Sealab 2021 (2000) s01e08 Episode Script
Waking Quinn
If you're looking for me.
You better check under the sea.
Cause that is where you'll find me.
Underneath the Sealab.
Underneath the water.
Sealab at the bottom of the sea.
Man, this is relaxing.
Don't go on duty for three hours! Mmm-mmm Doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo Doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo Wait'll Doctor Quinn sees this! Ahhhhhhh Three whole hours Gonna show Quinn this thing in my hand, doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, gonna show Quinn this thing that I got Ahhhhhh.
.
yesssssss.
Quinn! Check this out, guy! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stormy, is that a hairdryer? Man, be careful! What?? I can't hear you!! This awesome new hairdryer is way too loud!! Hey! Idiot! That's really dangerous!! Yeah, it's got a diffuser.
It's pro-grade, dude! Get away from here!! I'm in a pool!! Of water!! Can't you see that?? Oh yeah, you can see it! No no no!! No!! - Here! Dooooooooon't!! Quinn? Quinner? Wake up.
Wake up.
Wake up! Hey, wake up! Whaaat? Well.
.
why won't you.
.
you know.
Gah!! Could you just.
.
let it.
.
go?? Well, uh, you drink tea! So?? So why won't you kiss me there?? Oh, that's it!! I'm sleepin' on the - Oww!! Where's the light?? Not that you care, but I have to be at work in three hours.
Jerk!! Yaugh!! Ha-ha!! No fish can withstand the terrifying might of my powerful spear gun, so capably wielded.
Here we go! Hey, man.
- Ahhhhh! What the - Listen.
Here's the deal.
You're.
.
you're.
.
you're talking! - How 'bout you let me go? I gotta be at work in three hours.
I'll be rich! - Come on, let me go! I'll grant you a wish.
.
No way! I'm gonna sell you to Ocean Land, for about a zillion bucks! Well, then, this is the part where I doooooo.
.
this! Did they tell you why, Marco? Why they want to terminate my command? They told me you had gone.
.
totally insane, sir.
And that your methods were.
.
unsound.
Are my methods.
.
unsound? I don't see any method.
.
at all, sir.
Are you an assassin? I'm a soldier, sir.
You're neither.
You're an errand boy, sent by grocery clerks to collect the bill.
So wet-willie for you!! Ha ha ha ha ha!! Hey, cut it out! I swallowed a bug.
Holy crap! Hey man, y-you know there's toxic waste like, right over there? Ahh, humans and their filthy, ravenous machines, spewing out vile toxins.
Might even be radioactive.
I think we oughtta get everybody out of here - Did you know, hat the average fish today contains more mercury than a rectal thermometer? Yeah, uh, I think I read that someplace.
Would you eat a rectal thermometer?? Answer me, damn you! Uhh.
.
no.
- Well, I would.
Hey, wh - oogh! Ahh, mercury.
Sweetest of the transition metals.
.
mmm.
.
Hey!! Ass!! I gotta be at work in three hours!! Do you hear me?? I have to be at - Hey! Chubby Cox! I beg your pardon? Stinky Pete's the name, Chubby.
I'm your, your whaddyacallit, your, your foil in this little picture.
I was just a talking fish.
Well, I didn't see you in that one, but I bet you were just boffo in it! I have got to get outta here.
Don't worry, kid.
You're goin' places! "Chubby Cox" is gonna be a household name one o' these days.
Maybe.
.
this will work.
Hey, kid, what is with the fire? What're you, whacked out on goofballs? Shut up! This will work!! This will work!! - This will work.
- Wha.
.
what the Don't worry, Quinn! - .
.
Stinky Pete.
.
? I've seen this on TV.
.
about a jillion times! Wha.
.
wha, wha, hey, whoa, hey, hey-hey-hey-hey what're you doing?? Reviving you! - No no no no wait!! I'm - Here.
Oh, it's beautiful, man! Freakin' beautiful!! That's it! Now, let's have some of that beautiful fat, you little Christmas ham! Who's fatter than you? Nobody! Now, I want to to really poke that fat little belly out.
Ohh, that is hot.
.
fat.
.
stuff! That's a big cup of hot fat! Ohh yeah! Oh yeah, that's hot, baby! I just wanna pinch your fat! I just wanna jiggle your fat little belly and squeeze your fat little fat face!! Mmm, God, you're fat! Oh, cool! A date with Chubby Cox! Chubby Cox? What's so big about Chubby Cox? I hate Chubby Cox.
I wouldn't touch Chubby Cox with a ten-inch pole.
Don't you see what Chubby Cox can do for us? I lure Chubby Cox down here, then we hold Chubby Cox for ransom! Brilliant! Chubby Cox has the number one show on TV! Yeah! "All Up In It with Chubby Cox.
" Hollywood'll pay millions for their precious little Chubby Cox.
Take a letter.
A-hem.
.
Dear, sweet Chubby Cox.
.
You should go out with me, 'cause I live down in Sealab.
We'll have ever so much fun.
We'll go swimming with our pet seal, Stinky Pete! I'm gonna get you, Stinky Pete! Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap.
Oh, crap on a crap cracker.
Safe! Stinky!! Stinky Pete! That's me! Ha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-chaaa!! Delicious.
Oh ho ho! What a riot! That big dumb shark is never gonna catch Stinky Pete!! Ha ha ha ha ha.
.
Ah ha farted! Ohh, I passed gas!! Ha ha ha ha!! Ohhh, I let one rip - Ha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-chaaa!! Delicious.
Oh, hey.
.
my head's back.
Blimey.
Oh ha ha ha!! - Hey! Carl! You see that? No.
Uhhh Hey! You wanna drive your go-cart around? Naww.
.
one tire's kinda flat.
I got a pump! Hah? Pumpy! .
.
Nnno.
Well whadda you wanna do?? Hmmmm, uhhh, I dunno, man.
Watch TV? Hesh.
.
can watch TV.
.
at my house! So go home! I.
.
am gonna watch TV.
Hey.
We gonna ride Carl's go-cart? Nooo.
.
big fat stupid jerk! Oh.
Then let's play the hammer game!! Yayy!! The hammer game!! Yayy!! Kill it! Tear it! Kill it! Make it dead!! Do it!! Don't stop!! Keep it comin'!! Spike it!! Don't stop for nothin'!! You can go for it!! Dead!! Dead!! Dead!! Dead.
.
or alive? Quinn, what's the deal here? .
.
Ugh.
.
ugh.
.
I knew you were alive.
Stop trying to fake me out, dude.
You ass! - That's totally jerk league.
You never throw elec- Wait! You gotta check out this bitchin' homemade Tesla coil! Stormy! Stop! Are you that stupid?? Hi.
I'm Brett Butler.
You probably know me as "Doctor Quinn" on TV's "Sealab 2021.
" Now, I didn't get this rich by being stupid.
I would never do something like you saw in tonight's episode.
Electricity and water.
.
just do not mix.
So, be a winner like "Quinner," and don't play with electricity.
Right, ladies? Yeahhh, that's right Allright.
Yeah.
.
little harder please.
Nah.
.
not that hard.
Not that hard.
Not that hard.
You better check under the sea.
Cause that is where you'll find me.
Underneath the Sealab.
Underneath the water.
Sealab at the bottom of the sea.
Man, this is relaxing.
Don't go on duty for three hours! Mmm-mmm Doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo Doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo Wait'll Doctor Quinn sees this! Ahhhhhhh Three whole hours Gonna show Quinn this thing in my hand, doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, gonna show Quinn this thing that I got Ahhhhhh.
.
yesssssss.
Quinn! Check this out, guy! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stormy, is that a hairdryer? Man, be careful! What?? I can't hear you!! This awesome new hairdryer is way too loud!! Hey! Idiot! That's really dangerous!! Yeah, it's got a diffuser.
It's pro-grade, dude! Get away from here!! I'm in a pool!! Of water!! Can't you see that?? Oh yeah, you can see it! No no no!! No!! - Here! Dooooooooon't!! Quinn? Quinner? Wake up.
Wake up.
Wake up! Hey, wake up! Whaaat? Well.
.
why won't you.
.
you know.
Gah!! Could you just.
.
let it.
.
go?? Well, uh, you drink tea! So?? So why won't you kiss me there?? Oh, that's it!! I'm sleepin' on the - Oww!! Where's the light?? Not that you care, but I have to be at work in three hours.
Jerk!! Yaugh!! Ha-ha!! No fish can withstand the terrifying might of my powerful spear gun, so capably wielded.
Here we go! Hey, man.
- Ahhhhh! What the - Listen.
Here's the deal.
You're.
.
you're.
.
you're talking! - How 'bout you let me go? I gotta be at work in three hours.
I'll be rich! - Come on, let me go! I'll grant you a wish.
.
No way! I'm gonna sell you to Ocean Land, for about a zillion bucks! Well, then, this is the part where I doooooo.
.
this! Did they tell you why, Marco? Why they want to terminate my command? They told me you had gone.
.
totally insane, sir.
And that your methods were.
.
unsound.
Are my methods.
.
unsound? I don't see any method.
.
at all, sir.
Are you an assassin? I'm a soldier, sir.
You're neither.
You're an errand boy, sent by grocery clerks to collect the bill.
So wet-willie for you!! Ha ha ha ha ha!! Hey, cut it out! I swallowed a bug.
Holy crap! Hey man, y-you know there's toxic waste like, right over there? Ahh, humans and their filthy, ravenous machines, spewing out vile toxins.
Might even be radioactive.
I think we oughtta get everybody out of here - Did you know, hat the average fish today contains more mercury than a rectal thermometer? Yeah, uh, I think I read that someplace.
Would you eat a rectal thermometer?? Answer me, damn you! Uhh.
.
no.
- Well, I would.
Hey, wh - oogh! Ahh, mercury.
Sweetest of the transition metals.
.
mmm.
.
Hey!! Ass!! I gotta be at work in three hours!! Do you hear me?? I have to be at - Hey! Chubby Cox! I beg your pardon? Stinky Pete's the name, Chubby.
I'm your, your whaddyacallit, your, your foil in this little picture.
I was just a talking fish.
Well, I didn't see you in that one, but I bet you were just boffo in it! I have got to get outta here.
Don't worry, kid.
You're goin' places! "Chubby Cox" is gonna be a household name one o' these days.
Maybe.
.
this will work.
Hey, kid, what is with the fire? What're you, whacked out on goofballs? Shut up! This will work!! This will work!! - This will work.
- Wha.
.
what the Don't worry, Quinn! - .
.
Stinky Pete.
.
? I've seen this on TV.
.
about a jillion times! Wha.
.
wha, wha, hey, whoa, hey, hey-hey-hey-hey what're you doing?? Reviving you! - No no no no wait!! I'm - Here.
Oh, it's beautiful, man! Freakin' beautiful!! That's it! Now, let's have some of that beautiful fat, you little Christmas ham! Who's fatter than you? Nobody! Now, I want to to really poke that fat little belly out.
Ohh, that is hot.
.
fat.
.
stuff! That's a big cup of hot fat! Ohh yeah! Oh yeah, that's hot, baby! I just wanna pinch your fat! I just wanna jiggle your fat little belly and squeeze your fat little fat face!! Mmm, God, you're fat! Oh, cool! A date with Chubby Cox! Chubby Cox? What's so big about Chubby Cox? I hate Chubby Cox.
I wouldn't touch Chubby Cox with a ten-inch pole.
Don't you see what Chubby Cox can do for us? I lure Chubby Cox down here, then we hold Chubby Cox for ransom! Brilliant! Chubby Cox has the number one show on TV! Yeah! "All Up In It with Chubby Cox.
" Hollywood'll pay millions for their precious little Chubby Cox.
Take a letter.
A-hem.
.
Dear, sweet Chubby Cox.
.
You should go out with me, 'cause I live down in Sealab.
We'll have ever so much fun.
We'll go swimming with our pet seal, Stinky Pete! I'm gonna get you, Stinky Pete! Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap.
Oh, crap on a crap cracker.
Safe! Stinky!! Stinky Pete! That's me! Ha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-chaaa!! Delicious.
Oh ho ho! What a riot! That big dumb shark is never gonna catch Stinky Pete!! Ha ha ha ha ha.
.
Ah ha farted! Ohh, I passed gas!! Ha ha ha ha!! Ohhh, I let one rip - Ha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-chaaa!! Delicious.
Oh, hey.
.
my head's back.
Blimey.
Oh ha ha ha!! - Hey! Carl! You see that? No.
Uhhh Hey! You wanna drive your go-cart around? Naww.
.
one tire's kinda flat.
I got a pump! Hah? Pumpy! .
.
Nnno.
Well whadda you wanna do?? Hmmmm, uhhh, I dunno, man.
Watch TV? Hesh.
.
can watch TV.
.
at my house! So go home! I.
.
am gonna watch TV.
Hey.
We gonna ride Carl's go-cart? Nooo.
.
big fat stupid jerk! Oh.
Then let's play the hammer game!! Yayy!! The hammer game!! Yayy!! Kill it! Tear it! Kill it! Make it dead!! Do it!! Don't stop!! Keep it comin'!! Spike it!! Don't stop for nothin'!! You can go for it!! Dead!! Dead!! Dead!! Dead.
.
or alive? Quinn, what's the deal here? .
.
Ugh.
.
ugh.
.
I knew you were alive.
Stop trying to fake me out, dude.
You ass! - That's totally jerk league.
You never throw elec- Wait! You gotta check out this bitchin' homemade Tesla coil! Stormy! Stop! Are you that stupid?? Hi.
I'm Brett Butler.
You probably know me as "Doctor Quinn" on TV's "Sealab 2021.
" Now, I didn't get this rich by being stupid.
I would never do something like you saw in tonight's episode.
Electricity and water.
.
just do not mix.
So, be a winner like "Quinner," and don't play with electricity.
Right, ladies? Yeahhh, that's right Allright.
Yeah.
.
little harder please.
Nah.
.
not that hard.
Not that hard.
Not that hard.