iCarly (2021) s01e08 Episode Script

1 Oh, here it comes.
Here it comes.
The comet, it's coming right for us! No! That was the comet, not me.
I'm gonna go find Pluto.
Now that it's no longer a planet, I bet it's all sad that it's not relevant, like Kanye.
Come on, Freddie, you got to try it.
You can actually go to space without having to talk to Elon Musk.
I'm too sad for space.
Space is all I'm gonna have this next week.
He always gets like this when I stay with my mom for a little while.
Which I get.
I'm the brightest star in his universe.
Why's Gwen in town? I thought she was in Zanzibar for the next two months marine biology-ing.
Underwater with her fellow sea monsters.
Thanks for having my back, Carly, but it's been a year.
Gwen and I are in a good place.
I'm over the divorce.
Really? It would take me a lot longer to get over a gorgeous marine biologist that travels the world and has eyes that just see you.
And I'm less over it.
Gwen's in town because Millicent's drama club is doing Shakespeare scenes; she's Juliet.
Oh, from what play? Hark! Is there a little thespian in here who misses her mommy? Me! Oh, you said "thespian".
Oh, I love you so much, but you smell absolutely disgusting.
It's probably just the stench of regret over dumping Freddie.
Hello, Gwendolyn.
I see you're still trying to make cargo pants happen.
Look who's talking, crop-top.
What you're smelling is a mélange of sea turtle afterbirth, 24 hours of middle-seat flights, and three layovers just to get to you.
Aka the stink of love.
Which I would have washed off, but a pipe burst in my apartment, so we need to find a place to - Stay with me.
- Oh Freddie, are you sure? Hmm? Oh, yeah, you'd be there, too.
Of course.
Millicent already has her own room, and we have an air mattress.
That I will apparently be sleeping on.
Yeah, and you can go take a shower.
I love this for us.
But really, go shower now.
I'll walk you out.
You've been here long enough anyway.
It's so good to see you.
When can we stop pretending to hate each other? Never.
I've been doing it since the divorce.
Honestly, I kind of love it, though.
It's like we're secret agents that get blow-outs together.
Choo! Choo! Ha.
Harper, I didn't know you liked pool.
I don't.
Disgusting little game.
I only learned so I could ruin Spencer's life.
Oh, no! What are you doing? I'm trying to take a shot here! I mean, what's the matter, young child? The person who was supposed to design the costumes for my Shakespeare performance dropped out.
That's terrible.
Costumes are the most important part of any show.
Of course you know that.
Clothes are your thing.
I mean, look at you right now.
Girl has taste.
If only you could design the costumes.
Ooh.
Oh, come on, Harper.
Volunteer is the right thing to do.
I believe the children are our future.
Calm down, Whitney.
I'll do it.
Mm-hmm.
Pull those strings, my little puppet master.
You know what's really horrible? Our set designer also dropped out.
What?! The set is the most important part of any show.
Of course you know that.
Set design requires a true artist.
Like you.
And look at this place.
Boy has taste.
I hear the trap, but I'm too flattered not to fall in it.
I'll do it.
Ugh! Great.
I'm gonna go upstairs and call Mrs.
Decker, my drama teacher.
Oh, and by the way, the volunteer who does the most impressive work always gets a prize.
Prize? Wow, this place brings back so many memories.
And so many rules.
Yep.
No laughter after 9:00 p.
m.
Ah.
Is it weird to say that I miss her anti-tick shampoo? Aw It's the locket with Millicent's baby pics before she grew into her giant head.
"Gwen and Freddie"? Why is she wearing this? And why am I talking to myself? Hmm.
Lots of questions.
This is a disgusting little game.
Mm-hmm, thank you.
Huge news! My costumes are about to be even more incredible, because the museum of velvet is understandably going out of business and donating everything to me.
Huger news: uh, my brain is donating an amazing idea to me.
The set should be full marble and sandstone.
Booyah! Should someone check on Carly and Gwen to make sure they haven't killed each other? What am I saying? Gwen would destroy her.
You letting her stay at your place? Very evolved.
I didn't expect that from you.
We're co-parenting, so we've learned to be good around each other.
But seeing her again does make me miss Aw, it's too embarrassing.
Ooh.
Dish.
Actually, it is a dish.
She used to make these unbelievable enchiladas.
- Mmm.
- It was her specialty.
- Gwenchiladas.
- Oh - They're that good? - Yes.
That is why I miss Gwen.
It's hard to admit, but sometimes I lie awake at night imagining what it would be like to have that again.
Honestly, just talking about it makes me crave it even more.
I know it's bad for my heart, but I still want it.
Sounds pretty cheesy.
Why don't you just say how you feel and ask her to recreate the magic? I've hinted at it, but she says it's really complicated, and I don't want to pressure her.
Hey.
Where's my mom? Wasting Freddie's water, taking a shower.
I mean, the landlord pays for the water, but still, the Earth suffers.
Drop the act.
I know you're friends.
Hey.
When you guys chat, does she ever mention any divorced person she's romantically interested in? You mean Freddie? Why do you ask? Because I just overheard him talking about how much he misses my mom.
So weird, right? Yeah.
Very weird.
You know something.
Nuh-uh.
My baby locket.
Don't open it.
Whoa.
Do you think they want to get back together? Aw, who cares? I'm getting them back together whether they want to or not.
We shouldn't interfere.
Unless we should.
No, we don't want to manipulate them.
Unless we do.
- You make good points.
- Yep.
So, you're hooking up two people who already gave it a shot and got divorced? You're like the worst dating app ever.
Worse than the one you tried for people who look like celebrities? Doppelbanger? Michael B.
Jordan.
More like Michael B.
Ugly.
But making Ethiopian food to recreate their first date? Why are you working so hard on this parent trap? It's not a parent trap.
It's a parent suggestion.
- Mm.
- Gwen's back at her apartment dealing with the whole burst pipe situation.
She thinks after that she's gonna have a relaxing evening with her daughter.
But I guess the joke's on her, huh? Exactly.
'Cause Millicent's gonna come to our place for a sleepover.
I just know how devastated Freddie was When Gwen left.
If there's a chance she wants him back, the least I could do is put them alone in a room together.
Alone? Aren't you forgetting about someone? No.
I remembered.
Who's ready for a slumber party? And look, I had a puzzle made of Freddie doing a puzzle.
Nifty, huh? I told myself I have to finish tonight, or something horrible would happen to him.
Okay, I'm sleeping at Michael B.
Ugly's house tonight.
Wow, Mrs.
B.
, that was a really fun game of Befriend, Marry, Scold.
Thank you.
You know, girls, this may surprise you, but I have never been asked to a sleepover.
What?! Millicent, can you believe that? I cannot.
It seems impossible that that is possible.
Puzzle time! I separated the pieces into several piles: freckles, dimples and skin tags.
I don't see any pieces with facial stubble.
I know.
I had them photoshopped smooth.
Ah! Puzzle piece cut! Not to worry I have miles of gauze.
BRB.
Good thing I brought my mini first aid kit.
Ugh! This better be worth it.
I was gonna read a book tonight.
Magazine.
On your phone.
Probably the audio version.
It's still words.
Trust me, we got this.
Oh, my God.
Do you have a date? Is she here right now? Yup.
Apparently, she's you.
What? Oh.
"Dear parental units, wanted to give you some alone time to reminisce about the good old days.
Enjoy dinner in each other's company.
- Love, your little miracle".
- Mm.
"Alone time"? Why would she even Ethiopian food.
She's recreating our first date.
Not exactly.
You don't have that stupid soul patch.
And you got rid of that terrible eyebrow ring.
Not by choice.
I was on a dive, and a barracuda bit it off.
- Nah, yeah, it was super cute.
- Mm-hmm.
So, she's trying to set us up.
This is awkward.
Actually, it's perfect.
There's something I've been meaning to tell you.
Okay, shoot.
I'll say this, your dad has lovely pores.
Why are we doing this puzzle when we could be spying on my parents? I know.
It's killing me.
Dare we take a sneak peek? Oh, we dare.
Oh, good, you're already here.
I need to measure the circumference of your head.
It's a very normal size.
- Hmm, that's not what this tape measurer says.
- Hey.
I'm making hats for everyone in the play.
Or you can go ahead and tell them to give me the prize now, that's cool.
Thanks, okay.
- Come on.
- Aah! - What ? - Life-changing announcement! That prize is mine.
The sandstone I was gonna use is too heavy, so I'm switching to a lighter medium.
Toast.
It looks like stones, but it's light and easy to move.
Ring, ring, ring! Uh, hello? Creativity Monthly? Why, yes, I will be on your cover! Click! "Toast"? You can't build a set out of toast.
Not the time to ask for details from the weirdos.
Is what I would say on opposite day.
Toast is great.
Go toast! Bye.
Hey, where are you two going? It's time to "puzz" it up, and I'm down a finger! Spencer will help you.
He's the best at puzzles.
Isn't that right, Harper? He's the best at nothing.
Yeah, I already got one of Freddie's weird eyes.
I found his cowlick! I found his cowlick! After Millicent's father passed away, I never thought I'd meet someone who loved her as much as me.
Mmm, "as much as I do".
I see why you divorced me.
Well now it's time for me to divorce somebody else.
Wait, that came out weird.
Uh I'm seeing someone.
No! I'm just kidding.
Honestly, I'm-I'm happy for you.
Thanks.
It's working.
We both knew this was bound to happen.
We knew, too, we knew, too.
- The only part I'm worried about is Millicent.
- Mm.
Maybe this is just too much for her.
I wish I had a way to know how she's gonna react.
Well, should we go talk to her right now? No, I need to gauge her moods over the next week.
Maybe even over the next year.
Aw, you're such a planner.
This is why I fell in love with you.
Me thinks I can speed this process along.
I must away.
Hey, guys.
Harper, I thought you'd be wearing a costume.
I know you love a Ren fair wench moment.
Hmm.
Mrs.
Decker said it would "steal focus from the children".
Because my costumes are too good.
Really? She didn't say anything about my sets.
- Aw.
- 'Cause she was speechless! Okay, I'm gonna go find our little star.
- Who? - Who? Millicent.
The entire reason we're all here.
- Right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, that's why I'm here.
Oh, program, Mrs.
Benson? Inside is a QR code you can scan with your phone to vote for which aspect of the show you like the best the sets or the costumes! But why wait till after the show to fill it out? Just turn down your phone's brightness and do it during the boring parts.
My flip phone doesn't have brightness or a camera.
Now hand me my program, I like to plan my pee breaks.
Mr.
Spencer, we have a problem with the set.
Apparently it's Falling apart.
I'm not surprised your sets are crummy.
'Cause they're toast.
Oh, are you playing a court jester? 'Cause this is serious! Don't worry.
I'll fix it.
I'm gonna need some peanut butter, stat! To stick the toast together? I was just hungry, but that's a great idea! Move it! Ah, there you are.
I can't believe you're gonna do a grand romantic gesture after your scene.
Do you want to run through what you're gonna say? Oh, sure, I'll say something like, "Thank you for that thunderous applause.
A standing O? That's unexpected".
Okay, rein it in, Meryl.
Get to the part about your parents.
Oh, right.
"This scene was dedicated to two star-crossed lovers.
My loving parents Freddie and Gwen.
You've managed to do what Romeo and Juliet never could.
I'm so happy you two are getting back together".
Wow.
That is really effective.
You know what, bring it in, little sis.
Don't push it.
- So I was thinking.
- Hmm? Sea turtles never worry about telling their kids anything.
They just bury their eggs in the sand and run away forever.
You think that could work in this situation? - Probably.
- Okay.
Hey, Freddie.
Gwen.
What are you guys talking about? We're trying to figure out how to have a talk with Millicent.
Oh, really? What's the topic of conversation? Well, it's kind of personal, but I already know what it is.
Are you proud of me? I'm proud of me.
Wait, you know about Ernie? Wait, what? Who's Ernie? He's Gwen's new boyfriend.
And don't worry about it, Carly, I'm fine.
She told me about him over dinner.
You have a boyfriend and you didn't tell me? But we're friends.
Whoa! Wait, hold up.
You guys are friends? Since when? Since always.
I just didn't want to hurt your feelings.
Why would I be hurt? Remember a few months ago when I told you I was visiting my dad in Italy? - Yeah.
- Zanzibar.
Did she let you swim with the turtles? Ate right out of my hand.
Oh! Yeah, okay this hurts.
Wait, if you're dating some guy named Ernie, then why was Freddie's picture in your locket? It's a present for Millicent to help break the news.
I put pictures of Freddie and me in it, so she'd always have both of us close to her heart.
Oh, my God, Millicent! I-I got to go.
Excuse me.
Sorry! Excuse me.
Hear ye, hear ye and welcome.
Our first scene is in fair Verona.
If your child has a peanut allergy, please avoid this area or there will be much ado about anaphylactic shock.
And now Romeo and Juliet.
O Romeo! Romeo! Wherefore art thou, Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name.
What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet Psst! Don't do it! At the end! Romeo, doff thy name, and for that name which is no part of thee, take all myself.
Oh, no.
This can't be good.
Shh! My granddaughter is acting.
Hear ye, hear ye! I cometh from the future.
That is why forth I hath this strange outfit.
Uh-huh.
Thou art not the man I was expecting.
I bring news, my fairest Juliet.
You know that plan-eth thou haveth when thy scene is doneth? Don't do it eth.
Just tell me what news thou hast for me, annoying traveler! Your mom and Freddie aren't getting back together.
- Wha ? - What? Ooh! Uh, five-second rule.
Oh, okay, we're going to take a short intermission.
Close the curtains, close the curtains.
I can't believe nobody voted in our QR poll.
Yeah.
'Cause the QR code you made is just a link to the IHOP menu! I want that prize! I'm not supposed to say anything, but Millicent told me it's a companion falcon for my main man Jericho.
What?! She told me it was the Alexander McQueen armadillo boots Lady Gaga wore in her groundbreaking music video "Bad Romance".
Just spitballing here, but you don't think Millicent just made up the prize, knowing how competitive we get, so that we'd drop everything and do stuff for her children's drama club, do you? - No.
- Nah.
- Actually, that totally checks out.
- Yeah.
Mr.
Spencer, Ms.
Harper, the principal would like to see you.
- Oh, no, we're in trouble.
- You're in trouble.
- I bet you I'm gonna get those boots! - No, no, no.
I love it.
Thank you.
You sure you're not upset that we're not getting back together? A little.
I mean who wouldn't want their family back together? See, that's the thing we may not live together, but we're still a family and we're always gonna be.
I do like having two Christmases and birthdays.
Wait.
If both of you marry other people, then get divorced again, would that mean that I get four Christmases and birthdays? Is there a reality show that can speed this up? Looks like all of Millicent's scheming that I had very little to do with was worth it.
Carly, there you are.
I had so much fun at our sleepover that I don't think I can sleep tonight, not without another long hang.
Just us chicas.
I'll be by later with my first aid kit and some homemade dental floss.
See you then.
- We're winners - Winners - Winners.
- What's with the blue ribbons? Oh, it's a participation ribbon.
Everybody gets one.
Including me.
That's it? That's the prize? It's a public school.
There's no budget for prizes.
I'm shocked there was even a play.
These ribbons weren't the only prize, Fredd-o.
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm not sure how it happened, but Harper and I have been appointed co-chairs of the PTA.
Yeah! The Parent Teacher Association? - Yeah! - Yep! For parents and teachers.
Right? Of which you are neither.
You got it! Amazing! The school was desperate.
No one else volunteered.
Ms.
Carly? The principal would like to see you next.
Oh, of course, Olive.
Did I get a cool blue ribbon, too? No.
You ruined the play.
You're in big trouble, young lady.