Mighty Med (2013) s01e08 Episode Script

Dude, what are you doing? That's my sandwich.
I don't see your name on it.
I don't have my name on my shirt either.
That doesn't mean you should eat my shirt.
Jeez, you eat a guy's shirt one time, And nobody lets you forget it.
I had no idea cartwheels could be so mopey.
What's wrong, skylar? The school says all new students Have to have a parent-teacher conference.
But you don't even have parents.
Everybody on your planet is genetically engineered In a pod of nutrient solution.
It's pretty gross.
I don't know what to do.
I mean, I really like being connie valentine, And I really like going to school here, And I don't want to have to drop out.
Why don't you ask horace to pretend To be your father at the meeting? Yeah, he's kind of like a father figure.
Yesterday, I asked him a question, and he said, "I don't know, go ask your mother.
" That's actually a good idea.
I will ask horace.
Thanks.
I forgot my apple.
Oh, is this yours? Yes, I picked it fresh this morning, Right out of the trash.
Man: Okay, go.
every day's an adventure you never know by the looks on our face at the school when we enter hit the comic store, read up before the journey all these new issues and superpowers if we didn't have to work, we'd be here for hours but have you ever seen superheroes on a gurney? will we save the world today? you never know will we all be safe today? you never know will we fly away or stay? you never know but you know we're mighty med, team up and let's go! saving people that save people after classes we flip the page then jump to action they call us normo, normally fantastic seeing superheroes that we only imagined this type of life, you got to have fight put up your fists and fight for what's right never can tell, what we see is out of sight do the same thing tomorrow that we did tonight you never know, will we all be safe today? you never know will we fly away or stay? you never know but you know we mighty med team up and let's go! Okay, gray granite, let's check your reflexes.
Reflex time a little slow.
Boys, I'm glad you're here.
Yesterday at work, you may have been exposed To the protean super-virus.
We've contained it to the hospital, But you'll need a vaccination.
Oh, no.
What's wrong with him? He's deathly afraid of needles.
All needles! Last week, my mom had a knitting circle at our house, And I threw up on my aunt's afghan.
Or maybe it was a sheepdog.
It was hard to tell with all the throw-up on it.
Yeah, I was there.
It was not pretty.
Unlike this hat they knitted for me.
Hey, calm down.
I'll go get you some water.
Do we have the virus? What are the symptoms? First, your vocal chords tighten, Causing what we call monster voice.
Excuse me.
Monster voice.
Next, you become incredibly weak, Even by pathetic normo standards.
Then comes loss of coordination, Followed by sudden and rapid beard growth.
I can live with that.
Anything's better than getting a shot.
Oh, I almost forgot.
Within two hours of growing a beard, Your brain melts and pours out of your nostrils Like a slushie.
Huh.
I don't know why I made such a big deal.
That was just a shot to numb your arm For the actual shot.
Back it in, boys! Don't worry.
This won't hurt a bit.
It'll hurt a lot.
What? You want him to pretend to be your father? Alan, stay out of this.
What? You want me to pretend to be your father? Look, I know it's a huge favor to ask I'd like to help you, skylar, but I'm very busy.
Not only do I have a hospital to run, I'm also waxing the floors right now.
Horace, I really want to go to normo school.
It's all I have to look forward to now That I don't have any powers.
Please? It's one meeting.
Fifteen minutes.
Well Uncle horace! Skylar shouldn't be going to that school! Superheroes and normos don't mix.
They're like sugar and water.
Sugar and water mix incredibly easily.
What are they teaching you at your school? I'm supposed to be home-schooled.
By you.
Well, then I'm doing a terrible job.
Skylar, I can see how important this is to you, So I'll do it.
Thank you so much.
No fair! Uncle horace never do anything for I! Me sick of it! That reminds me.
Tomorrow's home-school lesson Basic english grammar.
Kaz: I hate clean-up day.
It's so unfair.
If I have to do this, the janitor Should have to take my math test.
I bet he'd do better than you.
Totally.
The odds are like Twelve.
I don't know how to do odds.
My throat's a little dry.
Could you hand me that ( monster voice ) milk carton you just threw away? You okay, gus? You sound like a monster.
I feel weird.
( monster voice ) ah, much better.
Thanks.
Okay then.
Here, hold this.
Quit fooling around, gus.
I'm not fooling around.
I feel so weak.
This thing weighs like a ton! You can finish this by yourself.
I don't have time for your little games.
I'm also inherently lazy.
Miss gleason, this is my father.
Thanks so much for coming in, mr.
Valentine.
I can't tell you how delightful connie is.
Why can't you tell me? Do you have some kind of speech malfunction? Oh, and one more question, who is connie? Oh, daddy.
He refuses to call me connie.
He insists on calling me by my full name Connecticut.
Anyway, your daughter is one of the most well-behaved, Naturally brilliant students I've ever had the pleasure of teaching.
You obviously are doing something right.
Thank you.
I am a wonderful father.
But I owe all my happiness to my little connecticut.
And her baby twin sisters, Virginia and west virginia.
Love you, daddy.
Now if you'd kindly sign these forms, mr.
Valentine.
Please, call me daddy.
Why would I do that? I don't know.
I like the ring of it.
But if that makes you uncomfortable, Call me pop pop.
What is with gus today? He seems no weirder than usual.
He is.
He's talking like a monster, He said he was too weak to lift an empty bag, and now this! He's stealing all my best dance moves! Oh, no.
Those are the symptoms of the protean super-virus! But how would gus have been exposed to it? He's never been to mighty med.
Yesterday he ate your sandwich.
We were exposed to the virus, And now he has been too! And one of the symptoms is awesome dance moves? Kaz, this is serious.
Once he gets the last symptom, His brain will start to melt.
What's the last symptom? Sudden beard growth.
This is a disaster! I wanted to be the first one of us who had to shave.
So how long before gus's brain melts? Less than the total running time Of the crusher return.
Why can't you just say an hour and forty-eight minutes? Because I measure time in movie lengths.
Just like I measure my weight in trading cards.
I'm up to 31,009.
I'm trying to lose a few cards.
Anyway, we need to get him to mighty med If gus finds out about mighty med, Horace will have us all cubed.
And I don't know about you, But I like being taller than I am wide.
I don't know why, But I have the sudden urge to go prospecting for gold.
Okay, we'll just sneak gus into mighty med Without anyone finding out he's a normo, And without him finding out mighty med is a hospital For superheroes.
How are we gonna do that? I don't know yet.
I just need an opening credits of Citadel two: Resurrection to think.
Wait! I have the perfect plan! This costume is your perfect plan? Admittedly, when I thought of it, I didn't realize it would involve taking off his pants.
Why are we at a hospital? You said we were going live action role playing.
This hospital has live action role playing thursdays.
This week's theme is superheroes.
What superhero am I? You're The broom! You sweep criminals off the street, But you never sweep justice under the rug.
Fighting evil is no chore for the broom! Your enemies may be dirty, but We got it! We're running out of time.
We can't let him die.
You hide him, I'll get the vaccine.
So when do we start the live action role playing game? Because I want her on my team.
She is smoking! There's my little superstar! Oh, I have a presentation later at school, For the business club.
We each have to come up with a product And a marketing plan for it.
Oh, we can do it together! I recently you-need-my-help Saw an interesting documentary You-need-my-help about subliminal marketing You-need-my-help.
Thanks, but I've already got my product.
I'm making portable backdrops For when you want to take a selfie.
Great, I can give you a ride to school And come to your presentation.
Oh, um Bo-beep! Oh, no.
A text from school.
It says the presentation has been postponed.
Forever! Darn it! That's too bad.
But you know what will make you feel better? Some nice father-daughter time.
How about learning to ride a bike Without training wheels? I already know how to do that.
But I don't.
You could teach me! No, no, no.
You can't take this, because No one's using it.
Yeah, take a hike! You swiped a forklift? Man, I can't believe you! You know I've always wanted to do that! Get off.
I want to drive.
Gus's brain is about to turn into a slushie! What? Oh, in the role playing game.
It's all a game.
Maybe we should get horace.
And get fired? Or cubed? Besides there's not enough time.
Let's get the shot.
Hey, I could use a hand here.
I can't.
I'm afraid of needles.
Oliver.
One of our best friends is about to have his brains Pour out his nostrils! And as cool as that would be to see, I don't want to lose him.
You're right.
It would be cool.
His beard is shrinking! That's the exact opposite of What's happening to my aunt debra! We did it! He's getting better! What's happening to him? I don't know! Let me read the instructions.
Okay, the fine print says, "suitable for use on normos.
" That's good.
But the really really fine print says, "if this vaccine is used on normos, Side effects may include dizziness, Dry mouth, genetic mutations, Fits of violence and chronic supervillainy.
" Maybe he won't get all the side effects.
( growling ) I'm hungry! For power! You ever wish we'd just gotten a job at a pizza place? Well, kyle, Your invention is a great way To harness zombie power for farming.
Okay, next up is connecticut valentine.
Tired of all your friends Posting great pics from vacation While you're stuck at home? Well, porta-selfie has got your back.
With this green screen, You can put yourself anywhere.
Mount rushmore.
The eiffel tower.
The planet korlax Which I've never been to and doesn't exist.
Horace? I mean Dad? What's going on? I thought the presentation got postponed.
Bo-beep! Oh, look.
A text.
The postponement postponing the presentation Has been postponed.
I just wanted to bring you a snack, But now I can watch! Mr.
Valentine, we encourage parents to get involved, But they usually don't show up to school unannounced.
I can't help it if the other parents Don't love their children.
Sorry, but they don't.
Go on, sweetie.
Do your thang.
Anyway With my expandable backdrops, You can even snap a shot of you and someone else, Like your bff And by bff, she means best father forever! I'm not implying your fathers aren't good, I'm bluntly saying it.
They aren't good.
Miss gleason, could you excuse us for a minute? Isn't she the cutest? Not that you guys aren't cute, but you aren't.
Horace, what is going on with you? What? Is it so terrible for a father To be supportive of his daughter? No, but one minor detail, I'm not actually your daughter! If you want to pester someone, Pester your own kids.
I wish I could, but I can't.
Well, why not? Because I don't have any kids.
I always dreamed of having children of my own To take to the circus, and to the petting zoo Because when I go by myself, I get strange looks.
Mostly from the animals.
They can smell the loneliness.
Anyway, pretending to be your father Reminded me how much I'd like to be a real one.
But you do have family, And a kid to spend time with.
Alan.
Alan? Your nephew? This tall? Kind of obnoxious? Brown hair? Kind of obnoxious? But you're so wonderful, And he's kind of obnoxious.
Your words not mine.
Besides, alan has a father.
Not a great father, he's never around.
But I'm just his uncle.
Yeah, but an uncle who's there Is better than a father who isn't.
I never thought of it like that.
I will spend more time with alan.
Anyway, I'll leave you alone.
From now on, you're dead to me.
I think you're going too far the other way.
What I mean is, I'm not used To having anyone involved in my life.
And even though you went a little nutso, It's nice having someone care about me.
Thanks.
Wow, you really can smell the loneliness.
Gus is absorbing the powers Of every superhero in the hospital! He's taking blue tornado's power to control the weather! He's sucking the life out of everyone Just like the regular gus! Who made this mess? I just waxed these floors! What's going on? We accidentally infected our friend gus With the supervirus.
So we gave him the vaccine, and this happened! Gray granite, you see that little boy Who turned into a supervillain through no fault of his own? Pull his legs off.
We've got to find a way to cure gus! He's going to destroy gus.
When superheroes genetically mutate, Their entire biological make-up changes.
So gus is no longer a normo! So maybe the vaccine will wipe away the virus And the side effects! Okay, here's the vaccine, But we don't have the injector.
Gray granite's staff! Wow, this thing weighs like Gus, are you okay? What's going on? Where am I? I'm glad your friend's okay.
However, now that he knows about mighty med, He'll have to be cubed.
Or we can make him into a paperweight.
Can't you erase his memory or something? Well, I really need a new paperweight, but okay.
This is a new model.
I've never used it before.
I'm dr.
Horace diaz, and I run this hospital.
Who are you and what can you do? Well, gus has no memory of what happened.
I wonder if he's back to normal.
Gus, what are you doing? That's my test paper! What? You weren't eating it.
I wasn't going to eat it.
It's a test paper.
Then what are you complaining about? Yep, he's back to normal.
And so is horace.
Speaking of which, whatever happened with you guys? Well, I convinced him to spend more time with alan.
Unfortunately, this isn't exactly what I had in mind.
And begin.
Nice job, sweetie! Way to fill in that blank! Hey, gleason! You teach like a girl! That's my family.