I Hate My Teenage Daughter s01e08 Episode Script

God, I hate waiting out in here Everybody think we are in trouble with the principal Why we got this meeting? Our girls didn't do anything Keep walking people Why are we here? Deanna isn't gonna doing us a favor.
She's hated me since high school.
She is never to like you until you let yourself go a little bit.
Sorry I'm late ladies.
Nikkie, look at you.
Just walking out the world, not caring about what people think.
You're an inspiration.
The hell how can I help you, ladies.
Oh, well.
Sophie and McKenzie have applied to U.
T.
sophomore program.
you know that college experience for high school students.
It's an excellent program.
Now, is McKenzie aware that it requires a minimum grade point average? If she passes her history final, she'll squeeze by Anyway the girls need a letter of recommendation from their principal.
Oh, they sure do.
Would you write the letter for them? Oh dear, I wish I could, but it's a very competitive program.
You're not the only parents who've asked me to recommend their children.
And those parents, donate money to the school, or volunteer at school functions, or I like them.
Oh come on, Deanna Sophie and McKenzie are really excited about this.
And it can open up a lot of scholarships opportunities for them.
So could you just Hello.
Listen, I don't want to talk about that right now.
I'm at a meeting.
No, it's not important, but it's a meeting.
Well do what you have to do.
I'm in a meeting.
Fine Then you go to hell! Where were we? Is everything all right? Just peachy.
Now, that was my husband, he's leaving me.
Would anyone like a water? I don't go to a lot of meetings but I'm guessing this one's over.
Thanks Annie.
Let's go, we don't want to be late for the movie.
I want to be late.
Gary stands up after every preview and give a thumbs up or a thumbs down.
The people needs to know.
- Hey.
- Hey Oh, hello.
Dude, the movie starts in 10 minutes.
That would take two.
Jake.
Aren't you gonna introduce me to your friend? She isn't my friend, she is my assistant.
Not that you're not my friend.
We have to keep it a professionnal thing.
You Matt, you've now made this uncomfortable for me Let me see if I can make this more comfortable I'm Matt.
I'm in a rock band Cool.
What are you called.
The frontier boys.
You should come and see me tonight.
I'd gave to you backstage Maybe introduce you to the lead singer.
That's me.
See, I actually don't think we have time for coffee.
I'll meet you back at the office.
Sure And I'll meet you backstage.
Really? Yeah, that's how it's done.
You cannot date her, Matt.
You always do this.
You date my assistants, then you dump them, then they quit, then I have to answer my phone in a female voice.
Please, stay away from Sienna.
I totally get what you're saying.
Just let me have this one.
Maybe one more.
Try to make that one a blonde.
Ok.
Heeey.
I just left the girls.
Sophie is helping McKenzie cram for the history final.
And I didn't have the heart to tell them we didn't get the recommendations from Deanna.
Too bad we can't ask the football coach.
That man is mesmerized by my backside.
Actually Humm I think we might figure out a way to get Deanna to write those letters.
I'm in, what are you thinking? Blackmail, kidnapping, I know she loves her chihuahua and my purse is pretty big I kind of invited her over your house tonight.
What? That's insane.
Let's just shot that dog into my purse and be done with it.
Look, Deanna is a real person going through the brutal pain of divorce, and as two women who have been trough that.
don't you think we should exploit that pain to our advantage.
I mean, maybe if we're nice to Deanna she'll write the recommendation letters for the girls.
Whoah That's sinister.
But why didn't you invited her over your house.
Cause god can see me there.
God can see you in my house too Oh, I don't think god goes over there, honey.
I still don't see why I have to study Last year I had a C just for writing I don't have to learn the white man history, at the bottom.
Come on you've got this.
Okay.
This is Gerald Ford.
He took over his presidency when Nixon had to resigned.
Who was Nixon? Nixon was the watergate guy.
Before that he was vice-president under Eisenhower.
And who was Eisenhopper.
Eisenhower, was president in the fifties.
He's this big hero from world war II.
Wait, World war II? That was real? For god's sake, McKenzie.
We watch saving private Ryan together.
We watch Harry Potter too.
Oh my god! What are trying to tell me? Deanna's going to be here any minute.
What if she judges me? She has been judging you for twenty-five years.
Yeah, but this is my safe place.
I nap on this couch.
I do my exercises in front of that TV.
This is the chair I sit in when I eat chili out of the silt cooker.
Oh, no! - She's here.
- Ok remember.
We just have to give Deanna a shoulder to cry on.
So we get those letters of recommendation.
And then we could kick her sorry ass to the curb.
Deanna! So nice to see you.
Come on in.
Thank you.
Hello Nikkie.
Don't you look confortable.
Thank you, or not.
So this is your house? This isn't what I pictured at all.
What did you picture? Kind of a 7-11 with sturdy chairs.
This is okay.
I gotta say I was very surprised to get your invitation.
Well, It's times like this when girlfriends gather around, right? I don't have any girlfriends.
What? What about your old cheerleading gang? Missie McGee, Tipper Hel, Amber Sloane? Missie stopped talking to me after I stole her boyfriend, ditto for Tipper and Amber got fat.
So Ugh.
So here we are.
Girl's night.
Any idea what it's supposed to happen next? I think we should drink some wine on an empty stomach.
Way ahead you, I donated blood on the way home.
They're a lot of good things about divorce.
You could sleep in the middle of the bed No more mother-in-laws.
You don't have to watch the Matrix anymore.
And you don't have to listen to someone explaining the Matrix to you anymore.
Oh! I get it.
I just don't like it.
Do you know what I missed after my divorce? Having sex every night.
Every night? God.
At the end we were only doing it on our anniversary.
And when when the cable went out.
And believe me, I got so good at fixing that cable Women hating sex, hilarious.
Also, "women be shopping!" You know another big thing about divorce? Instant weight loss.
I know the last time I lost weight this fast, was when I drank nothing but water and lemon juice, - for two weeks.
- I did that diet.
Near killed me.
But when I got out of the hospital, I could wear shorts.
Oh! Weight issues.
I hear you.
Sometimes I have two cheeseburger for dinner and the scale still drops in the morning.
"Women be dating!" Ok maybe I don't get what you guys are doing.
But even so, it is an adjustment living alone.
Last night, my backyard gate was just banging all night long.
My husband used to fix things like that for me.
I thought about calling him but I just keyed his car so I don't think he'd come.
Yeah, I'm lucky Garry still comes around here to fix things.
If you want to I can ask him to take a look at your gate.
- You'll do that for me? - Absolutely! That's what friends do.
We help each other out.
And maybe someday, you can help us when we need something.
Nikkie, can you think of any thing we might need? More wine? Maybe some subtlety? I really appreciate you having me over.
This is exactly what I needed.
And I know I haven't always been nice to you over past three decades.
And I'm sincerely sorry.
I just didn't know you.
You didn't know how long I waited to hear that.
Bring it over here.
"Women be bonding!" Are you kidding me? I specifically ask him not to hit on her and he brings her to the one place he knows I'll be.
You think that weird? I'm his ex-wife I used to think that only men get aroused by awkward situations.
And just as we get off stage, Willy Nelson walks out of the dressing room and he says "Nice set!" "You boys have a light for this fatty?" He was the Willy Nelson of the homeless men.
And it wasn't a fatty, it was a crack pipe And he was covered in blood.
- Sienna, will you give us a moment? - Sure.
So, you did it anyway, ah? Knowing how I felt.
What about how I feel? I think Vienna could be The One.
Her name is Sienna! - And I forbid you to see her again.
- You forbid me? Dude, you have no right to tell me who I can and can't date - Its none of your bussiness.
- She's my assistant! At my bussiness! It is literally my bussiness! Now, all I can think of is doing it in your office Annie, you'll won't believe it! Deanna called me, we got mani-pedis! You and Deanna, ah? "Women be not inviting Annie!" We didn't invite you because we knew you'd be working! Nikki, we're supposed to be using Deanna to get letters of recomendation but it seems that you're just getting a new friend.
Well, she'll could use a friend right now, and honestly she's not that bad Nikki, don't get sucked into this! She is an evil woman! She's not your friend! You know, evil people act nice sometimes That's how they breed and make more evil people! Can't believe this! You're jelous! And you are the former fat girl who is trying to suck up to the ex exec cheerleader! How dare you use my past against me! And I'm not trying to suck up, I have successfully sucked up! Okay, let's do this again from the begining Now, who was Gerald Ford? Oh my god! okay, we've been doing this for hours and you keep saying the same things, over and over again until I can't think of anything else! - Thats what studying is! - It can't be healthy! What is wrong with you? Don't you want to get into this program? Of course I do, that's why I asked you to help me, But frankly, you're not doing a very good job Well, its pretty hard to do a good job when you don't care about anything.
I do care, but you're just another teacher That doesn't know how to reach me because I learn differently.
You don't learn differently, you don't learn, period! And whose fault is that? You know? congratulations, Sophie.
I've just slipped through the cracks! - Hey, girlfriend.
- Hey, girlfriend.
If you're looking for Nikki, she's not here.
Oh, I've just came to drop off these letters of recomendation For Sophie and MacKenzie.
- Oh! you wrote those? - Sure did.
Went home after school, had a few glasses of wine And thought "I'll get to it" Oh, you may want to spell-check, couple of times I might have called your daughter "Sofa" Oh, and I called the head of the program and put in a good word for them, too.
Wow! that is so nice! And, I mean this in the best possible way, completely out of character! Well, you both were so nice to me last night, I wanted to say thank you.
You know what, Deanna? You're OK.
You're not so bad yourself.
Little too high and tight in the cabooze for me, but not bad.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Oh, Deanna, Nikki told me about your broken gate.
I can stop by tonight and fix it for you.
Oh, I'd appreciate that, thank you.
Just a heads up: No idea what I'm doing.
He seems nice, what's his story? Gary? Good guy, good dad, hates cats, think is a lutheran Well, I better get going, my phone is not gonna call my ex husband and hung up by itself Just don't know why Matt does these Because he can! I'd dig Vienna if I could too! Her name is Sienna.
Are you sure? That's not what Matt calls her.
You know what I should do? I should start dating someone close to him.
Show him how that feels.
This hot roadie with the long hair has rocking body You mean, Jonathan? - Oh dear - Like Annie.
- Oh, dear! - Yeah! I mean, why not, right? Yeah, and we both know that the only reason Why you'd go out with her is to get back at Matt Yeah, of course! No other reason! I mean, come on! please! You know, what will really bug him? If you where to take her to that little french bistro, where you sit down by the fireplace, Or maybe go in a moonlight carriage ride by the lake See how he likes that - He will not like that.
- And to really twist the knife, At the end of the evening, take her hand, gently Like you're trapping a butterfly.
- What's going on, Gary? - I don't know Is like I'm the best friend in a romantic comedy.
Hey Look, I know you're annoyed with me right now, But I've just wanted to came over and let you know that Deanna wrote these letters.
"MacKenzie is a curious young lady "Whose zeal for knowledge is only match by her compassion for others.
" Wow! What a load of crap! I know! mine is full of lies too, I love it! Listen Nikki, I own you an apology, I was kind of jealous of you an Deanna being friends.
I know you where, honey.
And believe me, If you'd have gone out with Deanna alone, I'd probably drive my car into your living room.
You know?, I was wrong about her! Lesson learned, uh? Don't judge a book by the firs Forty chapters.
I mean, she was so sweet when she came to the coffee house.
I told you! What at all did you two talk about? You know, she just talk about how great we were, and - Asked about what Gary story was, - Wait, wait, what about Gary? Nothing.
She just asked what his deal was.
Wait Annie, you just changed it! Annie, this is important! Did she ask what's his story, or what's his deal? - Story.
- Oh my God! Come in.
Hey, Deanna.
I'm here to fix the gate.
Oh, wonderful! My gate is in need of some fixing! Right.
That's what I've just said, I'm here to fix the gate.
Lets not worry so much about that.
There is a lot of things in this house that need attention.
- You know what I'm saying? - No I do not.
I'm here just to fix your gate and go home, "Parenthood" is on tonight.
Gary, do we really care about the gate anymore? Lady, I never cared about your gate.
Wow, Deanna! I can't believe you're really doing this.
Doing what? I don't think she really wants me fix her gate Oh, she really wants you to fix her gate allright.
See? you're saying it weird too.
That's what I like about "Parenthood".
When people talk, I understand them.
What is wrong with you? going after Nikki's ex! You are an evil, conniving Annie, stop I've got this one.
Deanna, why did you do this to me? You are unbelievable! I befriend you in your time of need and you go after my ex-husband? That is really hurtful! Girlfriends don't do that to each other! Oh, stop being so high and mighty, You're only being nice to me for your recomendations for your daughters And I'm fine with that, because that is what girlfriends do.
They screw each other over and then come back together and pretend it never happened.
Now, who wants wine? Wow! You really don't know what its like to have a girlfriend, do you? You know, in high school I wanted to be part of your friends group so bad.
You'd dress alike, laugh at the same things mostly me.
But you weren't really friends, Because you don't know how to do that.
You know, I rather be friends with a loser like Annie Than someone like you.
Hey, I know that is your big moment, but I'm catching A little friendly fire back here.
So I hit on your ex.
Get over it.
Nothing happened.
His head is as thick as your ankles.
You know? that didn't hurt me at all.
I just feel sorry for you.
Good bye, Deanna.
I wish you nothing but the best.
Yeah we just want you to be happy.
Hey I've heard we've got those recomendations.
Yeah not that it matters.
I'm not going to the program.
You're gonna flunk the test and, honestly, I don't wanna go without you.
Who am I gonna make questionable decisions with? - We're a team.
- Yeah, we are a team.
Is like Gerald Ford and Nelson Rockefeller.
Wait, who is Nelson Rockefeller? Vice-president during ford's adminastration - Can't believe you studied it! - Yeah, all day, And I learned a lot of stupid stuff too.
Did you know that Nixon was the first president to open up trade with China? Oh, my God, I've created a monster! And you will never believe what I learned about Hosenhopper.
Okey, now is your chance.
Annie is all alone, go ask her out.
Yeah.
Ok, I'm gonna do it.
Just to teach Matt a lesson.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, teaching Matt a lesson, go! Be poetic.
Listen, I know this is gonna sound a little weird, Ah, but Hey, Jack, I need to talk you about Sienna.
No, no, don't worry about it, I figured out a good solution.
No, man, you were totally right.
So, I've broken out with her.
What? Why! Well, I thought about it and it's not okay for me to get mixed up in your life! No, no, no, I've changed my mind, is totally fine! No, its not.
You're my brother.
I don't want anything to come between us.
Oh! Like anything ever could!