Hollywood Darlings (2017) s01e08 Episode Script

Welcome to Worst Ever the podcast.
- I'm Christine Lakin.
- And I'm Alaa.
I am here with Beverley Mitchell and Jodie Sweetin.
Today's topic of the show is Worst Showbiz Stories.
I'll go.
I think I've got a pretty good one.
I actually went out for "7th Heaven" and I saw the casting assistant who didn't think I was right for the role and totally passed on me and my manager had to call and beg to get me back in to see the casting director and I almost wasn't Lucy Camden.
- Wow.
- That would've been tragic.
- Yeah.
- How did you ever survive? - Um - [laughs.]
God, let's see, uh I was like ten years old doing an appearance in Des Moines, Iowa, 10,000 people showed up.
It became a fire hazard so they had to cancel the event, smuggle me out in a cop car dressed as a boy, and there was no social media so I couldn't tell people why it was canceled and I just wound up looking like a dick.
Um, all right, well, I think I've got both you beat on this one.
Um, okay, so a couple years ago I had an audition for this FX show with Tracy Morgan and I shit my pants.
[clears throat.]
So there's 10,000 people in Des Moines? Yeah.
So, do you just sign a whole bunch of these ahead of time? Yeah, I like to get a jumpstart on it, you know? Really helps with the carpal tunnel - at the end of the day.
- Eh, that's true.
I'm really excited about Sit Con.
Sit Con's a new one and I like it - 'cause it's just all sitcoms.
- Yeah.
I think it's gonna be really fun.
Yeah, you know, if you do Comic Con, it's always like, people dressed up and they've got their, like, weapons.
At least with this one it's more like, people dress up like Kramer, you know? Right, like the whole cast of "Friends.
" Right.
All the different Jennifer Anistons.
- Yes.
- All the different hair styles.
- The different Rachel wigs.
- Mm-hmm.
[laughs.]
Sit Con is so fun.
It's where fans can meet their favorite sitcom stars.
Yeah, and sometimes people lose their shit.
Like, I remember people bawling when they got to meet the girls from "Sex and the City.
" Okay, in my defense that was a very moving panel.
I mean, I became a woman watching that show.
I don't wanna brag, but I am a Carrie.
These conventions can sometimes be a little crazy and a little much and there's a lot of people there.
So I got you some protection.
It's the strangest-looking condom I've ever seen.
No, not that kind of protection.
You know, like spiritual protection.
Don't get me wrong, it's beautiful and I love it and I love that you thought of me, but, it just I don't know, it's not my thing.
All right, I just think you need to be a little more open minded.
You don't know.
I am an incredibly open-minded person.
I just don't believe in the woo woo shit.
All right, whatever.
You guys are gonna have a blast.
- I'm bummed you can't go.
- I know.
I know.
I am too, but I'm really excited about my big meeting.
You know, to possibly have my own DIY show is kind of a dream come true.
I mean, I gave them the soft pitch, and they are super excited.
They love the idea of celebrities doing DIY projects - It's so perfect for you.
- I know.
It's gonna be amazing.
You have so many good ideas.
Like, you are the DIY Queen.
Oh, my gosh, thank you and I've got, like, a whole thing about, like, designing really cute kid's lunches where, like, I can make 'em into, like, animals so that they'd want to eat 'em.
Let me tell you.
That is a waste of your time.
Your kids will eat peanut butter and jelly, two apple slices, and a Capri Sun and they'll be fucking happy about it.
But it'll be in the shape of a Minion.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Okay, so here's a few ideas that I could do on the show.
The ones that I've actually done this at home.
So would you like to hear? - Yes.
- Sure.
Absolutely.
How about, uh, coffee cans into planters.
- Great, right? - Cute.
- Okay.
- Okay, practical.
Wine corks into a succulent wall garden.
- Ooh.
- Um, and how about oh, mason jars into snow globes.
Oh, my God I am totally feeling your DIY vibe.
We love your energy.
You'd fit right in.
We love you.
Yes, it's really quite charming.
- Oh.
- Here's the deal, though, um, what is working right now with all our test audiences - really is the, um, the duo.
- Yeah.
- So a pair.
- Oh, well, you know, I was just thinking it was really gonna be just my show, you know? I just thought we were just kinda sticking to what's right for me.
- Well, that's great.
- Totally get that.
- It's still gonna be your show.
- Yeah.
- It's your show.
- Okay.
[together.]
Just gonna bring in a little sidekick.
Hmm.
We met with Soleil Moon Frye yesterday and she is, like, totally on board.
- In it.
- Oh.
You guys kind of have the same vibe going on.
She's cool with, like, being on my show? - Oh, yeah.
- She said she would be honored - to be - She said that? - Yeah.
- Oh.
- Isn't that great? - I know.
That's, like, really Punky Brewster - I know.
- That's really cool.
So all we need to do now is we're gonna - set up a chemistry test.
- Yeah.
Just to see how you, you know, work together on camera.
Okay.
We're gonna have such a good time.
- Beverley Mitchell.
- DIY queen.
Yeah! - There you go.
- Thank you.
They had to cut off my ligament, - now the infection the puss - Ooh.
It's, like, bubbling up.
I just had to, like, squeeze it out in the bathroom.
Did you want a picture, or, uh Oh, no, no, no.
How rude.
I'm here to see Bronson Pinchot.
- Oh okay.
- Balki Bartokomous.
- Hilarious.
- Yeah.
How rude.
All right, dude, I need a catchphrase.
Seriously, I just talked to that guy with the puss in his ankle for, like, the last 20 minutes.
- Ew.
- Hey, hey! [laughs.]
- Oh, hey, Stephanie! - Hi! Oh, no, no, no.
- We just on that side.
- Okay, that's cool.
- Right over there.
- Oh, remember "Motown Philly"? - The dance you did? - I do Oh, and the hat! Remember it? Oh, I have the hat.
- I made it up.
- I learned how to do it.
Come on, we all know the dance.
We all know it.
Everybody knows it.
Come on.
Ow! [whooshes.]
That was a split in my head.
- Nice.
That was great.
- Thank you.
- No, that was really good.
- I watched it so many times.
- That's great.
- You've made my life okay.
It was terrible, but now it's great.
- Oh.
- Thank you! Look at you! You're pretty.
Okay, good-bye.
Thank you.
Oh, God, that was so strange.
So I have a great idea for an episode.
- Actually to have Kenzie on.
- Kenzie? Who's Kenzie? Yeah, she's my three-year-old daughter.
Oh, my she's so amazing.
- Oh, that'd be great.
- She made the most - thrilled to have you.
- I am so excited.
- Yes.
- Both: Hi! - Oh, it's so good to meet you.
- Soleil, Beverley.
- Beverley, Soleil.
- So nice to meet you.
It's such a pleasure.
I'm so excited.
- I'm such a fan of Seedling.
- Oh, and I love your blog.
Oh, my gosh.
This is gonna be so great.
- Oh! - So we're just gonna - Yes, yes, yes.
- We're just gonna, like, relax - and have fun? - Yes, we even have wine.
- Wow.
- It's like a night at home - with the girls.
- I love this.
- Oh, wow.
- A network that has wine.
- I know.
- Both: Wow.
Cheers.
- To us.
- Pull out all the stops.
We're just gonna start off with a little test of you introducing yourselves, introducing the show.
- Okay.
- Great.
And then we'll go from there.
How does that sound? - Okay.
- This is gonna be awesome.
- All right, have fun.
- I have such a good feeling.
- I do too.
I do too.
- Okay, good.
- Okay, cool.
- Which camera is mine? - You are gonna be right here.
- Okay, great.
- Awesome.
- Are you ladies ready? - Yeah.
- Ready.
- All right, camera.
- Good luck.
Cameras rolling.
And action.
Hi, everyone, I'm Soleil Moon Frye.
And I'm Beverley Mitchell and Both: Welcome to "Our DIY.
" Okay, you just literally hit me out of the shot.
It was your fi Your hand was in my face.
Well, you, like, knocked me out.
- Okay.
- Can I try it once more? - Let's do one more and then - Okay, one more.
Absolutely, it's all about All right, we're gonna do one more.
One more and action.
Hi, everyone, I'm Soleil Moon Frye.
And I'm Beverley Mitchell.
Both: Welcome to "Our DIY.
" We're gonna show you how to upcycle today.
- Grab those tools - [drill whirs.]
get messy and have fun in your house.
We're gonna do fun projects that you can find things that are in your house that you maybe are not - using anymore - We need more wine.
- Yeah.
- great things like a bench.
Like these two chairs.
You can put 'em in your entry way, and when you come inside your house you need to flop something down All right, let's go ahead and cut.
You guys are doing great.
- Oh, thanks.
- There's plenty of that.
- Okay.
- Casual.
- Want you to feel loose.
Free.
- Yeah.
Perfect.
- That's great.
- That's nice.
- Great.
- Yeah.
And action.
All right, you guys, so today my girlfriend Beverley is here with me so that we can show you how to make a whole outdoor area that you can hang out with your family and it's gonna be awesome.
We're gonna create this beautiful bench - using all of these reclaimed - And I'm so excited - that my friend Soleil here - You totally just jumped on my line.
I was just Thought you were talking a lot, so I was just trying to find my space.
Well, then let me just let you talk.
- Perfect.
- Oh, my God.
Why don't you go ahead and I'll just - put my hand on my drill.
- Okay, perfect.
We're taking these old chairs and we're repurposing them - into an amazing - [drill whirs.]
- We're repurposing them into - [drill whirs.]
[laughs.]
Isn't that cute? - Yeah.
- Do you like the drill? Yeah, but maybe wait till - I'm not talking.
- Okay.
What you guys are doing is perfect.
You could even, like, take it a little further.
- [chuckles.]
- Okay, awesome.
- Do you want me to start now? - Go right ahead.
Okay, perfect.
This is gonna be awesome! I'm gonna show you how to build a bench and there's nothing I love more than a power drill.
[drill whirs.]
Jodie, Christine, thank you so much - Oh, hi.
- for being a part of Sit Con - this year.
- Oh, thank you, Michelle.
- Absolutely.
- Listen, some of our sponsors are hosing a little after-hour party up in the suite, it'd be really wonderful - if you could be there.
- Absolutely.
No problem.
- Great.
Great.
- We'd love to.
- It's in room 503.
- Okay.
And my husband will be there and he's one of - your biggest fans.
- Ohh.
Glad I'll get to introduce you.
- Okay, great.
- Thank you.
Bye.
- We'll see you up there.
- Bye.
Thanks again.
I'm not going to that fucking party.
We have to go up there and at least say hello.
- No, we do not.
- Listen to me, you don't know what is up there waiting for you.
Once again, my friend, you are closing your world off to a new experience.
I think you just need to open your mind, relax, and we're just gonna go up there, we're gonna do a lap, all right? We're gonna say thank you and then we're gonna be out.
Okay, fine.
Fine.
- I'm opening my mind.
- Thank you.
For ten minutes and then it closes.
Okay? Well, this wouldn't exactly be my my choice, - but, you know - I brought my own.
You brought your own? Do you just keep it Yeah, well, I mean, as a lifestyle expert you bring your own when you come to do a DIY.
Uh, does anyone need a little more wine? - Yeah, we got more wine.
- Yeah, Jack, come on.
- Yes? Oh, good.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- All right, great.
Do you guys want me to keep going? - Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Oh, okay, perfect.
- Does this work here? - Perfect.
Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Okay, I'm gonna start - talking about the wood next.
- Perfect.
- Still rolling.
- Just keep going.
So I just want to take a moment to talk about my wood.
It's really personal because I actually - go down and I work with - [stifles laugh.]
- [laughing.]
- Fernando picking out - the best - Wood You go down.
- [laughing.]
- Yeah, I go down and work on the wood with Fernando.
- [laughing.]
- What is so funny? I'm sorry, I'm just really tired and that's really funny.
- Uh, what are you, 12? - [laughing.]
I know! So let me tell you about my wood.
- [Beverley continues laughing.]
- Knock knock.
- Who's there? - A grown up.
This is, like, not going anywhere.
- Don't worry, this is gold.
- For sure.
- Totally.
- Why don't we just give her a minute to sober up or some water maybe? I Trust me, this is just me just trying to "shurvive" the moment.
"Shurvive"? I mean, she just said - "shurvive.
" - I said "survive.
" No, I did not.
I said survive.
- Okay.
- You know what? Why don't we move on to paint? Okay, Bev, why don't you do the painting and I can walk them through the bullet points? - Does that work for you? - Yeah, totally works for me.
Okay, perfect.
So, it's super Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry that just happened.
I love a fixer upper and she is gonna be a great one.
Much better.
Thank you so much for being here this year, girls.
- Oh, yeah.
- This is a great event.
Yeah, you guys did a wonderful job with it.
I need to fanboy out on you for a moment.
- Oh, okay.
- [laughs.]
I watched "Full House" as a kid.
I watched you as Stephanie the middle child.
- Look at you! - Yeah.
It's so funny, you're the sweet, little girl from "Full House" to a little bit of "Fuller House.
" It's nice to see you as a grown woman.
- Yeah.
- Is that too much? - No, no, no, not at all.
- And you, too.
- Oh, my gosh, little Al.
- Yeah.
- Little tomboy.
- Yup.
- And now you're just a woman.
- Super feminine.
Super feminine.
It's like you can do anything.
- You go both ways.
- You know, I'm an actor, - so I'm versatile.
- Yes.
Oh, yeah.
[bad Irish accent.]
I can do an accent every now and then, - you know? - Both: Ooh.
I like role playing.
I know you do.
- Oh! - Oh, my gosh.
I just want to make sure you had the greatest time.
- Did you? - Oh, we did.
- Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
- Awesome.
[laughs.]
Why am I beating around the bush? We'd like to make you an offer.
$50,000 for an after party after the after party.
It's a bit of an orgy, really and we'd love to have you join us.
Um wow.
We are gonna go and chat about this.
- No, uh, not - 'Cause, yeah, I think it's - Great! - worth a conversation.
No, take your time.
Listen to your buddy.
I love the role playing.
Feel free to do the accent.
- Don't feel intimidated at all.
- Absolutely.
Come on, you.
Let's[clicks tongue.]
go.
- [laughs.]
- I think they're gonna Come on, let's go chat a little bit.
What the hell's going on? Seems like, I don't know, some sort of opportunity for a new experience.
Don't you think? You know, we came up here and now we've been asked to do something that we've never done before.
All right, I know what you're doing.
No, I do not need to go out there and have sex with a bunch of random people to know that I don't wanna be having sex in an orgy.
Oh, really? You told me that, you know, you can't really say that you don't like something - until you've tried it.
- Why are we still talking about this? This is crazy! You just keep dragging us further into the rabbit hole.
Or the whatever hole.
I don't wanna be in any holes! Okay? Thank you very much.
I'm leaving.
[groans.]
Okay! Pretty sure two people are fucking against the door.
We're just gonna have to wait a minute.
- Oh.
- Yeah, um - I guess - Okay.
This might take a while.
Think we can order room service? [exhales sharply.]
And cut.
That's a wrap.
Guys, this did not feel like what we talked about - in the rooms.
- We gotta go to a meeting.
- We'll be in touch.
- Are you guys able to just - at least be able to pick up the last part? - Are you guys really happy with this? - Could we just maybe do one more? - Great chemistry.
This was a disaster.
This was absolutely a nightmare.
- Horrible.
- This was terrible.
You totally ruined the vision of my show.
I ruined This was my show.
- I pitched this show.
- My show.
- This was supposed to be - You pitched this show? - my dream.
- I pitched this show.
We were fighting the whole time.
Unless that's what they wanted.
[chuckles.]
That's exactly what they wanted because you know what they did not want? A DIY show.
- They wanted a - Both: Reality show! - Of course.
- And Oh, God, - We went right into it.
- Right into it! [groans.]
I should've known with the wine! When I get stressed I just need a little wine to just calm it down and I'm so They wanted us to be at war with each other.
What are we gonna do? I don't know, but we need to so something.
They want drama? Let's give 'em drama.
[both laughing.]
- Hey.
- Ee! - I have a confession.
- Yes? I feel like I've kinda pushed you into experiencing new things a lot in our friendship.
I drag you to, like, the Juice and Poop and the meditation seminars.
I'm realizing that it's not fun to be forced to do things when you already know that it's not your deal.
Ironically, it took me being in an orgy to realize that, like, getting out of your comfort zone is not always a good thing, so my apologies.
I actually like sometimes that you, you know, drag me along on these crazy, little adventures.
But sometimes no means no.
Respect a woman's right to choose.
I get it, man.
I will lay off from now on.
Okay, all right.
Fine.
But, you know, it's kinda got me thinking, - hmm, 50 grand.
- Right? What would you do? Hmm I'd totally show my boobs.
Like that's that's a given.
Like Mardi Gras? Like, whoo! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just boobs, right? Yeah, why not? Just boobs.
Would you show beev? Yeah.
Like a Paris Hilton moment.
- Okay.
- But not the sex tape, the getting out of the car and flashing your vag.
Right.
[chuckles.]
How long we gonna be stuck in here? We've gotta fuckin' get out of here, okay? I say we open that door No matter what is happening on the other side of it, we just - head for the front exit.
- Okay.
All right? No looking back.
- [sighs.]
- Let's do this thing.
This orgy shit takes too long.
All right, take a deep breath.
[inhales deeply.]
Yeah, I don't wanna breathe anything in there.
- No.
- [inhales deeply.]
And we go.
- Like that? You like that? - Oh, yeah.
- That hair.
My hairy hands? - [moans.]
Oh, yes! - Oh, my God.
- Okay, just whatever you do, - just keep your eyes forward.
- Okay.
- Just keep them forward.
- Oh, fuck! - Oh, Chewie.
- It's like "Caligula" live.
- [woman moans loudly.]
- Oh, my God.
I'm so glad I wore closed-toe shoes.
Oh! Oh, wow, there's Okay.
So, um Oh, hey, girls! - "Step by Step" back here.
- Okay.
- Let's make a "Full House.
" - [both laugh.]
- Yeah, no.
- That's a clever pun, sir.
- Don't be shy.
- You tell 'em, baby.
Uh, we actually double booked.
You know, another - orgy across town, so - Yeah.
My assistant screwed up.
I apologize.
We'll definitely Yeah, definitely stay in tits Touch! Stay Stay in touch.
We gotta go now.
We gotta We gotta take off.
[moans.]
Bye, girls.
- I wanna be the pirate.
- I'll be the zookeeper.
- I agree with that.
Yeah.
- [moans.]
[both moaning.]
We need to put two celebs in a room that are really gonna duke it out.
- All right.
- You know? What do you think? - Hey, ladies, how's it going? - Hi.
Soleil, Beverley.
- You guys were great in there.
- Oh, it was fantastic.
Yeah.
We need to talk about that.
- What's up? - That's not what we no.
- Who we are.
- Absolutely not.
- We're America's sweethearts.
- People love us.
Like, we don't bicker.
We don't fight.
- Both: Ladies, ladies - Relax.
Yeah, that's just not us.
We did not mean to I mean, yes, we did kinda put you guys against each other, but We wanted to get the drama going.
- Yeah.
- Because that's what - our audiences love.
- We can't do this - We're loveable characters.
- The mean thing.
No, we are not mean spirited.
We don't like that energy.
- We're not horrible people.
- Don't worry.
Don't worry.
We gotta fill you in a little bit.
We are ready to green-light this show.
- Six episodes right now.
- Yeah.
But you gotta keep the drama.
We're gonna need Katsuya every Friday.
And for styling I'd love my good friend - Rachel Zoe to do the styling.
- Then I'm gonna need Estee Stanley if she's got Rachel.
- And for hair - Both: Jen Atkin! - We can share.
- Yeah, fine.
- Fine.
- Perfect.
And we're thinking more like 12 episodes - instead of six episodes.
- I really like that idea.
12 episodes.
12 episodes.
That's what I'm feeling.
If you wanna make a list of your requests - We'll take that upstairs.
- We can take it upstairs - and run it by our people.
- All right.
- And just remember it was - "Soleil and Bev Show!" "The Beverley and Soleil Show.
" All right, ladies, thank you so much.
We're gonna finish up our meeting.
- Yeah, great.
- Okay.
Thank you, you guys.
Bye! 12.
1-2.
- [scoffs.]
- Is it too early for a drink? [sighs.]
We're screwed.
- Hi, I'm Beverley - Hi, I'm Soleil Moon Frye - Hi, I'm Beverley Mitchell.
- And I'm So I'm sorry.
I'm getting excited.
- Yeah, okay.
- Hold on one second.
Yeah, actually, yeah, too.
Okay.
I am here with my very good friend This sounds fake, doesn't it? I do not feel safe with a staple gun - next to my body.
- Maybe you should go back - and pick out some fabrics.
- Do you have any more of this? - Wow! Wow! - I like clean, white I'm not gonna staple gun your body, although, - I'd like to at this point.
- Cut!