Malibu Country (2012) s01e08 Episode Script

Wow, Kim, of all the sonograms you've shown me so far, this one's the most, um Recent.
I know.
I just can't believe I'm having a girl.
I'm so excited.
Well, as long as she's healthy.
Yeah, and pretty.
And pretty.
Reba red, Reba red, Reba red.
Come in.
Come in, Reba.
This is Mama Mae.
Mama Mae.
Do you read me? Mama.
Mama.
What is that? I'm getting ready for the protest tomorrow, Reba.
The feds are trying to shut down our pot pharmacy.
Apparently, Uncle Sam has a thing against good times.
Mama, when did you turn into Willie Nelson? Okay, so one of your dispensaries is being closed down.
So what? No, it's not just the dispensary that will suffer.
As in all wars, Reba, there will be collateral damage.
The pizzeria, the fro-yo palace, the lava lamp kiosk.
They are all going down.
Hey, kids, don't look at your grandma's sign.
Yeah, mom, I'm gonna start using marijuana because my grandma's doing it.
That's so cool.
Good point.
So how was school? Lame.
Sucked.
Can we change schools? Well, that's a little intense.
What's wrong? Nothing.
Just Forget it.
No, no, no.
You started it.
Tell me.
It's this kid, Andrew Collins.
He keeps messing with cash, calling him a hillbilly.
June.
Look, it's--it's not a big deal.
"It's not a big deal.
" You hear that? You tell that boy we are not hillbillies We are proud hill people.
I'm not sure he's gonna get the distinction, grandma.
Look, I'll just-- I'll ignore him.
Oh, no, you will not ignore him.
He's a bully.
All right, Mama.
Whatever.
Okay, I'm serious.
He's just gonna keep on doing this until you stand up for yourself.
But where does he get off calling me a hillbilly? How would he like it if I made fun of him for being voted most popular three years in a row.
You know, I know that boy, Andrew Collins.
He's big, handsome, broad shoulders.
And such a jerk.
I just hate him.
One down, one to go.
Why do you hate school? I wanted to play the clarinet, but with all the cutbacks, they're dropping the music program.
What? Yeah, it's true.
It's such a shame.
You see? The man is trying to kill everything that brings us joy.
I swear, if they cancel "Castle," I'm moving to Canada.
Don't worry, honey.
We'll think of something.
I can't believe they're gonna drop the music program.
Gosh, that's insane.
I don't know what I would have done in school if they didn't have a music program.
It's true.
This little thing, she was brilliant in music.
You know, the first time she sat down, she just started playing by ear.
Those little fingers just flew over the keys, that little red head bobbin' and bobbin'.
She'd play for hours at a time, I mean, day and night, night and day, and over and over and over and over again.
You know, Reba, if you wanted to help June, you could join the music fund-raising committee.
We're trying to raise funds to reinstate the program.
Really? Mm-hmm.
Sign me up.
Oh, great.
You're gonna love it.
'Cause our big fund-raiser is coming up.
You know, last year, we raised $38,000.
Really? That's great! So why are they dropping the music program? Well, the dinner cost $40,000.
Wow.
You were just awesome, chairperson Reba.
Oh, well, thank you, Kim.
You know, I'm glad we got things back on track.
When we took that little detour talking about Claire's bikini wax nightmare, I thought we'd gone over the deep end.
I know.
She is so old-fashioned.
I mean, laser is totally the way to go, right? Oh.
Hey, mom.
Hey.
What are you doing here? Oh, committee meeting.
And you'll be very happy to know that we've almost got the music program funded.
Oh, good.
I thought you were here because of cash.
Cash? What did he do? Nothing I know of.
Oh, there's the bell.
Gotta run.
Cash, is there something you wanna tell me? Oh, I-I'm innocent, I swear.
Uh-oh.
When an incident involves physical violence between students, we take it very seriously.
Violence? Cash, what did you do? Look, I was late for class, and Andrew was standing in front of my locker.
And when I asked him to move, he wouldn't, so I just shoved him out of the way.
Well, perhaps you should hear our version.
"Andrew was standing in front of cash's locker, and when he wouldn't move, cash shoved him out of the way.
" I-I don't know which version to believe.
What I mean is, cash didn't hurt the kid physically, correct? Well, not physically, no, but emotionally Look, Ms.
Mackenzie, every student in our school is entitled to a sphere of comfort around their person, and when cash made physical contact with Andrew, he shattered that sphere.
I didn't even see his sphere.
O-okay.
All right.
Let's just see if we can repair this invisible sphere.
Ms.
Mackenzie, this is the school's code of physical conduct.
It's a contract, okay? Both you and cash signed it before he came to school.
Well, I sign lots of things.
I had to sign this thing saying the kids had all their shots.
I don't know if they've had all their shots or not.
Your signature is your word.
Could you imagine if the founding fathers had just signed the declaration of independence without bothering to read it first? We'd--we'd have an ineffective government, anyhow, this contract explicitly forbids bullying.
Oh, well, what cash did was not bullying.
It was self-defense.
This Andrew kid had been picking on him, making fun of him, calling him a hillbilly.
Well, then he should have reported it.
But since he took matters into his own hands, he now has one strike on his record, and this school has a strict two strikes policy.
Two strikes? Haven't you ever been to a baseball game? It's always three strikes.
So--so I suppose you'd like cash to have an extra chance to hurt someone? He didn't hurt anyone.
I think we're done here.
Oh, no.
All he did was give the kid just a little shove.
There's no such thing as little shoves, only little shovers.
Yes, there is.
It's like a regular shove, but littler.
Like this Ma'am! Ma'am.
Ma'am.
More violence is never the answer.
That's not violence.
Well, perhaps not where you come from.
Where I come-- I'll show you violence! Okay, Mama, let's go! No, no, no.
Come on.
Let's go.
Let's go.
I'm not done! Thank you, sir.
I'll make you think "violence"! And great job on the announcements this morning.
Really, some of your best work.
"The school strives to ensure that no student feels uncomfortable.
" Pfft.
That's a load of crap.
I'm just gonna sign it.
Well that was a debacle.
What, your protest wasn't a success? We tried to get a chant going, but then a taco truck pulled up, and half the crowd wandered off, chanting, "Churro! Churro!" "Guacamole! Guacamole!" Wow, weird that a bunch of people that are high can't get organized.
And then somebody brought out a frisbee, and the next thing you know, the picket line is just me and this man with these tiny, little gym shorts and no shame.
Gravity was not his friend.
But on a more positive note, the dispensary had a big closing sale, so I got a lot of good stuff.
I got chocolates, I got candies Mama, I don't want this stuff in my house.
I got oils.
It's perfectly legal.
Not in my house where my kids live.
I make the laws around here.
Oh.
Aren't you the happy little despot? Hey-- I see.
You are trying turn me into Reba.
And I say, "No.
No.
No.
" Hey, if you don't like it, you can just go live in a commune with Mr.
gravity man.
Hey, everybody.
Hey, Kim.
I hope you didn't come looking for fun, because Betty buzzkill is gonna stomp it to death.
Hey, Kim.
I was going over the notes for the meeting, and I came up with some great ideas.
Okay, actually that's what I came to talk to you about.
The meeting's been canceled.
Okay, see ya.
Why? Um, the room is flooded.
Okay, see ya.
Oh, my gosh.
What happened? A pipe broke, so Well, can't we move it to another room? No, 'cause all the rooms are flooded.
All the rooms are flooded? What are you, a cop? I-I'm sorry, Reba.
There's no broken pipe.
I was just lying so I didn't hurt your feelings.
Hurt my feelings how? They don't want you to be the chairperson.
In fact Oh, Reba, I'm sorry, they don't want you to come at all.
What? Yeah.
They heard about your little assault on principal Clark.
And Well, some of the ladies seem to think that you're a bully.
Okay, this is ridiculous.
I'm not a bully.
Mm, not according to principal Clark.
And he is gonna be there.
You do remember him, right? The victim? Well, I've got to be there.
I told June that I was gonna help get that music program funded.
Well, we all make promises to our kids that we can't keep.
You know what? I think it's kind of a good life lesson, right? We raise up their little expectations and then we just shatter them.
I am not gonna shatter June's.
What can I say? My hands are totally tied.
Unless you use your ace in the hole.
You play the sympathy card, Reba.
You make them feel sorry for you by saying that your husband cheated on you.
Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.
No.
This is private.
I'm gonna show up to that committee meeting and I'm gonna show 'em what kind of person I am.
Yeah, isn't that kind of what got you in trouble in the first place? Okay, then I'll bring some cookies, too.
Okay, you know what? Fine.
Have it your way.
Just make sure they're nut-free, 'cause it's a nut-free school.
Oh, no, it's not.
Man, yesterday I was a hillbilly with no friends.
But now, to make matters worse, I'm a bully.
Right.
A hill-bully.
Do not spread that around.
Those sort of names have a way of sticking to people.
Hey, cash.
Uh hi, Sienna.
You, uh, you know my name? Of course.
I know it's probably dangerous to be standing here, though In front of your locker.
Not really.
Oh, don't be so modest.
I heard what you did to Andrew.
Oh.
Well, it was It was--it was nothing.
I mean, uh, it was-- it was something.
It was def--uh, what, uh, what do you think it was? You went nuts on him.
That's so hot.
You appear to have given me your phone number.
Text me? Sure.
Not right now, you dork.
She's standing right there.
Oh, right.
Geoffrey, stop eating those cookies.
They're for the committee ladies.
I don't know why you care about what these women think about you anyway.
I don't.
But I wanna help save the music program.
This stupid misunderstanding is getting in the way.
I mean, it's not like I shot somebody.
It was just a little shove.
I mean, shoving is the white Malibu person's shooting, Reba.
Hey, but don't worry about it, because they are gonna love you when they see these autographed Kelly Clarkson Greatest Hits CDs that I got for you for the auction.
I can't believe you did that so fast.
Oh, yeah.
I'm a pro.
Hey, you don't know what Kelly Clarkson's signature looks like, do you? Here.
I'll show you our deck.
Cash? Hey.
And, hello, uh Uh, Sienna.
Oh, hi, Sienna.
Nice to meet you.
I thought you was gonna go to the basketball game.
We are.
I'm really sorry for what I'm about to do.
What are you talking about? Hey! I didn't come here for an interrogation! Excuse me? Give me a second to deal with this.
Okay, so here's the thing-- up until now, the only girls that talked to me at school were June and the cafeteria ladies.
But now all of a sudden Sienna's really into me 'cause she thinks I'm a bad boy.
So I-I gotta play it up.
You understand.
Hmm.
I understand there's no excuse for you to be disrespectful to your mother.
Right.
But if there ever was, this would be it.
Okay, I'm gonna go along with your little shenanigan.
But don't push your luck.
Get off my back, will you?! Thanks so much, really appreciate it.
I am out of here! I love you, mom.
Geoffrey, stop it! You've had enough.
I mean, I can't go to that committee meeting with half a platter of cookies.
I wouldn't mess with her.
She's a bully.
I'm not a bully.
I'm a butt-kicker.
There's a difference.
Now I'm gonna go to this committee meeting and sweetly kick some butts.
Bye.
Good luck! I guess I should get going, too.
Okay--ooh.
That was weird.
Baby, you okay? Is this the butter that Reba used to make those cookies? Why? My bud butter? What? I ate, like, six of those cookies! It's okay.
Oh! Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Am I dying? Yeah.
It's okay.
Am I Am I dying? No, no.
You're gonna be okay.
You're gonna be okay.
Okay.
Come on.
We gotta go.
We gotta stop her before she gives out those cookies at the meeting.
Okay, yeah, let's stop her.
I need my glasses! I don't have my glasses! No, no.
Come on.
They're on your head.
Oh.
So the guy says to me, "Oh, yeah? You and what army?" And I'm like, "My left army and my right army!" Pa-pow! Excuse me.
Oh.
Whoa.
How 'bout you back off there, tough guy? You're in front of my locker.
Oh, what? So now you own the place? Look, you better be careful, or else my boyfriend here is gonna kick your ass.
Wha--uh, um, I think I think he's being careful.
How 'bout you let me get my books? Dude, you are not gonna like where this goes.
What? I'm--he Ha.
Hey, he may be fine where this goes.
Who--who knows, right? Maybe--maybe it'll all just go away.
Cash, are you just gonna take this from him? No.
No What exactly am I taking-- Cash.
Okay.
Yeah.
I--hmm.
Uh, I don't want this to get ugly.
Oh.
It just got ugly.
Yeah, I sort of got that.
Hey--ha ha--ow! Ow, ow, ow! You're hurting my right army! Ow.
Ow.
Where are you-- Yeah Reba, I'm glad you're here.
So here's how this is gonna go down-- I am gonna say very loudly, "Reba, how is your husband?" And you are gonna say "He cheated on me.
" And then you're gonna cry.
I told you I'm not gonna do that.
Reba Hey, principal Clark.
Uh, about the other day, I hope there's no hard feelings.
Let's just put it behind us.
Great.
Great.
Uh hope I'm not in your bubble.
It's a sphere, not a bubble, and actually, you are.
How 'bout now? We good? Still in it.
I have a big sphere.
Okay, then.
Reba, what are you doing in Mr.
Clark's sphere? You know what, Kim? When I told cash he needed to stand up for himself, I meant it.
Now I'm gonna do the same thing.
Uh Hey, can I have everybody's attention, y'all? No, don't get y'all's attention.
We don't want y'all's attention.
Kim.
All right, I-I know that I come on a little strong, you know, steppin' into The sphere of comfort and whatever.
But Maybe you need a strong-willed person to help you save the music program.
What we need, Ms.
Mackenzie, and what I haven't seen in the three years this committee has existed are ideas.
Oh.
Well, you're in luck, Mr.
Clark, because I got a boatload of 'em.
Ooh! A fund-raiser on a boat.
I love it.
No.
A simple fund-raiser in the gym.
An auction.
I got a lot of music industry contacts.
I've even got a lot of signed CDs already and music concert tickets, all that kind of stuff.
Oh.
I have a vacation home in Aspen.
- We could auction off, like, a ski package or something.
- Yeah.
I bid $1,000.
Kim, why don't you wait for the auction? $10,000! It wouldn't cost us nothin'.
And we could raise a lot of money.
What do you say? I say it sounds pretty interesting.
Let's talk about it for a few minutes.
Okay.
Take all the time you need.
Yeah, I think we can do it.
Mama, what are you doing here? I want you to get those cookies.
Well, I think all the people-- I said get those cookies.
Why? What?! As a kite.
Oh! I miss my kite.
Oh.
Stupid tree.
I'm gonna deal with you when we get home.
Oh What? Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't eat that.
Why not? Uh, too many carbs.
Aah! No.
No.
No.
I'll take that.
No.
Thank you very much.
Uh! Nope.
No.
Aah.
Get that Ooh.
Stop it.
Ooh--oh! Give me that one, too.
You don't need it.
All right.
Who else has got some cookies? Y'all got cookies? Oh, my God.
Nobody eat the cookies! Nobody! Ms.
Mackenzie, stop it.
Leave everyone's cookies alone! Oh Look, you may have some good ideas, but you're too unstable to head this committee.
No, no.
I'm not unstable.
It's It's just that my My husband cheated on me.
Cry.
Cry.
I told you I'm not gonna cry.
I think you should cry.
Mine did, too.
Aw.
So did mine.
With her husband.
What? I can't believe you put me through that, Mama.
It's like I have a third child.
A third stoned child.
I said I am sorry.
I've learned my lesson, and what more do you want me to do, Reba? You know what I want from you? Your prescription card.
What? Mm-hmm.
That is so unfair! Give it to me, or I'm gonna go through your purse.
Fine.
Narc.
I hate you.
I love you.
I wish I was dead! You know, if that man with the tiny shorts shows up, send him to my room.
Hey, June, great news.
We're gonna have that music department up and running in no time.
Oh, actually, I've been thinking, and I'm not so sure I wanna do the music thing.
I'm thinking about fencing.
No, you're doing the music program.
Oh, but I decided-- Oh, you're doing the music thing.