Samantha Who? s01e08 Episode Script

Having amnesia is like driving an obstacle course.
I mean, I guess that's what it's like.
Since my accident, no one will let me drive.
Look at you ! You could be a model ! The last time that I wore this, Mom, you said I looked cheap.
You do.
But in different clothes, you could be a model.
I think I'm gonna just wait outside for Dena.
I'm serious, honey.
Sunday I'm hosting a "Solution Six" party and I need your help.
- Beep, beep ! Oh, she's here.
- You're going to love this.
A revolutionary new clothing system.
Six pieces give you outfits for 60 different occasions.
It's like when Jesus fed all those people with bread and fish.
I don't remember the Bible, but I doubt it was anything like that.
Honey, all my friends are going to be there, even Doris Janney.
Come on, now that you're back in my life, I kind of want to show you off.
Mom, that's actually sweet.
Doris sees you model, I'll have something to lord over her and her "daughter, the actress.
" I'm going to have to pass, OK ? I don't want to spend my Sunday making some mother feel bad about her child.
I don't see why not.
You do it every other day.
Come in.
- Hey.
- How's your dog ? Well, much better.
He really perked up after he puked in my car.
- Ready to party ? - Hmm.
You know what ? I have a better idea.
Wait here.
Daddy ? - Oh-oh.
Have you asked your mother ? - No.
Silly.
No, I was just thinking about, you know, independence and freedom, and how those are really keys to being an American, you know ? I mean, you like America, don't you ? You know who really loves America ? Your mother.
- Can I please borrow your car tonight ? - Not a chance.
Yes.
Why not ? Come on, Dad.
The neurologist cleared me for driving a couple of weeks ago.
Great.
Then borrow his car.
Come on, Daddy.
The amnesia only affected my memory, it did not affect my driving skills.
Know what your driving skills have gotten me in the past ? Two busted garage doors and the death of a squirrel that was like a pet to me.
You don't trust me.
You don't think I've changed.
Samantha, trust is not a given, it's earned.
Yes, but how am I supposed to earn it if you won't even give me a chance ? Please, I've changed.
I spend all day explaining that to people.
I don't want to have to convince my own parents.
Doggone it.
This is why I said to ask your mother.
- Don't be a stinker, use the blinker.
- OK.
Ten and two is good for you.
Speeding's a thrill, but it can surely kill.
Don't ride the damn brake.
I don't have a rhyme for that, just don't do it.
Whoo ! Oh, my God, I'm free ! I had the car windows down all day.
You would've barely smelled anything.
You should be happy.
You don't have to drive me around anymore.
I liked driving you around.
That's why we're such good friends again.
No, is that why you're worried ? That I was just your friend for the rides ? I'm afraid of how our friendship will suffer when we're dead.
Slow down ! OK, relax.
I am in complete control right now.
Being behind the wheel is bringing back memories of driving and instincts, skills - Raccoons ! - Yeah, maybe raccoons.
No, raccoons ! Oh.
Oh, raccoons.
- Are you all right ? - Maybe.
Was I holding a drink in my lap before the crash ? No.
Then not so much.
This is so not my fault ! The the You can't see a raccoon at night ! I mean, it's wearing a mask ! See this speed ? This is a nice speed.
People don't get hurt at this speed.
My dad is never going to trust me again.
Goodbye independence.
Goodbye freedom.
Nice knowing you for six point two miles.
Please don't make me ride with you again.
I mean it.
I'll do anything you want.
Anything ? - I'm scared ! - You said "anything !" I've never broken the law.
Seems like an ambitious way to start.
You shouldn't have said "anything !" Quit whining and help me or else you're going in next.
You know, it's not too late to stop before it gets illegal.
Right now we're just pushing a car around a lake.
That's good clean fun.
Just relax, all right ? This is good.
Everyone will assume the car was stolen out of the driveway overnight, the insurance will buy a new one and no one gets in trouble.
And most importantly, my dad will think that he can trust me.
Even though he can't ? You're pretty judgy for someone who just dumped a car in a lake.
Wait ! You are here.
Yeah.
So where is the car ? It's not in the driveway ? I can't believe it.
It played out exactly like I said.
Car gone, insurance, bing-bang-boom.
Easy-peasy.
- Dureen ? - It's Dena.
Did they ask about me ? Was I implicated at all ? No.
No.
And neither of us will be as long as we do not tell anyone else, OK ? I can do that.
I spent a lifetime keeping everything inside.
- Siddhartha ? - Oh, it's Saman Forget it, thank you.
I've never done anything like that before.
- Well, neither have I.
- Yeah-huh.
Yeah, OK, but that was Old Sam.
That was Bad Sam.
New Sam is a good person who, just in an isolated incident, made a rash decision, committed a small crime to save her dear father's heart.
OK, maybe it was the moonlight or something, but you looked like something evil.
Yes, I looked like, but I wasn't, you know.
It's like, you know, it's like when a snake sheds its skin and then you look and the skin looks like it's a snake, but actually it's just a Well, it's an empty shell.
I need to work on my examples, but anyway, what I'm saying is I'm not that person anymore.
Where were you last night ? Oh, my God.
We didn't meet you at Eight.
- We can totally explain.
- I'm waiting.
Well, see, we were about to leave and I got a phone call.
From who ? My dog.
It was about her dog.
She got a phone call from the vet.
Are you two keeping something from me ? No.
Why ? He called on a Friday night ? That's a special vet.
Well, it's a special dog.
What'd he say ? - Nothing.
He's a dog.
- I meant the vet.
- We should watch the dog.
- Why ? - He's special.
- So you should watch him ? - Talking about the vet.
- About the dog.
- What do you wanna know ? - Why didn't you answer ? - I was on the phone.
- All night ? - With the vet.
- Impressive.
- Like I said Mm-hmm.
- He's special.
I'm getting a latte.
What ? Thought that went really well.
Oh ! - Oh, for crying out loud ! - Since when do we have an alarm ? Since your father spent a fortune on one, but refuses to pay a professional to install it.
I'm not going to pay a professional to do something any moron could do.
Well, why are you doing it ? Criminals were in our driveway, Samantha.
A few feet from where we sleep.
Occasionally, in the buff.
Well, all I can say is they must have been high on dope.
There was an entire pallet of tulip bulbs on the porch and they left those.
Well, don't, you know, overreact because of just one stolen car.
You know, I mean, cars get stolen all the time.
It's practically a tradition.
Two stolen cars.
What do you mean, two ? Oh, that's right.
You have that forgetting disease.
My car was stolen four years ago.
Just thinking about it makes me need to chill some wine.
This is just the silliest thing that you guys have ever done.
That's not the only thing we did.
Ta-dahhh ! - No.
- Yes, we got you a new car ! Oh, guys, this is just way, way, way too much.
But you know what ? It's not unwrapped, so you can still return it.
Sammy, this morning when I came out and the car wasn't here I was afraid you'd been in an accident.
So there you are, dead, and your last thought would have been, "My dad didn't trust me.
" Oh, no.
No, no.
Don't say that.
I was wrong.
You have changed.
You're not the same person that you were.
So here you go, Samantha Newly, the keys to your brand-new car ! You sound like that man on the game show.
Say my name.
Regina Newly ! Let's go inside and see what you've won ! Oh, look, it gave me chills.
Enjoy it, kid.
Yay.
Samantha ? What are you still doing out here ? Aren't you ever going to try out your new car ? Yeah, soon.
Just was it "Ten and two works for you," or "Nine and three works for me ?" I just don't You should see your father.
He is so happy.
Oh, this morning when he thought you'd been hurt, he told me he'd never been so worried.
I was offended.
I said, "What about that time that I had those polyps removed ? I was under general anesthesia.
- What if" - I pushed the car into a lake.
You did what ? Some invisible raccoon with a mask made me crash and then I didn't want Dad to think he couldn't trust me, so I panicked and I sank the car.
- So you lied to us ? - Yeah.
But I confessed.
Did you see that ? I confessed ! I mean, Old Sam wouldn't have done that.
Your father felt awful about not trusting you.
This will break his heart.
No, no ! Please, please don't tell him ! Please.
He can trust me.
OK, I just made a mistake.
Look, I couldn't stand it if I broke his heart.
Well, I guess we've all made mistakes.
Mm-hmm, yeah, we all have.
Telling him is not gonna bring the car back.
Oh, no.
No, it probably won't come back at all.
You know how I hate lying to your father.
But I guess I could keep this from him.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I just need you to do one thing for me.
Aah And this elegant creation, "Monaco Nights," can be easily accessorized by sliding the detachable cowl neck down into a belt.
Keep smiling.
Doris looks like she's gonna be sick.
Who's had a nice walk ? Huh ? Did we have a good walk ? Andrea.
What are you doing here ? Well, I just dropped by to see how your dog is.
Oh, he's good.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Don't thank me.
Thank that special vet.
Okeydoke.
Well, I'd love to talk, but, I've got to run, so Don't worry.
It's only going to take a minute.
- Oh, my.
- Probably less.
You can't hurt me.
I have dogs.
Oh, what is this I have here ? Huh ? Lemon cookies.
What do you want to know ? Sorry ! Sorry ! Close it ! Quickly ! Quickly ! I can't turn it off unless What are you guys doing here ? Guess who cracked like an egg ? - Get over here.
Get, get, get ! - No, no, no ! Dena ! What happened to a lifetime of keeping things inside ? Her questions were really hard.
Plus, I really enjoyed her, finally, taking an interest in me.
- Nice scarf.
- Thanks.
It's also a casual skirt.
I can't believe you kept a secret from me with her.
I tell you everything ! Well, you know what ? I'm sorry.
You should be happy that I didn't draw you into this web of deceit.
Honey, I'm an attorney.
Web of deceit is where I get my mail.
Samantha.
We've still got There's a perfect dress for you in here.
It looks just as good out at night as it does stumbling home in the morning.
What is going on in there ? Nothing.
My mother is blackmailing me to model these stupid clothes.
Blackmailing ? OK, I cracked, too.
She knows everything ! Everybody knows ? We are going down ! - Shh ! - You're not going down ! Jeez ! Do you remember The Night of the Sacrificial Shoe ? Is that a Nancy Drew book ? No, I don't remember it.
That's not really how it works.
Oh, with the shoe.
Ah ! It's not moving.
Use your legs.
That's why God gave you those big calves.
Use your legs.
It's your car.
You can never just do something for me, can you ? Why don't you just tell Dad the truth ? Because the last time I had an accident, he made me learn all these stupid safety rhymes.
I am not going through that again.
Besides I don't want him to not trust me.
That's the scary face she made at the lake.
Bad Sam is back ! Oh, my God ! There's my baby girl ! Oh, it's good to see you.
- Samantha ! - What are you going to do ? Right now, I'm going to go in there, I'm going to smile, turn this tube top into a turban, and then I am gonna ruin her life.
Yes, Mother, I'm coming.
Oh, this one's my favorite.
Oh, damn it ! Hey, Mom ? In here.
Look, I'm repainting your old birdcage.
I didn't know I had any birds.
You didn't.
When you were little we'd put you in here to play.
- You locked me in a cage ? - You loved it.
You'd eat crackers and repeat everything I said.
We had so much fun until you chipped your tooth on that seedcake.
Hey, you know what ? Speaking of fun, I was thinking maybe you and I could go down to one of those places where you decorate pottery.
You know, maybe paint a little piggy bank shaped like a cat or something.
I've always wanted one of those.
Well, what are we waiting for ? Wonderful.
Afterwards we could go to the mall and get our makeup done so you won't look like a girl who's trying so hard.
This is going to be so much fun ! Hey, Mom, do you mind driving ? Mom ? Where are you going ? Don't you want your little cat bank ? - Who are you calling ? - A tow truck.
- Where are the T's ? - Oh, you mean these ? Samantha Newly, you give me those right now or I swear What are you going to do ? You going to make me a dress-up doll for some hideous convertible clothes ? That system is a miracle ! No, it is not ! I looked in the Bible, and it's not even close ! I did not tell you to push your father's car into the lake.
You made that decision entirely on your own ! But I wouldn't have thought about it if it wasn't for you ! And then you knowingly make me feel terrible and blackmail me, which makes you even worse ! Of course I am.
I'm your mother ! And my mother was worse than me ! There is a streak of evil that runs back in this family.
I am just praying that it gets diluted over time.
Based on the parking lot in Lake Piedmont, I'd say it's not.
Well, you never met your great-grandmother Ida.
Trust me.
It is every generation's responsibility to be better than the last.
You're lucky that I'm not perfect.
You'd have nowhere to go ! You know what ? You're right.
I should be better than you, which is why I'm going to do something that you could never do, which is tell Dad the truth.
And if you had any guts, you would do the same thing.
You're kidding.
No.
It's all true.
And you did this too, Regina ? I have no idea what she's talking about, poor thing.
Back to the neurologist, I say.
I'm really sorry, Dad.
Please take my car back.
Sammy, I spend a lot of time not thinking about my emotions.
It's hard work, but it pays off.
Then, when I thought about you dead by the side of the road, it just rushed in how important you are to me.
So if it cost me a car to remember that every time I see you in it I got off cheap.
So then I can keep it ? - Yeah.
- Yes.
I just need you to do one thing for me.
If my insurance found out what your mother did, I'd fry.
Now come on, use those legs ! I love you, Dad.
You too, kid.
So a bonk on the head does make you free to change who you are.
But there are curves in the road along the way.
And no matter how far you've gone to be who you want to be, who you were is always behind you and closer than they appear.