Our Flag Means Death (2022) s01e08 Episode Script

Evenin' Karl.
Yer late.
Nah, it's fine.
I started the moonbathin' without ya, though.
Aye, full moon ain't upon us 'til tomorrow, yeah.
'Tis but a warm up fer the big night.
Hey there, old-timer! Hey! Down here, ya pervert! Are ye real? Or a filthy phantom? What the fuck? Hey! Is Blackbeard aboard? Maybe, maybe no! Who's asking? A friend! So, i-is he aboard or what? Well, if he was, and I'm no sayin' he is, and I'm no sayin' he isn't, eh? He's sleeping! Well, wake his ass up then! Goddamn.
Missed.
Smooth.
Hey, you guys got rum up there? Ah! Don't shoot! I'm just a stowaway! Ah! Those are my cannons.
All right, it's lit, it's lit! - Go, go, go! - Ahh! Fuckin' bullseye! Bullseye, bullseye! That means you drink! - Oh, if I must, I must.
- Get on with it! What's going on? - Who are we attacking? - Hey! Shit, did we wake you? Shit, sorry, we were a bit too loud.
- We were blowing stuff up.
- Sorry, sorry I just got paid a visit by my old shipmate, Calico Jack.
Calico Jaaack! Okay um Old mate? Well, if he's a friend of yours, hello.
- Who's the big gal? - Would you fuckin' stop? He's joking.
He fuckin' joking.
You're not a girl.
Jack, Stede Bonnet.
Stede Bonnet, Jack.
- Good to meet you.
- Oh, lovely.
So, uh, what are we blowing up? We found this old chest of drawers that actually makes quite a good target.
Ah the ones that were under the stairs? Yes.
Those ones.
They were under the stairs.
- They were definitely under the stairs.
- Well, yeah, you saw them.
- Oh.
- Were you saving those? No, no.
They're just an old - antique armoire.
- Yeah.
Been in the family for generations.
I was hoping to blow it up at some point.
- Oh shit.
- Mate, I'm sorry.
It was Jack's idea.
He can be a bit of a wild man.
He drifted by late last night.
Yeah He's hit a bit of a rough patch.
Well, uh, breakfast is probably ready if you want.
Jack! - Brekkie! - Brekkie! - Brekkie! - Come on, brekkie! - Couldn't even sleep last night, Swede.
- Yah? Guess I miss Jim more than I even thought I did.
Mm-hm.
I mean, it's not like we were together or anything.
I'm not sayin' that.
I'm just, you know It was always us two.
Okay.
To be honest I don't even think I can stay in that room anymore.
I took all my stuff out this morning.
So the room is free then? Sorry, quick pardon.
- Did you say the room is free? - No, no, no, no! - It's mine, it's mine! - Oye, wait! Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine! - Wait! - No, mine! That grants me roommate status.
Just wanted to offer my condolences.
'Bout Jim.
Thank you.
How did they die? Was it very bloody? - Jim always loved a bit of blood, eh? - Jim's not dead.
- No? - No.
Huh.
I thought he was dead.
Forgive me, Father, for I did sins.
The basics: fornication, twice.
- Theft, once.
- Mm-hm.
Impure thoughts some.
One of them, I thought, was pretty, uh pretty deeply impure.
- And that's it for this week.
- Hm.
Thank you.
I see, I see, and aren't you leaving something out? Oh, gluttony.
I wolfed down a lot, a lot of food unnecessarily.
- I wasn't even hungry.
- Did you double-cross anyone? Maybe, left them to die at the hands of the Spanish? What? God's not a fan.
Get away from me! Get away from me! Only two settings here, uh, - I wasn't expecting a guest.
- Yeah, that's great, yeah.
Oh, you, you can you can take that seat.
I'll Just for the two of you, huh? Hornigold'd shit himself.
Oh, fuckin' Hornigold! Captain Hornigold! There's a fucking blast from the past! - Such a dick! Such a fucking dick.
- Such a dick! Hornigold, yes, yes.
Who's Hornigold? That's where me and Jack first met, on Hornigold's ship.
Where we first became outlaws.
Blackbeard and I met on a ship.
It was a Spanish vessel.
Funny story, actually.
I was gut-stabbed, - and - 'Member how he stabbed us? 'Member he just beat us down? Just, just Yeah, yeah.
- Ground us down into nothin'? - Oh, I remember.
I was there.
He treated us like dogs.
Worse than dogs! Sounds like you two had quite a wild time.
I was tame compared to him.
This maniac once torched a ship with the entire crew still trapped inside.
No, Stede doesn't wanna hear about that.
You could just hear their screams for miles.
"Help me! Help me!" "Ah, ah, I'm burning!" The flames were so They were white-hot.
Aah! Their skin was mel Aah! You know, and whatever you would scream when you're burning to death.
I thought you'd, uh - given up the killing.
- Yeah, well, technically the fire killed those guys.
Not me.
Yeah, well, that's pirating, isn't it? Ugly profession, but then again you'd know that.
I've actually mellowed a bit.
Have you? Well, hopefully you haven't mellowed too much for whippies? - Have you? - Whippies? - Whippies? - Whippies! Whippies! Whippies! Whippies! Whippies! Whippies! Whippies! Whippies! Ah! Ow! That's what you fuckin' get! You should've stayed still.
- It's kinda on you.
- Yeah, that was fun.
This guy's an absolute legend with a whip.
- How long's he staying, do you think? - Ah, fuck.
I don't know.
I mean, we, you know, we're keeping it open-ended.
Y-You can't put a fuckin' time limit on fun, mate! Jack! Whip my balls! Whip my ba Ah! Fuckin' hell, Jack! - Heya.
- Hey.
I've never had a room before.
Me neither.
I've been in plenty of rooms, but I've never had one.
What's this? It's blueprints, mate, blueprints.
We've gotta design our sanctum.
Our space, no rules.
It can be whatever we want it to be.
What, like, beds on the ceiling? - That seems a bit tricky.
- No, that's just No, that's just the perspective.
- Oh.
- It's looking down.
- That's better.
- Yeah but I'm lovin' the input.
Let's keep it flowin', roomie.
- Mm.
- Just go.
Don't think about it.
What about a sitting area over in the corner there - that nook in the corner, and - Yeah.
But remember, we only sit on it.
We don't sleep, we sit on it.
Hey, that's perfect! We can call it a, uh a sitting nook.
- And we can have a bowl of mints - Yeah.
In case, like, we have people over.
Hang on.
Why would people come over? Um, I think that's just part of it.
When you're room people, people come over.
And then, I come in to find he'd shat everywhere but in the bedpan.
What a day.
What a day.
Ah, and then Well, then there was the time he saved my life.
Whoa! - No, come on.
- Yeah, you did.
I don't like to bring it up.
It's a bit immodest.
Come on! Come on, tell us! It was actually not too far from here.
Uh, matter of fact, on, uh, on Blind Man's Cove.
- Ooh.
- Well, you know what? If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be alive today.
I love this dopey bastard right here.
That's a real pirate! Not like one of these store-bought types.
Jack, I hate to ask, but where's your ship and your crew? You'd think a real pirate would have those.
Well, I'm, I'm kind of, uh, I'm kind of between things at the moment.
Look, fellas, I, I know it looks like I'm killin' it, but, uh I'm really not.
My crew mutinied.
- Aww.
- Aw, man.
Third time it's happened this year.
Aww.
- You made him cry.
- I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to.
- Well, it was a pretty bitchy question.
- Yeah.
Hey, Stede.
It's okay, CJ.
I'm sure it wasn't personal.
Yeah, well, when they tie an anchor around your leg and throw you overboard, it feels pretty personal.
- Oh.
- How could I have known his crew mutinied? I mean, in hindsight, I probably could've guessed.
Well, Jack's always been a bit emotional.
You know, the two of you actually have more in common than you think.
I know he comes on a bit strong at first, but he's, he's insecure.
I owe 'em a lot, including my life.
Give him a chance.
Well, if he's a friend of yours, I'm sure there's something in there I'll like.
Come on.
We were gonna mutiny on Stede.
Yeah, probably will again someday.
Really.
Aw, thanks, fellas.
Real nice of you to say.
Yeah, of course.
Calico I was thinking, would it cheer you up if we went for a little trip? Perhaps, somewhere fun? I don't know Maybe.
- Don't make a bother for me.
- Come on! - Come on! - Where you wanna go? Well, I haven't been to Blind Man's Cove in years.
Well, Blind Man's Cove it is.
- Are you serious? Aw, thanks! - You hear that? Aw, thanks! Oh! Man, you're the greatest, Steve! - Steve's the greatest, huh? - It's, uh, it's Stede, but What is? Well, this is quite lovely.
What should we do first? Take a dip? Go for a nature walk? I bet there's some insane foliage.
Yeah, you know, I think with this crowd probably want something a little more Yardies! Who's up for yardies?! Yardies! Yardies! Jump, man! Come on, it's easy as pie! I used to do this every morning! Are you sure it's safe?! Of course, it's not safe! Fuck kind of pirates are these? Ooh! Oh, okay.
I forgot to say, I forgot to say make sure you clear the ship.
Is he dead? Well Who's next? Hiya, Jackie.
What exactly is the plan here, Jim? You tell me everything you know about the Siete Gallos, or I knife another one of your husbands.
Don't try to save me Shit.
I hope you got a plan B.
Uh fight to the death, probably? Oh, well, it's gonna take me a minute to reload.
- Get this gun reloaded - That is 59 seconds too long.
That was cool.
Yes, it was.
- That was pretty cool.
- Yeah, I've been broadening myself.
Do we even have to do this? I mean, I set you up and left for dead, and you killed one of my husbands.
I think we're pretty even.
- What do you suggest? - Plan C.
Drinks? Turtle doesn't even have a chance! Hey, don't listen to him! You're a vicious, terrible beast! Turtle versus crab! Loser gets his head cut off, and the winner gets his fucking head cut off! All that rum goes straight through you, doesn't it, Ed? This must be my sixth pee.
Oh, hello, Jack.
What, d'ya think I was Blackbeard? Your good, close buddy? I did, actually.
You've got a surprisingly similar gait.
Yeah we got a lot in common, me and him.
In lots of ways, we're the same man.
Whew.
So, what's goin' on between you two? You buggerin' each other or what? Don't know what you're talking about.
Nothin' to be ashamed of.
Anything goes at sea.
God knows Blackie and I have had our dalliances.
Ooh I'm sorry.
Did I hit a nerve? No.
Ed's past is Ed's business, and I respect that.
Ed.
Blackie I knew woulda snapped your neck for callin' him that.
Well, perhaps, he's not the Blackie you knew.
- And maybe you don't know him at all.
- Aw! Sorry Pissed on your boots.
Hey, where you goin', man? About to have a coconut war.
Take coconuts, we chuck 'em at each other's heads.
It's hilarious.
I might just head back to the ship.
Where you goin', man? Come on! It's gonna be a blast.
I'm not finding any of this a blast, actually.
I don't like to drink till I puke, or get pelted with coconuts.
And making a turtle fight a crab? That's just mean! Honestly, Ed, I don't like who you are around this guy.
What? But this is who I am.
This is me.
Ow! Never turn your back on a bastard! Fuckin' dick! All right, you two have fun.
Oh, come on, man.
Fuck, man.
That was a good one.
Ah, come on, Steve! Don't go! - I want 'em to feel the same pain - Mm-hm.
- as I slice through their arteries.
- Mmm.
So they feel also that emptiness I felt when I lost my family.
Just want to see that.
Mm, I know what that feels like.
- Yeah.
- But you can't live like that.
Ya got to get over it! You can't end up like me.
You don't wanna be ownin' a dive, and married to 19 I mean, well, 18 husbands now, you know? You don't want that.
Guess my age.
I don't know, um, 50? Twenty-five.
You look good.
Stop lying, stop lying, kid.
All the revenge, and rage, and - anger, it, it ages ya.
- Yeah.
Makes ya borin'.
I'm, I'm trying to put the revenge part behind me, so it'd, it'd really help me if you tell me about the dogs who killed my family.
Well, that's one right there.
Lift up his shirt.
- En serio? - Yeah.
- Geraldo? - Yeah Yeah, yeah.
- No shit! - Yeah.
And you already got this one over here.
Past that those bastards are probably dead.
Oh! Ahh, I don't.
I've never used a whip before.
Ah, you got this, man! I'll close my eyes, so you can't hit them.
Get out of your head, bro.
Just do it.
Easy-peasy.
Puddin' and fuckin' pie.
Come on, come on, come on.
Whip the cup! Whip the cup! Whip the cup! Whip the cup! Hey! Can ye no have a bit of respect?! Some of us are tryin' to bask in moon glow! Sorry, Buttons.
You know, maybe he's right, guys.
Should we pack it in? It's been a day.
No, no, no! No, no! No one goes to sleep.
King Coconut says that we go another Ah! No, not me.
- Hey, hey! - 10 rounds! Karl! Oh, no No, please! God Oops.
My bad.
You all right? He's dead.
You killed him.
Oh it was an accident.
He flew right into my whip.
Y-You guys saw that, right? Bloong fleve.
Morinao glowra.
Fungina fungina zloovrik.
I hex upon ye, I hex upon ye, I hex upon yeeeee ahh-eee eeee Well, that was some weird shit.
Get off my ship! Now.
Fine.
I don't give a shit.
Party sucked anyway.
I'm out.
Who's with me? Oh, come on, guys.
You don't wanna stick around with this fop, do ya? Blackie? I saved your life, man.
Yeah - Let's go.
- Wait You're leaving? With him? Later, losers.
This is who I am, Stede.
Can ya see me now? You were always gonna realize what I am.
Take care, mate.
Man, that bird really crapped, didn't it? Thought there'd be more feathers.
- Well, that was fucked.
- Yeah.
- Incredibly so.
- Bird didn't deserve that.
Oh, uh, here we are.
- Yeah, this is us.
- Yep.
Hey, guys, um, do you mind if I, uh, want to s - Uh, if I can sleep in here tonight? - With us? - Uh, it's, uh - Uh, it's Yeah.
It's just that we really haven't had any guests.
Yeah, we're in the midst of some renovations.
Y-You wouldn't understand.
It's room people stuff.
Yeah, I just wanted to, you know I miss my old routine, and I won't take space.
I can just sleep in the corner.
It's just there.
Oh, no, that's our nook.
And this nook is only for sittin'.
- Afraid it's a no.
- No.
Night.
Have f Have fun in the nook.
Sorry, can you keep it down out there? Sorry.
- What're you doing?! - Gettin' us some breakfast! Does that even work? I don't know! Never tried it before! Yeah, it turns out that doesn't work.
It's a little early for that, don't you think? Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't realize I had a audience with the fuckin' Pope.
They're already drinking.
And now, he's got sand all through his beard.
Well, that's what you get for sleeping on the beach.
Trust me, Cap'n.
You gotta take your mind off them for a bit.
They're the furthest thing from my mind.
That's why I've got the telescope.
Oh, look at Jack.
Do you think he's better-looking than me? Mmm.
He's got nice hair.
You've got nice hair.
But his mustache is weird.
Oh god.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- Don't you look awful? - I slept here last night.
Mmm, do you regret giving the room away? - And drinking two bottles of rum.
- So cool.
Well, well, well.
Look who's eating seaweed.
- Has this been goin' on all night? - All night.
No breaks.
That won't mix well with the booze.
Mark my words.
You do a little dance.
Not a good dancer.
- Morning, Captain.
- No, it isn't.
Do you mind puttin' the scope down for a sec? - I can't hear you.
- Okay, I'll just - I will take this.
One, two, three.
- No! No! And that's me.
Hello, ooh.
- Hand that to Olu.
- Thank you.
- Long night? - I don't know.
Okay, and do we think this is more of a spat or a rupture with Blackbeard? I think it's done.
Well, lucky for you I'm fantastic at breakups.
- What's this? - Your stuff.
All of it.
So, don't try reaching out looking for something.
It's an obvious ploy.
I've used it before.
I see you didn't put any of that yummy lavender soap in there.
It's not a care package.
Did ya know he really liked you? I hope you know that.
Nice dinghy.
Should we kill him and take it? No, man.
Oh lord.
You must be Olivia.
I've some hard news, Livy.
I just wanted to let you all know, we'll be holding a burial at sea for Karl.
Understandably, Buttons is I wish God took me instead! rather audibly upset.
And, on a related note Blackbeard will no longer be sailing with us.
- What?! - It's a big one.
I know.
It was a mutual decision, which I initiated first.
So, does this mean we're back to being captained by just you? Oh my god.
Don't need to be a dick, man.
I'm not being a dick by wanting clarity.
Look, technically, you've always been captained by me, and only me, so there's no change there.
Right, but what if some of us saw ourselves more as Blackbeard's employee.
Read the room.
Best thing that could've happened to you, if you ask me.
Like when I heard that you'd shacked up with him, I said Where'd you hear that? You didn't just happen upon us, did you, Jack? Took you long enough.
The old Blackbeard woulda seen me comin' a mile away.
No Izzy Hands sent me.
Spanish Jackie sends her regards as well.
- Izzy sold me out.
- No, he sold Stede out.
Sentimental bastard wanted me to get you out of there before the English showed up.
- The English? - That's right.
- When? - I can't remember exactly when - Fuck.
- Oh, there they are.
Look, these things happen.
Sometimes, sea captains drift apart.
I know it's tough, but chin up.
Okay? Neither of us will like you less or more than we did before.
- Bad news, Captain.
- It is.
It's terrible news.
Not that.
That.
Oh! Wow.
That's a lot of ships.
I figured you were on to me when I lured you to Blind Man's Cove, seeing as its distinguishing feature is that It's impossible to make an escape.
Yes.
Hornigold's favorite place for an ambush.
Yeah man.
Took you long enough.
I hex ye, I hex ye, I hex ye! So, where to? I was thinkin' maybe Republic of Pirates.
Jesus Christ.
Hey! That is real mature.
What are you doin'? Maybe you'll make it out of here before they open fire.
- Well that was our only oar.
- Fuck you, Jack! He's my friend! Fuck.
What do you mean, he's your friend? What kinda pirate has a friend? We're all just in various stages of fucking each other over! Ah! What? That's it, Livy.
Give him the ol' fuck-eye.
Quit eyein' me, bird.
This about your little bird friend? Thats right, bird! Get lost! Nobody messes with Calico Ja Ahh! Yes We got 'im! Way to go, Livy! Whoa! - Oh! - Warning shot.
The next one's into the hull.
Right.
We should probably fire back at them, um.
- Prepare the cannons! - Wait! Hoist the white flag! Ed.
Better alive than dead.
Well, come on! Do what he said! Ah, very good.
You came back.
Never left.