Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law (2000) s01e08 Episode Script
Deadomutt (2)
On the last episode of Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law: Everyone, l'd like you to all give a warm welcome to our newest partner.
No, wait a second.
He gets partner and l'm-- -He'd be lost without that dog.
-So kill it.
Kill the dog.
My God, Birdman.
What have you done? Hey there, fellas.
Harvey Birdman.
What do you mean, just make friends with them? l'm not sure l've ever seen a tattoo of a man riding a woman riding a motorcycle.
And when you do that, you can't see the motorcycle and she's riding.
Campari and soda.
Your call is very important to us.
Please continue to hold.
Message 307.
What are you doing here? You killed my friend.
My best friend.
But l am your attorney, and l'm going to do the best job l can for someone whose best friend was killed by you.
The last time l checked, l'm a lawyer, too.
And, well, l'll take the case! Jorge, you're not working it.
Anyone have a quarter for 23 pennies? Hello, what's your name? Smidgen.
There, that's better.
-Yes? -This is a collect phone call from Help! a prisoner in a California penal institution.
Yes, l'll accept.
Beautiful animal.
Magnificent rump.
Excuse me.
-What? -l'm in prison! Call Stan Freezoid.
Best criminal defense guy in the business.
l can't call him.
l don't have any change.
All right.
l'll bring it up at the 1 :00.
l'd like to talk to you about stud services! Freezoid, Zarog & Skon, please hold.
One last piece of business, and l know nobody wants to deal with it.
Secret Santa at the Christmas party: yes or no? Okay, but you know what that means: we'll have to give bonuses.
Harvey Birdman! He needs a good criminal defense attorney.
My prediction for the outcome of this trial: l'll leave it right here.
l hate surprises.
He's.
Party poops.
Have it your way.
You are the.
l'm a copy-machine service technician.
Do you want me to state my name? l already know! No, that's all right.
You can just sit down.
Can you identify this? lt's an electrostatic copy of.
What, is that a butt? Did you know each imprint is unique? No two are the same! Like a fingerprint.
How would you characterize this particular image? Objection! My darling this man has not been sworn as an expert in this field.
Yeah, that's sustained.
We're gonna sustain that.
-And you are? -A forensic pathologist.
-But your PhD was in.
-Butt prints.
You tell him, Joe! Nice job.
ln your expert opinion is there any conclusive way to tell who left the image which we'll call People's Buttprint 18? Only one l know.
Wing.
So do you do readings on the, you know, how's-your-mother? Your Honor, People's 14A, B, C, and D, marked, you'll notice in blue, red, salmon, and putty.
Can you tell us what they are? They're copies of the dog.
ln the copier.
And this one would be? God, that's his do-claw.
Are we going to ever cross-examine any of these witnesses? Or, here's a thought, call any of our own? You Americans and your logic.
lf it please the court, and l think it will l would like to call Larry Stenchik to the stand.
The Pope? As an expert, l feel qualified to say that whoever did this should pay dearly for his crime! He should pay dearly for his crime! He should pay! Pay! He must pay! Your Honor, l'd respectfully like to have a word with you in chambers.
Pay, pay! He must pay! Your Honor-- You wanna see some stuff l'm not supposed to show anyone? -About my representation-- -Hang on.
Rome Air 5433 l said heading 325 southwest, you disorganized ltalian! Hell.
l'll just do it.
Prego.
Go on.
l don't think Mr.
Falcone has my best interests-- Boring! Doofus! -There was a -''There was a'' -paper jam -''paper jam'' -see, and.
-''see, and.
'' The dog was trying to clear it, but he's klutzy.
That's the secret.
Go fast! Then he won't be able to keep up! Zombie guards! Seize him ! Tell me that's not fun to say.
Clear jam from tray three? Guess what? There was no tray three! You have 37 messages.
Phil? Harv.
Yep, l'm still here.
Yep, here.
ln jail.
What're you doing? See the man with the broken heart You'll see that he is sad So very, very-- Sad ls the verdict guilty or not guilty? He asks, knowing full well the answer.
We find the defendant not guilty.
Not.
Nope! l'm never wrong.
Guilty! Turn to your left.
Move your wing.
Turn to your right.
Wing.
Toes on the line.
Strip.
That's what l said.
Lights out! lf only we had a thing that could make us fly out of here.
Yeah.
Anything on the appeal? Pay! So that guy's the guard, right? And that's your special friend? What's the ''13 1 /2'' stand for? Twelve jurors, one judge.
Half a chance.
What about this one? Step off, homes.
l was just trying to talk about your tattoo! You wouldn't last two minutes in my world.
Dick and.
Jane.
Dear Birdhouse, l never thought this could happen to me.
Set this bird free! Wings up, Harvey.
Wings up.
Teeny, tiny angel, come down on your microscopic chariot and free him.
Surprise! Did you know? 'Cause l thought you were just playing.
You knew? You didn't know? You really didn't know? -Stop that! -lt's all this guy! Five years ago, he says, ''l've got an idea.
'' You should've seen the look on your face when l said, ''Guilty.
'' ''You wouldn't last two minutes in my world.
'' So, l've been in prison for five years, and it was all a practical joke? And l'm not going to be executed? Not on your birthday, silly.
Yeah, and we're not married! Oh.
English
No, wait a second.
He gets partner and l'm-- -He'd be lost without that dog.
-So kill it.
Kill the dog.
My God, Birdman.
What have you done? Hey there, fellas.
Harvey Birdman.
What do you mean, just make friends with them? l'm not sure l've ever seen a tattoo of a man riding a woman riding a motorcycle.
And when you do that, you can't see the motorcycle and she's riding.
Campari and soda.
Your call is very important to us.
Please continue to hold.
Message 307.
What are you doing here? You killed my friend.
My best friend.
But l am your attorney, and l'm going to do the best job l can for someone whose best friend was killed by you.
The last time l checked, l'm a lawyer, too.
And, well, l'll take the case! Jorge, you're not working it.
Anyone have a quarter for 23 pennies? Hello, what's your name? Smidgen.
There, that's better.
-Yes? -This is a collect phone call from Help! a prisoner in a California penal institution.
Yes, l'll accept.
Beautiful animal.
Magnificent rump.
Excuse me.
-What? -l'm in prison! Call Stan Freezoid.
Best criminal defense guy in the business.
l can't call him.
l don't have any change.
All right.
l'll bring it up at the 1 :00.
l'd like to talk to you about stud services! Freezoid, Zarog & Skon, please hold.
One last piece of business, and l know nobody wants to deal with it.
Secret Santa at the Christmas party: yes or no? Okay, but you know what that means: we'll have to give bonuses.
Harvey Birdman! He needs a good criminal defense attorney.
My prediction for the outcome of this trial: l'll leave it right here.
l hate surprises.
He's.
Party poops.
Have it your way.
You are the.
l'm a copy-machine service technician.
Do you want me to state my name? l already know! No, that's all right.
You can just sit down.
Can you identify this? lt's an electrostatic copy of.
What, is that a butt? Did you know each imprint is unique? No two are the same! Like a fingerprint.
How would you characterize this particular image? Objection! My darling this man has not been sworn as an expert in this field.
Yeah, that's sustained.
We're gonna sustain that.
-And you are? -A forensic pathologist.
-But your PhD was in.
-Butt prints.
You tell him, Joe! Nice job.
ln your expert opinion is there any conclusive way to tell who left the image which we'll call People's Buttprint 18? Only one l know.
Wing.
So do you do readings on the, you know, how's-your-mother? Your Honor, People's 14A, B, C, and D, marked, you'll notice in blue, red, salmon, and putty.
Can you tell us what they are? They're copies of the dog.
ln the copier.
And this one would be? God, that's his do-claw.
Are we going to ever cross-examine any of these witnesses? Or, here's a thought, call any of our own? You Americans and your logic.
lf it please the court, and l think it will l would like to call Larry Stenchik to the stand.
The Pope? As an expert, l feel qualified to say that whoever did this should pay dearly for his crime! He should pay dearly for his crime! He should pay! Pay! He must pay! Your Honor, l'd respectfully like to have a word with you in chambers.
Pay, pay! He must pay! Your Honor-- You wanna see some stuff l'm not supposed to show anyone? -About my representation-- -Hang on.
Rome Air 5433 l said heading 325 southwest, you disorganized ltalian! Hell.
l'll just do it.
Prego.
Go on.
l don't think Mr.
Falcone has my best interests-- Boring! Doofus! -There was a -''There was a'' -paper jam -''paper jam'' -see, and.
-''see, and.
'' The dog was trying to clear it, but he's klutzy.
That's the secret.
Go fast! Then he won't be able to keep up! Zombie guards! Seize him ! Tell me that's not fun to say.
Clear jam from tray three? Guess what? There was no tray three! You have 37 messages.
Phil? Harv.
Yep, l'm still here.
Yep, here.
ln jail.
What're you doing? See the man with the broken heart You'll see that he is sad So very, very-- Sad ls the verdict guilty or not guilty? He asks, knowing full well the answer.
We find the defendant not guilty.
Not.
Nope! l'm never wrong.
Guilty! Turn to your left.
Move your wing.
Turn to your right.
Wing.
Toes on the line.
Strip.
That's what l said.
Lights out! lf only we had a thing that could make us fly out of here.
Yeah.
Anything on the appeal? Pay! So that guy's the guard, right? And that's your special friend? What's the ''13 1 /2'' stand for? Twelve jurors, one judge.
Half a chance.
What about this one? Step off, homes.
l was just trying to talk about your tattoo! You wouldn't last two minutes in my world.
Dick and.
Jane.
Dear Birdhouse, l never thought this could happen to me.
Set this bird free! Wings up, Harvey.
Wings up.
Teeny, tiny angel, come down on your microscopic chariot and free him.
Surprise! Did you know? 'Cause l thought you were just playing.
You knew? You didn't know? You really didn't know? -Stop that! -lt's all this guy! Five years ago, he says, ''l've got an idea.
'' You should've seen the look on your face when l said, ''Guilty.
'' ''You wouldn't last two minutes in my world.
'' So, l've been in prison for five years, and it was all a practical joke? And l'm not going to be executed? Not on your birthday, silly.
Yeah, and we're not married! Oh.
English