Hart to Hart (1979) s01e08 Episode Script

This is my boss, Jonathan Hart.
A self-made millionaire.
He's quite a guy.
This is Mrs.
H.
She's gorgeous.
What a terrific lady! By the way, my name is Max.
I take care of them, which ain't easy 'cause their hobby is murder.
Well, the thing about California is there aren't any seasons.
-Don't you miss the snow? -Once in a while.
Until I remember how much time I used to spend shovelling it.
Yeah, but the thing is, it's always spring here.
"In the Spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love.
" Oh, Max.
You're sweet.
You make me feel that way.
That's the trouble with this generation.
What? They don't know how to take a walk in the park.
A ride in the park, a skate in the park, but no walks.
They don't know what they're missing.
Didn't you say you had to take the Harts somewhere this afternoon? -Right.
What time is it? -It's almost 2:00.
Yeah, we better get going.
You know, you're the first woman I ever met who made me wish I was retired.
I like you just the way you are.
Ain't it terrific us two perfect people met each other? Yes.
-Hi, Max.
Ready to go to the auction? -You bet, Mr.
H.
I was just looking through the catalogue.
That's where it went.
I thought Freeway buried it.
I'm sorry, Mrs.
H, but that's the first time I've ever seen one of those.
See anything you like? No, but I sure saw something that Charlotte would like.
Then we can assume that you and Miss Charlotte Fleming are serious? It's just plutonic.
Platonic, Max.
That, too.
But what it isn't, is serious.
What item is it? -Let's see, 105.
-105.
There.
"Gold drop earrings, circa 1860.
" -That means around 1860.
-Very pretty.
-What's the estimate? -I'll look it up.
$1oo to $3oo.
"$100 to $300.
" You know, for someone who's never seen an auction catalogue you sure learned how to read one fast.
Well, it's something like the racing form, only not so expensive in the long run.
Let's go.
You know, Mr.
H, if the way to a man's heart is through his stomach then the way to a woman's heart is on her ears.
Max, that is beautiful.
They just left.
You can bring the van up.
I'm going to open the gate.
-It's going to be a piece of cake.
-Let's go.
$4,4oo.
$4,5oo.
Do I have $4,600? $4,600.
$4,1oo.
$4,8oo.
Thank you, $4,800.
Do I hear $4,900? I have a $4,900.
Thank you very much.
Going once.
Going once at $4,900.
$5,000.
Do you like it? For a song and a dance, yes.
But for an arm and a leg, no, thank you.
I'm glad.
Because I like your arms and your legs the way they are.
What about the locks? Never mind the locks.
What about the alarm system? Why worry about locks and alarms when you have the keys? I think it was worth it.
Excuse me.
Good boy.
Easy, baby.
Good, good boy.
Good fellow.
Easy.
Good guy.
Good boy.
We will start the bidding on Item Number 104 at $5,000.
Do I have a bid for $5,000? Thank you very much.
This is the last of the silver.
The jewellery’s next.
-Patience, Max.
-I hope nobody outbids me.
-What's your limit? -$200.
That's 100 clams in here.
$5,5oo.
I have $5,500.
Do I have $5,600? $5,600 once, $5,600 twice, $5,600 three times.
Sold to the gentleman in the rear with Paddle Number 74.
We're moving along now to the jewellery lot.
However, before we open the bidding on that necklace I'd like you to note in your catalogues, please that Item Number 105, the gold drop earrings, has been withdrawn.
Thank you very much.
-We're going to start with a necklace.
-What happened? I didn't get a chance to get my paddle up.
Beats me, Max.
I'll ask Mr.
Springfield about it after the sale.
cut stones of one and three quarter carats fastened by three emerald-cut gems, three and three quarter carats.
Come on, you guys, we don't have that much time.
Ladies and gentlemen, that concludes the bidding for today.
Thank you for your attendance.
Those earrings would've looked great on Charlotte.
Well, I'll ask Mr.
Springfield what happened to them, Max.
Don't worry, Max, I'm sure you can find something else for her.
That's not the problem.
It's finding something I can afford.
Mrs.
Hart, Mr.
Hart.
-Mr.
Springfield.
-What happened to 105? Do you mean these? -That's them.
Those are the ones.
-The ones? Why weren't those up for auction? Well, occasionally an item is withdrawn when the owners have a change of heart.
And that's what happened to the earrings? Exactly.
However, in this case, the owners have called back and decided to let them go after all.
-You mean I can bid on them? -If you wish.
Who's going to bid against me? -Don't look at me, I'm on your side.
-Me, too, Max.
In that case I shall be forced to let you have them at the lowest estimate.
That would be $100.
Going, going, gone! Gee, ain't they gorgeous? Say, that was a pretty neat trick.
How did you manage that? -I just gave him the old fish-eye.
-The old fish-eye? How was that? -The fish-eye? -Yeah.
-I thought that was the leer.
-The leer is.
-That's good.
Now give me the fish-eye.
-The fish-eye? If Charlotte likes these earrings half as much as you two are gonna like her cooking tonight I'll be in like Flynn.
I'll call the police.
If they haven't taken the phones.
freeway? Here, boy.
Come on.
Stop.
It's a good puppy.
The baby.
You all right, Freeway? We're going to have to move this entire lot out of town.
As soon as we get this stuff up to San Francisco it's going to be worth a bundle.
Which brings me to the split.
No more 60-40.
-We're the ones who take all the risks.
-Not quite.
If the police find anything, they're going to find it here.
Fine, then we don't do business.
You think it's going to be that easy to find somebody else? I'm positive.
What's more, your replacement is going to be far more clever far more reliable, and far less greedy.
Quite frankly, I don't know why your partner puts up with you.
She merits something better, which would qualify practically anyone.
Let go of him.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Let go of him.
I said let go of him.
Stop! What's going on? Your partner's negotiating techniques leave a great deal to be desired.
Edgar, I told you to forget it.
Very wise, Charlotte.
How much do you think all of this is worth? I would estimate in the neighbourhood of $80,000.
is a pretty profitable neighbourhood.
You'll let us know when it's sold.
We'll be in touch.
Come on, Edgar.
As soon as we get back to the apartment I'm gonna figure out a way to get rid of him.
We're not getting rid of him.
Don't come back to the apartment.
Why not? Because I'm having Max over for dinner with the Harts.
We don't need him anymore.
Look, I've been seeing him every night for two weeks.
If I stop seeing him now they might get suspicious.
-What am I supposed to do? -Go to the movies.
And for goodness' sakes don't come wandering in until you're sure they're gone.
I think it's time we severed our connection with Mr.
Edgar.
See to it, will you? -Charlotte, that was a wonderful meal.
-It certainly was.
And your timing couldn't have been better.
-There's nothing left at your house? -Nothing.
Stripped cleaner than a Las Vegas dancer.
I must say, you two are taking it very well.
Well, it's all insured, and we can replace it.
I will miss some of the pieces, though.
We had so much fun collecting them.
Well, look at it this way, darling: Think of how much fun we'll have collecting the new ones.
I keep thinking I should've checked the alarms.
-Oh, Max.
-It wasn't your fault.
The police said it was working fine.
It had just been turned off.
Well, I hope they catch whoever it was that did it.
Here, Max.
Thanks.
-Max, I didn't know you smoked a pipe.
-I don't, never.
Those were my brother's.
He was by yesterday.
I didn't know you had a brother.
Well, we don't get along too well, but next time he's in town you'll meet him.
-Shall we? -Yes.
-Are you staying at a hotel? -No, we're going to rough it.
-I'm gonna help her with the dishes.
-It really was a pleasure.
See you back at the house.
Thank you for coming.
I'm so glad that you were finally here.
-Max has told me so much about you.
-It was a pleasure.
-Good night.
-Bye.
See you later, Max.
-Very nice people.
-You better believe it.
We're lucky they didn't clean out the garage.
You can say that again.
-We're lucky they didn't clean-- -Don't you dare.
Survival school was never like this.
If it would make you feel more comfortable I'll go outside, I'll collect some ants and some mosquitoes.
No, you don't have to collect any ants and mosquitoes.
I can do very well without them, thanks.
What are you laughing at? Do you remember that night we spent in a tree in Kenya? Yeah.
You know I tape recorded that? That whole thing.
-No kidding? -I did.
Do you want me to play it for you? It might put you in the mood.
Why don't you help out with this instead? Go on, Freeway.
Come here.
No hot air stories? No longwinded jokes? You've run out of material, huh? I've always tried not to be too obvious, you know? There.
What did you think about Charlotte? -You're amazing.
-What? How you manage to combine a question and a statement.
Unbelievable.
-What's bothering you? -Well, I'm not sure.
Give me a hint.
Well, I'm suspicious of whirlwind romances.
-We had a whirlwind romance.
-Yeah, but that was different.
How? Well, for one thing, I was doing the chasing.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
That's what you think.
Go on.
Well, that story about her brother.
If you had a relative and he was in town, wouldn't you invite him over to meet the man that you were involved with? Not necessarily.
Besides, she said that she was-- I know what she said but it sounded awful convenient.
It could also be true.
I hope so.
It's just.
Well, I worry about Max getting hurt, that's all.
What do you mean, you can't keep them? Max, they're beautiful.
And I love the thought.
Everything seems to be moving a little too fast, if you know what I mean.
No, I don't know what you mean.
Look, I've been around and some of it's been good and some of it's been not-so-good.
But all the not-so-good happened because I didn't take the time to think about what I was doing.
Charlotte, it ain't as if I was looking to get married.
Maybe not now but can you honestly say you haven't thought about it? No, I have.
So have I.
That's what I mean.
I think we both need some space.
The only space I need is one with you in it.
Give me a couple of days.
I'll call you.
Believe me, Max, it'll be better this way.
Here.
Why don't you keep them? They weren't engagement earrings or anything like that.
Please, you hold them for me, okay? In a couple of days? I'll call you, I promise.
-Edgar! -What? -You didn't let anyone see you, did you? -No, I waited until he was gone.
-Took you long to get rid of him.
-I like his company.
Come on, Charlotte.
He's a mark, dumb.
I wouldn't talk about dumb.
When are you gonna learn you cannot force Springfield to do anything? Maybe I can.
With this.
Will you leave well enough alone? And put that gun away.
-I'm going to talk to him again tomorrow.
-But without the gun, okay? Okay.
For now.
You know, I forgot how these things taste.
If we had some peanut butter, we could have some peanut butter and jelly.
If we only had some jelly.
They took the food, too? At today's prices, it might very well have been the most valuable thing in the house.
Hey, Max.
How did it go? How'd Charlotte like the earrings? She wouldn't take them.
She said she wanted time to think things over.
-What kind of things? -Her and me.
She said everything's going too fast for her.
Well, Max, sometimes it's better to take things slowly.
Listen, at my age, the only way I can take anything is slowly.
Good night.
Good night, Max.
Okay, Freeway.
I guess it is time to go to bed after all.
-You want a marshmallow? -No, I don't think so.
-Darling, look at this.
-What? Pipe tobacco.
Do you remember there was pipe tobacco in the ashtray in Charlotte's house? Please.
It could've come from any one of our guests.
Max cleaned the fireplace out yesterday.
Maybe it was from one of the guests that was here this afternoon while the house was being robbed.
What do I have to do to get your mind off the robbery and into the sleeping bag? You just did it.
-This isn't too bad, you know that, Mrs.
H? -I know, not bad at all, Mr.
H.
Freeway, what do I have to do to get rid of you for about an hour? Make it a half an hour.
-Coffee.
Where did you find coffee? -At the market.
Along with the juice, bread, and eggs.
That's what I love.
Man go out, get food.
-Man also cook.
-That's what I like most of all.
-Where did you find this? -That? That's a coffee pot I had when I was in college.
-Looks awful.
-Yeah, let me tell you something.
-It makes great coffee.
-I'll bet.
-Darling, isn't that sweet? -Yeah, I got that for you.
-Just because I love you.
-Well, here goes.
-It's good.
-What did I tell you? It's really good.
-What are you so chipper about? -You must've had terrific dreams, Max.
No, as a matter of fact, I didn't sleep a wink all night.
Then how come you're so perky? Well, I was twisting and turning until I figured it out.
Charlotte is scared.
She's never met anybody quite like me before.
I'll go along with that.
Then I remembered those immortal words: "Faint heart ne'er won fair lady.
" "To the victor belongs the spoils.
" "He who hesitates is lost.
" Bravo.
So I decided I'm gonna go right over there and sweep her off her feet.
This is exactly what I needed.
Boy, is this some lousy coffee.
Where do you think we should look first? We're going straight to Charlotte's apartment.
What makes you think he's at Charlotte's apartment? Because that's where he's been living.
Mr.
Springfield give any special instructions? Only one.
He wants Edgar dead.
-Let's go up and get him.
-Right.
Hello, Edgar.
-What do you guys want? -Mr.
Springfield would like to see you.
-Tell him I'll be down later.
-Not later.
Now.
Charlotte, you all right? Max.
Easy, Max.
Everything's gonna be fine.
What gives? Where the heck am I? You're in the hospital.
You got hit over the head and knocked out.
What kind of a hospital is it with chains on my ankles and bars on the window? You're in a prison ward, Max.
-They got you booked for murder.
-Murder? All I remember is that.
-Is Charlotte okay? -She's fine.
I didn't murder nobody.
Scout's word of honour.
What happened after you went to Charlotte's apartment? Do you remember? Nothing.
I saw stars.
That's it.
What about the man you supposedly murdered? You remember anything about that? Beats me.
I never saw him before in my life.
The police said they found your fingerprints on the gun.
Well, somebody else must have put them there.
Why isn't Charlotte with you? She's being questioned by the police.
-What's gonna happen, Mr.
H? -Everything's gonna be fine, Max.
-You just have to get better.
-What's gonna happen? I don't know, Max.
But I know nothing's gonna happen to you.
No, Frank Edgar was not what anyone would call one of nature's noblemen.
But he was entitled to the same rights as every other citizen is guaranteed: life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness.
Especially the life part.
Especially.
What do you mean by "not one of nature's noblemen"? Mr.
Edgar had been incarcerated twice in his career.
-He had a record? -As long as your proverbial arm.
The record wouldn't happen to have been for burglary? As a matter of fact, yes.
-Particularly houses? -No.
Rather the furniture in those houses.
We talked to police in New York and Miami.
It seems he specialized in the haunts of the very rich if I may coin a phrase.
Feel free.
Rather clever, I must say.
He never broke in, but somehow he was able to get by the alarm systems in those homes.
Then how did he get caught? The police were conducting a surveillance on the fences he was doing business with.
They just happened to be there when his moving van arrived.
Rather fortuitous circumstances.
-Nicely said.
-Thank you.
"Serendipity" was the way one of the policemen described it.
-Well, that's a good word, too.
-Yes, I think so.
Mr.
Mellon, did the police say that he had any accomplices? Of course.
Someone had to help him move the furniture.
No, I meant did someone help him get a set of keys for the alarm system? As I told you, they never learned who did it.
They did assume that both were inside jobs.
But what, may I ask, has this to do with the case against the man who killed him? Aren't you supposed to say allegedly killed him? Touché, Mrs.
Hart.
I stand corrected.
I also plan on correcting your alleged case.
This case is rock solid.
We have the motive, the opportunity, and we have the murder weapon.
But you have the wrong man, Mr.
Mellon.
She manages to get tight with Max gets some impressions made of his keys gives them to Edgar, who puts them to good use.
How do you think you're going to prove that? I wish I knew.
-Hear anything? -No.
Try it.
-I'll take a look in here.
-Right.
Her clothes are gone, but not her brother's.
And he was supposed to be the house guest.
Maybe he wasn't her brother at all.
You got any ideas on how we're supposed to tell Max without breaking his heart? No, I don't.
But we've got to tell him, and we've got to find her.
Yes, we can guarantee delivery some time early tomorrow.
In my estimate, it is around $80,000, but of course as always, that figure is negotiable.
Yes, I look forward to seeing you.
Goodbye.
I need a couple of hours to close up the gallery, and then we can be on our way.
I trust you gentlemen left no traces of yourselves at the scene of the murder? We called the cops from around the corner.
Then we stayed around until we saw them take the butler out in handcuffs.
They bought the whole damn thing.
This little scene has turned into a fiasco.
I'm certainly glad to be rid of Edgar.
He brought an entirely new meaning to the phrase "amateur night in Dixie.
" That guy sure can use the language, can't he? Boy, he sure can.
Hi.
Well, you guys are back sooner than I expected.
Max, something's come up, and we gotta talk to you.
You got a lead on the murder.
Terrific! Because the bars on these windows don't exactly cheer me up.
Well, we're only guessing.
Yes, we're not sure we can prove any of this.
Come on, I know you two.
When you're on the trail, the guy might as well be behind bars.
Who is he? It's not a he, Max.
A dame? You mean there's a dame in on it? -Working with Edgar.
-Who's Edgar? Edgar's the man you supposedly killed.
They were working together to make impressions of the keys they needed to get into the house.
Charlotte.
You're talking about Charlotte.
Yeah, we think so.
Oh, no.
I'm sorry, Max.
I can't tell you how sorry we both are.
All that stuff about her brother.
You two, when you look at each other that's the way I thought she looked at me.
What does she say about all this? -She disappeared.
-Gone.
That says something, doesn't it? Max, we've got to find her.
She may be the only way to clear you of the murder charge.
Did she ever mention to you anything about her relatives, where they might live? She said she lived in New York and Miami before she came out here.
-That proves it, doesn't it? -Proves what? There's no fool like an old fool.
Find it.
We will, Max.
We will.
It's not gonna help you, but here they are.
The effects of the late Frank Edgar.
I don't know why I'm letting you do this.
Neither of you are his lawyer.
"ls" his lawyer.
"Neither" is singular.
Besides, you are an officer of the court.
I'm sure you're as anxious to prove his innocence as to prove him guilty.
I'm paid to prosecute, not defend.
We'll make sure the District Attorney knows just how helpful you've been to us, won't we, darling? In fact, we'll tell him the next time he comes to dinner.
Dinner? Unless I see him at the golf club first.
-Golf club? -We belong to the same club.
It's really a very nice club.
You should join us there some time.
-Well, I'd like that very much.
-Good.
-It'd be our pleasure.
Do you play? -No, but-- Well then, Jonathan can teach you, won't you, darling? Yes.
Yes, I can, darling.
Thank you very much for your time.
Are you sure you don't want to look at the wallet? No, I'm sure Mr.
Mellon has looked through it thoroughly.
Thank you so very much.
-You're absolutely-- -Yes, I'm positive.
Thank you.
Well, I'm terribly sorry but we have to go.
What about that golf date? -We'll call you.
-Yes, we will call.
What was that all about? -Those stickers.
-What about them? They're the same ones that Donald Springfield uses on his auction items.
Let's get down there and see what he's got for resale.
Hello? Donald? Anybody here? Donald Springfield? Well, do you wanna have a look around? No time like the present.
Isn't that our living room? -Well, look what we've got here.
-Makes me feel right at home.
Hello, my pretties.
Hello.
It's Springfield.
I don't think that gun was up for auction.
-Who opened those doors? -I did, to check the inventory.
Well, close them up and let's get going.
See you in San Francisco.
I think we've just been put away for safekeeping.
I think we're on our way to San Francisco.
Oh, dear.
I'm not exactly dressed for the occasion.
I can hear it now: They've left the Harts in San Francisco.
Fasten your seatbelts, I think we're in for a bumpy evening.
This isn't going to last long.
We gotta get a flashlight.
There's one in the kitchen.
-Where is the kitchen? -I think we're in it.
-Getting hot in here.
-Tell me about it.
I could use a drink.
-There's some warm beer in the fridge.
-Thanks, but no thanks.
-Look at that.
-A trap door.
Hold this.
Where are the shells? Right there.
Get your head down! What's Springfield shooting at? -There's a man on top of the van.
-Well, get out there and get him.
You mind stopping at the nearest jail? -Mr.
Mellon.
-Mr.
Mellon, wait.
That's all right.
It's all right.
I'm glad you stopped by, I was going to call you.
It's not exactly a social visit.
You've got to get the police to pick up Charlotte Fleming.
-It isn't necessary.
-What do you mean, it isn't necessary? Jonathan, would you tell this man it's very necessary? Believe me, it is necessary that you pick up Miss Fleming.
I'm sorry, it isn't necessary.
She's the only one who can clear Max.
She was working with Edgar on the robberies.
Please, I know what you must be thinking but really, I'm really sorry.
But I was afraid of what Springfield might do to me.
When I realized that Max would go to jail if I didn't come back, I came back.
She's told us everything.
Well, I always knew that Max had an eye for class.
-What's with the wheelchair, Max? -They insist you ride in this.
They're afraid you might slip on a banana peel on the way out and sue the joint.
-Well, you look great, Max.
-I'll say.
Never felt better in my life.
-How's Freeway? -He never felt better in his life.
Yeah, he's waiting downstairs in the car for you.
-How's Charlotte? -She's all right, too.
When they let her off for cooperating with the police, she went back to her hometown.
-You know, she really was fond of you.
-I know.
But I'm not crying the blues.
I figure with women, if at first you don't succeed fail, fail, and fail again.
-Max, I.
-Here's someone I'd like you to meet.
Miss Cindy Rowland, Mr.
and Mrs.
Hart.
-Hello! -How do you do? Max has told me so much about you.
And I know we're going to be seeing a lot of each other.
You like my bracelet? Max gave it to me as a present.
The guy in the next room was in the jewellery business.