Reporting for Duty (2023) s01e08 Episode Script

1
Turn around Suzano, other side.
SUZANO JR. RIBEIRO
AGE 42
Uh, so, yeah, I was just wondering,
Inspector,
shouldn't you only take these photos
in the actual event
that I end up going to prison?
I'm only doing this to help out
my colleagues.
I mean it's not really "if,"
it's "when," right?
Yeah, but I I promise you all of this
is just just a misunderstanding.
Really, how so? What was that whole
criminal conspiracy thing about then?
Or aiding and abetting fugitives?
How about the 171, huh? Yeah, larceny.
You tricked everyone in this PD.
You made fools out of all of us.
You made us look like idiots.
We were all convinced
that you were special.
We thought you were different.
You betrayed me, you know. That hurt.
I mean that
in a strictly professional manner, okay?
Yeah, this is because of the squad.
You betrayed us.
Look, if you take away the facts,
the evidence, and the criminal code,
you'll see deep down
there's nothing against me.
I refuse to be back-talked by a thug.
Lift the placard.
It's Chief Bastard now.
Chief Bastard?
I was Chief Fat Ass.
Now it's Chief Bastard?
I just want to add, for the record, that I
preferred when I was Chief Fat Ass, okay?
Raise the placard, Fat Ass!
Wah, wah.
Yeah!
Nice work, guys!
Good night, everyone.
- See you tomorrow.
- Bye!
- Um, hey.
- Hmm?
Come on, please let the team go, huh?
Their shift's done already.
Mantovani, I bet I know what you need.
- What?
- A night to forget about dudes.
Two VIP tickets
for "Party with the Tiger,"
tequila shots, and a screaming O!
Have you lost it?
We have to keep an eye on
Chief Bastard, you know?
So I'm keeping
all my best detectives on this shift.
Guerra, why are you
acting like this anyway?
I mean, who is there to forget?
So then, what's that over there for?
8TH PRECINC
If things follow
their normal course,
they'll likely take you into custody
within the next few hours.
Don't worry. You'll get out
in a matter of days. Right?
- Yes, two or three
- Oh?
- or four thousand.
- How marvelous.
Because the inmates so enjoy
when there's a high-ranking officer
in there with them,
just walking around the yard.
Hey, I'm sure that I'll get out of there
in just a matter of a few days.
In a body bag.
Let's wait a bit, Chief Suzano.
- Honorable Clerk Estevão.
- Honorable Counselor Dani.
- I'll be seeing you.
- Yeah.
Estevão, I'm sorry.
With all of this going on,
I forgot to ask you something.
That text you sent her,
it didn't go in your favor, did it?
You didn't match, right?
- No, it worked out! We've been dating.
- Oh yeah?
I wanted to say sorry
because of our couple vibe we had.
And you're being put through all this,
so I didn't mean any disrespect.
Right. No, I'm sure.
Of course, I noticed. The vibe was like
It was surreal, really, if I'm honest.
Borderline indecent, really.
Yeah, I know, right?
Mantovani. Hey.
I have a secret.
Detective Mantovani,
may I have a word with you?
No, I'm busy.
Maximam necessitatis.
Look, don't waste your chocolates.
Cannibal Junior's been given the writ,
and now he's only attacking
the lactose intolerant ones.
- Why are you treating me this way, huh?
- You deserve it.
Come on. What am I now? A sex offender?
Yeah, well, think about it then.
Really, just when I'm on the way back
to being head of the 8th?
Come again?
What do you mean, "on your way"?
Hmm.
Wow, Chief Ivone barely waited
for Suzano's body to go cold.
Wait. Are you really gonna miss that guy?
Chief Fat Ass?
- Don't you have work to do, Azevedo?
- I'm going. You win. Don't worry.
I've gotta be rested,
'cause tomorrow I'm back on duty.
But if you're looking for
some company later,
the night's still pretty young.
- Out!
- Mmm!
Really, Ma, I wish you would've
just gone back to Campo Manso.
Hmm? And let my poor son rot alone?
I'm sorry, but you're in prison,
not a pigsty.
I went to your house
and brought only the essentials.
Hmm.
Listen to your mother, Suzi.
By the way, I'm not here
just as a police officer.
You see, Suzano, I'm like a father figure
who was sent to help you out.
- My lovely little bird of prey.
- Mmm.
Could you give us a second, darling?
It's getting late.
- I need to get going pretty soon.
- Hey, guys, I'm in jail. I haven't died.
Though, this could be the perfect moment.
Let's say ten minutes, huh?
Mom, I'm sure you know
I'm not at all involved with the mafia.
That's completely fake, right?
You think I don't know my own son?
Please, you never had the guts
to be in the dang mafia.
Suzi, my little angel,
it's time to quit screwing around.
It's time to accept
you've been afraid your whole life.
Have not.
Uh, who said I was afraid anyway?
Remember this?
I made you join the Boy Scouts
so you could gain some confidence,
'cause, I mean, you were even afraid of
that pinscher with cataracts.
Yeah, but come on. Admit it.
Brutus was a demon dog.
Was he toothless? Yes.
Was he blind? Yes.
But gum bites are still painful,
I'm telling you.
That bite is really nasty too,
a bright hickey
all big and purple.
Yeah, but I mean, sure,
I I was a Boy Scout for years,
but I never learned courage, did I?
Courage doesn't mean
you don't fear anything.
It means you do what you have to
even when you're afraid.
I love you, my son.
Oh. We'll find our way
through this whole ordeal
as one big happy family together.
Okay.
Carlos Magno!
Wait. Calm down.
I can explain everything, Maria Consuelo!
No, Carlos Magno!
- I'm done with your lies!
- You're done.
- No, no, no, no!
- That's it! Get out of there.
Don't waste your time on men like Carlos!
8TH PRECINC
Over there.
Hey! Psst.
Sorry, dude, our system
is out of service right now.
You can go to the second precinct.
Psst.
Fuck, man, didn't you hear what Hey!
Hey, man.
What can I do for you?
Come on, move.
Hands up, Grandpa!
There's no time for a manicure!
Hey, listen, maybe we don't tell anyone
what we saw?
No, you hang up first.
No, you hang
Huh? What the heck?
Oh, thank God!
I thought Dani just hung up.
BIBLICAL CROSSWORD
Um, plague on pharaoh with four letters?
Mmm?
Frog! Very good, thank
But hey, wait. What?
Ooh.
Hey! Stop it! Stop, that hurts.
Damn.
All clear in here.
Stop there, you winged rat!
Freeze, Pigeon! You watch it, rat.
All right I'm patting you down.
Gotta frisk that big chest of yours.
Oh man, what a chest!
You have the right to an attorney
and conjugal visits.
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
Give me the gun, lady.
Cow!
- Leave me alone!
- Wait!
Let me go, Carlos Magno!
Wait. Listen to me.
Listen to me!
- No! No.
- Just listen.
Twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five
I could never replace you
because
because I love you.
Twenty-six Oh!
- What? Stop fucking around.
- Asshole.
Interrupting my show,
that's life in prison, dude.
- It's impossible to work with you!
- No, it's not!
You know it's not.
Why did you call me then, huh?
Fix this while I check
the room we haven't searched.
I'm not doing it alone.
Give me a hand.
Nah, I'm good.
Put this shit back together, bro.
- So the cow has to deal with shit?
- Oh, go to hell!
I'm gonna check the last room.
Hey! Psst. Anyone home?
It's all clear.
We're good. We got everyone.
Inspector Mantovani with the 8th PD.
I'm in need of assistance right now.
Welcome! You've reached
the Rio de Janeiro Police Service Center.
What is the reason for your call?
- I need backup pronto.
- I didn't get that.
- Need backup now.
- I didn't get that.
If you'd like to make a report, dial one.
There's the fat ass.
You animals!
Didn't we blow this guy into oblivion?
Tell me all about the bomb.
Why didn't it work?
Uh, I don't know.
The instructions were in another language.
Man, you better change your mask.
You're not a horse, you're an ass.
Bit aggressive, huh?
Hey, little girl,
let me tell you something.
A long time ago, I was a kid too.
I used to love cops and robbers,
just like you do.
Everything has a limit though, yeah?
Could you release me, pretty please?
You're lucky that I'm in a hurry, old man.
I could smoke you right now.
That's intense.
Let's go, crew.
Mantovani?
I know you're not with the mafia, okay?
The mafia wouldn't treat
one of their own so badly. I know it.
I mean, I told you I was innocent.
You were wrong, really wrong,
but, look, no hard feelings.
Yes, I know, but you were aiding
and abetting a criminal, weren't you?
No, because Serrote was unfairly accused.
His story is actually very sad,
because his father was
- How about we put a pin in that, okay?
- Fine.
So what's the plan now, huh?
We bring down the mafia.
Why do I even bother asking
what the plan is?
It's busted. Just bring me another
- Oh!
- Well, shit.
If you're just gonna break everything,
why am I even here, huh? Ouch!
I'll break your face
if you don't speed this up.
Now bring what you stole from me.
I want it now, hear me?
- Out of my way.
- Huh?
Come on, man.
Bring the other one. Bring it over here.
Here it is. Go, go, go. Open it.
CONFISCATED
Time to have faith here, folks.
She might be right. Time for a bet.
Who do you bet will get us out of here?
Chief Suzano, of course.
What? Of course not Suzano.
- He's been locked up, yeah.
- Hmm.
Well, what about Mantovani then?
Guys, come on.
The only one capable of actually
getting in here and saving us is
is obviously the PD's pit bull.
The guy's brave, fierce, and he'll run
these dudes off before you know it.
He'll turn this place upside down.
The one and only, Rabecão.
Fuck, Rabecão.
Don't you do that to me, dude.
What happened to you?
This coward backed down.
Fight me like a man.
COMPOSITE SKETCH
POLICE - RJ
Mantovani, should we call for backup?
No, that won't work. I already tried.
We may have a chance to catch
these idiots in the act, you know?
Maybe we negotiate, make a deal, whatever.
Man, this metal is
so freaking cold, isn't it?
- Want me to teach you a trick?
- I'd like that. Please, yes.
- I'm not
- Look, Chief.
- Huh?
- Here's the deal.
- Uh-huh.
- You need to use your imagination.
- I was in the theater in Campo Manso.
- You told me.
- I have?
- Now, we need to focus on this.
- Of course. Uh-huh.
- Come on.
- Don't worry about this.
- Okay.
Imagine you're just lightly holding a
a pot of coffee.
- All right.
- Yeah?
- You've got guests.
- I've got guests.
- Okay.
- Right. Coffee?
- Mm-hmm.
- That's it.
- Coffee? Mm-hmm.
- That's it.
- Coffee? Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm. Perfect. Perfect.
Coffee?
This police station
is such a mess, man!
Hear that? Estevão loves
making me look just awful.
What an absolute mess, look.
How am I
supposed to offer coffee to anyone?
- Come here.
- All right.
- What's up, man?
- I heard something, bro.
- You didn't hear anything.
- All right, let's go.
Come with me now.
- Sh! Quiet! Quiet!
- Ah! Ah!
Get in.
Stop right there! Stop!
Stop! Game over! Drop your weapon!
You got busted, huh, Inspector?
And here Suzano was convinced
you didn't work for the mafia.
Sorry, jeez. Come on.
I'm surrounded here too.
I think it's a little rude to assume
I wanna be here, you know?
What's that, Serrote?
Enough chitchat. Shut your mouth.
Listen up, man!
Suzano's not in the mafia!
Yeah, obviously.
Like I'd want that fat ass in my gang.
No way.
Jesus Christ!
You gotta do something.
- Can't you see he's choking?
- Hey, stop that, man!
Oh man, thank God.
I suppose the chicken masala
I ate for lunch felt like waving hello.
- Man, more work, less talking.
- Sorry.
Oh man, oh man, what is this? What the
Um, um uh
"A scout is always clean and happy."
Eh.
"A scout always listens to their elders."
Courage doesn't mean
you don't fear anything.
It means you do what you have to
even when you're afraid.
Not that you're very old, Ma.
"A scout thinks about others first."
Let's do this.
Hello? Hello? Testing.
Hello? Hello? Testing.
CONFISCATION ROOM
Wow, the pigeon has a teenie weenie! Look!
Did that hurt?
Not a peep, little pigeon.
Game over, scumbag!
- What the hell?
- Shit, boss!
Wait. Wait.
Could you please put your gun down?
I'm gonna snag
the radio for a minute, okay?
Any mafiosos there? Come in.
Wait a minute.
That's the fat ass's voice.
- Sh!
- Hey! That's Suzi!
I want you to know
that the cow's been branded.
And the pigeon's been plucked.
Your henchmen, I mean, right?
I'm against mistreating animals.
Go smoke that fat ass!
- Come on, Donkey!
- I'm Horse.
- Come on!
- Coming.
I swear.
I swear on all sacred things
under the sun.
I swear I could never replace you,
Maria Consuelo!
- This is the end of me!
- Hey, look. I love this show.
This episode just came out today.
I've already seen it.
Good luck! I dare you
to resist Maria Consuelo's tears!
Look! Look!
- Carlos Magno!
- Holy crap!
Oh my God! No!
Did you boys catch him yet?
Uh, he managed
to ambush us, actually. Over.
That's it!
I'll deal with this, you jackasses!
Jackasses?
No, it's us, Frog and Horse.
Could you maybe wait a minute?
We haven't found out
who murdered Carlos Magno.
Not a word!
Uh, but wait.
So Carlos Magno was murdered?
There's no way. They wouldn't dare to.
Uh, sorry. So who's Carlos Magno?
Uh, Serrote?
What's she looking for? You know?
She's tryin' to get that
that bitcoin thing.
The internet money thing.
And plenty of it. Millions.
I'm gonna get out of here and get
the bastard who revealed that spoiler!
Guerra, there's a knife over there
laying on that shelf.
Grab it with your mouth.
It's fine. It's clean. Trust me.
Go, Guerra. You've got this!
Go! Go! Go! Go!
Yeah.
Hey, my hands are untied.
I could've helped if you asked me to.
Oh, for ugh.
Look. Here it comes, Horse.
Pay attention!
It's coming. Soraya Cristina's
gonna reveal who killed him right now!
It's not soccer, man.
There's no need for a whole commentary.
Oh, what? Are you upset?
Why don't you get lost or something?
Not my fault
you're too slow for this show.
- Carlos!
- Fuck, you talk too much!
What's your deal, Horse?
- I'm gonna kick your ass!
- Bring it on!
- Let me go, Horse! Let me go!
- I'm gonna whoop your ass!
Take that!
- What did I say, huh?
- Man!
- You piece of shit!
- Ah! Stop it! Stop!
Fuck!
Hey, fat ass!
You're done for, Suzano! You're toast.
Oh, you sweet, innocent girl.
All right.
I feel it seems really weird
for an adult to fight a small child,
like mano a mano, yeah?
If you're afraid, we got a solution,
just as we did
with all of your little friends.
I'll make ground meat out of you!
Careful. Come on.
You might cut yourself with that, hey.
I'll fry your face in oil and eat it.
Uh
Ah!
Who's a fat ass now?
Let me out of here!
Let me out! I fricking hate you!
- Stop, scumbag!
- Hands up!
Easy, guys,
I locked all of them up in here.
Hey, fat ass! I'm gonna kill you!
Got the Tasmanian devil behind bars too.
Chief!
All right, where you going?
Yeah, right there.
Yeah!
8TH PRECINC
Right this way, yeah. Over here.
Be good now.
- Suzano.
- Ah!
Mm-hmm?
I, uh, think that I, um
I think I owe you an apology, huh?
No worries, Mantovani.
See I wanted the opportunity to talk
to you about something I've being trying
Hey, dude, I'm begging you.
Please help me out.
I'm just gonna get murdered immediately
if you put me in jail with those folks.
Hey, uh, Serrote it's fine.
You're safe, okay? We guarantee it.
Oh, wow, I didn't even expect that.
Thank you. Not from you. Thank you.
Oh man, I've got news for you.
Soon as I shit the thumb drive,
I'll mail it to you, okay?
No, it's fine, man.
For the love of God, please.
- It's not a problem.
- But it is for us.
Please use bleach
and wash it four or five times.
Then put it back through
for a couple more cycles
and a few more just to be sure.
After that, you can mail it, huh?
- All right. I'm so grateful. Thank you.
- You can take him away.
Uh, booty killed the moody a bit.
I would like to get back though.
- Suzi! Suzi.
- Emilinha?
Your mom told me you were in prison.
Just please come with me
to Campo Manso. I came as soon as I could.
It's safe for you
to be close to your mother,
and I'll watch over and protect you.
My God, with those psychopathic eyes.
Well, look, it really is tempting.
But can you give me a minute?
I was just in the middle of talking
with Mantovani.
I'll talk to you later.
Hey, Estevão, would you bring Emilinha
a coffee, please? Okay?
Okay, pack your things.
I'll be right back.
What are you doing here? Bring it in.
- Want a coffee?
- No, I just wanna stay with him.
Yeah, okay. All right.
- Yeah?
- What was I saying?
- Mantovani.
- Oh God.
Now that Suzano's reinstated as the chief
and taken over the command of the PD
in my place, well
- Come again? You're reinstated?
- I was?
Well, yes. You weren't notified?
Chief Ivone just told us in the group
"8th Precinct without the Fat Ass."
I want to join this group. I've asked.
She also said that, effective immediately,
I'll be transferred to the 2nd Precinct.
- It's just around the corner.
- That's wonderful for you, short commute.
That being said, now there's nothing
keeping us apart anymore.
Oh, uh, or maybe just that you got
a wife at home waiting on you.
Bummer, right?
You got a wife. That's hard.
No, no, no, you don't get it.
I'm separated from my wife now.
- Only you're the Hold this for a second.
- Okay.
You're the one who gives me strength.
- No, but the cane
- Sh!
Okay.
I simply can't live without you.
Listen, Mantovani.
Do you want to
go out with me?
- Oh boy.
- Say yes. Just say yes.
- Shut up, huh?
- Hey.
Uh, no, sorry. I mean, I just feel,
uh, this is something
I've gotta decide alone, you know.
- Like, privately. You know what I mean?
- What?
No, I mean,
somewhere other than my office.
- Can I have a word with you real quick?
- Yes, of course.
- Hey, wanna go for a walk?
- No, I'm waiting
What's going on?
Say it, Suzano.
Yeah so, uh,
I guess it's been a while since
Well, since my heart has been
- It has
- Yeah?
- Fire! Fire! Fire!
- Well, it's been on fire.
Suzano, come here your bike's on fire!
My bike?
God in Heaven!
CHIEF
Damn it! I really shouldn't have skipped
on that last insurance payment!
Oh, Suzi, don't feel sad.
This looks like a message from the mafia.
Mantovani, for you,
the mafia's everywhere,
but come on,
we just arrested the whole mafia!
- Chief, look. This was next to your bike.
- Thanks, man.
"You mess with one of us,
you mess with all of us."
"You'll reap all that you sow."
Signed, "All of the Mobsters United."
Suzi, please, I'm begging you.
Come back to Campo Manso!
Do you think you'll be able
to make it alive to the next holiday?
Yes, he will.
Of course the chief's gonna make it.
Why wouldn't he, right?
Yeah!
- And to next Christmas?
- Yeah!
- And to the next Carnival?
- Yeah!
And through all the other days,
'cause we've got you if you've got us.
Do you know why?
Why?
- Because we're the 8th PD, baby!
- 8th PD, baby!