Metalocalypse (2006) s01e08 Episode Script

What the?! Son of a bitch! F you! I think it's OK if we hate each other.
That's OK with me.
But we can't have this happen again.
It costs too much.
It appears the yard wolves has grown up.
Are we finally finished with the colds dead winters? Gentlemen, I have done some research, and to avoid future fights and riots the only answer I keep coming back to is band therapy.
~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Dethklok, Dethklok Dethklok, Dethklok ~ ~ I'll teach you ~ ~ Who rock ~ ~ Dethklok! Dethklok! ~ ~ Skwisgaar Skwigelf Taller than a tree ~ ~ Toki Wartooth Not a bumble bee ~ ~ William Murderface Murderface, Murderface ~ ~ Pickles the Drummer Doodily doo ~ ~ Ding-dong Doodily doodily doo ~ ~ Nathan Explosion ~ These Jordanian riots are all Dethklok's doing, gentlemen.
Acres of destruction in the Holy Lands because of an onstage quarrel.
Now it turns out they're in need of a band therapist.
General Krozier? His name is Dr.
Jon Twinkletits.
Was once in a big band called The Amazelingtons.
They broke up.
Twinkletits lost his mind.
He disappeared for 10 years.
Reemerged with a therapy degree and a bone to pick.
He's now being called the world's most extreme therapist by several reputable psychological publications.
I feel that if we send him in the band would turn inwards and tear itself apart.
Imagine how much more destruction could be caused by Dethklok fans if they were to disband.
That's a risk I feel we should consider taking.
We will allow for Dethklok to look inward.
There is nothing more dark than one's own soul.
Your band is in trouble.
You're on the verge of destroying each other! You're a bunch of jungle monkeys! You're hurting each other's feelings! And why?! Why? At the end of the day, what's What's so great about that? 'Cause you know what that tells me? I ain't OK with myself.
I'm not OK with this guy over here.
It literally makes me ill to see people do that.
You're a family.
You are! Do you know that? And, well, if you don't want that, Jack, there's the door! Take a walk.
Take a hike.
I know what I'm talking about 'cause I was in a band once.
Well, I bet you guys totally sucked.
The worst band ever of all ti I'm in charge of you now, you ugly idiots.
I'm here to help you.
And you need help.
Why? Because you're weak, you're terrified, and you're out of control.
One small move and you could lose everything.
Everything! Now, is that what you want? Good.
Then let's begin, shall we? - You slapped at my face.
- No, I didn't.
You should know that we don't really let anybody in here.
Relax, tonto.
Don't get all neurotic on me.
Jeezy! I'm just going to observe you all.
Now, I want you all to be yourselves.
Act like I'm not here.
Go.
Don't worry.
I been trying to do that since you got here.
Well, then it shouldn't be a problem then, should it, smart-ass! Dude, no hitting.
Do it again, Toki.
Take 164.
Just let me record it.
Each take gets worse.
He's slowly learning how to unplay the guitar.
I can hear that.
The talk-back mic is on.
Pickles, please let me know when the talk-back mic is on so that Mr.
Sensitives don'ts goes to cries-babies house for vacation.
- I can stills hear you.
- So, what do you want? - A be-able-to-hear-things award? - Not really.
Doesn't sound like a great award to be honest.
- Is this the way you normally record? - Well, yeah.
What, you just push little Toki around? - Yeah.
He likes it.
- Yeah, he likes it! - Yeah.
I mean, what's right? - What's wrong with that? - Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea what that's doing to his little ego? Listen! We're gonna do an exercise an exercise in changing band dynamics.
This idea is dildos.
Toki, you are now the lead singer of the band.
- No, thanks.
- Your creative voice is unappreciated and we are going to change that.
Honestly, I don't wants no creative voice.
It's cool.
Are you kidding me?! You are now the lead singer! Go! Make up some lyrics! One, two, three, go! ~ Honey ~ ~ Who, who? ~ When punctured, the ocular sphere emits a liquid jelly known as the vitreous humor.
When squozen with considerable pressure the hard and marble-like lens can jettison back into their own eyes, blinding them.
- I didn't know that.
- I did.
Band meeting, everyone.
Band meeting.
Dude, you may be a therapist, but you can't call a band meeting.
Yes, I can! For the purposes of these exercises, I am a band member.
To reward Toki for his brave work today, I should like to give him something that the rest of you may one day earn.
The banana sticker.
How come he gets he gets the banana sticker? Don't I get one? No, Murderface.
You do not get a banana sticker.
Not until you have proven yourself.
Until then, these banana stickers shall remain locked in here.
- What happened back there? - I don't care.
Hey, I've got an idea.
Let's rock talk.
- No.
- Come on.
Don't you want to get in touch with, you know, your your inner dude? No, thanks.
I hate that guy.
Now we're getting somewhere.
Let's rock talk about that.
- I don't wanna.
- What a shame.
You know, I I guess I'll just have to, you know, hold onto all these banana stickers.
- I got, like, a million - OK.
I'll rock talk.
Good.
I want you to tell me about young Murderface.
Talk me a nice story about when Murderface was a little tiny boy.
Well, OK.
Here goes.
- How could I have ever married you?! - My God, no! - I'll kill you! - No, no! Here goes! And now I kill myself! First my left leg! Good! Now the right! Now the arm.
Now my face! Yeah.
That was good rock talk.
~ I'm the monkey You're the monkey ~ ~ But you're the one Who's held for ransom ~ ~ You strike me in my throat ~ ~ You with your banana stickers ~ ~ We're behind the 8-ball We're behind the 8-ball ~ ~ We're behind the 8-ball We're behind the 8-ball ~ ~ Psycho, logically ~ ~ Came down, at you ~ Hey! This is Jon Twinkletits.
Remember me? I was in The Amazelingtons with you.
Just wanted to let you know that I'm in another band and we're called Dethklok.
No big whoop.
Just give me a call back whenever you can.
But then again, you probably can't because I killed you! - I'm telling you, he's crazy.
- How could you say something like that? He's a genius.
All right, this is getting completely out of control.
Twinkletits thinks he's in our band.
I think we gotta fire him.
Wait.
We can do that? Yeah.
I just found out we can fire anybody we employ.
- Can we's fire ourselves? - Yeah.
No, I found that out, too.
- Can we give ourselves a raise? - Yeah.
I mean, I think so.
Don't quote me on that, but I think we can.
Oh, dude, then I You know, I give myself a raise right now.
- Yeah, I give me a raise, too.
- I give myself a solid-gold telephone.
I give myself a bunch of boats with a bunch of Vietnamese people on them on fire.
Dudes, I just thought about something.
If we fire Twinkletits, then we ain't gonna see no more banana stickers.
All right.
We got a lot of work to do today because We're going on tour.
Hey! We were thinking Not very hard, but you're fired.
Yeah.
We hate you.
- I'm sorry, what? - Hey, it's not that bad.
You know, I pride myself on being able to pit people against each other.
But you're amazing.
You're a real dick.
And I appreciate that.
But we never want to see you again, you ugly idiot dick! Hold on for a second.
I'm your therapist.
Hey, I ain't no therapist, but I hate your mustache.
Don't you want a banana sticker? We won't be needing your banana stickers! We have found out that you can just, you know buy psychological validations.
So You sons of bitches.
How dare you?! I am the band! You can't kick me out! I'll kick you out! You're all fired, you bunch of stupid pussies! I'll kill you! What?! I'm still alive.
I'm still Look.
The wolves eat him.
Yes, Toki.
And his body will nourish the wolves.
I believe the cycle of learning is complete.
Indeeds.
Alls of us should learn the lesson.
- Yeah.
And what lesson might that be? - I haves no idea.
But it's pretty metal that he's being eaten.
Look at that right there.
I loved him.
I Can say that now.
Now that he's dead it's much easier to say emotional things about him.
Yes.
Maybe this is weird to say but am I the only one who's being made to feel hungry by watching this? Let's eat.