Loaded (2017) s01e08 Episode Script
The End of Cat Factory
1 [MAXINE SULLIVAN.]
: You work and work for years and years You're always on the go You never take a minute off Too busy making dough Some day, you say, you'll have your fun when you're a millionaire Imagine all the fun you'll have In your old rocking chair Enjoy yourself - [HE ROARS.]
- It's later than you think Enjoy yourself While you're still in the pink The years go by As quickly as a wink Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself It's later than you think Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself It's later than you think.
Awww! Skinless pork sausages.
Three-for-two.
Why are we buying horrible sausages? Because they're on offer.
Josh, you don't scrimp on sausage.
That's, like, rule one of being normal.
Abi, we are an average couple doing an average weekly shop and that means occasionally buying things we both find disgusting.
Why? We never did it before.
Well, that was before, OK? And if these horrible sausages, if that's my penance for what I did, the betrayal, then so be it.
Nail me to a cross made of sausage.
Oh, God, now you're Meat Jesus.
The money almost The money almost ruined us, Abi, OK? I'm not going to let it come into our relationship again.
Josh, I gave you it all back and it's totally, totally fine.
I forgive you.
So can we please just buy some - sausage with actual meat in them? - Fine.
Fine, get your sausages, but when we're done here, we're going to get the bus home.
Fuck off, I hate the bus.
So do I.
I don't like it either.
All right? I hate it.
I'm sorry.
Ooh Bargains.
So, there's been a lot of chatter on the forums about the new character.
Yes, she's certainly very - Very feminine.
- Cats don't have tits, though.
- In nature.
- They do have teats.
We're issuing a patch on Monday, so I really need to give the art department a clear brief on whether or not to lose the, uh, bosoms.
Well, all righty then.
Time for Ewan's big executive decree.
[DING.]
- We really are pressed for time.
- Yeah, no, sure.
Let's be decisive, right now.
Let's just decide the hell out of this thing.
Boy Genius, how's the water rendering software? I've just finished coding the full alpha version with all new - functionality.
Very pleasing.
- I can't tell you how great that is.
I want to hug you But for some reason, my arms just won't Seem to let me.
- I'm not a hugger.
- We really do need a decision - on the cat design.
- Oh, Casey? Casey? It would be good to get a second opinion.
There's a concern she's too sexy.
I don't know, whatever you think.
You're doing a great job, Ewan.
OK, then.
The boobs can - Um Can stay.
- Great.
So, have you heard from Watto? No, not for a couple of months, not since the Expo.
But I'm sure he's fine.
- Wherever he is.
- [FOGHORN.]
God.
Is that the time? Yo, yeah, can I order a large salmon teriyaki Bento box with plum and duck pancakes? Delivery, please.
Uh, I'm in an underpass Uh, what's the name of this underpass? - [CLICK.]
- Hello? What are you playing? Dunno, - Cat something.
- Factory? Yeah, but the new one.
- The sequel.
- Let me have a look.
I heard you released a tiger into a leisure centre, - that's why you're here.
- OK, no, that's not what happened, I tried to release a tiger at a convention centre as a kind of 'fuck you' to my old boss.
Someone stopped me, we got into a shoving thing, and I accidentally punched him, got arrested, all my mates moved out of our house and, yeah, hey presto.
Shit, this is impossible.
Didn't anyone play-test this piece of shit? Nice watch.
Hey-hey, platinum.
100m diving range.
Ah, no, come on, mate.
Like [SIGHS.]
I see it everywhere, in every face, In every place that I go I see it in the eyes of all the strangers and the people I know Even in the buildings, in the statues, on the streets that I walk Even in the voices, even though they never say when they talk You're a - Leon? - Abi.
- This is a nice place.
- No, it's not.
Josh has got this thing about the money, he says he doesn't want it to come between us again, so now we've just got to do horrible stuff all the time.
He's working on a new game.
He's gone a bit He wee-ed in a jar.
Yeah, he does that when it all gets a bit much.
Also, a couple of weeks back, he grew this really thin beard and when he got stressed, he, like, trimmed it, trying to get it level and it just got thinner and thinner until one day it was so thin, you couldn't even see it.
And then he grew his stubble back and now I'm just a bit worried he's going to do it again.
- And I hated that beard.
- Yeah, it's happened before.
Do you think maybe I could have a word? Mm-hm.
[BUZZING.]
[KNOCKING.]
Not now, please.
Thank you.
Hey, Josh.
- What the fuck are you doing here? - I brought you something.
If it's another Super Nintendo, I'm showing it up your arse.
It's your mum's album, she finally finished it.
Oh, God.
"Linda Connors: Swings Both Ways" It's actually pretty good, it's got some tunes on there.
And you think this makes everything OK? Do you? After everything you did to me and Abi? I should punch you - in the face, do you know that? - Mate - I'm sorry.
- Well, it's not good enough, Leon.
You're lucky she forgave me.
And now we're stronger than ever.
Well, that's good, I'm happy for you, mate.
Yeah.
Abi says you're working on a new game.
Miriam's Troubles.
And it's going great, thanks for asking.
She also says you grew a really thin beard.
Oh, what, so it's a crime to grow a beard now, is it, Leon? Fuck off.
- Have you played it yet? - No, I haven't played it.
It's a sequel of a game I made a million years ago.
No reason to play it.
I'd rather go and play with needles in the park, thanks.
All right, well, I just wanted to make sure you got your mum's CD.
- Yeah, whatever.
- I'll see you around, yeah? [NOISES FROM GAME.]
[MEOW.]
[PHONE RINGS.]
ON PHONE: Have you played this piece of shit? Wait there, I'm coming back.
Yes! It's unbalanced, the cut doesn't make sense, it's too hard.
- Yeah, I know, mate.
- And don't even start me on the cat with the tits, because if the female cats have breasts, that means that all the other cats without tits are male.
My game, with my name on it, is essentially an interactive misogynist hate crime.
- Cheers.
- And I don't care about the game.
- No, of course.
- I care about the fans.
Yeah, I looked online, the reviews are pretty good.
My God.
That makes it worse.
Nobody is noticed that Cat Factory has gone to shift.
They're all playing it like, "Oh, great game, great gameplay.
" OK, so I've got an idea.
We break into the office this weekend, fix everything and release a patch.
Obviously, we need the others, Watto to fix the art, - Ewan to implement everything.
- No.
I'm out.
Mate Don't do this for me, don't do this for the game.
Do this for Watto.
- What have you heard? - I don't know, loads of stuff.
Some bloke saw him shinning up a telegraph pole in Uxbridge.
One last patch, Josh, that's all this is.
OK, we fix this and then I'm gone, all right? I have a life now, Leon.
A normal life in a normal non-semicircular house, - all right? - All right, I get it.
It's just this one thing, then we're all done.
How did you know how to find him? You know, my mate used to work for a certain branch of Israeli Secret Service.
Obviously.
When in doubt, hire a Mossad Agent.
Unbelievable! Do you think he's off the wagon? - I don't know, mate.
- [DOOR CREAKS OPEN.]
Yeah.
Yeah, I'd probably say so.
What do you reckon's in here? Oi.
Do not open that.
Oh, hey, mate.
Do not unleash Coco.
You just post the nutrients through the window twice a day, and then you leave her the hell alone.
[DOG VIOLENTLY BARKS.]
All right? [HE CLEARS THROAT.]
I see you got a new dog.
I wanted a replacement for Digby.
But she's no Digby, not Coco.
She's satanic.
Jesus, mate! I'm just waiting until she's a little bit older, a little bit less angry, and then I'm going to lure her off the barge with some pork chops and sail away really fast.
- So, how have you been, mate? - Fine.
I'm just hanging out on the party boat - with a dog that I hate.
- And the booze? Yeah, the occasional tipple.
Nothing crazy.
[BOTTLES CLATTER.]
OK! Yeah?! Well, whose fault is that, then?! Cos this what happens, isn't it, hey? When you raise a kid to become dependent on you, and then all of a sudden you're just like, "Off you go, kiddo, out into the world!" You know, "Go and fend for yourself!" Well, I can't fend for myself! I know, mate.
And I'm sorry.
But l'm fine.
I am.
I am coping.
[HE INHALES.]
Have you played it? The sequel? I tried.
But it's impossible, yeah? Really hard.
How do you feel about doing some work on it? - What, all of us? - It's not a permanent thing.
Just a quick fix.
Yeah, well, I'll think about it.
Because, you know, nearly got this place sorted.
I just need to get some Wi-Fi and a television licence and I am all good.
Do you know what? Forget it.
It's fine.
It's a shit idea anyway.
Listen, mate don't do this for yourself, do it for Josh.
I think he's spiralling into one of his dark places again.
Abi said he's pissing in jars and - trimming his facial hair.
- OK.
Good lad.
But I'm only doing it for Josh.
But no shit, yeah? Whatever it is you're on right now, it stays here.
Cold turkey.
Starting from now.
[UPBEAT MUSIC BEGINS.]
Let's roll.
- [MUSIC STOPS.]
- Hang on! - [MUSIC RECOMMENCES.]
- Let's roll.
- [MUSIC STOPS,.]
- [HE CHUCKLES.]
- [MUSIC RECOMMENCES.]
- Let's roll.
Um, what about the dog? Liam, get the engine running.
- Do you think he's all right? - Oh, Jesus.
Start the engine! - [DOG BARKS VICIOUSLY.]
- Start the engine! Open the door! Open the door! [DOG SNARLS.]
[HE PANTS.]
She nearly ate me.
[JOSH AND LEON LAUGH.]
Ewan? I have Leslie for you.
Holy shit! - [SHE SIGHS.]
- You're the Emperor! Yeah, that's one of the more polite ones, I believe.
I'm going to be brief.
I know some people who'd like to come in and meet with you so when your game leaked, your piece of water rendering software really turned some heads.
- Bigger.
- Ooh! Ooh! That's nice! Music to these big, flappy lugs.
- MOUTHS: Shut the fuck up! - Stopping now.
So, would it be OK if I brought them in there to chat with you? Yes, it would be ok Sir.
- No? - Thank you, Ewan.
It's been great meeting you at long last.
- Casey, close the lid.
- OK, bye, then Yeah.
Great job, Ewan.
You showed some real initiative there.
Thank you very much! Ah! Bloody hell, I thought you - were muggists.
- What's muggists? I got my words muddled up, Josh.
- New bag? - Yes, new bag.
It is from the executive range at Debenhams.
Yeah, it's got a compartment for pens.
Look, we've played the sequel, Ewan, and we hate it.
- The game's fine, Leon.
- It's not fine, Ewan.
It's sexist and impossible.
Fellas, you had your chance and you blew it.
And now I have Casey's respect and I'm going places.
- Yeah, right(!) - I've just been - with the Emperor, Leon.
- Bullshit.
She respects me more than she ever respected you.
- Piss off, Ewan.
- What do you care? - After everything she did to you.
- Men! We have a responsibility! Yeah? We bought this game into this world.
We're not going to orphan it! Let's just take our anger and put it in Ewan's new bag.
And let's just try and make it right.
Trust me, mate, I don't want to be here any more than you do.
All right.
Sweet.
Let us in at the back door, then.
What, now? What, you want to do this right now?! Yeah, we've got the weekend till the offer's reopened.
So let's get to work! Why? I thought it would be fun but it's just itchy.
Oh.
Right, I think I may have an idea for a new gameplay mechanic with the mice.
Before we start, I just want everyone to know Josh is going to be taking the lead on this one.
Um I know I headed up Jet Spray Island, but I want to pass the baton back to Josh, so It's all yours, mate, take it away.
Great.
Thanks, mate.
So, Ewan, can you take a look at this? I need you to re-sequence some of the levels.
- Mm-hm.
- OK, Watto, I need you to get rid of the boobs on the cat.
Take a look at the backgrounds they're just not popping.
I'm going to work on these.
What about me? Uh Put the kettle on.
Right! First things first, let's get this place ready for an all-nighter.
You know the drill, boys.
Cold and loud, that's how we like it! I'm taking care of business Woman, can't you see? Got to make it for you I've got to make it for me Takes a lot of money to make it Let's talk truthfully Keep your love light burning Add a little hot food in a plate You might as well get used to me coming home a little late Cos I-I I've got work to do I've got work, baby I got work to do I've got to give I've got work to do Got work to do Got so much work, yeah, yeah DooâÂ"doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-dooâÂ"doo DooâÂ"doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-dooâÂ"doo Work, work Yeah! - [HORN BLARES.]
- Argh! You stupid Work, work.
Yeah Work, work - Holy shit, this level is insane.
- Which? Oh, whoa, I just ran up a different branch of the map screen.
Yeah, that is a good one.
I've got times 50 multiplier with full kibble.
- Invisible mice? Whose idea was that? - I think it was Casey's.
Oh! I don't know, though.
Is it Is it congealed? Is their congealment? Josh, it's good.
We've made it better.
It is good.
When did we stop doing this? Playing together? When it became work.
Oh, invisible digital shits! No, we were still doing this back at the caravan.
Remember Bomberman? What about Cowpocalypse Now? Oh, Counter-Strike, that was my jam! So, what happens next? [HE SIGHS.]
Well, once we've uploaded the patch, I thought maybe we could go for breakfast, you know, like we used to? Watch the social media tick in.
I am up that.
Pretty hungry! Was this part of the plan? What plan? Getting us all back together.
What are we patching here, Leon? I don't know what you're talking about, mate.
OK, well, Abi's expecting me home, so I'll see you guys around.
So, is that it, then? Are we all done? Looks like it.
Good.
Cos that was hard work.
And I can finally go back to my Floating fortress of solitude.
Here we go.
You'll note the grilled tomato, Watto.
There's some fucking garnish on this breakfast, Jeffrey.
- I know there is, Watto.
- I'm so proud of you.
I didn't think I could make it on my own.
But I dusted myself down, I stood back up, and here I am cooking for myself.
What if we brought it back? - Brought what black? - The company, Idyl Hands.
Sell the chopper, sell the yacht, flog the house.
- How much have you got left? - Oh - 6, 6.
7.
- Six?! How have you got six mill left? Well, I got down to about 3 at one point, and then some investments came in.
You know, the organic bean thing.
You made a profit from Magic Beans? Adam, that is incredible! Not as daft as he looks.
I need to borrow it, all of it.
We need to get the company back.
I can make this work.
Cheers for the breakfast.
Watto, let's move.
MUFFLED: Mm.
That was good.
Saw the patch went out.
- I'll play it later.
- Oh Yeah, sure.
You seem a little fried.
Heavy weekend? I'm fine, I'm fine.
Just hung out with some old friends of mine.
But I'm over it.
- Ready to crack on.
- Great.
Ewan Before they come in, there's probably something you should know about these people.
Oh, right? Graypoint Industries is a defence and security company.
They design missiles.
Oh, right! They want to use your water rendering code to design missiles.
VOICE STRAINS: Oh, right Yeah, it's for the navigation systems.
It helps them to simulate deep water currents for torpedoes.
Right, yeah - [HE CLEARS THROAT.]
- Also nukes.
You know, like Trident.
N-n-nukes? Nukes.
Just going to grab a tangerine.
Which means the company will make a killing on our investment in Idyl Hands, so my ass is clean, and I get to ship out of this shithole ASAP.
So How's all that sound? Yeah, quite a lot to process there.
Um Missiles is a bit of a wild card.
[KNOCK AT DOOR.]
Process quickly.
Here they are.
Hi, welcome.
Here he is, the man of the hour, Ewan Fox.
The Wiley fox! [POLITE CHUCKLING.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
Played it.
Loved it.
Yeah? I didn't want to tell you, but I played it when it first came out and I thought it was balls, actual shit.
No, it was weird.
It was good Weirdly.
But, you know, it was just a one-time thing, I'm not going back there.
Right.
In a way, though, isn't it better than you locking yourself away on your own Weeing in Mason jars? No.
Nothing's better than being here with you.
This is a happy game.
It's fun.
You made it fun.
You and your friends did that! Marry me.
What?! - What the fuck? - I don't know.
It just feels right.
Doesn't it? I mean, what are we waiting for? Let's just get married.
Let's just be happy together forever.
OK, Josh You need to sleep for about 37 hours and then you need a shower and a cup of tea, maybe some Shreddies and then we can talk.
OK.
OK.
OK.
Which means you could cash out right now as per the terms of your earn-out.
Which at the current price of North Block Corporation would give you around ã49 million in straight cash.
Ah, that's a lot, isn't it? A lot of buns.
What a lot of buns.
And I realise there's a certain level of moral ickyness around the whole missile thing.
- Hmm.
- I get that.
But the thing is, with warheads, most of them never get used.
They sit in a submarine somewhere in the Atlantic, resting away.
So, in terms of blood on your hands, it's negligible.
Ah, sure, sure it is.
And in a way, video games are killers, too.
- Heart disease, etc.
- Yeah, no, I get that.
Cat Factory has probably been responsible for tens times as many deaths as any nuclear warhead.
Hmm You become the story, Ewan.
The kid from school who sold a piece of code for ã50 million.
No-one tops that.
Time to spread your wings.
I'm sorry.
I can't do this.
You know what? Fuck it! - Hey, Casey.
- What are you doing? Can we get a lift? Do you know Coutts, the bank? Can we get a lift to Coutts, the bank? You just say Coutts, by the way, you don't say Coutts, the bank.
That's good knowledge, we'll take that on board.
- Have you played it yet? - The sequel? I don't think so.
Haven't really had the chance.
I've been busy with other stuff.
There's a new version just went up.
Ewan did a really great job.
He's really stepped up.
I didn't think he had it in him.
You know what? He's really impressed me.
We want it back.
What? Everything.
The company, the game.
It was a mistake.
- Leon.
- We've got 29 million liquid, going to raise another 30.
That's why we going to Coutts, the bank, because if there's one thing I can - do it is talk money out of people.
- Ewan cut a deal.
He sold up.
- What are you on about? - Ewan? It's great for me.
My stocks went through the roof.
Somehow we managed to turn a profit.
But it's a shame.
There really was something there between the four of you.
I guess I just never figured out how to get it out of you.
Can you pull over please, mate? Ewan sold out.
- He sold us to a weapons manufacturer.
- What? What? They're going to make weapons in here? - It's going to be a bomb factory? - No, his code, the water thing, - they're using it for torpedoes.
- What about Cat Factory? They already had a deal in place.
They sold it off to the people who make Angry Birds.
Some of them are being transferred over.
Most of us are being fired.
It's all over.
We need to do something.
Like what? He's already done it.
OK, everyone, two choices.
Option one, stay here And work for an arms dealer.
Not great.
Or option two Come with us.
I don't know where or why or even what for.
We haven't got a game, haven't got a company, haven't even got an office.
But we've got some money, right, Leon? - Yeah, mate, we've got some of that.
- So why don't you come with us and we can start again in some unspecified and as yet unclear way? In summary, follow me, I have no idea where I am going! - What, really follow you? - Yes, really follow me.
We've still got the house, right? We've got the house? - Yeah, we've still got the house.
- We're going to the house! - Listen, about earlier - Josh, would you like to formally rescind your proposal? I was really tired.
I'm OK now.
And I promise you that things will go back to how they were.
OK, no more weirdness.
Right? Thanks.
Shall I get this? Oh, shit, sorry, yeah, I just assumed That's fine, I'm happy to get it.
God, didn't even think.
- How rude is that? - It's not rude.
It's OK.
I've stopped doing it, haven't I? Cos I used to at least fake-reach for my purse, like, "Hey, let me get this.
" Don't even do that any more.
Now I just sit and look at shit on my phone like some pig-eyed trophy woman.
- It doesn't matter.
- No, Josh, I want to get this.
Abi, you don't have to do this, all right.
You're skint anyway.
- I'm not skint! - I didn't mean that.
I haven't got any money but I'm not skint.
I've got credit cards.
Tons of them.
Look.
They just keep on giving them to me because, well, I'm so ace.
OK, let's just split it.
Deal? - Fine.
- Great.
OK, this is potentially an incendiary thing to say, but technically I didn't have a starter.
This is good, right? Is this good? I don't know.
What are we going to do with them all? You never threw us that party.
The day you got all the money, you said you would throw us all a massive party to say thanks.
And you never did.
Shit, you're right.
OK, everyone! First order of business, we're having a house party right now.
There's just one rule, nobody drowns in the pool.
I mean it, that thing is a death trap.
Yeah! Noel's Fucking House Party! Let's do this! Come on, everybody, help yourself to drinks and nibbles in the kitchen! - Are you all right? - Yeah, I am now.
I'm great.
No, but, you all right? I'm fine.
I did some coke maybe a couple of hours ago but only a tiny amount.
It was within the margins of respectability.
I just Need something at the minute.
We could do some juicing together.
Cos there's a really fucking high-end juicer out there and it's never even been used.
OK, that sounds good.
The number 8 will be here in six minutes.
That's not too bad, is it? Josh, can we talk a bit later? Why later, why not now? What's wrong? It's nothing to worry about.
OK, now I'm worried.
Just because I'm making us get the bus? Cos fuck it, I'll get us a taxi, it's fine.
Taxi! Josh, it's not about the bus.
Oh? Come on, then.
I've been thinking again about San Francisco.
Hang on, mate, sorry.
OK.
Yeah, I'm just going to put it all on my credit cards.
I want to go out there.
I want to go with you.
Yeah It's not that I don't want you to, but if you come then the money comes.
And then everything just gets a bit wobbly and I don't know where I am any more.
- Can we just discuss this? - It's just not me, Josh.
Being like that.
Being ungrateful and just expecting everything.
- Then don't do it.
- I can't help it! It's always going to be there.
It's not going away.
We can't just ignore it and pretend like it's nothing.
Well, then, I'll give it away.
I'll donate it all.
Then you'll be the man who had 40 million quid and just gave it all up and then you'd end up resenting me for it.
It will just hang there between us.
Abi, no.
I'm sorry, Josh.
I can't do this any more.
Either of us.
Thank you.
For everything.
Hey, everyone.
It's OK, I know you all hate me.
I could probably get you some killer discounts on M165.
I'm joking.
I'm I probably could.
We're having a bit of a party.
Stick around, you deserve it as much as any of us.
I just want you to know the only reason I sold out was because I thought all of this was over.
Mate, I get it, I would have done the same.
I mean, look at all the shit I did.
- Thanks, man.
- We've all got to think about ourselves now.
What comes next.
To new beginnings.
Mmm.
I think maybe it is the nicest drink I have ever drunk.
And I've tried most of them.
I'm going to start taking responsibility for myself now, Naomi.
Just take full charge of my affairs.
Look after myself.
Take charge of my own life.
Is that something that you think you may be able to do together? I'm so sorry, you've just got something Oh.
Thanks.
No problem.
[PHONE RINGS.]
This is Leon Harper, go fuck yourself after the beep.
Beep! Ha-ha.
They're shipping me out to Beijing.
We just acquired a new video messaging platform.
It's the Chinese Snapchat.
- What do you want? - I know you fixed the game, Leon.
And I'm thinking I might be able to use someone with balls like yours.
Because you'd thrive out there.
So how about we wipe the slate clean and I give you another shot at this? [CAR DOOR OPENS.]
Casey, sorry, I got to go.
It's over, mate.
She's going.
Oh, man.
Come here.
Let's get you in the house.
Oh.
Garage is better.
What if I just go over there anyway? - She can't stop me.
- I don't know about that, mate.
Hey, not Abi.
I'm sorry.
Come here.
Come here.
Thanks, man.
It just ruined everything, didn't it? The money.
Everything went wrong.
Mum and Dad.
Me and Abi.
Us.
I think it's just makes everything bigger, cars, houses, problems.
Everything just magnifies.
This will cheer you up.
Ewan sold the company to an arms manufacturer.
That is factually correct.
I actually did do that.
What the fuck? They wanted my patent for designing missile navigation systems.
Nukes, actually.
- Nukes? - Nukes.
Actually that has cheered me up.
They're surprisingly nice actually.
For warmongers.
So what else is new? - Me and Watto started a new company.
- Are you serious? All this happened since I went out for lunch? It's been a whirlwind.
I won't lie.
We lost the company.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
We chopped down a tree.
We are lumberjacks.
So let's grow a new one.
It's just us, mate.
Always has been.
What the fuck have I done now? It's OK, boys, I know something about this.
- Ewan Fox? - The one and the same.
- Erm, Ewan? - Oh.
I fucked 'em, the missile guys.
Popped the MacBook in the microwave and put it on defrost for three minutes.
Wiped the servers.
Deleted the only fully operational version of my beautiful water rendering engine which is a terrible loss for the video game industry but probably pretty good news if you happen to be raising a family in the Middle East.
Also, I've left the taps on in the bogs and blocked the sinks.
Are you happy to come in and answer some questions? Yeah, absolutely.
One thing, can I possibly sit in the front because I get really bad motion sickness? So what now? Well, I guess we bail Ewan, hire a good lawyer and then we start again.
What do you say, Josh, new company, new start? I suppose I've got nothing else going on.
Great.
Cos I got an idea.
Fuck mobile gaming, we've got AAA.
PlayStation, Xbox, PC, - we go toe-to-toe with the big boys.
- OK, Leon, hang on a sec No, I've already put the feelers out to a guy I know at Sony.
Sorry, you've already put the feelers out? Just the feelers.
Just some little feeling.
- Nothing heavy.
- OK, I think it's fine, but Barney has fallen in the pool and he knocked his head.
Oh, shit.
: You work and work for years and years You're always on the go You never take a minute off Too busy making dough Some day, you say, you'll have your fun when you're a millionaire Imagine all the fun you'll have In your old rocking chair Enjoy yourself - [HE ROARS.]
- It's later than you think Enjoy yourself While you're still in the pink The years go by As quickly as a wink Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself It's later than you think Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself It's later than you think.
Awww! Skinless pork sausages.
Three-for-two.
Why are we buying horrible sausages? Because they're on offer.
Josh, you don't scrimp on sausage.
That's, like, rule one of being normal.
Abi, we are an average couple doing an average weekly shop and that means occasionally buying things we both find disgusting.
Why? We never did it before.
Well, that was before, OK? And if these horrible sausages, if that's my penance for what I did, the betrayal, then so be it.
Nail me to a cross made of sausage.
Oh, God, now you're Meat Jesus.
The money almost The money almost ruined us, Abi, OK? I'm not going to let it come into our relationship again.
Josh, I gave you it all back and it's totally, totally fine.
I forgive you.
So can we please just buy some - sausage with actual meat in them? - Fine.
Fine, get your sausages, but when we're done here, we're going to get the bus home.
Fuck off, I hate the bus.
So do I.
I don't like it either.
All right? I hate it.
I'm sorry.
Ooh Bargains.
So, there's been a lot of chatter on the forums about the new character.
Yes, she's certainly very - Very feminine.
- Cats don't have tits, though.
- In nature.
- They do have teats.
We're issuing a patch on Monday, so I really need to give the art department a clear brief on whether or not to lose the, uh, bosoms.
Well, all righty then.
Time for Ewan's big executive decree.
[DING.]
- We really are pressed for time.
- Yeah, no, sure.
Let's be decisive, right now.
Let's just decide the hell out of this thing.
Boy Genius, how's the water rendering software? I've just finished coding the full alpha version with all new - functionality.
Very pleasing.
- I can't tell you how great that is.
I want to hug you But for some reason, my arms just won't Seem to let me.
- I'm not a hugger.
- We really do need a decision - on the cat design.
- Oh, Casey? Casey? It would be good to get a second opinion.
There's a concern she's too sexy.
I don't know, whatever you think.
You're doing a great job, Ewan.
OK, then.
The boobs can - Um Can stay.
- Great.
So, have you heard from Watto? No, not for a couple of months, not since the Expo.
But I'm sure he's fine.
- Wherever he is.
- [FOGHORN.]
God.
Is that the time? Yo, yeah, can I order a large salmon teriyaki Bento box with plum and duck pancakes? Delivery, please.
Uh, I'm in an underpass Uh, what's the name of this underpass? - [CLICK.]
- Hello? What are you playing? Dunno, - Cat something.
- Factory? Yeah, but the new one.
- The sequel.
- Let me have a look.
I heard you released a tiger into a leisure centre, - that's why you're here.
- OK, no, that's not what happened, I tried to release a tiger at a convention centre as a kind of 'fuck you' to my old boss.
Someone stopped me, we got into a shoving thing, and I accidentally punched him, got arrested, all my mates moved out of our house and, yeah, hey presto.
Shit, this is impossible.
Didn't anyone play-test this piece of shit? Nice watch.
Hey-hey, platinum.
100m diving range.
Ah, no, come on, mate.
Like [SIGHS.]
I see it everywhere, in every face, In every place that I go I see it in the eyes of all the strangers and the people I know Even in the buildings, in the statues, on the streets that I walk Even in the voices, even though they never say when they talk You're a - Leon? - Abi.
- This is a nice place.
- No, it's not.
Josh has got this thing about the money, he says he doesn't want it to come between us again, so now we've just got to do horrible stuff all the time.
He's working on a new game.
He's gone a bit He wee-ed in a jar.
Yeah, he does that when it all gets a bit much.
Also, a couple of weeks back, he grew this really thin beard and when he got stressed, he, like, trimmed it, trying to get it level and it just got thinner and thinner until one day it was so thin, you couldn't even see it.
And then he grew his stubble back and now I'm just a bit worried he's going to do it again.
- And I hated that beard.
- Yeah, it's happened before.
Do you think maybe I could have a word? Mm-hm.
[BUZZING.]
[KNOCKING.]
Not now, please.
Thank you.
Hey, Josh.
- What the fuck are you doing here? - I brought you something.
If it's another Super Nintendo, I'm showing it up your arse.
It's your mum's album, she finally finished it.
Oh, God.
"Linda Connors: Swings Both Ways" It's actually pretty good, it's got some tunes on there.
And you think this makes everything OK? Do you? After everything you did to me and Abi? I should punch you - in the face, do you know that? - Mate - I'm sorry.
- Well, it's not good enough, Leon.
You're lucky she forgave me.
And now we're stronger than ever.
Well, that's good, I'm happy for you, mate.
Yeah.
Abi says you're working on a new game.
Miriam's Troubles.
And it's going great, thanks for asking.
She also says you grew a really thin beard.
Oh, what, so it's a crime to grow a beard now, is it, Leon? Fuck off.
- Have you played it yet? - No, I haven't played it.
It's a sequel of a game I made a million years ago.
No reason to play it.
I'd rather go and play with needles in the park, thanks.
All right, well, I just wanted to make sure you got your mum's CD.
- Yeah, whatever.
- I'll see you around, yeah? [NOISES FROM GAME.]
[MEOW.]
[PHONE RINGS.]
ON PHONE: Have you played this piece of shit? Wait there, I'm coming back.
Yes! It's unbalanced, the cut doesn't make sense, it's too hard.
- Yeah, I know, mate.
- And don't even start me on the cat with the tits, because if the female cats have breasts, that means that all the other cats without tits are male.
My game, with my name on it, is essentially an interactive misogynist hate crime.
- Cheers.
- And I don't care about the game.
- No, of course.
- I care about the fans.
Yeah, I looked online, the reviews are pretty good.
My God.
That makes it worse.
Nobody is noticed that Cat Factory has gone to shift.
They're all playing it like, "Oh, great game, great gameplay.
" OK, so I've got an idea.
We break into the office this weekend, fix everything and release a patch.
Obviously, we need the others, Watto to fix the art, - Ewan to implement everything.
- No.
I'm out.
Mate Don't do this for me, don't do this for the game.
Do this for Watto.
- What have you heard? - I don't know, loads of stuff.
Some bloke saw him shinning up a telegraph pole in Uxbridge.
One last patch, Josh, that's all this is.
OK, we fix this and then I'm gone, all right? I have a life now, Leon.
A normal life in a normal non-semicircular house, - all right? - All right, I get it.
It's just this one thing, then we're all done.
How did you know how to find him? You know, my mate used to work for a certain branch of Israeli Secret Service.
Obviously.
When in doubt, hire a Mossad Agent.
Unbelievable! Do you think he's off the wagon? - I don't know, mate.
- [DOOR CREAKS OPEN.]
Yeah.
Yeah, I'd probably say so.
What do you reckon's in here? Oi.
Do not open that.
Oh, hey, mate.
Do not unleash Coco.
You just post the nutrients through the window twice a day, and then you leave her the hell alone.
[DOG VIOLENTLY BARKS.]
All right? [HE CLEARS THROAT.]
I see you got a new dog.
I wanted a replacement for Digby.
But she's no Digby, not Coco.
She's satanic.
Jesus, mate! I'm just waiting until she's a little bit older, a little bit less angry, and then I'm going to lure her off the barge with some pork chops and sail away really fast.
- So, how have you been, mate? - Fine.
I'm just hanging out on the party boat - with a dog that I hate.
- And the booze? Yeah, the occasional tipple.
Nothing crazy.
[BOTTLES CLATTER.]
OK! Yeah?! Well, whose fault is that, then?! Cos this what happens, isn't it, hey? When you raise a kid to become dependent on you, and then all of a sudden you're just like, "Off you go, kiddo, out into the world!" You know, "Go and fend for yourself!" Well, I can't fend for myself! I know, mate.
And I'm sorry.
But l'm fine.
I am.
I am coping.
[HE INHALES.]
Have you played it? The sequel? I tried.
But it's impossible, yeah? Really hard.
How do you feel about doing some work on it? - What, all of us? - It's not a permanent thing.
Just a quick fix.
Yeah, well, I'll think about it.
Because, you know, nearly got this place sorted.
I just need to get some Wi-Fi and a television licence and I am all good.
Do you know what? Forget it.
It's fine.
It's a shit idea anyway.
Listen, mate don't do this for yourself, do it for Josh.
I think he's spiralling into one of his dark places again.
Abi said he's pissing in jars and - trimming his facial hair.
- OK.
Good lad.
But I'm only doing it for Josh.
But no shit, yeah? Whatever it is you're on right now, it stays here.
Cold turkey.
Starting from now.
[UPBEAT MUSIC BEGINS.]
Let's roll.
- [MUSIC STOPS.]
- Hang on! - [MUSIC RECOMMENCES.]
- Let's roll.
- [MUSIC STOPS,.]
- [HE CHUCKLES.]
- [MUSIC RECOMMENCES.]
- Let's roll.
Um, what about the dog? Liam, get the engine running.
- Do you think he's all right? - Oh, Jesus.
Start the engine! - [DOG BARKS VICIOUSLY.]
- Start the engine! Open the door! Open the door! [DOG SNARLS.]
[HE PANTS.]
She nearly ate me.
[JOSH AND LEON LAUGH.]
Ewan? I have Leslie for you.
Holy shit! - [SHE SIGHS.]
- You're the Emperor! Yeah, that's one of the more polite ones, I believe.
I'm going to be brief.
I know some people who'd like to come in and meet with you so when your game leaked, your piece of water rendering software really turned some heads.
- Bigger.
- Ooh! Ooh! That's nice! Music to these big, flappy lugs.
- MOUTHS: Shut the fuck up! - Stopping now.
So, would it be OK if I brought them in there to chat with you? Yes, it would be ok Sir.
- No? - Thank you, Ewan.
It's been great meeting you at long last.
- Casey, close the lid.
- OK, bye, then Yeah.
Great job, Ewan.
You showed some real initiative there.
Thank you very much! Ah! Bloody hell, I thought you - were muggists.
- What's muggists? I got my words muddled up, Josh.
- New bag? - Yes, new bag.
It is from the executive range at Debenhams.
Yeah, it's got a compartment for pens.
Look, we've played the sequel, Ewan, and we hate it.
- The game's fine, Leon.
- It's not fine, Ewan.
It's sexist and impossible.
Fellas, you had your chance and you blew it.
And now I have Casey's respect and I'm going places.
- Yeah, right(!) - I've just been - with the Emperor, Leon.
- Bullshit.
She respects me more than she ever respected you.
- Piss off, Ewan.
- What do you care? - After everything she did to you.
- Men! We have a responsibility! Yeah? We bought this game into this world.
We're not going to orphan it! Let's just take our anger and put it in Ewan's new bag.
And let's just try and make it right.
Trust me, mate, I don't want to be here any more than you do.
All right.
Sweet.
Let us in at the back door, then.
What, now? What, you want to do this right now?! Yeah, we've got the weekend till the offer's reopened.
So let's get to work! Why? I thought it would be fun but it's just itchy.
Oh.
Right, I think I may have an idea for a new gameplay mechanic with the mice.
Before we start, I just want everyone to know Josh is going to be taking the lead on this one.
Um I know I headed up Jet Spray Island, but I want to pass the baton back to Josh, so It's all yours, mate, take it away.
Great.
Thanks, mate.
So, Ewan, can you take a look at this? I need you to re-sequence some of the levels.
- Mm-hm.
- OK, Watto, I need you to get rid of the boobs on the cat.
Take a look at the backgrounds they're just not popping.
I'm going to work on these.
What about me? Uh Put the kettle on.
Right! First things first, let's get this place ready for an all-nighter.
You know the drill, boys.
Cold and loud, that's how we like it! I'm taking care of business Woman, can't you see? Got to make it for you I've got to make it for me Takes a lot of money to make it Let's talk truthfully Keep your love light burning Add a little hot food in a plate You might as well get used to me coming home a little late Cos I-I I've got work to do I've got work, baby I got work to do I've got to give I've got work to do Got work to do Got so much work, yeah, yeah DooâÂ"doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-dooâÂ"doo DooâÂ"doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-dooâÂ"doo Work, work Yeah! - [HORN BLARES.]
- Argh! You stupid Work, work.
Yeah Work, work - Holy shit, this level is insane.
- Which? Oh, whoa, I just ran up a different branch of the map screen.
Yeah, that is a good one.
I've got times 50 multiplier with full kibble.
- Invisible mice? Whose idea was that? - I think it was Casey's.
Oh! I don't know, though.
Is it Is it congealed? Is their congealment? Josh, it's good.
We've made it better.
It is good.
When did we stop doing this? Playing together? When it became work.
Oh, invisible digital shits! No, we were still doing this back at the caravan.
Remember Bomberman? What about Cowpocalypse Now? Oh, Counter-Strike, that was my jam! So, what happens next? [HE SIGHS.]
Well, once we've uploaded the patch, I thought maybe we could go for breakfast, you know, like we used to? Watch the social media tick in.
I am up that.
Pretty hungry! Was this part of the plan? What plan? Getting us all back together.
What are we patching here, Leon? I don't know what you're talking about, mate.
OK, well, Abi's expecting me home, so I'll see you guys around.
So, is that it, then? Are we all done? Looks like it.
Good.
Cos that was hard work.
And I can finally go back to my Floating fortress of solitude.
Here we go.
You'll note the grilled tomato, Watto.
There's some fucking garnish on this breakfast, Jeffrey.
- I know there is, Watto.
- I'm so proud of you.
I didn't think I could make it on my own.
But I dusted myself down, I stood back up, and here I am cooking for myself.
What if we brought it back? - Brought what black? - The company, Idyl Hands.
Sell the chopper, sell the yacht, flog the house.
- How much have you got left? - Oh - 6, 6.
7.
- Six?! How have you got six mill left? Well, I got down to about 3 at one point, and then some investments came in.
You know, the organic bean thing.
You made a profit from Magic Beans? Adam, that is incredible! Not as daft as he looks.
I need to borrow it, all of it.
We need to get the company back.
I can make this work.
Cheers for the breakfast.
Watto, let's move.
MUFFLED: Mm.
That was good.
Saw the patch went out.
- I'll play it later.
- Oh Yeah, sure.
You seem a little fried.
Heavy weekend? I'm fine, I'm fine.
Just hung out with some old friends of mine.
But I'm over it.
- Ready to crack on.
- Great.
Ewan Before they come in, there's probably something you should know about these people.
Oh, right? Graypoint Industries is a defence and security company.
They design missiles.
Oh, right! They want to use your water rendering code to design missiles.
VOICE STRAINS: Oh, right Yeah, it's for the navigation systems.
It helps them to simulate deep water currents for torpedoes.
Right, yeah - [HE CLEARS THROAT.]
- Also nukes.
You know, like Trident.
N-n-nukes? Nukes.
Just going to grab a tangerine.
Which means the company will make a killing on our investment in Idyl Hands, so my ass is clean, and I get to ship out of this shithole ASAP.
So How's all that sound? Yeah, quite a lot to process there.
Um Missiles is a bit of a wild card.
[KNOCK AT DOOR.]
Process quickly.
Here they are.
Hi, welcome.
Here he is, the man of the hour, Ewan Fox.
The Wiley fox! [POLITE CHUCKLING.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
Played it.
Loved it.
Yeah? I didn't want to tell you, but I played it when it first came out and I thought it was balls, actual shit.
No, it was weird.
It was good Weirdly.
But, you know, it was just a one-time thing, I'm not going back there.
Right.
In a way, though, isn't it better than you locking yourself away on your own Weeing in Mason jars? No.
Nothing's better than being here with you.
This is a happy game.
It's fun.
You made it fun.
You and your friends did that! Marry me.
What?! - What the fuck? - I don't know.
It just feels right.
Doesn't it? I mean, what are we waiting for? Let's just get married.
Let's just be happy together forever.
OK, Josh You need to sleep for about 37 hours and then you need a shower and a cup of tea, maybe some Shreddies and then we can talk.
OK.
OK.
OK.
Which means you could cash out right now as per the terms of your earn-out.
Which at the current price of North Block Corporation would give you around ã49 million in straight cash.
Ah, that's a lot, isn't it? A lot of buns.
What a lot of buns.
And I realise there's a certain level of moral ickyness around the whole missile thing.
- Hmm.
- I get that.
But the thing is, with warheads, most of them never get used.
They sit in a submarine somewhere in the Atlantic, resting away.
So, in terms of blood on your hands, it's negligible.
Ah, sure, sure it is.
And in a way, video games are killers, too.
- Heart disease, etc.
- Yeah, no, I get that.
Cat Factory has probably been responsible for tens times as many deaths as any nuclear warhead.
Hmm You become the story, Ewan.
The kid from school who sold a piece of code for ã50 million.
No-one tops that.
Time to spread your wings.
I'm sorry.
I can't do this.
You know what? Fuck it! - Hey, Casey.
- What are you doing? Can we get a lift? Do you know Coutts, the bank? Can we get a lift to Coutts, the bank? You just say Coutts, by the way, you don't say Coutts, the bank.
That's good knowledge, we'll take that on board.
- Have you played it yet? - The sequel? I don't think so.
Haven't really had the chance.
I've been busy with other stuff.
There's a new version just went up.
Ewan did a really great job.
He's really stepped up.
I didn't think he had it in him.
You know what? He's really impressed me.
We want it back.
What? Everything.
The company, the game.
It was a mistake.
- Leon.
- We've got 29 million liquid, going to raise another 30.
That's why we going to Coutts, the bank, because if there's one thing I can - do it is talk money out of people.
- Ewan cut a deal.
He sold up.
- What are you on about? - Ewan? It's great for me.
My stocks went through the roof.
Somehow we managed to turn a profit.
But it's a shame.
There really was something there between the four of you.
I guess I just never figured out how to get it out of you.
Can you pull over please, mate? Ewan sold out.
- He sold us to a weapons manufacturer.
- What? What? They're going to make weapons in here? - It's going to be a bomb factory? - No, his code, the water thing, - they're using it for torpedoes.
- What about Cat Factory? They already had a deal in place.
They sold it off to the people who make Angry Birds.
Some of them are being transferred over.
Most of us are being fired.
It's all over.
We need to do something.
Like what? He's already done it.
OK, everyone, two choices.
Option one, stay here And work for an arms dealer.
Not great.
Or option two Come with us.
I don't know where or why or even what for.
We haven't got a game, haven't got a company, haven't even got an office.
But we've got some money, right, Leon? - Yeah, mate, we've got some of that.
- So why don't you come with us and we can start again in some unspecified and as yet unclear way? In summary, follow me, I have no idea where I am going! - What, really follow you? - Yes, really follow me.
We've still got the house, right? We've got the house? - Yeah, we've still got the house.
- We're going to the house! - Listen, about earlier - Josh, would you like to formally rescind your proposal? I was really tired.
I'm OK now.
And I promise you that things will go back to how they were.
OK, no more weirdness.
Right? Thanks.
Shall I get this? Oh, shit, sorry, yeah, I just assumed That's fine, I'm happy to get it.
God, didn't even think.
- How rude is that? - It's not rude.
It's OK.
I've stopped doing it, haven't I? Cos I used to at least fake-reach for my purse, like, "Hey, let me get this.
" Don't even do that any more.
Now I just sit and look at shit on my phone like some pig-eyed trophy woman.
- It doesn't matter.
- No, Josh, I want to get this.
Abi, you don't have to do this, all right.
You're skint anyway.
- I'm not skint! - I didn't mean that.
I haven't got any money but I'm not skint.
I've got credit cards.
Tons of them.
Look.
They just keep on giving them to me because, well, I'm so ace.
OK, let's just split it.
Deal? - Fine.
- Great.
OK, this is potentially an incendiary thing to say, but technically I didn't have a starter.
This is good, right? Is this good? I don't know.
What are we going to do with them all? You never threw us that party.
The day you got all the money, you said you would throw us all a massive party to say thanks.
And you never did.
Shit, you're right.
OK, everyone! First order of business, we're having a house party right now.
There's just one rule, nobody drowns in the pool.
I mean it, that thing is a death trap.
Yeah! Noel's Fucking House Party! Let's do this! Come on, everybody, help yourself to drinks and nibbles in the kitchen! - Are you all right? - Yeah, I am now.
I'm great.
No, but, you all right? I'm fine.
I did some coke maybe a couple of hours ago but only a tiny amount.
It was within the margins of respectability.
I just Need something at the minute.
We could do some juicing together.
Cos there's a really fucking high-end juicer out there and it's never even been used.
OK, that sounds good.
The number 8 will be here in six minutes.
That's not too bad, is it? Josh, can we talk a bit later? Why later, why not now? What's wrong? It's nothing to worry about.
OK, now I'm worried.
Just because I'm making us get the bus? Cos fuck it, I'll get us a taxi, it's fine.
Taxi! Josh, it's not about the bus.
Oh? Come on, then.
I've been thinking again about San Francisco.
Hang on, mate, sorry.
OK.
Yeah, I'm just going to put it all on my credit cards.
I want to go out there.
I want to go with you.
Yeah It's not that I don't want you to, but if you come then the money comes.
And then everything just gets a bit wobbly and I don't know where I am any more.
- Can we just discuss this? - It's just not me, Josh.
Being like that.
Being ungrateful and just expecting everything.
- Then don't do it.
- I can't help it! It's always going to be there.
It's not going away.
We can't just ignore it and pretend like it's nothing.
Well, then, I'll give it away.
I'll donate it all.
Then you'll be the man who had 40 million quid and just gave it all up and then you'd end up resenting me for it.
It will just hang there between us.
Abi, no.
I'm sorry, Josh.
I can't do this any more.
Either of us.
Thank you.
For everything.
Hey, everyone.
It's OK, I know you all hate me.
I could probably get you some killer discounts on M165.
I'm joking.
I'm I probably could.
We're having a bit of a party.
Stick around, you deserve it as much as any of us.
I just want you to know the only reason I sold out was because I thought all of this was over.
Mate, I get it, I would have done the same.
I mean, look at all the shit I did.
- Thanks, man.
- We've all got to think about ourselves now.
What comes next.
To new beginnings.
Mmm.
I think maybe it is the nicest drink I have ever drunk.
And I've tried most of them.
I'm going to start taking responsibility for myself now, Naomi.
Just take full charge of my affairs.
Look after myself.
Take charge of my own life.
Is that something that you think you may be able to do together? I'm so sorry, you've just got something Oh.
Thanks.
No problem.
[PHONE RINGS.]
This is Leon Harper, go fuck yourself after the beep.
Beep! Ha-ha.
They're shipping me out to Beijing.
We just acquired a new video messaging platform.
It's the Chinese Snapchat.
- What do you want? - I know you fixed the game, Leon.
And I'm thinking I might be able to use someone with balls like yours.
Because you'd thrive out there.
So how about we wipe the slate clean and I give you another shot at this? [CAR DOOR OPENS.]
Casey, sorry, I got to go.
It's over, mate.
She's going.
Oh, man.
Come here.
Let's get you in the house.
Oh.
Garage is better.
What if I just go over there anyway? - She can't stop me.
- I don't know about that, mate.
Hey, not Abi.
I'm sorry.
Come here.
Come here.
Thanks, man.
It just ruined everything, didn't it? The money.
Everything went wrong.
Mum and Dad.
Me and Abi.
Us.
I think it's just makes everything bigger, cars, houses, problems.
Everything just magnifies.
This will cheer you up.
Ewan sold the company to an arms manufacturer.
That is factually correct.
I actually did do that.
What the fuck? They wanted my patent for designing missile navigation systems.
Nukes, actually.
- Nukes? - Nukes.
Actually that has cheered me up.
They're surprisingly nice actually.
For warmongers.
So what else is new? - Me and Watto started a new company.
- Are you serious? All this happened since I went out for lunch? It's been a whirlwind.
I won't lie.
We lost the company.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
We chopped down a tree.
We are lumberjacks.
So let's grow a new one.
It's just us, mate.
Always has been.
What the fuck have I done now? It's OK, boys, I know something about this.
- Ewan Fox? - The one and the same.
- Erm, Ewan? - Oh.
I fucked 'em, the missile guys.
Popped the MacBook in the microwave and put it on defrost for three minutes.
Wiped the servers.
Deleted the only fully operational version of my beautiful water rendering engine which is a terrible loss for the video game industry but probably pretty good news if you happen to be raising a family in the Middle East.
Also, I've left the taps on in the bogs and blocked the sinks.
Are you happy to come in and answer some questions? Yeah, absolutely.
One thing, can I possibly sit in the front because I get really bad motion sickness? So what now? Well, I guess we bail Ewan, hire a good lawyer and then we start again.
What do you say, Josh, new company, new start? I suppose I've got nothing else going on.
Great.
Cos I got an idea.
Fuck mobile gaming, we've got AAA.
PlayStation, Xbox, PC, - we go toe-to-toe with the big boys.
- OK, Leon, hang on a sec No, I've already put the feelers out to a guy I know at Sony.
Sorry, you've already put the feelers out? Just the feelers.
Just some little feeling.
- Nothing heavy.
- OK, I think it's fine, but Barney has fallen in the pool and he knocked his head.
Oh, shit.