Northern Exposure s01e08 Episode Script

Whenever there's a new moon looming on the horizon, I'll inevitably get a call from someone saying "Chris, how about that sucker?" I'll usually say something cordial like "It's a marvellous night for a moondance" or "I wonder what old Sun Myung Moon's up to tonight.
" But knowing how we've been tossing and turning for fear of where our dreams may be taking us, I'm not about to pretend that that man in that moon has our best interests at heart.
No way.
He's too much of a kidder.
So until the big fella packs his bags and hits the road, put away those sharp utensils and stay close to your loved ones.
If you're lucky enough to have any.
I'll see you in the morning, folks.
Or the moonlight.
Whichever comes first.
Two drifters Notice when I swing my hips will swivel, my head stays down, and my shoulders stay square.
It's the classic form.
When you put it together, knees slightly bent, shoulders relaxed, a firm but flexible grip, this is what you get.
Oh.
Is it supposed to wander like that? - I never could get into golf.
- Did you ever try it? No.
Announcers are always whisperin' and the nearest course is 600 miles away.
You missed the point.
Golf isn't a game, it's a choice one makes with one's life.
To hang out with people in funny-lookin' pants? That's not it at all.
There's something intrinsically therapeutic about choosing to spend your time in a wide-open parklike setting, that non-golfers could never truly understand.
- Uh-huh.
- Hey, Ed! What is this? Is this a track? - Looks like a track.
- Looks fresh.
Not that I know what a fresh track looks like, but that's big, whatever it is.
What? What? What is it? What's wrong? It's a bare footprint.
A-a-as in grizzly bear footprint? No.
Uh More like as in a person with no shoes on.
Wait a minute.
What kind of person with a size 16FF and no arches walks around in the forest barefoot? When they brought you out here, I don't suppose anyone mentioned Adam? Adam? Who's Adam? - Well, I've never seen him.
- Seen who? - He's not a who, he's a what.
- OK, OK.
Point of clarification here.
Are we dealing with a real person or is this a howling-werewolf- meets-the-nanook kinda thing? - They say he's real.
- What does he look like? He's big broad-shouldered flat-top head, kind of hulking.
Green.
That's Frankenstein.
Oh, yeah.
Well like I said, I've never seen him.
Probably doesn't exist.
W-w-what about this this footprint? ("Moonlight Sonata" on radio) - Shelly, dear.
- Yes, Ruth-Anne? This meat doesn't cut.
- I don't suppose it could be the knife? - Oh, I don't think so.
I'm sorry to keep making you make me supper at eight in the morning, but this moon business is screwing my system all up.
Did you see the look on his face last night? - Who's that, dear? - The man in the moon.
Just starin' down, as big as an apple pie.
It's like he's gettin' a big kick out of it.
I can't sleep.
I can't eat.
If this keeps up, I may have to go see Dr Fleischman.
Coffee smells like fish.
So Dave's havin' an off day.
Give the man a break.
Dave's gone to explore the Brooks Range.
- No notice or nothin'? - No.
Just upped and left.
Said he had to boldly go where no man has gone before in order to get a good night's sleep.
Well, personally, I can take the rain, I can take the snow and the cold, but this moon is like sleeping with a searchlight on.
(music slows) Oh, for cryin' out loud.
Ed! Run and tell Chris to take the plugs out of his ears before I lose my appetite and my sanity.
Chris isn't here.
I know he's fairly out there, but that's Chris! I can't change the man.
No, I mean he taped the morning show last night so he could work at home.
Maurice, why don't you calm down for a second? - We had a deal, Chris.
- I know.
Our deal was that I would leave you alone and let you run the radio station.
Well, I left you alone, and what did you do? You stayed out here with your your - What the hell is this? - The Aurora Borealis.
The northern lights.
I know what the aurora borealis is, Chris.
I've seen it up close and personal.
You don't like it? Can't criticise what I don't understand.
If you wanna call this art, you've got the benefit of all my doubts.
Hey, I appreciate that, Maurice.
- What's that? - The Milky Way.
If I ever get it finished.
That's why I had to tape my show.
I couldn't sleep, and I want to get this thing mounted before the lights hit their peak.
I appreciate your time frame, but the northern lights will shine whether you're here or not.
And I'm payin' you to be on the radio.
Live.
And while it's still in the morning.
You're right.
You're right.
Hey, Chels! If I don't see you before you leave, thanks for, uh you know.
Chris Uh Where'd you hook up with this one? Oh, I hiked out on Baker's Point for some granite for my lunar constellation.
- You found her way out on Baker's Point? - Mm-hm.
You got some snout, son.
You're like a pig with truffles when it comes to the fillies.
- Maurice! - Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! No.
- Go and get on some clean clothes.
- Right.
Marilyn, I think we should review office procedure one more time.
When I ask for a patient's chart, I don't want a map to his house, I want his medical records.
I am a doctor.
It's a fine line, but I think you can see the difference, can't you? - Who's next? - Ranger Burns.
- Where is he? - He's not here.
Yes, I can see that.
Where is he? Mount Hinlow? ("Bad Moon Rising" by Creedence Clearwater Revival) I see a bad moon rising I see trouble on the way I see earthquakes and lightnin' I see bad times today Don't go 'round tonight - Excuse me.
- Yeah? Where am I? I've been asking myself that since I got here.
We are somewhere between the end of the line and the middle of nowhere.
Oh.
Where is that on the map? Ed! This man is lost.
Talk to Ed.
He's a native, he's got a great sense of direction.
Great.
Thanks.
- Nice bike! - Thanks.
New leathers, huh? Yeah.
Are you lost? No, I just don't know where I am.
- You're in Cicely.
- Cic? - Alaska.
- Oh.
On the cusp of the new Alaskan Riviera.
So You're black.
Yeah? We had a black logger here once, but he left.
Why's that? I guess he wasn't into drinkin' beer and fighting.
Great.
Great.
See you, Jeff.
Besides the medication for Ranger Burns, is there anything else we can help with? Let's see.
Sominex.
Sorry, all sold out.
- Oh, I could use some toothpaste.
- OK.
Some shoelaces, a roll of stamps, couple of deadbolt locks and some kind of security alarm system.
- Someone been yammering about Adam? - Adam? - I haven't any idea - The people in this county have been blaming every transgression, mutilation and petty theft for the last 15 years on some character that nobody has ever seen before.
- It's ridiculous.
- It's good to know.
However, somebody, or something with humongous feet broke into Belle Hubley's place and took off with her Cuisinart and her Holy Bible.
- Howdy.
- Good morning.
- How is everything? - Very good.
Thank you.
Here is a customer who says his breakfast is very good.
The man hasn't eaten in two days, Holling.
- Two days, huh? - Actually, I've been on the road so long, - I don't know how long it's been.
- (Chris) Hey, everybody! What'll you have this morning, Christopher? Eggs? Bacon? Moonlight Sonata? No more tape delays.
Live radio from here on out.
What were you talking about? Jung and What was that other stuff? - The collective unconscious.
- Do they tour, or do they just cut records? - I missed something, didn't I? - I'll be reading from Jung and his study on man and his symbols all week, so you can catch up.
- That was you on the radio? - Yeah.
Interesting.
Very interesting.
- Have you read any Jung? - No.
But I've had some strange dreams lately.
Very strange.
- Me too.
- (Chris) Well, everybody does.
Jung says that dreams are the woofer and tweeter of the total sound system.
Then perhaps you know what I'm talking about.
It's crazy.
You're living your life in Portland.
You get up and go to work at the IRS.
Nothin' special.
Then you have a dream - you think it's a dream, but you're not sure.
So you quit your job and buy a Harley, although you're afraid of motorcycles.
Then you head north, with no destination in mind, but you know you've gotta keep goin' and goin'.
Just as you think you've lost touch with everything real, you find yourself in Cicely, Alaska, on the cusp of the new Alaskan Riviera.
- You know what I mean? - Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.
- You do? - Yeah.
More coffee, Chris? Yeah.
Thanks, Holling.
Sir? Yeah, please.
All right.
You set the lock like this.
OK? Perfect.
Just what you want from a key.
Now, what about the bars on the window? You've got to be the most paranoid person I've ever met.
Excuse me, O'Connell, but, uh, "paranoia" implies an irrational, highly-agitated state.
There is nothing irrational about taking reasonable precautions.
- Reasonable? - Yeah.
Against what? Some bogeyman that's supposedly lurking around the chaparral.
You come to that meadow and look at those footprints that Ed, an Indian, swears don't belong to any known species.
Then look me in the eyes.
Tell me Adam is a figment of this town's imagination.
- There is no Adam.
- Look me in the eyes and tell me.
- Fleischman.
- Look me in the eyes.
- Goodbye.
- You can't.
- I could if I wanted to.
- Can not.
I went and bought myself a ticket And I sat down in the very first row They pulled the curtains up and when they turned the spotlight way down low Little Egypt came out struttin' Wearing nothing but a button and a bow - Dr Fleischman? - Ranger Burns? Boy, you are a sight for sore eyes.
I was afraid you were gonna cancel out on me.
The thought crossed my mind when I turned on to your, uh It's a mistake to describe it as a road.
It does get bumpy, especially with those boulders.
You handled it better than most.
- Yeah? How do you know? - I watched for the last couple of miles.
- Oh, you can see that far? - Well, when it's not soupy like this, you can see for 100 miles to the north, and, uh, 200 miles to the to the west, and, uh, anywhere between 220 and 251 miles to the, to the south and the east, depending upon the climatic conditions and the atmospheric variables.
- Well, south That's south - I can imagine.
It must be quite a view.
It is when you can see it.
Why don't you come on up, take a look for yourself? It's a nice walk.
By the time we get up there, it may clear up.
- OK.
- This way.
Come on.
So, from way up here, have you ever spotted anything unusual? - Unusual? How so? - Uh, I don't know.
You know, big, green Well, I've seen a lot of trees.
Yeah, there are a lot of them.
I gotta be honest, I kinda gave up on panoramic views ever since I lost it on the observation deck of the Empire State Building, but this place is almost worth the three-and-a-half-hour drive.
I'm sorry, I should have come into town for my appointment, but the service doesn't like me to leave my perch.
Well, why? You never know when a fire's gonna break out.
- Yeah, that's true, but - I mean I don't wanna think what might happen if I'm lookin' the wrong way and sparks fly.
And they wonder in Anchorage why I've got migraines.
It's a big it's a big responsibility, waiting for disaster to happen.
It's very stressful.
Yeah.
Of course.
Of course it is.
Look, these are really strong tablets, so you go easy with them, OK? - Are you leaving already? - I think I should get home before nightfall.
You'll be all right.
It's still a full moon.
Well, you know.
Letterman, anyway.
I presume I take the alleged road back? Yeah, that's right.
I'll watch you for about the first hour or so.
OK.
Thanks a lot.
No, thank you, Dr Fleischman.
Talking to you has made me feel well just a lot clearer.
Good.
Hey.
You know Let me ask you something.
Say a fire did break out, and you spotted it.
There aren't any firefighters to do anything.
That's what I keep tryin' to tell them in Anchorage, but nobody listens to me.
I write them memo after memo.
I never get a response.
- No, I It must - I'm up here.
I'm glued to the chair.
I'm busting my ass, and they don't seem to care that my head's pounding.
Well maybe the pills will help.
I thought about putting the Ursa Major and vernal constellations over there, but I checked out this astronomy book and no constellations over there.
Have you considered painting it? Well, it's not finished yet, you know.
Why, should I? It reminds me of the northern lights, the colours of which are extremely vivid.
- That's incredible.
- Extraordinary.
No.
Bernard, I call my sculpture the Aurora Borealis.
The aurora borealis and the northern lights are the same thing.
Interesting.
What would you think about big bands of copper swirling on the periphery? - Yeah, that might work.
- Protrusions? I have a whole bag of protrusions I haven't even touched yet! I can help you finish this.
Nah, I couldn't.
Hey, I'm not goin' anyplace.
At least I don't think I am.
(engine backfires) Oh, God.
God.
God! OK.
OK.
OK.
Don't panic.
Don't panic.
Don't panic.
Hey! Hey! Ranger Burns! Ranger Burns! Ranger Burns! Hey! (wolf howls) ("Blue Moon" by Billie Holiday) Blue moon You saw me standing alone Bernard clubs, diamonds, hearts, spades.
It's all coming back.
I think.
But you do play bridge? - My father was an avid card player.
- Mine too.
He taught us lots of games.
I think bridge was one of 'em.
- We can play the first hand open face.
- Don't do anything on my account.
You mind if I close these curtains? This moonlight is a bit too bright.
Bernard, communication's the key.
It's important we be on the same wavelength.
- Absolutely.
- All right.
I dealt, I pass.
- Pass.
- Pass.
- 13 points to open, five card - Two clubs.
Two clubs.
Pass.
Three clubs.
Pass.
- Three no-trump? - All right! Yes.
Perfect.
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah.
- (Maggie) All right.
- (Holling) Your lead, Maggie.
(owl hoots) (wolf howls) - It's a laydown.
- Not again! I crossruff the singleton, play the queen for finesse, and run the trump.
- We've been skunked.
- Or hustled.
Beginner's luck, I assure you.
Maybe a dinner break will cool you guys off.
- I'm still thinking about Aurora Borealis.
- I'm itching to go back to Aurora Borealis.
I understand.
- Hope to play again.
Bye.
- Thanks for the game.
Bye.
(Maggie) Bye.
(rattling) Hey! What do you think you're doing? What do you think you're doing? Hey! Hey! No.
No.
Come back! Hey! Come back! Hey, where are you goin'? Come back! You can rip me off, just don't leave me here! Please.
(wolf howls) (knocking) Ow! God.
Get outta the car.
Suit yourself.
Hey! You! Hey! Wait! Wait! Where are you goin'? Stop! I thought my place was off the beaten path.
I'm surprised you don't, uh you don't carry a passport.
I mean, it's like you gotta travel through two time zones to get here.
If it weren't for that moon, I would have lost you.
You were movin' - Shut up! - OK.
OK.
Fine.
- Sit down.
- No problem.
That smells delicious.
I haven't eaten anything since I I don't like people barging in on me.
OK? I don't like people! You are a person, and I don't like people! - You understand me? - I can respect that.
Really.
Really.
I can.
- Northern Italian Cuisine? - Give me that.
Give me that! The California Cookbook? Do you wanna die? Is that what you want? These are recipes for Sichuan dumplings.
Do you know who I am? Do you understand what I'm tryin' to say? Do you know who I am? No.
I'm Adam.
Oh, I'm Chef Boyardee.
- What? - You're not Adam.
What do you mean, I'm not A? I'm Adam! - No, you're not.
- Yes, I am! - You are not! - Yes, I am! - Do I have to do something to prove it? - Adam is a big, threatening, wild I mean, granted, you're that, but he's not the kind of guy that stirs noodles in a wok.
Oh.
How about if I kill you? OK, fine.
You wanna be Adam? Nice to meet you, Adam.
Next time we'll try to do it at my house.
We'll do a picnic.
All right, we'll have a picnic.
And maybe we can work on your lousy golf swing.
Oh, my God.
- It's time for this head to hit the pillow.
- Good idea.
I'll keep the fires burning.
- We'll pick it up in the morning.
- I prefer to work straight through.
What for? I mean we're way ahead of schedule.
Besides, you probably haven't slept in a while.
Not since I left Portland five days ago.
- Five days ago? - Yeah.
- I started workin' on this five days ago.
- You think it's a coincidence? I don't know, but you must be awfully tired.
I don't sleep much.
It must be hereditary.
My father was an insomniac.
- That's rough.
- Pop made it work to his advantage.
He was a truck driver, so he'd burn a lot of midnight rubber on cross-country trips.
Yeah, my daddy travelled around a lot too.
He sold those greeting cards door to door.
But he was a sound sleeper.
- It's always the trade-off.
- Well The thing I'd miss most about not sleepin' would be the dreams.
It's my dreams that are keeping me awake.
Oh, yeah? How's that work? Since I left Portland, everything's been like a dream.
Coming to this town, meeting you, this sculpture, not to mention this crazy moon.
My biggest nightmare is that I'll fall asleep, and then I'll have to wake up, and none of this will be as if it ever happened.
I can see how that could be a problem.
Like Jung says, the unconscious is revealed through the imagery of our dreams, which express our innermost fears and our desires.
- Jung said that? - Yeah.
I think it was Jung.
Maybe Vincent Price.
You know, in my circle in New York, I'm considered to be a connoisseur of dim sum, and What? Do you have to talk with your mouth full? I just These noodles are delicious! Where did you learn to cook like this? My past is my past, and it belongs to me and nobody else, all right? OK.
Only a fellow prisoner of war can understand why I have spent the last 15 years of my life - in the solitude of the Alaskan bush.
- You were in Nam, huh? - I said no questions! - OK.
Sorry.
Yeah, I was there.
I was there when the Tet offensive was launched.
I was there when Saigon fell.
And I was there, reducing a cream sauce with a beaucoup lovely from Pleiku, when Charlie came outta nowhere and ambushed her kitchen.
She taught me everything I know about poultry.
And I told you I didn't wanna talk about it! Sorry.
I'm trying to isolate What's the flavour that makes these noodles? It's cumin! All right? Are you satisfied now? It's cumin.
I knew it was cumin.
Of course.
It reminds me of a place in Tribeca Elaine discovered before it became trendy.
The Five Flavors Café.
Yeah! That's it! Well, that figures.
Look, Adam, I know you don't like it when I pry, but how does someone in the wilderness hear of a hole in the wall in Manhattan? The head chef there is a guy named Jojo Tseng.
- Really? - Yes.
He was in my cooking class at the Bremen Institute in Buffalo, where he proceeded to steal my veal and get a very favourable mention in Vanity Fair, thank you very much! - You went to cooking school in Buffalo? - Hey.
No Buffalo jokes.
Didn't you just say that you've been hiding out in the bush for the last 15 years? You know, you're starting to get on my nerves.
OK.
OK.
- You don't have to go to all this trouble.
- No trouble.
You get the bed, I get the bag and the blinders.
I might as well be on the floor.
I'll be starin' at the ceiling.
Hey, no negativity.
You get comfortable.
I'm not tired.
You will be.
Just take a deep breath.
Let your eyes get heavy.
Wow.
Sleep tight.
(child) Five! Four! Three! Two - Christopher? Christopher Robin? - Yes, Mama? Your father forgot his balls again.
bring me a dream Make him the cutest that I've ever seen Give him two lips like roses and clover Then tell him that his lonesome nights are over Daddy! Daddy! You forgot your balls again! don't have nobody to call my own Please turn on your magic beam Mr Sandman, bring me a dream Bernard! - Chris, what are you doing here? - Dad forgot his balls again.
Bum stuff, what can I say? - What'd you do to your hair? - I look like a thin Barry White.
- Yeah, you do.
- I don't care for dreams.
You can't control how you look, people wander in and foul up your continuity Excuse me, but I didn't wander into your dream.
This is my basic recurring dream where I chase after my father for attention.
Then what are you doin' in my daddy's truck? Good point.
Maybe we'd better ask him who's got first dibs on the dream.
- Excuse me, have you seen my father? - No.
- Guess you win.
- He's not my daddy.
Who are you? Hello, boys.
I am Carl Jung.
And while I know much about the collective unconscious, - I don't know how to drive! - Argh! - Whoa! - Whoa! - Hey! - Hi! - Hi! - Whoa! Whoa-hoa.
Do you want a cigarette? I don't smoke.
Neither do I.
- Whoa.
- Hey, man - Hi.
- Whoa Those northern lights are some weird psychic something, huh? Yeah.
What causes them to do that? This is just a guess, but I think high-speed electrons and protons from the sun are trapped in the Van Allen belt, then channelled through the polar regions, where they collide with other particles and create a brilliant luminosity.
What does that have to do with us? I swear, man, I don't know.
- Is that right? - No.
It's too much cumin.
All right.
All right.
All right.
And your flame is much too high.
OK, OK.
Relax.
Look.
Hold this correctly, OK? It's a spoon, all right? It's not a darning needle.
I'm serious! I'm sorry.
I got it, I got it.
Adam? Decaf.
Regular.
Hello, Adam? Adam? Adam? Hey, Adam! Argh! Ow! Ow.
Oh, yeah.
Please.
Please.
Please.
Yes! (Ed) Big.
(Shelly) What's it called? The Aurora Borealis.
I would have called it Rust and Rims.
I love it.
I love everything about it.
- (Holling) You do, huh? - I love the rust.
I love the moon.
And I love the stars.
You should see 'em play bridge.
(Ed) Sure is big.
- Great show this morning, guys.
- Thanks.
Level with me, Maggie.
What do you make of that sculpture they have out there? I'm not sure I understand it.
But I like it.
- Ed.
- Hi, Dr Fleischman.
Well, look who survived his first night in the bunker.
Did you happen to notice the moon last night? Made me think of you.
- That's nice.
Ed? - Look up next time.
I saw him! He's real.
- You did? - He was as close to me as I am to you.
Wow! What'd he look like? He's really hairy.
Wow! - Who? - Adam! (loudly) Adam? You saw Adam? All right.
All right.
Look, um I know this is gonna sound nuts, but my truck broke down by the fire road and Adam came out of the woods to fix it.
But first, he-he-he fixed me the first truly spectacular meal I've had since I left Manhattan! - He fixed you dinner? - (laughter) Well it was more like a late supper, actually.
Go ahead, laugh all you want, but he was there, and I was there, and he is very real.
Son, if you think you're gonna get out of our employment agreement with this psychobabble routine, you've got another think coming.
I am telling you people the truth! He minces with Belle's Cuisinart.
He took her Bible because it was in the kitchen.
He thought it was a cookbook! - A cookbook? - Yes! He collects them.
It sounds insane You had the tuna supreme? Look, you gotta listen to me.
Please.
Please! - I believe you, Joel.
- You do? Why? - It depends how you define Adam.
- What do you mean "define"? Chris is saying it's one thing if Adam is a reincarnation of Big Foot.
- Another if he's a lost soul who for whatever reason decided to check out of the human race.
- Yeah, exactly! - Bull clap.
Hey, stranger things have happened.
My daddy travelled a lot for work.
Every other year, he missed my birthday.
- That's how it was with my daddy! - Really? It was terrible.
Every other July 3, he'd be on the road.
I feel half as old as I should.
- Your birthday's July 3? - July 3, 1963.
- What? - I was born July 3, 1963.
(both) Do you have a picture of your father?! That's the same picture.
That means when Daddy left Mama and me for weeks at a time, he was - With us! - Well, that makes Daddy a (both) Travelling man! I knew somethin' was up by the way they played bridge.
This is gettin' way too weird for my taste buds.
Hey, if I introduced you to Adam, would you believe me? Just give it up, Fleischman.
I used to look at the night sky and wonder why there was something - Missing.
- Yeah.
The auroras are so much more magical than anything I could have ever imagined.
Yeah.
Nobody could've dreamt this.
- The wolves are quiet.
- Yeah.
You know, Bernard, I always felt like I had a brother.
I always thought you were black.
If you ever have any trouble with the IRS I don't pay taxes.
- You ever get down to Portland? - I will now.
Wow.
Just look at them.
Remember me when you look up at those auroras.
You too.
You can see 'em down there five days out of every year, where you are.
- You just gotta perceive them.
- Which five days? You never know.
You just gotta keep looking.
("Moon River" plays on trumpet) Fleischman what are we doing here? Adam? It's totally dark, Dr Fleischman.
This is so weird.
Adam! Adam? I don't understand.
Point that over there.
It's empty.
I'm going home.
Let's go, Fleischman.
Let's go.
Maybe it was a dream.
What's this? It's nothing.
Nothing, huh? Call that nothing? That is a garlic press.
That is a garlic press.
Wow! A garlic press! A garlic press.
That's a garlic press! That's a garlic press.
Ha-ha! ("Moon River" by Louis Armstrong) Wider than a mile I'm crossin' you in style Someday Oh, dream maker You heartbreaker Wherever you are goin' I get it! I'm goin' your way Two drifters Off to see the world