Porn and Ice Cream (2022) s01e08 Episode Script

1
Friendship is a language
That you speak without a word
A shelter I can hide in
Ramón, you are a dork
An idiot and a moron
You betrayed me all along
And you made me feel so bad
I know, I also acted somewhat wrong
To upstage Nacho
I made up a pretend band
I ran away from a gig
Then moved to your digs
You kicked me out and we fell out
I lied to you and formed a band
An entire video shoot I ruined
Even though you'd warned me
I wouldn't listen to you
But it is all your fault
I am not yet sure why
But it is all your fault
PORN and ICE CREAM
H HIGHLIGHTS
Far-right conservative groups
and LGBTIQ+ organizations
are joining forces for the first time
against senator Sergio Vieira's
advertising spot.
I've decided to step down
from my bid for the presidency.
On the other hand,
Stegman cooked the longest sausage
in the Pampas and is back in the game.
Do you remember when I used
to make your latte
before you left for school?
No, I made my own latte.
But I must have made you
a cup once, right?
-Not that I remember, never.
-No?
No. You abandoned me, Omar.
All these years,
I've thought you were dead.
No, Martu.
I didn't abandon you, you know?
Interpol was after me
and I faked my death
to protect you, to take care of you.
Besides, I knew that,
with the insurance money,
you'd be fine.
What did you do
with the money from the insurance?
You did all of that for me?
Yes, I already told you.
What did you do with the money?
Now it makes more sense, you know?
I hated you for many years.
But of course, now it all makes sense.
Where's the fucking money, Martu?
See? I knew you wanted something!
Do you remember
the Tamagotchi pets?
I had the biggest collection
in South America.
I was the most popular girl
in fifth grade.
Until that bitch,
Yanina Berrenstein became
the most popular because her family
died squashed by a billboard.
Fucking Yanina Berrenstein.
You spent 95,000 dollars
on those trinkets?
I was ten years old!
I was an orphan!
Those trinkets
were the closest thing to a family.
Until they started dying, one by one.
It was so hard to feed them
at the same time!
Okay.
It's okay, huh?
Now, what matters is we're together.
I want to know everything about you.
Where you live,
who your buddies are.
What your job is, everything.
Well, as for work, I do work.
But I'm not working at the moment.
And I have two friends. Or had.
It's for the best,
they're two psychopaths.
And I lived for a long time
with two foreigners
who may never want to live
with me again.
Where are you staying?
Do you have any room for me?
No, no, I'm currently staying at hotels.
It's complicated.
But I can help you
with your former roommates.
You know I'm very good
at persuading people.
Okay.
I only ask that you don't call me
Martina in front of them.
Call me Cecilia von Trapp.
Von Trapp?
Hey!
Hi, how are you, guys?
What on Earth are you doing here?
-This is my father.
-Hi, I'm Omar.
Pleasure, Omar.
Ceci, you don't live here anymore.
I said I'd stay
at my boyfriend's, temporarily.
No, Ceci, that's not what you said.
So long, suckers!
I'm moving to a mansion
full of imported goods.
Good riddance!
You have no idea how I missed you.
-We're asking you to leave, okay?
-Virginia,
I expected that from you,
but you, Haroldo?
A Latin American comrade? Honestly
I'm Latin American, too.
But from one of our provinces.
This one's Uruguayan.
Okay, okay. Let me handle this.
I know you guys don't know me,
you don't have to listen to me.
But I understand.
-Ceci is a mess.
-Omar!
She's manipulative.
A compulsive liar,
she has a problem with money.
And, it's true, she's a slob.
But, do you know why she's like that?
It's my fault.
I am the only example she ever had.
A con man.
A guy who spent
his whole life living off crime,
having to change his identity
once a week.
And she
She had to learn to cook for herself.
-All alone.
-Alone.
One day, she cooked lunch
and I never returned.
Despite the shitty life she's had,
I think she's done a great job.
And I'm proud of her.
Sorry. Ceci, I didn't know anything.
You know you'll always be welcome.
-Thank you.
-Welcome.
Thanks, Haroldo.
Well
I'm going back to the hotel.
I'm off to the hotel.
No, stay.
We're cooking
a Venezuelan meal, arepas.
It's the only thing we Venezuelans eat.
That's a good one.
I think you're confused.
Oh, hi, Horacio.
You're the manager now.
You're doing my job.
But I could help you
with the wicker
No, managers do management stuff.
And we, shelf stackers,
we stack products for displays.
I'll fix this, you go to the office,
where you belong.
But the office is so boring, Horacio.
Well, that's what being
a manager's like!
Now, leave me.
I'll have fun with my stacking.
What the fuck do you want, old perv?
It's me, Bermúdez.
Well, I don't give a shit.
We met at Picky Valeroso's party.
You stole a bag of coke from me.
Yes, I remember.
How's everything going? Okay?
We must talk, about The Feeble-Minded.
What about The Feeble-Minded?
I've got a proposal.
What are you doing here?
I was told
they'd be giving puppies away.
What about you?
I came here because
a group of fans wants to meet me.
-Everything all right?
-Yes.
What's it like to be the manager
of Home Warehouse?
A bit boring.
And what's it like for you to
How's it going?
Cool.
What a coincidence, right?
We've been told to meet up here
at the same time.
-I made you come here.
-What about the puppies?
-There are no puppies, Ramón.
-What?
Mano Music liked "Crossdresser,"
and they want you
to support Picky Valeroso.
Picky Valeroso?
No, I'm sorry, but
I won't be in a band with someone
who is unwilling to apologize.
Oh, yeah?
And I don't want to be in a band
with a guy who is
Who is a guy who, who
Who has this flaw you've got.
I don't want to work
with you either, okay?
But the contract is huge.
Three years, a national tour
It's a lot of money.
There'll be a record.
And puppies.
No, sorry, no. I can't. I
If things won't change,
I won't be in this band any longer.
Ramón
Go apologize. Go, Pablo!
We can't miss this opportunity.
Leave me alone, Ceci,
my fans are about to arrive.
Ramón.
Friday night.
Painting the town red?
No, tonight
Tonight, I'm sad.
Yeah, I'm down in the dumps, too,
but I'm getting hammered.
Good luck.
DOMINATRIX
GRANNIES
Every time I see you leave
Something shatters inside me
And I need to heal
From my lonely nights
I take a cab to a café
I drink something before returning home
And then, I try to sleep
And I can't stop thinking
My love, wherever you are
Leave your doubts behind
And return to me
Because I'm waiting for you
I keep waiting for you
My love, wherever you are
Leave your doubts behind
And return to me
Because I'm waiting for you
I keep waiting for you
My love, wherever you are
Leave your doubts behind
And return to me
Because I'm waiting for you
I keep waiting
I keep waiting
I keep waiting for you
BELIKA "OXFORD" BAR
ALL-DAY SNACKS
How are you, baby boy?
-What are you drinking?
-Today
I need a very strong drink.
You're at the right place.
What are you having?
A coffee.
Black.
No milkie?
-No milkie.
-That's strong!
You told me that you liked having
either beer or coffee here. No, coffee.
-Hey, Ramón!
-Hi, Nacho.
Would you like to join us?
Okay.
Where's Pablo?
No, we're no longer friends.
What a downer, bro.
The jacket is mine!
It's you, sweetheart, you scared me.
Would you like to sleep in my bed?
I'll sleep on the couch.
I was heading back to the hotel
and I fell asleep.
You may stay, if you want.
GIVE WAY
Idiot, I nearly fell down!
I told you to hold me tight.
Hey, we're off to Incestuous,
some friends are playing there.
Why don't you come?
Well, whatever you want.
-Whatever I want?
-Yes, it's like that with Pablo.
But what do you want?
I don't know, I
I feel like eating a hot-dog.
Okay.
Let's go for a hot-dog.
Really?
Let's go, bro.
Shall we?
Oh, no
You're incorrigible!
Pipsqueak
Pipsqueak!
-Santi!
-What do you want, Pablo?
Are you awake?
No, I was sleeping.
What about a game on the Playstation?
Pablo, don't use me to compensate
for the emptiness you feel
after falling out with Ramón.
We didn't fall out.
Then, why are you alone on a Friday night?
Because
-I fell out with Ramón.
-And what will you do?
Apologize?
Well, now, leave me alone.
Otherwise, if I don't sleep
for eight hours, my face gets swollen.
Little punk.
What's up, little Pablo?
-Did you come to apologize to your friend?
-Yes.
Yes, I realized Ramón is irreplaceable.
Such beautiful words, huh?
You will always have
-Ramón!
-Pablo?
What's up, Pablo?
-Oh, you're with Nacho?
-Yes.
Porn and ice cream
We're friends now. What's up?
I've come to
Give you your keys back.
-Okay?
-Okay.
It's easier the other way a
You woke up to find out
You wetted the sheets
-I'll bring them some other day, okay?
-Okay.
I want one half of that photo.
Pablo
Here.
You will always have
Porn and ice cream
Bermúdez.
-This is my
-Omar, the band's lawyer.
Look, they forgot
to add "lawyer" at the printer's.
Excuse me.
I apologize for the mess, but
I've just separated
and my wife got half of the company.
It's okay.
I'm sorry?
Does anyone need the Wi-Fi password?
No, no, we're fine.
-Is the band not coming?
-Sorry.
I'm late because
I was walking, in deep sadness,
after experiencing betrayal.
Pablo, didn't you apologize?
He should apologize to us
after forming a band with Nacho.
My nemesis.
I'm Bermúdez.
Pablo.
I'm a solo act now.
The Feeble-Minded is no more.
Now I'm Pablo's Life.
Or Pablo Capo, haven't decided.
Pablo Capo sounds good. A lot better.
-Yeah, right?
-Yes.
And this This is mine!
I'm taking it.
You owe me March and April.
You're paying, or your wife is,
I don't give a shit,
but I'll get paid! March and April!
You'll get a letter
from my lawyer this week.
-Sorry?
-No solo acts.
-Sorry?
-Picky Valeroso wants to be the only one.
I'm sorry, I've gone solo.
Okay, but we can find
a few musicians for the boy.
-Who's this?
-He's my Our lawyer.
We have musicians, if you want.
Oh, well, that's perfect then. Right?
Okay, I'm interested in a new band.
-What?
-Could you please leave?
-Oh, yes.
-Yes.
-Thanks a lot.
-Yeah.
But shouldn't be discussing
the contract first?
The kids' fee.
Omar, don't I don't know.
-You go, I'll catch up with you later. Go.
-Okay.
Sorry, Mr. Manager.
Hey, you'll have to pay for those!
-But I didn't break them.
-Did they just fall?
Yes. Maybe it was a draught,
I don't know.
In a store with air con?
-Yes, I was passing by
-It was my fault, Horacio. I broke them.
Ramón, if he dropped them,
he must pay for them.
No, seriously, I dropped them.
-I'll deduct them from your wages, okay?
-Okay.
Why did you do that?
As employees, we get a 50% discount.
Otherwise, you'd have paid the full price.
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.
-I'm Pablo.
-I'm Ramón.
MESSAGE - NACHO
WANNA MEET UP?
Graciela!
What?
I need a strong drink today.
What's wrong? Are you sad?
-No, this is to celebrate.
-Hey, where's Ramón?
Ramón is dead.
To me.
And who's Ramón?
Ramón is this guy's Beto.
-Who's Beto?
-Him.
My best friend.
So, what are we celebrating?
The divorce of the faggots?
I'm signing a contract with Mano Music.
-Oh, well done, well done.
-Well done, Pablo. Great!
-Waiter, a bottle of your finest whiskey.
-I ain't your fucking waiter.
Hang on, Harry. Not the finest.
It's on me, my boy.
Well, show me you've got the money.
What? Don't you trust me?
You know what?
I'm sick of paying your debts.
And I'm sick of you, baldie.
Oh, no, don't be bald-phobic.
Stupid baldie!
Oh, no. Oh, no, no.
I'll pop you like a pimple! Huh?
Go on, wuss! Go on! Go on, bring it on!
-There! Hit him!
-Come on, Harry!
-Come on, mate! Kill him!
-Hey, hey, hey!
-Such a fragile masculinity!
-Bring it on, snowflake!
You, fairy! Snowflake! Come on!
Just come on!
Do it if you dare!
Oh, motherfucker!
Are you okay?
It's just bleeding a little.
Forgive me.
I attacked you, I didn't mean
No, you forgive me, dude.
Forgive me, Harry. I disrespected you.
I love you. You're my best friend.
I know. I love you, too, Harry.
You're my brother, dude.
I was wrong, I was wrong, Harry.
Forgive me, bro. I messed up so badly.
Cool.
They're besties, how cute, right, boys?
What's masculinity anyway?
I lost a friend because I was a jerk.
-How could I ever hurt you?
-No, I was wrong.
Very wrong!
-Forgive me, you're a real man.
-No, you forgive me.
Here.
Pistachio and sabayon.
Granny flavors.
-Yes.
-My favorites.
Really? Mine, too.
Porn.
That's Dominatrix Grannies.
I love older ladies.
I also love porn with older ladies.
They remind me of my grandma.
Well, not my grandma in particular,
but the world of older ladies.
That confidence they ooze when
What are you doing?
What do you mean?
You put a porn film on.
Yeah, but we watch it
while eating ice cream.
Porn was made
for masturbation, Ramón.
Want us to jerk each other off?
No.
No, I'd rather just eat ice cream.
Well, you eat ice cream.
Dad, what is this bit
about us getting 80% and Pablo, only 20%?
-You're welcome.
-You're welcome?
This is practically a scam.
He should get 80%.
Ceci, if it wasn't for you,
that kid wouldn't have a contract,
-or 20% at all.
-Yes, but this isn't right.
Look, when I sold Granny's apartment,
I gave her 20,000 dollars
and she was over the moon.
She didn't know I'd sold it for 300,000.
Do you understand?
In the end, we were both happy,
me and your Granny.
-R.I.P.
-R.I.P.?
Yes, people say that when someone dies.
"Rest In Peace."
So that's what it means.
I can't do that to Pablo.
He's my friend.
That kid is not your friend.
That kid thinks your name
is Cecilia von Trapp.
Trust no one.
People are shit.
We are born alone, we die alone
Like your Granny, who died all alone.
I had a football match that day.
You can't just cancel it.
Or they won't invite you
to play again.
No, I think
The original beat was fine.
I would probably stick
to the original version.
And a solo here.
No, the song isn't like that. It's not.
No, but the song is too basic.
We're trying to put some groove into it.
-Make it funkier.
-Let's try.
Po Porn
Po Porn and ice
No, no, no. Stop it, stop it!
Stop, stop, stop!
You're butchering the song!
Who are you?
Mozart and Beethoven?
We're not painters!
We're Pablo and Ramón!
So, what do we do?
Shall we snort coke?
Yeah!
You can't run in here!
Have you seen Ramón?
-The manager?
-Yes.
He's on the other end.
You can't run in here.
Ramón!
Pablo!
Are you here to return my keys?
I've brought you this.
Thirty pesos.
To pay for the mugs I broke
on the day we met.
Yes, but Pablo, that happened in 2004.
-The inflation's been huge.
-But my debt was in pesos.
I want us to star over, Ramón.
I want to leave behind that Pablo
who didn't own up to his mistakes,
that manipulative, smug,
though deadly attractive Pablo.
I want to be your best friend for real.
Not the friend you see the most,
but the best friend you have.
I didn't catch the last bit.
I miss you, man!
Life is shit without you!
I miss you too, Pablo!
I love you!
-I love you too, Ramón!
-Kiss him.
Kiss him, for God's sake, kiss him!
I want you back in the band.
Okay.
Shall we go sign the contract?
Now?
Bravo! Hooray for your bromance!
But I must warn you, Pablo.
Beware of Ramón.
When you least expect it, bam!
He stabs you in the back,
if he can.
Horacio.
This job is too boring.
Do you want to be the manager again?
Yes.
Thank you.
I can't stack shelves.
Kiss him.
Kiss him, for God's sake!
Come on!
-The job is yours.
-Shall we?
I've got a contract to sign.
Guys, you can't run in here.
I can't believe that he's late
to sign the contract.
You see? In the end,
I was right about that 80%.
Ramón?
Are you back in the band?
Yes, I missed you so much, my friend.
Come in.
Hey, Ceci.
I've brought you a gift.
-No, Ramón, you shouldn't have, come on.
-Ceci.
You really shouldn't have.
-It's lovely.
-Come on, guys. Come on.
Does anyone need the Wi-Fi password?
-No.
-No, thank you.
Did you read the contract?
Yes, we've been discussing it
with Ceci and it's okay. Isn't it, Ceci?
Yes, yes, sure, yes.
I didn't read it but
-I fully trust my manager.
-Yes.
If Ceci reckons it's fine,
it's fine by me.
We'll be loaded.
-We'll make loads of money.
-You'll afford a few croissants!
I'll eat loads. Besides, I love food.
Well, it's the moment of truth.
And what a moment, right?
-What's wrong, baby?
-Baby?
I won't sign, Dad.
Dad?
I'm not scamming my friends.
I'd rather trust people.
Or at least, try to.
No! What are you doing, Ceci?
I'm looking after you, Pablo.
If I sign this, I'd be ripping you off.
You, bitch!
That's why I didn't sign.
Thank you, Ceci.
-Thank you, Ceci.
-You're welcome, guys.
Anyway, I'd like to make a few changes
No time. We're off to Incestuous,
the gig is starting.
-No, shorty!
-It's all happening today?
Dad
I'd like you to come
to the gig with me, anyway.
Of course, baby.
You're stealing the pens, Dad.
No, I hadn't realized.
Save a couple for me.
INCESTUOUS
No, this is madness, man.
-I don't want
-Pablo, chill.
-I don't
-Pablo!
They want to see Picky Valeroso.
We're the support.
There may be no one yet.
It's crammed!
It's totally jam-packed in here!
Go on! Smash it!
Uh I don't want to play anymore.
No, Ramón, don't leave me.
Don't do this to me.
-If you leave, I'm leaving too.
-Chillax, guys.
I'm gonna tell you the story
of my first time.
-The first time you played?
-No.
The first time I fucked.
It will help you go onstage.
It's all connected.
That's why the secret
is in the shoes.
It's true.
Thank you.
Good evening.
We are
The Feeble-Minded.
And this is
Porn and Ice Cream.
Crossdresser!
We'll play that one later.
Three, four!
It's me.
-Who is that?
-I don't know.
-Show's over, bitches.
-What?
-What?
-We didn't catch that.
I said, the show's over.
Thanks to your little tune,
Vieira stepped down from the
Vieira stepped down from the candidacy,
and I'm back at my Dad's company.
So, now
I'll personally make sure that
Shit! That The Feeble-Minded
Never, ever
get to play again.
You have realized
You're just a creep
You look in the mirror
And want to scream
If you feel abandoned and grim
You will always have
Porn and ice cream
Porn and ice cream
Porn and ice cream
Porn and ice cream
Porn and ice cream
Every time to let off some steam
Porn and ice cream
Porn and ice cream
Porn and ice cream
Porn and ice cream