Kitchen Confidential (2005) s01e08 Episode Script

I'm a fully heterosexual guy, let me be clear.
But when you work in two square feet of space with the same guy for a long enough time, your relationship takes on a ballet-like quality.
I've worked with Teddy on and off for over ten years.
Not only is he the best fish guy in the business, but he breaks me up.
Hey, Teddy! I heard you and Jim's mom have been going out pretty hard.
Last night, Jim's mom and I had a really romantic dinner, and when I walked her home, we kissed.
Very so tenderly.
- That's so hot! But we were soon so overcome with passion, that we jumped to Connecticut and checked in to a B and B.
Let's just say that Teddy had a little muffin before breakfast.
He is the fish guy.
You may think talking smack about a guy's mom is over the line, but when you work in a kitchen, there is no line.
And as long as the food turns out looking like this: I don't give a rat's ass what they do.
You promise to call me this time? - I promise I'll try.
Thanks for the lender, Iqbal Each time you get it closer.
Doctor Goldfarb is doing surgery in ten minutes I'm sorry, mate.
How can I make it up to you? Just make sure I have my dinner at 5 PM.
There is Crusted YellowFin Tuna.
- Again? That's every night for the last two months.
I mean, it's an amazing dish, but my God, Iqbal, that's not right.
Look, the rest of my life is a washing chaos.
I need a constant.
We made it into "Food and Wine".
"Nolitas's signature sassily Crusted YellowFin with morels and beluga caviar does more than demonstrate Bourdain's brilliance, it sets a new standard in talent in haute cuisine".
Oh, my God! Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Who's feeding the chiken? Who's feeding it? Come here! The yellowfin is my recipe.
I developed it three years ago *** Well I was supervising you as head chef.
You were supervising? You were supervising me? You were in the walking the whole time playing high the fish stick with the owner's wife! It sounds like they're yelling.
Good ear.
So all of a sudden it's your recipe because it's in here.
No, it's my recipe because it's in here.
Allright, because you're all knowing all powerful.
I'm surprised you're not taking credit for creating tuna itself.
Hey, no one is saying that you didn't make a valuable contribution to this dish.
Right, but no-one is saying that I did.
Look, look.
I think someone needs to take a little ego check.
And here it comes.
You know what? I'm out of here! - Okay, good bye, little baby! Baby finds a new crib.
And dipers.
Yeah, yeah, you heard dipers! You hear that, Teddy? I can't believe Teddy's gone.
It's like he's not even here anymore.
Oh, no, no, no.
There, there.
Steven, how many times has Steven quit? I believe this one makes 17.
-17 times, and every time, the same story.
Teddy's sensitive ego gets bruised somehow, At Jack's expense.
- You are a rockstar now? Yeah, I am a rockstar, and you're my drummer, so just shut up and just bang your little drums, okay? I am outtahere! Teddy takes off and hooks up with an old buddy who always makes him feel better about himself.
Goes home and works through his anger.
What? You don't tell me how to cook.
You know you don't tell me how to cook.
I tell you how to cook.
That's right, I tell you how to cook! You got that? Shut up! Eventually, he takes a step back and then he regroups.
By late afternoon, he and Jack have made up without ever exchanging a single word.
There.
You feel better now? Yes.
- Big hug? Come on.
Come on.
Are you smelling me? Not on purpose.
What? I get one moment of glory and Teddy's gotta make it all about him? Absolutely terrible human being.
Listen, since we're back to the five, who preps the shrimp? I mean, I'd do it myself.
I just feel like it's beneath me.
I mean, who built this place? Who brought all you guys together? I mean, seriously, screw him! I'm in "Food and Wine" magazine.
Very handsome.
So who does the choppy choppy peely peely? What's that? - The shrimp.
Hey, guys, this is Chet.
He's going to be managing the fish station from now on.
Hey! I am just so excited to be here, really.
Working with you guys and of course the legend, Jack Bourdain.
Right? There are just so many emotions.
I just, uh Exquise me! You can't hire him, that's not the way it works.
This is the way it works now.
I don't have time for Teddy's tantrums anymore.
Of course you do.
It's your bit, it's your thing.
"I am mad at you".
"No, I am mad at you.
" "I feel one way".
"No, I feel another".
Extreme reaction.
Oh, hasty action.
Yeah.
No, Nolita is my last chance and I'm not going to let it be sabotaged by Teddy's gigantic ego.
Teddy's ego? Okay.
I like Chet.
He's not a pre-madonna.
Even though he was twice named the shrimp king of the upper west side.
I see, it's all about titles now.
*** Nice.
You're gonna like to get drunk and yell at this one.
Just wring it up, will you? You want my opinion? Jack's new guy is never gonna last.
There's a new guy? What new guy? Hey! I am not the fish! Yes? Jack.
- My name is Ricky Rifkin.
I have a chef named Teddy Wang in my kitchen.
I'd like Yeah, I understand he's left your establishment.
I'd sure like to snatch him up before the rest of New York finds out he's available.
Really? He says I'd ask you for your recommendation.
You wanna know about Teddy? He said you are amazing.
What? He said there's no-one that even approaches your level of talent.
He said I'd be a fool not to hire you.
Vindictive bastard.
This is how it starts.
First the hubris, then the women, then the drugs.
I'm sorry.
What did you say? I said I'm in.
I am totally commited to, uh What is the name of this place? - Jazz Fish.
It's catchy.
So, this is the old guy's means.
Make it your won, 'cause he's never coming back.
It's Chet's place now.
- Great.
I guess I'll just get started prepping the YellowFin tuna.
Oh, actually I am doing the tuna.
I thought I was the fish guy.
You are.
But it's my signature dish.
It got me into the "Food and Wine" magazine.
Let me show you the picture.
Let me see, here's the picture.
Yeah, look at that.
Ain't that something? Where's the recipe? Can't make it without the recipe.
Well, you can.
It's yours.
I know, I know.
Just *** Yes, sir.
The camera really loves you.
I know, right? It's crazy.
Talk to Jack.
- Why should I talk to Jack about it? Because he listens to you.
And we need Teddy.
Oh, what? You miss your girlfriend? Yes, Steven.
Teddy's my girlfriend.
I miss him.
I miss my girlfriend.
Are you happy now? Yes! And you're right.
I can't afford another dallier in the kitchen.
We've got so much to beat up on the student and that time deserves for Jim.
Exquise me.
Pratt! He leaves these things everywhere.
It's time we ask ourselves one question: What would Sinatra do? He'd take off that sodding bandana.
Word to the wise: get out now.
Why would I do that? - We torture the new guy.
I am serious.
It is shockingly cruel.
We got a real vietcom thing going on here.
You savvy, Chet? - Okay.
Look, they like to give the new guys static.
Don't let it break you down.
I am in Jack Bourdain's kitchen.
There is nothing that can break me down.
Your attitude determines your altitude, my friend.
And I am commited to fly as high Oh, my God! My God! He forked me! It hurts so extremely much! Look, you're on your own.
I'm good! I'm good.
*** Et voilà! Crusted yellowfin tuna.
Picture perfect, mate.
I can do Teddy's job.
- I'm sure you believe that.
I can do anybody's job.
- I wouldn't go that far.
Sauce.
Needs sauce.
You want tuna, you got tuna.
Oh, no.
You don't.
What's the matter, mate? - This is crap! What? This is not Ferrari fish.
This is a mini-van fish! No, listen.
This girl's a *** high genus.
She's not going to do it in a mini-van.
What? What are you doing in these cars? Iqbal, come on! - No, no, you come on! Until I get my proper fish you are ***.
No cars! We have to get Teddy back.
You said it was picture - Taste it.
Okay, don't push the tuna tonight.
Put everybody on to the lamb provenzal.
What's wrong with the tuna? What? Nothing.
The tuna is perfect.
I'm just really excited about my lamb.
Your lamb? My lamb.
- Whatever.
This lamb is you lamb, this lamb is my lamb.
This lamb was made for you and me! Yeah, exactly.
So what's everybody going to be ordering tonight? I'll have the yellowfin tuna.
Yellowfin tuna.
Don't bother with the menus.
We all want the magazine fish.
How much did you spend on this? Ten grand? Ten, twelve, who's counting? The important question is, do you like it? I think it's obscene.
And I love it! Damn it! That's the forth piece of genious you're throwing away today! Look, I'm just trying to get it right, okay? It's like there's I don't know.
Teddy changes something.
Like it's an emulsion, there's an infusion, it's a rub Yeah, he's a talented little bastard, isn't he? It's not my recipe anymore.
Wait, wait, wait.
Oh, my God.
Have I taken credit for another man's fish? Great.
You're gonna call Teddy, you're gonna call him now, and you're gonna get him back.
End of story.
If I may say one thing.
- It better not be "exquise me"! I don't think Jack Bourdain makes this call.
I think Jack Bourdain steps up and has the courage to break the toxic patterns of his past.
I think Jack Bourdain says good bye to people who don't want him to shine.
You're all right, Chet.
Hey, everybody! Hey, listen up! You should be like Chet.
Chet.
Jack Bourdain! Come on.
That's enough.
I can't breath! Okay! April fools.
I'm dying! I'm dying! Enjoying it, are you? - Yeah.
You know it'll be you next week.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
You realise this is not in good fun, right? Screw you! You can't break me! They did this to me at the Foster Home and it just made me stronger! We want Teddy back.
We want you gone.
You know what Sinatra did when he wanted somebody gone? Bring it! All of you bring it! It's amazing! What do you call that? Teddy's crusted yellowfin tuna.
By me, Teddy.
You're very talented.
- And very Asian.
We find that incredibly hot.
Well, to be fair, my parents were Asian.
So yeah? - Oh, yeah.
Wait, you mean as in a? Yo, Teddy, phone! Hello? - Hey, it's me.
Well, this is a good one, huh? Held on longer than usual.
I'll talk to you seriously, but look, it's time to come home now.
What do you say, hm? Lots of laughter, yeah! Seth is willing to give you a massage.
He's taking off the neck chief.
Hello? Teddy? Probaly gone at a tunnel.
You heard the expression "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen"? Unfortunately, for some of us, that's not an option.
Damn it! Exquise me.
- It's okay.
It's okay.
*** It's okay.
It's okay.
Excuse me.
Hi.
It's been 45 minutes.
Is the chef out catching the fish? That's a funny notion.
I mean, Can you imagine if he was actually like, whoa! Food! Just so you know, the costumers are getting verbally abusive.
I already did.
She was remarkably cruel.
There, two.
Take them, take them! Momentum.
That's what I'm talking about.
Come on, we can do this! You and me, jaded Chet.
What's up next, buddy? I think we both know, sir.
What are you doing? - That was chase to be done.
I cannot allow you to bone Chet.
What, are you going to stop me or something, man? Turning your back on Teddy? Just dial it down, sweetheart.
I've already made some farmaceutical manoeuvres.
Hey, guys! Chicken hands! My hands feel so weird inside of these chickens.
It's such a great word, chicken.
Say chicken.
Chicken.
- Chicken! Are you my chicken? Yes, I'm your chicken.
I have no hands.
So, you slipped in something.
Yeah.
I slipped in everything.
In one of your profiterols, actually.
Awesome! Get it on! Get it! Don't you ever touch my pastry again.
- Okay.
Marry me.
Okay, where are all those people going? They're leaving.
Yeah, appearantly a lot of them came here to eat.
Okay, we'll feed them booze.
Keep them happy.
That's your job.
Do I have to do your job too now? The only one here not doing their job is you! You should have given Teddy credit.
Anything else? I've got all day.
Earlier, Jim called you a jackass! Okay, that has been taken out of context.
Let me explain something, all of you.
This is my restaurant.
How come the only person that understands that is the guy I hired 3 hours ago? Oh, you mean Chet? - Yes, I mean Chet.
I'll take Chet over all of you.
I'll take ten Chets anyday.
Come here, Chet! Where is Chet? Oh, yeah! Okay, Chet is fired.
Chet is extremely fired.
We're going to need some extra ***.
Tanya, I need your help.
Steven! - Yeah? We're gonna need something very fast.
- I think I have an idea.
Tanya! - I'm sorry.
So, what's good here? At this point? Anything on a high shelf.
So you park cars all day, yet you take the subway? For two hours to get here.
And two hours to get back? - Yes.
I'm sorry, what school newspaper do you work for again? You're taking it *** to me! Nice! Very low profile.
Just do me a favor.
Don't *** - Absolutely.
Safety first.
Everyone stay back! - No, not now! I got a thing going! We've come for the fish guy.
No, no! I am happy here! No, you can't have me now! You're dead to me! I do not consent to this! Get off of me! I'll never go back! I love Jazz Fish.
You can't get me back! Don't! Wait, wait, wait! I forgot my knives.
- Done! What the! We missed you, Teddy.
Where have you been? Actually I was with yor mother.
We were looking at a property together.
No, no Let the man work his magic.
Problem is we need a big master bathroom, because to be frank, your mother enjoys bathing me.
Hey, Seth! I'm back.
So? So what do you think? Brilliant.
I love it.
What are you doing? What are you doing? What do you mean? Okay, I kinda calibrate my stuff so it's perfectly balanced, and now you're ruining it.
Okay, you're destroying it.
Okay, okay, it's garbage now.
You made garbage.
It is now garbage.
Are you happy? - Better this way.