Mr Pickles (2013) s01e08 Episode Script
Coma
[Birds chirping, cat meows.]
Hey.
Did you know medical waste is good for the environment? Nah, stop pulling my leg.
[Laughter.]
Hey! Quit chewing up my shoe, dog.
Mr.
Pickles: [Barks.]
Aah! Aah! Hey, stop pulling my leg! [Screams.]
Tommy: Mr.
Pickles! [Screams.]
S01E08 Coma Stanley: [Groans.]
- Where is that newspaper already? - Beverly: It'll be here.
Just relax.
Oh, Mr.
Pickles.
Hmm.
Tommy: I know! You can read me my favorite book, dad.
Stanley: Sorry, - I have to work.
- Tommy: Oh, you always - have to work.
- Grandpa: Ah, I think Mr.
Pickles has been doing something to me in my sleep.
[Stomach growling.]
Beverly: Dad, Mr.
Pickles is - a good boy.
- Stanley: Ah, look at him.
- No bills, no job.
- Beverly: Oh, Mr.
Pickles.
Stanley: Not a care in the world.
[Sighs.]
I wish I was a dog.
[Bicycle bell rings.]
Stanley: Huh? Yeah! Stanley: [Grunts.]
Beverly: Stanley! - Tommy: Dad! - The newspapers be on - digital tablets now, yo! - Stanley: I wish I was dog.
[Distorted voice.]
I wish I was a dog.
[Normal voice.]
Huh? Oh.
A cat! I gotta get that cat! What the hey! What's the matter with my legs? Where are my clothes? - Tommy: Mr.
Goodman! - Stanley: Huh? That's me! That's me! [Groans.]
[Panting.]
Tommy: There you are, - Mr.
Goodman.
- Stanley: Uh, call me "dad," Tommy.
Tommy: What's that, boy? - Stanley: Huh? - Tommy: You want - some scratches? - Um Ahh.
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tommy: Dad? Can you do something - with me today? - Stanley: Um [Tommy: You alwaysrking.]
Have to work, dad.
Stanley: But I'm your dad.
Or am I a dog? [Gasps.]
Oh! Tommy: [Laughing.]
Beverly: Mr.
Pickles.
Take out the trash, - mow the lawn, pay the bills - Stanley: Wait, I'm not responsible for any of those things.
I'm free! I can do whatever I oh.
Beverly: You sure are barking up a storm, Mr.
Goodman.
Stanley: Barking? I'm not oh, look at that leg.
I like your leg, I like your leg.
- Beverly: Mr.
Goodman! - Grandpa: That Mr.
Goodman is evil.
Aah! Stanley: Ah, wait! [Screams.]
Tommy: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up, dad! Come on! - A coma could last forever.
- Beverly: Oh, no! Tommy: Wake up! [Bell ringing.]
- Beverly: Tommy, please.
- Tommy: But I want dad - to read my story to me! - Beverly: Tommy, go play - and let dad rest.
- [Laughs evilly.]
Perfect for harvesting.
- Hey, now! How you doin'? - Tommy: Terrible! - No! What? - Tommy: I'm so mad at the newspaper boy, I don't know what to do.
Yeah, yeah, Tommy.
I find that when you're mad at somebody, you should tell 'em how you feel.
- Hey, ladies! Where you goin'? - Tommy: Okay, Mr.
Pickles, go watch over dad.
[Sniffs.]
[Wand beeping.]
Grandpa: Come on.
These beeps are coming from the rectal area, sir.
Grandpa: What?! We've got a packer.
- Hurry up, Floyd.
- Beverly: Hi, guys.
- Nice of you to stop by.
- Oh, we're not here for Goodman.
We're here for lunch.
- Beverly: Oh.
- I'm gonna break my record - and eat 1,000 hot dogs.
- Get back to work, Goodman.
- Hey, what's that thing do? - Beverly: This book? - You read it? - Oh, yeah? Do do that.
Beverly: All right.
"There once was a wiggly, windy road that went on and on, wriggling and winding, - wriggling and winding" - Tommy: Come on, Mr.
Goodman! Stanley: Ah! A shoe.
[Growls.]
- Whoa! Down, dog.
- Stanley: Sorry, sorry.
Hey, pal.
Wanna sniff butts? Stanley: Yes, I do.
Oh, yeah.
Stanley: Oh, that smells good.
Mmm, oaky.
Hey, let me get a sniff.
Stanley: Very nice.
Oh, yeah.
Stanley: That is a nice smelling butt you have.
Oh, yeah.
Tommy: I'm sad.
I wanted my dad to do something with me, but he has to work.
Well, I could do lots of somethings.
- Whee! - Tommy: Whee! Stanley: Tommy, you get down from him.
- Why you talkin' to him? - Yeah, he doesn't know what you're saying.
Nobody does.
Stanley: You mean, I can say anything to anyone, - and they can't understand me? - Dog pile! Stanley: Hey! Come on, you guys.
I can't breathe! [Laughter.]
- Stanley: I can't breathe! - Beverly: "And the road straightened for a moment, then suddenly - it started to wind again.
" - Damn! I thought it was gonna go straight.
Shh! Mr.
Pickles: [Growls.]
Beverly: Oh! Uh, just fluffing - his pillows.
[Chuckles.]
- Beverly: Thank you.
Read! Read! Read! Read! Shh.
Sorry.
Print is dead, yo! Read it right here on this new tablet device.
I'll take a paper.
Here you go.
[Grunts.]
[Horn blares.]
Tommy: Hey! Thanks to you, - my dad is in a coma.
- Yo, I'm sorry, yo! Tommy: The worst part is, he can't read me a story.
I guess that's what happens when print is dead.
Yo, dawg, we threw the printing press away, but you could write your own book with this! [Typing.]
Words! Beverly: "And on and on the road went until It kept going.
It kept going" Stanley: [Grunts.]
Pickles! Mr.
Pickles: [Barks.]
Make some sales - or your lousy butt is fired.
- Stanley: Who are you calling a lousy butt, you worthless little snit?! - Huh? - Stanley: Boss schmoss.
You're a piece of moss.
Boy, that felt good.
Get this yapping dog out of here.
- He's disgusting! - Stanley: I hate you! [Growls.]
Aah, my butt! - I always knew you hated him.
- Stanley: Hi, Floyd.
- Wait, you can understand me? - You're in a dream, - Mr.
Goodman.
- Stanley: A dream? I must be your dream guide.
Here, let's see.
Oh! I can do this.
Whee! Stanley: Whoa.
A cat! A cat! I'm gonna get you! Oh, there's cats everywhere! Hey, shoes! Oh, yeah.
[Growling.]
[Gasps.]
Bones, bones, bones, bones! [Growls.]
- Fetch! - Stanley: I'll get that! [Panting.]
There he is! [Chuckles.]
Stanley: Hey, hey! What are you doing? It's off to the pound with you.
- Death row.
[Laughs.]
- Oh, yeah.
"If the person dies in their dream, they'll die in real life, too.
" Hey, look what else I can do.
- Stanley: What? Oh, no.
No! - Beverly: "Down the wiggly, windy road he went.
Then he came to another wiggly part of the road and guess what? It was winding.
" Our x-rays show that you have several items in your rectum.
- Grandpa: Huh? - One slinky.
- Grandpa: No! - Part of a guitar.
- Grandpa: Oh.
- One roller skate.
Oh! I'm gonna have to get - all the way in there.
- Grandpa: No, please! [Groans.]
One empty jar of Pickles.
- And let's take lunch, everybody.
- Grandpa: What? Hello! Mr.
Pickles, was that you? Mr.
Pickles: [Whines.]
Why am I in the morgue? Shh.
Oh.
Oh, yeah, you lookin' good.
What are you doing with that thing? Aah! Mr.
Pickles: [Whines.]
Get all the organs, baby.
Then we can pay off our college loans.
Well, I'm working on a patient in a coma.
He'll be ready for harvesting soon.
[Moaning.]
Beverly: "The End.
" [Gasps.]
Read us another story.
Beverly: But I don't have another book.
- Read us a story! - All: Read us a story! Read us a story! Read us a story! Stanley: Wait a minute.
I don't like this.
[Laughing.]
Heil, Pitler! - Stanley: Hello.
- Get in there.
Stanley: Whoa.
Hey, guys! [Laughing.]
Stanley: Uh, hi, there.
Stanley Goodman.
And you are? About to have a party.
Get him! Hold him down.
Get down.
My mother was a chihuahua Stanley: [Chuckles.]
Guys! And my father was - a St.
Bernard.
[Spits.]
- Stanley: Hey! Whoa! [Screaming.]
Welcome to prison, bitch.
[Laughs.]
Stanley: Oh, no! Help! [Monitor beeping.]
[Paddles thunk.]
Would you just die already? Mr.
Pickles: [Barks.]
Huh? Quiet! Here.
Every dog loves hot dogs.
Mr.
Pickles: [Whines.]
Huh? Aah! Oh! You want a quickie? Mr.
Pickles: [Panting.]
You can at least take my clothes off.
- A bone, a shoe.
- Grandpa: What the One cat.
[Meows.]
What's this? It's buzzing? Ticking? Metallic? We got a bomb! Nurses: [Gasp.]
One more hot dog and you'll beat your record.
Hey! We need to ejaculate - the hospital.
- Evacuate.
That's what I said.
Where to? Patients: Read us a story! Read us a story! Beverly: Just go to the library! Perfect! Nobody goes there anymore.
Patients: Read us a story! Read us a story! - Read us a story! - Oh, I've been waiting a long time for this, Mr.
Goodman.
[Laughs.]
Stanley: Oh, I don't wanna be a dog anymore.
- You'll die in real life, too.
- Stanley: I don't wanna - be a dog anymore.
- You'll die in real life, too.
Stanley: I don't wanna be a dog anymore.
- I smell hot dogs.
don't you? - Patients: Read us a story! Beverly: Yes, uh, I'd like to take out a book.
We put them all in storage.
You can check your e-mail - if you'd like.
[Chuckles.]
- Tommy: Oh, I have a book.
Patients: Hooray! Be quiet.
Shh Tommy: My dad.
He used to do lots of things with me.
One time, he showed me what a turtle was.
He showed me what a turtle was.
Stanley: Please! D-d-don't kill me, please.
[Laughing.]
Stanley: Hey, - that's a turtle.
Huh? - Tommy: Wow, - so that's a turtle.
- Stanley: Hey, I know you.
Hi, dad! Hi, dad.
Stanley: Wait, I think I'm a dad, not a dog.
- Huh? My clothes! - Get back here, Mr.
Goodman! - Stanley: Oh, no! Oh, no! - Tommy: Another time, my dad showed me how he saved money.
Stanley: 70 degrees? I'll go broke! [Groaning.]
My legs! I can stand! [Screams.]
Stanley: Oh.
[Screams.]
Tommy: And then one day, I walked in to wake up my dad, and he had a lump in his pajama pants.
What's that, dad? [Groans.]
Tommy: Wow! [Chuckles.]
Stanley: No, Tommy! Don't touch that! Wait! Beverly: Stanley! Stanley: Aah! - Tommy: [Gasps.]
Dad! - Welcome back, dawg.
Stanley: Dog? Dog.
No.
Oh, where's grandpa? False alarm! It was just an alarm clock.
Mr.
Pickles: [Barks.]
Stanley: Ohh.
- It was just a dream.
- Tommy: There's that thing again.
Stanley: No, Tommy, don't! All: [Gasp.]
Hot dog! Stanley: Aah! [Camera shutter clicks.]
Stanley: You know, it's great that you and Tommy got people to appreciate books again.
Tommy: So can you read me my book now? Stanley: Sorry, Tommy.
Late for work.
Grandpa: Mr.
Pickles should go to the pound.
Stanley: Well, I think being a dog is a lot harder than some people think.
Good boy.
Mr.
Pickles: [Barking.]
Help!
Hey.
Did you know medical waste is good for the environment? Nah, stop pulling my leg.
[Laughter.]
Hey! Quit chewing up my shoe, dog.
Mr.
Pickles: [Barks.]
Aah! Aah! Hey, stop pulling my leg! [Screams.]
Tommy: Mr.
Pickles! [Screams.]
S01E08 Coma Stanley: [Groans.]
- Where is that newspaper already? - Beverly: It'll be here.
Just relax.
Oh, Mr.
Pickles.
Hmm.
Tommy: I know! You can read me my favorite book, dad.
Stanley: Sorry, - I have to work.
- Tommy: Oh, you always - have to work.
- Grandpa: Ah, I think Mr.
Pickles has been doing something to me in my sleep.
[Stomach growling.]
Beverly: Dad, Mr.
Pickles is - a good boy.
- Stanley: Ah, look at him.
- No bills, no job.
- Beverly: Oh, Mr.
Pickles.
Stanley: Not a care in the world.
[Sighs.]
I wish I was a dog.
[Bicycle bell rings.]
Stanley: Huh? Yeah! Stanley: [Grunts.]
Beverly: Stanley! - Tommy: Dad! - The newspapers be on - digital tablets now, yo! - Stanley: I wish I was dog.
[Distorted voice.]
I wish I was a dog.
[Normal voice.]
Huh? Oh.
A cat! I gotta get that cat! What the hey! What's the matter with my legs? Where are my clothes? - Tommy: Mr.
Goodman! - Stanley: Huh? That's me! That's me! [Groans.]
[Panting.]
Tommy: There you are, - Mr.
Goodman.
- Stanley: Uh, call me "dad," Tommy.
Tommy: What's that, boy? - Stanley: Huh? - Tommy: You want - some scratches? - Um Ahh.
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tommy: Dad? Can you do something - with me today? - Stanley: Um [Tommy: You alwaysrking.]
Have to work, dad.
Stanley: But I'm your dad.
Or am I a dog? [Gasps.]
Oh! Tommy: [Laughing.]
Beverly: Mr.
Pickles.
Take out the trash, - mow the lawn, pay the bills - Stanley: Wait, I'm not responsible for any of those things.
I'm free! I can do whatever I oh.
Beverly: You sure are barking up a storm, Mr.
Goodman.
Stanley: Barking? I'm not oh, look at that leg.
I like your leg, I like your leg.
- Beverly: Mr.
Goodman! - Grandpa: That Mr.
Goodman is evil.
Aah! Stanley: Ah, wait! [Screams.]
Tommy: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up, dad! Come on! - A coma could last forever.
- Beverly: Oh, no! Tommy: Wake up! [Bell ringing.]
- Beverly: Tommy, please.
- Tommy: But I want dad - to read my story to me! - Beverly: Tommy, go play - and let dad rest.
- [Laughs evilly.]
Perfect for harvesting.
- Hey, now! How you doin'? - Tommy: Terrible! - No! What? - Tommy: I'm so mad at the newspaper boy, I don't know what to do.
Yeah, yeah, Tommy.
I find that when you're mad at somebody, you should tell 'em how you feel.
- Hey, ladies! Where you goin'? - Tommy: Okay, Mr.
Pickles, go watch over dad.
[Sniffs.]
[Wand beeping.]
Grandpa: Come on.
These beeps are coming from the rectal area, sir.
Grandpa: What?! We've got a packer.
- Hurry up, Floyd.
- Beverly: Hi, guys.
- Nice of you to stop by.
- Oh, we're not here for Goodman.
We're here for lunch.
- Beverly: Oh.
- I'm gonna break my record - and eat 1,000 hot dogs.
- Get back to work, Goodman.
- Hey, what's that thing do? - Beverly: This book? - You read it? - Oh, yeah? Do do that.
Beverly: All right.
"There once was a wiggly, windy road that went on and on, wriggling and winding, - wriggling and winding" - Tommy: Come on, Mr.
Goodman! Stanley: Ah! A shoe.
[Growls.]
- Whoa! Down, dog.
- Stanley: Sorry, sorry.
Hey, pal.
Wanna sniff butts? Stanley: Yes, I do.
Oh, yeah.
Stanley: Oh, that smells good.
Mmm, oaky.
Hey, let me get a sniff.
Stanley: Very nice.
Oh, yeah.
Stanley: That is a nice smelling butt you have.
Oh, yeah.
Tommy: I'm sad.
I wanted my dad to do something with me, but he has to work.
Well, I could do lots of somethings.
- Whee! - Tommy: Whee! Stanley: Tommy, you get down from him.
- Why you talkin' to him? - Yeah, he doesn't know what you're saying.
Nobody does.
Stanley: You mean, I can say anything to anyone, - and they can't understand me? - Dog pile! Stanley: Hey! Come on, you guys.
I can't breathe! [Laughter.]
- Stanley: I can't breathe! - Beverly: "And the road straightened for a moment, then suddenly - it started to wind again.
" - Damn! I thought it was gonna go straight.
Shh! Mr.
Pickles: [Growls.]
Beverly: Oh! Uh, just fluffing - his pillows.
[Chuckles.]
- Beverly: Thank you.
Read! Read! Read! Read! Shh.
Sorry.
Print is dead, yo! Read it right here on this new tablet device.
I'll take a paper.
Here you go.
[Grunts.]
[Horn blares.]
Tommy: Hey! Thanks to you, - my dad is in a coma.
- Yo, I'm sorry, yo! Tommy: The worst part is, he can't read me a story.
I guess that's what happens when print is dead.
Yo, dawg, we threw the printing press away, but you could write your own book with this! [Typing.]
Words! Beverly: "And on and on the road went until It kept going.
It kept going" Stanley: [Grunts.]
Pickles! Mr.
Pickles: [Barks.]
Make some sales - or your lousy butt is fired.
- Stanley: Who are you calling a lousy butt, you worthless little snit?! - Huh? - Stanley: Boss schmoss.
You're a piece of moss.
Boy, that felt good.
Get this yapping dog out of here.
- He's disgusting! - Stanley: I hate you! [Growls.]
Aah, my butt! - I always knew you hated him.
- Stanley: Hi, Floyd.
- Wait, you can understand me? - You're in a dream, - Mr.
Goodman.
- Stanley: A dream? I must be your dream guide.
Here, let's see.
Oh! I can do this.
Whee! Stanley: Whoa.
A cat! A cat! I'm gonna get you! Oh, there's cats everywhere! Hey, shoes! Oh, yeah.
[Growling.]
[Gasps.]
Bones, bones, bones, bones! [Growls.]
- Fetch! - Stanley: I'll get that! [Panting.]
There he is! [Chuckles.]
Stanley: Hey, hey! What are you doing? It's off to the pound with you.
- Death row.
[Laughs.]
- Oh, yeah.
"If the person dies in their dream, they'll die in real life, too.
" Hey, look what else I can do.
- Stanley: What? Oh, no.
No! - Beverly: "Down the wiggly, windy road he went.
Then he came to another wiggly part of the road and guess what? It was winding.
" Our x-rays show that you have several items in your rectum.
- Grandpa: Huh? - One slinky.
- Grandpa: No! - Part of a guitar.
- Grandpa: Oh.
- One roller skate.
Oh! I'm gonna have to get - all the way in there.
- Grandpa: No, please! [Groans.]
One empty jar of Pickles.
- And let's take lunch, everybody.
- Grandpa: What? Hello! Mr.
Pickles, was that you? Mr.
Pickles: [Whines.]
Why am I in the morgue? Shh.
Oh.
Oh, yeah, you lookin' good.
What are you doing with that thing? Aah! Mr.
Pickles: [Whines.]
Get all the organs, baby.
Then we can pay off our college loans.
Well, I'm working on a patient in a coma.
He'll be ready for harvesting soon.
[Moaning.]
Beverly: "The End.
" [Gasps.]
Read us another story.
Beverly: But I don't have another book.
- Read us a story! - All: Read us a story! Read us a story! Read us a story! Stanley: Wait a minute.
I don't like this.
[Laughing.]
Heil, Pitler! - Stanley: Hello.
- Get in there.
Stanley: Whoa.
Hey, guys! [Laughing.]
Stanley: Uh, hi, there.
Stanley Goodman.
And you are? About to have a party.
Get him! Hold him down.
Get down.
My mother was a chihuahua Stanley: [Chuckles.]
Guys! And my father was - a St.
Bernard.
[Spits.]
- Stanley: Hey! Whoa! [Screaming.]
Welcome to prison, bitch.
[Laughs.]
Stanley: Oh, no! Help! [Monitor beeping.]
[Paddles thunk.]
Would you just die already? Mr.
Pickles: [Barks.]
Huh? Quiet! Here.
Every dog loves hot dogs.
Mr.
Pickles: [Whines.]
Huh? Aah! Oh! You want a quickie? Mr.
Pickles: [Panting.]
You can at least take my clothes off.
- A bone, a shoe.
- Grandpa: What the One cat.
[Meows.]
What's this? It's buzzing? Ticking? Metallic? We got a bomb! Nurses: [Gasp.]
One more hot dog and you'll beat your record.
Hey! We need to ejaculate - the hospital.
- Evacuate.
That's what I said.
Where to? Patients: Read us a story! Read us a story! Beverly: Just go to the library! Perfect! Nobody goes there anymore.
Patients: Read us a story! Read us a story! - Read us a story! - Oh, I've been waiting a long time for this, Mr.
Goodman.
[Laughs.]
Stanley: Oh, I don't wanna be a dog anymore.
- You'll die in real life, too.
- Stanley: I don't wanna - be a dog anymore.
- You'll die in real life, too.
Stanley: I don't wanna be a dog anymore.
- I smell hot dogs.
don't you? - Patients: Read us a story! Beverly: Yes, uh, I'd like to take out a book.
We put them all in storage.
You can check your e-mail - if you'd like.
[Chuckles.]
- Tommy: Oh, I have a book.
Patients: Hooray! Be quiet.
Shh Tommy: My dad.
He used to do lots of things with me.
One time, he showed me what a turtle was.
He showed me what a turtle was.
Stanley: Please! D-d-don't kill me, please.
[Laughing.]
Stanley: Hey, - that's a turtle.
Huh? - Tommy: Wow, - so that's a turtle.
- Stanley: Hey, I know you.
Hi, dad! Hi, dad.
Stanley: Wait, I think I'm a dad, not a dog.
- Huh? My clothes! - Get back here, Mr.
Goodman! - Stanley: Oh, no! Oh, no! - Tommy: Another time, my dad showed me how he saved money.
Stanley: 70 degrees? I'll go broke! [Groaning.]
My legs! I can stand! [Screams.]
Stanley: Oh.
[Screams.]
Tommy: And then one day, I walked in to wake up my dad, and he had a lump in his pajama pants.
What's that, dad? [Groans.]
Tommy: Wow! [Chuckles.]
Stanley: No, Tommy! Don't touch that! Wait! Beverly: Stanley! Stanley: Aah! - Tommy: [Gasps.]
Dad! - Welcome back, dawg.
Stanley: Dog? Dog.
No.
Oh, where's grandpa? False alarm! It was just an alarm clock.
Mr.
Pickles: [Barks.]
Stanley: Ohh.
- It was just a dream.
- Tommy: There's that thing again.
Stanley: No, Tommy, don't! All: [Gasp.]
Hot dog! Stanley: Aah! [Camera shutter clicks.]
Stanley: You know, it's great that you and Tommy got people to appreciate books again.
Tommy: So can you read me my book now? Stanley: Sorry, Tommy.
Late for work.
Grandpa: Mr.
Pickles should go to the pound.
Stanley: Well, I think being a dog is a lot harder than some people think.
Good boy.
Mr.
Pickles: [Barking.]
Help!