Quantum Leap s01e08 Episode Script

It all started when a time travel experiment I was conducting went a little caca.
In the blink of a cosmic clock, I went from quantum physicist To air force test pilot, which could have been fun if I knew how to fly.
Fortunately, I had help an observer from the project named Al.
Unfortunately, Al's a hologram, so all he can lend is moral support.
Anyway, here I am, bouncing around in time, putting things right that once went wrong a sort of time-traveling Lone Ranger with Al as my Tonto, and I don't even need a mask.
Oh, boy.
If you're going to quantum leap through time, you have to be ready to leap at a moment's notice to help your fellow traveler, to be open to new friends, to eat and leap.
And to expect the unexpected.
Oh, my God, I'm a dork.
A dork with teeth that can pick up radio transmissions.
Oh, boy.
From his driver's license, I discovered I had leaped into one Cam Wilson, a 17-year-old hot-rod jockey who loved junk food and had the zits to prove it.
Maybe it had nothing to do with the kid I replaced, but I suddenly had this urge for a burger and malt.
It's the Mom-mobile! Hey.
Word is you got smeared at the underpass.
Hey, shame we weren't racing for pinks.
I could've wiped this eyesore off the boulevard.
Oh, yeah! Hey, Bobby! Hey, Bobby! Hey, Bobby! Hey, Bob-a-rino! Bobby.
Bobby! Hey, hey! Hey, watch the car! Cam, come here.
We got accepted to the Peace Corps! Isn't that fantastic? That's That's, uh, great, Cheryl.
I can't believe we are going.
We are actually going.
Great.
Promise not to tell Mom and Dad until I do, okay? - You got it.
- That's right.
We are going to the middle of the South Pacific to an island called Tonga.
I'm gonna help set up a food cooperative, and Bob is gonna teach the natives new ways to fish.
Right.
I'm bringing the beer.
Hey, hey! Get a room.
Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby! Oh, Bobby! We're gonna go right after the honeymoon.
First we're gonna take a train up to San Francisco, and then we're gonna take a Peace Corps plane to Hawaii.
We've got to spend a month at this training center on Oahu learning about the languages and the customs on the Tonga Islands before we can actually go there.
- Sounds great.
- Here's to Tonga.
- Hey! - Boys aren't supposed to carry purses.
- Give it back! - You guys, leave Jill alone! Come on.
Give me it! - Come on, you guys.
That's not nice! - Give it back to me! Just stop it! When are you guys gonna grow up, huh? Instead of acting like a bunch of JD's? Ooh! I'm sorry.
Just They're always chopping me down.
They're just insecure.
Repressing their sensitivities and projecting their unconscious fears.
Really? How do you know all that? I took Psych 1.
Wow.
Don't you worry about it.
When you get a little bit older, the Impalas would die to go out with you.
I wouldn't date any of those weenies.
But I might go out with your brother.
Cam? Yes.
He's pretty tough.
You can't pants a guy with glasses.
He's right.
Stop! What glasses? Hey! He's not wearing any underwear.
Up.
Go on, go on.
- Come on, Bob.
- No way.
I'm not catching hell from Cheryl.
Let's go.
To the Dumpster.
To the Dumpster.
Get his shirt off.
His shirt's off.
Okay.
Okay.
On three.
One, two, three! Two points.
Let's go.
Let's go! Oh, yeah! Nice dive, Sam.
See, I gave you a 9.
5 on that dive.
I would've given you a 10, uh, except I got a little Russian blood in me on my mother's side.
Let's go! Do you want me to tell Cam? No, don't you dare say a word.
All right! I'm coming! Maybe just a hint, okay? No, Cheryl, don't, please.
I'll be so embarrassed.
See you later.
You remind me of a stripper I know in Vegas.
She starts out with an empty TV shipping carton, and then she ends up with a little teeny-weeny Kleenex box right over Al.
Look, I I could use a little help here.
What help? I can't help.
I'm a hologram.
Cam? - Are you naked? - Do the initials B.
A.
Mean anything to you? Sort of.
The Impalas are such juveniles.
You know, all they're doing is repressing their sensitivities and projecting their unconscious fears.
- Where are your glasses? - They're around here.
They're around here somewhere.
Cam, did you get pantsed because of me? Oh, Cam! Uh, excuse me, uh Ah, young love.
There's nothing like it.
How would you know? What's this? Your usual, silly.
Two Pinky burgers, a large order of fries, a chocolate shake and a cherry Coke.
When you're finished, I'll be back with your dessert.
Just put a cherry on top of your head.
Al.
Al? What year is this? Great.
The tail end of the most immature period in history.
All the guys still drink malts, drive hot rods and wear butch wax in their hair.
And the girls all have pillow fights, chat on the phone, blind dates and get their panties raided.
Ah, those were the good old days.
Ooh, man, that looks good! Want a bite? Oh, sorry.
You're a hologram.
Oh, look at this mint '60 Corvette.
Did you ever notice that girls never cuddle up to guys unless they're driving a fancy car? I mean, you've never seen a woman throw herself at a guy in a Rambler.
Never! You gonna let a car like that rule your life? Yes.
You know, maybe I'm here to clear up this kid's complexion.
Looks like he's gonna die of terminal acne.
You're not here for Cam.
According to Ziggy, there's an 82.
6% chance you're here to keep Cheryl from marrying Bob.
- But they look like the perfect couple.
- Yeah, but Ken and Barbie grow up.
Bob ends up selling used cars for his father and getting arrested a lot of times for drunken driving.
Cheryl? She never made it to the Peace Corps and never saw much of the world.
Ziggy's gotta be wrong.
She's bright and alive.
I can't see anything stopping her.
Evidently, Bob did.
He also appears to have been a mean drunk.
He didn't hit her? Well, let's just say she had more than her share of accidental falls.
What's the matter? The first time my sister got married, she was 17.
Guess she wanted to get away from the farm.
He drank a lot, and when he got drunk I'm sorry, Sam.
She was too afraid to leave, too ashamed to tell anyone.
She was my sister She is my sister.
I should've known.
Maybe I could've helped her.
Maybe I could've saved her from a lot of pain.
Yeah, but it it wasn't your fault.
Maybe not.
But if I can't stop Cheryl from marrying Bob, it will be.
Why don't you tip a guy off when your old man is pussy footing around? Why'd you wanna come over here for? What's up, Eddie? Nothing.
I guess you haven't heard about me going steady, huh? You're going steady? Sure.
It's all over school.
Hey.
You going steady with a girl, Eddie? Sure.
Carolyn Schuster.
Carolyn Schuster? Man, she's kind of pretty.
Well, sure she's pretty.
I ain't going steady with no owls.
What are you laughing at? Oh, uh, nothing, Eddie.
Nothing at all.
- Uh, I just thought something seemed funny.
Hey, kiddo.
Hiya, Dad.
Hey, what's wrong? You can't take a punch anymore? No, no, I just, uh I hurt this arm.
Oh, sorry, kid.
Got ya! It's all Put the gloves on.
Go out in the backyard, huh? Dad.
Dad.
That's okay.
Dad, that's all right.
I'll just go into my room and just slam my head into the wall.
That's my boy.
Oh! Your Mom's lookin' for you.
She's on the warpath.
That's my boy.
It's too early in the morning to go look at girls.
Cameron! Yeah? I want to see you I- gotta change Now! Uh, M-Mom? Excuse me.
What is this? - An old Playboy magazine.
- Old? Miss May looks pretty fresh to me.
Rosa found that wedged behind your hamper.
She had a conniption fit.
She started crossing herself and yammering in Spanish.
She sounded worse than Scooter choking on a fur ball.
- Sorry.
- That's four cleaning ladies since October.
This one quits, mister, and you're grounded for a year! Okay.
- Where are you going? - To my, uh, room? - Well? - Well, what? - Where's my kiss? - Oh, yeah.
Oh, you little sweet Oh, Cameron! Oh, Cam! Honey, your sister needs your help with some errands tomorrow.
Would you stop by after the bridal shower, about 3:00? Okay, Mom.
Mom.
Is that Tab Hunter sneaking at my door there? Get in here, you little heartbreaker.
Sit down.
I know who's got a crush on you.
- Who? - Jill.
Jill? Jill? Oh, right.
Last week you were getting up the guts to ask her out, and now you hardly know her, huh? Are you gonna bring her to the wedding? I don't know.
She's awful young.
Okay, what are you now, Mr.
Mature? She's only a year behind you.
What happened to your shirt there? Oh, that's This is great.
If you had worked on the campaign instead of the Nomad, you could have met him too, you know.
Don't break it.
Remember that time you were leaping around in that silly Zorro outfit of yours, and you broke my "Love Me Tender" record? Well, that's what you get for leaving it on the floor.
It was on my hope chest, Cam.
I'd let my fingernails grow real long, and I grabbed for you, and I accidentally scratched your face.
Uh, yeah, mm-hmm.
And then you went straight to Mom.
At last you had visible evidence of how I abused you.
I was so proud of those nails too.
Then Mom cut 'em all off.
Remember? I wanted to kill you.
Well, I'm glad you didn't.
Me too.
Strange, now that I'll finally be doing what I've always dreamed of It's a little scary.
How did you know? Oh, I've had the feeling.
You're gonna do great.
You really think so? I guarantee it.
Oh, what do you know? Furthest you've ever been away from home is the Pomona Hospital.
Oh, God! Whoa.
Thanks.
Oh, I'm so jittery lately.
Well, you know, uh, leaving home, getting married.
You got a lot to be jittery about.
Yeah.
Maybe you ought a take it, you know, one step at a time.
Wait to get married until after the Peace Corps.
You know I can't.
Bob won't go unless we get married first.
Why? He just won't.
I don't know.
Well, maybe he's not the guy for you then.
What's wrong with Bob? For starters, he drinks too much.
Cam, he's just celebrating our wedding and graduating and everything, that's all.
What if he never stops celebrating? He won't have much a choice, will he? There's not a whole lot of liquor stores in Tonga.
If he goes to Tonga.
What do you mean by that? Just a hunch.
I don't believe you.
One minute you think Bob is the greatest, and the next, you're tearing him down.
Look, I just want what's best for you.
It's too late for that, isn't it? I'm getting married in three days.
Sometimes my Swiss cheese memory plays funny tricks on me.
I knew from the sound of the engine that the cam shaft had a flat lobe, but I didn't have the vaguest idea of where the cam shaft was or how to remove it.
I felt like a newborn calf walking around its mother, knowing there was milk there somewhere.
I can't set the timing.
That's because there's a flat lobe on the cam shaft.
The same problem we had with that Olds last week.
Yeah, yeah, that old Olds.
Well, guess I'm gonna have to pull the cam shaft.
You You probably forgot.
I did not.
It's okay if you forgot.
It's no No, I didn't.
Show me.
Oh, Tina would look good without that on.
Al.
Hi, Sam.
Oh, you've missed all the fun.
Check out this black number in the Frederick's of Hollywood box.
I will not check that out.
What are you doing here? I'm confirming that Ziggy's data retrieval circuits are fully functional.
- What? - You see, he predicted that Cheryl's lingerie party would start precisely at 2:07 Pacific Daylight Time.
He was eight seconds off.
Al, you didn't stand in here and watch Cheryl trying all this stuff on? Well, you know, uh If you're gonna publish, you gotta have data.
What are you gonna publish, a lingerie catalogue? That's a good idea, Sam.
I could do some inside research, if you get my drift.
Yeah, I get your drift.
Wha-What else are you here for? - Nothing.
- Nothing? Nothing, no.
I thought lingerie was enough.
How many times have I told you not to come in through the living room with that grease all over you? That is not funny.
Sorry.
Um, Mom, where's Cheryl? Trying on Mrs.
Thompson's wedding dress.
Mom? Where's Mom? Mom! Mom! Mom! What's going on? Mom wanted me to wear her wedding dress.
Bob made such a big deal out of my wearing his mother's.
I mean, what was I gonna say? Whose do you want to wear? I don't know, and I don't care.
Everybody's just driving me crazy with what I should do.
I just can't wait to get this thing over with.
- You want some help? - I can do it! Damn it! Now can I help? How'd you get these bruises on your neck? I fell.
Did Bob do it? Don't be silly.
He did, didn't he? No, he didn't.
Don't lie for him! Drop it, Cam.
I can't.
You're my sister.
Man, you look gorgeous.
It's bad luck to see me in my wedding dress.
Hey, buddy.
What the hell is this? You trying to make up for the bruise? What are you talking about? The bruise on Cheryl's neck.
You know, it's it's the kind you get when you grab somebody's neck like this.
Tell Cheryl I'll pick her up at 6:00.
For the rehearsal.
And by the authority vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife.
Now you may kiss the bride.
Then you'll both walk down the aisle and begin a wonderful life Yeah.
Full of joy and happiness.
I hope you haven't started yet.
Hey, Bill.
Mrs.
Bill.
- Where the hell have you been? - Wheeling and dealing to pay for this party.
You're not gonna know what to do the day of the wedding.
Sure I am.
Drink heavily.
Hey, sorry, kid.
Had to close a deal.
Sold two units new, one used.
Great! That's great! My God, look at this pretty little thing.
Boy, if Bob didn't see you first, I'd sweep you up myself.
Let's eat.
I'm sorry, dear.
He just started celebrating a little early.
Like father, like s Do me a favor and punch me somewhere else, okay? Oh.
Okay.
And she said, "Of course you can.
That's where lawyers come from".
Leaping about in time, I've suffered some humiliation and abuse.
But I can't recall anything as horrible as being forced to sit at the children's table.
All right.
All right, everybody.
Listen up.
First of all, I'd like to thank the most important person here.
The wine waiter.
No, but seriously, we're all here on this very special occasion the marriage of my firstborn, Bob, and his lovely bride, Cheryl.
So I'd like you all to raise your glasses and join me in a toast to these two wonderful, wonderful wonderful kids.
May you have all the best.
Bobby! Speaking for Cheryl and myself, no one knows what the future will bring us, but I'm sure it's going to be filled with lots of joy and happiness.
- Here's to my lovely bride.
- Yeah.
- May our love live forever and ever.
- Here, here.
Yeah, Bobby! And now, I would like to present my wedding gift to Cheryl.
- What is it? - Open it.
Oh, my God! It's a color TV.
I'd like to make a toast.
The Mom-mobile's gonna make a speech! I'd like to make a toast.
First, to my sister, Cheryl, I just want you to know how proud I am to have you as my big sister.
You're a person with incredible strength and vision.
A person brave enough to answer President Kennedy's call to "ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.
" I'm so proud of you for having the courage to go out and make a difference in the lives of people less fortunate than ourselves.
So, hum I'd also like to make a toast to Bob.
I understand there's no electricity on the island of Tonga and Well, thanks to your gift, I'll be watching Bonanza in color.
That was an impressive little speech, Sam.
I'm touched.
Al, I gotta find a way to get her out of this wedding.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, check it out.
Hey.
Camikazi's lost it, man.
He's talking to himself.
Watch this.
- Oh, man.
- She won't listen to me.
I mean, she thinks of me as her dorky little bro Food fight! Food fight! I like food fights.
Well, some of the time, not all of the time.
I think we should, uh, go to the restroom.
But I don't have to go.
That was good.
It came down to the fact It started already, Al.
I found a bruise on Cheryl's neck, and when I asked her about it, she said she fell.
I could never understand why women cover up for monsters like that.
What are you gonna do? I don't know.
I asked her to delay the wedding until after the Peace Corps, but No go, huh? Would you listen to me? I see your point.
Hey, mister, who you talking to? Uh, I, uh I was just I'm an actor, and I was just kind of, you know, doing a scene.
Tweet, tweet, tweet-tweet He rocks in the treetop all the day long Hopping and a-bopping and a-singing his song All the little birds on Jaybird Street Love to hear the robin go tweet-tweet-tweet Rocking robin Tweet Tweet, tweet Rock-rock rocking robin Tweet, tweedle-lee-dee Go rocking robin 'cause you're really gonna rock tonight Tweet, tweedle-lee-dee I say rock Every little swallow Every chickadee Every little bird in the tall oak tree The wise old owl The big black crow Flap their wings singing go, bird, go Rocking robin Rock, rock, rocking robin Tweet, tweet, tweet Tweet, tweedle-lee-dee Go rocking robin Come on, Mikey.
We gotta rehearse.
Bye-bye.
- Nah.
- Hey, is that that new dance? No, Dad.
The twist goes like this.
Hey, now, I can still dance you off the floor.
Hey, Dad, take it easy.
Whoa.
You're not as young as you used to be.
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! You're right about that.
That's why I took you for a partner, right? Why, that dirty crumb! Shh, shh, shh.
What "shh"? They can't hear me.
Al, but They can't see me.
When are you gonna tell her? After the honeymoon.
What about tonight? I'm taking you into the business.
I'm buying you a house for a wedding gift, and nobody knows it.
That ain't fair, son.
Dad, I understand.
But Cheryl's gonna go nuts when I tell her we're not joining the Peace Corps.
Son, she's 22 years old.
She'll own her own house.
She's got a husband who's a used car manager.
- What girl wouldn't go nuts? - Dad she's hot about this Peace Corps thing.
- What about you? - Me? Teaching a bunch of headhunters how to fly-fish? No way.
You know, your mother wanted to go to college.
My getting her pregnant with you fixed that.
Get the picture? Yeah! You know, normally I'm against spreading men's room gossip.
But in this case It would be criminal not to.
Women were made to look at.
Impalas were made to drive.
- Tequila's made for shooting, so - See you on the other side.
Bobby, are we going to the Peace Corps? Yeah.
Then why did you accept a job with your Dad? - Who told you that? - I did.
I overheard you and your dad talking in the men's room.
Oh, hiding in the john Apeeping pervert.
Is it true? My dad offered me a partnership.
But I didn't want to spoil the wedding for him, so I told him I'd think about it.
- That's a lie.
- Brat, I'm Hey, hey! Hey! Unless you tell me the truth right now, I'm canceling the wedding.
Stop it.
The truth is that I'm gonna tell him no after the wedding.
You gonna turn down the house after the wedding too? Go ahead and ruin that now.
That was supposed to be a surprise.
Come here.
Look, Dad got us a house, and I thought we could rent it while we're away.
That way we could have a beautiful place to come back to, a place to start a family.
- Honey.
- What? Honey, I love you.
Cheryl, he has no intention of joining the Peace Corps.
Little brother, I don't know why you're acting like this.
I guess you think you're helping out your sister here.
But you're way off base.
- Race him for pinks, Sam.
- What? He said, "You're way off base," punk.
Hey, hey, hey! Hey! Let him go.
Let him go.
Cam here's just saying what he thinks is right.
Cam, okay.
Now, that's enough.
Now, I believe him, okay? Sam, race him for pinks.
I'll race you for pinks.
- What? - Cam, don't be stupid.
Okay, I'm stupid.
But I think the Mom-mobile can take him.
Okay, um, how about 3:00 pm.
Tomorrow afternoon at the underpass? What's so funny? I don't think this is funny.
It's Why am I racing for pinks? I've been up against hot shots like this Bob before.
As long as they're in control, you can't shake 'em.
But if he loses to a hunk of junk like the Mom-mobile, I guarantee you that Cheryl will see the monster behind that pretty boy mask.
- I think you're right.
- Of course I'm right.
There's one problem.
Everybody knows Bob has the fastest car on the boulevard.
- But he doesn't have nitrous oxide.
- Laughing gas? Yeah, these guys don't even know about it yet.
During the race, you shoot it into the car's intake manifold, and you get a huge - Ka-za-zoom! - That's great.
Of course, if you inject too much, you blow up.
- Blow up? - Yeah, you know.
Big bang, fire, smoke.
- Are you sure this is gonna work? - Positive.
Sort of.
Okay, come here.
Okay, I made the stopwatch the on-off switch.
So pressing this button starts the stopwatch and the laughing gas.
Sounds like we got a leak.
There it is.
Hand me that crescent wrench, Cam.
Here you go.
If this works the way you say, it could be dangerous.
That's why we got the stopwatch.
More than ten seconds and This This thing il blow up.
Here he is.
Didn't think you'd have the "ganachos" to show.
Where's your pink, man? Say bye-bye to the Mom-mobile.
Hey, gonna miss not having this wreck around anymore.
Where's Bob's pink? I'll count off the seconds for you.
Out.
Kick butt.
Okay.
Hey, hey, hey, where you going? I'm gonna get out and watch.
The best seat in the house is right here.
Okay.
I'm not racing if Cheryl's in the car.
She's staying.
Let's go.
- No way.
- What, are you forfeiting? You chicken to race alone? Get out.
What? I said, get out.
All right.
Kiss it good-bye, drip.
All right.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
Let's go! Ready, get set, go! Go! Not yet! You'll peak too soon! - Al, I love you.
- Just drive.
Now! Yeah! - The Mom-mobile rules.
- I just don't believe it! Wasn't that a kick in the butt? Wow! Cam, look out! There's your car, pizza face! You tried to kill him! You tried to kill my little brother! - What are you - I didn't, did I? Let's go home, Cam.
Now, wait a minute, baby.
You're staying here with me! The hell I will! Don't you ever touch my sister again.
Get him.
Get him! That was definitely an uncool move.
Still scared? Uh-huh.
But I'll get over it.
My little brother guaranteed it.
You saved my life.
No, no.
You saved yourself.
Coastliner for Santa Barbara, San Luis Obispo, and San Francisco now boarding on track four.
I got a going-away present for you in the courtyard.
A present? But you're the one going away.
Just go to the shoe-shine stand in the courtyard, okay? I love you, Cam.
I love you too.
I bless the day I found you I want to stay around you And so I beg you Let it be me Al.
Don't take this heaven from one If you must cling to someone Now and forever Let it be me Hi, Sammy.
Hello, Allie boy.
Hey, look what I picked up this morning.
The girl or the car? Both.
I met her at the car auction.
She offered to wax my hood.
Well, she looks like she does good work.
So tell me, Al.
What happened to Cheryl? Oh, Cheryl, she's still in the Peace Corps.
She made it a lifetime commitment.
She's in Africa with her husband at the moment, and they're organizing a food cooperative in Chad.
That's great.
So? So why haven't you leaped? - Yeah.
- Cam? I think maybe she's the reason.
Cheryl insisted on the eyelashes.
Feels like they're gonna fall off.
They look great.
You look great.
You know, I always wished that you would be my first real guy friend.
Your first guy friend? Well, yeah.
Well, the first one I didn't want to sock or shoot with spitballs.
Are you trying to tell me you never kissed anyone? Sam? Go ahead, do it.
What's wrong? Sorry.
I just don't want to get this stuff all over you.
Okay.
I'm ready.
And that you'll always Let it be me Oh, boy.