing else, we pride
ourselves on integrity, Connor.
Tell Gramps I can't
wait to sue this firm.
Just be thankful you're
not being disbarred.
This was a giant mistake, Patrick.
The mistake was hiring you.
[ICE RATTLING]
[TRANCE FARMERS' "LONE STAR"]
- Hey, creeper.
- Hey.
Is it, uh, cool that I'm here?
Yeah.
You want a drink?
For real?
Like a juice box or something?
[CHUCKLES] You have juice boxes?
What's going on?
So I was reading your book.
Really?
What'd you think?
Some parts weren't boring.
You're not exactly the demo, OK?
I didn't know, uh, you
were from Grand Rapids.
Mm.
- Couldn't wait to leave.
- Yeah.
Well, I can't imagine you had a ton
of pregnant friends in high school.
I still got voted prom queen.
Yeah, right, with your boyfriend.
Someone made it to chapter five.
Captain of the baseball team.
Was he? Huh.
I just remember him being kinda hot.
Is he the one who knocked you up?
Why does it matter?
Well, it'd just explain a lot.
Like what?
Like why you came out of nowhere,
giving me a scholarship
I didn't deserve.
[SCOFFS] We've been over this.
And then the tutors and the coaching.
You're an investment.
I think I'm more than that.
Coach wanted to see my
birth certificate to prove my age.
OK.
I was born in Grand Rapids too.
Why are you showing me this?
Because my mom always told me this story
about how she was on a road trip
when she went into labor with me.
And it just never made any sense.
Maybe you should ask her about it again.
Yeah.
I guess coach was wrong about my arm.
Come on.
A pro like him knows
God-given talent when he sees it.
Not God.
Genetics.
[EXHALES SHAKILY]
What is with cleaning
ladies and spatial relations?
You know, we've had
three in the past year.
None of them have been
able to get this tray to stick right.
How are you so fine with
what happened the other night?
What do you mean?
I mean, Brett was, like, unhinged.
That surprises you?
This is the same dude
who threw a tantrum
over his kids' family tree.
Yeah, but this was, like, next level.
Look, if it were me,
he's not a guy I'd want around my kids.
And I know, it's not my place.
Come on.
I mean, Brett's a good dad.
Just glad the kids
weren't home to see it.
Do you think that there's any chance
that this client of yours could
be doing something shady?
As far as I know, Steve's
just a baller business guy
who does what business guys do.
- But I just don't
- Sorry for trying to help.
You did a nice thing.
[THE HORRORS' "STILL LIFE"]
The first frost is only surprising
when your garden's not prepared.
Under a sky no one sees ♪
Still life, you know I'm listening ♪
The moment that you ♪
So we add things like straw and bark
to shield plants from
dropping temperatures.
When you wake up, when you wake up ♪
We wrap shrubs in burlap to
protect against drying winds.
So what am I supposed to do here?
Fix her up and sell her for
an obscene amount of cash.
Now that's more like it.
I'm good ♪
But it won't be with me.
Waiting, it's happening ♪
The moment that you want is coming ♪
If you give it time ♪
When you wake up, when you wake up ♪
You will find me ♪
When you wake up, when you wake up ♪
But no matter what
you do to get ahead of it,
winter always comes.
- [DOOR CREAKS]
- Sorry, closing early today.
It'll be quick.
Uh, what do you need?
I have a problem.
All right.
There's this stump in my yard.
Well, can it wait?
I need to get out of here.
I've been trying to
get rid of it for years.
Aren't you guys going
to the gala tonight too?
You know, I thought
it would just rot away,
but it's still there.
Well, uh, stumps don't really do that.
Yeah, I need it gone, for good.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
This should get it done.
Gotta give it to you, man.
Really underestimated you.
I got fired today.
Just bring back the
axe when you're done.
[SCOFFS]
What's up?
Think we probably both know what's up.